Thread 16: Stories 16-30

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With a purpose full of grimace
And a terrible sound
She brings deathly white, icy mountains down

Helpless griffons in their kingdom
Scream for blood as she blithely tramples them

She she splatters a hydra and takes a dragon down
As her eyes fix on the distant Canterlot town

Oh, no! Watch out Celestia!
Go! Go! Chitania!

Oh, no! There goes Equestria!
Go! Go! Chitania!

Oh, no! The earth trembles as she goes!
Go! Go! Chitania!

Oh, no! She's gonna lay Chrysi low!
Go! Go! Chitania!

Chitania!

Oh, no! Watch out Celestia!
Go! Go! Chitania!

Oh, no! There goes Equestria!
Go! Go! Chitania!

Oh, no! The earth trembles as she goes!
Go! Go! Chitania!

Oh, no! She's gonna lay Chrysi low!
Go! Go! Chitania!

Twilight learns once again
The danger of trying to sate one's brain

Chitania!

Twilight learns once again
The danger of trying to sate one's brain

Chitania!
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>Royal Guard
“Lunar Guard”
‘Crystal Guard’
_________

“So what’s new, cancer spot?”

>Nothing much, neck-splitter.

“Oh for fuck’s sake- we do NOT suck other pony’s blood! We are NOT bats!”

>If it looks like a bat, flies like a bat, has fangs like a bat, what is it? A bat. You and your little colony need to learn some self-acceptance.

“Eat a dick, pervert. While we actually run rounds, all you ‘royals’ do is stare after Celestia’s fat ass.”

>And yet, I fail to see how that’s a bad thing. In fact, it just sounds like jealously.

‘Hey, guys? I’m here too, you know. What, no insulting moniker for us of the diamond crew?’

“Crystal soldiers aren’t really important enough to have a degrading nickname.”

‘Wow. And somehow you managed to degrade me worse than if you’d had a name ready.’

“Well, whatta ya know, I did. Welcome to the fold.”

‘Thanks, glad to be a part of the team.’

>I have to wonder though, am I alone in feeling something is a tad… off?

“You mean like your breastplate there? It is a little crooked, yeah.”

>What? You dumbass, no, not that! I mean I feel… I don’t know, I just feel a sense of unease. Like, nothing threatening has happened for quite awhile.

“That’s true enough. It’s kind of odd.”

The crystal guard only blinked.

‘Right, because we clearly need some sort of calamity waiting around the corner every day. What, did you find Chrysalis trying to take over the Empire boring? No fun fighting the robots, in seeing the crystal race nearly drained of the will to press on? Need destruction and ruin to get your kicks?’

“Well, to be fair, the bulk of that happened IN the Empire.”

‘You’re both mental!’

>Look, glitterbug, I’m only saying it feels like we’re in the eye of the hurricane right now, like something bad is about to happen. And I don’t like it….

‘You want bad? Go steal one of Two’s marshmallows.’

“…The fact that you would even suggest such a thing makes me wonder about the wellbeing of Equestria as a whole.”

>Seriously. There’s a line, you know, and you just crossed it. This meeting is over.

“Yeah, man, not cool, not cool.”

