Raege and Anger management

"Raege and Anger management"
Fan story of Mr. Culexus comic strip "The Ragged Edges"

(0600: Ave Maria-Imperial Inquisition vessel-Warp space mid jump)

Everywhere else on the ship it was quiet. The dull hum of power running through the ships machinery that kept them alive in the cold vacuum of space and the faint whirring of air circulation mingled together to create a vaguely pleasant white noise that reminded everyone who cared to think about it that the ship was still running. Down in the barracks, most of the crew and soldiers were still asleep, their bodies waiting for the alarm call that would shoot them bolt upright. A skeleton guard crew that kept the ship secure patrolled the corridors or stood guard outside of high priority areas. Down in the engine decks men fused with machinery ran back and forth along the ancient pipes ad whirring contraptions that were the ships innards, keeping it together with an equal amount of mechanical skill and religious zeal, and strange things crawled around in the forgotten lower decks and spaces between.

From one of the hallways on the midship decks, a dull irregular series of thuds sounded from the other side of a closed door. The door led to the crew gymnasium, a space usually occupied by dozens of crew after a long day of no physical exertion in between missions, particularly during warp travel where exhausting one’s body was a good way to clean ones mind. This morning its sole occupant could be found at the back wall of the room in the heavy bag area. A series of sturdy bags dangled from chains, one of them was taking a beating that would have broken most other pieces of equipment in the room if it were not designed to sustain just that. The woman in the corner stood just over six feet, toned musculature relaxing then tensing instantaneously as she pummeled the bag with a series of kicks and hooks. Commissar Raege finished her routine, and took a step back, hands still up in guarded position, breathing in deep controlled breaths, tied back hair damp with sweat.
She put her hands down, pulling the first glove off with her teeth and removed the second one with her now free hand. Walking over to the nearby square boxing platform, she took a seat and took several short drinks out of her water bottle. A somewhat distorted voice echoed in her mind “You’re hERe eARly” Raege looked over to see Jonquil walk into the gym. “So are you Quill”

“Couldt slEEp, nightmAres”

“Ah, right” Raege remembered that they were still in warp jump, even regular humans would sense the presence of unreality outside their ship’s fragile Gellar field let alone someone like Cuddles, she hoped she was doing okay. Cuddles walked over to the nearby treadmill and began jogging, Raege went back to the bag and resumed her exercise, after a while she heard the voice again “yOu seem upset”
“What Makes you Think That?” She said in between uppercuts, she went back to the bench, wiping the sweat from her face and untying her black and grey hair and breathing heavily. Jonquil turned her head to look at her and give her an incredulous expression with her limited facial movement. “Right, you know where we’re going Quill?” Cuddle shook her head, turning up the pace on the treadmill. “I’m nOt inn your hEAd, I just knOw you”

 “We’re linking up with another inquisition vessel and taking aboard some new troops, as well as a specialist team” she said that last bit with a great deal of annoyance. “troop rEEsupplYY?” her friends voice sounded as if her interest had been piqued in her mind. “Yep, troop resupply, we’ve gotten a bit low on grunts among other things, and we need every last one of them to be fit ready and rested…Especially rested” She looked to Cuddles with a somewhat accusatory stare. Cuddles continued her jog, but Raege could swear she saw her permanent smile widen just a bit. “tHAt isn’t it thOUgh. SomethING Else bOTHERs you…”

“Yep” Raege threw her towel over her shoulder “psyche evaluation crew is coming in” she said with distaste. “it wILL be fINe” Jonquil thought out loud. Raege shook her head “I just can’t stand the idea of some soft wormy little beaureacrat stuffed into a monkey suit with less than half a decade’s training telling me I’m not fit for my job” She said scowling. Cuddles slowed down her jog and cautious thought out “perHAPS you ARE beING too hARD on them, and yOURself”

“I just…It makes me uneasy y’know? Someone who spends all their time digging around in someone else’s head” She looked over, Cuddles looked almost offended “Not like that Quill, you know what I mean”

“I dONt alwAYs. I trY to stay OUt when I’m not wANtEd”

“Again, sorry, that isn’t what I meant”

“I kNOWww, nO hArm no fOUlll”

“I just can’t trust a therapist. They don’t know what the job requires, they just make their own judgements from their comfortable chairs and offices about a battlefield, pulling good soldiers off the field while others die because of it. Some useless therapist declared me unfit for service for twenty years…” Jonquil listened and thought on that, the room passed in silence for a few minutes before Raege caught her breath and stood up “You almost done?”

“A bIt longer, I’ve bEEN trying cAlisthEnics…”

“Well I’m hitting the showers, see you later”

“COnnie?”

“Hmmm?”

"wHEN arE we suppOSEd to get to rEAL space? I could USee a good nIGHTs sleep”

“Four days ago” Raege said evenly, Cuddles gave a helpless laugh that turned into a snort as Raege headed out.




(Ave Maria-Inquisition vessel)
(1300 hours, real space, docking with “Damocles” Astra Militarum vessel)

“Emperor above what an ugly outfit” The Captain said looking over the docket. They had all been handed dossiers regarding their new arrivals, the general was flipping through his looking at the accompanying images to their imports. The file was filled with still images of ramshackle looking war machines that closely resembled construction vehicles with concrete and steel domes crudely welded onto the top.

