Fall of Cleveland 32 - Lil Smarty's Siren Song

http://www.fluffybooru.org/post/view/1451

Written by Marcus Maximus

Lil Smarty's Siren Song
>Be an average guy from upstate New York.
>Your fluffy unicorn, Siren, has been whining non-stop ever since she saw the Spaghetti Land commercials.
>She was named after the Greek myth,
>but when begging to go to "Sketti wand", she sounded more like an ambulance.
>Eventually, you agreed to take her in order to shut her up.
>It was that or staple her mouth shut, and you're not an abuser.
>Alright, so your other three fluffies all died, but that wasn't your fault.
>You hadn't even left the blender plugged in.

>So now, you find yourself on the highway, heading toward Cleveland, with your fluffy pony in the back.
>Traffic is terrible. Lots of other cars going the same way...
>Probably other fluffy owners like yourself who couldn't take the whining anymore.
>What a well thought-out marketing campaign, you grimly think to yourself.
>Appeal to all the fluffies' base desires, knowing that they'll force their owners to take them.
>Or die trying.
>Mostly the latter, actually.
>You've noticed a lot more dead fluffies being hauled away in your neighbours' garbage lately.
>Apparently, many fluffy owners don't take as kindly to their pets' whining as you.

>Oh well.
>You love Siren, even if she's being a bit of a brat about this, and she's usually a really good fluffy.
>Besides, this'll take her mind off the fact that most of her friends have mysteriously vanished
 since the Spaghetti Land commercials started airing.

>Siren is securely fastened into a child seat in the back seat of your car, as you make the drive.
>She sings happily to herself, that song from the "Uni the Unicorn" show she likes so much.
>She's looking out the window, and happily watching the scenery.
>"So many vwoomies, daddy!"
>"That's nice, Siren."
>"Dey all go Sketti Wand?"
>"Probably some of them are. Do you see any other fluffies?"
>"Dere sum fwuffies! Hewwo fwuffies! Hewwo!"
>Siren wiggles her little hoofsies as another car goes by, the back filled with fluffy ponies.
>The fluffies in the other car jump up and down and wave back.
>"Dere gwassies over dere! Wook daddy, wook!"
>"I see them, Siren," you lie. You're trying to keep your eyes on the road.
>"Dere twees! Dere ... ooh ... BIG wawa ..."
>Siren's voice trails off, as she's just caught sight of Lake Erie out the window.
>Oh 5hit.
>"BOO!" you shout at the top of your lungs.
>"AAHHH!" she squeals, and would have 5hit herself if you hadn't squeezed her before putting her in the seat.
>"Why scawe Siwen?!" she sobs.
>Whew, that was a close one. You probably narrowly dodged a drowning there.

>After a very long car ride, you have finally arrived at Spaghetti Land.
>The place is PACKED.
>Fluffy ponies milling about everywhere, looking happy as can be.
>Tired-looking owners with them, looking a bit less happy.
>Probably about the same expression you have.
>It's adorable to see the cute little critters having fun, but the price of admission is steep.
>Even more so when you add in the "all you can eat spaghetti pass".
>Right, let's see what there is to do here...

>Siren wants spaghetti, so you go there first.
>You try some of it too. It tastes like cardboard.
>About what you expected for theme park food, really.
>Then you put her on the "good fluffy ride".
>That was pretty fun to watch. She's certainly more obedient afterwards.
>If they'd added a "and don't whine so much" moral, it would've been worth the price of admission by itself.
>She rides the ferris wheel. It's not very big, but she looks thrilled.
>You put her on the rollercoaster, and she screams and cries and wets herself again.
>Okay, I guess that was a bit too exciting for your little fluffy.
>After all, it went at something close to jogging speed.
>She rides the merry-go-round, and that seems more her style.
>She looks so happy. You take a couple of pictures.
>You grin to yourself. This is a pony riding a pony. Your argument is irrelevant.

>Afterwards, Siren feels dizzy, so you take a break and sit down together.
>Other fluffies are playing with a ball on the astroturf.
>"Siwen can pway wif fwuffies?" she asks.
>Eh, why not? You can watch her from here.
>You unbuckle her from the bench.
>That's right, in Spaghetti Land, even the benches have safety belts.
>Probably a good idea.
>You don't know HOW an unrestrained fluffy would kill itself on a park bench,
>but you're sure it would find a way.
>You watch Siren happily play with the other fluffies, and hope she doesn't die.
>Remarkably, she doesn't.
>After a few minutes of playing, she returns to you, happy, excited.
>Nothing went wrong.
>Or so it seems at first, up until she speaks.

