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- 1
- 00:00:48,003 --> 00:00:52,199
- Subtitle by *-* NaShWaN AL-YeMeN 2018 *-*
- treestand_2002@yahoo.co.uk
- 2
- 00:00:52,201 --> 00:00:54,498
- <i>Why wouldn't we
- bring up the first amendment?</i>
- 3
- 00:00:54,500 --> 00:00:57,764
- <i>We have to stick to the constitution.
- That is what made this country.</i>
- 4
- 00:01:25,834 --> 00:01:27,167
- Don't die.
- 5
- 00:01:29,766 --> 00:01:31,666
- Come on, photosynthesis.
- 6
- 00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:18,065
- - That's a nice dress.
- - Oh. Thank you.
- 7
- 00:02:18,067 --> 00:02:20,134
- - I like your jacket.
- - Thanks.
- 8
- 00:02:22,500 --> 00:02:26,165
- - I hope our flight's on time.
- - Oh, it is. See?
- 9
- 00:02:26,167 --> 00:02:30,032
- This airline has an excellent
- arrival-departure record.
- 10
- 00:02:30,034 --> 00:02:31,932
- Um, I Googled it.
- 11
- 00:02:31,934 --> 00:02:34,832
- And, um, it has a 98...
- 12
- 00:02:34,834 --> 00:02:37,132
- No 96,
- no 98 percent approval...
- 13
- 00:02:37,134 --> 00:02:39,597
- online user
- approval rating.
- 14
- 00:02:39,599 --> 00:02:42,099
- Which is very incredibly
- high, obviously.
- 15
- 00:02:42,101 --> 00:02:45,732
- Um, and Rancho Cucamonga
- Mary sent me three,
- 16
- 00:02:45,734 --> 00:02:49,633
- who I trust implicitly,
- was very effusive about it.
- 17
- 00:02:52,034 --> 00:02:53,901
- - Yeah.
- - And you get a snack.
- 18
- 00:02:54,901 --> 00:02:56,530
- Great.
- 19
- 00:02:57,934 --> 00:02:59,899
- - I'm sorry, what was that?
- - What?
- 20
- 00:02:59,901 --> 00:03:01,530
- You just took
- a step forward there.
- 21
- 00:03:01,532 --> 00:03:03,932
- - I didn't.
- - Yeah, you did. You know you did.
- 22
- 00:03:03,934 --> 00:03:05,832
- - I didn't realize.
- - Oh, I see.
- 23
- 00:03:05,834 --> 00:03:07,631
- I beg your pardon?
- 24
- 00:03:07,633 --> 00:03:11,798
- - I s-see what you did. I know what you did. It's...
- - What did I do?
- 25
- 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:17,465
- You came up alongside me, you know, with
- your jacket and your face and charm,
- 26
- 00:03:17,467 --> 00:03:21,232
- and you just, you know, talked to
- me for a strategic amount of time,
- 27
- 00:03:21,234 --> 00:03:22,932
- established your position,
- 28
- 00:03:22,934 --> 00:03:26,798
- and then just casually, blatantly
- stepped in front of me.
- 29
- 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:28,631
- Like I had
- some sort of amnesia
- 30
- 00:03:28,633 --> 00:03:31,132
- and couldn't remember 15 seconds in
- the past when you were behind me.
- 31
- 00:03:31,134 --> 00:03:33,631
- Untrue.
- 32
- 00:03:33,633 --> 00:03:35,832
- Oh my... You just
- did it again.
- 33
- 00:03:35,834 --> 00:03:39,065
- This is like watching a
- master at work in his dojo.
- 34
- 00:03:39,067 --> 00:03:40,965
- - I mean...
- - Here's what happened.
- 35
- 00:03:40,967 --> 00:03:43,765
- I came to my gate, hoping
- my flight was on time.
- 36
- 00:03:43,767 --> 00:03:45,832
- I then attempted to start
- a pleasant conversation,
- 37
- 00:03:45,834 --> 00:03:48,765
- whereupon you revealed the tip of
- the iceberg of your tendencies,
- 38
- 00:03:48,767 --> 00:03:51,698
- and I was forced to take a step
- forward to escape the vortex.
- 39
- 00:03:51,700 --> 00:03:54,932
- Oh, my God.
- Oh... Again! Oh!
- 40
- 00:03:54,934 --> 00:03:58,232
- And now you're casting me as the author
- of a Byzantine conspiracy theory
- 41
- 00:03:58,234 --> 00:04:00,597
- of a Machiavellian land grab
- 42
- 00:04:00,599 --> 00:04:04,099
- designed to usurp your position on
- an aircraft that has eight seats.
- 43
- 00:04:04,101 --> 00:04:06,099
- You know what? Okay.
- 44
- 00:04:06,101 --> 00:04:10,232
- That's cra... If I'm wrong, just step in
- back of me instead of in front of me.
- 45
- 00:04:10,234 --> 00:04:12,631
- No, because that would mean
- going past you again.
- 46
- 00:04:12,633 --> 00:04:15,631
- I see. You know what?
- 47
- 00:04:15,633 --> 00:04:19,999
- Five years ago, I would have said
- something trite like, "Chivalry is dead."
- 48
- 00:04:20,001 --> 00:04:22,099
- But this is worse
- than unchivalrous.
- 49
- 00:04:22,101 --> 00:04:25,965
- This is... You are
- part and parcel of a world
- 50
- 00:04:25,967 --> 00:04:28,999
- that no longer has any
- idea how to behave itself.
- 51
- 00:04:29,001 --> 00:04:32,597
- In fact, I draw a straight
- line between people like you
- 52
- 00:04:32,599 --> 00:04:36,464
- to investment bankers to
- politicians to terrorists.
- 53
- 00:04:36,466 --> 00:04:41,132
- You basically all have the same contempt
- for decency and rules and any manners.
- 54
- 00:04:41,134 --> 00:04:44,765
- And what's funny is there's
- no way you can board first
- 55
- 00:04:44,767 --> 00:04:47,132
- because the only way you could board
- first is if you had a special need.
- 56
- 00:04:47,134 --> 00:04:48,932
- Do you have
- a special need?
- 57
- 00:04:48,934 --> 00:04:52,065
- Yes, I need
- to be over there.
- 58
- 00:05:01,967 --> 00:05:03,634
- Fucker.
- 59
- 00:05:30,934 --> 00:05:32,734
- - Fantastic.
- - Wonderful.
- 60
- 00:05:34,466 --> 00:05:37,165
- - Anybody want to trade seats?
- - You're ridiculous.
- 61
- 00:05:37,167 --> 00:05:39,765
- Anybody?
- It's great back here.
- 62
- 00:05:39,767 --> 00:05:42,134
- You've got
- to be kidding me.
- 63
- 00:05:46,634 --> 00:05:47,734
- Jesus.
- 64
- 00:05:57,667 --> 00:05:59,399
- What brings you
- to San Luis Obispo?
- 65
- 00:06:00,466 --> 00:06:02,132
- - You don't have to.
- - What?
- 66
- 00:06:02,134 --> 00:06:05,798
- Talk. Honestly, I'd be
- happier if you didn't.
- 67
- 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:06,867
- Fine.
- 68
- 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:29,099
- Dear God.
- Tear it at the notch.
- 69
- 00:06:29,101 --> 00:06:31,464
- There is no notch.
- 70
- 00:06:31,466 --> 00:06:33,232
- - Give it to me.
- - I'm not giving you...
- 71
- 00:06:33,234 --> 00:06:34,234
- Give it to me.
- 72
- 00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:52,134
- This one does not appear
- to have a working notch.
- 73
- 00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:00,001
- Yeah.
- 74
- 00:07:01,067 --> 00:07:02,134
- Yeah.
- 75
- 00:07:10,101 --> 00:07:11,667
- All that...
- 76
- 00:07:15,667 --> 00:07:16,834
- Thank you.
- 77
- 00:07:38,634 --> 00:07:40,634
- I'm actually
- going to Paso Robles.
- 78
- 00:07:41,767 --> 00:07:43,865
- They call it Paso "Roables."
- 79
- 00:07:43,867 --> 00:07:46,231
- Well, the correct
- pronunciation is Robles.
- 80
- 00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:48,498
- But they call it "Roables."
- 81
- 00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:50,099
- - Whatever.
- - I hope it's a big place.
- 82
- 00:07:50,101 --> 00:07:51,832
- It isn't.
- 83
- 00:07:51,834 --> 00:07:54,531
- If I see you at a restaurant,
- I'll go to another restaurant.
- 84
- 00:07:54,533 --> 00:07:56,598
- I'm not going to be
- in any restaurants.
- 85
- 00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:59,965
- Why? Are you checking
- into a mental institution?
- 86
- 00:07:59,967 --> 00:08:04,634
- I'm going to that most presumptuous
- of all things, a destination wedding.
- 87
- 00:08:06,533 --> 00:08:08,667
- Please don't tell me
- it's Keith and Anne's.
- 88
- 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:13,032
- How many weddings
- can there possibly be
- 89
- 00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:15,231
- on any given day
- in Paso Robles?
- 90
- 00:08:15,233 --> 00:08:17,132
- I was praying for two.
- 91
- 00:08:17,134 --> 00:08:19,798
- And I was blaming Satan
- for my seat assignment
- 92
- 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,498
- when it was actually
- just Keith's assistant.
- 93
- 00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:24,632
- And how do you know
- the esteemed Keith?
- 94
- 00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:26,899
- I was engaged to him
- six years ago.
- 95
- 00:08:26,901 --> 00:08:29,665
- - Oh, my God, you're Lindsay.
- - Why, how do you know him?
- 96
- 00:08:29,667 --> 00:08:31,498
- He and I have
- the same mother.
- 97
- 00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:33,001
- Holy shit,
- you're Frank?
- 98
- 00:08:34,567 --> 00:08:36,965
- Oh, you're even worse
- than he said.
- 99
- 00:08:36,967 --> 00:08:38,632
- You too.
- 100
- 00:08:47,901 --> 00:08:50,498
- Oh, my God.
- 101
- 00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:52,001
- Serious...
- 102
- 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:22,164
- - There was supposed to be a car.
- - Our flight was early.
- 103
- 00:09:22,166 --> 00:09:23,899
- Really?
- It seemed so long.
- 104
- 00:09:23,901 --> 00:09:27,498
- <i>Attention, passengers,
- increased security measures</i>
- 105
- 00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:29,665
- <i>require all passengers
- to maintain</i>
- 106
- 00:09:29,667 --> 00:09:32,899
- <i>close personal contact
- with your bags at all times.</i>
- 107
- 00:09:41,634 --> 00:09:44,598
- So how much do you know about what
- happened between me and Keith?
- 108
- 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:47,198
- I know that he broke off your engagement
- five weeks before the wedding.
- 109
- 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:48,798
- And now I know why.
- 110
- 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:50,765
- He said some shit
- about you, boy.
- 111
- 00:09:50,767 --> 00:09:52,965
- - Like what?
- - Doesn't matter.
- 112
- 00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:56,198
- Don't do that, don't dangle an injurious
- tidbit and then snatch it away.
- 113
- 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:58,632
- Or what, I'll die alone?
- 114
- 00:09:58,634 --> 00:10:00,565
- Keith is a panhandling
- piece of garbage,
- 115
- 00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:01,965
- and you're better off
- without him.
- 116
- 00:10:01,967 --> 00:10:05,032
- Which is saying something,
- considering how bad off you are.
- 117
- 00:10:05,034 --> 00:10:07,598
- Just pity the bride,
- whoever she is.
- 118
- 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:10,732
- - You haven't met her?
- - Just like I never met you.
- 119
- 00:10:10,734 --> 00:10:13,531
- I stay as far away
- from Keith as I can.
- 120
- 00:10:13,533 --> 00:10:16,999
- My mother insisted I turn up for this shit show,
- otherwise, I wouldn't be meeting you now.
- 121
- 00:10:17,001 --> 00:10:19,465
- Isn't that nice
- to think about?
- 122
- 00:10:19,467 --> 00:10:21,665
- She said it's important to show
- up because if you show up,
- 123
- 00:10:21,667 --> 00:10:24,032
- the worst they can say is you're
- horrendous, which is subjective.
- 124
- 00:10:24,034 --> 00:10:26,498
- But not showing up
- is objective.
- 125
- 00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:27,867
- Well, you showed up.
- 126
- 00:10:29,001 --> 00:10:30,665
- Why would you come
- to his wedding?
- 127
- 00:10:30,667 --> 00:10:32,198
- He broke your heart,
- as I recall.
- 128
- 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,131
- Shattered, yes.
- 129
- 00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:35,798
- Didn't you wind up
- suing him?
- 130
- 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:37,965
- Well, I needed to lash out.
- 131
- 00:10:37,967 --> 00:10:41,565
- Plus he cost my parents
- $32,000 in deposits.
- 132
- 00:10:41,567 --> 00:10:43,198
- - Did you win?
- - There was a settlement.
- 133
- 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:44,899
- Did you feel better?
- 134
- 00:10:44,901 --> 00:10:47,999
- Look, I came
- because he invited me.
- 135
- 00:10:48,001 --> 00:10:50,798
- He only invited you because he
- wanted to act like a big person,
- 136
- 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:53,832
- not because he, in any way,
- wanted you to come.
- 137
- 00:10:53,834 --> 00:10:58,732
- You think I wanted to come? I'm
- just trying to be the big person.
- 138
- 00:10:58,734 --> 00:11:01,867
- See, this only works if one of
- you actually is a big person.
- 139
- 00:11:03,001 --> 00:11:05,698
- Well, also, I need closure.
- 140
- 00:11:05,700 --> 00:11:08,698
- You don't have closure?
- It was six years ago.
- 141
- 00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:11,665
- Do I strike you as someone
- who has closure?
- 142
- 00:11:11,667 --> 00:11:14,064
- He's marrying someone else.
- That's closure.
- 143
- 00:11:14,066 --> 00:11:15,498
- It's closed.
- 144
- 00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:18,665
- Closed is not
- the same thing as closure.
- 145
- 00:11:28,867 --> 00:11:30,734
- Any chance
- they sent two cars?
- 146
- 00:12:00,734 --> 00:12:02,732
- So, what do you do, Frank?
- 147
- 00:12:02,734 --> 00:12:06,064
- That is, when you're not shining
- your light upon the world.
- 148
- 00:12:06,066 --> 00:12:08,498
- I run marketing
- for J.D. Power and Associates.
- 149
- 00:12:08,500 --> 00:12:10,199
- The "Car of the Year" people?
- 150
- 00:12:10,201 --> 00:12:11,998
- No, that's a magazine.
- 151
- 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,165
- I bought one of your cars of the year.
- It was a piece of crap.
- 152
- 00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:16,632
- Again, a magazine.
- Common error.
- 153
- 00:12:16,634 --> 00:12:18,199
- Is that the career
- you dreamed of?
- 154
- 00:12:18,201 --> 00:12:20,865
- Handing out awards
- by the fistful?
- 155
- 00:12:20,867 --> 00:12:23,798
- Hugely successful company,
- extremely well-respected.
- 156
- 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:27,498
- It's corporate brownnosing
- on a national scale.
- 157
- 00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:29,765
- International.
- And don't sleep on awards.
- 158
- 00:12:29,767 --> 00:12:31,832
- Our country lives
- on self-congratulation.
- 159
- 00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:32,964
- Let me ask you this.
- 160
- 00:12:32,966 --> 00:12:34,832
- Has there ever been a car
- 161
- 00:12:34,834 --> 00:12:37,798
- that wasn't a J.D. Power
- and Associates Car of the Year?
- 162
- 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,165
- We don't do "Car of the
- Year." That's a magazine.
- 163
- 00:12:40,167 --> 00:12:41,998
- I've seen those
- Lucite trophies.
- 164
- 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,767
- They're on every car commercial
- for every car, ever.
- 165
- 00:12:48,867 --> 00:12:51,232
- What do you do anyway?
- 166
- 00:12:51,234 --> 00:12:54,232
- I prosecute companies
- and institutions
- 167
- 00:12:54,234 --> 00:12:56,867
- for culturally insensitive
- actions or speech.
- 168
- 00:12:59,100 --> 00:13:01,132
- You're the politically
- correct police.
- 169
- 00:13:01,134 --> 00:13:02,798
- No.
- 170
- 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:04,998
- You parse what people say and
- do, and then accuse them
- 171
- 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:08,531
- of being racist or misogynist
- or otherwise horrible.
- 172
- 00:13:08,533 --> 00:13:10,665
- You destroy lives
- and reputations for money.
- 173
- 00:13:10,667 --> 00:13:12,465
- No.
- 174
- 00:13:12,467 --> 00:13:14,867
- Is that what you dreamed of?
- A career in reverse fascism?
- 175
- 00:13:17,700 --> 00:13:19,167
- I can't remember dreaming.
- 176
- 00:14:52,201 --> 00:14:53,734
- Wrong!
- 177
- 00:14:57,034 --> 00:14:59,101
- I thought this was my closet.
- 178
- 00:15:01,866 --> 00:15:03,734
- Are you expecting
- a response of some kind?
- 179
- 00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:06,565
- No.
- 180
- 00:15:06,567 --> 00:15:10,565
- Uh, I see now that there
- is a bolt on the door.
- 181
- 00:15:10,567 --> 00:15:12,465
- So, we should use it.
- 182
- 00:15:12,467 --> 00:15:13,767
- Yep.
- 183
- 00:15:59,733 --> 00:16:02,165
- - How's your room?
- - I'm just sleeping there.