Raege stood by the dock bay door, waiting for their guest to arrive. To her side was Boone, and General Cole of the Guard regiment, and the ship’s captain. The captain lit his pipe, strictly against the rules in the docking bay, and spoke up “Ready for the annual head shrinking?”

Raege without looking at him replied “As ordered Captain, hopefully they don’t hamstring us too badly”

“Annual my ass, they can hardly get around to it once every five years or so” The general replied “I’m more concerned at the kind of new meat and vehicles we’re getting, I was informed they might cause problems”

“Every regiment has problems with each other General, its our job to make sure they fire in the same direction” Raege spoke up again, the general furrowed his brow and nodded In agreement. Raege looked back at the docket “Reforge regiment though, I’ve never heard of them until today.”

 “I’ve heard a bit” The ship’s captain spoke up “Several regular guard regiments including a penal group were cobbled together after some incident on a frozen ork world. Their general supposedly came from the penal group and is running it quite efficiently so I’ve been told”

“Scavengers, thieves and garbage diggers led by an upjumped insubordinate mutant is what I heard” The general spoke up. “Hopefully you won’t have to…dismiss…too many of them Commissar” The General nodded in her direction with a bit of jest. Raege remained stone faced and replied back “Either way general it is my opinion that this is an unnecessary stop. We could have resupplied on soldiers from a much more disciplined source and we do not need the psych staff”

“Could not agree more Comissar” The general replied, the Captain continued to smoke his pipe “I think therapy is actually quite beneficial, in the past I myself-” The captain was cut off by the airlock doors hissing as they pressurized on the other side, after a moment a loud metallic clank sounded from the other side muffled by the layers of steel osmium alloy and titanium of the ship. The door slowly slid open to reveal a hallway wide enough for five men to stand abreast with plenty of elbow room. On the other side facing them was a column of human figures. Each one wearing an angular steel helmet the  eye slits covered with clear plexiglass lenses half an inch thick. Breathing tubes ran from the armored mouth section to several areas around the back of the neck. They all wore carapace armor made from thick steel plates, the plates ever so slightly different on each one, different colors and grades of steel, many with scratches, dents, and the remainders of bullet holes that had been spot welded shut. Raege looked over them. On first glance she didn’t see any issues, they all stood still, eyes straight ahead, she noted several subtle head motions towards the middle and back indicating they were speaking to each other in low voices. Raege stepped forward to address the, Boone followed behind her, shifting her weight nervously as she looked at the still silent imposing column of troops in front of them.

Raege spoke up, her throat already cleared, their eyes were all straight ahead, “Soldiers of the Reforged legion” She projected, several towards the back straightened and looked more attentive “I am Commisar Raege, as of 1305 hours today you are under the command of myself and General DeMarcus of the Ave Maria vessel and of The Emperor’s holy ordus Inquisition. That means your orders come from us. Am I understood?”
“HAROOSH!” They all shouted in unison, Boone and the Captain flinched at the sudden deep yell. Raege and the General stood still, the general raised his eyebrow and said behind Raege “I’m going to assume that means yes” Commissar paced back and forth along the front line of the column, giving them a closer cursory inspection, their power packs were loaded into ports in their armor, why she couldn’t say, but she continued. “Officers step forward!” The first two rows of five stepped forward. “Senior officer step forward” The first soldier in the middle stepped forward, his eyes briefly glanced at Raege “Officer your helmet and your transfer orders” The figure nodded, unbuckling his helmet, hanging it on his belt and then reaching into a pouch, pulling a sealed file. Raege looked over the man, he was rough looking, probably in his thirties, close shaved hair, stubble beard and thin white scars covered his face and head.

The Commissar looked over the document and everything seemed in order, giving a satisfactory nod she looked back to him and asked “Name and rank”

“Sergent March”

“Welcome aboard Sergent, what is that yell? Haroosh?”

“Commissar, it’s their yell, in this case it means yes”

“Understood, we’ll have to discuss your use of your own cadence here. We need to be able to communicate quickly and seamlessly.”

“Of course Commissar”

“Part of your legion came from a penal group, am I going to have any issues with you or your company?"

“No Commissar, I myself came from the penal colony. We understand you are in charge. You won’t have any trouble from us”

“Good to hear, get yourself situated with the general and we will discuss command structure afterwards”

“Of course Commissar” The man clenched his fist and quickly brought it up to his chest in salute, Raege gave her own hand to eye salute and the man walked past her. He and the general had a quick, quiet discussion before he gave a signal and the entire troop column began marching forward. Their armor gave off a muffled but continuous clanking noise as they walked past, Raege noted that they would make poor choices for stealth missions if they needed their armor. Boone spoke up behind her “A younger me would have found those guys really scary”

“They’re soldiers Boone, they’re supposed to be intimidating”  Raege looked at her assistant and conceded the point with a nod “Though they seem already toughened up, that’s good, lets hope they actually hold under fire” Boone nodded, Raege looked back to her "And you have come far Boone" Boone tried and failed to suppress her smile.

Not seeing any glaring issues with the new arrivals, but reserving judgement until she saw them in action, Raege turned her attention to the back of the column, to the people she was actually dreading. Less imposing than the brutalistic armored figures that had marched before them, a small group of men and women in officer’s uniforms walked down the hallway after them. The captain leaned in near Raege and muttered “I best put my pipe away before they start making assumptions” He said with a grin, Raege not understanding the joke returned it with a stone faced silence, Boone held her data slate up to her mouth to conceal a small polite laugh. The psych personnel stopped just in front of the trio of officers and saluted, which was returned. One man from the back of the group stepped forward, Raege clenched her hands behind her back in annoyance when she saw that unlike the others this one was in civilian clothes holding a steaming mug in his hand. He walked forwards and addressed the officers with a somewhat disinterested jovial tone that grated on Raege’s nerves. “Good evening officers, I trust we did not arrive late, well, that’s a relative term with warp travel now isn’t it?”

