3 2 1 hastebin
okay I said something like this after RIP 11 but i want to describe what an important experience it was for me. This story goes back a little bit and delves into some personal and slightly dark subject matter so, there's your warning

I had been in the server for a year and a half at first, that was when I was making PPDDR and my first other files, and I was, awful. I was young though, so it makes sense. I ended up fading out a little bit towards the end of 2017, and that was because during middle to late 2017, I became engrained in a very, very bad community. It was a community focused around fan creations of a certain kind that I won't get into as it's a very embarrasing matter, but effectively, I was in a community where artists made art and shared it around. That sounds like a lot of communities. And it was. The issue is the people in it and what became of people who were in it. To make a long story short, you either huddled up to a certain group of people who were "popular" in the biggest quotes possible, or you were outcast. The "popular" people unintentionally created a hierarchy to the community. Over the nine months I was in the community as an artist, my work effectively became greater than me, and by that I mean, people put my work on a greater level than my health. People would only talk to me wanting something out of me, people would abuse me over getting things out of me, I even have a saved conversation of someone getting mad at me for not working on a request they suggested because there were multiple deaths in my family in the past few days. They literally said, "If you can't do it, don't say you can." That's fair, I guess, but saying that after someone has lost their cat and their uncle was on the brink of death due to lukemia is... something.

As time went on, I grew more and more upset at certain people, and as time went on, the entire atmosphere. After multiple friends spread lies behind my back and turned almost everyone I knew against me, I snapped. And I'm a nice guy. I try to be optimistic and never break or get angry. So when I do break? It is not a good thing. I effectively exploded with the force of a thousands suns and erased every last bit of connection I ever had with the group in mid to late 2018, and I never once looked back.

In October of 2018, I rejoined the UKSRT server. And I hung around people that either weren't around often the years ago I talked, were quiet, or I didn't get the chance to talk to. Chegg, Cering, Mr. Thatkid, Vinyl Melody, all people who I got to connect with, and hang with. I started asking for coding help again, learning writing steps better. Cering opened up to me as an incredibly nice person who would listen to me, Chegg was always fun to hang around, Thatkid is a coding genius who helps me on the regular with my files, Melody is a fun wild card to all of this fun, and I felt like I was coming back to a place that cared. I got the crazy idea to go to RIP 11 towards the end of 2018, and planned it out. Things kept going great in the server and I got more and more excited for RIP 11 as it approached.
Then the day came, we drove seven hours out to Illinois for the event. I got there just before the group picture was scheduled and walked around for a while before finally approaching a group of people I thought to be from the server. One of them had a laptop playing mod files on it, it must be them. I slowly approached, and it was Cering who I recognized at first, after he said who he was. I then got introduced to Cering, Ky, Condor, and probably some others I'm forgetting, sorry. We went out for the group picture, we got them, and I came back, and, had a giant panic attack. My anxiety somehow made me forget who everyone was. I looked at the UKSRT group again and straight up forgot who all of them were. I sat in the corner for what must of been 45 minutes before finally working myself back up to go over to one of them and ask who they were, I asked this long haired dude if I could bring up a chair, he said absolutely. I asked if he was Cering, he said yes. And so they introduced themselves all again. And so we had a merry night together, talking mods and playing files.
Then MBC3 came and I think that speaks for itself. It was absolutely amazing. I've said enough about that.

My words here aren't super good, I'm a bit tired and not getting my thoughts out right, but the tl;dr is that I am so glad I came back, and I'm even MORE glad that this community welcomed me back with such open arms. The fact that I could go from a community that abused it's creators to one that cherished and helped and respected and enjoyed everyone means a, an absolutely massive amount to me. And for that I'm so grateful to literally everyone I've ever gotten to talk to here. Everyone who's helped me or talked to me or made this community what it is, or anything really.

I might rewrite this later since my thoughts aren't coming out right right now but the gist of it is that I am really, really thankful for everything this group has done for me and that atmosphere it's created.