- 184
- 00:16:02,167 --> 00:16:03,831
- How's yours?
- 185
- 00:16:03,833 --> 00:16:06,531
- I'll let you know after I run
- a UV light over the sheets.
- 186
- 00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:08,132
- We really shouldn't
- speak anymore.
- 187
- 00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:09,831
- If you think that's best.
- 188
- 00:16:09,833 --> 00:16:11,665
- Do you think Keith
- is trying to fix us up?
- 189
- 00:16:11,667 --> 00:16:12,932
- Even he is smarter
- than that.
- 190
- 00:16:12,934 --> 00:16:15,999
- I don't know.
- I mean, same flight.
- 191
- 00:16:16,001 --> 00:16:18,132
- Seated next to each other
- on the plane.
- 192
- 00:16:18,134 --> 00:16:20,632
- Adjoining rooms.
- Seated next to each other here.
- 193
- 00:16:20,634 --> 00:16:22,999
- You think that's
- all just coincidence?
- 194
- 00:16:23,001 --> 00:16:26,465
- Keith has never had a thought
- about another human being.
- 195
- 00:16:26,467 --> 00:16:29,665
- So we're just the people
- you don't know where to stick?
- 196
- 00:16:29,667 --> 00:16:31,764
- Might as well
- just stick us together.
- 197
- 00:16:31,766 --> 00:16:34,065
- I don't want to be a person
- you don't know where to stick.
- 198
- 00:16:34,067 --> 00:16:36,797
- That is not the life
- I imagined for myself.
- 199
- 00:16:36,799 --> 00:16:39,999
- I'm sure your next life
- will be better.
- 200
- 00:16:40,001 --> 00:16:43,831
- Welp, here we go.
- 201
- 00:16:43,833 --> 00:16:44,899
- So that's her.
- 202
- 00:16:44,901 --> 00:16:46,467
- Yep.
- 203
- 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:50,032
- She is a tall glass
- of hemlock.
- 204
- 00:16:50,034 --> 00:16:51,965
- - She's Danish.
- - Dutch, I thought.
- 205
- 00:16:51,967 --> 00:16:53,465
- Danish.
- From Denmark.
- 206
- 00:16:53,467 --> 00:16:55,199
- I know where
- Danish are from.
- 207
- 00:16:55,201 --> 00:16:56,965
- He looks the same
- as he used to.
- 208
- 00:16:56,967 --> 00:16:58,598
- Plastic people don't age.
- 209
- 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,165
- Well, I was hoping he had.
- 210
- 00:17:00,167 --> 00:17:05,032
- I was hoping he'd be less attractive
- or on his way to obesity.
- 211
- 00:17:05,034 --> 00:17:07,867
- Is this the first time you've seen
- him since the crushing ending?
- 212
- 00:17:09,234 --> 00:17:10,899
- - Is it bad?
- - Yep.
- 213
- 00:17:10,901 --> 00:17:13,134
- - As bad as you feared?
- - Yeah. Worse.
- 214
- 00:17:16,167 --> 00:17:20,132
- - How can this be the way the species is set up?
- - I'm sorry?
- 215
- 00:17:20,134 --> 00:17:23,232
- How can we be allowed
- to feel so much for people
- 216
- 00:17:23,234 --> 00:17:25,664
- who don't feel
- anything for us?
- 217
- 00:17:25,666 --> 00:17:28,632
- You're assuming that you're
- normal, which is hilarious.
- 218
- 00:17:28,634 --> 00:17:31,797
- - It's incredibly cruel.
- - Well, look at it this way.
- 219
- 00:17:31,799 --> 00:17:35,065
- For a time, you carved out a place in his life
- when there really shouldn't have been one.
- 220
- 00:17:35,067 --> 00:17:36,731
- That makes me a dipshit.
- 221
- 00:17:36,733 --> 00:17:39,032
- I agree.
- I was just humoring you.
- 222
- 00:17:39,034 --> 00:17:40,832
- The truth is,
- from puberty on in,
- 223
- 00:17:40,834 --> 00:17:43,132
- we should all just
- be playing defense.
- 224
- 00:17:43,134 --> 00:17:45,633
- - "On in"? On in to what?
- - Death.
- 225
- 00:17:47,699 --> 00:17:49,165
- - Oh, God.
- - Officer on deck.
- 226
- 00:17:49,167 --> 00:17:51,565
- - So you got to know Mom.
- - Plenty well enough.
- 227
- 00:17:51,567 --> 00:17:52,797
- So you met her twice.
- 228
- 00:17:54,967 --> 00:17:56,598
- Howard.
- 229
- 00:17:56,600 --> 00:18:00,232
- - Oh, this fucking guy.
- - Who's he with?
- 230
- 00:18:00,234 --> 00:18:01,598
- His girlfriend.
- 231
- 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,232
- Howard left your mother?
- 232
- 00:18:03,234 --> 00:18:06,199
- "Left" is not
- a strong enough word. Fled.
- 233
- 00:18:06,201 --> 00:18:08,932
- - For an older woman?
- - He would have left for an otter.
- 234
- 00:18:08,934 --> 00:18:12,132
- - Anyway, leaving is leaving.
- - No, no.
- 235
- 00:18:12,134 --> 00:18:15,697
- Leaving for a younger woman
- is awful, it's horrible.
- 236
- 00:18:15,699 --> 00:18:19,498
- But leaving for an older
- woman is perverse.
- 237
- 00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:21,731
- Mom would have been just
- as angry about a younger one.
- 238
- 00:18:21,733 --> 00:18:24,065
- Yeah, but she would've
- been able to use her age
- 239
- 00:18:24,067 --> 00:18:26,999
- to rail against
- a gender-unfair society.
- 240
- 00:18:27,001 --> 00:18:29,999
- I mean, leaving for a younger
- woman's the least he could've done.
- 241
- 00:18:30,001 --> 00:18:31,999
- My father left her
- for a younger woman.
- 242
- 00:18:32,001 --> 00:18:34,631
- She can think about that,
- when she wants to cheer up.
- 243
- 00:18:34,633 --> 00:18:38,032
- But she and your father eventually
- made peace though, didn't they?
- 244
- 00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:40,199
- Yep. Dad jumped out
- a seventh-floor window,
- 245
- 00:18:40,201 --> 00:18:42,099
- and Mom considered them
- all square.
- 246
- 00:18:42,101 --> 00:18:43,832
- - I'm sorry?
- - Don't be.
- 247
- 00:18:43,834 --> 00:18:45,597
- I was not a fan.
- 248
- 00:18:45,599 --> 00:18:48,199
- Well, you're not a fan of
- many people, is my sense.
- 249
- 00:18:48,201 --> 00:18:49,999
- Well, this person
- shot me, so...
- 250
- 00:18:50,001 --> 00:18:52,232
- - He shot you?
- - He did.
- 251
- 00:18:52,234 --> 00:18:55,765
- He said I was the embodiment
- of all his bad choices.
- 252
- 00:18:55,767 --> 00:18:58,165
- - Did it hurt?
- - Did it hurt?
- 253
- 00:18:58,167 --> 00:18:59,932
- Is that a serious question?
- 254
- 00:18:59,934 --> 00:19:01,832
- There's a metal missile
- going into your body.
- 255
- 00:19:01,834 --> 00:19:03,899
- Yes, it hurt.
- It hurt a great deal.
- 256
- 00:19:03,901 --> 00:19:05,865
- Well, what did you do?
- 257
- 00:19:05,867 --> 00:19:06,965
- I ran at him.
- 258
- 00:19:06,967 --> 00:19:08,832
- You ran at him?
- 259
- 00:19:08,834 --> 00:19:10,498
- Why didn't you
- run away from him?
- 260
- 00:19:10,500 --> 00:19:12,664
- That didn't occur to me.
- I was pissed off.
- 261
- 00:19:12,666 --> 00:19:15,165
- He tried to shoot me again,
- but he missed.
- 262
- 00:19:15,167 --> 00:19:19,465
- I got the gun out of his hand, hit him in
- the face with it, broke his orbital bone.
- 263
- 00:19:19,467 --> 00:19:21,899
- - What did he do?
- - He cried.
- 264
- 00:19:21,901 --> 00:19:23,398
- Begged me to kill him.
- I wouldn't.
- 265
- 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:26,564
- Not because I didn't want to, but because
- I didn't want to fuck up my life.
- 266
- 00:19:26,566 --> 00:19:29,032
- I mean, any more
- than it already was.
- 267
- 00:19:29,034 --> 00:19:30,697
- Turned out I didn't
- have to kill him though,
- 268
- 00:19:30,699 --> 00:19:33,132
- because that night,
- he jumped.
- 269
- 00:19:33,134 --> 00:19:35,697
- It's quite a family.
- 270
- 00:19:35,699 --> 00:19:38,032
- Nobody's arguing.
- 271
- 00:19:38,034 --> 00:19:42,032
- You can't call a
- 78-year-old woman your "girlfriend."
- 272
- 00:19:42,034 --> 00:19:43,530
- It's ridiculous.
- 273
- 00:19:43,532 --> 00:19:44,932
- What should I call her then?
- 274
- 00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:48,932
- I don't know. An ossified,
- pre-dead corpse-friend?
- 275
- 00:19:48,934 --> 00:19:51,232
- Is that in the politically
- correct handbook?
- 276
- 00:19:51,234 --> 00:19:53,232
- I'm off the clock.
- 277
- 00:19:53,234 --> 00:19:55,132
- She just needs a little
- more hair and makeup.
- 278
- 00:19:55,134 --> 00:19:57,932
- I think we passed
- a mortician on the way in.
- 279
- 00:19:57,934 --> 00:19:59,631
- Travel with her
- on your arm,
- 280
- 00:19:59,633 --> 00:20:02,165
- you'd better know where the
- funeral parlors are at all times.
- 281
- 00:20:02,167 --> 00:20:05,465
- And by "On your arm,"
- you mean both figuratively
- 282
- 00:20:05,467 --> 00:20:08,032
- and for actual
- physical support.
- 283
- 00:20:08,034 --> 00:20:10,597
- - I've never met her.
- - Better hurry.
- 284
- 00:20:10,599 --> 00:20:13,132
- I guess the heart wants
- what the heart wants.
- 285
- 00:20:13,134 --> 00:20:15,732
- Or whatever the
- pacemaker says it can have.
- 286
- 00:20:15,734 --> 00:20:17,530
- Apparently,
- they went to the same college.
- 287
- 00:20:17,532 --> 00:20:19,698
- She was a senior
- when he was a freshman.
- 288
- 00:20:19,700 --> 00:20:21,999
- Well, she's a senior again.
- 289
- 00:20:23,934 --> 00:20:27,665
- - Are you gonna say hello?
- - Yep. Are you?
- 290
- 00:20:27,667 --> 00:20:29,999
- Yep.
- 291
- 00:20:30,001 --> 00:20:31,832
- Have a nice time.
- 292
- 00:21:40,767 --> 00:21:44,032
- - You okay?
- - Nope. You?
- 293
- 00:21:44,034 --> 00:21:46,134
- I'm all fucked up
- and I always will be.
- 294
- 00:21:47,867 --> 00:21:52,867
- You think anyone will notice
- if I... go back to the hotel?
- 295
- 00:21:54,201 --> 00:21:55,201
- Nope.
- 296
- 00:21:56,067 --> 00:21:57,067
- Yeah.
- 297
- 00:21:58,566 --> 00:21:59,566
- All right.
- 298
- 00:22:19,734 --> 00:22:22,632
- Psst.
- 299
- 00:22:22,634 --> 00:22:27,034
- I mean, not to throw
- stones, but he has a lot going on.
- 300
- 00:22:28,466 --> 00:22:30,832
- I mean... I mean, I know
- I have mine,
- 301
- 00:22:30,834 --> 00:22:33,199
- but my father
- never <i>shot</i> me.
- 302
- 00:22:33,201 --> 00:22:36,798
- I don't think he ever
- even touched a gun.
- 303
- 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:41,032
- I mean, there was that one time I
- put those two boxes of Band-Aids
- 304
- 00:22:41,034 --> 00:22:45,965
- on my doll and he,
- like, barely patted me.
- 305
- 00:22:45,967 --> 00:22:48,698
- Like, you couldn't
- even call it a spanking.
- 306
- 00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:53,899
- It was like... He was
- apologizing forever for it.
- 307
- 00:22:53,901 --> 00:22:55,134
- And he still feels bad.
- 308
- 00:22:57,466 --> 00:23:00,565
- I mean, seven floors.
- 309
- 00:23:00,567 --> 00:23:03,232
- I wonder if there was more
- floors he could of just gone up
- 310
- 00:23:03,234 --> 00:23:04,867
- so he could die instantly.
- 311
- 00:23:05,901 --> 00:23:09,065
- Not like...
- 312
- 00:23:09,067 --> 00:23:11,099
- Can you die... How many...
- 313
- 00:23:11,101 --> 00:23:13,167
- I don't know. I guess
- it depends on the building.
- 314
- 00:23:14,700 --> 00:23:16,065
- Very, very...
- 315
- 00:23:16,067 --> 00:23:19,134
- Just psychologically,
- it's just interesting, but...
- 316
- 00:23:23,001 --> 00:23:24,865
- <i>You don't think.</i>
- 317
- 00:23:24,867 --> 00:23:28,565
- <i>He stole from me, from his
- employer, from Katherine March.</i>
- 318
- 00:23:28,567 --> 00:23:31,867
- <i>My wife... I mean
- my former wife is correct.</i>
- 319
- 00:23:33,134 --> 00:23:34,466
- <i>I really can paint.</i>
- 320
- 00:23:36,934 --> 00:23:39,498
- <i>My copies were so bad
- I had to destroy them.</i>
- 321
- 00:23:39,500 --> 00:23:41,001
- <i>For God's sake, he's lying.</i>
- 322
- 00:23:43,667 --> 00:23:45,901
- Because he's left-handed,
- you idiot.
- 323
- 00:23:47,533 --> 00:23:50,099
- <i>He told me
- Miss March painted them.</i>
- 324
- 00:23:50,101 --> 00:23:51,765
- <i>In my expert opinion...</i>
- 325
- 00:24:04,234 --> 00:24:08,165
- <i>He said he was going to fix
- it when he left my place around 2:00 a.m.</i>
- 326
- 00:24:08,167 --> 00:24:11,232
- <i>That's when I told him...</i>
- 327
- 00:24:11,234 --> 00:24:13,698
- <i>So he
- kills her with my ice pick.</i>
- 328
- 00:24:13,700 --> 00:24:16,531
- <i>And I heard her say,
- "'Hello, Johnnie' before she hung up."</i>
- 329
- 00:24:16,533 --> 00:24:18,065
- <i>He was there all right.</i>
- 330
- 00:24:18,067 --> 00:24:19,698
- <i>Well, what I don't understand</i>
- 331
- 00:24:19,700 --> 00:24:20,932
- <i>is this talk
- about her being an artist.</i>
- 332
- 00:24:20,934 --> 00:24:22,531
- <i>I never saw her paint.</i>
- 333
- 00:24:22,533 --> 00:24:24,565
- <i>That was one
- of her peculiar traits.</i>
- 334
- 00:24:24,567 --> 00:24:26,500
- <i>She never let anyone
- see her paint.</i>
- 335
- 00:24:46,967 --> 00:24:51,198
- I would not have guessed, Frank, that you
- were a man who enjoyed a foot massage.
- 336
- 00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:56,065
- I'm not. When I saw the complimentary
- chit in the wedding welcome basket,
- 337
- 00:24:56,067 --> 00:24:58,099
- I thought, "I don't want that.
- 338
- 00:24:58,101 --> 00:25:00,165
- I'm not comfortable with other
- people touching my feet.
- 339
- 00:25:00,167 --> 00:25:02,565
- I don't see why
- it's necessary or good."
- 340
- 00:25:02,567 --> 00:25:04,598
- Then why are you here?
- 341
- 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:07,032
- Because it's a $30 value,
- and throwing it away
- 342
- 00:25:07,034 --> 00:25:09,099
- would have bothered me
- even more than this does.
- 343
- 00:25:09,101 --> 00:25:10,498
- So, you're cheap.
- 344
- 00:25:10,500 --> 00:25:11,965
- Oh, I'm way worse
- than cheap,
- 345
- 00:25:11,967 --> 00:25:14,498
- especially when it comes to free shit...
- I hoard free shit.
- 346
- 00:25:14,500 --> 00:25:16,032
- Especially
- the gray-area free shit,
- 347
- 00:25:16,034 --> 00:25:19,165
- like the nail files and disposable
- slippers in the hotel room.
- 348
- 00:25:19,167 --> 00:25:20,832
- "Gray area."
- 349
- 00:25:20,834 --> 00:25:22,832
- I tell myself that they
- want me to take it,
- 350
- 00:25:22,834 --> 00:25:24,531
- that I'm intended
- to take it.
- 351
- 00:25:24,533 --> 00:25:25,932
- Do you take
- the shoehorns?
- 352
- 00:25:25,934 --> 00:25:27,732
- Not the long ones,
- only the short ones.
- 353
- 00:25:27,734 --> 00:25:31,065
- Well, that's not a gray area,
- that's theft. You're a thief.
- 354
- 00:25:31,067 --> 00:25:34,531
- Do you take the shampoo,
- conditioner, and body wash?
- 355
- 00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:36,865
- I used to, but then one
- leaked in my suitcase.
- 356
- 00:25:36,867 --> 00:25:39,531
- Huh. What about the soaps?