“Indeed it is” The captain replied with a smile, the man extended his hand and they shook, he looked over the three of them.  “I see we have representatives of the Astra militarum, Astra Navalis, and Ordo Inquisition” He nodded to each of them in turn, then looked to Boone “And royalty serving with us as well” Raege and the two other officers looked to Boone, who looked uncertain as to whether or not she should speak out of turn, he answered her unspoken question “Its how you carry yourself dear, some parts of you never leave. Speaking of which, I should familiarize myself with the staff so that I might start my assignment.”

“Very good” The general spoke “Would you like to make a schedule to look over the troops?”

“Actually” the Plain clothes man produced a handwritten and sealed letter with an Inquisitor’s seal on it “My team is seeing to your soldiers, I will be working directly with the ragged edges crew” Raege drew in a silent breath and clenched her jaw. The man’s eyes immediately flitted to Raege, what she assumed he thought was a good natured smile formed as he addressed her “Commissar Raege unless I’m mistaken, I’ve been told you would disagree with the presence of myself and my team here” the general and captain both looked at her, holding silent in anticipation. Raege herself did not expect something so forward, but she remained composed, meeting his contented face she replied “It is not my place to speak against the orders of my superiors”

“Please Miss Raege, upon the authority vested in me by Inquisitor Levy you have the right to speak freely” he said with that same dismissive, jovial tone. Raege narrowed her eyes at him, the general and captain both sucked in a breath and subconsciously took a step back from the man. “I should get going to see the disposition of the troops” The general said, hastily leaving the room. The captain similarly looked around and spoke up “The ship needs someone…I’m late for a meeting at the thing I need to do” The psyche staff had already left, it was only Boone, Raege, and the psychiatrist left in the hallway. Boone could feel the waves of agitation radiating from Raege at such a flippant attitude. “Um…Commissar, should you be-“

“I’m right where I need to be Boone, you are dismissed, please make sure my schedule is in order” Raege said cooly, Boone immediately excused herself. The psychiatrist stood there alone with the commissar in the hallway, looking around to see they were alone and looked completely unworried. Raege turned to him slowly “So, Mr….”

“Doctor”

“Of course you are”

“Doctor Weldsen”

Well then…Doctor Weldsen, I have permission to speak freely I will say I do think this visit from you is entirely unnecessary, and furthermore is actively destructive to the well-being and cohesion of my unit”

“And what makes you think that?”

“Because the soldiers are not going to be honest with you, they understand that if they say the wrong thing they will be pulled from duty or committed and therefore will tell you exactly what you want to hear in order to pass your inaccurate examination in order to not destroy their own units with issues that everyone usually simply abides by peacefully”

“And what happens when they cannot abide by them peacefully?”

They can, and they do, because that is what makes the phrase –Your problem- means, they are yours, and like good disciplined people they can handle it on their own and don’t need their records and jobs thrown off by someone’s opinion about what constitutes good mental health. Doctor” Raege was edging closer to the man, she stood a bit taller than him and at this point even though her hands were clenched behind her back was practically breathing into his face. The Doctor, unphased took a slow deliberate sip from his recaff, milling around what Raege had said, before giving his answer. “Now Commissar, is that how your soldiers feel? Or is that an accurate depiction of how you feel?” Raeg narrowed her eyes at him “If you’re going to analyze me doctor I’d suggest you start somewhere other than projection”

“I’m not analyzing you Miss Raege, we are merely having a conversation”

“In my experience there is no such thing with a therapist” The Doctor shook gave a helpless laugh “I’m sensing some buttons are being pushed here”

“Your degree tell you that?”

“Basic observation does”

“Pretty sure that’s your only job, that and dismissing people for petty personal reasons” A flicker of a scowl formed in the doctor’s placid visage, his face taking on a brief glower before reverting back to his normal self. “Miss Raege, I assure you, nothing about my report is personal, it is an insult to the science to imply so. It would be impossible for me to perform my job properly if I let my own personal feelings into my work”

"There's a proper way to do your job?" Raege said with distaste, The doctor's face hardened again for a split second before taking a breath, "Yes Miss. Raege, there is, and it is looking at things with a clear open mind as objectively as possible"

“Forgive me if I don’t feel reassured doctor, I’ve had problems in the past from you type” Raege replied, her voice going dangerously emotionless. The Doctor Welden stopped, the corner of his mouth flickered upward and he took a deep sip from his mug. “You were reprimanded for actions you took that were deemed signs of mental instability” Raege stared silently at him, he continued “But Miss Raege, do you regret your past actions that got you the reprimand?”

“Are you trying to dredge things up from my past to shame me Doctor?”

“No, I am asking a genuine question. Are you the same person you were back then, and would you still perform those actions today?” This caught Raege off guard, her anger broke for a second “What does that question have to do with any of this?”

