Fatanon 2

>You are Anonymous
>You are freaking the fuck out right now.
>Six of them, you counted six of them.
>Pink, purple, blue, yellow, orange, and white; each of them the size of a rather large dog at that.
>Not only that but the grass you're on is REALLY fucking green. Like, this is the healthiest God damn grass you have ever seen in your life.
>Now you're just nitpicking, but still... LITTLE TALKING HORSES.
>'Okay, first of all, calm down.'
>The pink one backed away, a frown gracing her features.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you Mr. Blob, I'll go away now."
>That sad look she's giving you is enough to pierce through the layers upon layers of fat surrounding your heart, and it starts to hurt... or maybe that's the heart burn from your cheese nacho lunch.
>Doesn't matter, what matters is that you made the poor thing sad... whatever it is.
>"Uh... um... where am I?"
>The purple one stepped forward.
"You can understand us? That makes things much easier. There was a flash of light in this field and my friends and I came to investigate. As for where you are..."
"Mr. Blob it's totally okay! It was my fault for jumping in front of you when you didn't know what was going on. I mean, I just didn't know what you were and it's soooooooooo interesting. OOOOOO! I Know! Let's throw you a totally awesome welcoming party to welcome you to Ponyville! You'll have so much fun, and everypony is really nice so you'll fit right in!"
>You don't know what compels you to do so, maybe it's the shock of the whole situation finally cracking your sanity.
>Regardless, you reach out and clamp her mouth shut with your hand.
>And she keeps going!
"Mmmphrrmghmmph. Mmmmmghmph."
>As if the situation isn't weird enough the blue one breaks into laughter.
"Hahahaha. Oh man I wish I could do that sometimes!"
>The purple one took another step forward and gently pushed the pink one out of the way, who by now had ceased her endless babble.
"My name is Twilight Sparkle, and these are my friends: Pinkie Pie ("HIYA!"), Applejack ("Howdy."), Fluttershy ("..."), Rarity ("Nice to meet you."), and Rainbow Dash ("Sup.")."
>"I'm uh... I'm Anonymous. Why can you talk?"
>The one called Twilight Sparkle gives you a confused look.
"Because I learned to when I was little? At the risk of sounding rude... what exactly ARE you?"
>Okay, there's one of two possibilities, either you got knocked out by the asphalt and you're having a very vivid dream, or you're tripping some serious fucking balls.
>The latter is impossible, you're not exactly into drugs.
>The former, however, makes a bit more sense. Then again, there is the fact that this is all a scary fucking level of vivid.
>Twilight tilts her head.
"Um... are you alright?"
>"Wha... yeah."
"You haven't answered my question."
>"I'm a human, and you're all horses apparently."
>The one named Rainbow Dash walks to you and jabs you in your fat belly with her hoof.
"That's ponies to you Mister. Are all of you 'humans' this big?"
>"No... I'm just..."
>Rainbow Dash grins.
"Fat?"
>Ouch.
>Rarity, the white pony, trots to Rainbow Dash, shaking her head the whole way.
"Darling, where are your manners? Just because he is... plump... does not mean he doesn't deserve respect. Obviously he is an intelligent being. Granted he could have a better sense of fashion, but still!"
>Twilight lets out a small grunt of frustration, obviously tired of getting overtaken by her friends.
"Listen, like my friend Rarity said, you're obviously sentient, as such you automatically have rights in Equestria associated with that intelligence. I am interested in something, though. Where exactly did you come from?"
>It's at this point that your panic returns, though not at the same level it had been when you first saw Pinkie Pie.
>"I'm not on Earth anymore... am I?"
>Twilight tilts her head once more, and blinks.
"Earth?"
>FUCKDAMN SHITCUNTS.

>Day 3 in Equestria.
>Holy shit this is the craziest thing that's ever happened to you.
>You are stuck in a world with talking ponies who stand no higher than your stomach.
>And God help you...
>You are loving every second of it.
>Your jimmies are so unrustled right now, not even thinking about feminism pisses you off.
>Seriously, this shit is amazing.
>Twilight has shown you around town, and has agreed to find a way to return you home, in the mean time you're staying in the library with her.
>Not only that, but holy shit...
>There's this fucking place.
>Sugar Cube Corner.
>You do miss meat, but never has your sweet tooth been so satiated than the time you spend within that Holy Grail of a building.
>It's like God himself descended upon Equestria and granted it with the greatest thing since Dunkin' Donuts, slathering ponies with his blessed sugary semen.
>Then there was the bubbly greeting you received every time you walked in.
"HIYA ANON!"
>You can't help but smile every time you hear that voice.
>Bitches like this usually annoy the hell out of you, but there's something about Pinkie Pie that's endlessly charming.
>"Morning Pinkie, the usual."
>You waddle up to the counter, but something is different today, Pinkie is frowning.
"I'm sorry Anon, but I can't."
>She sniffles.
>Mother fucker, NO ONE makes Pinkie Pie cry.
>And NO ONE keeps you away from your doughnuts.
>"Why can't you?"
"Dashie made me promise."
>Fuck the what.
>"Why?"
"I'm sooooo sorry Anon. I know you're one of my bestest best friends ever, and you love my baking and I love sharing it with you, but Dashie made me Pinkie promise that I wouldn't give you anymore sweets until you talked to her."
>"She... what?"
>Pinkie jumps over the counter and falls to the ground at your feet, wrapping her hooves around your ankles and bawling her eyes out.
"I'm sooooo sorry Anon!"
>Dash is keeping you from your doughnuts.
>It
>is
>ON