Mussman Timeline

Pre tha Watch
People start realizing Muss is a fool. For about a year before tha watch Mike, Sven and Cameron watched Melton slowly but surely become a fool. Unbeknownst to them many of the listeners of NLO also picked up on Patrick’s many blunders. There were a lot of events that started to add up that caused Melton to become a fool.

Vlogger fair: Melton raised $1000 dollars to go to vlogger fair. He claimed he would go there and film himself making fun of all the vloggers there. Melton got there and he chickened out, to save face Melton claimed there was a problem with the footage and it got corrupted. Also on this trip Melton claimed that the $1000 that the listeners raised was stolen. Melton said he believed that a listener took the money and he used this to gain sympathy with the listeners so that they would re-donate the money. Melton let the listener who he claimed stole the money off the hook, which is out of character for Melton.

Fritz Microphone incident: Melton and listener/friend DFritz would do shows together often, with Fritz skyping in. Fritz’s microphone was not good enough for the show, so the listeners pitched in and donated money for Fritz to get a better microphone. When Patrick found out about this, he was not happy. Patrick got mad that they would send Fritz money and not him. Melton couldn’t outright say this, so instead he created a kickstarter to make a guacamole. It was supposed to be a joke kickstarter but it was really so Patrick had an excuse to get money.

listener tests: Melton used to do something called listener tests. In his group Melton would announce something, usually unpopular, and then when people took issue with it he would claim it was just a listener test and say anyone who got mad was an out of it dork. Melton would test the waters with what he could get away with, such as going to pay only, and If people got mad at him he could just claim it was all a test.

Patrick goes on Legion of Skanks and he bombs. He needs a giant fan to be brought out so that he can stop sweating. He also gets really drunk and starts to get obnoxious and it’s clear the skanks don’t like him. The episode is received poorly by Legion of Skanks fans and they don’t ever want him back on.

coinsider this: Melton started a second podcast called coinsider this, it was a podcast all about bitcoin. However the Melton on coinsider this was a completely different Melton. This Melton was a charming nice guy which was completely out of character for him.
Unfulfilled NYC move prizes: Melton announced that he was leaving LA and that he was moving to New York. He claimed it was to help grow his comedy and to get better guests. It was really because he got evicted in LA for not paying rent. Melton was going to move in with longtime listener Shooby, who was 13 years younger than him. Melton needed $10,000 for the move, so he created a fundraiser. If you donated a certain amount of money you would get rewards. These included things like Bill Burr calling you, or comedians taking over your twitter for a day and much more. However Patrick never fulfilled these donation promises, so everyone who donated got nothing.

Moving in with shooby: Melton moved in with Shooby because his credit was so bad and he couldn’t rent. Of course he never said this and claimed it would be good for the show. This is really odd since Shooby is much younger than Patrick and was only a listener of the show.


Nelly: Patrick would announce that he would be doing a show. However he never said exactly when the show would start. So listeners would be stuck listening to the pre show, sometimes for hours. If that wasn’t bad enough, Melton would play a lot of bad music during the pre show, a lot of which was Nelly. The listeners complained and as a response Patrick, instead of fixing the problem, started to only play Nelly during the pre show.

Crazy Joe: Patrick was known to borrow heavily from Red Bar. So he started his own fools watch. He found a radio guy named Crazy Joe. However Crazy Joe wasn’t particularly interesting and Patrick’s watches were less than stellar. Sometimes he would just leave Crazy Joe on and leave the podcast to do other things.

Scared of Funches: Melton used to be a tough tell it like it is guy. So one day while Patrick was in Chicago, he went on Red Bar and him and Mike did a lengthy Ron Funches impression. Funches found out about this and as soon as Melton realized that he might get in trouble, he got scared and started to backpedal. This was the opposite of the persona he put out.

Keith and the Girl: Shortly before tha watch, listeners DFritz and Luke Cranberries went into the Keith and the Girl group and started trouble. Naturally the NLO listeners were more than happy to go after Keith and the Girl. However Patrick seemed less than enthused and didn’t want to take any responsibility for the attack. Once again proving Melton was all talk.