‘…fuck the both of you.’
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>AJ10
{BBB}
~~~~~

>...Huh.

When she had come down here, to the pleasant village of Neighbore for an interview with their mayor on his new policy of legalizing Changeling's attending schools(which most were sure was just a way to cover up his recent scandal involving the teacher of said school, among about six other ponies. At the same time.), she had expected to see happy ponies, a warm welcome, and possibly some cake. She liked cake. She didn't expect... well, nothing.

She held up a picture. Then lowered it.

Held it up.

Lowered it.

>...Something's off here.

Raised it up.

Lowered it.

>... OH! When'd they move the candy shop over there?

{...ERROR, MENTAL BLOCK DETECTED!}

>No idea what ya' mean, BBB.
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>Batmom
“Dadling”
________

*CRASH!*

As though he'd merely been hiding out of sight the entire time, Dadling flung himself around the corner and into the kitchen.

“Sweetie, what was that sou-”

The sight of his mare on the ground next to a shattered plate and clutching her stomach was nearly enough to knock him comatose. He put the Sonic Rainboom to shame with the speed he used to get to her side, gently helping her up and into a chair at the table.

“Honey? Honey, what’s wrong, what happened? Are you okay? You didn’t cut yourself, did you?”

He was about ready to throw her over his shoulder and streak to the hospital when she lifted a hoof to his lips with a weary smile.

>You’re so cute… when you’re w-worried. But I’m fine, really… j-just a bout of dizziness.

That meager assurance didn’t stop Dadling from taking her temperature, massaging her lower hooves, and nuzzling into her almost frantically.

For her part, Glimmer was rather enjoying the treatment and giggled when, after pecking her nose, he threw on an apron with the promise of preparing her favorite dish. He couldn’t cook worth beans and regularly set fire to a bowl of cereal but just the thought alone was enough to make her happy.

“I… wait… is the flour supposed to go with the ketchup… or the mustard? Do you like hay with your flax seed, hun?”

She managed to somehow find the strength to trot over to him and place a loving kiss on his cheek, causing them to flare up.

“W-what was that for?”

>For caring. Now get your cute chitinous ass out of my kitchen and let me do my thing.

“Yes, ma’am!”
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>Reporter Pony
"Reporter"
~~~~~

>I NEED PICTURES! PICTURES OF SPIDER-PONY!

"Sir, I told you. He's just a unicorn in a costume. You're taking this really far."

>HE'S A MENACE!

"You say that about everybody."

>I'll have that Spider-Pony arrested if it's the last thing I do!

"Don't we have bigger things to worry about?"

>You name me one threat to this fair city bigger than Spider-Pony, and I'll eat my cigar!

*THOOM!*

>...

"..."

*THOOM!*

*THOOM THOOM THOOM!*

*THOOMTHOOMTHOOMTHOOMTHOOM-*

"AHHHHHHHH!"

>SAVE ME SPIDER-PONY!

"AAHHHHHHHHH!"

>AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

>"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

~~~~~~Ten minutes later~~~~~~~

>THIS IS ALL SPIDER-PONY'S FAULT! I'll crush him for this!

"...Better hurry up, she might come back."
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>Worker pony 1
"2"
'3'
~~~~

>You knuckleheads! You wrecked the battering ram!

"Nyeeh, I told ya'! I didn't wanna hurt the ram"

'It ain't actually a ram ya' doofus!'

"Who you callin' a doofus!?'

>I'm callin' BOTH you doofus! How are we supposed ta' knock down this house without a ram!?

"Maybe we could pray ta' Celestia?"

'What good is that gonna do!?'

"Ya' never know!"

>FINE! Oh, Celestia! Please send somethin' ta' knock down this house so that we may put on tha' table, and don't starve cause these KNUCKLEHEADS can't tell the difference between a simile and a word!

