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Strategist14

So Now I'm a DM

Strategist14
Jun 29th, 2015
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  1. [19:58] <rascalywabit> So you are my DM
  2. [19:58] <Lyra[Strategist14]> Alright
  3. [19:59] <rascalywabit> I have just entered, details are irrelevant for that, and am at my computer in my two floor house in my room on the second floor.
  4. [19:59] <rascalywabit> and im in the land of
  5. [20:00] <rascalywabit> AnionCation
  6. [20:00] <rascalywabit> Has provided me with my land
  7. [20:00] <rascalywabit> He calls it the land of Ducks and Shit
  8. [20:00] <rascalywabit> Filth*
  9. [20:01] <rascalywabit> I need you to explain what I see when I first look out the window
  10. [20:04] <Lyra[Strategist14]> Blue ocean as far as the eye can see, sparkling in the not-quite-sunlight from above. The water is studded with the occasional tiny islet, just barely large enough to stand on comfortably. Looking down, you can see that your house is positioned precariously atop a particularly large one. This ALSO gives you the opportunity to see what exactly the platforms are made of - a rusted tangle of old metal and other refuse.
  11. [20:05] <rascalywabit> I, Jack, Proceed to open my window to get a better look.
  12. [20:07] <Lyra[Strategist14]> Upon opening the window, you are hit by the smell of a planet-wide garbage dump, underlaced with a salty hint of the ocean. You hear the waves crashing, and with it a surprising volume of quacking.
  13. [20:08] <Lyra[Strategist14]> Roll perception
  14. [20:08] <`DICE> Lyra[Strategist14] rolled perception error: malformed expression
  15. [20:08] <rascalywabit> Wonderful. This is the greatest news he's gotten since his aunt died. What a treat. Jack Proceeds to jump out of his window, attempting to fall a story to the ground.
  16. [20:09] <Lyra[Strategist14]> Roll acrobatics, then
  17. [20:09] <`DICE> Lyra[Strategist14] rolled acrobatics, then error: malformed expression
  18. [20:09] <rascalywabit> roll 1d20-1 for perception
  19. [20:09] <`DICE> rascalywabit rolled 1d20-1 for perception [ 1d20=7 ]{6}
  20. [20:09] <rascalywabit> roll 1d20+2 for acrobatics
  21. [20:09] <`DICE> rascalywabit rolled 1d20+2 for acrobatics [ 1d20=3 ]{5}
  22. [20:09] <Lyra[Strategist14]> You land awkwardly on the trash heap beneath your house, twisting your ankle.
  23. [20:10] <Lyra[Strategist14]> Roll 2d6
  24. [20:10] <`DICE> Lyra[Strategist14] rolled 2d6 [ 2d6=10 ]{10}
  25. [20:10] <Lyra[Strategist14]> You take 10 damage.
  26. [20:10] <rascalywabit> roll 3d6+2
  27. [20:10] <`DICE> rascalywabit rolled 3d6+2 [ 3d6=10 ]{12}
  28. [20:10] <rascalywabit> Jack currently has two health remaining.
  29. [20:11] <rascalywabit> He laments his existence, instantly regretting that decision
  30. [20:11] <rascalywabit> Jack decides to gorge on some of the garbage
  31. [20:11] <Lyra[Strategist14]> ((What.))
  32. [20:11] <rascalywabit> Jack eats the trash
  33. [20:11] <rascalywabit> He eats it, Lyra.
  34. [20:12] <Lyra[Strategist14]> Fine, you eat random garbage. Roll Constitution to force yourself to eat salt-soaked trash.
  35. [20:12] <rascalywabit> roll 1d20+2
  36. [20:12] <`DICE> rascalywabit rolled 1d20+2 [ 1d20=12 ]{14}
  37. [20:12] <Lyra[Strategist14]> You successfully manage to find something close enough to being edible to ingest without any harmful side effects. Doesn't taste very good, though
  38. [20:13] <rascalywabit> It's not about it tasting good.
  39. [20:13] <rascalywabit> It's about sending a message
  40. [20:13] <Lyra[Strategist14]> ==>
  41. [20:13] <rascalywabit> Jack walks over to his house, pulling out AHAB'S CROSSHAIR'S
  42. [20:13] <rascalywabit> Or at least that's what he calls it.
  43. [20:14] <rascalywabit> It's just a nailed bat.
