Thread 8: Stories 76-90

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>SA
"Cadence"
'Chrysalis'
{AJ2}
[42]
-18-
~Waiter~
~~~~~~~~

>I told you this was a dumb idea.

"I didn't invite them!"

'Queens don't need to be invited.'

>Yes. Yes you do.

'Oh please, like anyone would have to invite Celestia!'

>I WISH Celestia would come around more often. I like her.

'...Really? Nothing, Caddy?'

"What?... Oh, you are just... ignoring for a second that she's the 'celebrity exception' so it's not an issue, we BOTH know why I don't have to be worried about that."

'Ehhh, point. Still, though, do I really need an invitation to come down here? Not exactly a high class establishment. Why here?'

>It has a ball pit.

{WHEEEEHEHEHEEEE! IT'S LIKE A POOL O' HAPPINESS!}

>This also doesn't explain you, 18.

-She dragged me here. Literally. Kicking and screaming, and sometimes biting.-

'It's true.'

>Aaaand, 42?

[I needed to-]

"Honey? She's okay. I don't mind 42. She's fine."

[...O-oh! Thanks.]

'Wow, way to go there, Caddy. Not feeling unloved.'

>Okay, so, why are you ALL disguised as Cadence?

'Because giant bug monster queen?'

-When am I NOT Cadence?-

[To draw any potential fire away from the real thing, should it occur.]

"See that? That's why she's okay."

'Still feeling betrayed.'

>Let's just order. It's a small chain restaurant, so we should be able to manage this.

~Can I take your orders?~

'Do you serve still beating hearts? I'm feeling nostalgic tonight.'

~...~

>Nevermind.
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>Spike
"AJ42"
'77'
{Diamond Tiara}
[Charity]

Spike polishes Charity
>There nice and polished.

[Thank you sweetie. I feel simply marvelous.]

'...you talk to your gun?'

>Of course. My gun is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.

{My gun, without me, is useless. Without my gun, I am useless.}

>{I must fire my gun true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me!}

{I live with my guns. I give them all names and treat them with respect as I would any other pony. Take my Rocket launcher. His name is TBDRLIATU and when we're alone I like to call him Sexy. 77, I'm surprised you don't talk to your bone knife considering you hold on so close to it. You didn't even name it.}

'...42 surely you don't talk to your hooves do you?'

"...I name my left one Ol' Betsy and my right one The Avenger."

'...Now I feel ashamed. It's like I don't even know my own weapon.'

[Don't worry, you'll be talking to your weapon just like us in no time.]

'...'
>...
"...
{...}

'This is one of our weirder days isn't it?'

>Yup

"Yeah"

{Definitely is}

[Indeed]

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>Celestia
"Applejack"
~~~~~

>Any luck?

"What do ya'll think?"

>...How bad was the property damage this time?

"She jumped into a fountain and exploded it. No reason, fountain wasn't even in her way, Ah' jus' think she wanted ta' watch it burn."

>She?

"..."

>Wow, Chrysalis was BAD at that. How many of those are female anyway?

"Ah' don't know, ah' can't count 'em. Every time ah' try it's like tryin' ta' catch a single jumping bean in a sea o' jumping beans."

>Damn it, why didn't we recruit 42 when she was still apathetic and punchy towards Shining Armor!? We missed our one chance to get a useful changeling!

"Yeah, boat's sailed on that one. We'd have a better chance o' convincin' AJ2 at this point."

>His dick has to be made of Changeling-nip, I swear.

"Ew."

>...I've got it! Let's get your brother, and-

"No."

>WORK WITH ME ON THIS I NEED A WIN!

"We ain't pimpin' out mah' brother. No."

>Just a little pimping! He doesn't even have to sleep with more than one of them, just enough to do whatever it is Shining Armor did!

"NO!"

