Bjork and Yorke Rom-Com 3: Part One

>Thom and Bjork sit next to each other in a plane. Thom is leaning over Bjork to get a good look out of the window.
>Bjork, sighing
"The ocean looked the same as it did five minutes ago Thom."
>Thom, getting sitting back into his own seat
"Sorry, I'm just really excited. Visiting my wife's homeland for the first time! I've dreamed about this, y'know, even before we were married."
>Bjork
"Yes, I know Thom, I've read your diary."
>Thom, looking to her suddenly
"What?!"
>Bjork
"And besides, I had lived there my whole life before I left for school, so I'm not particularly excited to be coming back so soon."
>Thom
"My diary?! How the hell did you find it?"
>Bjork
"But I suppose I should lighten up. It'll be fun to show you all the places I hung out as a kid, and introduce you to my old friends. I'm sure they'll love you."
>Thom
"How long has this been going on?!"
>Thom suddenly gets a look of horror on his face. He lowers his voice.
"Wait, did you read the part about the threesome with Sailor Mo-"
>Thom is cut off by a flight attendant
"Could I interest either one of you in a drink?"
>Bjork
"Yes please."
>Thom sits with an angered expression as Bjork orders drinks for the both of them.
>As the flight attendant leaves, Thom turns again to Bjork
"We are not through talking about this!"
>Bjork, gleefully sips her beverage

>Bjork, as she and Thom get into a taxi leading from the airport to their hotel
"What do you mean? Why would I let you see it?"
>Thom
"It's only fair! You read mine, so I should be able to read yours!"
>Bjork
"A woman's diary is a sacred thing, Thom. It's not all sexual fantasies and dreams like yours! And how do you even know I have a diary?"
>Thom, having been caught off guard
"Well...uh...I got a hold of it some months ago, purely by mistake of course."
>Bjork
"Hey! You were the student that the professor said had found my diary in class!! You never told me?!"
>Thom
"Well, yeah, but y'know..."
>Bjork, angrily crosses her arms
"So we're even then!"
>Thom
"Like bloody hell we are! It was all in Icelandic! I couldn't understand a damn thing!"
>Bjork sticks her tongue out and then turns away making a very audible and purposeful 'hmph!' sound
>Thom similarly turns away to look out the window on his side
>The taxi driver, feeling very uncomfortable
"So, uhh, nice weather today, huh?"

>At the hotel
>Thom and Bjork, having gotten over their argument very quickly like they always manage to do, walk into their room and drop their bags to the floor
>Thom
"Are you sure you want to stay at a hotel? It's not too late to change your mind."
>Bjork walks over to draw open the curtains
"I like the privacy. Now c'mon, let's leave the unpacking for tonight. I want to introduce you to my friends!"

>Bjork and Thom walk into a local Tavern. Thom holds onto Bjork's hand tightly as they walk, feeling nervous
>Bjork
"My friends tended to hang around here quite often, I'm sure we'll bump into a fe-"
>Suddenly a voice is heard calling from across the room
"Bjork?! Bjork! Over here!"
>A man comes running over
>Bjork
"Thor?!"
>Thor, wrapping his arms tightly around Bjork
"Bjork! Oh man, why didn't you tell us you were getting back?!"
>Bjork, laughing as she pulls back
"I wanted to surprise you!"
>Thor
"Well I'm surprised!"
>Thor, looking over to Thom
"And this is Thom? The guy you were telling us about in that letter?"
>Bjork
"Yeah! Thor meet Thom, my husband. Thom meet Thor, my good friend. We dated for awhile."
>Thor extends a hand towards Thom
"Nice to meet you!"
>Thom grabs his hand and tries not to wince at the tight squeezing
"Yeah, nice to meet you too."
>Thor
"Now that you're in here, let's have a drink! You know Thom, Bjork was known to really kick back her liquor when we were younger! What about you Thom, like to drink?"
>Thom
"Well, a little wine here and there is nic-"
>Thor
"We should really get hammered today, to celebrate you coming back!"
>Bjork
"Oh no, Thor, Thom really isn't that much of a drinker."
>Thom
"No no, sounds fun! Let's go!"
>Bjork shoots Thom a look that he ignores as Thor leads him happily along

>Several hours later
>Thom, completely wasted
"And I fockin' went up ta this fucka, and I said, 'look here mate! you get you fockin' hands of my fockin' woman or you'll be deader than Queen fockin' Victoria!'"
>The crowd that's formed around their table all laughs
>One man asks
"And then? What happened?"
>Thom, taking a swig
"I'll fockin' tell ya! That bastard didn't let up! So I did what any man would do yeah? I fockin' gave him a grand tour of my right hook! He raised a white flag faster than the fockin' French would! HA HA HA!"
>The men all laugh and drink
>Bjork
"Well actually, Thom fell down and I had to take this rock and-"
>Bjork's voice is drowned out by the rowdy laughs of the men, much to her annoyance
>Thom
"Barkeep! Another round for me, my lady here, and my brothers!"
>The men all cheer
>Thor moves closer to Bjork to talk over the raucous laughter
"This is great! You never told us he was this fun!"
>Bjork
"Well, he's usually not this drunk."
>Just then a very large man with an eye-patch walks by their table and pushes into Thom trying to get through the crowd
>Thom turns around to look at him
"Oi mate, best watch where you walk, yeah?"
>The man
"Shut the fuck up."
>The man tries to walk away but is stopped as Thom gets out of his seat
"Hey mate, you got a problem?"
>The man
"Look, I need to go, just get the fuck out of my way, or I'll make you."
>Thom lets out a loud laugh and looks to the men at the table who laugh along
"Ya hear that boys?! This chap here thinks he can take me out! Maybe I should teach him a thing or two, eh?"
>The men cheer and laugh as they encourage Thom to fight
>Bjork
"Thom what the fuck do you think you're doing?!"
>Thom
"Now you just rest easy doll, Thom'll take care this fockin' clown!"
>The men all cheer as Thom raises his fists

