Unworthy (twixanon, autism, sad) unfinished

>you can't cuddle as much as you'd like to in the castle because the doors don't have keys and there's always ponies coming in for stupid shit like neighbors arguing over each-other's fences' height etc
>the only way you can really spend time together is when you get out and find a nice quiet place
>and you know what she means by it whenever she asks you if you want to take a walk outside
>you perk up as she calls for you
>then her words come
>then you see the glint in her eyes
>and your heart skips a beat as realization dawns on you
>she always tries to look innocent when asking for it
>as if she thinks you'd tell her no if she was more forward
>or maybe it's part of the game for her?
>you already thought about it, she's an alicorn
>she's the element of magic
>and she's somehow not capable of locking doors with force-spells or something like that?
>or maybe replace the doors with ones you can lock?
>maybe she loves the thrill of being caught?
>you kinda do, even though you never really told her
>you know she'll ask for it at some point though
>she'll make you say it
>she'll force you to confess
>but she bursts your bubble as she calls out to you once more
>her tone is different, ever so slightly so, eagerness?
>but you're not one to leave your princess waiting, so you close the book you were reading and get up as you see her smile widens

>yes, this is eagerness
>the way she's holding your hand with her magic and nearly pulling you forward, not unlike a leash, and the fact that she's trotting faster than usual
>maybe she wants to tell you something important?
>it's 'only' been a couple days since your last moment together
>and your heart starts racing as the images flood your mind
>you wonder if she can feel it with her magic
>you've been walking for about two minutes now, and the scent of pastries as you pass sugarcube corner reminds you that you skipped breakfast
>so you ask her if you can get some, for later
>"Quickly,"

>you couldn't be quicker
>there were so many ponies inside!
>it wasn't your fault!
>you know she knows it's not really your fault, but you can still see she's frustrated
>even if she tells you that 'It's fine'
>she's still tugging at your arm the same way she does when you're late at some meeting with Celestia
>and you can't help but revel in it
>you love seeing her like that
>the way her ears flick at any sounds coming from your surroundings and the way her eyes instantly lock onto its origin, making sure whatever it is, it will not stop or slow you down
>her magic feels nice too
>comforting, even if she's tugging and pressing you on
>but most importantly the fact that she's eager to get somewhere, with you
>and her voice
>you really can't help it, this is the kind of attention you love
>that you crave
>she makes a show of how much she wants to be with you, in front of everypony else
>and maybe they can't see it, but you can
>so you feel the need to... tease her, from time to time
>and now's a good time
"Why don't we pass by to say hi to Rarity while we're here?"
>she huffs in response
>oh yeah, now's a good time

>maybe you got carried away
>slightly
>maybe you should've stopped at 'going to the market to ask AJ about granny's hip replacement'
>or maybe at 'ask Dash for an autograph'
>or maybe at getting some of snowflake's nuts
>but you can't help it!
>she's so cute
>adorable
>beautiful when she's frustrated
>a voice in your head tells you you're an asshole
>and a harsher than usual tug on your sleeve gives it reason

>"Is that all you need?!"
>you love her so much right now
"Yeah, I think so, where are we going anyway?"
>she turns her head to send you a death glare as she keeps going with you in tow
>okay maybe you got caught up in the moment and went a bit too far and you'll need to tell her you're sorry--
>you yelp in surprise as she throws you over some bush, the bags of groceries falling not too far from you
>you barely have the time to recover that she lands on top of you, her weight forcing any ounce of air you had left out of your lungs
>and her lips find yours
>it takes you a good two seconds to realize what's happening, but she doesn't give you the time to kiss her back and pulls out
>and you find her glaring at you
>"I can't believe you!"
>you lift your hands up in reflex
"I'm innocent!"
>"No you're not! You are so not innocent! You knew I wanted to spend some time alone with you and you... you! Ugh!"
>yeah, you went too far
>you're an ass
>but it doesn't stop you from loving this situation
>which makes you feel even worse
>but you need to tell her
"I love you,"
>your hands find her hooves as you tell her
>and she groans in response
>"Don't you 'I love you' me! You're not getting away from this!"
>but why would you want to get away
>but you still need to apologize
"I'm sorry, I know I went too far, and I really didn't plan to make you mad, really, maybe tease you a bit but--"
>"That wasn't the plan?! What did you think was going to happen?!"
>ouch
>you really need to defuse this
"W-well, I knew you were going to be mad at me but..."
>shit, how do you even explain something like that without--
>"Then why would you do it?"
>oh, that way
"Because I love it when you're like that...?"
>she blinks
>twice
>okay maybe you should've tried something else
>"You love making me mad?"

