Thread 76: Stories 46-60

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>NC
"Pinkie"

The neon sign of Late Night Pinkie flickers on

"...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH"

Before being smashed by the momentum of Pinkie Pie being hurled into it, Eric Andre style

"....Hargh....arghhhhh,welp, I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY EVERYPONY"

The empty audience doesn't judge her downing an entire bottle of Sarsaparilla

"I mean, we coulda had some peace and quiet in Canterlot, we almost had it too!"

Hiccups didn't stop her tirade

"But NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, it was all "Nyerh nyerh out of character" and "Bleh bleh wouldn't react that way" and "Bork bork Chitania mai waifu" and "Hork hork Applejack mai waifu""

"So you just HAAAAAAAAD to do it allllll over, aaaand FUCK it all up!"

"I thought you guys...hic....weren't in the mood for any MORE antagonists, but oh looky! We've set some poor down on her luck sex worker down the "Rar rar I don't give shit what others think of me, I Chitania, I probably have autism ragh ragh roooar" path."

"You're just making mooooooooore...and moooooore headaches for yourselves, ya know? I kinda get tired of these sections of the news"

Smash went the empty bottle in conjecture, or rebuttal, no-one knew

"Neeeeeeeeever happy, ain't ya? Hic!"

And then the lights fizzled out

"....I knew I should've paid the bills"

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NC
'Chitania'
"Sweet Note"
>"56"
---

>"Aunt Chitty!"

'...Hello young one. You're not allowed to see me.'

>"I live dangerously!"

'...Of course. To what do I owe the pleasure? You haven't come to attack my plot have you?'

>"Nah! I heard you made a friend, so I wanted ta' say hi!"

"Oh... hello there."

>"Heya! Kay. PLOT INSPECTION TIME GO!!"

"GAHH!! COLD NOSE!!"

>"~Incoherent nuzzling sounds~"

"Gah~ Usually ponies pay extra for this!"

'Hah. He'd probably make you richer than I would.'

>"Hm! Very soft, very round! Snuggleable, squishy... Ya get a 9. Not as big as Aunt Chitty's."

'Ugh, little weirdo. What is your obsession with my arse?'

>"It's plot! Don't matter if you're family or not-pony or your gender! All plots are equally loved."

"That's so cute! ...In a weird perverted way."

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>Luna
"???"
~~~~

Like a specter of a soul long since past, she crept into the home.

A wisp of midnight blue smoke slithering in through the window like a thief in the night, curling through the living room of this humble abode, only coming to it's creeping stop once it had finally reached the side of the lavish couch that held a single, still body on top of it.

>Twenty Nine...

Her voice was haunting, low and yet soothing at the same time. She formed from the ether as if summoned into this world by an Eldridge force. Far beyond any comprehension of any mortal being.

Her starlight mane flowed atop her regal head as she reached out, a single royal hoof prodding stamping on the ground and shaking the whole house with it's power.

>Thou hath been summoned.

"...Princess Luna?"

The covers fell away, revealing a very, very confused earth pony underneath.

>...

"..."

>...

"..."

>...Thou art the one sleeping on thine own couch? How... why?

"Uh..."

~~~Days ago~~~~

"Oh no, Niney, you don't have to sleep on the couch, really. It's a little uncomfortable for me, but you can have the bed. I don't mind taking-"

SLAM!

"...."

~~~~~

"...Let's just say that he's not one to pass up an opportunity."

>...

".."

>...This is very embarrassing.

"Soooo... any reason you're breaking into my house in the middle of the night to see my roommate? Cause uh... while I'm pretty sure this is at least sixteen different, wholly individual fantasies of his fulfilled, this is super creepy."

>We, uh... are normally mostly active at night.

"...Can I watch?"

>What?

"What you're about to do, can I watch it? Please? I won't make any noises... that you can hear."

>...

With a SHOOP! She dissolved back into mist, and slithered right back out the window.

"...Ya' blew it, Marey! I knew I was coming on too strong!"

With a huff, she covered herself up once more, and lied down.

Outside, Luna tried to collect herself before she tried again.

...It was going to take a minute.

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>32
"Various"
~~~

>NEXT!

