Unworthy (twixanon, autism, sad) unfinished

Nov 28th, 2017
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  1. >you can't cuddle as much as you'd like to in the castle because the doors don't have keys and there's always ponies coming in for stupid shit like neighbors arguing over each-other's fences' height etc
  2. >the only way you can really spend time together is when you get out and find a nice quiet place
  3. >and you know what she means by it whenever she asks you if you want to take a walk outside
  4. >you perk up as she calls for you
  5. >then her words come
  6. >then you see the glint in her eyes
  7. >and your heart skips a beat as realization dawns on you
  8. >she always tries to look innocent when asking for it
  9. >as if she thinks you'd tell her no if she was more forward
  10. >or maybe it's part of the game for her?
  11. >you already thought about it, she's an alicorn
  12. >she's the element of magic
  13. >and she's somehow not capable of locking doors with force-spells or something like that?
  14. >or maybe replace the doors with ones you can lock?
  15. >maybe she loves the thrill of being caught?
  16. >you kinda do, even though you never really told her
  17. >you know she'll ask for it at some point though
  18. >she'll make you say it
  19. >she'll force you to confess
  20. >but she bursts your bubble as she calls out to you once more
  21. >her tone is different, ever so slightly so, eagerness?
  22. >but you're not one to leave your princess waiting, so you close the book you were reading and get up as you see her smile widens
  24. >yes, this is eagerness
  25. >the way she's holding your hand with her magic and nearly pulling you forward, not unlike a leash, and the fact that she's trotting faster than usual
  26. >maybe she wants to tell you something important?
  27. >it's 'only' been a couple days since your last moment together
  28. >and your heart starts racing as the images flood your mind
  29. >you wonder if she can feel it with her magic
  30. >you've been walking for about two minutes now, and the scent of pastries as you pass sugarcube corner reminds you that you skipped breakfast
  31. >so you ask her if you can get some, for later
  32. >"Quickly,"
  34. >you couldn't be quicker
  35. >there were so many ponies inside!
  36. >it wasn't your fault!
  37. >you know she knows it's not really your fault, but you can still see she's frustrated
  38. >even if she tells you that 'It's fine'
  39. >she's still tugging at your arm the same way she does when you're late at some meeting with Celestia
  40. >and you can't help but revel in it
  41. >you love seeing her like that
  42. >the way her ears flick at any sounds coming from your surroundings and the way her eyes instantly lock onto its origin, making sure whatever it is, it will not stop or slow you down
  43. >her magic feels nice too
  44. >comforting, even if she's tugging and pressing you on
  45. >but most importantly the fact that she's eager to get somewhere, with you
  46. >and her voice
  47. >you really can't help it, this is the kind of attention you love
  48. >that you crave
  49. >she makes a show of how much she wants to be with you, in front of everypony else
  50. >and maybe they can't see it, but you can
  51. >so you feel the need to... tease her, from time to time
  52. >and now's a good time
  53. "Why don't we pass by to say hi to Rarity while we're here?"
  54. >she huffs in response
  55. >oh yeah, now's a good time
  57. >maybe you got carried away
  58. >slightly
  59. >maybe you should've stopped at 'going to the market to ask AJ about granny's hip replacement'
  60. >or maybe at 'ask Dash for an autograph'
  61. >or maybe at getting some of snowflake's nuts
  62. >but you can't help it!
  63. >she's so cute
  64. >adorable
  65. >beautiful when she's frustrated
  66. >a voice in your head tells you you're an asshole
  67. >and a harsher than usual tug on your sleeve gives it reason
  69. >"Is that all you need?!"
  70. >you love her so much right now
  71. "Yeah, I think so, where are we going anyway?"
  72. >she turns her head to send you a death glare as she keeps going with you in tow
  73. >okay maybe you got caught up in the moment and went a bit too far and you'll need to tell her you're sorry--
  74. >you yelp in surprise as she throws you over some bush, the bags of groceries falling not too far from you
  75. >you barely have the time to recover that she lands on top of you, her weight forcing any ounce of air you had left out of your lungs
  76. >and her lips find yours
  77. >it takes you a good two seconds to realize what's happening, but she doesn't give you the time to kiss her back and pulls out
  78. >and you find her glaring at you
  79. >"I can't believe you!"
  80. >you lift your hands up in reflex
  81. "I'm innocent!"
  82. >"No you're not! You are so not innocent! You knew I wanted to spend some time alone with you and you... you! Ugh!"
  83. >yeah, you went too far
  84. >you're an ass
  85. >but it doesn't stop you from loving this situation
  86. >which makes you feel even worse
  87. >but you need to tell her
  88. "I love you,"
  89. >your hands find her hooves as you tell her
  90. >and she groans in response
  91. >"Don't you 'I love you' me! You're not getting away from this!"
  92. >but why would you want to get away
  93. >but you still need to apologize
  94. "I'm sorry, I know I went too far, and I really didn't plan to make you mad, really, maybe tease you a bit but--"
  95. >"That wasn't the plan?! What did you think was going to happen?!"