Edinburg: Patrick announced that he wanted to go to the Edinburg Fringe festival. A preforming arts festival in Scotland. Melton wanted to go their to elevate his comedy to the next level. He started another fundraiser, this time for $15,000, and claimed that it would also be great for the show. He would do 25 podcasts, have a new hour of standup and that he would have great guests like fire breathers and jugglers. However old NLO was not a show that would ever care about an arts festival, so it was a weird move for Patrick

Butch Bradley: Melton teased that he had something big in the works for weeks. He made multiple mentions of it and plenty of graphics to tease this big event. Naturally the listeners were really excited to see what was going on. The big reveal was extremely disappointing. Melton came on air in a suit and was acting strange. He was very serious and seemed emotional about the whole event. What had happened was that Melton went to Atlantic city to headline Butch Bradley’s comedy hideaway and they never paid him his $1500. Melton was going to get revenge on the club with the help of the listeners. He created a website dedicated to taking down Butch Breadley, hideawaycomedy.com. He also created fake drink tickets for the club. He would distribute the tickets around the city in hopes that people would try and use them to get free drinks at the club, only to get turned down. This of course was retarded. Melton also claimed he had a very talented team of private investigators, graphic designers and general doxxers that would help him take down the club. Patrick set this up to be an exciting event that the listeners would be invested him, and together they would ruin Butch, or get his money. In reality the listeners were extremely disappointed the the event Patrick spent weeks teasing, was just about Patrick not getting paid for a weekend of comedy.

Eventually all of this built up and on an aftershock Sven drunkenly lets out that he hates Melton and thinks he is a fool. Nothing came of this just yet but but people seemed excited that Sven called out Melton.

On the next show Mike reveals he hates Melton and season 1 officially begins

Season 1
Mike does a few hours on Patrick and decides to see what happens next. Surprisingly tha watch is a hit. The NLO listeners had been thinking the same things as Mike, they just never said anything. Now that the secret is out many listeners turn on Patrick and are dying to vent all of their hatred of Melton.

Patrick goes live with a bonus show where he watches Grease. He mentions the watch in a dismissive manner and doesn’t actually address any of the allegations.
On his first real show back Melton is clearly panicked and speed talks through the show. he doesn’t address the watch at all.

Melton refuses to acknowledge the watch but it is clear that his show has taken a big hit.
Patrick successfully, or so he claims, raises the money to get to Edinburg. However Edinburg is a complete disaster and almost everything goes wrong. before the fest starts Patrick tries to bribe the judges with really cheap wine and donuts. He also tries to drum up eyes on his show by creating a hashtag campaign called poster pricks. Putting up posters is very competitive in Edinburg, so Patrick creates poster pricks to try and get people to tag people messing with each others posters. It goes nowhere. When the festival starts Patrick immediately starts to break his promises. He does not do a show every day of the festival like he claimed. Halfway through the fest he had about 8 shows out. He also lied about promising a show every day. Patrick said that there was a lot going on behind the scenes that prevented the shows, and that many episodes got deleted. He also got angry with people who questioned him about the lack of shows.  Patrick did eventually put out the shows, however in reality he recorded a bunch of throwaway shows right at the end of the fest and they came out long after the fest ended. Patrick also claims he gets sold out shows, this was of course not true. Patrick gave out a bunch of free tickets the first few days of his show and so people showed up. However Patrick ended up walking half the crowd. Once Patrick stops giving out free tickets, he averages 10-15 people. He also still has walk outs for those shows. It also turns out that Patrick did not right a new hour of material like he claimed. He wrote 1 new joke and the rest of his jokes are years old. As a result Patrick gets multiple 2 star reviews. This really hurt Patrick because it was the one rating he did not want to get, he claimed he would be happy with any other rating. He frequently brought up his reviews during the rest of the fest. There were also plenty of smaller moments of the fest that showed how bad Patrick was. He frequently got mad at the fans that came out to the fest to support him and he treated them like shit. He got strep throat, he stole opened beers and bragged about it, he slipped in piss and vomit and broke his ribs when he was drunkenly thrown out of a bar. It was a complete failure and he still has not put out the standup album like he promised he would.

Router donation: Patrick put out a post in his group claiming that he was about to do a show when his cable provider came by and repossessed his modem. He would need the listeners to donate $100 to replace the modem. He did not get the money and didn’t do a show for days. When accused of scamming his listeners, Patrick claimed that no one came to get the modem and it was all lies. He also said why would he buy a new modem when he could get listeners to do it for him.

