HOW TO RUN: CRASH BASH

HOW TO RUN: CRASH BASH

MAKE SURE TO PICK TINY UNLESS YOU'RE A MINDLESS SHEEP FOLLOWING THE MAINSTREAM WITH YOUR BULLSHIT MOUSE CHARACTER.

CRASH BALL

KEEP TAPPING TRIANGLE AND RIGHT ALTERNALY TO WIN.

POLAR PANIC

THE LITTLE FUCKERS HAVEN'T FIGURED OUT HOW TO SAVE THEMSELVES YET. MAKE SURE NOT TO GIVE A SINGLE FUCK ABOUT THEM LIVING ON THE EDGE.

POGO PAINTER

THIS IS YOUR ONLY CHANCE TO FINALLY HAVE BREAKFAST. MAKE SURE TO WATCH OUT FOR RILLA THOUGH, HE'S A CUNT.

JUNGLE BASH

YOU CAN ONLY THROW IN 8 AMAZING DIRECTIONS. IF YOU'RE SAGE YOU CAN TRY TO KILL ALL 3 OF THEM IN THE FIRST 2 SECONDS.

PAPU PUMMEL

SHOULD YOU NOT GET A PLATINUM SPLIT, RESET.

BEACH BALL

SHOULD TAKE A NAP AT THIS POINT TO PREPARE FOR THE UPCOMING MINIGAME. YOU CAN'T JOKE ABOUT HOOVERS YET.

TILT PANIC

THE ARENA TILTS SO YOU START PANICKING. THIS MINIGAME REQUIRES 3D GLASSES TO BE ABLE TO JUDGE DEPTH.

POGO-A-GOGO

4.

SPACE BASH

SPACING IS IMPORTANT. AND REALIZING THAT THE SCIENTISTS ARE MAD GAY.

DESERT FOX

L2AIM SCRUB. BEING A SUICIDAL BITCH IS USEFUL IF YOU GET CORNERED. MINES DON'T DO SHIT, DON'T USE THEM. DON'T TOUCH THEM EITHER.

BEARMINATOR

THE BEARS ONLY FLY OFF IF YOU'VE FAILED MULTIPLE TIMES FUCK YOU.

N. BALLISM

MAKING SURE YOU CANNOT WIN. HUG THE LEFT WALL AT THE START FOR A HIGH CHANCE OF GAINING AN ITEM THAT DOES JACK SHIT.

MELT PANIC

COUNTER-PUSHING WORKS INCREDIBLY WELL HERE. UKA DOESN'T HAVE A NOSE AND YOU SHOULDN'T HANG OUT WITH DISABLED PEOPLE ANYWAY.

EL POGO LOCO

RIPPER ROO WILL RIP YOUR URETHRA OPEN SO TRY TO AVOID HIM. PSEUDORANDOMNUMBERGENERATOR ISN'T YOUR FRIEND EITHER.

SNOW BASH

DON'T LISTEN TO TY HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HE'S ON ABOUT. ANIMAL ABUSE IS YOUR ROAD TO SUCCESS, SO MAKE SURE TO KICK PINGU IN HIS INEXISTENT BALLS WITH EVERY CHANCE YOU GET.

METAL FOX

BOMBS ARE USELESS CONSIDERING THEY SPAWN AFTER THE ROUND IS DONE. CRYING LITERAL TEARS HELPS COPE WITH THE PAIN OF GETTING STUCK TO A WALL.

DOT DASH

TAPPING THE TURBO DOESN'T DO ANYTHING YOU JACKASSES.

BIG BAD FOX

YOU SHOULD CONSIDER SUICIDE AT THIS POINT.

SKY BALLS

GIVING THE BALLS AN EXTRA KICK WILL SEND THEM TO YOUR SIDES. KEEP THIS IN MIND TO HAVE AN EXPLANATION AS TO WHY YOU JUST LOST 12 POINTS.

MANIC PANIC

BEING A HIPSTER HOMO WITHOUT A RIDE ISN'T COOL. ATLEAST TRY TO KEEP THE DOGS IN THE HOUSE.

POGO PADLOCK

NOT EVEN JAZZ MUSIC CAN SAVE YOU FROM THE FATE THAT IS YOU GOING MAXIMUM OVER RETARD AND TRIPPING ON YOUR OWN SHIT.

DRAIN BASH

THE AI LOVES A HEALTHY DIET SO YOU SHOULD FOCUS ON THROWING ROTTEN EGGS AT THEM.

JUNGLE FOX

TIKIMON'S HITBOX IS BIGGER THAN THE STAGE ITSELF.

TOXIC DASH

THAT AIN'T FALCO.

RING DING

AFTER A LONG WAIT, IT'S FINALLY THE TIME TO MAKE A HOOVER JOKE OR SEVEN.

OXIDE RIDE

KILL YOURSELF.