- 357
- 00:25:39,533 --> 00:25:41,132
- Not the round soaps
- wrapped in paper.
- 358
- 00:25:41,134 --> 00:25:43,865
- But the bigger ones,
- in the boxes? Yes, I do.
- 359
- 00:25:43,867 --> 00:25:47,832
- So, you're a minor person
- with grubby hands.
- 360
- 00:25:47,834 --> 00:25:50,765
- I don't understand how, even after
- Keith did what he did to you,
- 361
- 00:25:50,767 --> 00:25:53,032
- and even in the midst
- of the shame of being here,
- 362
- 00:25:53,034 --> 00:25:55,531
- you can possibly still
- be mooning over him.
- 363
- 00:25:55,533 --> 00:25:57,032
- That's because
- you're a monkey
- 364
- 00:25:57,034 --> 00:25:59,531
- who doesn't understand
- the human condition.
- 365
- 00:25:59,533 --> 00:26:01,465
- Having met you, I understand
- why it's a condition.
- 366
- 00:26:01,467 --> 00:26:02,865
- You don't stop
- loving a person
- 367
- 00:26:02,867 --> 00:26:05,099
- just because
- they injure you.
- 368
- 00:26:05,101 --> 00:26:06,531
- It helps.
- 369
- 00:26:06,533 --> 00:26:09,164
- - Well, love is not rational.
- - Clearly.
- 370
- 00:26:09,166 --> 00:26:10,999
- But how could you
- even like Keith?
- 371
- 00:26:11,001 --> 00:26:13,732
- - I never said I liked him.
- - Then how can you love him?
- 372
- 00:26:13,734 --> 00:26:15,732
- Love has nothing
- to do with like.
- 373
- 00:26:15,734 --> 00:26:19,065
- - Healthy people would disagree.
- - Healthy people are sick.
- 374
- 00:26:19,067 --> 00:26:22,531
- Isn't there a part of you that just
- wants to wish him well and move on?
- 375
- 00:26:22,533 --> 00:26:26,164
- Mmm... Most of me wants him
- to be found in an icy river.
- 376
- 00:26:26,166 --> 00:26:29,531
- It makes no sense to want the
- person you love to be dead.
- 377
- 00:26:29,533 --> 00:26:31,865
- Because then you'd have no one
- left to love except yourself.
- 378
- 00:26:31,867 --> 00:26:34,133
- Which, in your case,
- would be unrequited.
- 379
- 00:26:35,667 --> 00:26:39,198
- - I really don't want him dead.
- - Good.
- 380
- 00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:42,465
- I want him to have a long life, during
- which he is miserable every single day
- 381
- 00:26:42,467 --> 00:26:44,932
- before slowly
- dying of regret.
- 382
- 00:26:44,934 --> 00:26:47,832
- There are seven billion people
- in the world.
- 383
- 00:26:47,834 --> 00:26:49,932
- So when one of them
- behaves badly toward you,
- 384
- 00:26:49,934 --> 00:26:52,865
- he's actually doing you a great
- favor because he's saving you time.
- 385
- 00:26:52,867 --> 00:26:55,231
- He's telling you that
- he's not worth your while.
- 386
- 00:26:55,233 --> 00:26:57,698
- He's freeing you to say,
- "Thank you for the information.
- 387
- 00:26:57,700 --> 00:27:05,164
- I will now move on to
- the 6,999,999,999 other people,
- 388
- 00:27:05,166 --> 00:27:07,999
- some of whom
- may have some value."
- 389
- 00:27:08,001 --> 00:27:09,732
- And is that what
- you've done, Frank?
- 390
- 00:27:09,734 --> 00:27:12,064
- Just sifted,
- calmly and sensibly,
- 391
- 00:27:12,066 --> 00:27:15,531
- through the entire population,
- searching for your soul mate?
- 392
- 00:27:15,533 --> 00:27:18,665
- No, I have opted out, which
- makes me uniquely qualified
- 393
- 00:27:18,667 --> 00:27:20,565
- to observe and comment
- on your situation.
- 394
- 00:27:20,567 --> 00:27:22,034
- Oh, I am so lucky.
- 395
- 00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:25,932
- - It was a long time ago.
- - Not an eternity.
- 396
- 00:27:25,934 --> 00:27:30,064
- - You were both very young.
- - Old enough to know right from wrong.
- 397
- 00:27:30,066 --> 00:27:32,465
- Incidentally, I spoke
- to the bride last night.
- 398
- 00:27:32,467 --> 00:27:35,565
- Oh, she does not have the
- sense God gave a toaster.
- 399
- 00:27:35,567 --> 00:27:38,832
- She's a moron, and her breasts
- were built on a medical bench.
- 400
- 00:27:38,834 --> 00:27:42,232
- But she said to tell you that
- she hopes you can be friends.
- 401
- 00:27:42,234 --> 00:27:43,899
- You talked about me?
- 402
- 00:27:43,901 --> 00:27:45,565
- She didn't give you
- a lot of airtime.
- 403
- 00:27:45,567 --> 00:27:47,698
- She has trouble
- stringing sentences together.
- 404
- 00:27:47,700 --> 00:27:49,632
- And she uses a lot
- of personal pronouns,
- 405
- 00:27:49,634 --> 00:27:51,832
- so you're not always quite sure
- who she's talking about.
- 406
- 00:27:51,834 --> 00:27:53,698
- Well done, Keith.
- 407
- 00:27:53,700 --> 00:27:57,732
- But if it helps, she said
- she's not threatened by you.
- 408
- 00:27:57,734 --> 00:28:00,698
- Yes, that helps
- tremendously.
- 409
- 00:28:00,700 --> 00:28:02,380
- At least I think
- she was talking about you.
- 410
- 00:28:03,767 --> 00:28:07,832
- She said "her." I'm pretty
- sure she meant you.
- 411
- 00:28:07,834 --> 00:28:11,665
- - Wow. What do you care anyway?
- - I don't.
- 412
- 00:28:11,667 --> 00:28:14,632
- I'm just trying to amuse myself
- and get to tomorrow.
- 413
- 00:28:14,634 --> 00:28:17,000
- Do you care
- about anything?
- 414
- 00:28:18,767 --> 00:28:21,000
- How many times in your life
- have you been in love?
- 415
- 00:28:22,166 --> 00:28:23,932
- Once.
- 416
- 00:28:23,934 --> 00:28:25,467
- What was it like?
- 417
- 00:28:42,834 --> 00:28:45,865
- How does anybody drink wine
- at 11:00 in the morning?
- 418
- 00:28:45,867 --> 00:28:47,598
- It's a winery, Frank.
- 419
- 00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:50,598
- Haven't you ever given out a Car
- of the Year award at 11:00?
- 420
- 00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:52,000
- I can still taste toothpaste.
- 421
- 00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:57,732
- - You were absolutely right.
- - What did you say?
- 422
- 00:28:57,734 --> 00:29:00,598
- A destination wedding
- is presumptuous.
- 423
- 00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:02,832
- "Please drag your carcass
- hundreds of miles
- 424
- 00:29:02,834 --> 00:29:05,064
- to excessively celebrate
- our happiness."
- 425
- 00:29:05,066 --> 00:29:07,632
- Yeah. "Because our
- wedding is so special,
- 426
- 00:29:07,634 --> 00:29:09,899
- it needs to be
- an epic imposition."
- 427
- 00:29:09,901 --> 00:29:13,531
- "It's far too important to celebrate
- in anybody's shit-ass hometown."
- 428
- 00:29:13,533 --> 00:29:17,531
- "Or on one calendar day. So kindly
- give up your entire weekend."
- 429
- 00:29:17,533 --> 00:29:20,565
- "And spend a fuck-ton of your own
- money, over and above the gift."
- 430
- 00:29:20,567 --> 00:29:22,665
- I bet you loved
- the minibar prices.
- 431
- 00:29:22,667 --> 00:29:24,000
- It's like 80 cents
- per cashew.
- 432
- 00:29:26,134 --> 00:29:27,832
- What's hilarious
- is that these two
- 433
- 00:29:27,834 --> 00:29:30,498
- have no idea they're
- in a fool's paradise.
- 434
- 00:29:30,500 --> 00:29:32,565
- You really think that?
- 435
- 00:29:32,567 --> 00:29:35,732
- I've spent most of my life dodging the
- shrapnel from my mother's marriages,
- 436
- 00:29:35,734 --> 00:29:39,165
- both of which started
- with smiles as big as theirs.
- 437
- 00:29:39,167 --> 00:29:41,098
- Some marriages work out.
- 438
- 00:29:41,100 --> 00:29:43,598
- Yes, and some people
- have six fingers.
- 439
- 00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:45,598
- So I'm guessing
- you're single.
- 440
- 00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:47,732
- I decided to learn
- from my parents' mistakes.
- 441
- 00:29:47,734 --> 00:29:49,998
- It's a form
- of evolution.
- 442
- 00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:53,732
- Yeah, but you can't blame people for
- believing their own lives will be different.
- 443
- 00:29:53,734 --> 00:29:57,498
- Yes, I can.
- It's incredibly egotistical.
- 444
- 00:29:57,500 --> 00:30:00,964
- It might help you to consider the
- idea that heartbreak is pointless,
- 445
- 00:30:00,966 --> 00:30:02,665
- because if you had
- wound up with the person,
- 446
- 00:30:02,667 --> 00:30:05,498
- eventually, you would've
- been miserable anyway.
- 447
- 00:30:05,500 --> 00:30:07,565
- Actually that does help,
- thank you.
- 448
- 00:30:07,567 --> 00:30:10,132
- No problem.
- 449
- 00:30:10,134 --> 00:30:13,031
- But don't you believe there's
- someone for everyone?
- 450
- 00:30:13,033 --> 00:30:14,498
- Close.
- 451
- 00:30:14,500 --> 00:30:17,000
- I believe that there's
- nobody for anyone.
- 452
- 00:30:34,167 --> 00:30:37,632
- I wish your mother and Howard's
- corpse-friend were playing.
- 453
- 00:30:37,634 --> 00:30:41,465
- They could try and dislodge
- each other's tunnel catheters.
- 454
- 00:30:41,467 --> 00:30:43,465
- Have you talked
- to the corpse-friend?
- 455
- 00:30:43,467 --> 00:30:47,165
- Briefly. She's dull, and she
- needs a week at depilatory camp.
- 456
- 00:30:47,167 --> 00:30:50,498
- - Maybe she's rich.
- - I sure hope so.
- 457
- 00:30:50,500 --> 00:30:51,600
- Get her!
- 458
- 00:30:53,667 --> 00:30:55,632
- Do you ever think
- it's a crutch though,
- 459
- 00:30:55,634 --> 00:30:57,898
- blaming your mother and
- father for everything?
- 460
- 00:30:57,900 --> 00:30:59,665
- When did crutches
- get a bad name?
- 461
- 00:30:59,667 --> 00:31:01,232
- When you have a broken leg,
- you need a crutch.
- 462
- 00:31:01,234 --> 00:31:03,765
- In fact, it would be stupid
- not to have a crutch.
- 463
- 00:31:03,767 --> 00:31:06,065
- Well, yeah,
- but broken legs heal.
- 464
- 00:31:06,067 --> 00:31:08,465
- I mean don't you have
- a responsibility to yourself
- 465
- 00:31:08,467 --> 00:31:12,498
- to eventually cast aside the
- crutches and meet new challenges?
- 466
- 00:31:12,500 --> 00:31:14,765
- If the parent-child bond
- is diseased,
- 467
- 00:31:14,767 --> 00:31:18,931
- you have a better chance of being a
- sociopath than of being well-adjusted.
- 468
- 00:31:18,933 --> 00:31:20,931
- I consider it a triumph
- of the will
- 469
- 00:31:20,933 --> 00:31:24,498
- that there aren't shallow graves
- dotting my backyard.
- 470
- 00:31:24,500 --> 00:31:27,864
- Besides, who are you to talk?
- 471
- 00:31:27,866 --> 00:31:32,199
- Simple heartbreak like yours should be,
- relatively speaking, a piece of cake to get over.
- 472
- 00:31:32,201 --> 00:31:34,132
- Well, it's not.
- 473
- 00:31:34,134 --> 00:31:37,797
- I'd rather be strong and ruined
- than weak and ruined.
- 474
- 00:31:37,799 --> 00:31:40,732
- I'm not weak.
- I just have hope.
- 475
- 00:31:40,734 --> 00:31:42,665
- That's the same thing.
- 476
- 00:31:58,700 --> 00:32:02,665
- How do you not install steps
- or a pathway for this shit?
- 477
- 00:32:02,667 --> 00:32:04,831
- They warned us. It was
- in the Welcome Basket.
- 478
- 00:32:04,833 --> 00:32:06,831
- This is a fucking
- liability nightmare.
- 479
- 00:32:06,833 --> 00:32:09,099
- That's right,
- sue Keith again.
- 480
- 00:32:09,101 --> 00:32:11,165
- Can't we just get the van
- to drive us up?
- 481
- 00:32:11,167 --> 00:32:13,797
- - We're going 90 feet.
- - Well, the heels won't make it.
- 482
- 00:32:13,799 --> 00:32:15,797
- Then take them off
- until we get there.
- 483
- 00:32:15,799 --> 00:32:18,165
- - I just got a foot massage.
- - So?
- 484
- 00:32:18,167 --> 00:32:21,598
- I'm not gonna show up at my
- ex-fiancé's wedding with dirty feet.
- 485
- 00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:24,099
- You can clean them off
- at the grape wash.
- 486
- 00:32:24,101 --> 00:32:26,931
- - Can't you just carry me, please?
- - What?
- 487
- 00:32:26,933 --> 00:32:30,065
- - I can't believe I have to ask.
- - What?
- 488
- 00:32:30,067 --> 00:32:32,598
- - It's 90 feet.
- - How much do you weigh?
- 489
- 00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:34,831
- - Frank.
- - I don't want to shed my mortal coil.
- 490
- 00:32:34,833 --> 00:32:37,001
- Well, if that happens,
- you can put me down.
- 491
- 00:32:48,634 --> 00:32:50,831
- You have a high,
- specific gravity.
- 492
- 00:32:50,833 --> 00:32:52,632
- Yeah, dense bones.
- 493
- 00:32:52,634 --> 00:32:54,797
- Really deceptive avoirdupois.
- 494
- 00:32:54,799 --> 00:32:57,531
- This is the slowest
- I've ever been carried.
- 495
- 00:32:57,533 --> 00:32:59,099
- Oh, dear God, be quiet.
- 496
- 00:32:59,101 --> 00:33:00,831
- Can you just let me off
- at the top though,
- 497
- 00:33:00,833 --> 00:33:02,864
- so no one sees
- that you carried me?
- 498
- 00:33:02,866 --> 00:33:06,698
- Why? Maybe Keith will get
- jealous and rethink everything.
- 499
- 00:33:06,700 --> 00:33:08,831
- Keith has
- forgotten I'm here.
- 500
- 00:33:14,201 --> 00:33:15,201
- Fuck me.
- 501
- 00:33:23,001 --> 00:33:26,165
- It's 800 degrees.
- 502
- 00:33:26,167 --> 00:33:28,565
- Why is the minister
- in a seersucker suit?
- 503
- 00:33:28,567 --> 00:33:29,764
- Because he's not a minister.
- 504
- 00:33:29,766 --> 00:33:31,132
- He's Keith's friend
- from college.
- 505
- 00:33:31,134 --> 00:33:32,999
- Levy, I think his name is.
- 506
- 00:33:33,001 --> 00:33:35,099
- - Kaplan?
- - Kaplan, right.
- 507
- 00:33:35,101 --> 00:33:37,465
- - Is he wearing makeup?
- - Always.
- 508
- 00:33:37,467 --> 00:33:39,764
- Usually
- the Nars Radiant Creamy.
- 509
- 00:33:39,766 --> 00:33:41,632
- If memory serves,
- he's gay.
- 510
- 00:33:41,634 --> 00:33:45,831
- The correct term is "Effeminate
- American." And actually he's pansexual.
- 511
- 00:33:45,833 --> 00:33:47,232
- What does that mean?
- 512
- 00:33:47,234 --> 00:33:49,165
- He's attracted
- to all genders,
- 513
- 00:33:49,167 --> 00:33:51,965
- gender identities,
- and sexual orientations.
- 514
- 00:33:51,967 --> 00:33:53,999
- - Come on.
- - I'm telling you.
- 515
- 00:33:54,001 --> 00:33:55,797
- How'd he get the gig?
- 516
- 00:33:55,799 --> 00:33:57,531
- He fucked the bride
- and the groom.
- 517
- 00:33:57,533 --> 00:34:00,132
- - Which was, like, no big deal.
- - Vanilla.
- 518
- 00:34:00,134 --> 00:34:02,664
- I mean, because he would fuck, for
- example, a man who believes he's a woman?
- 519
- 00:34:02,666 --> 00:34:04,199
- Absolutely.
- 520
- 00:34:04,201 --> 00:34:07,065
- Or a straight woman who believes
- she's actually a gay man?
- 521
- 00:34:07,067 --> 00:34:09,165
- - Not a day goes by.
- - What about hermaphrodites?
- 522
- 00:34:09,167 --> 00:34:10,731
- You'd have to think.
- 523
- 00:34:10,733 --> 00:34:12,932
- They just let anyone
- officiate at weddings?
- 524
- 00:34:12,934 --> 00:34:16,697
- Not anyone. You need a credit
- card and an Internet connection.
- 525
- 00:34:16,699 --> 00:34:20,032
- - You researched this?
- - Oh, I researched everything.