“Because that is my job, to find maladaptive behaviors and mitigate them, you seem to have done a fine job of that on yourself with some of your behaviors, and I am here to see if you are still doing that” Raege bit back her retort and instead considered his statement. Still remaining composed, the two stood in silence for a good minute.  The only sounds in the room were the low background humming of power through wires and far off circulation fans. Welden broke the silence “Well, I think we should pick up on this later, but I thank you. This has been most enlightening.”

“What exactly do you mean by that?” Raege asked, as he took a step back and began walking down the hallway. The doctor stopped and looked to her “I mean that this was a good start. We covered that you distrust me, why and some of the underlying reasons, and I truly hope you know I am telling the truth when I say I not here to go after you in any way. I’ll schedule an appointment when it is convenient for you, but I have to see to the other members of the crew”





PART TWO

Ave Maria Inquisition vessel
Repurposed store room-Therapists office
Subject-Kaz Grin

The guardsman sat uncomfortably in the chair across from Doctor Welden. He drummed his fingers on the arms of the padded armchair. “So, Mr Grin”

“Yes”

“Ah, good, for a moment there I thought I had the wrong person, you don’t really match your file” Welden said,  turning the image around so Kaz could see it. The image showed Kaz with long hair and an eyepatch over one eye, Dr. Welden’s first impression of the man sitting in front of him was how remarkably average he looked. He though if he had simply been told a guardsman would walk into his office, Kaz was probably the person he would have imagined. The man looked at his picture and shifted nervously in his seat a bit, Welden tried to put him at ease. “Lets start off with something simple, what is your daily routine like? Give me an average day in the life of you”

“Heh, well…”The man scratched his buzz cut hair “It changes depending on the situation”

“Well then give me an average day for this week” The man outlined his daily schedule, waking up, drills, cleaning, eating, carousing with his fellow crewmates in his downtime, playing dice games, all in all pretty normal, however Welden needed to address something else entirely. “Now Mr. Grin, I read in your file that your superiors reported you were under the impression that the world around you wasn’t completely real” Kaz tensed up “I wouldn’t know anything about that”  he said, Welden sighed inwardly, perhaps the Commissar was right, from what he had seen of their files everyone on this crews had some abnormality that would otherwise put them up for review in any other company “a bag of mixed nuts” was what the Imperial Guard  regular general had called the outfit, crude as the statement was Welden could see why he would make it.

“Mr. Grin, I am not here to put you away, I’m here to make sure you are well, and that definition changes from person to person.” Kaz looked at him suspiciously, Welden continued “If someone can function with an abnormality then it is not a disorder, as far as I can tell that seems to apply to most members of this crew. I am genuinely curious regarding your theory though Mr. Grin, please tell me”

“I’m not delusional” Kaz said defensively, Welden nodded and motioned for him to continue. “Are you really gonna hear me out?”

“I will listen Kaz and then give my opinion, but I won’t make my judgements until I’ve heard all of it, but I can only declare you with a clean bill of health if you are honest with me” Kaz nodded and took a deep breath. “Doctor, have you ever thought something up? Or written fiction?” The Doctor stopped and thought for a moment “Not really no, I was never much of a writer” Kaz waved his hands “That’s not important, but the important thing is that have you ever heard people ask or heard the theory that when you write fiction or you make something up that those things you imagine exist somewhere?”

Doctor Welden subtly gripped his clipboard, his pulse slightly quickened. Was this soldier talking about warp metaphysics? How in the hell could a grunt even know about theories such as that? “Not really Mr. Grin, but do go on, let us assume that somewhere in the infinite improbable universe that everything imaginary exists somewhere”

“Right! Okay, so if someone can create fictional worlds that exist within their own minds or the minds of others, what is to say that we’re at the top of this chain?” Dr. Welden sipped his coffee, this wasn’t actually bad rationale, certainly fantastical, but not irrational. “It would seem improbable given the sheer number of layers there would be in this sort of existence Mr. Grin, but please continue, how does this relate to you?” Kaz took a deep breath, put his hands together near his face and looked at the psychiatrist with the utmost sincerity. “I think we are characters inside of a fictional story”

The clock behind them ticked as several silent seconds went by slowly. Dr Welden tapped his pen on his armchair “I see, and how does this affect you?”

“What?”

“How does this affect you? If we are indeed characters within a story, how is it any different from normal existence outside of one?”

“Well, for one, the story is subject to the whims of the author and audience, what if people start disliking a character and the author decides to kill him off because they are too boring?”

“Do you feel that you fit such a description?”

“I don’t know, but I keep trying to find ways to keep myself safe, new looks, hobbies, interests…”

“So you feel threatened by this author? Do you think he is watching or writing us right now?” Kaz scratched his head “I don’t know, there are always gaps in a story that the author never writes, or maybe I don’t know one of the readers of the story has their own stories they write that are less popular but still influence our existence in some small way, and who knows what kind of random deviancies a fan writer would create”

“Now Kaz, what if and bear with me here, what if your author has a strong opinion regarding this story and doesn’t kill off characters just because the audience finds them boring? Some of the greatest works of art are considered dull by the masses but beloved by the writers and critics, or what if the writer stops the story?” Kaz pondered this “I think we would cease to exist”

“But Kaz, you yourself said there are parts of every story that the writer does not write, the parts no one cares to read about, but can you remember everything that happened to you today?” Kaz thought back “I can”

“Exactly, now do you think that its likely that a writer would write a scene for every single person on this ship brushing their teeth or folding their sheets? What kind of story would that be? So clearly your existence goes on even in boring parts as you have described them” Kaz stood up and paced around the room. The doctor followed him with his eyes. Kaz turned around to the doctor excited as if he had just remembered something. “This entire crew has to be a story because of how unlikely it is!”