"Can you make a million wieners?"

>... why... why do you want to know that?"

"...No particular reason..."

>...

"...Got anymore wine?"

>I am just going through this stuff...

~~~

"You know what I wanna see? A fucking purple hippo with dragon eyes and a giant honking nose!"

>...Was... was that a question?

"ENTERTAIN ME!"

>NEXT!

~~~~

"Can you guys eat ponies?"

>I... suppose? I don't know why we would, we don't get any sustenance from meat. We could eat all day, it doesn't turn into love for us.

"..."

>...You meant the other thing, didn't you?

"This wine is greeeeeat."

>NEXT!

~~~~

"..."

>..."

"...*HIC*"

*THUMP!*

>Somehow, this is the most intellectual conversation I've had all day.

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NC
>AJ
"Spike"
~~~

>...Is it jus' me, or are there a LOT of drunk ponies on the west side o' town now?

"...Are you saying you want to join?"

>...Yes.

>...Ah mean, the whole families here...sooo

'YEEEEHAW, did somepony say a party down the west side o' town? Let's pony up Apples

"AJ don't do it"

>I have to....Ah want to.... WOOOOOOOOOOO

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>Celestia
~~

>...

*looks out over the chaos of the entire Apple Clan drunk off their ass roaming the streets of Canterlot.*

>...Now, I can either react like this as a powerful, strong, independent mare and not panic because of the roving gang of farmers....orrrrr..............BUBBLEHORSE HELP! FORBIDDEN SUMMONING TECHNIQUE!

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"SA"
'???'
~~

"Wait, why'd you summon me?"

'HOLY SHISH, ISH SHAT SHA PRINCH!?'

'HEY! PRINSHY! WOOOO!'

"..."

>...Be a dear and run in that direction.

"...S-so... cruel..."

'Uh oh, Ah'm not feelin' great...'

"NOOOOOOO!"

>BETTER YOU THAN MEEEE!

'BLARGH!'

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>Variolus
"SA"
~~~~~

>Gnyahahahaha, time to cause pain, misery and e-.... what's that sound...?

Like a streak of white, the Emperor of the Crystal Empire runs past.

"......aaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa...."

And behind him, five highly concentrated beams of pure, massive puke. As they pass Variolus, they slowly merge into one.

>...except for that one. He's had enough, I guess.

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>32
"Pony"
~~~

>NEXT!

"Are you guys actually all evil?"

>No!

"..."

>...I mean, maybe our Queens...

"..."

>...And most of us...

"..."

>...and the fires...

"..."

>...N-next...

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>I cannot explain, in full detail, as to the factual nature of our otherwise destructive capabilities. I agree that certain members give this impression, but I feel the need to extend the clarification that this is not everyone.

"Is it most?"

>...The statistics are not in for any argument.

"You'd make a great politician."

>....I've never felt so much like crying in my life....