"...WHAT THE FU-"

~~~~Minutes later.~~~~

>...

"...Huh."

'...Yep.'

>YOU IDIOTS!

*SMACK! SMACK!*

>THAT WAS THE WRONG HOUSE!
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>Fawntaine
“Pennydrop”
‘Flash’
-Various-
_________

The ground was downright convulsing, violently, and a great looming shadow fell over the so well known warehouse hidden in the forest.

A cigar was slowly lifted up and caught between the lips of Fawntaine. It wasn’t lit and he seriously doubted if he’d have enough time to scratch the match to ignite it. Didn’t stop him from trying, though, even if his forelegs were trembling.

>Blasted fear… I thought I’d left that behind years ago when I started this industry….

He sat comfortably in his chair looking out the floor-to-ceiling window behind his desk. Despite the earthquake throwing all the knickknacks on his desk to the ground, the wire-thin cracks rupturing the glass, and the fact that he couldn’t get a single blessed spark off that match, he was calm. Accepting.

>They say when you live by the business you die by the business.

He chuckled to himself, reaching back to tap the intercom button.

>Penny? Are you there? Have the final preparations been made?

The voice that answered back was the very epitome of ‘scared senseless’.

“SIR! Sir, listen to me, please reconsider this! You can still make it out in time! It doesn’t have to end like this! PLEASE!”

It was a pleasure to know that, despite her constant ribbing and claims to the contrary, Pennydrop really did somewhat value his wellbeing.

>No, I don’t think I’ll be leaving. This business here, this warehouse… it might as well be an extension of me, of my life. When it goes, which I surmise it will in the next five minutes, I would like to go with it. Captain goes down with his ship, after all!

Her horrified gasp through the speaker did very little to staunch his jubilant laughter.

“SIR PLEASE! IT’S COMING! I CAN SEE IT FROM HERE!”

>Hm, is it massive?

“It’s basically a moving mountain!”

>Oh good. That sounds like a quick out for me, then.

Another gasp. And then the sounds of choked sobs.

“Mr. Fawntaine… p-please… don’t do this… W-we still need a boss, we still n-need you!”

Fawntaine still couldn’t get his hooves to stop shaking long enough to get a decent slide off and sucked his teeth.

>Obviously Celestia doesn’t wish for me to partake of one last- Ha! Well alright then!

A fire ignited at the tip of his match and seconds later, Fawntaine exhaled a ring of smoke, one good puff all that was needed to stop his quivering.

>Now Penny, my earlier question, have the preparations been made?

“…yes, sir.”

>There’s a good girl.

A dry sniffle preceded her next words.

“It’s… it’s been an honor serving you, Mr. F-Fawntaine.”

>The sentiment is shared, and I wish you luck wherever your next employment journey takes yo-

The forest suddenly gave a mighty heave, one that set the entire warehouse to shaking and caused the lights to flicker and burst, the tiled floor to crack right underneath his chair, and the intercom to fizzle out with a sense of finality. As a cold darkness layered everything, Fawntaine inhaled, able to see the day he first set up shop here in the woods… and then when Pennydrop first joined his team… and then the others… followed by that bastard Flash….

>Flash…

There was no more hate left in him for that annoying cyborgwhatever pony. Hate seemed irrelevant and downright childish given the circumstance. The last seconds of ones life should be spent dwelling upon much brighter things so when Fawntaine beheld that towering black behemoth moments from crushing all that he’d ever built to dust, he drew in one final puff of his cigar, suddenly overcome with a bout of laughter.

>HAHAHAHA SELL THEM WELL!

~~~~~~
On a hill a few kilometers away, Pennydrop and the rest of the Fawntaine employees watched in horror as the warehouse they all loathed yet had come to call home was reduced to nothing under the enormous hoof of a strolling abomination. What made it worse was that the monster didn’t even appear to notice, or care; it just kept right on stomping onward, unaware of the life it had taken or the jobs lost.

Tears fell silently from Pennydrop’s eyes. A laugh had reached her ears through the wind… his laugh.

“You stubborn bastard….”

-Um… ma’am?-

She turned around to see the workers at her back, some of them regarding her with red-rimmed eyes and some surrounding a cache of wooden crates with solemn looks of determination. The loss of Fawntaine had hit each of them fairly hard but to see that they were still holding onto his last order somehow strengthened her.

-What… what do we do now, ma’am?-

“…We… I’ll tell you what we’re going to do. We’re going to p-press on. Mr. Fawntaine gave us these weapons here to sell so we could make ends meet… but we’re not going to do that….”

-Ma’am?-

Pennydrop approached the boxes, placing her hoof over them with a firm group-wide stare.

“I say we keep going. I… I say we keep the Fawntaine business alive. I say we march on!”

Her voice may have cracked towards the end but that didn’t stop the unified cheer of agreement and raised hooves.

-FAWNTAINE FOREVER!-

~~~~~~

A sudden pain struck Flash in his chainsaw-hoof, right where flesh met machine, and he glanced back over his shoulder towards a direction he knew all too well. He didn’t know how it had happened or even how he knew it had happened, but it had. And then he faced forward, motionless for a few seconds before continuing his walk.

‘Not groovy….’

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>Buffalo
"Dragon"
~~~

>OH GREAT SCALED ON! WE HAVE A REQUEST!

"...Oh, shit, right. You guys are the ones who actually respect us. Um, okay, what did you need?"

