Stronger Than You Know

It was 12:12 AM; Lynn just stared dead-eyed at her clock.

Her room cloaked in shadows, and the only sound she could hear was the rain trickling against the window. Everyone had gone to sleep hours ago, however; she was still huddled up in her bed, shifting and turning, and waiting for the next clamoring wave to come in. She wasn’t supposed to be afraid; this was nothing, it was stupid, she contemplated as she clenched her sheets. She’s Lynn frickin’ Loud, why should she be afraid of lightning?

Boom!

But as if just to whittle her back down to size, another crack of thunder shook the whole house. Lynn instinctively hid deeper under her covers as the flash of light illuminated her and Lucy's room. Peeking out from behind the covers, she watched as her room darkened again and the intruding light dimmed back out the window. Still shaken by the noise, Lynn tried to calm herself down by looking over at her little sister, who had slept soundly through it all.

“This is probably more like a lullaby to you...” Lynn whispered to herself.

Since sleep was pretty much impossible at this point, she dragged herself out of bed to try and walk it off.

When she got to the hall, she froze, eyeing the stairway. Memories of her nightmare started flooding back into her mind, the ghostly sounds of screaming echoed through her head as her knees began to buckle. She shook it off and made a beeline for the bathroom. Dragging her feet, she felt nothing but contempt for herself. Her fists were white from how tightly she had clenched her shaking palms. But it didn’t work; nothing seemed to stop it. Going to the bathroom, turning on the light and taking a seat on the porcelain throne, her whole body couldn’t stop shaking.

Audibly groaning she slapped herself a little to get focus her mind, she needed a plan to get through the night, just something that would get her mind off the storm?

Of course, she had considered talking to her parents about it, maybe Lori or Luna, or even Lincoln. The problem there is that she was afraid they would just feed her the same lines people say when another person has a bad dream.

It’s all in your head.

You don’t need to be scared.

Just sleep it off, and you’ll be okay.

Lynn wasn’t looking for a pep talk; she needed a solution. She knew she was scared, and stating the obvious wasn’t going to make it any less stressful. She was just so tired, night after night she was having the same nightmare, and from that, she had learned the definition of Insomnia. Frustration had gotten the better of her as she punched the bathroom counter. Despite the pain from the impact, her hand was still shaking.

She slumped back on the seat; Even the toilet was starting to feel comfortable as she felt the weight of her stress drag her down. Tired and overwhelmed with stress, Lynn let her vision wandered out of the bathroom and gazed down the darkened hallway. Noticing that Lincolns door was open and how his window looked like it was staring right back at her.

BOOM!

Darkness filled the bathroom as the light went out, leaving the bright light from outside to crawl all the way down the hall to the bathroom and shining right in her eyes. The whole world shrunk around her as the visions clawed back from obscurity leaving fresh scars for her remember, the fire, the heat, the crackling wood, the screaming, all the of the screaming, and then the light.

She practically flew down the hallway, latching onto Lincoln’s door handle, almost slamming it shut. Her muscles tensed just before she could shut it - she didn’t want to wake everyone. But she still held the door in place, just enough to watch the light fade away. When the light had completely disappeared, her body felt like it was about to give out.

Lynn regained her composure enough that she now felt the cold sweat that coated her shaking body. She looked up through her blurry vision to see her right hand still hanging from door handle as her knees had finally given way.

Lynn sat there resting her head on the cold door, using her one free hand to wipe away the tears.

Despite her sense of defeat, Lynn managed to pull herself together to get off the floor, quietly closing Lincoln’s door. She could barely keep her head up as she continued to drag herself back to her bedroom. Just before stopping at her door, she turned to the sound of creaking stairs, Squinting; she called out to the figure in the dark.

“Linc?” Her brother froze in place. A paper plate of cake in hand and plastic fork hanging from his mouth.

“Uh… hey, Lynn.” He attempted to talk and swallow at the same time with a silly grin to look innocent. It managed to make her smile a little. “Just getting a midnight snack…” He paused for a second trying to play it cool, but he dropped that act for a second before switching to begging. “please don’t tell mom and dad.” Without saying a word, Lynn walked over to Linc and plucked a piece of his cake plate and plopped it in her mouth.

