Soul Music - Controls Corpses

'What's been happening here?' said Albert.

His tone was so authoritative that the sergeant found himself saluting. 'We were attacked by Dregs, sir,' he said, swaying slightly. 'Hundreds of them! They outnumbered us . . . er . . . what's the number after nine? Got a one in it.'

'Ten.'

'Ten to one, sir.'

'I see you survived, though,' said Albert.

'Ah,' said the sergeant. 'Yes. Er. Yes. That's where it all gets a bit complicated, in fact. Er. Corporal? That's you. No, you just next to him. The one with the two stripes?'

'Me?' said a small fat soldier. 'Yes. Tell him what happened.'

'Oh. Right. Er. Well, the bastards had shot us full of arrows, right? An' it looked like it was all up with us. Then someone suggested sticking bodies up on the battlements with their spears and crossbows and everything so's the bastards'd think we was still up to strength-'

'It's not an original idea, mind you,' said the sergeant. 'Been done dozens of times.'

'Yeah,' said the corporal awkwardly. 'That's what they must've thought. And then . . . and then . . . when they was galloping down the sand-dunes . . . when they was almost on us, laughing and everything, saying stuff like “that old trick again” . . . someone shouted “Fire!” and they did.'

'The dead men-?'

'I joined the Legion to . . . er . . . you know, with your mind . . .' the corporal began.

'Forget?' said Albert.

'That's right. Forget. And I've been getting good at it. But I'm not going to forget my old mate Nudger Malik stuck full of arrows and still giving the enemy what for,' said the corporal. 'Not for a long time. I'm going to give it a try, mind you.'

Albert looked up at the battlements. They were empty. 'Someone formed 'em up in formation and they all marched out, afterwards,' said the corporal. 'And I went out to look just now and there was just graves. They must have dug them for one another . . .'

'Tell me,' said Albert, 'who is this “someone” to whom you keep referring?'

The soldiers looked at one another. 'We've just been talking about that,' said the sergeant. 'We've been trying to remember. He was in . . . the Pit . . . when it started . . .'

'Tall, was he?' said Albert.

'Could have been tall, could have been tall,' nodded the corporal. 'He had a tall voice, certainly.' He looked puzzled at the words coming out of his own mouth.

'What did he look like?'

'Well, he had a . . . with . . . and he was about . . . more or less a . . .'

'Did he look . . . loud and deep?' said Albert.

The corporal grinned with relief. 'That's him,' he said. 'Private . . . Private . . . Beau . . . Beau . . . can't quite remember his name . . .'

'I know that when he walked out of the . . .' the sergeant began, and began to snap his fingers irritably, '. . . thing you open and shut. Made of wood. Hinges and bolts on it. Thank you. Gate. That's right . . . gate. When he went out of the gate he said . . . what was it he said, corporal?'

'He said, “EVERY LAST DETAIL”, Sir.'

Albert looked around the fort. 'So he's gone.'

'Who?'

'The man you were just telling me about.'

'Oh. Yes. Er. Have you any idea who he was, offendi? I mean, it was amazing . . . talk about morale . . .'

'Esprit de corpse?' said Albert, who could be nasty at times. 'I suppose he didn't say where he was going next?'

'Where who was going next?' said the sergeant, wrinkling his forehead in honest enquiry.

'Forget I asked,' said Albert. He took a last look round the little fort. It probably didn't matter much in the history of the world whether it survived or not, whether the dotted line on the map went one way or the other. Just like the Master to tinker with things . . .

Sometimes he tries to be human, too, he thought. And he makes a pig's ear out of it.

***

Soul Music - p200-202