Maybe weed has shown me where my anxiety hides in my brain

On a larger amount of a sativa than I'm used to (or maybe it's only this one - Blue Dream), I have a weird cognitive effect where it's like every single part of my brain that's supposed to be delivering background information to my conscious soul is just delivering gibberish instead. It's like it lets me find out the one loop of real thought that's mine; everything else is bombardment from subsystems of the subconscious mind, and their messages are wrapped in gibberish. It's like I'm receiving distinct packets of memory and ideas shooting at me nonstop from my subconscious, and like this is always happening to me, but I'm really noticing it now because the thought-fragments coming up from there don't sound like real thought, or anything that makes any sense. So what's left that I can actually use are my real thoughts, the "owner" of this brain, overwhelmed with a screaming onslaught of information that is not relevant to what is happening in the moment, but the results of a constant background search of my memories based on echoes of each thing that my conscious mind steps on.

Because I'm stoned out of my mind right now, all of those echoes are complete and utter gibberish. (Complete gibberish: a word that doesn't exist, in a color that is not part of the spectrum, with a sound synthesized from corrupted memories of a video game and The Price Is Right, tagged with a random place from my memory, at a time I wasn't there) So they don't mean anything, so while I get forced into following them, I can recognize them as non-thought, and go back to the central thread of _my_ thoughts. Which are difficult to follow when this barrage of gibberish is so pressing, and so inherently amusing to be experiencing (this is not a _bad_ trip by any means), but they're there; it's how I'm able to type this at all. But I think those echoes are always there, whether I'm high off my ass or not - but usually they sound like thought, and they feel like thought, so I don't notice them, and I get pulled into them, and suddenly I'm in an uncontrolled chain of memories rather than my actual life instead.

I think that's where my chronic anxiety actually hides - in the echoes of memory my thoughts kick off in their course. Maybe I can learn from this to identify it as something other than free thought, and free myself from falling into it. When they aren't this meaningless gibberish, maybe they could be useful for finding things related to what I'm thinking about or experiencing, but I can also see how they could pull me off course into memories of fear. It's hard to think under this right now, but maybe it's always this hard for me to think - I just don't always notice how I'm being pulled away from real thought?

Also because I think it's hilarious, here are a bunch of words that don't exist (and what they mean) that apparently my brain thinks are important right now:

Aroothriananxtrioise  - a can of cooked pasta intended for children
Alovi-viyang-striank - a property in the corner of a Monopoly board
Un-votriarp - a bong made entirely from smoke
Strubahp - a pie filling
Eeenje-luudle-loovhart - A microwave oven
Elevenloon-loodarps - the zebra-striped human deuteragonist of the comic strip, "Garfield"
Kien-vieldo - a flavor of yogurt
Kwellart - the sound of crunching teeth in a cartoon show

I should probably stop because this probably is only funny to me