Wet your pants,
Splashway.com,
I saw this on my drive to texas and almost crashed,
There’s another one a few miles down the same road that says, wet your pants again,

Wonder what happened to the dinosaurs, this is a baby blue heron,
This baby blue heron killed the dinosaurs,

Sometimes god looks down like, l o l i play too much, and then presses the delete button,
27, there used to be a type of crocodile that was able to gallop,

Just wanted to share this baby platypus,
Screams,
The ol razzle dazzle,

According to the song seasons of love from rent, there are 535,600 minutes a year,
One line later, there are 525,000 moments so dear,
So, doing the math, we can glean that there are 600 moments which aren’t so dear,
And i think i just used one of them by walking in on my boss who forgot to lock the bathroom stall,
This post did not even remotely go in the direction i was expecting it to,

Writing playlist, on,
Google docs, open,
Mind, ready,
Page, blank,

Are there no fireflies in europe,
British person, sees 10 million fireflies, i litcherally con’t believe my eyes,

Guy i just heard a minecraft cave noise in real life,
Change your settings to peaceful it’ll be okay,
K hold on,
Where are my parents,

So i find out my friends and i are on our local news website,
We were asked all these question about how long the costumes took us, how we did it, etc,
I paused the video right when we were asked how much money we spent on our cosplays and,
Does that give you your answer,
This will never not be funny,

Me, typing into google a bunch of words and phrases to find that specific vine,
F b i agent,
Did you mean, hungry gaana squashed banana,

True crime is becoming to girls what world war 2 is to boys,
Boy who knows too much about russia and world war two,
Girl who knows too much about serial killers,
Relevant twitter meme,

Tiny creeper,
Call that a baby boomer,

Master, look, i drew the perfect circle,
A good familiar,

This cat’s face contains emotions that i cannot begin to describe but at the same time i have a deep understanding of,
Holding in a deep sigh of vague anxiety and heartache as well as tiredness on a cosmic level, knowing then releasing it won’t help,

I am a simple man, i search for warmth and tiny spaces to curl up in,
I like to have my head petted also,
I diagnose you with cat,

The adblock we deserve,

What’s your least favorite sign and why,
A stop sign, i gotta go places,

Hope everyone is well today,
And tomorrow,
After that you’re on your own,

Walks into starbucks with acoustic guitar, ohh there once was a hero named ragnar the red,

You guys have changed this meme so much, y’all forget what it’s really about,
Gonna ask my manager if i can hang this up in our dairy queen,

Your not ugly, you have poor self-esteem,
You didn’t grow up ugly, you were taught to judge yourself,
Other people aren’t ugly, your projecting your learned insecurities onto them,

It’s almost midnight you know what that means,
That it’s almost midnight,

Do not let a woman who decorates her buttocks deceive you, by wily coaxing, for she is after your granary,
Some oddly specific advice from hesiod, 700 b c,
Which thick girl hurt you, and stole your gain,
Grain-stealing thots,

Saint christopher’s southern baptist church,
If you have tumblr then you are going to heck,
Well that’s me sorted then,

Mister clean,
Yay my tulips are coming up,
This is the most horrifying photo i’ve ever seen,

My girlfriend just died,
I had to do it,
I got a new girlfriend,
I don’t know what order you read it in but it’s funny either way,
I had to do it,

I just dropped my iphone in the bath,
Now it’s syncing,

Sometime you’re naked, sometimes you’re not, depends,

At every baby in the world,
Stop crying, it’s my turn,

My favorite part about making an omelette is the exact moment where you know you’re making scrambled eggs instead,
L m a o,
Don’t come for me like this,

Have you ever gotten to that certain point in the school year where you just,
Ah yes, the second day,

We told him that the syrup would get everywhere, and we meant everywhere,
Community guidelines,
This image has been removed for violating one or more of tumblr’s community guidelines,
What did you mean everywhere denny’s, why is the image not there denny’s,

The dumbest way to die,
Oh boy, it’s stuffy in this submarine,
I just love the fact that the submarine has a manual window crank,

He boot too big for the gotdang feet, is literally the funniest phrase in the english language, i’m considering putting it on my tombstone,
But is it really better than man door hand hook car door,
He hand hook too big for the gotdang car door,

If i leave my pussy hanging off the bed will a demon eat it,
Can you stop posting,
Please,

Do you know how many bones the human body has, it’s 206, we start with 369 when we’re babies but they fuse, wouldn’t you want to go back, have as many bones as a baby, what if i could help you,
Hi yeah what the actual, literal, genuine, frick does this mean,

What are you so afraid of,
I’m really sorry but it looks like they’re about to rap battle,
Ginger princess but my bow long, make a snowman was a wack song,

Me, sees a white boy, locks my car doors,
White boy, knocks on window, what would you be doing if i was in there with you,

Ronald reagan died without knowing about bofa,
Who is ronald reagan,
Bofa deez nuts,

There he go,
Nyoom,

Son,
No,
I must dance,

Heard from down the hallway,
This is my stress kazoo, loud and frenzied kazooing,

When your friend mark forgets to return the worms he borrowed from you,
Mark my fricking worms,

He won,

Learn colors in the eggscity,
I saw this ad at 2 a m last night and had to take a screenshot just to make sure i wasn’t hallucinating,

Depression, no do thing, tired,
Me, okay well, maybe if i go to sleep super duper early, i’ll get a decent amount of sleep,
Insomnia, you fool, you absolute goddang idiot,
Insomnia, you are awake,
Me, okay well, maybe now i can get some stuff done,
Depression, you fool, you absolute god dang idiot,

Just assume you look like crap,
The school removed the mirror in the bathroom and someone wrote on the wall,

We all agree that josh hutcherson looks like squirtle,
I’m not sure how,
But i can see it,

You okay canada,
We are slowly trying to distance ourselves from the u s, piece by piece,

I work in a bar owned by a lord and lady who live in a castle on an island you can only walk to at low tide,

Kicks the door in of an alt-right’s house and let’s myself in,
Haha, what the frick is this, your safe space,
That sounds like a good way to get shot,
L o l what are you, a gun cock,
Can’t kill a man with your own hands,

My sim has a very unique painting technique which involves him dislocating his arm, planting his face into the canvas and painting on the back of his head,
As an artist i can 100% confirm the effectiveness of this technique,

Japanese, crab, from crab,
Crab is literally crab,
Origin, it is based on a crab,
Thank you,
The crab style,
There is only one step,
And it is crab,

Paris,
Paras is lovely this time of year,
Bonjour,

Hate’s a strong word,
Password, hate,
Score, 6%,
Complexity, very weak,

If anyone asks where i am, i’ve left the country,
Me at every mild inconvenience,

He looks so tired let him nap,
He looks like warm buttered toast,