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>???
"7"
~~~

Pleasantness.

That was the only way to describe what he was currently feeling, pleasantness. Pleasantness of a weightless, floating feeling of pure dreams. It was an indescribable, happy feeling.

And then came the drowning.

"GLKGLKL!"

He let out a sound akin to a wet dog hitting the floor, and with a flop on the ground he lay.

"...ow..."

>You are officially a problem right now.

It was hard to try to get up and still remain bowing at the same time, but damn it he was going to try!

"M-Majesty I-"

>Shut up.

And shut up he did.

>What part of 'I am going to deal with him personally' did you not understand?

He tried to open his mouth to speak.

She clamped that shut nice and tight with her magic.

>No, better question, what part of 'shut up' did you not understand?

He had never, in his whole life, been this terrified. He might actually start shaking in fear, he wasn't sure.

He was probably going to.

"M'shrry."

>I gathered. Now, as mentioned, you, problem. They have collided, and I am no longer happy about this. I am officially done now that this is the THIRD FUCKING TIME YOU STARTED A DAMN GIANT BRAWL!

He panged with pain as she shoved his head to the ground, cutting off any retort.

>And now my plans for dear Twenty Nine have to be re-written around the fact that Luna fucking knows. LUNA. You know how annoying that is? You're not even messing up with ponies I can actually use, I now have to do my further plans around LUNA to make him useful!

"HesshittllALIFE!?"

She tried very, very hard not to keep pushing until she heard the crunch.

The crinkle would have to suffice.

>Yes, he's still alive.

"Buhbuhbuhbuh-"

>Shut. Up.

He felt a chill at that.

Though, strangely, not as cold as it had been...

"...Ishitlikewishfrtyun?"

>No, it's not like with Forty One, this betrayal was not planned... yet.

She sighed, and for a moment, it was almost like she forgot he was in the room.

>Of course that idiot was going to mess up and need to be dealt with, but I thought I'd have more time, I thought I could wait until we were more stable... maybe I could have, kept him on the run a week, maybe a month, just long enough to get the rest of it set up and then spring it so only he and that mayor knew about it.

She turned on him, and that chill was right back to being as cold as he remembered.

>Until you came along.

She pulled her hoof up, hooking his horn as she did so and dangling the terrified changeling in front of her like a plucked turnip.

A turnip made of fear.

>...Seven?

"..."

>I'm not happy. My plan to gain control of a valuable resource is now very unsteady because my secret agent has yet again engaged in a public multi-partner brawl when I told him to go do something else. Do you remember that? My ORDERS?

"MMHHMM!"

>Oh, you do? It sure doesn't look like it!

"MDOO! MUHDOO!"

She brought him in close, so very, very close.

>Seven?

"...nmm..."

>Loyalty has it's limits. Wanting to defeat traitors, good. Wanting to hunt down fugitives, fine. Wanting to take out accomplices, just fine. But when I tell you that I am going to handle it, what, exactly, should you doooo?

"...lemoodoih?"

>Veeeerrrryyy good. Now, here's your last chance. You are now, officially, on my shitlist. You are not of real use to me if you keep this up, and this is your last chance. Unlike Forty One, you acting like this is not because I fucking brainwashed you into doing it. Unlike Thirty Two, my most loyal, successful and valuable fighters are not vouching for you. Unlike Twenty Nine, you are not offering me something very, very valuable. You, Zero Zero Seven, are an expendable drone offering me nothing but headaches and brawls, and are either going to do what I say and cut this shit out or...

He could see every inch of her narrowed, haunting eyes.

And he felt like dying.

>... I'm going to fucking finish what Applejack just started, understand?

He didn't nod, didn't say yes, nothing.

But she knew.

>Dismissed.

In a spiral of green fire, she was gone.

Leaving only the changeling behind.

"...I.. I'm not on top anymore..."

His jaw strained.

"She doesn't care anymore..."

He started to shake.

"I'm... I'm going to be..."

And then his eyes went wide.

"...there has to be a way..."

Wide... and oh so crazed.

"...there has to be a way to fix this..."

Suddenly, his head snapped up, and it hit him.

"Something valuable..."

It hit him like a million bricks.

"......I need to see Princess Applejack......."

He smiled his crazy, wild little smile, and then he ran.

He didn't even go to the portal, he just ran.

And he was going to run all the way... back to Canterlot.

He had a princess to see.

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>Applejack
"Braeburn"

The Apples had spread around the castle, spreading their rather rustic chique; or rustique, to whoever they pleased or didn't please. The twans of both music and country drawls filling the somewhat empty castle

"CUUUUUUUUZ!"

>Woah! Brae watch where yer-

SMACK

>...Goin'

"Hey, AJ? Ah dunno iffin y'all noticed, but the guards have been compro...infil....snuck up on!"

>Wait, WHAT?!

"Yeah, thems these weird pony lookin' things that ain't ponies at all! An-an-an they're not friendly in the least!"

>Y'all mean....the changelings?!

"...Huh? The black fellers? Oh good gravy no, none of them 'round here I done see yet"

>Then...

"They're weird, jerk, and made of silver or tin or something"

>Oh, those are ummm....robot ponies, we kinda had some problems with the guard numbers so....

"Ohh, can they be, y'know, trusted, cos ah got a bad feeling round 'em-"

>Story of mah life, cuz

"-and that small pink one, they seem t' listen to her pretty...intently, it ain't right! Can't ya do something about it?"

>....

"Cuz?"

>LOOKOUT!

Braeburn spun about only to see a red-coloured glowing Haybale smack into his vision, wapping him right into a wall

"Ah... buhh... Hooogh hwy yes'ir amm single stallioooooooooooongh"

Albeit with his head poking out

>Ohh, geeeeeze, it's them...craaazy haybales we get sometimes, y'all feeling alright, sug?

"Wehlcum t' Aaaaaaaaaaaaaapploosaaa....."

>Yeh, you'll be fine

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>Chitania
"SN"
'Librarian'
~~~~