“What do you mean?”

“There are too many women in this military crew!” Doctor Welden raised an eyebrow at that one “Mr. Grin, there are five hundred trillion human beings in the Imperium of man, more than half of them are women and the Imperial Guard recruits everyone it possibly can. Women are not rarities in the guard, and this crew and the accompanying army seem to have a reasonable distribution”

“Yes! But everyone on this crew even the men have far too many unique qualities!”

“Mr. Grin, the ragged edges is a scratch regiment composed of leftover soldiers from multiple cultures and planets, also not a rarity in the guard, and you cannot seriously suggest that individual people don’t all have their own unique traits about them” Kaz thought on that, pacing back and forth, trying to come up with something else, snapping his fingers he looked back “Everyone is far too attractive for that to be reasonable” Dr. Welden, suppressed a smile, at that last one, looking back at the guardsman. “I believe that is a matter of perspective Mr. Grin, personally I don’t see what you are talking about, most of the people here look quite normal to me, actually most have a few scars, mech joints, and even mutations that many would consider unsightly. I personally don’t really find any of your crewmates particularly appealing”

Kaz looked at him helplessly, the doctor looked at Kaz again, then nodded “Perhaps you are referring to the fact that most people on this ship are in good physical shape, which is often correlated to attractiveness, I would like to remind you Mr. Grin that this is a military outfit with strict standards on physical fitness, perhaps you just have a wide range of what you consider attractive, honestly I would count that as an advantage”

Kaz paced around for a bit, getting a bit agitated “You don’t believe me do you Doctor, go ahead, write down that I’m nuts but still fit to be a meat shield like everyone else” The Doctor stopped and put down his pen. “Actually Mr. Grin, I don’t know if you are correct or incorrect” Kaz stopped pacing and looked at him with a bit of surprise, the doctor continued. “However Mr. Grin I don’t think it matters either way”

“How do you figure?”

“Well, Mr. Grin, if this entire reality was written and controlled by an external force, then it would mean that our fears and anxieties didn’t have any impact whatsoever since we truly would have no control over them to begin with.” Kaz’s eyes widened a bit, the doctor continued “Now, if the author writes something, it happens, including the thoughts and actions of the characters as well as their fates, meaning that if there was an author, and he did wish to have a character disposed, then the characters actions couldn’t do anything to deviate from that seeing as they are all written by the author”

Kaz sat down in the chair, slowly sinking into it staring blankly ahead “Now don’t despair Mr. Grin, what this means is that whether or not your theory is correct it means that whether there is or is not an author is meaningless as we cannot perceive their influence or differentiate between their influence and our own will.” He handed Kaz a ceramic mug “Do something that you wouldn’t normally do” Kaz hesitated, the doctor persisted “It’s yours to do with as you please, no consequences, just do something that you don’t think the writer would want” Kaz hesitated, looking at the mug with uncertainty, then back to the doctor “Go on Kaz, do something nonsensical, Go on” Kaz abruptly hurled the mug at the wall, the mug flew just past the doctor’s head shattering against a bookshelf. The Doctor did not flinch, a second of silence rang through the room and several books teetered off the shelf and fell to the floor. Doctor Welden smiled “Now why didn’t you hit me with the coffee mug?”

“I…Didn’t want to hurt you, did you want me to?”

“It wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened, and no, I’m glad you didn’t, but you said YOU didn’t want to hurt me. You, Kaz Grin. So did that come from your own will or this hypothetical author?”

“I…Don’t know” Kaz said, adrenaline pumping after nearly hitting an old man with a ceramic mug and pondering all of the potential outcomes if actually had. “Exactly, as far as you know Kaz, that was your decision, your will, uncontrolled by the Author, and if the author cannot control your will there is no reason to suspect he can control the story or even exists.” Kaz looked up at the doctor “You are the master of your own fate, within reason of course, you still have an obligation to the Imperial Guard.” He smiled and refilled his recaff. “Kaz, I would like to schedule a follow up appointment in a week, but until then I want you to try and do at least one productive thing you don’t usually do so that you can reinforce the fact that you control your own actions and fate”  He nodded and walked out of the office.

Kaz left the office feeling lighter, considering all of the implications of his life not actually being a story. Smiling, he started to whistle walking back to his shift duties. He stumbled and the pieces of broken ceramic he was planning to throw away fell to the floor, shrugging and going to pick them up, he noticed they formed the words “you are not insane”




PART 3

Ave Maria Inquisition vessel
Repurposed store room-Therapists office
Subject-Conrad Raege


Dr. Welden was running late, well, late for his standards. His follow up with the Commissar was in a few minutes and he wasn’t in his office. Walking as quickly as he could with his mug, he rounded the corner and saw a familiar tall black haired figure standing outside of his office door, arms clasped behind her back standing rail straight in perfect unmoving posture. The Doctor ran over what he had learned from his last encounter, he still didn’t quite understand the Commissar just yet, he touched on a few issues but he suspected there was more to dig at before he truly got to work. As he approached she turned her head and followed his progress to the door with that same stern face with a touch of contempt , Welden assumed that her expression was the default for exuding authority, and it certainly did its job. “Ah Commissar, right on time”

“Are you?” she asked archly, Welden smiled and fished his keycard out of his jacket pocket, opening the door and motioning her inside, looking at the clock it was mercifully not past their arrival time, he figured that if he had been late, it would have elevated her already difficult to work with hostility. “Sorry about that, I like to stretch my legs every now and again”

“You should consider doing it more often” Raege said as she walked in, looking around the office, taking in ever detail. Welden patted his own paunchy midriff, he wasn’t fat by any means but had certainly gone soft in the decades he had been doing this job. Sighing he sat down in his chair and waited for the Commissar to look back to him, still gazing around his office she asked “So how long is this supposed to take? I have other duties to attend to”

“Well Miss Raege, that depends entirely on how much progress we make.”

