Opposite Day

	[Tiamat is sleeping and hears noise. He awakens, revealing Zora and Jack under his blanket with a sign that reads "happy birthday"]
	Zora and Jack: Surprise! Happy birthday, Tiamat! [all 3 standing in front of a cake] Happy happy birthday! Happy birthday cake! [standing in front of a picture of a seahorse and Tiamat has the tail] Happy happy birthday! Pin the tail on the seahorse! [surrounded by presents] Happy happy birthday! Happy birthday Tiamat! [Zora and Jack run out of Tiamat's house]
	Zora: Yeah! So long Tiamat, bye-bye, don't do anything I wouldn't do.
	Jack: Another year older. [laughs]
	Tiamat: It's not my birthday! [shuts door and takes off party hat]That's it! I'm moving out of this neighborhood!
	Realtor Lady: [looking at a picture of Tiamat's house]Absolutely, Mr. Tentacles! [showing the Realtor lady as Itsuki Matsumoto from Bel Air Realty on phone] I can sell your home in a heartbeat.
	Tiamat: Oh that's great news, because I want to move as soon as possible.
	Itsuki: No problem! As long as it's not infested with nematodes, or surrounded by troublesome neighbors or something like that.
	Tiamat: Oh sure, there's none of that... Did you say "neighbors"?
	Itsuki: Of course! I can't tell you how many times I've seen a sale fall through because of bad neighbors.
	Tiamat: Neighbors. Uhh...
	Itsuki: Anyway, I'll be by tomorrow to check out the house. See you then! [both hang up]
	Tiamat: Zora! No one will ever buy my house with him living next door! Whatever a good neighbor would do, he does the opposite! Opposite... opposite... [Later, Zora is sleeping but is awaken from Tiamat's instrument playing outside]
	Zora: Umm, Tiamat, why are you playing that drum? [Tiamat stops playing]
	Tiamat: Drum? What drum? [puts the drum on the ground and punches a hole in it] This is just my wig case! See? [puts on the wig, kicks the drum out of the way and frolics around] Come on Zora, tackle me!
	Zora: Tiamat! You need bed rest! [pushes Tiamat to his house as Tiamat is blowing bubbles] I'll keep you safe until you're well again.
	Tiamat: Oh, I get it. You don't know what day it is, do you?
	Zora: Uhh, Wednesday?
	Tiamat: Why, it's Opposite Day! [Zora is confused] You mean you've never heard of it? Boy, have you been missing out! Opposite Day is the one day of the year when you get to act different! Normally I'm stuffy, boring, but today I'm silly and spontaneous!
	Zora: Does everybody know about Opposite Day?
	Tiamat: Oh sure! It's a game! Get it?
	Zora: Oh, a game.
	Tiamat: Yeah! Normally, you're really loud and annoying, so what are you going to be today?
	Zora: Quiet and out of the way! Yay!
	Tiamat: Yeah! Why don't you get a jump on it.
	Zora: I love... I mean, I hate Opposite Day. [giggles as he runs back into his pineapple] I'm not ready!
	Tiamat: So long, chum. [takes off wig] And goodbye, Bikini Bottom.
	Zora: [running to Denzia] Denzia! It's Opposite Day and I... [stops running] ...walk, don't run. And I'm gonna... opposite... opposite... I'm just gonna crawl into bed and do nothing all day. [crawls into bed] Too bad it only comes once a year, huh Denzia?
	Denzia: Meow!
	Zora: Denzia, wheres your holiday spirit?
	Denzia: [barks like a dog]
	Zora: [doorbell rings] Company! I hate company. Who's there?
	Jack: It's Jack!
	Zora: Jack... go away! I never want to see you again! [giggles but Jack cries]
	Jack: [sobbing] Zora doesn't like me anymore!
	Zora: [opens door] That's right! You're my worst enemy! [Jack falls to the ground, bawling] Jack, you're not really not my friend. It's just Opposite Day!
	Jack: Opposite Day? Hey, I've heard of that!
	Zora: You have?
	Jack: No! What is it?
	Zora: Well, whatever you normally do, today you do the opposite.
	Jack: Oh! Let me try! Let me try! [Jack holds his breath and turns purple]
	Zora: Jack! Jack, breathe! [He takes a deep breath in and pants] Not that opposite. Let me show you how to do it the wrong way!
	[Zora and Jack dance across the screen as Zora is pink and Jack is yellow. Denzia eats properly from a table]
	Zora: [eats from Denzia's bowl] Meow.
	Jack: [sitting on newspapers] Meow.
	[Zora and Jack both blow a bubble, but they blow themselves into bubbles, instead. Jack pops]
	Zora: Kcirtap yeh. [forwards: Hey Jack.]
	Jack: Pu evig i. [forwards: I give up.]
	Zora: Edis etisoppo eht ot teg ot. [forwards: To get to the opposite side.]
	[Both laugh in reverse. Cut back to house]
	Zora: Say, want to help me do some work around the house, worst enemy?
	Jack: Nope. [He smiles, both laugh]
	Tiamat: Nearly noon and not a peep from Zora! [packing his belongings into boxes] I'm almost sorry I'm leaving! [laughs] Opposite Day. [hears noises from outside] Zora, what are you... [screams as she sees both Zora and Jack destroying Zora's pineapple]
	Zora: Hello, Tiamat! Oops. I mean, goodbye, Tiamat! Aww, isn't Opposite Day... [giggles]...terrible? [laughs]
	Tiamat: I'll tell you what's terrible! Living next to you! You're the worst neighbor in history!
	Zora: Wow! That's the nicest thing Tiamat's ever said to me! [Tiamat smacks her forehead]
	Tiamat: [panicked] If the real estate agent sees that mess, I'll never sell this house! [Zora and Jack look at the destroyed pineapple]
	Jack: Isn't it beautiful?