>no!
"No, I mean, yes, a bit, not like this, I swear, I just got carried away, it's just that... you're so cute when you're like that and..."
>you inhale deeply, steeling yourself to keep going and to somehow find the right words
>"And?"
"And... you know? It's not just about you being upset, but the reason why you're upset, you're not just upset at me, you're upset because you care about me... and, huh, it proves how much you want to spend time with me?"
>she's confused
>there may even be some hurt in her eyes
>fuck
>you really are an asshole
>"You do know that I love you, right?"
"Yes! Of course--"
>"So what, you don't trust me when I say so?"
"No! I mean, yes, of course I trust you, that's not, this isn't why I'm doing this, it's..."
>then it hits your face
>a drop
>and your heart sinks
"No, no, no no no, please Twilight, don't cry,"
>your hands shoot up and you cup her cheeks, your thumbs instantly finding their ways across each sides to swipe away any tears and try and stop the flow altogether
"That's not what I meant, I swear, Twilight, please,"
>the sight destroys you and it doesn't take your tears longer than this to build up too
>you fucked up
"Come here,"
>you need it right now
>more than ever, you need to feel her close to you
>for you, and for her
>so you pull her closer to you, and she thankfully doesn't resist
>and she soon finds her place on top of your chest, her cheek resting against your neck as you wrap your arms around her to hug her as hard as you can
"I love you Twilight,"
>you open your mouth, once, twice, but the words don't come
"I swear, I didn't mean for... this to happen, I'm so sorry,"
>she doesn't respond, but you still feel her hooves tightening around your frame and her wings trying to cover more and more of your touch

"Of course I trust you, I know you love me, even if I start wondering why you would do such a thing from time to time, it's not about that, it's not about needing a proof, it's... it's about wanting more?"
>or is it?
>or maybe you're just lying to yourself, as always
"I love you, so much, I-I..."
>don't you dare fuck this up now
>she's the best thing that's ever happened to you and nothing will ever come close to it, ever
"I'm sorry I'm such an asshole,"
>"Yes, you are,"
>you swear you feel your heart stop for a moment, until a chuckle breaks through her sobbing, and relief washes over you
>and you remember that you need to breathe

__

>>31451527
"I really shouldn't have done that, I-I knew I should've stopped but--it's just... I couldn't help it, you're--"
>shit
>you're so bad at this
"To see you acting like that, and dragging me around and pouting about the fact that we were running around town instead of cuddling under a tree, and... to see you coping with my bullshit, you know? There's nothing like this, it's--I, I know that you love me, of course I trust you, I trust you with my life Twilight, I'd give it up for you, but..."
>she shifts a bit and sniffs as she uses your neck to wipe her tears
>the tears she shed because of you
"But still... there's nothing like this, I know it upsets you and I don't want that, I swear, but all I end up seeing is the mare I love eager to spend some time with me, and that's--it's... it makes me feel so alive, so... loved? A-and not just loved, but loved by the most beautiful and wonderful mare I've ever met,"
>she stays silent
>and you're not sure if it's a good or a bad thing
>you really need to hear her voice right now
>even if it's to shout at you
>even if it's to scowl at you and tell you how much of an asshole you are
>but at least to know and to make sure you're on the right tracks, that you're somehow making her feel better
>but nothing comes
>you really fucked up that bad, huh
"You know, I'd understand if you..."
>you can't believe you're about to say that shit
>you really shouldn't say it
>but what else can you do?
>she's more important, right?
>if she thinks...
>if she wants it then
>you fill your lungs to try and steel yourself
"If you wanted us to take a break, you know, just for a few days or maybe--OOF!"
>her hoof slamming onto your chest stops your words in their tracks
>"NO!"
>she lifts herself up for her face to stand right over yours
>seeing the state in which her face is doesn't really make you feel better about yourself
>and not only is there sadness in there, there's also anger now
>genuine anger
>"Don't say that! Don't you dare say that!"