“I see, and what is the definition of progress?” She turned back to him and asked, still standing, The Doctor motioned again for her to sit and replied “That depends from person to person, but since you are eager to start, please have a seat” The officer took her hat off and put it down on the table, sitting down in the armchair, giving the cushioned seat a look of disapproval as she sank backwards into it before electing to sit up straight with her back not touching the cushion. “Right, let’s get this done”

“Very good, so let’s start with something simple” The doctor smiled, getting his pen and clipboard, he rested his glasses on the bridge of his nose and relaxed “How was your day?”

“Productive, until now”

“Ah, and what makes a productive day for you?”

“Order, obedience, good morale, and no personal conflicts” She said evenly, staring directly at his eyes, the doctor smiled at her response “It seems we have similar job goals Commissar” She narrowed her eyes at him, it was subtle, but he registered it. “You disagree?”

“I do”

“Well, tell me what you believe is different about our chosen vocation?”

“Chosen is a strong word doctor” Raege said, her eyes flashing a bit, Welden wrote down in his notes that the commissar was more likely to reveal personal details when agitated. This would be a fine line to walk. Never the less, he continued.  “Ah but we do, we both defend humanity in our own way, from different threats” Raege glowered at him, the therapist remained unflapped as he took a sip of his recaff “tell me Commissar, what is more dangerous in your opinion, an enemy running screaming at you with murderous intent, or a squadmate next to you that you don’t completely trust?” Raege opened her mouth to respond, but then pondered the question for a bit. She didn’t want to agree with him, but he did have a point, a small one, but still. “This is why summary executions are part of my job”

“Ah yes, and sometimes sadly necessary considering the creatures you fight. The things we ask our guardsmen to do can break the mind if they are not properly prepared, now who do you think writes those preparations or maintains the mental fortitude of those soldiers?”

“Themselves mostly, and officers such as myself that do the real work”

“Ah yes, but the less you have to do the better, and the greater the mental stability of a soldier, the less of a chance that they will be the weak link in the chain that gets everyone on our side killed” Raege remained silent, the man continued, in that same matter of fact tone “and of course the one who is under the most stress who has to endure the most mental punishment, is the one who has to maintain this discipline in the field, and that person would be you would it not?”

“It is, which is why I don’t need therapy”

“Now it’s my turn to disagree with you Miss Raege. Dismissing that out of hand is quite hazardous”

“You think I’m a hazard doctor?” Raege asked, her jaw clenching, Welden held up his hands, and gave a helpless expression “I do not make assumptions about the soldiers under my care, I am only here to observe and analyze”

“And what have you observed about me?” she gestured to the notepad he had been scribbling in. The doctor looked back to her. “I have observed that you are hostile towards therapists”

“Your powers of observation astound me” She said dryly, the doctor let that slide off of him and continued. “I have observed the reason for this is that you believe your mind to be very well honed and that you take issue with anyone questioning your competence in this regard or in any other” Raege felt a flash of anger go through her at this paper pusher telling her she couldn’t take criticism. Raege stopped for a second to realize the contradiction of that, then her anger turned to discomfort when she realized this therapist’s comment was actually on the mark. Dr. Welden studied her face, she was expertly composed, but he had seen this before and recognized the signs. She shifted her weight slightly, a dry swallow, a slight rising of the eyebrows in the center of the face, he made another targeted guess. “I have also observed that you have a great amount of discomfort with anyone getting too intimate with your mind”

“Find me someone who likes having someone dig around inside of their head!” Raege raised her voice a bit, Welden remained unshaken. “Not my intent, nor within my capability. I am no psyker Miss Raege, I can no more get inside of your head than I can lift this mug without the aid of my arm” He took another sip, watching her closely. “I can only see what you show me, and anything done to your mind in this office can only be done by your action.” That seemed to set her at ease a bit. She was still tense, but notably less so. He had struck something, so he continued “Tell me Miss Raege, did something happen to you in the past that made you so...reactive to such things? Did you have a poor encounter with a psyker?”

The doctor watching closely saw absolutely nothing on her face, she held it completely stoic with an iron grip. Her breath stopped for a few seconds as Dr. Welden kept his inquisitive look. Eventually she responded “I had an unfortunate encounter, but them being a psyker had very little to do with it” she said with a flat tone, the doctor continued “How long ago was this encounter?”

“Decades ago”

“Can you be a bit more specific?” Welden asked, Raege clenched and unclenched her fist, her eyes blinked once or twice and the therapist noted her hands unconsciously flinched upwards as if towards her face, she eventually responded “It was a series of events that happened over seventy years ago” Raege for the first time during the session stopped staring directly at the therapist and lowered her gaze to look at the floor. Welden had to remind himself that the woman sitting before him was over ninety years old, despite looking in her late thirties early forties.  Welden pressed sensing a serious issue being uncovered, but like all issues in the minds of proud people, it constantly attempted to dig deeper and farther away from him. “Who was this person Miss Raege?”