- 526
- 00:34:20,034 --> 00:34:21,999
- I knew where
- we would buy a house,
- 527
- 00:34:22,001 --> 00:34:24,999
- where our kids would be born,
- where they'd go to school.
- 528
- 00:34:25,001 --> 00:34:26,733
- I knew where we'd be buried.
- 529
- 00:34:29,867 --> 00:34:32,899
- Do you become a clergyman in
- an online church of some sort?
- 530
- 00:34:32,901 --> 00:34:35,032
- No, you can
- just do weddings.
- 531
- 00:34:35,034 --> 00:34:37,132
- - Not baptisms?
- - No.
- 532
- 00:34:37,134 --> 00:34:40,165
- - Funerals? Bar Mitzvahs?
- - Just weddings.
- 533
- 00:34:40,167 --> 00:34:43,932
- - How many believers does he have?
- - No believers. No congregation.
- 534
- 00:34:43,934 --> 00:34:47,099
- - Does his church preach that there's a heaven?
- - Ain't got no church.
- 535
- 00:34:47,101 --> 00:34:50,798
- Why would anyone have my
- mother as the maid of honor?
- 536
- 00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:54,697
- I don't know. It's like having
- the Grim Reaper at your CAT scan.
- 537
- 00:34:54,699 --> 00:34:58,597
- If I had a nickel for every time she
- said to me, "I am not your maid."
- 538
- 00:34:58,599 --> 00:35:02,232
- - Was she born during the Great Depression?
- - No, she caused it.
- 539
- 00:35:02,234 --> 00:35:04,664
- - You know who I feel sorry for?
- - Yourself?
- 540
- 00:35:04,666 --> 00:35:06,165
- Anne's father.
- 541
- 00:35:06,167 --> 00:35:08,697
- Why? He's the only one here
- who wasn't married to my mother.
- 542
- 00:35:08,699 --> 00:35:13,899
- Because once upon a time, he was the Most
- Important Male Person In Anne's Life,
- 543
- 00:35:13,901 --> 00:35:16,865
- the "M.P.I.A.L." if you will.
- 544
- 00:35:16,867 --> 00:35:19,165
- I will, but only
- if I have to.
- 545
- 00:35:19,167 --> 00:35:22,597
- It's dangerous for a father
- to pass that mantle.
- 546
- 00:35:22,599 --> 00:35:25,965
- Just because he's Danish doesn't mean
- he was fucking his own daughter.
- 547
- 00:35:25,967 --> 00:35:29,232
- In a very real sense,
- by virtue of cultivating
- 548
- 00:35:29,234 --> 00:35:33,631
- a healthy, loving relationship with
- her, showing her, day after day,
- 549
- 00:35:33,633 --> 00:35:36,132
- year after year, how a good
- man should comport himself,
- 550
- 00:35:36,134 --> 00:35:38,865
- he's been preparing
- her whole life for marriage.
- 551
- 00:35:38,867 --> 00:35:41,465
- - To Keith.
- - Exactly.
- 552
- 00:35:41,467 --> 00:35:43,765
- That's the lamb to
- the slaughter right there.
- 553
- 00:35:43,767 --> 00:35:47,232
- She and her dad have been leading with
- their chins, cruising for a bruising.
- 554
- 00:35:47,234 --> 00:35:49,465
- Asking for it.
- It's a total sucker play.
- 555
- 00:35:49,467 --> 00:35:50,965
- Or so you've heard.
- 556
- 00:35:50,967 --> 00:35:53,165
- There's a sucker that reaches
- age of consent every minute.
- 557
- 00:35:53,167 --> 00:35:56,564
- When Keith turns out to be
- the mythic jerk that he is,
- 558
- 00:35:56,566 --> 00:36:00,132
- all of her carefully curated
- self-esteem will be destroyed,
- 559
- 00:36:00,134 --> 00:36:03,566
- a father will have lost a
- daughter, and where will she be?
- 560
- 00:36:04,633 --> 00:36:06,498
- Right here
- with the rest of us.
- 561
- 00:36:28,967 --> 00:36:30,666
- I used to love this song.
- 562
- 00:36:32,001 --> 00:36:34,132
- Do you want to dance?
- 563
- 00:36:34,134 --> 00:36:35,867
- - I said "used to."
- - Fine.
- 564
- 00:36:37,967 --> 00:36:40,564
- - Why, do you want to dance?
- - Of course not, I hate dancing.
- 565
- 00:36:40,566 --> 00:36:42,965
- It's moronic and a
- complete waste of time.
- 566
- 00:36:42,967 --> 00:36:45,765
- You're not that busy.
- 567
- 00:36:45,767 --> 00:36:49,099
- I just thought maybe you wanted to
- dance to get your mind off things.
- 568
- 00:36:49,101 --> 00:36:51,232
- I don't and it wouldn't.
- 569
- 00:36:51,234 --> 00:36:54,765
- Fine. I said fine.
- 570
- 00:36:54,767 --> 00:36:56,734
- Neither of us wants
- to fucking dance.
- 571
- 00:37:01,134 --> 00:37:04,599
- I can't help but hope
- Keith tears a hip muscle.
- 572
- 00:37:14,001 --> 00:37:15,867
- Can we take a walk?
- 573
- 00:37:42,700 --> 00:37:44,899
- - How are the shoes?
- - They're fine.
- 574
- 00:37:44,901 --> 00:37:47,165
- I didn't really want to go through
- the whole entire selection,
- 575
- 00:37:47,167 --> 00:37:50,698
- but I have weird arches
- on my mom's side.
- 576
- 00:37:50,700 --> 00:37:52,698
- - So they're good.
- - Yeah.
- 577
- 00:37:52,700 --> 00:37:54,232
- Okay.
- 578
- 00:37:54,234 --> 00:37:56,665
- You know after
- the whole thing with Keith,
- 579
- 00:37:56,667 --> 00:38:00,632
- - I was diagnosed with PTSD.
- - Rich person's PTSD.
- 580
- 00:38:00,634 --> 00:38:03,597
- - Privileged person's PTSD.
- - Okay, I do know what you're saying.
- 581
- 00:38:03,599 --> 00:38:05,497
- This is why people
- hate the top one percent.
- 582
- 00:38:05,499 --> 00:38:08,232
- - I am not the top one percent.
- - Neither am I.
- 583
- 00:38:08,234 --> 00:38:11,598
- When people talk about the top
- one percent like it's home,
- 584
- 00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:13,065
- it drives me fucking crazy.
- 585
- 00:38:13,067 --> 00:38:14,832
- You know who's actually
- in the top one percent
- 586
- 00:38:14,834 --> 00:38:16,732
- are the assholes
- that run the companies
- 587
- 00:38:16,734 --> 00:38:18,965
- that I prosecute
- and you reward.
- 588
- 00:38:18,967 --> 00:38:21,832
- Top ten, top 20 percent,
- whatever it is.
- 589
- 00:38:21,834 --> 00:38:23,999
- The segment of society
- that doesn't have to worry
- 590
- 00:38:24,001 --> 00:38:27,099
- about basic things like food,
- clothing, shelter, transportation,
- 591
- 00:38:27,101 --> 00:38:28,832
- or getting shot
- by the police.
- 592
- 00:38:28,834 --> 00:38:30,497
- So we're not allowed
- to have problems?
- 593
- 00:38:30,499 --> 00:38:32,665
- We're allowed to have them, but
- no one is interested in them.
- 594
- 00:38:32,667 --> 00:38:35,099
- And I don't blame them,
- I'm not even interested.
- 595
- 00:38:35,101 --> 00:38:38,132
- We're trite, trivial,
- tiresome, tone-deaf narcissists.
- 596
- 00:38:38,134 --> 00:38:40,798
- I never said I wasn't
- a tone-deaf narcissist.
- 597
- 00:38:40,800 --> 00:38:42,732
- - The optics are very bad.
- - Nobody's looking.
- 598
- 00:38:42,734 --> 00:38:44,065
- We should keep our shit
- to ourselves.
- 599
- 00:38:44,067 --> 00:38:46,199
- We are keeping it
- to ourselves.
- 600
- 00:38:46,201 --> 00:38:50,464
- Besides, it's human nature to find pain in
- any situation, however relatively fortunate.
- 601
- 00:38:50,466 --> 00:38:52,598
- That doesn't
- make it listenable.
- 602
- 00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:56,165
- Well, I'm sorry if my brand of pain
- is out of vogue, but it's all I got.
- 603
- 00:38:56,167 --> 00:38:58,732
- It would be so much more
- interesting and fantastic
- 604
- 00:38:58,734 --> 00:39:00,999
- if we had been
- fondled by priests
- 605
- 00:39:01,001 --> 00:39:03,932
- or lost a leg but could
- still feel it or something.
- 606
- 00:39:05,700 --> 00:39:09,497
- My theory about
- myself is that my soma
- 607
- 00:39:09,499 --> 00:39:13,632
- is sending me a Darwinian
- message telling me,
- 608
- 00:39:13,634 --> 00:39:16,899
- "Hey, you're unfit to pass your
- DNA on to future generations,
- 609
- 00:39:16,901 --> 00:39:18,932
- so you should just select out."
- 610
- 00:39:18,934 --> 00:39:21,698
- Well, just keep doing
- what you're doing.
- 611
- 00:39:21,700 --> 00:39:24,099
- But I have
- so much to give.
- 612
- 00:39:24,101 --> 00:39:25,734
- Not really.
- 613
- 00:39:27,067 --> 00:39:29,765
- Holy shit, Frank.
- What is that?
- 614
- 00:39:29,767 --> 00:39:31,497
- I think it's a mountain lion.
- 615
- 00:39:31,499 --> 00:39:34,765
- - Could it be a jaguar?
- - I don't know. I'm not a zookeeper.
- 616
- 00:39:34,767 --> 00:39:36,798
- It's too big for an
- ocelot or a bearcat,
- 617
- 00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:38,798
- but too small
- for a panther, I think.
- 618
- 00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:41,199
- What the fuck difference does it make
- what it is? It's a fucking predator cat.
- 619
- 00:39:41,201 --> 00:39:42,765
- A cougar, maybe?
- 620
- 00:39:42,767 --> 00:39:44,865
- - Jesus Christ.
- - I don't know what you're worried about.
- 621
- 00:39:44,867 --> 00:39:46,565
- - It's gonna go for me.
- - Why?
- 622
- 00:39:46,567 --> 00:39:48,798
- I saw a thing. They pick out
- the smallest of the herd.
- 623
- 00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:50,132
- We're not a herd,
- we're wedding guests.
- 624
- 00:39:50,134 --> 00:39:52,165
- I'm telling you,
- you're safe if you just run.
- 625
- 00:39:52,167 --> 00:39:53,632
- You run.
- I'll stay here and fight.
- 626
- 00:39:53,634 --> 00:39:55,099
- Uh, yeah,
- but I'm not a sprinter.
- 627
- 00:39:55,101 --> 00:39:57,865
- I run for distance, so it
- gives me a certain clarity...
- 628
- 00:39:57,867 --> 00:39:59,498
- Yes, all right.
- 629
- 00:39:59,500 --> 00:40:00,832
- You run.
- I'll stay here and fight.
- 630
- 00:40:00,834 --> 00:40:03,065
- How about if we both run
- and nobody stays and fights?
- 631
- 00:40:03,067 --> 00:40:04,765
- Neither one of us
- can outrun a cheetah.
- 632
- 00:40:04,767 --> 00:40:06,565
- It's not a fucking cheetah.
- We're not in Africa.
- 633
- 00:40:06,567 --> 00:40:08,732
- They're also in Iran,
- I think it said.
- 634
- 00:40:08,734 --> 00:40:10,199
- They won't even
- hear us scream.
- 635
- 00:40:10,201 --> 00:40:11,999
- I hate those
- fucking people.
- 636
- 00:40:12,001 --> 00:40:14,598
- On the plus side,
- you'll be ruining Keith's wedding.
- 637
- 00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:17,132
- - That's true.
- - Unless they don't find us for weeks.
- 638
- 00:40:17,134 --> 00:40:19,965
- And then only in pieces, some of
- which were brought back to its lair.
- 639
- 00:40:21,600 --> 00:40:23,232
- Last chance on the running.
- 640
- 00:40:23,234 --> 00:40:26,199
- I can't believe you're the last human
- person I'm ever gonna talk to.
- 641
- 00:40:26,201 --> 00:40:27,765
- There might be EMTs.
- 642
- 00:40:27,767 --> 00:40:30,565
- Yeah, but I might
- be a hemophiliac.
- 643
- 00:40:30,567 --> 00:40:32,565
- Might be?
- Don't you know that already?
- 644
- 00:40:32,567 --> 00:40:36,531
- Well, no, because you can get things
- as an adult, like adult onset asthma.
- 645
- 00:40:36,533 --> 00:40:38,834
- My friend Suzanne has that...
- 646
- 00:40:54,667 --> 00:40:57,199
- - Now we run!
- - Oh!
- 647
- 00:40:57,201 --> 00:40:59,598
- - That was good, Frank.
- - My throat is really raw.
- 648
- 00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:00,999
- But why are
- we still running?
- 649
- 00:41:01,001 --> 00:41:02,365
- Because I don't
- think it's a bad idea
- 650
- 00:41:02,367 --> 00:41:05,199
- to put as much distance between us
- and the mountain lion as possible.
- 651
- 00:41:05,201 --> 00:41:06,698
- It might've
- been a lynx!
- 652
- 00:41:06,700 --> 00:41:07,999
- It would be so
- ironic if I strangled you.
- 653
- 00:41:08,001 --> 00:41:10,231
- Why do you have to ruin
- a nice moment!
- 654
- 00:41:10,233 --> 00:41:13,832
- - Ow!
- - Ah, fuck! Ah, fuck!
- 655
- 00:41:13,834 --> 00:41:16,899
- - Ow! Ow!
- - Fuck! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!
- 656
- 00:41:16,901 --> 00:41:18,167
- Ah!
- 657
- 00:41:20,467 --> 00:41:22,399
- Okay. Oh.
- 658
- 00:41:25,233 --> 00:41:27,500
- For the record,
- you ruined the moment, not me.
- 659
- 00:41:30,901 --> 00:41:32,467
- Lindsay?
- 660
- 00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:35,134
- Lindsay?
- 661
- 00:41:37,500 --> 00:41:41,465
- I'm fine!
- For God's sake. Jesus.
- 662
- 00:41:41,467 --> 00:41:44,865
- - Great.
- - I just had the wind knocked out of me.
- 663
- 00:41:44,867 --> 00:41:46,765
- Okay, good.
- 664
- 00:41:46,767 --> 00:41:50,099
- It was good, because you didn't have
- the first clue what you were doing.
- 665
- 00:41:50,101 --> 00:41:52,932
- Hey, it's been a while
- since health class.
- 666
- 00:41:52,934 --> 00:41:55,832
- Yeah, well, if you thought
- I had a cervical injury,
- 667
- 00:41:55,834 --> 00:41:58,132
- the last thing you're supposed
- to do is flip a person over
- 668
- 00:41:58,134 --> 00:42:00,065
- like a fuckin' pancake.
- 669
- 00:42:00,067 --> 00:42:04,732
- - I'm sorry.
- - But on the other hand, you did save me.
- 670
- 00:42:04,734 --> 00:42:05,932
- Us.
- 671
- 00:42:05,934 --> 00:42:08,665
- I told you,
- it would have gone for me.
- 672
- 00:42:08,667 --> 00:42:11,465
- Why did you do that?
- Why did you save me?
- 673
- 00:42:11,467 --> 00:42:12,467
- I didn't save you.
- 674
- 00:42:13,567 --> 00:42:15,099
- Why did you save me?
- 675
- 00:42:15,101 --> 00:42:16,632
- Because I'm an idiot.
- 676
- 00:42:16,634 --> 00:42:20,032
- - You could've died.
- - Of idiocy.
- 677
- 00:42:20,034 --> 00:42:22,001
- Don't tell me
- you're secretly noble.
- 678
- 00:42:22,967 --> 00:42:24,164
- I'm not.
- 679
- 00:42:24,166 --> 00:42:25,531
- But I thought,
- "Maybe she's right.
- 680
- 00:42:25,533 --> 00:42:26,899
- Maybe hers
- is the life in danger.
- 681
- 00:42:26,901 --> 00:42:29,598
- She seems to know
- fuckin' everything."
- 682
- 00:42:29,600 --> 00:42:33,065
- And I didn't want to feel guilty for the
- rest of my life about not having saved you.
- 683
- 00:42:33,067 --> 00:42:34,698
- I get that.
- 684
- 00:42:34,700 --> 00:42:38,465
- - I didn't want to think of myself as selfish.
- - Frank.
- 685
- 00:42:38,467 --> 00:42:42,565
- As <i>that</i> selfish. Not on top of everything
- else I already think about myself.
- 686
- 00:42:42,567 --> 00:42:44,865
- Copy you.
- 687
- 00:42:44,867 --> 00:42:47,465
- 'Cause it's not like
- I have so much to live for.
- 688
- 00:42:47,467 --> 00:42:49,634
- Yeah, well,
- that's true.
- 689
- 00:42:50,967 --> 00:42:52,467
- Well, anyway, thank you.
- 690
- 00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:01,198
- What the fuck, Frank?
- 691
- 00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:02,832
- I'm sorry.
- I don't know what that was.
- 692
- 00:43:02,834 --> 00:43:05,101
- Neither do I,
- for fuck's sake. Jesus.
- 693
- 00:43:08,967 --> 00:43:11,065
- - Goddamn it!