  96. >ouch
  97. >you really need to defuse this
  98. "W-well, I knew you were going to be mad at me but..."
  99. >shit, how do you even explain something like that without--
  100. >"Then why would you do it?"
  101. >oh, that way
  102. "Because I love it when you're like that...?"
  103. >she blinks
  104. >twice
  105. >okay maybe you should've tried something else
  106. >"You love making me mad?"
  108. >no!
  109. "No, I mean, yes, a bit, not like this, I swear, I just got carried away, it's just that... you're so cute when you're like that and..."
  110. >you inhale deeply, steeling yourself to keep going and to somehow find the right words
  111. >"And?"
  112. "And... you know? It's not just about you being upset, but the reason why you're upset, you're not just upset at me, you're upset because you care about me... and, huh, it proves how much you want to spend time with me?"
  113. >she's confused
  114. >there may even be some hurt in her eyes
  115. >fuck
  116. >you really are an asshole
  117. >"You do know that I love you, right?"
  118. "Yes! Of course--"
  119. >"So what, you don't trust me when I say so?"
  120. "No! I mean, yes, of course I trust you, that's not, this isn't why I'm doing this, it's..."
  121. >then it hits your face
  122. >a drop
  123. >and your heart sinks
  124. "No, no, no no no, please Twilight, don't cry,"
  125. >your hands shoot up and you cup her cheeks, your thumbs instantly finding their ways across each sides to swipe away any tears and try and stop the flow altogether
  126. "That's not what I meant, I swear, Twilight, please,"
  127. >the sight destroys you and it doesn't take your tears longer than this to build up too
  128. >you fucked up
  129. "Come here,"
  130. >you need it right now
  131. >more than ever, you need to feel her close to you
  132. >for you, and for her
  133. >so you pull her closer to you, and she thankfully doesn't resist
  134. >and she soon finds her place on top of your chest, her cheek resting against your neck as you wrap your arms around her to hug her as hard as you can
  135. "I love you Twilight,"
  136. >you open your mouth, once, twice, but the words don't come
  137. "I swear, I didn't mean for... this to happen, I'm so sorry,"
  138. >she doesn't respond, but you still feel her hooves tightening around your frame and her wings trying to cover more and more of your touch
  140. "Of course I trust you, I know you love me, even if I start wondering why you would do such a thing from time to time, it's not about that, it's not about needing a proof, it's... it's about wanting more?"
  141. >or is it?
  142. >or maybe you're just lying to yourself, as always
  143. "I love you, so much, I-I..."
  144. >don't you dare fuck this up now
  145. >she's the best thing that's ever happened to you and nothing will ever come close to it, ever
  146. "I'm sorry I'm such an asshole,"
  147. >"Yes, you are,"
  148. >you swear you feel your heart stop for a moment, until a chuckle breaks through her sobbing, and relief washes over you
  149. >and you remember that you need to breathe
  151. __
  153. >>31451527
  154. "I really shouldn't have done that, I-I knew I should've stopped but--it's just... I couldn't help it, you're--"
  155. >shit
  156. >you're so bad at this
  157. "To see you acting like that, and dragging me around and pouting about the fact that we were running around town instead of cuddling under a tree, and... to see you coping with my bullshit, you know? There's nothing like this, it's--I, I know that you love me, of course I trust you, I trust you with my life Twilight, I'd give it up for you, but..."
  158. >she shifts a bit and sniffs as she uses your neck to wipe her tears
  159. >the tears she shed because of you
  160. "But still... there's nothing like this, I know it upsets you and I don't want that, I swear, but all I end up seeing is the mare I love eager to spend some time with me, and that's--it's... it makes me feel so alive, so... loved? A-and not just loved, but loved by the most beautiful and wonderful mare I've ever met,"
  161. >she stays silent
  162. >and you're not sure if it's a good or a bad thing
  163. >you really need to hear her voice right now
  164. >even if it's to shout at you
  165. >even if it's to scowl at you and tell you how much of an asshole you are
  166. >but at least to know and to make sure you're on the right tracks, that you're somehow making her feel better
  167. >but nothing comes
  168. >you really fucked up that bad, huh
  169. "You know, I'd understand if you..."
  170. >you can't believe you're about to say that shit
  171. >you really shouldn't say it
  172. >but what else can you do?
  173. >she's more important, right?
  174. >if she thinks...
  175. >if she wants it then
  176. >you fill your lungs to try and steel yourself
  177. "If you wanted us to take a break, you know, just for a few days or maybe--OOF!"
  178. >her hoof slamming onto your chest stops your words in their tracks
  179. >"NO!"
  180. >she lifts herself up for her face to stand right over yours
  181. >seeing the state in which her face is doesn't really make you feel better about yourself
  182. >and not only is there sadness in there, there's also anger now
  183. >genuine anger
  184. >"Don't say that! Don't you dare say that!"
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