CUCALOMA FIC EVERYWHERE

"There's too many of them!" Paloma brandished her gunbrella, spraying bullets into the basilisks. She ducked behind a rock, where Cucali was preparing her bombs, and pressed herself against the stone.

"Maybe we'd be doin' better if you weren't using a stupid umbrella!"

"Just hurry and blow them away!"

Cucali rolled out into the crowd, throwing bombs into the crowd of enemies. So many were enveloped by the explosion that in the settling dust, neither troll noticed one slip off to the side.

"Fuck yeah! See, mossy? That's how you deal with them! Not with a piddly goddamn umbrella!"

Paloma pushed herself off of the rock, her umbrella held high in case of enemies, and stepped into the dust to survey the damage.

"Thanks, Cucal--"

Her words were cut off by the sound of gunfire as bullets ripped through her chest. The basilisk lowered its gun-toting tail, and seeing its work done, it skittered away.

"-- nnh..."

"The fuck?! What was that?! Hey! Mossblood!" Cucali's voice was almost at screaming point as she scrambled towards the fallen limeblood. She got to her knees next to her, grabbing at her hand.

"You listen to me! No way are you dying! God, I have to do everything for your stupid worthless ass. Just hold on and -- and --"

But Paloma was gone.

Cucali felt something at the corners of her eye, and she blinked it away. "What the fuck?! You useless piece of shit! How dare you die on me!" Paloma's blood pooled around her chest. "I take care of you and practically drag your stupid ass through this fucking game and -- and you die on me?!"

"I should just leave you here! See if I care if you never come back!" Cucali was shouting, now. "You're just a stupid fuckin' lowblood, I don't care about you!"

Cucali stood and kicked Paloma's corpse, but the motion made her pause, her foot still nudging the troll's chest. Something inside her hurt. Cucali kicked her again.

"Fuck you! Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!"

Paloma's corpse rolled across the ground, landing on her belly. Her blood stained the ground, and Cucali rubbed at her eyes.

"I don't care, so stop buggin' me! Why am I still even here?! ... GOD! You're gonna haunt me if I don't take care of you AGAIN!"

Cucali knelt down again, grabbing Paloma by the shoulders and turning her over. She wiped the cliffdust from her face, and leant down.

"Fuckin' lowbloods making me kiss their dirty fuckin' lips..."

She kissed Paloma, and tried not to think about what she'd do if the mossblood was really dead.

--

Paloma awoke. She didn't want to; her pyjamas were far too comfortable, and her cocoon was soft and velvetty. She rolled in it as she tried to remember what she was dreaming about, in a hazy dream world.

... then she remembered.

"Oh my God," Paloma breathed as she raised a hand to her chest. She couldn't feel any wounds, but she remembered being shot plain as day. She remembered Cucali's voice.

Paloma pushed herself upwards, groaning as she got out of her cocoon. Here on Prospit, the slime never stuck to her, something which made her happy as she made her way out of her room. She knew she could fly - she just hoped she'd be able to fly far enough.

She kicked off out of the window, and went out towards the light of the Land of Cliffs and Rhyme.

--

Cucali didn't see Paloma as she entered the planet's atmosphere. She crouched beside the girl's corpse, gazing at it, morose.

"So you're really dead, huh? Fuckin' lowblood. Makin' me..."

Cucali paused. What /did/ Paloma make her do? She didn't want to think about it, so she just shook her head.

"Yeah, fuck you, Paloma."

Cucali whirled as she heard footsteps, a bomb in hand which she almost dropped as she saw who was approaching her.

"You finally remembered my name... but isn't all that language a bit much?!"

Cucali decided to captchalogue the bomb before it became too tempting to lob it at the infuriating lowblood. She stepped forward, gesturing angrily to Paloma.

"How dare you go off and die?! You should have been more careful! Do I have to watch you every single goddamn moment?!"

Cucali's feet took her forward until she was standing next to Paloma. She shoved a finger towards the girl's chest.

"You just got creamed, what do you have to say for yourself?!"

Paloma smiled sadly, looking up at Cucali.

"... I'm sorry I made you worry. Thanks for looking out for me."

Cucali felt something pricking the corners of her eyes again, and to hide her feelings - just to hide her feelings! - she wrapped Paloma up in a hug. She felt the girl rest her head against her shoulder as she hugged Cucali back.

"You idiot. Don't you fuckin' do that again, do you hear me?"

"I won't..."

Cucali could almost hear the smile in Paloma's voice. It sickened and excited her all at once. She swallowed down her thoughts, forcing bravado into her voice.

"From now on you're stayin' close to me, I don't give a shit what you think about it!"

"You, you really mean it? I mean, you want me with you?"

"Only because you can't take care of your own damn self!"

Paloma squeezed Cucali tighter, nuzzling her face into her neck. Cucali sneered.

"Don't get so touchy. I'm just huggin' you 'cause I don't want you all bitching and traumatised after this."

"'Kay. But, but I, I kinda... I mean... I don't mind this too much..."

"Fuckin' sap like you? Be surprised if you didn't."

Cucali let Paloma hug her a little longer, but eventually her good sense won out over her own sappiness. (Fuckin' mossblood, she was the one to do all this to her!) She shoved at the birdbrain's shoulder.

"Alright, that's enough of this bullshit." Cucali stepped back once she felt Paloma's weight shift away. "We gotta get rolling. There's still quests to do!"

That's when a crate of weights fell on the bombster. There wasn't even a body left to kiss.

--

Paloma woke up and realised she'd had another one of those dreams where Cucali was actually nice to her before dying in a weird and unexpected way. They were about as terrible as the dreams where Tursun and she were making out and he suddenly had a heart attack and died.

She muttered to herself, "Isn't dying a little extreme for one little hug...?"

From the other side of the fire, Cucali yelled: "Shut up, mossy, I'm tryin' to sleep!"

Paloma sighed and pulled the blanket back around her, trying to get back to sleep. Her nightmares were so weird. She couldn't wait to wake up on a dream planet so she could stop having them...