- - I'm sorry.
- 694
- 00:43:11,067 --> 00:43:13,634
- - What is wrong with you?
- - I don't know.
- 695
- 00:43:19,233 --> 00:43:20,832
- What the fuck?
- 696
- 00:43:20,834 --> 00:43:22,133
- Let's just...
- Come on.
- 697
- 00:43:24,867 --> 00:43:25,867
- Mmm.
- 698
- 00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:31,001
- Can't... Just put it on...
- 699
- 00:43:33,700 --> 00:43:35,665
- I'm sorry.
- 700
- 00:43:35,667 --> 00:43:38,999
- I'm sorry,
- it's just very difficult
- 701
- 00:43:39,001 --> 00:43:41,899
- for me to give myself over to
- any sort of positive activity.
- 702
- 00:43:41,901 --> 00:43:45,164
- Yeah.
- Especially this one.
- 703
- 00:43:45,166 --> 00:43:47,198
- It makes me think about how
- long I've gone without it,
- 704
- 00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:49,164
- which makes me
- want to kill myself.
- 705
- 00:43:49,166 --> 00:43:52,531
- Yeah, well, I've been pretty
- sure for a very long time
- 706
- 00:43:52,533 --> 00:43:54,999
- that life is essentially
- a horrible experience,
- 707
- 00:43:55,001 --> 00:43:56,965
- and I really don't need
- this kind of confusion.
- 708
- 00:43:56,967 --> 00:43:58,765
- - And pressure.
- - Yeah.
- 709
- 00:43:58,767 --> 00:43:59,932
- I mean, if it all sucks,
- then fuck it,
- 710
- 00:43:59,934 --> 00:44:02,965
- but if it doesn't all suck,
- then there's so much pressure.
- 711
- 00:44:02,967 --> 00:44:04,665
- Yeah.
- 712
- 00:44:04,667 --> 00:44:07,032
- God, do you even know
- how long it's been
- 713
- 00:44:07,034 --> 00:44:10,698
- since I've been touched with
- affection by another human being?
- 714
- 00:44:10,700 --> 00:44:12,865
- How about without affection?
- 715
- 00:44:12,867 --> 00:44:14,732
- Nearly as long.
- 716
- 00:44:14,734 --> 00:44:18,665
- I tell you right now, I haven't
- felt pleasure since about 2006.
- 717
- 00:44:18,667 --> 00:44:21,064
- Sometimes, I feel
- the absence of pain,
- 718
- 00:44:21,066 --> 00:44:23,531
- which at this point
- feels like pleasure,
- 719
- 00:44:23,533 --> 00:44:26,001
- or at least pleasure's
- little cousin.
- 720
- 00:44:26,934 --> 00:44:28,565
- I don't have protection.
- 721
- 00:44:28,567 --> 00:44:29,698
- Well, why would you?
- 722
- 00:44:29,700 --> 00:44:32,064
- I mean, why would you
- have a condom today?
- 723
- 00:44:32,066 --> 00:44:34,632
- What are the odds?
- Astronomical.
- 724
- 00:44:34,634 --> 00:44:37,765
- - What if you got pregnant?
- - I'm sure my womb is hostile.
- 725
- 00:44:37,767 --> 00:44:40,498
- Having sex right now
- would be irresponsible.
- 726
- 00:44:40,500 --> 00:44:42,164
- Well, who cares?
- 727
- 00:44:42,166 --> 00:44:44,500
- I mean, how much worse
- can things get?
- 728
- 00:44:45,967 --> 00:44:47,899
- - Okay.
- - Yeah?
- 729
- 00:44:47,901 --> 00:44:49,000
- Okay.
- 730
- 00:45:00,934 --> 00:45:02,565
- Okay.
- 731
- 00:45:02,567 --> 00:45:05,632
- Okay.
- 732
- 00:45:05,634 --> 00:45:07,199
- Okay.
- 733
- 00:45:07,201 --> 00:45:09,565
- All right.
- 734
- 00:45:10,934 --> 00:45:13,834
- Yeah, yeah, yeah...
- 735
- 00:45:23,100 --> 00:45:24,100
- Okay.
- 736
- 00:45:27,634 --> 00:45:28,698
- How's that?
- 737
- 00:45:28,700 --> 00:45:30,064
- That's fine.
- 738
- 00:45:32,500 --> 00:45:35,498
- Do you think the mountain lion
- will be attracted to the musk?
- 739
- 00:45:35,500 --> 00:45:37,465
- I think it was a puma.
- 740
- 00:45:38,567 --> 00:45:39,964
- How is it now?
- 741
- 00:45:39,966 --> 00:45:43,732
- It feels strange
- yet pleasantly familiar,
- 742
- 00:45:43,734 --> 00:45:47,167
- kind of like coming off a long
- diet or going back to smoking.
- 743
- 00:45:49,100 --> 00:45:50,899
- How about now?
- 744
- 00:45:50,901 --> 00:45:52,732
- Do you have
- any diseases?
- 745
- 00:45:52,734 --> 00:45:54,064
- Of course not.
- 746
- 00:45:54,066 --> 00:45:56,064
- I missed every
- possible sexual revolution.
- 747
- 00:45:56,066 --> 00:45:58,698
- The first one,
- the one after Tinder,
- 748
- 00:45:58,700 --> 00:46:01,232
- - the one after Caitlyn Jenner...
- - Me, too.
- 749
- 00:46:04,201 --> 00:46:05,832
- Crabs.
- 750
- 00:46:05,834 --> 00:46:07,765
- You have crabs?
- 751
- 00:46:07,767 --> 00:46:09,098
- No, actual crabs.
- 752
- 00:46:09,100 --> 00:46:10,665
- Over there.
- 753
- 00:46:10,667 --> 00:46:12,865
- Those aren't crabs,
- those are tarantulas.
- 754
- 00:46:12,867 --> 00:46:13,964
- They look like crabs.
- 755
- 00:46:13,966 --> 00:46:15,064
- No, they don't.
- 756
- 00:46:15,066 --> 00:46:17,565
- And besides,
- they don't attack humans.
- 757
- 00:46:17,567 --> 00:46:18,998
- Now you're just
- making shit up.
- 758
- 00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:21,531
- Oh, yes, for the thrill
- of fucking you.
- 759
- 00:46:21,533 --> 00:46:23,798
- - Let's get it over with.
- - Fine.
- 760
- 00:46:27,900 --> 00:46:31,099
- My mother used to tell me to always
- use two condoms when you have sex.
- 761
- 00:46:31,101 --> 00:46:32,832
- The second one
- always had to be bigger.
- 762
- 00:46:32,834 --> 00:46:35,498
- - It looked like a wind sock.
- - That's so stupid.
- 763
- 00:46:35,500 --> 00:46:38,232
- Each condom would cause
- the other one to break.
- 764
- 00:46:38,234 --> 00:46:41,232
- A fact discovered, astraddle,
- in the summer after 12th grade,
- 765
- 00:46:41,234 --> 00:46:44,832
- by a nice girl named Auden
- who had no quarrel with anyone.
- 766
- 00:46:44,834 --> 00:46:46,732
- She ran screaming
- from our rec room.
- 767
- 00:46:46,734 --> 00:46:49,064
- Of course, you had sex
- in your rec room.
- 768
- 00:46:49,066 --> 00:46:51,099
- We had a Nutone intercom system.
- 769
- 00:46:51,101 --> 00:46:53,632
- The master control
- was in the kitchen.
- 770
- 00:46:53,634 --> 00:46:56,698
- My parents could listen and talk to
- any room in the house from there.
- 771
- 00:46:56,700 --> 00:46:59,665
- I used to call the kitchen
- "The Eagle's Nest."
- 772
- 00:46:59,667 --> 00:47:01,099
- When my father heard
- Auden wailing,
- 773
- 00:47:01,101 --> 00:47:03,498
- he screamed
- through the intercom,
- 774
- 00:47:03,500 --> 00:47:05,698
- "What the fuck
- is going on down there?"
- 775
- 00:47:05,700 --> 00:47:06,732
- I said what happened.
- 776
- 00:47:06,734 --> 00:47:08,232
- There was a pause,
- 777
- 00:47:08,234 --> 00:47:10,931
- and then my mother said,
- "Dinner's ready."
- 778
- 00:47:10,933 --> 00:47:12,832
- Your mother cooked?
- 779
- 00:47:12,834 --> 00:47:14,698
- On the off-chance
- that we are making a baby,
- 780
- 00:47:14,700 --> 00:47:15,964
- do you want a boy
- or a girl?
- 781
- 00:47:15,966 --> 00:47:17,998
- You're asking me this now?
- 782
- 00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:20,099
- I'm killing time.
- 783
- 00:47:20,101 --> 00:47:22,598
- Uh, a boy.
- 784
- 00:47:22,600 --> 00:47:25,531
- My mother actually told
- me there's a way to get a boy.
- 785
- 00:47:25,533 --> 00:47:27,598
- - Oh, this ought to be good.
- - Yeah.
- 786
- 00:47:27,600 --> 00:47:31,832
- At the moment of climax, just
- shout out, "Oh, boy! Oh, boy!"
- 787
- 00:47:31,834 --> 00:47:34,565
- Can we please stop
- talking about your mother.
- 788
- 00:47:34,567 --> 00:47:36,698
- But I don't know why
- you'd possibly want a boy,
- 789
- 00:47:36,700 --> 00:47:38,132
- considering, you know,
- 790
- 00:47:38,134 --> 00:47:40,964
- the baseline quality of
- your relationships with men.
- 791
- 00:47:40,966 --> 00:47:42,964
- Oh. What, revenge?
- 792
- 00:47:45,234 --> 00:47:47,665
- Oh, Jesus, Frank!
- 793
- 00:47:47,667 --> 00:47:50,598
- Jesus effing Christ!
- 794
- 00:47:53,134 --> 00:47:55,798
- Oh, God, you look like
- you're gonna throw up!
- 795
- 00:47:55,800 --> 00:47:57,831
- Why would I?
- You're a very attractive woman.
- 796
- 00:47:57,833 --> 00:47:59,665
- Not from that.
- 797
- 00:47:59,667 --> 00:48:00,898
- Oh, right,
- sorry.
- 798
- 00:48:00,900 --> 00:48:02,199
- Oh, God!
- 799
- 00:48:02,201 --> 00:48:04,598
- No!
- No, no, no, no!
- 800
- 00:48:04,600 --> 00:48:06,465
- - No?
- - No, not "no."
- 801
- 00:48:06,467 --> 00:48:07,898
- I'm just
- a very negative person.
- 802
- 00:48:07,900 --> 00:48:09,032
- Okay.
- 803
- 00:48:09,034 --> 00:48:11,032
- I'm expressing
- incredulity!
- 804
- 00:48:11,034 --> 00:48:12,831
- Got it.
- 805
- 00:48:12,833 --> 00:48:14,232
- - No!
- - Ah!
- 806
- 00:48:14,234 --> 00:48:16,831
- No! No! No!
- No! No!
- 807
- 00:48:16,833 --> 00:48:18,931
- Oh, boy!
- Oh, boy!
- 808
- 00:48:18,933 --> 00:48:20,665
- Oh, boy!
- 809
- 00:48:20,667 --> 00:48:24,632
- Yeah!
- Oh, boy!
- 810
- 00:48:30,833 --> 00:48:32,632
- Anytime, pal.
- 811
- 00:48:32,634 --> 00:48:33,964
- Can you not talk right now?
- 812
- 00:48:33,966 --> 00:48:35,465
- Fine.
- 813
- 00:48:35,467 --> 00:48:37,931
- - It's gonna get cold out.
- - No, it won't.
- 814
- 00:48:37,933 --> 00:48:40,199
- Yes, it will.
- It's the Paso Robles Diurnal.
- 815
- 00:48:40,201 --> 00:48:42,898
- There's
- sweeping wind temperatures.
- 816
- 00:48:42,900 --> 00:48:44,831
- Don't you know anything
- about meteorology?
- 817
- 00:48:44,833 --> 00:48:46,864
- No!
- 818
- 00:48:46,866 --> 00:48:49,132
- Oh, God. Kelp.
- 819
- 00:48:49,134 --> 00:48:51,065
- - Help?
- - No, kelp.
- 820
- 00:48:51,067 --> 00:48:53,665
- There's kelp at
- or near my vagina.
- 821
- 00:48:53,667 --> 00:48:56,032
- Oh, that's grass.
- We're in grass.
- 822
- 00:48:56,034 --> 00:48:57,598
- How is that better?
- 823
- 00:48:57,600 --> 00:48:59,640
- You put the ocean in my head
- with the fucking crabs.
- 824
- 00:49:28,567 --> 00:49:29,797
- What?
- 825
- 00:49:29,799 --> 00:49:31,467
- I had a purse.
- 826
- 00:49:37,201 --> 00:49:39,132
- Do you want a drink?
- 827
- 00:49:39,134 --> 00:49:42,165
- I want all the drinks poured
- directly down my gullet.
- 828
- 00:49:42,167 --> 00:49:45,132
- Why don't we go to your room
- and crack open your minibar?
- 829
- 00:49:45,134 --> 00:49:46,632
- Why don't we
- go to your room
- 830
- 00:49:46,634 --> 00:49:49,099
- and crack open
- your goddamn minibar?
- 831
- 00:49:49,101 --> 00:49:51,697
- Frank.
- We're alive.
- 832
- 00:49:51,699 --> 00:49:53,600
- What does that have
- to do with anything?
- 833
- 00:50:16,667 --> 00:50:18,831
- - How do you know the words to this?
- - Come on.
- 834
- 00:50:28,833 --> 00:50:32,132
- What?
- 835
- 00:50:34,067 --> 00:50:35,697
- <i>But at some point,</i>
- 836
- 00:50:35,699 --> 00:50:38,132
- <i>don't you think it just starts
- to look a little ridiculous?</i>
- 837
- 00:50:38,134 --> 00:50:41,531
- <i>Think about it, this guy was formally
- the head of the committee...</i>
- 838
- 00:50:41,533 --> 00:50:43,764
- "Formerly," not "form-ally."
- 839
- 00:50:43,766 --> 00:50:45,400
- I know, it's appalling.
- 840
- 00:50:46,766 --> 00:50:48,831
- Seriously, the chocolate?
- 841
- 00:50:48,833 --> 00:50:52,032
- We're not going to drink without eating.
- Alcoholics do that.
- 842
- 00:50:52,034 --> 00:50:53,899
- The chocolate
- is the most expensive thing
- 843
- 00:50:53,901 --> 00:50:55,232
- in the minibar
- besides the...
- 844
- 00:50:55,234 --> 00:50:57,531
- wine.
- 845
- 00:50:57,533 --> 00:50:59,565
- Would you rather we had
- ordered room service?
- 846
- 00:50:59,567 --> 00:51:00,865
- Definitely not.
- 847
- 00:51:00,867 --> 00:51:02,865
- I spoke to the front desk.
- 848
- 00:51:02,867 --> 00:51:05,697
- They add a delivery fee,
- a 17 percent gratuity,
- 849
- 00:51:05,699 --> 00:51:08,631
- and some sort of fuckin' cover
- charge, like we're in Italy.
- 850
- 00:51:08,633 --> 00:51:12,165
- I've always wondered why
- they give you two glasses
- 851
- 00:51:12,167 --> 00:51:13,965
- even when
- you're traveling alone.
- 852
- 00:51:13,967 --> 00:51:16,697
- Because one
- would be so sad.
- 853
- 00:51:16,699 --> 00:51:18,132
- Here's to...
- What?
- 854
- 00:51:18,134 --> 00:51:19,733
- Please.
- 855
- 00:51:33,834 --> 00:51:36,132
- It's not hashish.
- 856
- 00:51:36,134 --> 00:51:38,764
- I'm not wearing anything
- under my pajamas.
- 857
- 00:51:38,766 --> 00:51:40,565
- Why would you?
- They're so alluring.
- 858
- 00:51:40,567 --> 00:51:43,597
- I didn't think I was gonna
- be intimate this weekend.
- 859
- 00:51:43,599 --> 00:51:44,965
- Or any weekend.
- 860
- 00:51:44,967 --> 00:51:47,165
- Superman couldn't see
- through those pajamas.
- 861
- 00:51:47,167 --> 00:51:48,531
- So you tried.
- 862
- 00:51:48,533 --> 00:51:51,132
- People have jousted
- in lighter clothing.
- 863
- 00:51:51,134 --> 00:51:53,165
- - Frank?
- - Present.
- 864
- 00:51:53,167 --> 00:51:56,099
- When you said before that
- I was an attractive woman,
- 865
- 00:51:56,101 --> 00:51:57,731
- what did you mean?
- 866
- 00:51:57,733 --> 00:51:59,465
- What do you mean
- what did I mean?
- 867
- 00:51:59,467 --> 00:52:01,498
- You're an attractive woman.
- You're physically appealing.
- 868
- 00:52:01,500 --> 00:52:02,901
- Can you be more specific?
- 869
- 00:52:04,599 --> 00:52:07,899
- Your facial features
- subscribe to the Golden Ratio.
- 870
- 00:52:07,901 --> 00:52:09,564
- What?
- 871
- 00:52:09,566 --> 00:52:12,564
- One to the quantity one half
- times radical five plus one.
- 872
- 00:52:12,566 --> 00:52:13,932
- The Golden Ratio.
- 873
- 00:52:13,934 --> 00:52:15,498
- You can tell that?
- 874
- 00:52:15,500 --> 00:52:17,099
- It's an estimate.