>THERE IS A GREAT EVIL TRAVERSING THROUGH OUR LAND, AND WE WISH YOU TO STOP IT!

"...How great are we talking?"

>Bigger than a teepee?

"That's easy! I'll have it done in no-"

~~~~~~~

"-AND RAM YOUR MOTHER WITH THE LONG END OF THE WORLDS LONGEST FUCKING CLAW WHILE I RIP THE JAGGED STONES THROUGH HER ASSHOLE WHERE YOU CLEARLY CAME FROM!"

>...So, it didn't go well?

"MY BLOOD IS ALL OUTSIDE ME!"

>Not well, gotcha. Do you need anything?

"NEW ORGANS!"

>Going to take a bit, we'll see what we can scrounge up.

"EVERYTHING IS PAIN!"

>On the positive side, it probably won't be for long if that's your heart over there. Is that your heart?

"GLURGLE!"

>Glurgle means yes?

"..."

>...Glurgle means yes.
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>PotatoJack
“SS”
______

PJ didn’t look the slightest bit perturbed by the thick bundle of bandages wrapped tight around her skull. She continued to idly nom on her potato, holding it in both hooves while Silver Spoon just gawked at her.

“You realize any other pony would be dead, right?”

>Mpph hrg ghhhn.

“…Okaaaaay, Changeling though you may be, you should still exercise some caution! I know you were practicing and all but you don’t want to end up brain-damaged like Tiara.”

PJ’s cheeks blew out but the potato stifled the laugh.

>Prrrf fgh! Mmmmngh?

“We’re basically sisters, yeah. Except she’s the airheaded, flat-flanked one and I’m the sensible, fat-booty one.”

>Nngh? Mmph mgh?

“56 calls me that and I… no, I don’t mind, I k-kinda like it… But anyway! What’re you nearly flinging yourself over buildings for?”

Taking a second to rub at her bandages, PJ then pulled the spud from her mouth.

>Titans.

“…what?”

>I fight titans. Where I’m from I fought titans. Big, big things.

Spoons fell back onto her rear.

“Why?”

>Because I didn’t want to die.

“Oh, well, that makes sense. Ha… haha… haaaa….”

>So I keep practicing to fight titans.

“I, uh… I understand, but there aren’t any around here. R-right?”

PJ gave the air a little sniff, and her eyes instantly widened to dinner plate proportions. She slowly turned to Spoons who, after catching sight of the Changelings gaunt expression, nearly caught a heart attack. But then PJ’s facial features softened.

>Nope, no titans around here.

“Oh thank Celestia….”

After allowing Spoons to look her over once more, PJ started down the hallway towards the Gun Clubs room.

>No titans around here… yet.

She stuffed the potato back into her mouth, mind focused on getting in more practice.
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"YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE, QUEEN BITCH!"
>Hey... maybe we should try hiding...?
[But that's the opposite of what she keeps saying, Chrysi!]
>Right, Expendable-Jack, but since when are we taking her word for anything? If we COULD hide, that's not exactly information she'd want to share with us, now is it? Maybe we should try it!
[Yeah, worst case scenario we're back to running.]

NON CANON
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>Villager pony
"VP2"
'VP3'
~~~~

>OH GOD DAMN IT!

"I told you this was going to happen!"

>Seriously? WE WERE GONE FOR LIKE TEN MINUTES!

'OH NO! MY FAMILY!'

"Way to focus on the bushes in the forest, sweetie."

>Don't talk to her like that!

"Of course YOU would say that, you're obviously going to be dating her later."

>N-no! We're just friends!

"No yeah, obviously. Okay, go pick up your dad's 'legendary' sword and I'm just going to sit here and pray to Celestia that I'm not the best friend who DIES most of the way in."

>This isn't a game!

'...It kind of feels like one.'

>My adoptive parents are dead!

"Wait, you were adopted?"

>Yeah! My parents found me on their doorstep one morning with a note...

"..."
'...'

>...IT'S NOT LIKE A GAME!

"Is that ancient writing on that sword?"

>...IT'S NOT LIKE A GAME!

'Well, if you keep screeching like that it's only going to be a G rated game.'