“It’s cool Linc. Just try and leave enough for the rest of us.” She said giving him a reassuring smile.

“Thanks, try and get some rest, okay?” He said offhandedly walking back to his bedroom.

Lynn turned to her room again, but before she could reach for the handle, her body tensed up and froze her in place. Her mind was practically screaming at her to get back to her room as Lincoln reached his door. Her gut meanwhile told her to stand her ground. She wasn't going to run; Lynn Loud doesn't run from anything. Holding her shaking fist in her hand, she told herself that it was not going to get to her.

It was not going to get to her.

It was not going to get to her.

It was not going to –

BOOM!

There had to be a crack in Lincoln’s window because the sound of the thunder felt like it was right behind her.

Lincoln squinted at the sudden light from outside his window; the weather was really acting up tonight, he thought to himself. Closing the door behind him, when he felt a sudden bump stopping it. He opened it back up to find Lynn standing there, her eyes hidden behind her bangs and for some reason her right hand hiding behind her back.

“Hey Lincoln, can I… bunk with you tonight?” she managed to work out between shaking breaths.

“Sure. Come on in.” He opened the door without a second thought. She couldn’t help but wonder why he was so accepting of her being in his room. Usually, the little guy was protective of having space for himself. Not wanting to push the subject, she just climbed into bed and crawled under the sheets until her face was inches from the wall.

Lincoln finished what was on his plate and tossed it and the fork into a little trash bin next to his bed. She felt the weight of the bed shift as Lincoln climbed in; she never took her eyes off the wall.

“Goodnight Lynn.” Lincoln watched Lynn for a minute. She didn’t turn around. He let out a small sigh before lying down, turning away from her.

Despite the Lincoln being inches away from her, the comfortable sheets, and the therapeutic sound of the rain hitting the window, Lynn still found it difficult to relax. Even if she did, the nightmare would come back. She didn't want to think about it; her eyes felt so heavy, the world felt it disappearing around as the rain began to vanish and only silence echoed back at her.

It was dark; that’s how it always started. In calm darkness.

There she was again, standing in the dark outside her door. The silence was lingering in the air as if everyone had stopped breathing. But she knew they were there, in a peaceful slumber, not seeing the smoke in the air, not hearing the creaking wood around them. The nightmare was mocking her, and she swore she could hear it laughing as it began again.

She closed her eyes, feeling the whole house shake as the roof and attic collapsed into the hallway. Pillars of wood and pieces of ceiling blocking every door in the hall, even collapsing the path downstairs. And right on cue, the fire started.

A single piece of wood caught and in an instant made a ring of fire around the hall, as the Flames wasted no time clawing their way around the wooden debris and into each of the rooms. All the while, Lynn stood there, knowing she couldn’t do anything to stop it.

Giving in, she just fell to her knees and curled herself into a ball. She tried to block out the screams of her sisters as they started yelling at her. She cried, Trying to scream past calls for help. She tried to tell she couldn’t do anything.

She could never do anything.

She was useless.

She couldn’t protect her family even if she tried. Clenching at her ears, she tried to block it all out, but it wouldn’t stop. It just kept getting louder. The screams grew to screeches; she couldn’t see them burning, but she could hear it.

Lynn thought it would end now, that’s how it ended, they burned, and she woke up. But the nightmare had grown from each night, and it wanted to see her struggle.

But the dream had learned to adapt, to change, to make Lynn react. And that’s when she heard Lincoln calling her name.

Pushing herself up she saw Lincoln trying to push the wooden pillar out of the way, the sights of her little brother trying to push the burning wood out of the way got her to her feet and running. She tried to calm him down by grabbing the first pillar in front of her. Gritting her teeth at the pain of the fire chinging her skin. Lincoln couldn’t speak. He just coughed as the smoke of the fire wrapped around him, snaking its way into his mouth as he tried in desperation to cough it out.

Tears ran down her face. She couldn’t watch this, not again. But she refused to turn away from the beam as she put her back into it. The back of her shirt was burning away at the touch of the embers, Blisters now covering her back.

Between all the fire, she barely felt Lincoln grabbed onto her arm, looking down at him as he struggled to pull himself through. She reached in to pull him out. Her shaking hand is still gripping his, and for a moment she believed that this wouldn’t end the same.