  44. [20:14] <rascalywabit> He slams it into the drywall of his house, wondering what would happen
  45. [20:14] <Lyra[Strategist14]> Roll athletics
  46. [20:14] <`DICE> Lyra[Strategist14] rolled athletics error: malformed expression
  47. [20:14] <rascalywabit> roll 1d20+3 for athletics
  48. [20:14] <`DICE> rascalywabit rolled 1d20+3 for athletics [ 1d20=7 ]{10}
  49. [20:15] <Lyra[Strategist14]> You successfully whack your house with a nailed baseball bat. The loud BANG it produces can barely be heard over the constant crashing of waves and quacking of as-yet-unseen ducks
  50. [20:15] <rascalywabit> Ducks?
  51. [20:15] <rascalywabit> Where?
  52. [20:15] <rascalywabit> I look for said ducks
  53. [20:15] <Lyra[Strategist14]> Roll perception
  54. [20:15] <`DICE> Lyra[Strategist14] rolled perception error: malformed expression
  55. [20:15] <rascalywabit> roll 1d20-1
  56. [20:15] <`DICE> rascalywabit rolled 1d20-1 [ 1d20=20 ]{19}
  57. [20:16] <Lyra[Strategist14]> You suddenly become aware of every duck ever
  58. [20:16] <Lyra[Strategist14]> One is currently hiding inside your microwave
  59. [20:16] <rascalywabit> (lmao)
  60. [20:16] <Lyra[Strategist14]> The others are roosting atop and inside the various piles of trash that festoon the planet
  61. [20:17] <rascalywabit> I go to the microwave and turn it on, since he's already in there anyway.
  62. [20:17] <Lyra[Strategist14]> You hear the panicked beat of wings, followed by a loud splat and then silence
  63. [20:17] <Lyra[Strategist14]> Then the microwave dings. Your meal is ready!
  64. [20:17] <rascalywabit> I open the microwave, time to feast!
  65. [20:18] <Lyra[Strategist14]> Inside the microwave lie the remains of an exploded duck.
  66. [20:18] <rascalywabit> I scrap it all up on a plate and sit at the table, doing so very violently.
  67. [20:19] <Lyra[Strategist14]> ==>
  68. [20:19] <rascalywabit> I proceed to attempt to convince the remains that it is still live duck.
  69. [20:20] <Lyra[Strategist14]> Please roll persuation
  70. [20:20] <Lyra[Strategist14]> Persuasion*
  71. [20:20] <rascalywabit> roll 1d20-1
  72. [20:20] <`DICE> rascalywabit rolled 1d20-1 [ 1d20=1 ]{0}
  73. [20:20] <Lyra[Strategist14]> You convince yourself that the duck is alive.
  74. [20:21] <rascalywabit> I put it back in the microwave for about 10 minutes to make sure that the duck is indeed dead, and then leave. Time to find something else to kill.
  75. [20:22] <Lyra[Strategist14]> Where do you go?
  76. [20:22] <rascalywabit> Just, anywhere man. I check wherever I can for things to kill with AHAB'S CROSSHAIRS
  77. [20:23] <rascalywabit> The breeze is my master!
  78. [20:23] <Lyra[Strategist14]> Roll perception
  79. [20:23] <`DICE> Lyra[Strategist14] rolled perception error: malformed expression
  80. [20:23] <rascalywabit> roll 1d20-1
  81. [20:23] <`DICE> rascalywabit rolled 1d20-1 [ 1d20=15 ]{14}
  82. [20:25] <Lyra[Strategist14]> Suddenly aware of a change in the chorus of quacking, you look outside. On the nearest trash islet, several ducks are absconding for their life from what looks like a black, vaguely humanoid creature. It has claws and fangs, but seems nervous about entering the water.
  83. [20:26] <rascalywabit> I walk over, hiding my bat behind my back
  84. [20:26] <rascalywabit> Jack asks this creature to marry him
  85. [20:26] <Lyra[Strategist14]> Do you have a means of walking on water?
  86. [20:26] <Lyra[Strategist14]> The creature is on the nearest islet in the planet-wide ocean, not the same one as your house.
  87. [20:27] <rascalywabit> I roll to walk on water.