>The following morning Thom wakes up in the hotel bed with an awful headache
>Bjork, noticing he's awake, walks over with a cup of coffee
"Finally up, huh?"
>Thom
"What the hell happened last night?"
>Bjork
"You got knocked the fuck out, you idiot, that's what happened."
>Thom, sitting up and taking hold of the cup
"Thanks. Was I very drunk? I don't remember a damn thing."
>Bjork, sitting down on the bed with her own coffee
"Never been drunker. You went on for quite a while about 'taking back the colonies' and all that."
>Thom
"Sorry, I tend to get aggressively British when I'm really wasted. Who knocked me out anyhow?"
>Bjork
"Just some man you bumped into. Don't worry, Thor and his friends took care of him. They really seem to like you."
>Thom
"Well, that's one good thing that came out of that."
>Bjork, getting up
"Now hurry up and get ready. We've got lots to do today!"

>After spending the day nervously meeting with Bjork's relatives, feasting on local delicacies, and sightseeing, Bjork and Thom walk back into their hotel room holding their numerous shopping bags, and feeling very tired
>Thom
"...really, it's nothing. I just bought them cause they looked nice, okay?"
>Bjork, setting down the shopping bags, looks to Thom with an amused expression
"You bought those schoolgirl uniforms because you thought they looked nice? And they just happened to be my size?"
>Thom
"You're reading too far into this, just forg-"
>Suddenly Thom notices the empty wine glasses and a bottle sitting on the table
"That wasn't there when we left, was it?"
>Bjork hears a clatter from the room behind her and spins around
"Thom! Someone's here!"
>Thom rushes to Bjork's side, and with a trembling voice calls out
"Wh-whoever's there, come out! I-I've got a gun, and I'm not afraid to use it!"
>A familiar voice calls back to them
"Now that's something I'd like to see."
>Thom and Bjork watch with shock as the man walks out of the room
>Bjork
"Professor?!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Hello children, how goes the vacation?"
>Thom
"Sir, what are you doing in our room?! What the hell are you doing in Iceland??!"
>Prof. Bowie, holding up a tattered book
"Just a bit of light reading."
>Thom
"Is that my fucking diary??!!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Very interesting stuff you got here, Mr. Yorke. You must allow me to make a copy of it sometime."
>Thom, as he rushes forward to grab the diary from Prof. Bowie's hands
"What the fuck! Give me that!"
>Bjork
"Professor, how did you get in? And what for?"
>Thom, as he rifles through the papers of his diary to make sure all is intact
"Great, that's two fucking people that got to read it now! Fucking brilliant!"
>Prof. Bowie, ignoring Thom, addresses Bjork's questions
"I apologize sincerely for this intrusion, I do hope you can forgive me. But, as it was, I had no choice. Greater powers were at work."
>Thom
"Did those powers make you read this too?!"
>Thom is again ignored
>Prof. Bowie
"You see children, after that whole...incident with the Martin family head, I had no choice but to make my position known to my former employers. And through some nefarious tactics that our dear government has honed well over the years, I was forced back into the field, on one final mission."
>Bjork
"This sounds very serious Professor! Is that why you're here?"
>Prof. Bowie
"I'm afraid so, Bjork. I'm here to hunt down another villain, one more dangerous than our last enemy. I don't have all the details, but as I understand it, he is currently believed to be stationed here in Iceland. Due to our lack of safehouses here, we had no choice but to make this hotel room our base of operations. It is the only place we could be sure would be secure."
>Thom
"We? What do you mean we?"
>Prof. Bowie
"I mean me, and that gentleman over there."
>Prof. Bowie gestures towards the opposite corner of the room, where Thom and Bjork see a man in a faded leather jacket leaning against the wall. He walks up to them and with a warm smile extends a hand which they both shake. The man speaks in a gruff voice.
"Hey, how you kids doin'. We're real sorry we had to barge in like this, but hey, can't argue with the brass."
>Prof. Bowie
"This is my old partner, Mr. Pop."
>The man smiles
"Call me Iggy, please."
"Alright, Iggy, sir, are we just expected to leave here cause you two have to go man hunting for some supervillian?"
>Prof. Bowie, as he looks through the contents of Thom and Bjork's shopping bags in a carefree manner
"Of course not Thom. You two can go ahead and continue to enjoy your vacation, eat, drink, and..."
>Prof. Bowie pulls out the schoolgirl outfits from one of the bags and looks over at Thom with a grin
"...and do whatever it is that kids these days like to do in their free time."
>Iggy slaps Thom on the back
"Schoolgirl fetish huh? Good taste."
>Thom's face goes red as she quickly moves to grab the clothes from the professor's hands and stuffs them back into the bag
"Th-the cashier mixed up our order! It-it's not mine!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Your diary would disagree."
>Bjork
"Yes, he's got a very lengthy chapter about that, doesn't he?"
>Iggy
"You gotta let me read it sometime."
>Thom
"Alright! Fucking hell, no more talking about that!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Anyhow, me and my associate will only be here until we can secure a place of our own. I don't suspect that will take too long."
>Bjork
"We don't mind you staying at all! Thom and I appreciate the company. Now, it's getting quite late, Thom, we ought to get ready for bed."
>After some complicated sleeping arrangements, night falls over the town.