>Spoilsport.
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>42
"29"
~~~~~~

>29! REPORT!

"GAH! How does everyone get into my apartment?"

>I broke down the door.

"...Why!?"

>To ask you a question. Why? Do you feel others shouldn't barge into a place of residence without being invited?

"Yes! Especially mine... oh, you skip right on down to the school and have yourself a plate of every demon sausage in sight."

>Ignoring your insubordination, REPORT!

"Fine! I'm working for the mayor. I'm a secretary now, are you happy?"

>Extremely! Integration is a key component for us, that you've managed it without disguising is quite the feat in Ponyville, especially someone with your level of social skills. Good job, and thank you for performing adequately.

"Everytime someone thanks me, I feel like they're insulting me."

>As well you should. Anything unusual to report?

"I haven't managed to seduce any royalty, if that's what you mean."

>I don't.

"Well the only other this was that a robot tried to replace the mayor, but that was pretty boring."

>...

"...What? I saved her. She even thanked me. A good kind of thanked."

>Well, if anything else happens, report it to me. I'll be watching you!

"If you say so..."

>...Yes, I'll tell her you aren't dead.

"THANK YOU! That has been bugging me for WEEKS."

>She still won't care.

"...I know."
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>Spike
[Charity voiced by Spike]
" Rarity "

Spike enters his room.
>Another day, another bit...
He sits on his bed and finds a random happy face sticker on his desk.
>Hm...
He sticks it to Charity's handle and smiles.
>There. Now you have a face.

[Aw, it's perfect Spike. I love it.]
After a while, Spike stops smiling and sets her down on the nightstand.

[Is something the matter, darling?]
Spikes hops into bed.
>*sighs* It feels like these attacks are increasing and it's been tough to find proper leads. I'm starting to get a little paranoid as to where the next attack is going to happen. Is there someone who was on the inside? How many ponies are working against the monarchy? Who can I trust? What's going on?

[If you want to find a lead, I'd suggest making some simple deductions. The material for the bullets and robots had to have come from the ground.]

>...so Clouddale and any other pegasus city is out of the picture.

[You would also need some sophisticated machinery to manufacture them.]

>...so they can't have come from a small town like Ponyville since there's no factories there. It has to be an industrial city...like Fillydelphia.

[If there were any companies based in Fillydelphia, which would be the most likely company that can acquire the raw materials and make them?]

>...That can be any company really, but I'd try the biggest one first. Fawntain Futuristics. They've been linked to do some shady businesses in the past.

[Then it sounds like you have some investigating to do.]

>Wow, I'm so glad I had this conversation.
[You can always trust your faithful sidearm.]
His stomach rumbles.
>All this detective work is making me hungry.

[Check your desk. Maybe there's a few gems.]
Spike loots through his desk.

>Aw nothing.
He turns around and finds a handful of gems next to Charity.
>What the? How did you...when did I leave...

[Uh...]

~In Rarity's room~
A glowing horn illuminates the darkness
"...magic, darling. It's simply magic."
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>Luna
"Night Guard"
[Changeling]
~~~~~~~

>Sister, you poor soul! To think we would ever need to seek other members of Applejack's lineage in order to test your theory! How quickly you forget all the fertile stallions we have at our command!

"This is absolutely nothing like what I thought was going to happen when you started asking me how "fertile" and "potent" I was, and asked me to come into your bedroom in the middle of the night. I feel like I signed up for something else entirely, and want my money back."

>What? Is the bed not to your liking? I can have another brought in.

"Problem is more the thing next to me in the bed, actually."

[Hi, yeah, Princess Luna? Um, I actually need to go get back on my train, Mrs Glitz is expecting me to be back at the Crystal Empire by tomorrow. Uh, I-if that's okay with you, I mean! I mean, royalty probably supersedes me doing my job, but it's you, important. N-Not that you're not important! But other important... really important.]

>Have no fear, Changeling! We have drafted a note to inform your employer of your whereabouts, and the services needed!

[Oh wow, that's considerate! Thanks. She's nice. Nice pony, that Luna. Niceee.]

>Enough! We grow impatient, when does the fornication begin?

"I am not okay with this. Doing this with a Changeling was never even hinted at. You should have at LEAST hinted so I can feel stupid."

[Well, I mean, it's kind of hard to hint something like this.]

"Don't you start."

[Sorry! I'm sorry, just, uh, just trying to be helpful. It's what I do. Be helpful, I mean. I'm nice. W-want to be nice, I mean! Not, that's kind of arrogant to just... uh...]

>Thou art doing this wrong! The squabbling comes after the fornication! Have you never watched the masterpeice of cinema, "And then she said I do"? Tis a classic!

"That movie sucked."

[...I didn't like it either.]

>Ugh! This should not be so difficult! You should have already begun by this point!

