Patrick S. Tomlinson Marathon

Fatfuck’s half-marathon boasting on Instagram hit a fever pitch a few months ago...he had daily posts - many disgusting and shirtless - talking about how he was a 2 hour half-marathon runner and in serious training for the 2019 Brewers Half Marathon. This got me thinking, because visually it’s clear that Patrick S Tomlinson has never, ever physically exerted himself.

A user contacted the proprietor of marathoninvestigation.com (great website btw) and got pointers on what to look for in a cheater and what the typical cheater’s M.O. is like. Warning bells went off when he responded that cheaters are typical arrogant narcissists with extreme obsessions with their online lives...the fit was too perfect!

Upon review of Fatty’s Brewers Half-Marathon results, I found something interesting. Other than his awful photos lumbering toward the finish line, he was clearly walking. His terrible, embarrassing 2:45-ish finish time didn’t make sense for a walker, but if he had only covered 8-9 miles then the time matched perfectly.

A review of the course showed two spots where a racer could have cut the course’s out-and-back sections and totaled ~4 miles cut. Furthermore, there were photographers set up on both of those sections:  Fatrick is one of few runners not to appear in any photos from that section.

The most damning evidence is from Fatso himself. In his long, painful diatribe “refuting” these scholarly claims, Fatass claimed that he sprained his ankle on Mile 4 and ran ~8 miles on it...as a runner myself I assure you that this is bullshit. He made incorrect claims about timing mats and water stations that anyone who ran the race would have known. His sperg-out regarding this issue is WAY more involved than anything else we’ve claimed about him, leading to the conclusion that it’s TRUE.

Upon finding out that marathoninvestigation.com and our sub were onto his cheating scheme, two things happened in the same week:  the constant posting about his “marathon training” ceased, and he withdrew from this weekend’s Brewers Half-Marathon. If these aren’t the actions of a cheater knowing he’s caught, then what is the explanation?

Occam’s Razor dictates that the simplest explanation is usually the true one. I believe in this case the simplest explanation is the one contained herein.