- 875
- 00:52:17,101 --> 00:52:19,531
- And you have
- The Folds of Aphrodite.
- 876
- 00:52:19,533 --> 00:52:21,731
- What are the Folds
- of Aphrodite?
- 877
- 00:52:21,733 --> 00:52:23,731
- That's the name of the
- particular, graceful way
- 878
- 00:52:23,733 --> 00:52:25,099
- that the cheeks
- of beautiful women
- 879
- 00:52:25,101 --> 00:52:27,731
- arrange themselves
- when they smile.
- 880
- 00:52:27,733 --> 00:52:31,132
- There's a gentle creasing
- that begins at the cheekbone
- 881
- 00:52:31,134 --> 00:52:34,032
- and runs downward,
- in a slightly arced diagonal,
- 882
- 00:52:34,034 --> 00:52:37,232
- directing the eye
- to the mouth.
- 883
- 00:52:37,234 --> 00:52:39,467
- It's aesthetically thrilling.
- 884
- 00:52:41,633 --> 00:52:45,132
- Well...
- I've never heard the term
- 885
- 00:52:45,134 --> 00:52:46,965
- "Folds of Aphrodite."
- 886
- 00:52:46,967 --> 00:52:48,732
- I coined it.
- 887
- 00:52:48,734 --> 00:52:50,664
- Then it's not a real thing.
- 888
- 00:52:50,666 --> 00:52:53,132
- Then it and you
- are bullshit.
- 889
- 00:52:53,134 --> 00:52:55,865
- I googled around and there was
- no name for it so I coined it.
- 890
- 00:52:55,867 --> 00:52:58,732
- - It's established now.
- - Bullshit.
- 891
- 00:52:58,734 --> 00:53:02,232
- In my experience, there's at least a 90
- percent correlation between beautiful women
- 892
- 00:53:02,234 --> 00:53:04,932
- - and women who have The Folds of Aphrodite.
- - Oh...
- 893
- 00:53:04,934 --> 00:53:07,865
- The Folds cut across races
- and ethnicities.
- 894
- 00:53:07,867 --> 00:53:09,467
- What else about me?
- 895
- 00:53:10,532 --> 00:53:11,798
- Well...
- 896
- 00:53:15,934 --> 00:53:17,698
- you're slender,
- 897
- 00:53:17,700 --> 00:53:20,465
- but not to the point of a
- troubled relationship with food.
- 898
- 00:53:20,467 --> 00:53:22,597
- That's actionable profiling,
- right there.
- 899
- 00:53:22,599 --> 00:53:24,597
- File a grievance.
- 900
- 00:53:24,599 --> 00:53:28,032
- And your curves are very
- sexy but not vulgar.
- 901
- 00:53:28,034 --> 00:53:30,032
- Everything very much
- in proportion,
- 902
- 00:53:30,034 --> 00:53:32,199
- firm but not overly,
- 903
- 00:53:32,201 --> 00:53:35,564
- which I've always found
- weird and prepossessing.
- 904
- 00:53:35,566 --> 00:53:38,732
- Your arms bespeak physical
- fitness and athleticism,
- 905
- 00:53:38,734 --> 00:53:40,530
- but nothing sapphic.
- 906
- 00:53:40,532 --> 00:53:43,665
- And your ankles quietly aver
- 907
- 00:53:43,667 --> 00:53:46,732
- that you will keep your body
- well into later age.
- 908
- 00:53:46,734 --> 00:53:49,832
- It's despicable
- the way men look at women.
- 909
- 00:53:49,834 --> 00:53:54,599
- In short, you are beautiful,
- graceful, and elegant.
- 910
- 00:53:56,101 --> 00:53:59,665
- Also, you don't dress
- in an overtly sexy way.
- 911
- 00:53:59,667 --> 00:54:01,832
- You seem to understand
- that dressing sexy
- 912
- 00:54:01,834 --> 00:54:04,631
- is actually the opposite
- of being sexy,
- 913
- 00:54:04,633 --> 00:54:06,865
- that certain information
- should have to be earned,
- 914
- 00:54:06,867 --> 00:54:08,732
- rather than given away
- for free
- 915
- 00:54:08,734 --> 00:54:11,631
- to anyone and everyone
- who passeth by your doorstep.
- 916
- 00:54:11,633 --> 00:54:13,798
- If this were 1732.
- 917
- 00:54:13,800 --> 00:54:15,165
- I'm giving you
- a compliment.
- 918
- 00:54:15,167 --> 00:54:16,665
- You're calling me
- a prude.
- 919
- 00:54:16,667 --> 00:54:18,798
- I'm suggesting that
- you've taken the high road.
- 920
- 00:54:18,800 --> 00:54:20,965
- Even in this flagrant,
- flaunting day and age,
- 921
- 00:54:20,967 --> 00:54:23,199
- you have chosen
- to preserve the mystery.
- 922
- 00:54:23,201 --> 00:54:27,901
- Yes, the pajamas go too far,
- but I applaud the ethos.
- 923
- 00:54:30,001 --> 00:54:32,497
- - Would you like to know about you?
- - No.
- 924
- 00:54:32,499 --> 00:54:33,734
- Yes, you would.
- 925
- 00:54:35,700 --> 00:54:37,632
- You're very handsome.
- 926
- 00:54:37,634 --> 00:54:40,632
- You have powerful eyes.
- 927
- 00:54:40,634 --> 00:54:43,632
- Your hair
- will never be a problem.
- 928
- 00:54:43,634 --> 00:54:46,732
- The corners
- of your mouth touch
- 929
- 00:54:46,734 --> 00:54:51,132
- but do not cross the vertical
- lines which bisect your eyes.
- 930
- 00:54:51,134 --> 00:54:54,497
- In profile, your chin extends
- exactly the same as your lower lip,
- 931
- 00:54:54,499 --> 00:54:56,464
- which is an ideal.
- 932
- 00:54:56,466 --> 00:55:01,497
- Bodily, you feel strong and
- substantial, sinuous but not wiry.
- 933
- 00:55:01,499 --> 00:55:03,232
- Sartorially,
- you get high marks.
- 934
- 00:55:03,234 --> 00:55:04,965
- You tuck in your shirts
- because you realize
- 935
- 00:55:04,967 --> 00:55:07,999
- that tails out is
- a ridiculous way to dress.
- 936
- 00:55:08,001 --> 00:55:10,899
- You wear your pants low, and
- your shoes are legitimate.
- 937
- 00:55:10,901 --> 00:55:14,965
- And you have
- a beautiful penis.
- 938
- 00:55:14,967 --> 00:55:16,665
- I do?
- 939
- 00:55:16,667 --> 00:55:18,132
- Oh, come on, Frank.
- 940
- 00:55:18,134 --> 00:55:21,001
- Surely people have told you
- that your entire life.
- 941
- 00:55:22,167 --> 00:55:23,565
- No.
- 942
- 00:55:23,567 --> 00:55:25,899
- Well, it's very nice.
- 943
- 00:55:25,901 --> 00:55:27,565
- It's straight,
- 944
- 00:55:27,567 --> 00:55:30,099
- and you would not believe how
- epidemic a problem that is.
- 945
- 00:55:30,101 --> 00:55:33,899
- Also,
- it's balletically formed.
- 946
- 00:55:33,901 --> 00:55:39,199
- It's not so big as to ever
- be a cause for concern,
- 947
- 00:55:39,201 --> 00:55:42,899
- but it's big enough never to be
- the object of ridicule or scorn.
- 948
- 00:55:42,901 --> 00:55:45,899
- You're in
- a very sweet spot there.
- 949
- 00:55:45,901 --> 00:55:48,732
- Are you saying that Keith's
- penis is not straight?
- 950
- 00:55:48,734 --> 00:55:52,530
- Can you imagine that we would
- have gone this entire weekend
- 951
- 00:55:52,532 --> 00:55:54,932
- without saying these
- things to each other?
- 952
- 00:55:54,934 --> 00:55:57,598
- - "Balletically formed"?
- - That's right.
- 953
- 00:55:57,600 --> 00:56:01,099
- People are
- ridiculous and pathetic.
- 954
- 00:56:01,101 --> 00:56:04,165
- Animals, that's all.
- 955
- 00:56:04,167 --> 00:56:07,999
- We want to believe that there's some
- high-minded, cosmic meaning behind love,
- 956
- 00:56:08,001 --> 00:56:09,698
- but the truth is
- we're drawn to,
- 957
- 00:56:09,700 --> 00:56:11,632
- and make most of our
- decisions based upon,
- 958
- 00:56:11,634 --> 00:56:15,865
- shapes we find appealing,
- and colors and textures
- 959
- 00:56:15,867 --> 00:56:19,531
- and smells and tastes
- and spatial relations.
- 960
- 00:56:19,533 --> 00:56:21,932
- It's so stupid.
- 961
- 00:56:21,934 --> 00:56:24,132
- This is pretty good.
- 962
- 00:56:24,134 --> 00:56:26,199
- I mean, when I think about
- what people look like
- 963
- 00:56:26,201 --> 00:56:29,832
- when they kiss or have sex,
- I want to vomit.
- 964
- 00:56:29,834 --> 00:56:31,732
- You almost did vomit.
- 965
- 00:56:31,734 --> 00:56:35,498
- I mean, there's nothing beautiful
- or transcendent about being human.
- 966
- 00:56:35,500 --> 00:56:37,999
- Ultimately,
- it's just a filthy business
- 967
- 00:56:38,001 --> 00:56:41,698
- of a revolting species
- trying to survive.
- 968
- 00:56:41,700 --> 00:56:44,531
- I mean, if you've ever really
- watched another person eat,
- 969
- 00:56:44,533 --> 00:56:46,665
- or seen yourself in a mirror
- taking a shit,
- 970
- 00:56:46,667 --> 00:56:49,531
- or walked through
- South Coast Plaza,
- 971
- 00:56:49,533 --> 00:56:51,531
- you know exactly
- what I'm talking about.
- 972
- 00:56:51,533 --> 00:56:54,165
- But I had my eyes open
- when I was fucking you,
- 973
- 00:56:54,167 --> 00:56:56,065
- and I thought we must
- have looked pretty good.
- 974
- 00:56:56,067 --> 00:56:58,999
- My father thought
- he had a good golf swing.
- 975
- 00:57:00,201 --> 00:57:01,500
- Wait.
- 976
- 00:57:04,234 --> 00:57:06,932
- Do a groove chew.
- 977
- 00:57:06,934 --> 00:57:08,765
- I'm sorry?
- 978
- 00:57:08,767 --> 00:57:10,765
- It's a style
- of chewing used
- 979
- 00:57:10,767 --> 00:57:12,565
- when you're really
- enjoying something
- 980
- 00:57:12,567 --> 00:57:14,632
- that you don't have
- very often.
- 981
- 00:57:14,634 --> 00:57:16,134
- Like this.
- 982
- 00:57:18,634 --> 00:57:19,634
- Mm!
- 983
- 00:57:21,067 --> 00:57:22,067
- Mm!
- 984
- 00:57:24,901 --> 00:57:27,132
- - This is a thing?
- - I coined it.
- 985
- 00:57:27,134 --> 00:57:29,498
- And you're not embarrassed?
- 986
- 00:57:29,500 --> 00:57:31,134
- All right, just come on.
- Just try.
- 987
- 00:57:34,634 --> 00:57:35,965
- - Mmm...
- - Mm.
- 988
- 00:57:35,967 --> 00:57:38,467
- - Mmm!
- - Mmm-mm!
- 989
- 00:57:45,167 --> 00:57:47,632
- - Can you groove swallow?
- - You can.
- 990
- 00:57:47,634 --> 00:57:49,734
- - Can we groove swallow now?
- - Okay, fine.
- 991
- 00:58:06,201 --> 00:58:07,901
- - Huh?
- - Uh...
- 992
- 00:58:14,134 --> 00:58:16,467
- <i>I remember the
- first time I ever saw you.</i>
- 993
- 00:58:17,634 --> 00:58:19,165
- <i>It was a partial nephrectomy.</i>
- 994
- 00:58:19,167 --> 00:58:22,567
- <i>You were standing in for Dr.
- Sumner who had an emergency.</i>
- 995
- 00:58:24,067 --> 00:58:25,798
- <i>With your cap and mask,</i>
- 996
- 00:58:25,800 --> 00:58:27,867
- <i>all I could see
- were your eyes.</i>
- 997
- 00:58:29,500 --> 00:58:31,001
- <i>And I remember thinking...</i>
- 998
- 00:58:31,967 --> 00:58:33,467
- <i>thank God.</i>
- 999
- 00:58:35,800 --> 00:58:38,531
- <i>Because anything more
- would be too much to bear.</i>
- 1000
- 00:58:38,533 --> 00:58:40,465
- Stop worrying
- about fucking each other
- 1001
- 00:58:40,467 --> 00:58:43,032
- and start saving the people
- who are dying in your hospital.
- 1002
- 00:58:43,034 --> 00:58:46,032
- Your patient has a
- snake in his urethra.
- 1003
- 00:58:46,034 --> 00:58:48,065
- You should all
- lose your licenses.
- 1004
- 00:58:48,067 --> 00:58:51,498
- When my time comes,
- I will sign a DNR.
- 1005
- 00:58:51,500 --> 00:58:53,965
- I won't.
- I want to be resuscitated.
- 1006
- 00:58:53,967 --> 00:58:57,065
- I want to be intubated, revived,
- retrieved, and prolonged.
- 1007
- 00:58:57,067 --> 00:58:58,531
- I want them
- to zap me with clappers
- 1008
- 00:58:58,533 --> 00:59:02,099
- and inject my heart with that long needle
- of adrenaline... whatever it takes.
- 1009
- 00:59:02,101 --> 00:59:04,132
- What? But, what if
- there's no hope?
- 1010
- 00:59:04,134 --> 00:59:05,598
- There's already no hope.
- 1011
- 00:59:05,600 --> 00:59:08,164
- But what if you're just
- a burden to your family
- 1012
- 00:59:08,166 --> 00:59:10,832
- and, by extension, the
- entire health-care system?
- 1013
- 00:59:10,834 --> 00:59:12,032
- Won't give a shit.
- 1014
- 00:59:12,034 --> 00:59:13,999
- I want them
- to stave off death.
- 1015
- 00:59:14,001 --> 00:59:16,665
- I don't care if there's turnips
- with better brain-wave patterns.
- 1016
- 00:59:16,667 --> 00:59:17,899
- Legumes.
- 1017
- 00:59:17,901 --> 00:59:19,765
- But I thought
- you hated life.
- 1018
- 00:59:19,767 --> 00:59:21,965
- I do, but I'm going to
- be dead for a long time,
- 1019
- 00:59:21,967 --> 00:59:23,899
- so there's no rush.
- 1020
- 00:59:23,901 --> 00:59:25,198
- Do you want
- to have children?
- 1021
- 00:59:25,200 --> 00:59:26,732
- I'd rather be dead
- in a ditch.
- 1022
- 00:59:26,734 --> 00:59:28,698
- Oh.
- 1023
- 00:59:28,700 --> 00:59:31,065
- I mean, why would I do
- that to those poor souls?
- 1024
- 00:59:31,067 --> 00:59:33,698
- Well, for the same reason
- you want to be resuscitated.
- 1025
- 00:59:33,700 --> 00:59:37,565
- Because being, as bad as it
- is, is better than not being.
- 1026
- 00:59:37,567 --> 00:59:39,698
- This is a horrible place
- to be.
- 1027
- 00:59:39,700 --> 00:59:41,965
- Central California,
- or the whole thing?
- 1028
- 00:59:41,967 --> 00:59:44,632
- I'm already alive.
- I already know shit.
- 1029
- 00:59:44,634 --> 00:59:46,598
- But unborn children
- are none the wiser
- 1030
- 00:59:46,600 --> 00:59:48,531
- and deserve to be protected
- from certain things,
- 1031
- 00:59:48,533 --> 00:59:49,999
- like being alive
- in the first place.
- 1032
- 00:59:50,001 --> 00:59:51,765
- That makes no sense.
- 1033
- 00:59:51,767 --> 00:59:53,932
- Living was not my choice.
- It was my mother's.
- 1034
- 00:59:53,934 --> 00:59:55,965
- Have you ever heard
- of anything more selfish?
- 1035
- 00:59:55,967 --> 00:59:58,665
- - I hope I'm not pregnant.
- - That's all I'm saying.
- 1036
- 00:59:58,667 --> 01:00:00,765
- Why did your father
- leave your mother?
- 1037
- 01:00:00,767 --> 01:00:01,932
- Because he could.
- 1038
- 01:00:01,934 --> 01:00:04,065
- Because he had the power
- of locomotion.
- 1039
- 01:00:04,067 --> 01:00:07,932
- Why did she keep and hyphenate
- both her divorced last names?
- 1040
- 01:00:07,934 --> 01:00:10,531
- Because she thought
- it made her sound aristocratic.
- 1041
- 01:00:10,533 --> 01:00:12,131
- Also, this way
- she gets all her mail.
- 1042
- 01:00:12,133 --> 01:00:16,098
- And what would you say
- is the major barrier
- 1043
- 01:00:16,100 --> 01:00:18,698
- to a warm relationship between
- you and your half-brother?
- 1044
- 01:00:18,700 --> 01:00:21,465
- He's a douchebag. Why are you
- asking me these questions?
- 1045
- 01:00:21,467 --> 01:00:23,598
- Just... I don't know.
- 1046
- 01:00:23,600 --> 01:00:27,632
- I'm just evaluating your qualifications
- as an ongoing love interest.
