bad trip

Through my travels I’ve learned many things, but if there’s one bit of advice I’d like to give that you might not come across elsewhere, and also might not really come in handy, is that if your dad has throat cancer and must spend his mornings being treated with radiation and then subsequently work an 8 hour shift in a department in which he works alone and very possibly might fall asleep and need someone to come shout outside his office window to wake him up and give him a ride home, you should probably keep an open schedule and not drop acid with your burnout friends. It’s not a very fun tripping experience, you guys. Also, my dad was significantly stoned off the medication he had to take at the time, so he thought it was funny to intersperse the directions to his house with bits like, “if the jackals surround us, do a quick turn onto Findlay and lose them” and “Oh no, they got rid of the highway again; we can try to ride one of the jackals.” I made it home safely though, and it was still a better trip than the time when I had to call my dad up to my room to kill a couple ridiculous beetles which I found to be simultaneously mystifying and horrific. I would just condense my advice to, “don’t drop acid ever,” but then you’ll never be able to truly appreciate the television program King of Queens. When you’re on acid, the show is no longer about whatever banal minutia it purportedly covers, but instead it becomes a weird, experimental reality show wherein Patton Oswalt tricks people into thinking he’s just this random dude in New York. Unfortunately acid is not capable of making Kevin James remotely entertaining.