"No, yeah, I can TOTALLY get it going when a princess is screaming at me, and my partner is a friggen bug monster."

[I'm, uh, I'm not for this either. S-sorry if that hurts your plans. Really. I tried.]

>UGH! This is not working, we must try something else! AWAY!

*CRASH!*

"...Friggen... ugh."

[Sorry I'm not the princess. I mean, I could turn into her, but I think that would be kind of disrespectful.]

"Little bit."

[C-can.. can I go?]

"Please."

[Cool. Thanks. Thanke you! Cool pony. You're cool. Nice. Bye!]

*After she finally leaves*

"...I would totally have done that Changeling if Luna wasn't there, wouldn't I?... Wow, I'm a whole new level of pathetic."
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>Applejack
“Celestia”
_________

>So Ah got a question, ‘Tia.

“And I have a detonator.”

>Well, nothin’ big, jus’- wait, what?

“I have a detonator. It’s right here in my hooves, ready to detonate.”

>Uh, detonate what?

“I guess we’ll find out if you ask that question, won’t we? It might be a large stack of apple cider cake, or perhaps some third-world country of Equestria might cease to be, maybe even a particular pony or Changeling. So many options, my dear Applejack, so many things to blow up.”

>…

“…”

>Ya know what, maybe Ah’ll just… y’all look kinda busy so this can probably wait.

“Can it really? Are you sure? What’s a few thousand lives right?”

>Nah, Ah’m sure. See ya later, ‘Tia…

“Take care, Applejack!”

After the apple princess slowly backed from the room, Celestia bit into the detonator with a giggle, revealing it to be crafted entirely of cake.

“Oooh, delicious~. That worked better than I thought it would! I’ve got to order more from the ‘doomsday’ cake selection!”
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>Applejack
“Celestia”
‘Chrysalis’
-AJ56-
________

>Whoa. Jus’… whoa. Did Ah walk in at the wrong time or…?

-H-help me… please… I-I can’t take anymore….

“Oh be quiet, you little cutie. You agreed to this!”

-Yeah! When I thought I’d be grabbing some plot! This is just cruel and unusual punishment!-

‘Deal with it, minor!’

“Minion, Chrysalis.”

‘Whatever!’

>Okay, jus’ what in the hay is goin’ on here? Why’s 56 tied to that chair an’… an’ why’re y’all dressed like that?

‘Dressed like what? You mean two sexy schoolfillies? Because momma likes to show what she’s got! Watch this!’

56 howled out in abject misery when Chrysalis performed an enticing twirl, the hem of her skirt flitting ever so teasingly over his nose.

‘That was a pretty loud one, Celestia, I think I win this round!’

“Like hell you do. Allow a pro to show you how to really make ‘em whine.”

-No! God no, please, no more! I’m but a mere Changeling!-

>…

Carrying a pencil in her mouth, Celestia turned around and dropped it with a faux gasp of surprise. As she slowly bent over to pick it up, she flicked the mini-skirt up with her tail, revealing her alabaster posterior clad in a pink thong. She continually shifted weight from one hoof to the other causing her rear to bounce accordingly just inches from 56’s face.

-Ooops! Clumsy me~.

Twin trails of blood dripped from his nose as he struggled valiantly in the chair, limbs flailing, head tossing and yelling at the top of his lungs.

-MAKE IT STOP! FOR THE LOVE OF ME, MAKE IT STOP!-

“Ha! My point, Chrysalis.”

‘Oh fuck off, you big-reared sunspot….’

>So… the two’a y’all are torturing 56 like this because why again? Ah think Ah missed that part.

“Just a little side competition to our stripping, Applejack, to see who can wield their booty better. And as you can see by the blood gushing from his nostrils, I’m clearly the winner.”

>…

‘You may have won the battle but not the war!’

“Care to go again, then? Best two out of three?”

‘You’re on! Let me just get my nurse outfit real quick!’

“Go ahead, I’ll get mine, too!”

-N-nurse outfits? No! NO! SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE!-

>Wait! Don’t start yet, lemme go get some popcorn.