'...So, is this how it's going to end?'

Normally, the Titan gave not a single care about what that librarian said. She didn't even acknowledge she was there most days.

But that sad tone, for once, made her stop.

>It sounds like you're sad to see me go.

'I'm not. Oh, no no no, I'm not, but...'

She looked around, all around every single part of that library, just drinking it all in.

'...She's gonna come back with an army next time. You called her out, she can't just roll over like that.'

"You thinking she's gonna lose?"

She shrugged, a move that stilled even the brash feeling welling up in the normally easily excited mare, and even still in the changeling.

'It doesn't matter who wins. It's going to end the same way...'

>Do you really believe I will kill you?

She scoffed, pointedly flicking the book in front of her.

'Of course not. Princess Celestia got me out of the way the last time you were here, she could do it again, just whisk me off to wherever and then deal with you.'

>Pfft...

'...But it's still going to end the same way no matter who wins?'

"I don't understand..."

'Of course you don't.'

She huffed, clearly taking offense, but said nothing.

'...This was supposed to be a place of learning. This was supposed to be a place where minds could grow and grow and so many new worlds could open... but then you had to ruin it.'

The Titan scoffed, only mildly insulted.

>I have done nothing but read.

'...yeah, I guess you haven't...'

She groaned, putting her head down hard on the library desk in front of her.

'...Why couldn't you just go into the room? I wanted you gone, but I'd accept you going into the room. Then something would have changed.'

"Yeah, after they kicked her out all the way. They weren't going to stop just cause she got kicked into that room."

'Maybe they would have?'

>Would you have?

She didn't answer to that, not right away.

>Thought so.

'...It doesn't matter. If you had stayed here, if you had gone into the room, it wouldn't have mattered. It would have been the same. No learning, no nothing. Too scared to come and learn. Same same same... and now it's going to end the same way... it's all going to be gone.'

The mare next to the changeling shifted in her seat uncomfortably, pursing her lips as she too looked about at all the various bookshelfs and book cases in the buildings. There was a lot...

"...It ain't her fault if someone tries to fight her."

'Who cares who's fault it is...'

Her face scrunched up in regret as she let out another melancholy breath.

"...L-look... if she moves, she ain't never gonna stop moving and you know it."

'I don't even care anymore. I feel like this damn cutie mark is a cosmic joke.'

"We don't... she isn't gonna hurt nobody! She just wants to read! You get that, right? You're all about reading, well... ngh! And she isn't stopping anyone!"

'They don't know that.'

"Well, they should!"

'...It doesn't even matter.'

She had given up. Actually given up, no more insults, or threats, or even begging. She had just plain given up and that was that. She saw the soldiers of war moving forwards, and it was going to bring her precious library to the ground. Canterlot, Chitania, it doesn't matter who would win. This place was going down with whoever lost.

"...Chitty? You think maybe if stuff goes... you know, you can do that thing and just punch them over that way, and not... Chitty?"

She turned to find the Titan herself looking around the room thoughtfully. It was true what she had said earlier, this one building was the only thing in this whole city she gave a damn about. She couldn't read fast enough to finish what she needed in time, and she certainly couldn't protect such flammable objects in a fight. If Applejack came back with soldiers, she would win quite handily and easily, but she would destroy this place in the process.