Until his hand limply fell back into the room as the fire consumed Lincoln.

She stepped back, letting the pillar fall back into place. There was nothing she could do, there never anything she could do. Turning around, she looked back up into the sky of the destroyed roof. There she saw it again.

A serpent made of lightning, every night in her nightmare it dances in the sky. Tearing down her home, burning her family, breaking her down. Making her lose the will to fight. When it knew it had won, it wrapped itself around the now broken house and looking down at her, shooting static strings of electricity everywhere as the fire had now consumed the entire house. It slowly began to reel back, unhinging its jaw.

She closed her eyes, knowing what came next.

BOOM!

Her eyes shot open; she was back in Lincoln's bed with only the silhouette of her shadow to greet her as the light came into the room and dimmed away once again that night. She let a heavy sigh escape her chest. At least she didn't wake up Lincoln.

“Lynn.” Because he was already awake.

She looked over her shoulder to see a Lincoln showing a look of genuine concern. That was the last thing she needed to see after the last nightmare, but she put on a brave face and turned around completely to face him.

“Wassup bro.” she forced a smile.

“You had another Nightmare, didn’t you?” The smile fell. She caught herself and tried to laugh it off.

“It’s nothing bro; I'm all right.” As she started rolling back to face the wall, she felt Lincoln grab her hand. The right one. She didn’t even notice that it was still shaking the whole time. Lynn just laid there looking up at the ceiling.

Lincoln wasn’t going to let it go now. He was too damn genuine to let it rest. Lynn felt his other hand rest on top of hers, trying to calm her down. Letting her collect herself, he was patient, waiting for her to talk. It was getting a little too touchy-feely than she was comfortable with, yet Lincoln somehow was managing to calm her down.

After about a few minutes of silence, she spoke up.

“So, when did you notice?” she started.

“Three days ago, I saw that you stopped going on your morning runs. I didn’t even know what it was, but I didn’t want to pry.”  He said, never taking his eyes off her.

“Yeah well, thanks, I guess.” She had been slipping. She drank enough coffee to keep up during games and while she exercised, but the lack of sleep had been draining her slowly.

“I should have talked to you sooner. I tried to ask the others, but they told me to let you handle it. That you would probably… sweat it off.” He scowled a little at the comment. Like you can just solve all your problems by working it out yourself.

“Oh yeah, that’s me alright. Superstar Lynn. Not afraid of anything… except for stormy nights.” She meant for the line to be boasting, but it just trailed off into a mockery. It went quiet again, just the sound of their breathing and Lincoln occasionally squeezing her hand in a feeble attempt to get her attention. Tired of the silence, he spoke up.

“How long have you had this nightmare?” There he went meddling again. Part of her wished he would drop it, but honestly, she was tired of keeping it to herself.

“Every night for like… two weeks.”

“Two weeks!” Lincoln almost screamed, now sitting up in his bed and looking down at her. He let go of her hand and tried to process this. She didn’t think it was that big of a deal. “You been like this for that and long, and you didn’t think to talk to anyone about this? What wrong with you?” He was trying to be angry, but she could still hear the concern.

“It’s not your problem.”

“That bullsh-“ Lincoln caught himself, which honestly surprised Lynn. Her little brother usually didn’t swear unless he was genuinely frustrated. “Your right, it’s not my problem.” Lincoln grabbed Lynn’s hand and pulled her up so now she was sitting. Lincoln crossed his legs and looked straight at her. “Then help me understand. What happens in the nightmare?”

That was honestly the last thing Lynn wanted to talk about. But right now, at this moment. She was getting what she wanted. Someone to dump her thoughts on. Might as well let it all go.

“Okay… so, two weeks ago, I started having this nightmare about the house burning down. I thought it was like one of those falling dreams or some crazy crap. But every night it just… got worse.” Lynn looked back at Lincoln, he didn’t move an inch and kept listening. “I’m in the hallway; it's dark, I don’t hear a thing. Then out of nowhere the whole roof. The entire damn thing just fell around me, and everything just catches fire.” she turns to face Lincoln trying to recount it as accurately as she could.