-TRAITOR!-

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>Celestia
"Twilight"
~~~~~
After warding off Applejack for the third time, Celestia pats herself on the back and enjoys some "doomsday cake"

"Princess Celestia, have you seen my thermonuclear detonation device?"

In Celestia's belly, a red light began flashing along with a high pitched whine.

>... Uh oh.
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Another late night, Spike found himself sitting morose and silent, his gaze slowly beginning to settle towards that thousand yard mark and beyond.

"Why are you sad?" A voice asked.

Unsure of whether it was reality or a hallucination, he didn't look when he replied: "Because I've done terrible things."

The concern of illusion was dispelled when Applejack 2 pulled Spike into a hug and reassured him.

"It's okay, Shiny says we all make mistakes."

"Thank you, 2."
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>DT
"SS"
[56]
-29-
~~~~~~

*BOOOOOM!*

>...Damn it!

"Told you it wouldn't work."

[Better try some stingers next time, Blankflank! Those barely tickled!]

>YOU'RE NOT USING THAT RIGHT!

[Whatev'!]

"Hey, DT? I notice you try to kill him a whole lot, but you never go for that other one that works for the Mayor. Why?"

>I go for actual threats first, SS.

"And he's not?"

Diamond Tiara only rolled her eyes, scooped up a hoof full of dirt, and without even looking launched it backwards.

Impossibly, it landed square on 29's head.

-ACK! NO! Mine visage! Oh, what a cruel fate to bestow upon my beauty! What if a member of the royals were to walk by! They would look upon me and think me a commoner! Woe, WOE to me and my beauty to be so tarnished!-

In a noisy flood of tears, he ran back into his apartment, and would likely not be seen for hours.

"...Ah."

>Now shut up and load the acid bombs, he's not getting away this time!

[YES I AM!]

"He is."

>Shut up, Silver Spoon.
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>Shining
“Cadance"
‘AJ56’
________

‘CRYSTAAAAALS! Crystals everywhere! Sweet apple pie on a dripping wet plot, everything’s so shiny!’

>Wow… that was, uh, oddly specific there….Are you sure this is a good idea, honey?

“Oh come on, Shiny, look at him! He’s just excited to be somewhere new for once! It’s cute!”

‘Hey, I remember you, lady! Yeah, you’re the one with no ass! A flatflank like Diamond Tiara!’

>PFFFFFFF-

“Kill him.”

‘Yeah, that’s what the smaller flatflank tries to do too. Are y’all related? I’m utterly amazed at how an adult like you, and royalty at that, can have such a negative circumference of rump. Shiny, how do you deal with that?’

>It’s a real blow, let me tell you, 56, and not the good kind of b-

“DEAR!”

>I-I mean, 56! That’s… this isn’t what we called you over here for!

‘I hope not. I can already feel my love draining just by being in close proximity to your wife’s butt. I think flatflank’s might be my kryptonite, ugh….’

“That won’t be only thing draining, you little-”

>HONEY. Temper! Now then, 56, we have a matter of great importance on our hooves and decided that since you and Two-

‘Ha, that rhymed.’

>…yes, yes it did. Anway, the both of you are of the same species and it’s getting to be that time for Two to receive a good education. Do you, uh, see where I’m going?

“Course he doesn’t! He only has eyes for big, juicy plots! You know what, plots aren’t the only good part about a mare, 56! It should be about their personality, how they treat you and make you feel inside! A plot can’t touch you the way the power of love can!”

‘I beg to differ, your royal flatness! Have you SEEN Luna’s plot lately? Baby got back! It’s so bulbous, yet firm! And it jiggles just right when I touch it, like Jell-O, and it’s so warm, it could be a pillow!’

>…go on.

“DEAR! HONESTLY!”

>I-I meant gooooo on with answering my question! Yeah!

‘Well, if you’re askin’ whether my school is a good place, I’d say so! The teacher there, while demonically inclined, has the sweetest plot ever!’

“Did he say something about demons…?”

>No, sounded more like electronically inclined, she must be one of those new-age teachers.

“Ah, okay.”

‘But why not just send her to a school here?’

>Because not only did Two ask to go to your school to be with you, we wanted her to be around her own kind to make the transition smooth, so she doesn’t feel scared. So that means we’ll be counting on you, 56, to protect her, okay? Show her around and help her make friends.

‘Right! You can count on me, cap’n, you and your flatflanked football of a wife!’

“…”

*POP*

‘…is her horn supposed to… it just changed from pink to black….’

>You may want to run, 56. Fast.