"...look, Chitania... I know we ain't gonna move, because if you move now they ain't never gonna stop, but maybe... you know, just say you ain't GOTTA move, you know? It ain't fair to her if they start something in her place. You ever had a fight break out and go into your room? It's scary, and it ain't fair. She... look, she just wants 'em to get smarter, that's not so bad right? So maybe if you just don't make it look like... she wants to help, and ain't nothing wrong with that. They just need to know, right? So can ya' just... tell them?"

The librarian's head rocked back, absolutely stunned.

>Pfft.

And then fell down at the comment so derisive and cold, just as she expected.

>...It's not time to leave yet.

Sharp, deadly fangs glinted in the light.

>...You know, I was always a poor planner. Never one for schemes, really.

Both mares rocked back in shock as the Titan rose, standing tall and proud.

She rolled her head to the side, letting out chilling 'pops' all along her neck.

>...So I'm going to wing this one.

With purpose, she strode past them both, and towards the door.

'Wait!'

The mare who had been beside her stopped, honestly surprised when the librarian spoke up when she had risen.

'Uh... you don't... you don't have to... go too...'

She didn't say it. She didn't need to. The mare just smiled, and trotted after her friend.

"Can you... watch my books for me?'

'...Sure...'

It wasn't much.

It was enough.

Then she was gone.

Where Chitania was going, she had no idea.

All she knew is that wherever it was, she was going to follow.

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Canon Suuuuuuper Debatable

>Screwloose
"12"

Days had been passing, days of seemingly endless research, orders, and hoof rubs.

He was liking the hoof rubs, the other parts not so much.

"This is a bad idea, Screws."

There it came out of his mouth again, like the refrain to a song that just wouldn't quit.

Except that the other singer remained quiet.

>...

"Like a really really bad idea."

>...

"Like, a 'if this works, my species can be framed for fucking ANYTHING' idea. I've been thinking about this, sure if it gets sold, it COULD be ponies, but we know who people are going to blame. It's always going to come back to us. You try to conquer ONE kingdom-twice, but still only one-and everyone's out to get you! This is going to make things worse, Screws, a lot worse! Because my Queen's going to push back if she gets pushed and...and...

>...hrm...

"HRM!? I tell you you're helping screw my race over and you go HRM-MMPH!"

How she managed to get a hind hoof up to his mouth in that position was something he could only imagine in the wildest of fantasies. But afterwards she stepped away...

"Are-are you seriously just going to walk away from me-"

>Please be quiet, pervert. I'm working.

Before he could say another word she retrieved a small device from a corner, laying it on the table.

"Is that a-"

>Shhh.

She took out another, and another, and another...one by one she placed the small gadgets on the table.

Then she lifted her hoof and smashed all of them.

>We have five minutes.

"What was-"

>Microphones, she didn't film us, but she wanted to listen in. Now, on to your question. How could I sell out your entire race to make a changeling infusion?

He blinked, then nodded.

>Simple. I'm not. It's impossible.

"WHAT!?"

>Quiet down, do you want them to hear us even without the mics? It's like I said, a changeling infusion is impossible, at least, the way that dumb whore wants it.

"I don't understand..."

>Because you're not as smart as me, but allow me to explain as quickly as I can. Changelings and ponies have radically different biologies, utilizing magic and love and all the hokum in completely different ways. Certainly I'd suppose there's a common ancestor somewhere up in the family tree of the Kingdom Animalia, unless your species just evolved from mimicking prey to the ultimate level. I digress, you bug, me pony, following so far?

"Yes."

>Good, now consider the following: What SHE wants is a concoction that can allow any Time Turner or Sweetie Drop to turn into a dragon at the drop of a hat. But even with the acrobatics here little tonics offer in terms of magical reconfiguration, it's impossible to do that. You can't just have something for nothing, you have to earn it...the hard way...

"What's the hard way?"

>I've narrowed down two processes through which an 'infusion' though it's really no such thing, could be made. The first one, well...it's a very slow, very painful, very terrifying series of events. You are a changeling, correct?

"Well yeah-"

>And you can change.

"Er..."

>Right yes, your whole hoopla, of course. But let's say a relative of yours changes into a pony, can they then change into a different pony?