"Let's just go kill small animals to get increasingly stronger so we can go fight the giant monster who stomped through our home town in a daring final battle, alright?"

>...Fine. But I better get some BEFORE the final battle, bad enough as it is.

'Ehhh, we'll see how it goes. First just promise me that sword isn't compensating for anything.'

>...You realize I'm a girl, right?

'...So... no?'

>I guess not.

'Good enough for me!'

"Why couldn't I get stuck in a harem game?"
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>SA
"2"
----------
"I drew a picture!"

>Are you going to show me?

"Look! Look!"

>Okay... so that's definitely you, and that's definitely Discord, but what are those grey things?

"Marchmalleys. I couldn't find the white crayon."

>So, what's the picture for?

"Looking at, silly."

>Is Discord your friend? Is that why you drew the picture?

"Everyone is my friend. I give him hugs, and he gives me marchmalleys."

>Okay...

"He makes them do little dances."

>...suddenly everything makes so much more sense.

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>General Store pony.
"Chitania"
~~~~~~

>...Missy, ya' didn't have to rip off tha' top o' mah store, ah' would'a came outside for you.

"I NEED A MAP!"

>Kay, that'll be f-

*Glare*

>reee... it'll be free.

"Okay! Now that I have my map I can finally..."

....

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT ANY OF THESE PLACES ARE!"

>Sorry ta' hear that.

"DAMN YOU, RAVAGES OF TIME! I WILL FIND A WAY TO HURT YOU!"

NON CANON
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>Guard Pony
"Gp2"
'Gp3'
~~~~~~

>God, it's boring.

"No fucking shit, how exciting is it supposed to be in the middle of fuck off nowhere?"

>...Wanna have sex?

"Why do you keep asking that?"

>I'm just booooooored!

*THOOM!*

>...

"... What's that?"

'OPEN THE DOOR!'

*SLAM!*

'GET ON THE FLOOR! EVERYONE RUN, IT'S A DINOSAUR!'

"...So should get on the floor or ru-AHHHH!"

*BOOM BOOM ACKALACKA BOOM!*
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In an Alternate Timeline in which Blueblood's menace continues and many have fallen...

The voices of stallions and mares carry him forward. Shining Armor has no fear now tha the madness of this war is near.
Standing between the sea of ponies and Shining's final purpose is an army of robots commanded by one leader. This was not Blueblood, he had no power in battle. This was his second in command. His figure is shrouded in the shadow of the flying fortress, the sharp features and solid stand made Shining assume it was merely the traitor Flash Sentry.
The robots advance
One by one they will fall. No mercy will be shown. No hesitation. These are machines. They cannot feel pain. They cannot understand what drives Shining Armor onward. The rage is lost on these soldiers. Shining Armor has his target now. The Commander of this army will fall. All the wreckage he must wade through to get there is insignificant.

Send your armies.
There's no mare or machine
who can stop me,
and you'll soon see.
I come for vengeance
for my brother Spike, and I'm ready, and I'm willing, and I'm prepared to...

Send me the best you've got. Send me your strongest machines.
The fight my brother fought, here, now, will end with me.

All you wounded, those of you who can, pick yourselves off the ground,
Hurry back, tell your leader you'll need more men.

Nearing the gate and the leader of the Robot Army, Shining's fury yields to confusion. This Commander is not a pony, much less Sentry.

The shadow, it covers your face but your eyes shine just like mine.
Step forward, step into the light if you're ready, and you're willing, and you're prepared to fight.

So be it, send your armies. There's no man or machine who can stop me, and you'll soon see.
I come for vengeance for my brother, Spike and I'm ready, and I'm willing, and I'm prepared to fight.

Send me the best you've got. Send me your strongest machines.
The fight my brother fought, here, now, will end with me.
Is this the best you've got? Is this your strongest machine?
Now with one powershot, you'll see what vengeance means.

Just before the shot rang out, the blast that would end this battle, the commander stepped out of the shadows and into the light. This was a face our Hero had seen before, in visions and dreams. This was not the face of evil.

This was the face of a Hero.
The face of a Son.
The face of his Brother.

This was The Dragon Spike

NON CANON
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