“I don’t know where it comes from, but it just starts setting everything on fire, the carpet, the walls… the doors.” Lynn started slowing down now. Hesitating but still talking “At first I didn’t know what was going on, but… then start hearing someone scream. Every night it was someone different. First was Luan, then Luna, Lisa, Lola, Lori, L- you get the idea.” She stopped. Her eyes were now looking heavier now.

“They scream my name, telling me to get them out of there. I try running downstairs to get water, but then the stairway gets blocked.” Her mind started recounting another one of worse versions of the nightmare. “So, I try prying the wood away but there always so frickin’ heavy, and I just end up burning my hands.” Those fantasies used to be so simple, with just one door blocked and one sister she’d fail to save. She thought that maybe in time the nightmare would go away. But every time she failed to change anything, the dream would grow, and it only got worse.

“Then the next nightmare comes, and now I got two people screaming my name. That’s real cute ain't it? Bad enough I get to listen one sister burning, I get two.” She tried again to laugh it off, hiding her vision fading again from the shock of the nightmare. He could hear it in her voice now shaking.

“You would think it would get easier? But it doesn’t, it just makes you feel like garbage. Like you can’t do anything. That when the shit hits the fan, and you think that you can help. But you can’t... I can’t.” her mind traveled back to a particularly bad dream, one where she had gotten so frustrated that she punched a hole in the door, breaking her hand in the process trying to chip away at the burning despite the pain to try and at least save one.

If she could just save one, it wouldn’t be as bad. She needed to win one time. She could have this nightmare if she wanted, just with the knowledge that one time. One time she came out on top, that she would actually manage to save someone.

But the nightmare wouldn’t let her have that victory. It always rigged the game from the start. Its only goal to make her watch and suffer as she watched her family burn alive screaming her name. She came back to reality, her eyes now shedding tears. Not even trying to hide them.

“I try… I try every time Lincoln. But it's never enough.” Despite her cold tears, she felt a sudden warm feeling around her body. Lifting her vision from behind her bangs to see Lincoln with arms wrapped around her in a tight hug. She wanted to give one back to him, but couldn’t find the strength.

Boom!

Luckily the thunder brought it back as Lincoln squeaked from the now vice grip Lynn had him in. She slowly loosened her grip. Apologizing for the sudden choke hold, Lincoln just shrugged it off trying to smile past the pain in his back. She tried to break the hug, but Lincoln wouldn’t let her go, and she didn’t have the will to try and fight it.

“I’m pathetic.” She whispered.

“No, you’re not.” He whispered back.

“Yeah, getting hugged by your little brother over a bad dream. Real impressive.”

“Everybody gets nightmares.”

“It’s not even real.”

“Just because something isn’t real, doesn’t mean you can’t be afraid it.” Lincoln finally let her go but held her shaking hand. “Lynn… you are strong. You’re the strongest person I know.”

“Yeah and?”

“I’ve seen you lift things twice your size. Do you actually believe that if something like that happened, you wouldn't be able to do anything.” She didn’t answer; she didn’t want to think about even close to real. “No, because I know you, and I know you would do everything even it meant hurting yourself to help us.” She knew he was probably just being melodramatic about it. But he wasn’t wrong. “I mean jeese Lynn. If I had a nightmare like that I’d would have peed my bed… n-not that I’ve ever done that.” He was playing so cool right up until that point.

Lynn just laughed. Pulling him back into another hug. Lincoln didn’t find it funny, but he was happy to see her smiling now. He never wanted to any of sisters like this, especially as strong as Lynn. He wouldn’t let that happen.

After that emotional rollercoaster of a conversation, the two of them finally laid back down. Lynn looked over at her little brother again. He caught her glance and noticed how she was looking like she was trying to work something out of her mind.

“Uhh, hey Lincoln.” She said hesitantly.

“Yeah Lynn?”.

“Do you mind if I just stay here for the rest of the night.” She said embarrassed.

“It’s cool. I wasn’t going to let you go anyway.” He hugged her one more time, laughing it off to herself and giving him a playful punch him in the arm. Just like that, she felt so light, sleeper then she was only a second ago. She turned around to face the wall, making sure that wasn’t snoring in Lincoln’s ear all night. But as she started to drift off, she felt her brother's arms wrap around her waist, his head nuzzling up into her hair. She smiled to herself and drifted off to sleep.

That nightmare could come if it wanted. Because right now Lynn felt invincible.