"Yes?"

>And then a different pony?

"Yes?"

>And then a gryphon?

"If they have enough love, yes."

>But through all the changes, is there any point they forget they're a changeling?

"No...why would they?"

>If one were to keep changing and changing and not changing back, would there be a point at which one loses their grasp on what they really are under the layers of deception?

"Of course not, that's ridiculous."

>For a changeling perhaps, and that's what my first process hinges on, I believe your species has a kind of anchor, a sort of genetic steadying point by which their mind/body/soul whatever rhetoric you subscribe to knows that no matter what you change into, you are you and you are a changeling.

"I'm following, this makes little to no sense but I'm following."

>The first process would be taking that anchor and chaining a pony to it. The rewrite of their own code to accept the anchor would allow them to gain your species' shapeshifting abilities. Then things get...complicated.

"NOW they're complicated?"

>Certainly, ponies have no such anchor, neither to gryphons or dragons, the only anchor would a changeling anchor. An anchor that would be consistently pulling the user towaaards?

"Changing form to a changeling?"

>Even more than that, the anchor would begin seeing to it that the changeling became not just the form they'd favor, but the form they'd revert to. Supplanting their pony identity and bringing forth a slow painful metamorphosis into a sort of mock changeling. All the biology there but none of the authenticity.

"...whoa..."

>The implications just hitting you there, buddy? Thing is, the ponies who came before me were onto something before they ran off into the night. Shame Pennydrop's hospitality ran thin with them.

"S...so this is what you're making?"

>Oh hell no, she might actually go for that, there's nothing this simple-minded little egomaniac wouldn't do to make sure she was the top bitch in the world, no no...what I'm working on...

There came a knocking at the door.

>Will have to wait, they're investigating the mics. If they ask, I was getting a hoofrub and didn't want them getting off to the sounds of my moaning for free.

"But wait, what about the-?"

>Just trust me...and trust that I really want to ruin a certain someone's day. Okay, pervert?

She flashed him the grin of a co-conspirator.

He slowly flashed one back.

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>56
"???"
~~~~

>Nnnggh, oh wow. Is that... yes. Yes, it is! I have a craving. A need. It's strong, getting stronger. It must be my.... PLOT SENSE!

Quickly whipping his head around, the little Changeling found the source of what made something just right behind his brow tingle. And with neither care nor shame, he latched onto it.

"MEEP!"

>Mmmmmwaah. Mmmh, squishy, pliable. Good texture, good warmth. Maaaaaaybe needs a bit more prettying up! May I recommend a tailribbon?

"I-whu-wha-hey! It's you again, that perverted Changeling kid! What they hay are you doing?! Why are you always hugging my butt when you see me?"

56 stops burying the tip of his muzzle right below the tail of the pony, blinking curiously.

>'preciating yer plot. 'S nice and squishy!

"Is it? Aww, hehehe... I mean, no, wait, it isn't! I am a *STILL*. A. DUDE!"

Again, 56 blinked.

And then gave that shapely posterior a little smack, causing the feminine stallions derriere to shake enticingly.

>Don't matter, plot is plot, and this is a solid 8! An improvement from the 7 I gave ya last time. Ya listened an got yourself some cake to it, didn't ya? Mmmmmmhh, much more softer now...

"Mmmmnyyaaahn...! S-stop already!"

And without missing a beat, 56 latched off.

>Okay!

And was back on his merry way.

"Wait, just like that?"

>Well, yeah? Somepony recently told me 'no means no', and I guess she was kinda right? So if you say stop, I stop. Anyways, see ya, bootylicious!

And off he went, leaving a flustered, blushing stallion behind.

“B-b-b-bootylicious...”

'Hey, Quicksilver, there you are, thought I lost you in the crowd. Man, those countryside earth ponies are sure a hooffull to ha-... what's with the red face?'

“N-Nothing.”

Steam gauge just shrugged. Quicksilver Sash looked happier than moments earlier, so why nag him?

'Then let's just go, I think I hear another 'Raise this Barn' from over there. We should stop them before they build another one in the middle of the plaza.'

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