The Trans-Dimensional Diner

-The Trans-Dimensional Diner-
by Waterway the Wordsmith

[A4A][Alien Diner][Overly Friendly][You're Human? That's... Cute]

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You stand at the entrance to a diner, wondering how on Earth you got there. Everything about it is off - the sign is written in a language you've never seen before, and the shape... you can't even tell what shape it is. You look behind you and see a sky full of unrecognizable colors and decide that, strange building or not, you'd rather be inside.
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(SERVER): Hello and welcome to the trans-dimensional diner! Just one today?

Oh, what’s the matter? You look a little confused. I guess that DOES make sense given… well, the way you are.

Have you ever been to trans-dimensional space before? No? Probably not, we don’t get many humans. You look pretty worked up, why don’t you take a seat? I have a booth right over there with a nice view of the void-locus.

There we go, right this way. Do you need someone to hold your hand? It’s okay if you do, I don’t mind.

Theeeere we go. Sit right down, and I’ll get you some water.

(Water Pouring)

It’s so nice to see one of your kind again. It’s been… Oh, 234 turns or so. Humans are just so precious, it’s a shame you don’t find your way here more often.

So, how long are you staying in trans-dimensional space? Do you have a place to stay yet?

Hm? Well… I’m sorry, I’m not sure I understand the question. What’s going on is I’m making small talk. Sorry, were you in a rush?

You… Oh, you don’t even know where you are? Oh, poor thing. No wonder you look so upset. Well, you’re in a diner, sweetheart. We make food here. You get to order things, and we’ll bring them out for you.

Alright, alright, let’s not get snippy. So what EXACTLY are you confused about, then?

Oh. Ooooohhh, you don’t know about trans-dimensional space! Wait, then how did you get here?

Hmm… well, that’s pretty puzzling, isn’t it? Well, if you just popped up here, then I’m sure you’ll eventually pop back. I’m sure that if you’re just a bit patient, everything will work out.

Well, I have no idea. I’ve never heard about this happening before, so I couldn’t possibly know how long you’ll be here. But the good news is that I DO know that you’ll return to exactly the same moment that you left. That’s always the same for everyone who enters trans-dimensional space.

So there’s no need to stress, worry, or rush. Just enjoy the time you get here. You can think of it like… a bit of bonus time. A break from everything, you know?

Oh, I’m sorry. Is this all a bit overwhelming? I know that humans aren’t the brightest species in the multiverse. You must get overwhelmed all the time! But don’t worry. You aren’t the smartest, but you ARE the cutest!

Oh, you’re right. I’m sorry, it wasn’t my place to say that. I’m sure you’re just the smartest little human in your whole wide world. Now, what does our clever guest want to eat?

Well, are you sure? You seem awfully upset. I bet having a bite to eat would help your mood a whole lot. We have lots of tasty things for you to choose from.

Money? What’s that?

Well, isn’t that a cute idea? See, you humans CAN be a little bit clever when you want to. But, um… What happens when a human needs to eat and DOESN’T have money?

Hm. Well, I think there might be a little hole in the idea, there. Anyway, you don’t need that here. You can order whatever you want off the menu without worry. So? What do you think?

Well, if you really don’t have an appetite, you’re free to stay here as long as you want.

Oh, don’t worry. There’s always more space. Literally! The diner’s internal space increases the more people there are inside.

Could I at least get you something other than water? Coffee, tea, Mork juice?

Oh, you HAVE to try it! It’s one of the most popular drinks across the multiverse. I’m surprised you don’t have it, most species discover it very early on. But, well… I guess in your case…

Anyway, I’ll be back with the juice. Why don’t you take a look at the menu and decide if something on there sounds appetizing?

(Pause)

So, what do you think? Is there anything you’d like to order?

Wonderful! I really do think you’ll feel a bit better with something in your belly. So, what’ll it be?

Hm? Oh! Oh, I’m so sorry. Of course, you’ll need a little help, won’t you? That’s no trouble at all.

See, this menu has all these foods on it. You can pick something off of it, and I’ll-

Hm? Oh! I’m sorry, I should have realized you can’t read.

You… hm? But you’re SPEAKING our language just fine.

Are you SURE it’s written in another language? It’s okay if you never learned to read, I wouldn’t expect a human to…

Well, alright, if you say so. Why don’t I just give you some recommendations?

Well, there’s the dola steak. Very tasty, it’s tender with just a hint of sulfur to it.

Or, there’s the sawdust sandwich. Fresh sawdust mixed with sap, between two toasted slices of oak. Comes with a side of pinecones, too.

Or… We just added slime balls to the menu. A little messy, but that’s half the fun of it.

No? Aw, are we a picky eater? Well, maybe you want something off the little kids menu instead. How about… bacon and eggs?

Oh, don’t you worry about it. I know, you’re a big, grown-up human. I’ll get you a nice big portion.

(Pause)

And here you go! Some yummy bacon and eggs.

Hm? What do you mean? It looks okay to me.

Well if they’re not supposed to be green, what SHOULD they look like?

(Chuckle)

Oh, that’s funny. Who ever heard of red bacon and yellow eggs? Sounds to me like you’ve been missing out. Come on, give it a try! You might never get another chance.

See? It’s so good, right? Okay, let me take a seat.

Hm? Oh, I’m just sitting down so I can watch you eat.

Well, of course! I’m your server. I need to sit here with you so you can tell me if you need anything. Makes sense, right?

It doesn’t HAVE to be awkward. It’s okay, just pretend I’m not here. Go ahead, enjoy your meal.

So… what do yellow eggs taste like?

I’m just a little curious, is all. I’ve never been to human-land.

Huh. Weird.

Uh… so what do humans do all day, anyway? Do you, like… just play games and stuff?

Oh, so it all comes back to that “money” stuff. You guys really went all-in on that, huh?

Hey, to each his own, and all that. I’m not judging. I mean, not really. I mean… maybe a little.

Oh, did you like the juice? Sorry, I never checked.

Good! Good, that’s good.

Oh, really? Well, I guess if you really think it’s awkward. Alright then, I’ll just leave you alone. Do I… just come back later?

Yeah, okay. You’re the customer. I guess I can do things the human way, just once.

Okay, then. Enjoy the food! Just wave me down if you want anything else, I’ll be happy to get it for you.

And good luck on getting home. I’m sure it’ll happen any second now.

Is… Oh! Did it happen? No, I guess you’re still here. But yeah, any second now.

Oh, right. I have to actually leave. Alright, bon appetit!