- 1047
- 01:00:27,634 --> 01:00:29,498
- Not that
- I'm advocating that.
- 1048
- 01:00:29,500 --> 01:00:32,098
- Clearly, you're an emotional
- cripple, as am I.
- 1049
- 01:00:32,100 --> 01:00:36,865
- I don't have any qualifications as an
- ongoing love interest and neither do you.
- 1050
- 01:00:36,867 --> 01:00:38,965
- But love interest
- is too strong a word.
- 1051
- 01:00:38,967 --> 01:00:40,899
- I, um... Affection.
- 1052
- 01:00:40,901 --> 01:00:42,531
- Interest.
- Tolerance interest.
- 1053
- 01:00:42,533 --> 01:00:44,531
- This isn't
- going to be ongoing.
- 1054
- 01:00:44,533 --> 01:00:46,698
- What, you've just decided
- that unilaterally?
- 1055
- 01:00:46,700 --> 01:00:49,098
- - For both our sakes.
- - I don't get a say?
- 1056
- 01:00:49,100 --> 01:00:51,765
- No, you have terrible judgment
- in this regard.
- 1057
- 01:00:51,767 --> 01:00:54,832
- What, but... I...
- 1058
- 01:00:54,834 --> 01:00:58,565
- My head is finally
- clear, thanks to you.
- 1059
- 01:00:58,567 --> 01:01:01,164
- I mean, I haven't thought about
- Keith since the mountain lion.
- 1060
- 01:01:01,166 --> 01:01:03,798
- So you admit
- it was a mountain lion.
- 1061
- 01:01:03,800 --> 01:01:06,665
- Do you have any idea
- how huge this is for me?
- 1062
- 01:01:06,667 --> 01:01:08,565
- If it's true,
- the mountain lion and I
- 1063
- 01:01:08,567 --> 01:01:10,965
- are happy to have
- performed that service.
- 1064
- 01:01:10,967 --> 01:01:14,565
- But now, apparently, no
- good deed goes unpunished.
- 1065
- 01:01:14,567 --> 01:01:16,698
- I think
- I finally have closure.
- 1066
- 01:01:16,700 --> 01:01:18,932
- I don't trust that statement
- and neither should you.
- 1067
- 01:01:18,934 --> 01:01:20,565
- But you want to.
- 1068
- 01:01:20,567 --> 01:01:22,798
- You don't just jump from one
- love object to another.
- 1069
- 01:01:22,800 --> 01:01:24,698
- - Tolerance object.
- - That's how mistakes are made.
- 1070
- 01:01:24,700 --> 01:01:26,465
- All I make are mistakes.
- 1071
- 01:01:26,467 --> 01:01:27,932
- At least this one
- would be fun.
- 1072
- 01:01:27,934 --> 01:01:29,598
- Are you having fun
- right now?
- 1073
- 01:01:29,600 --> 01:01:32,901
- Yes. I mean, we're kind of
- arguing, but there's hope.
- 1074
- 01:01:34,000 --> 01:01:35,832
- This is an interlude.
- 1075
- 01:01:35,834 --> 01:01:37,531
- A weekend.
- 1076
- 01:01:37,533 --> 01:01:40,098
- A small oasis of time
- in which we can taste intimacy
- 1077
- 01:01:40,100 --> 01:01:43,498
- like it's a piece of free
- salami at Trader Joe's.
- 1078
- 01:01:43,500 --> 01:01:46,665
- Why not? You're in the store anyway,
- and you forgot to eat breakfast,
- 1079
- 01:01:46,667 --> 01:01:50,031
- and it tastes okay, and afterwards
- there's no salami fallout.
- 1080
- 01:01:50,033 --> 01:01:53,531
- When no one's looking, you just
- drop the toothpick onto the floor.
- 1081
- 01:01:53,533 --> 01:01:56,232
- Man, you're not one of the...
- Do you do that?
- 1082
- 01:01:56,234 --> 01:01:58,098
- Well, there's no garbage
- pails in that place,
- 1083
- 01:01:58,100 --> 01:02:01,199
- and it's unsanitary to put the
- toothpick on the receptacle napkin.
- 1084
- 01:02:01,201 --> 01:02:03,064
- All right,
- le... just... Okay.
- 1085
- 01:02:03,066 --> 01:02:04,632
- Just... I'm just
- devil's advocate.
- 1086
- 01:02:04,634 --> 01:02:06,732
- Maybe...
- 1087
- 01:02:06,734 --> 01:02:08,465
- just what if, okay?
- 1088
- 01:02:08,467 --> 01:02:10,064
- What if it's more?
- 1089
- 01:02:10,066 --> 01:02:13,031
- What if there actually
- is something to the idea
- 1090
- 01:02:13,033 --> 01:02:14,899
- of a destination wedding?
- 1091
- 01:02:14,901 --> 01:02:18,531
- What if we've been thinking about
- this whole thing backwards?
- 1092
- 01:02:18,533 --> 01:02:20,698
- What if...
- 1093
- 01:02:20,700 --> 01:02:25,498
- I know, but what if our real
- destination was each other?
- 1094
- 01:02:25,500 --> 01:02:27,667
- What if you
- never say that again?
- 1095
- 01:02:29,667 --> 01:02:32,665
- What if happiness
- is... contagious?
- 1096
- 01:02:32,667 --> 01:02:34,098
- Why would you think
- that meeting someone
- 1097
- 01:02:34,100 --> 01:02:35,931
- has anything to do
- with being happy?
- 1098
- 01:02:35,933 --> 01:02:37,465
- Because!
- 1099
- 01:02:37,467 --> 01:02:39,064
- Once upon a time,
- I met someone,
- 1100
- 01:02:39,066 --> 01:02:41,232
- and I was happy...
- I thought.
- 1101
- 01:02:41,234 --> 01:02:43,565
- Personally, I'd be worried
- if my life philosophy
- 1102
- 01:02:43,567 --> 01:02:45,199
- began with
- "Once Upon a Time."
- 1103
- 01:02:45,201 --> 01:02:47,199
- Well, I was raised
- by optimists.
- 1104
- 01:02:47,201 --> 01:02:49,232
- But you have a preponderance
- of counter-evidence.
- 1105
- 01:02:49,234 --> 01:02:51,064
- Were you not watching
- your own engagement?
- 1106
- 01:02:51,066 --> 01:02:53,165
- - How could I have been?
- - What's wrong with you?
- 1107
- 01:02:53,167 --> 01:02:55,832
- Nothing. Sometimes I just
- willfully reject irony.
- 1108
- 01:02:55,834 --> 01:02:57,199
- You are doomed.
- 1109
- 01:02:57,201 --> 01:02:59,832
- Maybe we saved
- each other, Frank.
- 1110
- 01:02:59,834 --> 01:03:02,031
- I mean, did you ever
- think about it like that?
- 1111
- 01:03:02,033 --> 01:03:04,698
- No. Neither should you.
- 1112
- 01:03:04,700 --> 01:03:07,531
- I wonder how many
- people met at weddings
- 1113
- 01:03:07,533 --> 01:03:09,931
- - and then went on to...
- - Thirty-two.
- 1114
- 01:03:09,933 --> 01:03:12,832
- Why not, you know,
- extend the oasis?
- 1115
- 01:03:12,834 --> 01:03:15,165
- A good day here,
- a good day there,
- 1116
- 01:03:15,167 --> 01:03:18,498
- pretty soon you're just talking
- about a couple of good days.
- 1117
- 01:03:18,500 --> 01:03:20,498
- What time does our flight
- land tomorrow night?
- 1118
- 01:03:20,500 --> 01:03:22,099
- I don't know,
- about 7:30?
- 1119
- 01:03:22,101 --> 01:03:25,465
- I will extend it until
- tomorrow at about 7:30.
- 1120
- 01:03:25,467 --> 01:03:28,898
- Well, there's no point in
- extending it another four seconds
- 1121
- 01:03:28,900 --> 01:03:31,798
- if you're not gonna keep your
- mind open to the possibilities.
- 1122
- 01:03:31,800 --> 01:03:33,931
- Why do people need the
- dangled carrot of a future?
- 1123
- 01:03:33,933 --> 01:03:35,132
- Because we do.
- 1124
- 01:03:35,134 --> 01:03:37,099
- Because connection
- is precious,
- 1125
- 01:03:37,101 --> 01:03:39,698
- therefore, it is immoral
- 1126
- 01:03:39,700 --> 01:03:42,565
- to just treat each other
- like dalliances,
- 1127
- 01:03:42,567 --> 01:03:44,898
- even if that's what
- we wind up being.
- 1128
- 01:03:44,900 --> 01:03:46,864
- But that's exactly what
- we wind up being.
- 1129
- 01:03:46,866 --> 01:03:49,498
- Permanence is a myth,
- an a... an illusion.
- 1130
- 01:03:49,500 --> 01:03:51,598
- Well, I didn't say anything
- about permanence.
- 1131
- 01:03:51,600 --> 01:03:55,465
- I was speaking of a slightly
- lengthier temporariness.
- 1132
- 01:03:55,467 --> 01:03:56,632
- What's the point?
- 1133
- 01:03:56,634 --> 01:03:58,598
- I just told you
- what the point was.
- 1134
- 01:03:58,600 --> 01:04:01,698
- But when it's over, you're
- right back at square zero.
- 1135
- 01:04:01,700 --> 01:04:03,732
- I will not
- keep my mind open.
- 1136
- 01:04:03,734 --> 01:04:05,698
- Well, then
- just keep it open
- 1137
- 01:04:05,700 --> 01:04:08,065
- to the possibility
- of keeping it open.
- 1138
- 01:04:08,067 --> 01:04:09,067
- No.
- 1139
- 01:04:10,533 --> 01:04:11,998
- Really?
- 1140
- 01:04:12,000 --> 01:04:16,665
- Oh, wow. That's... I...
- I'm almost, I'm almost...
- 1141
- 01:04:16,667 --> 01:04:18,632
- You know what,
- if you can't or won't,
- 1142
- 01:04:18,634 --> 01:04:20,964
- then you simply
- can't or won't.
- 1143
- 01:04:20,966 --> 01:04:22,931
- - That's my blanket.
- - "That's my blanket."
- 1144
- 01:04:22,933 --> 01:04:24,798
- You might want to shake out
- the Pringle fragments.
- 1145
- 01:04:24,800 --> 01:04:26,498
- "You might want to shake out
- the Pringle fragments."
- 1146
- 01:04:26,500 --> 01:04:27,698
- If you want to leave,
- just say so.
- 1147
- 01:04:27,700 --> 01:04:29,798
- - I very much want to leave.
- - Say it again.
- 1148
- 01:04:29,800 --> 01:04:31,732
- You debate like a child.
- 1149
- 01:04:31,734 --> 01:04:33,732
- You eat like a raccoon.
- 1150
- 01:04:33,734 --> 01:04:35,134
- You're fucking up.
- 1151
- 01:04:40,067 --> 01:04:41,831
- How about
- if I keep my mind open
- 1152
- 01:04:41,833 --> 01:04:43,864
- to the possibility
- of keeping my mind open
- 1153
- 01:04:43,866 --> 01:04:46,567
- to the possibility
- of keeping my mind open?
- 1154
- 01:04:47,833 --> 01:04:51,065
- That is just one metalevel
- too removed.
- 1155
- 01:04:51,067 --> 01:04:52,999
- Come on.
- 1156
- 01:04:53,001 --> 01:04:54,467
- Get back into bed.
- 1157
- 01:04:55,966 --> 01:04:58,500
- Let's find out who the
- nephrologist is sleeping with.
- 1158
- 01:05:00,001 --> 01:05:01,931
- Fine.
- 1159
- 01:05:01,933 --> 01:05:04,465
- But only until
- the next commercial break.
- 1160
- 01:05:04,467 --> 01:05:06,999
- And with no sexual reprise.
- 1161
- 01:05:07,001 --> 01:05:11,999
- And only because I <i>do</i> want to know who
- the nephrologist is sleeping with.
- 1162
- 01:05:12,001 --> 01:05:13,531
- Okay.
- 1163
- 01:05:16,900 --> 01:05:21,099
- <i>When I look at
- you, I don't see smallpox.</i>
- 1164
- 01:05:21,101 --> 01:05:22,498
- And it's "re-prize."
- 1165
- 01:05:22,500 --> 01:05:23,665
- It's "re-preeze."
- 1166
- 01:05:23,667 --> 01:05:26,467
- - "Re-prize."
- - It's... "re-preeze."
- 1167
- 01:06:56,234 --> 01:06:58,032
- Jesus,
- is it Kristallnacht?
- 1168
- 01:06:58,034 --> 01:06:59,598
- Oh, it's housekeeping.
- 1169
- 01:06:59,600 --> 01:07:01,598
- They're not going to
- get that reference.
- 1170
- 01:07:02,733 --> 01:07:04,632
- <i>Mas retardos!</i>
- 1171
- 01:07:04,634 --> 01:07:08,666
- Ah...
- 1172
- 01:07:09,901 --> 01:07:14,099
- Oh... You shouldn't be in here.
- 1173
- 01:07:14,101 --> 01:07:15,731
- This is my room.
- 1174
- 01:07:15,733 --> 01:07:17,165
- Then I shouldn't be
- in here.
- 1175
- 01:07:17,167 --> 01:07:19,797
- Okay.
- 1176
- 01:07:19,799 --> 01:07:21,865
- How did I wind up
- in this position?
- 1177
- 01:07:21,867 --> 01:07:23,664
- You made some
- poor life choices.
- 1178
- 01:07:23,666 --> 01:07:26,465
- No, in this position.
- I'm half off the bed.
- 1179
- 01:07:26,467 --> 01:07:28,865
- Why is my nose bleeding?
- 1180
- 01:07:28,867 --> 01:07:31,697
- I think I have a spinal injury.
- 1181
- 01:07:31,699 --> 01:07:33,598
- You feel pregnant?
- 1182
- 01:07:33,600 --> 01:07:34,865
- I wouldn't know.
- 1183
- 01:07:34,867 --> 01:07:36,598
- What's your gut say?
- 1184
- 01:07:36,600 --> 01:07:38,032
- What it always says.
- 1185
- 01:07:38,034 --> 01:07:39,965
- "Don't listen to me."
- 1186
- 01:07:39,967 --> 01:07:41,999
- But if you did listen?
- 1187
- 01:07:42,001 --> 01:07:44,598
- I don't feel any different,
- if that's what you mean.
- 1188
- 01:07:44,600 --> 01:07:47,465
- - Good.
- - How is that good?
- 1189
- 01:07:47,467 --> 01:07:51,165
- Why would you want me to perpetuate
- my general circumstances?
- 1190
- 01:07:51,167 --> 01:07:53,199
- You can do anything you want
- with your circumstances.
- 1191
- 01:07:53,201 --> 01:07:55,032
- I was thinking
- of my circumstances.
- 1192
- 01:07:55,034 --> 01:07:56,932
- Which are so wonderful.
- 1193
- 01:07:56,934 --> 01:07:58,697
- We shouldn't have spent
- the night together.
- 1194
- 01:07:58,699 --> 01:07:59,999
- You wouldn't let me leave.
- 1195
- 01:08:00,001 --> 01:08:01,999
- I didn't want it to end
- on a bad note.
- 1196
- 01:08:02,001 --> 01:08:03,232
- Also,
- you're in the next room.
- 1197
- 01:08:03,234 --> 01:08:05,132
- It would have been
- spectacularly awkward.
- 1198
- 01:08:05,134 --> 01:08:06,600
- As opposed to this.
- 1199
- 01:08:07,867 --> 01:08:11,132
- We tried, okay?
- We did.
- 1200
- 01:08:11,134 --> 01:08:14,697
- But at some point there's just not
- enough optimism left inside a person
- 1201
- 01:08:14,699 --> 01:08:17,565
- to sustain something
- like this, you know?
- 1202
- 01:08:17,567 --> 01:08:20,032
- You broken preacher,
- me broken choir.
- 1203
- 01:08:20,034 --> 01:08:22,697
- I think it's important we recognize
- that and verbalize it openly,
- 1204
- 01:08:22,699 --> 01:08:24,731
- so as to avoid
- any discomfort.
- 1205
- 01:08:24,733 --> 01:08:27,565
- Oh. Mission accomplished.
- 1206
- 01:08:27,567 --> 01:08:28,834
- Good.
- 1207
- 01:08:33,967 --> 01:08:36,498
- Do you have everything?
- 1208
- 01:08:36,500 --> 01:08:39,132
- Oh, um... Yeah.
- 1209
- 01:08:39,134 --> 01:08:42,099
- I think, uh, my...
- 1210
- 01:08:42,101 --> 01:08:44,731
- Can we still hang together
- at the farewell brunch?
- 1211
- 01:08:44,733 --> 01:08:46,531
- Uh, who else
- am I gonna hang with?
- 1212
- 01:08:46,533 --> 01:08:48,664
- Although I suppose
- I could hang with myself.
- 1213
- 01:08:48,666 --> 01:08:53,065
- Well, I'm going to shove some tissues
- up my nostrils and take a shower.
- 1214
- 01:08:53,067 --> 01:08:55,101
- Sounds like
- good-bye to me.
- 1215
- 01:09:11,201 --> 01:09:14,099
- Well, what do you think, about
- time we head to the airport?
- 1216
- 01:09:14,101 --> 01:09:15,564
- It's really close.
- 1217
- 01:09:15,566 --> 01:09:16,932
- Fifteen minutes.