Patrick did a PM in the AM where he took calls. Naturally only Red Bar listeners called in to troll and hurl accusations at him. He claimed that no one knew what they were talking about and it was all lies.

Mike does a show where he starts to cover the previous PM in the Am where Patrick took calls. At the same time Patrick goes live and finds out he is being covered. It’s clear Patrick has been drinking, which finally gives him the courage to start fighting back. For the first time in a year Patrick fights back against tha watch. He claims that everything that has been said about him is a lie. He also claims that everything Mike and the fans accused him of that Mike was guilty of. He claims that he is back and he is going to take down Mike. Season 2 officially begins.

Season 2
Patrick goes live and he does his very own watch which he calls bar watch. However it is clear that this is a low rent version of tha watch. The animation he has of Mike is clearly something he bought on fiverr because it only kind of looks like Mike. Also he doesn’t have any actual substance by his allegations. Most importantly Patrick had a guest on during the bar watch. It was an old cohost, Nick Starr. Unbeknownst to Nick, Patrick had slashed Nick’s tires years ago and lied to Nick about it. People started to tweet to Nick about this and Patrick had to admit that he had lied to him for years. Nick was already not to invested in Bar Watch and when Patrick said that all of the accusations against him were lies, Nick replied “yeah but you lied to me about slashing my tires.” Patrick was clearly shook by this not going well and stopped the Bar Watch early. Months later Nick wrote a blog post saying that Patrick was a piece of shit and he was done with him.

Patrick did one more Bar Watch and then he never did one again. His comeback stopped and he never attempted it again.

Eventually Shooby reveals that he is moving because he got a job at Uber in LA. This calls into question where Patrick is going to live. He moved in with Shooby because his credit was so bad that he couldn’t get an apartment. Season 3 begins

Season 3
Patrick has his 13th anniversary of NLO. He reveals he thought he would have much more success and that he is just doing the show out of obligation.

Patrick starts to grow blades. His beard is greasy and unkempt, it protrudes wildly in all directions and it grows back in a matter of days. He gains back a lot of weight and one of his eyes starts to grow lazy. He is slowly becoming less human.


Patrick decides that he is going back to Edinburg. However he is not going to be preforming at the fest. He is going on a 4 month European vacation to edinburg and to Oktoberfest. Patrick says that listeners should use their vacation to go to with him. However this is odd since he is not preforming this time and is basically asking fans to go on vacation with him. Patrick also gets strep throat again. He also claims that the lack of shows is because there is a lot going on behind the scenes, even though he is not preforming at the festival. He meets three women named Veronica, Reggie and Anna. Nothing is known about these girls other than they are some of the best. While overseas Patrick goes on a radio show under false pretenses. before leaving for Europe, Patrick was a guest on a show on Neil DeGrass Tyson’s network. However Patrick claims he was on Neil DeGrass Tyson’s show. The host is clearly on under the assumption Patrick did a show with Tyson, Patrick does not correct him.

After Patrick gets back to the U.S the vegas shooting happens. Out of nowhere Patrick checks himself in, on Facebook, as safe from the shooting. No one even knew Patrick was in vegas and it is clear Patrick used this tragedy to get sympathy. It also is revealed that the reason Patrick is in vegas is because he moved there immediately after his vacation. He didn’t tell anyone, he just moved in a matter of days.


Season 4
Patrick has moved to vegas and is trying to reclaim any fans he can. He recreates his old LA studio and he makes a bunch of promises. He claims there will be merch again, that the edinburg album is coming out etc. Most importantly Patricks says that he is going to go on tour overseas in africa and the middle east for the troops.

It is revealed that Patrick is not going on tour in the middle east. He actually joined a murder mystery karaoke dance troupe. Patrick is slowly trying to leave standup and become a performer. He revealed on a show that he has reached the limits of his standup and that he wants to try something else. He is thinking about taking a show to Edinburg where he just acts silly. He wants to wear his shoes on the wrong feet, throw glitter at people and other “whimsical” things. The murder mystery tour is just Patricks first attempt at this new life. However he has to lie and misdirect because he realizes how fucking gay it is.