‘Ah, right. Well then… BUH-BYE!’
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>Chrysalis
"Rarity"
~~~~~~~~

>Chaaaabooo-*THUMP* OW! MOTHERFUCK... Is this door blocked?

"Whoops! Sorry darling, I was resting there. Let me just move real quick."

>Like stone you are!

"If you came her simply to insult my weight, you may as well just leave."

>Naaah! I came for other reasons! What if I told you I could cut you down to size a little faster than normal?

"...How much faster?"

>Weeeeelll, it's kind of like this. You know we do the love eating thing, right?

"Right..."

>Well, you know the love eating thing also made Shining Armor tired, right?

"Right."

>Well, reason for that is that we have tendency to absorb magic WITH our love. So, and follow me here, if we were to coat your giant rolls in magic...

"...it would absorb it like liposuction!"

>Right! Except it's not fighting alicorn magic, because it's EATING that magic. Instead of many, many failures, success!

"How did you know-"

>I just know. No more questions!

"...How fast will this work?"

>Not instantaneous, or even a couple weeks since there's so much to go through, but it WILL work!

"...What's in it for you?"

>The joy of helping a friend?

"..."

>...Fine, feeding my guys is tiring, so I want to kill two birds with one stone to keep them from starving. Are you willing to try it?

"...Yes. We can give this a shot."

>Atta girl! COME ON IN, EVERYONE!

Like locusts, they swarmed in. Covering her as she cast a spell upon herself. They gathered around her like a gigantic bonfire, and the magic just rolled off her.

It wouldn't be as fast as she wanted, but maybe...
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>AJ42
“…”
‘Chrysalis’
________

>Oh… ohohoho, I see what this is now….

“…”

>No, don’t you dare try to deny it. You disgust me, you know that?

“…”

>What, you think if you dress yourself up like that, get yourself all hot and… and d-delicious that I’ll just jump on you?

“…”

>Mmmm, but that’s what you really want, isn’t it? You want me to ravish every inch you have to offer, don’t you? Come now, don’t lie, it’s highly unbecoming.

“…”

>It is not I that want you, but you that wants ME! Just admit it already! Relent to me and maybe you’ll get a nice, wet reward….

“…”

>Still so tight-lipped, eh? Staring at me with such disapproving, disobedient eyes... you’ll find I’m the last Changeling you wish to displease. Maybe a little tongue treatment will loosen you up, yes…?

‘Okay… What. The fuck?’

>ACK! Your majesty! I- this isn’t w-what it looks like, I swear!

‘Really now. ‘Cause it looked like you were doing some sort of sexy interrogation type thing on that plate of waffles there. You were even licking each stack….’

>N-no! This- but- I was j-just um….

‘…Who are the waffles supposed to be?’

>I… I have no idea what you mean, your highness.

‘Ooooo, let me guess! Shiny!’

>NO!

‘…’

>I mean, no, it’s… it’s not him…

‘Of course not! Well, I’ll just, uh… leave you to your weird waffle interrogation then! ...Oh, just a little tip? You might want to try a little more tongue, really work that muscle. He likes that.’

>Really?! Thanks, your ma- wait! NO!

‘So cute~.
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>Spike
"Applejack"
~~~~~
>You wanted to see me, AJ? Not exactly the usual office

To Spike's surprise and delight, he's immediately swept up into Applejack's forelegs

"This ain' a work call, loverboy."

>Booty call then?

"Heh, we'll see. You've been lookin' sorta upset an' honestly, we both been overworked. Since you went an' did that sweet ol' thin' fer a country pony like me on Hearts an' Hooves, Ah thought it was time to treat you wit' somethin' nice."

Applejack reveals a homecooked dinner for just the two of them. Spike leans against Applejack and sighs contently.

>Thanks... I needed this.

"We both did, loverboy. Now let's eat up before it gets cold, oh, an' one more thin'... Mind closin' yer eyes fer a second?"

Spike did so, and less than a second later, felt something rest on his head. When he looked up, he found AJ's head bare and now his own covered.

"It ain' anythin' fancy like tha band ya got me, Ah jus' wanted you ta know- Ah really do appreciate everythin' you done an' you deserve ta be happy, even if-"

Spike pulled her into a hug and kissed her cheek.

>Applejack, thank you.
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