“Read my file if you want to waste your time, it’s meaningless”

“If it causes you anguish to talk about Miss Rage, It is my opinion that it means quite a bit” She looked up, Welden saw uncertainty cross her hardened features before she fell back onto her emotional crutch of anger and scowled “It was my father, and he’s dead so it doesn’t matter anymore” Raege said with a finality that Dr. Welden did not want to challenge, sensing that she was at the edge of her own patience. After that, Welden directed the conversation elsewhere, her duties, daily routines. The conversation meandered with no real substance until a loud click sounded from the gearwork brass and wooden clock “I’m afraid that’s our time for today”

“For today?”

“Yes, I’d like to schedule another follow up appointment, it’s been hectic and I think we touched on some important points that we should continue.”  Raege had seemed hopeful when Welden had called it time, but slipped smoothly back into irritation, he spoke up again “I also noticed that you dislike being called Miss Raege, can I call you Conrad? I find saying Commissar over and over to be a bit of a chore” Raege took in a deep breath “You may” she said tentatively. “Very well Conrad I hope to see you in my office again within the week, I think we’ve made a bit of progress today”

Commissar Raege nodded curtly, gathered her hat and hurried out of the office. Cursing under her breath that she had to go back to the therapist's office. Her head swam with conflicting thoughts regarding what had just happened, part of her felt like a great tension had built up and needed to be let go, the other bid her to ignore it. As she briskly walked away, Raege felt a pressure in her face somewhere above her sinuses and an old familiar feeling well up in her. Suddenly realizing what was happening, she immediately on reflex forced down the old sadness. She then quickly looked around to see if anyone was watching her, her anger and sadness turning to panic. If anyone had seen her express weakness...she didn't want to think about it. Looking back at the therapist's door as if it were a live bomb she turned her boot and walked towards her own quarters. She needed a stiff drink and some time to think about how she was going to get out of the third session.






PART 4
Ave Maria-Inquisition vessel
Real space




Raege walked down the corridors of the Ave Maria, they were still floating in real space docked with the “Damocles” four days after initial docking and had yet to make warp jump. Such delays were normal with war machines large as the Imperial guard, but recent events had left her short on patience and easily aggravated. The captain had told her something about “damaged power conduits” or something, he wasn’t entirely sure as the Mechanicus that maintained the ship fiercely guarded their knowledge on the inner workings of the ship, or lack thereof. Either way Raege was eager to get underway and put something preferably inhuman on the receiving end of her bolt pistol. She had been going to the gym and oddly enough seeing Kaz in there who seemed much more relaxed than usual. Raege had assumed this was his new temporary personality, but his repeated attempts to spot her or strike up conversation were not welcome in her current mood.
Everyone, she noticed seemed to be in good spirits, after leaving Dr. Welden’s office most of the ragged edges crew seemed either lost in thought or content. Her own appointment floated up in the air for several days until Dr. Welden had released a firm calendar. Raege’s third round with him would be in two days. That was two days to get out of therapy. She had checked for distress signals, sent out communiques requesting sit reps from nearby systems even though she knew it would take weeks for them to respond. Eventually she decided to go directly into the belly of the ship to try and understand exactly why they weren’t moving, anything to keep her mind occupied and off of what they had spoken of their past session.

Not that there were not plenty of distractions, the hiatus from action had left the ground crew of both ships with an inordinate amount of free time and the respective armies were walking around both ships carousing with each other. Normally this would give Raege a tremendous amount of work but it seemed as if strife was difficult to find. She had tried to get invested herself, Lockwood had invited her to the officer’s club to meet several of the other army but Raege couldn’t find it in herself to go out socializing at the moment. So here she found herself, walking briskly to the engine room wondering what was taking them so long.
As she approached the massive sealed door, Raege came across the captain of the ship walking with a red hooded figure towards the same door. The captain spoke up “Ah Commissar, headed to the engine room?”

“How did you know?”

“I didn’t, it was a guess, and I guess we are now walking towards the same path. I was just talking with our head magus as to what was taking so long”  The magus turned to Raege, his head rotated without disturbing the rest of his body or his smooth stride with a smooth clicking noise, under the hood Raege could see a dozen green view lights and several writhing mechanical claws in place of a mouth, but the rest was concealed in shadow. A voice box near the center of the Magus projected a distorted human voice while the “head” expressed something similar to body language. “REGRETABLY THE MACHINE SPIRITS HAVE NOT BEEN MOVED BY OUR HOLY RITES OF SOOTHING” it projected, Raege walked with them, scowling a bit “Well is there any way to convince them of the seriousness of our situation?”

“THERE IS NOTHING GREATER THAN THE MACHINE SPIRIT, WE ARE BUT INSECTS TO THEM” the machine man retorted “TO RUSH THE MACHINE SPIRIT IS TO DISRESPECT IT, AND IT IS THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS US ALIVE IN THE VOID”

“Very well, I’m still going down there to see if there is anything I can do”

“DO AS YOU WISH AGENT OF THE INQUISITION, JUST DO NOT DISTURB OUR SENSITIVE CEREMONIES” They got to the massive sealed door several hooded figures were outside of the door whirring, clicking, and gesturing wildly at several steel clad figures standing in front of it. The captain tried to speak up but Raege beat him to it “What is the meaning of this soldier?”