  88. [20:27] <rascalywabit> roll 1d20 ??? somehow
  89. [20:27] <`DICE> rascalywabit rolled 1d20 ??? somehow [ 1d20=5 ]{5}
  90. [20:27] <Lyra[Strategist14]> Roll a d100 to transcend your mortal limits
  91. [20:27] <`DICE> Lyra[Strategist14] rolled a d100 to transcend your mortal limits error: malformed expression
  92. [20:28] <rascalywabit> roll 1d100 to transcend mortal limits
  93. [20:28] <`DICE> rascalywabit rolled 1d100 to transcend mortal limits [ 1d100=22 ]{22}
  94. [20:28] <Lyra[Strategist14]> Make a persuasion and athletics check as well
  95. [20:29] <rascalywabit> roll 1d20+3 for athletics
  96. [20:29] <`DICE> rascalywabit rolled 1d20+3 for athletics [ 1d20=9 ]{12}
  97. [20:29] <rascalywabit> roll 1d20-1 for pers
  98. [20:29] <`DICE> rascalywabit rolled 1d20-1 for pers [ 1d20=5 ]{4}
  99. [20:29] <Lyra[Strategist14]> You fail to convince yourself that you can walk on water
  100. [20:29] <rascalywabit> So what does that mean.
  101. [20:29] <Lyra[Strategist14]> You can not walk on water.
  102. [20:30] <rascalywabit> I attempted to anyway, what happens next?
  103. [20:30] <Lyra[Strategist14]> You walk into the water
  104. [20:30] <rascalywabit> I'm now in water.
  105. [20:30] <Lyra[Strategist14]> As it turns out, it only goes down to about shin-height before flattening out
  106. [20:30] <rascalywabit> Okay that's dumb.
  107. [20:31] <rascalywabit> You cant even drown
  108. [20:31] <Lyra[Strategist14]> However, the terrain is still rough, and being unable to see where you're stepping is making it difficult to move without tripping
  109. [20:32] <rascalywabit> Jack doesn't really mind that, since water is kind of really easy to navigate. Being water and all. Er.. Where is the shin again?
  110. [20:32] <Lyra[Strategist14]> Just below the knee
  111. [20:32] <rascalywabit> I wade over to the inlet.
  112. [20:33] <Lyra[Strategist14]> The imp enters a fighting stance
  113. [20:33] <Lyra[Strategist14]> STRIFE
  114. [20:33] <rascalywabit> Wait what nooo
  115. [20:33] <rascalywabit> "I only want you to marry me!"
  116. [20:33] <rascalywabit> He exclaims.
  117. [20:33] <Lyra[Strategist14]> Make a persuasion check
  118. [20:33] <rascalywabit> roll 1d20-1
  119. [20:33] <`DICE> rascalywabit rolled 1d20-1 [ 1d20=13 ]{12}
  120. [20:33] <Lyra[Strategist14]> The imp is confused by your statement, and relaxes its stance
  121. [20:34] <Lyra[Strategist14]> It also gives you a funny look
  122. [20:34] <rascalywabit> "Please, lettuce create the babies and shoosh into the night and all will be well forever. Don't you want to be free of the shackles LONELINESS?"
  123. [20:35] <Lyra[Strategist14]> Roll persuasion again
  124. [20:35] <`DICE> Lyra[Strategist14] rolled persuasion again error: malformed expression
  125. [20:35] <rascalywabit> roll 1d20-1
  126. [20:35] <`DICE> rascalywabit rolled 1d20-1 [ 1d20=18 ]{17}
  127. [20:35] <Lyra[Strategist14]> The imp appears to be giving it some serious thought this time.
  128. [20:35] <Lyra[Strategist14]> Tentatively, it steps into the water to approach you
  129. [20:35] <rascalywabit> Jack holds out his hand, true love just about to be reached. This is so beautiful.
  130. [20:36] <Lyra[Strategist14]> One more check
  131. [20:36] <rascalywabit> roll 1d20-1
  132. [20:36] <`DICE> rascalywabit rolled 1d20-1 [ 1d20=18 ]{17}
  133. [20:36] <Lyra[Strategist14]> The imp takes your hand and folds you into its embrace
  134. [20:37] <rascalywabit> Jack then proceeded to live the rest of his life in happiness.
  135. [20:37] <rascalywabit> The end.
  136. [20:37] <Lyra[Strategist14]> Roll 1d20 for children
  137. [20:37] <`DICE> Lyra[Strategist14] rolled 1d20 for children [ 1d20=19 ]{19}
  138. [20:38] <Lyra[Strategist14]> You and the imp have nineteen children. What will their names be?
  139. [20:41] <rascalywabit> Jack Noir, Jack Spades, Diamonds Jack, Jackee, Jackie, Jack Junior, Jack the third, Clubs Jack, Fruity Rumpus Asshole Jack, Hearts Jack, Slick Jack, Lord Jack, Jericho, Water Queen Jack Pamela, Jack Lyre, Jack Lyra, Jack^2 and Jac
  140. [20:41] <Lyra[Strategist14]> Perfect
  141. [20:42] <Lyra[Strategist14]> For each of those flawless names, you skyrocket another dozen echeladder rungs
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