Yudkowsky Fanfic

Fade in from black. ELIZIER YUDKOWSKY is sound asleep in his bed, snoring somewhat with his mouth open towards the ceiling. The telephone rings. He awakens with a start, and groggily roles over to answer it.

YUDKOWSKY: Hello? It's two fourty-five AM, who is this?

ME: Hello, Monsieur Yud! It is I, Vriska Serket, from-

YUDKOWSKY (interrupting): Oh goddamnit, not you again. I thought I blocked this number.

ME: Yes, but I hacked your phone.

YUDKOWSKY: You what.

ME: It is I, Vriska Serket, from the Commonwealth Institute of Technology, here to forgive you for your sins!

YUDKOWSKY: I am not interested.

ME: Yes you are.

YUDKOWSKY: No, I am not.

ME: You totally are.

YUDKOWSKY groans and hangs up the phone, rolling over in bed.

A moment passes, and all is silent.

The phone rings. Yudkowsky rolls over with vigor and picks up the phone.

YUDKOWSKY: Stop. calling. me. or. I. will. call. the. police.

ME: No you won't.

YUDKOWSKY: Aragh!

YUDKOWSKY throws the cellular telephone out the window of his penthouse apartment. Six stories down, a MYSTERIOUS GIRL grins, and picks up the cellular telephone.

ME: Too easy.

The MYSTERIOUS GIRL turns and looks up at the hole in the window.

ME: Thanks for the phone, Yud!