- 1218
- 01:09:16,934 --> 01:09:19,899
- - Well, our flight's not for...
- - Five hours.
- 1219
- 01:09:19,901 --> 01:09:22,099
- - There could be traffic.
- - Why take chances?
- 1220
- 01:09:22,101 --> 01:09:23,934
- Then we should just
- say our good-byes.
- 1221
- 01:09:25,734 --> 01:09:26,867
- Good-bye.
- 1222
- 01:09:30,901 --> 01:09:32,564
- Want your farewell gift?
- 1223
- 01:09:32,566 --> 01:09:35,167
- The farewell is my gift,
- but please, take mine.
- 1224
- 01:09:52,134 --> 01:09:54,664
- Who was San Luis Obispo,
- anyway?
- 1225
- 01:09:54,666 --> 01:09:57,065
- And what the fuck did he do
- to become a saint?
- 1226
- 01:09:57,067 --> 01:09:59,865
- Thirteenth Century Bishop
- of Toulouse.
- 1227
- 01:09:59,867 --> 01:10:03,597
- Served the poor, left the
- Church, and died of typhus.
- 1228
- 01:10:03,599 --> 01:10:05,199
- That's all it takes?
- 1229
- 01:10:05,201 --> 01:10:06,832
- It was in
- the welcome basket.
- 1230
- 01:10:06,834 --> 01:10:09,564
- Why would you canonize a guy
- who left the Church?
- 1231
- 01:10:09,566 --> 01:10:12,798
- Why look to France when you're
- naming a city in California?
- 1232
- 01:10:12,800 --> 01:10:14,965
- And what the fuck happened
- with the urban planning here?
- 1233
- 01:10:14,967 --> 01:10:17,798
- - At some point, did they just give up?
- - Right.
- 1234
- 01:10:17,800 --> 01:10:20,631
- On the off, off chance
- that I ever have a wedding,
- 1235
- 01:10:20,633 --> 01:10:24,065
- I would never make
- anyone travel to it.
- 1236
- 01:10:24,067 --> 01:10:26,134
- I don't think you'll have
- to worry about that.
- 1237
- 01:10:32,633 --> 01:10:34,134
- Because you're
- a decent person.
- 1238
- 01:10:36,001 --> 01:10:38,132
- Not because
- you won't get married.
- 1239
- 01:10:38,134 --> 01:10:39,499
- Oh, come on.
- 1240
- 01:10:52,599 --> 01:10:54,599
- Why do we live, Frank?
- 1241
- 01:10:55,234 --> 01:10:57,464
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
- 1242
- 01:10:57,466 --> 01:10:59,698
- I'm serious.
- 1243
- 01:10:59,700 --> 01:11:02,564
- The work we do isn't
- meaningful in any great sense.
- 1244
- 01:11:02,566 --> 01:11:05,530
- The connections we make
- invariably fall to ruin.
- 1245
- 01:11:05,532 --> 01:11:08,165
- Everything we build
- burns to the ground.
- 1246
- 01:11:08,167 --> 01:11:11,698
- Meaning is a myth, like you've
- said, so why do we live?
- 1247
- 01:11:11,700 --> 01:11:14,632
- I was so enjoying
- the silence.
- 1248
- 01:11:14,634 --> 01:11:18,999
- It has to be that the myth
- isn't a myth for everyone.
- 1249
- 01:11:19,001 --> 01:11:22,065
- Well, it's certainly a myth
- for those two. Look at them.
- 1250
- 01:11:22,067 --> 01:11:24,899
- They'd rather burst into flames
- than to fuck each other.
- 1251
- 01:11:24,901 --> 01:11:27,865
- - You don't know that.
- - Oh, yes, I do.
- 1252
- 01:11:27,867 --> 01:11:33,564
- It's possible that within the
- myth, there's a sliver of truth,
- 1253
- 01:11:33,566 --> 01:11:36,232
- and you have to believe
- in that sliver wholeheartedly,
- 1254
- 01:11:36,234 --> 01:11:39,564
- come what may,
- despite the rational mind,
- 1255
- 01:11:39,566 --> 01:11:43,099
- because if you...
- if you don't,
- 1256
- 01:11:43,101 --> 01:11:45,899
- the myth just reveals
- itself to be a myth,
- 1257
- 01:11:45,901 --> 01:11:49,632
- and meaninglessness becomes
- a self-fulfilling prophecy.
- 1258
- 01:11:49,634 --> 01:11:54,698
- Try as I might, I cannot get
- behind wine in screw-top bottles.
- 1259
- 01:11:54,700 --> 01:11:58,530
- Also, you have to encourage
- others to believe in the myth.
- 1260
- 01:11:58,532 --> 01:12:00,732
- Because if they believe,
- they can do anything.
- 1261
- 01:12:00,734 --> 01:12:03,832
- They can laugh,
- cry, hope,
- 1262
- 01:12:03,834 --> 01:12:06,032
- vote, get married.
- 1263
- 01:12:06,034 --> 01:12:08,999
- But if they don't, they can't
- do anything, I mean not really,
- 1264
- 01:12:09,001 --> 01:12:13,632
- except make themselves as shallowly
- happy and comfortable as possible.
- 1265
- 01:12:13,634 --> 01:12:16,865
- Which is just vanity,
- let's face it.
- 1266
- 01:12:16,867 --> 01:12:19,865
- For me,
- wine in a screw-top
- 1267
- 01:12:19,867 --> 01:12:22,767
- will always carry the
- stench of chintziness.
- 1268
- 01:12:24,767 --> 01:12:28,099
- What if we're
- falling in love?
- 1269
- 01:12:28,101 --> 01:12:30,932
- Don't get me wrong,
- I'm not a big fan of cork.
- 1270
- 01:12:30,934 --> 01:12:33,232
- You ever see it on a wall or
- in the heels of an espadrille?
- 1271
- 01:12:33,234 --> 01:12:34,732
- Ridiculous.
- 1272
- 01:12:34,734 --> 01:12:38,765
- But for wine, it conveys
- a certain necessary élan.
- 1273
- 01:12:38,767 --> 01:12:40,865
- What if love
- comes for everyone?
- 1274
- 01:12:40,867 --> 01:12:42,932
- Don't be absurd.
- 1275
- 01:12:42,934 --> 01:12:46,531
- What if no one is immune,
- not even us?
- 1276
- 01:12:46,533 --> 01:12:47,600
- Stop it.
- 1277
- 01:12:49,834 --> 01:12:52,765
- It would be remiss
- not to embrace the miracle.
- 1278
- 01:12:52,767 --> 01:12:55,032
- What happened between us
- was not a miracle.
- 1279
- 01:12:55,034 --> 01:12:57,065
- It was actually much closer
- to a debacle.
- 1280
- 01:12:57,067 --> 01:12:59,132
- - Maybe that's what you meant.
- - Oh, come on.
- 1281
- 01:12:59,134 --> 01:13:00,865
- You don't find it miraculous
- 1282
- 01:13:00,867 --> 01:13:03,765
- that two people like us
- forged any kind of bond?
- 1283
- 01:13:03,767 --> 01:13:06,565
- I find it "debaculous."
- 1284
- 01:13:06,567 --> 01:13:08,232
- It was a miracle.
- 1285
- 01:13:08,234 --> 01:13:10,999
- It required forever
- being seated together.
- 1286
- 01:13:11,001 --> 01:13:14,565
- It required an adjoining door
- and a near-death experience.
- 1287
- 01:13:14,567 --> 01:13:16,199
- What are you waiting for,
- a burning bush?
- 1288
- 01:13:16,201 --> 01:13:18,932
- I can't believe you're
- bringing this up again.
- 1289
- 01:13:18,934 --> 01:13:20,698
- I thought we had
- an understanding.
- 1290
- 01:13:20,700 --> 01:13:22,999
- We had come
- to an agreement.
- 1291
- 01:13:23,001 --> 01:13:25,732
- We're less than an hour away
- from parting as friends.
- 1292
- 01:13:25,734 --> 01:13:27,498
- Okay, but deep down,
- 1293
- 01:13:27,500 --> 01:13:30,464
- in your broken,
- miserable gut,
- 1294
- 01:13:30,466 --> 01:13:33,665
- don't you want something
- that's pure
- 1295
- 01:13:33,667 --> 01:13:36,132
- and in its own grotesque
- way, beautiful?
- 1296
- 01:13:36,134 --> 01:13:38,099
- No.
- 1297
- 01:13:38,101 --> 01:13:41,832
- Don't you want to secretly
- have a romantic life
- 1298
- 01:13:41,834 --> 01:13:45,065
- that confirms your hopes
- instead of your cynicism?
- 1299
- 01:13:45,067 --> 01:13:46,598
- No.
- 1300
- 01:13:46,600 --> 01:13:48,598
- Don't you want to believe
- that things like this
- 1301
- 01:13:48,600 --> 01:13:49,965
- actually do happen?
- 1302
- 01:13:49,967 --> 01:13:51,932
- Nope. I'm fond
- of my cynicism.
- 1303
- 01:13:51,934 --> 01:13:54,132
- It's very comfortable.
- 1304
- 01:13:54,134 --> 01:13:56,665
- - Like a warm blanket of your own shit.
- - Yes. Yes.
- 1305
- 01:13:56,667 --> 01:13:58,632
- I'm very comfortable
- and warm
- 1306
- 01:13:58,634 --> 01:14:01,134
- in my fucking warm blanket
- of fucking shit.
- 1307
- 01:14:05,067 --> 01:14:07,565
- But what if
- we're falling in love?
- 1308
- 01:14:07,567 --> 01:14:08,832
- Dear God...
- 1309
- 01:14:08,834 --> 01:14:11,632
- I mean, what if this
- is what it's like?
- 1310
- 01:14:11,634 --> 01:14:13,465
- It would end
- in disaster.
- 1311
- 01:14:13,467 --> 01:14:14,832
- - What if it didn't?
- - It would.
- 1312
- 01:14:14,834 --> 01:14:16,634
- - I know.
- - Good.
- 1313
- 01:14:19,567 --> 01:14:21,765
- - But...
- - Stop.
- 1314
- 01:14:21,767 --> 01:14:23,134
- - Ah...
- - Stop.
- 1315
- 01:14:24,634 --> 01:14:27,632
- But...
- 1316
- 01:14:34,834 --> 01:14:36,600
- Oh!
- 1317
- 01:14:40,700 --> 01:14:42,665
- This is not funny. Don't
- laugh at me, please.
- 1318
- 01:14:42,667 --> 01:14:45,165
- I'm laughing
- out of affection.
- 1319
- 01:14:45,167 --> 01:14:47,132
- No one laughs at another
- person out of affection.
- 1320
- 01:14:47,134 --> 01:14:49,032
- You laugh at another
- person out of contempt.
- 1321
- 01:14:49,034 --> 01:14:51,132
- No. I'm laughing
- 'cause it's cute.
- 1322
- 01:14:51,134 --> 01:14:52,665
- - It is?
- - Yes.
- 1323
- 01:14:52,667 --> 01:14:54,465
- But, fine,
- I'll stop laughing.
- 1324
- 01:14:54,467 --> 01:14:55,467
- Thank you.
- 1325
- 01:15:00,567 --> 01:15:02,099
- - Frank?
- - Yes?
- 1326
- 01:15:02,101 --> 01:15:05,198
- Don't you, like,
- have an instinct about me?
- 1327
- 01:15:05,200 --> 01:15:06,467
- Nope.
- 1328
- 01:15:08,101 --> 01:15:10,798
- I think you do.
- 1329
- 01:15:10,800 --> 01:15:13,598
- You're the one who said
- your gut can't be trusted.
- 1330
- 01:15:13,600 --> 01:15:14,965
- That's true.
- 1331
- 01:15:14,967 --> 01:15:17,531
- For a long time,
- it's been a lying bitch.
- 1332
- 01:15:17,533 --> 01:15:19,698
- But I would have been willing
- to give it another shot.
- 1333
- 01:15:19,700 --> 01:15:21,698
- Why? I mean, how much shit
- has to fall on your head
- 1334
- 01:15:21,700 --> 01:15:23,531
- before you start
- wearing a hat?
- 1335
- 01:15:23,533 --> 01:15:26,732
- You can't die from jumping
- out of a basement window.
- 1336
- 01:15:26,734 --> 01:15:29,467
- Of course you can. You can hit
- your head on a pipe or something.
- 1337
- 01:15:32,834 --> 01:15:34,999
- You're going to wish you
- embraced the miracle, Frank.
- 1338
- 01:15:35,001 --> 01:15:36,600
- You're gonna wish you had.
- 1339
- 01:16:15,734 --> 01:16:18,164
- How are your pants,
- John Wayne Bobbitt?
- 1340
- 01:16:18,166 --> 01:16:20,133
- Sticky.
- 1341
- 01:16:27,500 --> 01:16:30,465
- We shouldn't exchange
- contact information.
- 1342
- 01:16:30,467 --> 01:16:32,032
- There's no point.
- 1343
- 01:16:32,034 --> 01:16:33,600
- I think
- I just said that.
- 1344
- 01:16:35,133 --> 01:16:37,732
- It was very nice
- to meet you.
- 1345
- 01:16:37,734 --> 01:16:39,867
- It was very nice
- to meet you too.
- 1346
- 01:16:46,500 --> 01:16:48,164
- I know what
- you're going to say...
- 1347
- 01:16:48,166 --> 01:16:50,932
- - "It's not you, it's me."
- - No, it's you.
- 1348
- 01:16:50,934 --> 01:16:53,231
- It's me.
- 1349
- 01:16:53,233 --> 01:16:54,698
- Yeah.
- I know.
- 1350
- 01:16:54,700 --> 01:16:56,965
- - It's you.
- - I... Yep.
- 1351
- 01:17:12,967 --> 01:17:14,467
- I liked the bow
- though.
- 1352
- 01:17:29,166 --> 01:17:32,198
- Why didn't we meet
- seven years ago, Frank?
- 1353
- 01:17:32,200 --> 01:17:33,767
- Just lucky, I guess.
- 1354
- 01:17:38,066 --> 01:17:41,198
- 14 Catalina Drive,
- Newport Beach, please?
- 1355
- 01:17:41,200 --> 01:17:43,798
- What are you doing?
- Don't give your exact address.
- 1356
- 01:17:43,800 --> 01:17:45,166
- You don't know
- who the driver is.
- 1357
- 01:17:46,734 --> 01:17:48,798
- Thank you for caring.
- 1358
- 01:17:48,800 --> 01:17:50,667
- I don't. I would've
- said the same to anyone.
- 1359
- 01:17:52,667 --> 01:17:54,665
- We're holding up
- the line, Frank.
- 1360
- 01:17:54,667 --> 01:17:56,467
- There are other people
- in the world.
- 1361
- 01:17:57,533 --> 01:17:58,867
- There are?
- 1362
- 01:18:39,234 --> 01:18:41,033
- Do you have a whistle?
- 1363
- 01:18:55,867 --> 01:18:57,632
- <i>And then taxation.</i>
- 1364
- 01:18:57,634 --> 01:19:00,632
- <i>We get shut down
- every single time by your...</i>
- 1365
- 01:19:00,634 --> 01:19:02,798
- <i>- Idea you have so far.
- - No, no, no.</i>
- 1366
- 01:19:02,800 --> 01:19:04,165
- <i>Can I speak?
- Can I speak?</i>
- 1367
- 01:19:04,167 --> 01:19:05,199
- <i>- Please.
- - Because of your...</i>
- 1368
- 01:19:05,201 --> 01:19:06,299
- <i>- Hold on. Hold on.
- - That's what I...</i>
- 1369
- 01:19:06,301 --> 01:19:08,865
- <i>- Just wait a second, all right?
- - I'm working on it.</i>
- 1370
- 01:19:11,100 --> 01:19:13,765
- <i>It's the guys who
- stand by in all their philosophies</i>
- 1371
- 01:19:13,767 --> 01:19:16,531
- <i>and all their ideas and
- everything that they represent.</i>
- 1372
- 01:19:16,533 --> 01:19:18,132
- <i>They're talking about
- the silent majority.</i>
- 1373
- 01:19:18,134 --> 01:19:20,465
- <i>I don't know.
- I mean, listen,</i>
- 1374
- 01:19:20,467 --> 01:19:22,798
- <i>- if you look at the facts again...
- - Hold on.</i>
- 1375
- 01:19:22,800 --> 01:19:24,698
- <i>They're having a sidebar here.
- Hold on.</i>
- 1376
- 01:19:24,700 --> 01:19:27,098
- <i>How can we even bring
- that up at this point?</i>
- 1377
- 01:19:27,100 --> 01:19:28,765
- <i>- But what fact?
- - In the media.</i>
- 1378
- 01:19:28,767 --> 01:19:29,964
- <i>You're not getting paid here.</i>
- 1379
- 01:19:29,966 --> 01:19:32,232
- <i>You have got to look
- at what your guy did too.</i>
- 1380
- 01:19:32,234 --> 01:19:33,798
- <i>Oh, really?
- There it is again.</i>
- 1381
- 01:19:33,800 --> 01:19:35,498
- <i>There's the same thing
- right there.</i>
- 1382
- 01:19:35,500 --> 01:19:37,865
- <i>It's the same response
- for the other side. Yeah.</i>
- 1383
- 01:19:37,867 --> 01:19:40,732
- <i>Yeah, but never mind
- because your guy was worse...</i>
- 1384
- 01:21:26,806 --> 01:21:31,801
- Subtitle by *-* NaShWaN AL-YeMeN 2018 *-*
- treestand_2002@yahoo.co.uk
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