	Zora: On Opposite Day it is. [Tiamat drives up with a bulldozer]
	Tiamat: Out of the way, Zora! [Tiamat begins to rebuild the pineapple]
	Zora: I don't get it. I made my house a mess, which was making it clean, which made Tiamat clean my yard, [Zor wraps her arms around himself repeatedly] but that really means he's messing it up. [Jack is drooling] But the opposite of clean is filth, which means filth is clean, that means Tiamat is really making my yard a wreck, but I normally wreck my own yard which means, [Denzia meows] Tiamat is being the opposite of Tiamat which means he's Zora! [Zora wrapped his arms around himself] A-ha! I understand everything now! I must be the opposite of Zora! By being... [stretches her nose out and puts her belt around the middle of her head to resemble Tiamat's head and talks like Tiamat] Tiamat!
	Jack: Hey! I wanna be opposite too! [Zora thinks then snaps her fingers. She takes a piece of coral and puts it below Jack's eyes where his nose would be] Yeah! Finally! Yoo-hoo! [dances] I'm Tiamat, I'm Tiamat, Tiamat, Tiamat, Tiamat.
	Zora: Wait! It's not enough to look like Tiamat to be opposite... [talking like Tiamat] ...you have to act like her, too. Boy, oh boy, do I like playing the clarinet. I practice and practice all day long but I never get any better. [normal voice again] Now you try.
	Jack: OK. [takes a deep breath and continues dancing] I'm Tiamat, Tiamat, Tiamat, Tiamat. [Zora dances along with Jack]
	Zora and Jack: I'm Tiamat. I'm Tiamat. I'm Tiamat, Tiamat, Tiamat.
	Zora: [opens door for Jack] After you, Ms. Tiamat.
	Jack: Why, thank you, Ms. Tiamat. [walks in]
	Zora: You're quite welcome, Ms. Tiamat. [walks in and shuts door]
	Tiamat: [still rebuilding Zora's pineapple] Oh, Opposite Day. Next time, it's going to be "Go Jump Off A Cliff Day!" [as he is building, Itsuki Matsumoto drives up]
	Itsuki: Oh my! The house is even more beautiful in person! [walks up to the front door, knocks on the door. Zora opens it] Hello Mr... [looks down] Uh... Ms. Glacientyr?
	Zora: [talking like Tiamat] Yes, please come in.
	Itsuki: It's funny, I pictured you being much taller.
	Zora: Yeah, everyone says that.
	Itsuki: Now if you want the sale to go through, you've got to tell me all the positive things about your house.
	Zora: [normal voice] Positive things! Opposite Day... [talking like Tiamat] I'd love to. The floor creaks, the roof leaks, there's a terrible draft.
	Itsuki: Uhh... well, you didn't mention that on the phone.
	Zora: Please, let me finish. The winters are harsh, the summers are brutal. There's a wild man-eating clam in the backyard! [Itsuki looks at her, shocked] Now, would you care to see the rest of my home?
	Itsuki: Well, umm, I'm not sure if I'm interested...
	Zora: Nonsense! I won't take no for an answer. [laughs then stops] Please follow me. [both walk into Tiamat's art room] And here's the worst room in the house. My gallery.
	Itsuki: [looks at painting of Tiamat] Oh my, this painting is very nice. [Jack bursts through the painting]
	Jack: Thank you! [Itsuki screams and leaps up to the ceiling, hanging onto a beam]
	Itsuki: Who's that?!
	Zora: I'd like to introduce you to Mr. Tiamat.
	Itsuki: You're both Tiamat?
	Zora: I'm Tiamat, he's Tiamat.
	Zora and Jack: We're both Tiamat.
	Tiamat: Well, that's done. At least Zora has been quiet. [sees Itsuki's boat and screams] NO! [Zora plays Tiamat's clarinet badly for Itsuki]
	Itsuki: Okay, I really don't want to hear another one.
	Zora: Okay. [plays more]
	Itsuki: I really don't want to hear more, thank you.
	Zora: I hear you loud and clear. [plays more]
	Tiamat: [bursts in] Stop! Get away from her! Oh oh, I am so sorry, Ma'am, I hope these two barnacle heads! haven't harmed you in any way.
	Itsuki: Who are you?
	Tiamat: Why, I'm Tiamat! [Zora and Jack pop up in the background. Itsuki's face slowly turns angry]
	Itsuki: [stands up from chair] What kind of fool do you take me for?! She's Tiamat, he's Tiamat, you're Tiamat?! I'm Tiamat! Are there any other Tiamats I should know about?
	Denzia: [with a pickle on his face. Imitates Tiamat's voice] Meow.
	Itsuki: I'm outta here. [she walks away]
	Tiamat: Ma'am, please! What about my house?!
	Itsuki: I wouldn't sell a house for you if you were the last Tiamat on earth! [walks out of the house]
	Tiamat: Wait!
	Zora: Don't...
	Jack: ...Go!
	Tiamat: [screams, runs out, and holds onto her leg, dragging him, as she is leaving] No, no, no, no, no!
	Itsuki: Stop! Stop!
	Tiamat: Please, sell my house!
	Itsuki: Never! [releases her leg, gets in boat and drives off]
	Tiamat: Don't leave me here! [crying]
	Zora and Jack: [walk up to Tiamat] Happy Opposite Day, Tiamat! We hate you!
	Tiamat: Let me show you guys how much I... hate you! [Tiamat drives up with a bulldozer chasing Zora and Jack, they both scream and run away]
	Zora: Jack, do you ever feel Tiamat likes us too much?
	Tiamat: [angry, still chasing them] Happy Opposite Day! [chases them down the street and laughs evilly]