I'm registered, an inferior posterior investigator,
	So sit the fuck down, ignorant hater.
	Whoa, your sister's hot, I wanna date her,
	Ten out of ten is how I'd rate her.

	She has a pretty nice behind,
	just saying, hope you don't mind.
	Oh you're mad? You're raging blind?
	Dude, comeon, unwind.

	I investigate dat ass for my job,
	Pickin' the hot ones outta mobs.
	When there's a group of good ones in my sight,
	There's always one that's super tight.
	And then you got the ones that bite,
	or are just good from the back, in hindsight.

	I'm an inferior posterior investigator,
	I know you're straight, yeah girl sure.
	Don't you lie about your attraction,
	Eww, wait, that's a fat chin.

	I'm picking the bad ones out from the good,
	Just like a good semaritan should.
	I got the eye of a fat cat,
	Looking under furniture for a tasty rat.

	I see a good girl walking like she should,
	I climb right out of a car's hood.
	Propose to her, there and then,
	Wrong choice, I'm in the lion's den.
	Niggas attack on every side.
	Shoulda resisted that tempting backside.

	I'm trained to kick ass and admire it too,
	Kick plenty of it, then say boo,
	Last one runs like a scaredy-cat,
	Trips over a random welcome matt.

	Not my problem, I'm walking away,
	Live to check bitches out on another day.
	That's my story and I'm stickin' too it,
	Ninety-nine percent chance that one has a zit.
	I can predict with certainty,
	Dat ass suffered some plastic insurgency.

	Baby come one, sit down,
	Your nickname's Baby, capitalized as a proper noun,
	One day you'll probably come around,
	But your ass is the talk'a'da'town.
	I wanna bring it in for show and tell,
	But Mr. Curry would give me hell!
	Gonna settle for just a picture or two,
	Immortalized in the “Dat Ass” Zoo!

	Listing the bad ones on a helluva long list,
	Also naming the ones that are hard to resist.
	Categorize all of the backsides,
	Got the flat ones, and the ones hard to hide.

	There some sweet cheeks,
	their sexiness reeks.
	Wanna grab it but I gotta resist,
	Girl's like a snake, but she makes mine hiss.

	Real smooth guy asking a baddie out,
	I warn the guy with a friendly shout.
	He turns her and sees the subject of my warning,
	speeds off leaving the girl mourning.

	That's the sort of thing I do everyday,
	Gotta warn the good guys about the shit launch bays,
	The shuttle's out on that one, friend,
	Check it out next time she bends,
	Hell, I'm out, gotta go to the park,
	Gotta check my list twice after dark.
	Not that one, she's one fat shark,
	she'd swallow a wale and a hay bale.

	A cow, she is, tried and true,
	never let that one suck you.
	Your dick will vanish faster than you can say “boo”
	A decision to eternally rue.
	I know dat ass from the crass,
	The nice ones from the trash,
	Stick with me, and get good posterior,
	Disregard me, you get stuck with the inferior.
	That's the way it'll always be,
	Frat boys adore and praise me.