Food Fight

Swift M0nkey

Goldfish (the snack).
Peanut butter and jelly.
Orange juice.
Strawberry yogurt.
But, don't use any of them in an eating scene.


>Day Day Day Day [ERROR]
>You wake up and look at the clock
>5:30
>Somehow your body will not let you wake up any later
>So you can't make an excuse that you were sleeping when SHE comes...
>You do your morning routine of shaving with your showerhead and then shitting down the drain of it
>Fuck the system
>You walk downstairs and just before you can grab something to eat, the familiar knock on the door attracts your attention
Fuck.
>You already know who it is
>Should you answer it...
>You remember last time you didn't answer
>You look at the hinges of the door
>Broke like they were paper
>Waltz over to the door
>She knocks again
>You knock back
>"What in tarnation?"
>She knocks once more
>You knock twice
>You engage in the most beautiful symphony of knocks that wakes the neighbors and forces them to burst into song, sweeping away Applejack with them
Mission accomplished.
>You head back into your kitchen and open the fridge
Okay we got lemonade...some purple stuff...sunny-
>Suddenly the house begins to shake, knocking all the stuff out of everywhere
W-wha-at-t i-i-is-s-s g-oi-in-in-ing-g o-n-n?!
>You run outside to see if anyone else knows
>When you step out there you see the town going crazy
>There is a giant Goldfish cracker swimming through the town eating houses whole screaming: "WHO BITES BACK NOW MOTHER FUCKERS?!"
And I thought I had seen it all.
>It turns towards you
NO!
>You turn to run the other way and run into a giant piece of bread
>You follow it up and see that it is a Peanut Butter and Jelly man
>Like a gingerbread man, but made of pbj
>It steps over you and stares the Goldfish in the face
>You back away a little and then are thrown off your feet by the wind that follows after when the Pbj man jumps at the Goldfish
>You wipe your eyes as they exchange blows
>Because maybe this is just some crazy dream right?
>A spark happens to your right
>You turn and see that brown pony
>He looks at you
>Then the foodsnacks battling
>He says nothing and disappears with another spark
>You attract your eyes to the battle raging before you
>Applejack runs up to you and tackles you
What are you doing?! Do you not see what's going on?!
>"Ah just wanted ta know if that was yer liking."
Why did you tackle me?!
>"Ah...don't know."
>She gets off of you and you brush the dirt off of your pants
No, food fights are not my fetish AJ.
>"Ah love it when ya call me that hun..."
Shut up.
>Pbj and the Goldfish clash one final time and then jump back far
>Then the Goldfish opens his mouth and a strange substance begins forming in his mouth
>Like it's charging up
>Pbj man puts his arms back like he's holding a ball and doesn't Goldfish to have it
>You see strange stuff forming there too
WHAT IN SAM HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!
>"Is confusion yer liking?"
>You shake your head angrily
>Pbj man forms a ball of orange juice that floats in his hands, while the Goldfish forms what looks like pink yogurt
>Probably strawberry
>The flavour specially designed for faggots
>Real men like bacon yogurt
>Pbj man extends the arm that holds the ball and runs with it at Goldfish
>Goldfish fires a stream of yogurt to counter him
>The stream of yogurt collides with the ball of OJ
>It's a power struggle now!
>You watch as Pbj man takes step after step with the ball towards the Goldfish
>You can see Goldfish sweating salt as Pbj man gets close
>Then Pbj man lets his arm back a little, letting the yogurt push it back
What is he doing?
>"Shut up Anon Ah'm tryna watch here!"
Fuckin bitch...
>Pbj man then swings his arm forward and launches the ball of OJ at the Goldfish, pushing all the yogurt back into him plus the OJ
>Goldfish glows and then explodes, raining down cheesy crackers with OJ and strawberry yogurt
>Pbj man comes back over to you and kneels down
That...was...awesome! You saved the town! How will we ever repay you?
>He grins with his peanut butter mouth
>But not the good kind of grin
>He grabs you and picks you up, ignoring your screams of terror
>Then he shoves you into his peanut butter and jelly asshole
>Now you're trapped in a seven story tall monster made out of peanut butter and jelly's asshole until you die
>Welp...better than
>Fucking Applejack