>"Siwen wan' fwend! Siwen wan' anodder fwuffy!"
>Wait, what?
>"Wan' anodder fwuffy! Haf fun pwaying wif fwends! No haf fwuffy fwends at home since 'dee accident'."
>She air-quotes with her hooves. It's funny how fluffy's pick up their owners' mannerisms sometimes.
>"Bwing home new fwuffy, pwease! Siwen wonewy! Siwen wan fwend!"
>Aww, so cute!
>But do you really want to get another fluffy?
>There IS a fluffy store here in the park - probably intended to sell replacements to owners whose fluffies die on the rides.
>You've seen a few accidental deaths already even in the short time you've spent here.
>But another fluffy would double your food and vet bills...
>Not to mention, since you'll be driving home eventually, there's a good chance of it drowning from seeing the lake on the way back.
>Oh no. Siren's making that face.
>The waaambulance is about to start up again.
>And then, out of the corner of your eye, you spot the solution!
>There's a stand selling fluffy dolls.
>TALKING fluffy dolls.
>They're not as big as a real fluffy pony, but they look close enough... maybe...
>Is Siren stupid enough that she could be fooled by..?
>Yeah, of course she is. She's a fluffy pony.
>You pat her on the head before she can start screaming.
>"Okay, Siren. Daddy's going to go get you a new friend right now."
>"Yay!"

>Going over to the stand, you have a short hushed conversation with the proprietor.
>Yep, turns out these dolls are designed for EXACTLY what you have in mind.
>They're scented with various odours that fluffy ponies find reassuring, and designed to look "pretty" to fluffy eyes.
>The fluffy toy speaks when hugged or shaken, and says only positive, encouraging, friendly things.
>And of course, it doesn't require feeding or innoculation, and doesn't ever need to use the litterbox.
>You randomly select a cute little female unicorn, and pay the man.
>Outrageously overpriced, of course, but again, theme park.

>"Here, Siren, this is your new friend!"
>Siren's eyes open wide. "New fwend SO pwetty! Wat new fwend name?"
>Hm, good question. You hadn't thought about that, since it's not a real fluffy.
>But Siren doesn't need to know that.
>May as well get a theme going.
>"Um, her name's ... Melody!"
>"Pwetty name! Siwen wuv Mewody!"
>She gives her new friend a hug, and the voice chip responds:
>"You good fwuffy! Fwuffy wuv you!"
>"Yay!"

>Aw, that's so adorable.
>You and your "two" fluffy ponies continue to enjoy the park.
>You're having fun seeing how Siren interacts with her new "friend".
>She doesn't seem to have noticed that the little fluffy can't move on her own.
>Because she keeps grabbing her, hugging her, and dragging her around, Melody still gets where she's going.

>"OOOOH!"
>Siren has just noticed a ride she hasn't been on before.
>The "fluffy drop".
>It's one of those rides where you sit in a chair and it lifts you high in the air, then drops you.
>Only, because it's for fluffy ponies, "high" is maybe fifteen feet.
>And it doesn't so much "drop" as lower you gently.
>Siren is still trembling with excitement.
>"Wanna go dat wide! Wets go dat wide! Mewody wan' go dat wide too?"
>She squeezes the toy, prompting a response.
>"Dat right! Smawty fwuffy!"
>"Yay! Go wide togedder!"
>Of course, there's a problem - Melody, being a toy, is too small to fit in the seats.
>Luckily, the guy running the ride understands, and is careful not to let Siren know her "friend"'s secret.
>"Listen, honey - your friend is too little to just sit in the seat.
>You can take her with you, but you've gotta hold on to her real tight, okay?"
>"Okay!" says Siren happily, hugging her friend tightly.
>Melody, for her part, responds with a cheerful cry of "huggies!"

>The ride slowly ascends.
>Most of the seats are occupied by pegasus fluffies.
>Not surprising - those little fuzzballs all want to fly, and this is as close as they're going to get.
>You smile as you look up at all those little hooves wiggling in the air.
>Fluffy pegasi are flapping their wings, pretending they're soaring majestically.
>And your little - your TWO little unicorns are up there too, flying like the...
>... EAGLE?!
>Nope, you're not hallucinating ... a bird of prey has just descended on the ride, to a chorus of fluffy screams.
>Chaos reigns. Then, poop rains. Then chaos reigns some more.
>The ride operator hastily sets the ride to descend.
>You hear Siren scream. Oh no - the Eagle's attacking her!
>Well, no, as it turns out, not quite.
>"MEWODY! NUUUUUUU!" screams Siren, as the eagle rips the toy out of her feeble grip and flies off with it.
>"Fwuffy wuv you!" are Melody's last words to Siren as she sails out of view.

>You pick up your sobbing little fluffy and hold her close to you.
>"D-daddy..." she cries.
>"There, there, Siren. It's okay. You're gonna be OK."
>"S-siwen's fwuffy... fwen' got eated by biwdie..."
>An odd smile crosses your face.
>Your fluffy pony now knows the feeling shared by fluffy pony owners everywhere when their pet stupidly dies.
>You feel closer to her than ever.
>"P... pwease gif new fwuffy."
>Your smile evaporates instantly.
>Dammit! That toy cost more than a real fluffy pony.