The Golden Sprocket by Glim Glam

The Golden Sprocket

A Star Trek Fanfiction

By Glim to the Glizzam

Once upon a time on the starship Enterprise, Captain Kirk was violently sodomizing his first officer, Mr. Spock.

"Captain," said Mr. Spock, "Please do not ejaculate on my face, because if you do I could get space cum in my eyes."

"Shut up Spock, you Vulcan nigger," said Kirk.  "I can do whatever I want to because I am the captain."

"That is not logical," said Mr. Spock.

"You always say that," said Kirk.  "Stop being so logical all the time."

"It is not logical for me to stop being logical, Captain," said Spock.

"God damn it Spock, you nigger.  Just for that I'm going to ejaculate on your face like you didn't want me to."

"It is not logical for you to call me a nigger, Captain.  'Nigger' is an ethnic slur that originated on Earth to refer to a person of African descent.  It is considered quite offensive.  If Uhura heard you say that you would be in violation of Federation rules."

"Shut up, nigger."

And with that Kirk pulled out and ejaculated space semen all over his first officer's stupid Vulcan face.

"Your peepee smells like poopoo, Captain," said Spock.  And it was the last thing he ever said, because some of Kirk's space cum got in his eyes, and as you probably already knew, getting space cum in the eyes is the only thing that can kill a Vulcan.

"Captain!" exclaimed Lieutenant Uhura, who was also in the room for some reason.  "You just killed Spock!  Also, did you say the N-word just now?"

"By N-word, do you mean 'nigger?'" asked Captain Kirk.

"Yes...that word."

"Which word?"

"Nigger.  Damn it, now you made me say it."

"Yes, it is a fun word to say."

"It is a fun word to say."

"Nigger."

"Nigger.  However, that does not alter the fact that you are a racist for saying it.  I can say it because I'm black."

"Don't you mean to say that you're a nigger?"

"Captain!  That is a violation of Federation Hate Crime Regulation #115255-B."

"Don't quote me regulations, Lieutenant Nigger, if there's one thing I know it's Federation law."

"Well, then you would also know that the penalty for violating Federation Hate Crime Regulation #115255-B is death."

"Damn," said Kirk.  "This is all the fault of ultra-liberal Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry."

And that was the last thing he said, because Uhura then shot him with the phaser that she had.  Kirk exploded into robot parts, because it turns out that he was a robot the whole time.

"Damn, I guess the Captain was a robot the whole time," said Uhura, sifting through the wreckage.  She bent down to pick something up.  It was a sprocket, made of solid gold.  "My, what a nice looking sprocket.  I think I will keep it as a reminder of what a racist faggot that Captain Kirk was."

"'Faggot' is an offensive slur, you nigger," said Sulu, who was also in the room for some reason.

"Did you just say the N-wor--"

But she did not finish, because Sulu shot her with his phaser and she died.

"Oooh, what a lovely sprocket!" said Sulu, bending down to pick up the thing she dropped.

And Sulu took the sprocket and put it in his pocket, and then went down to fire up the rocket.  And by "rocket" I mean the ship's warp engines.  And the spaceship flew away, to boldly go where no man had gone before.

And Sulu kept that sprocket as a reminder of his racist crew mates, until the very end of his days.

THE END