“Commissar, our engine crew and mechanicus is in there attempting to help with the issue”

“THE REFORGED ARE ABOARD MY HOLY SHIP?!” The machine man projected with urgency, the volume and pitch remaining the same. The magos turned to the other tech priests and projected at them “BOLT! DOWN! EVERYTHING!” Raege was relieved, there was finally an issue that wouldn’t sort itself out. She needed to placate the mechanicus first “Soldier unlock this door right now and let them into the engine room”

“Oh, right, the door is already unlocked. We never sealed it, the tech priests left the room of their own volition” Raege turned to the agitated tech priests “You were not forced out of the engine room?”

“They (whirring and clicking noises) profaned the holy conduits! We could not stand by so they told us we could either watch them work or leave!” Raege nodded and turned back to the armored guardsman. “Who gave you the authority to board this ship and enter the engine?”
“Oh, that would be me Commissar” The captain spoke up, She turned to him with an expression between anger and incredulity, the magos turned on him as well, mechanical arms shaking under his robes. The captain took a step back from both of them “Now don’t look at me like that, the Reforged have a good track record with their engineers being able to fix things, I had a nice discussion with their general and I let them have a crack at it”

“WE MUST GO AT ONCE!” The magus projected, running past the armored guards who did nothing to impede his path. Raege followed quickly, pointing her finger at the guards and techpriests “Neither of you move until I get back”. The door was opened and the first thing Raege noticed was the sound. Music, or what could be called music echoed out the door, power chords and a man’s voice singing about “a rainbow in the dark” A dozen tech priests milled about the room aided by lumbering servitors and dozens of other men and women in hard hats and work coveralls were ostensibly hard at work with welding torches wrenches and other assorted tools.

The magos glided into the room immediately finding the his counterpart tech priest and the two of them immediately started shouting at each other in human voices and what sounded like binary code and radio static. Raege decided to keep an eye on that but let that carry on until they started physically attacking each other. Her eyes glancing around the room, most of the workers all looked at the new arrivals, some of them glancing in her direction in fear or surprise. “Good” she thought. Putting on her best contemptuous glare, she marched forwards with purpose, no one interceded and anyone in her way made haste to get out of it. She found someone who wasn’t buried in their work and walked over to them. The worker gave a hasty fist clenched salute, Raege did not return it “Where is your foreman?” she asked, her voice cutting through the din of the room, the man pointed to a short, reddish skinned, powerfully built figure at work with an angle grinder on a massive steel pipe Raege walked over.

The man was cutting through the last section of Pipe when Raege got to him, the massive steel tube lowered onto his shoulder, his hand snapped up and held it there. His arms seemed to ripple as he grabbed the pipe, having strange musculature lines that shouldn’t be there in a human. He looked to turn around, then seeing the Commissar, motioned with his other hand for her to move. She did not. Shaking his head he gestured and two other workers showed up and grabbed either side of the pipe, grunting in exertion they put it on their shoulders and walked away with it. Turning around Raege got a look at his face and her glare deepened, instinctively she felt the need to take a step back. While normal at a side glance, his features when faced head on were distinctly off, predatory almost. Raege guessed this was one of the mutants from the penal legion. Back into composure Raege motioned to the side of the room away from the music so that they could talk.

They got to the side of the room, the arguing tech priests still within sight but the music and other background noises lessened, Raege turned on the man. He was shorter than her, taller than Boone, but his limbs and general build exuded strength, she guessed he weighed more than she did. Raege cut right to the chase and asked “Are you heading up this operation?”

“Indeed I am, don’t worry we’ll be out of your hair in a few days, though honestly I could stand the company a bit longer” He responded in a deep voice looking her over while flashing a wry smile, a smile with pointed ends and teeth, Raege was reminded vaguely of Jonquil for a moment. Raeg spoke up again “What are you doing in the engine room?”

“Repairing your power conduits, the surface functions are all good and well kept up by your crew but you have some serious deep seated problems in here”

“And why haven’t our tech priests seen this problem?” Raege asked, the man gave gestured around the engine room and replied “Well because they’ve been too careful with her. Honestly the Ave Maria is a big sturdy gal! She’s a battle hardened war machine, you can’t just caress her delicates, sometimes you gotta get all up in her business with a big ol’ hard reset and rough up her insides! you know what I’m talking about”. Raege narrowed her eyes at him, he sighed, his smile lessened and he continued “Okay you don’t know what I’m talking about.” He stood up straighter and addressed in a more formal tone “The problem can’t be fixed with surface maintenance you need to replace several large parts that we can fabricate aboard the Damocles in our machine shop”

“Very well, I’m still giving the order to cease operations until further notice”

“With all due respect, let’s talk about that first” he said. Raege stepped closer to him, the man did not move, but raised an eyebrow and met her eye “Where is your superior soldier? I may have to inform them they didn’t understand enough to listen to an officer of the Commissariat”

“I’m afraid that’s the issue Commissar. Again, with all due respect, technically I have no superior on this ship” Raege heard this, wordlessly and deliberately she unsnapped the leather binding on her bolt pistol, resting her hand on it keeping her glare directly into the man’s eyes. The man’s good natured grin disappeared, and the background sounds of the room seemed to fade away into complete silence for a brief moment, then came back. The man took a deep breath, still with his stern expression and replied “My apologies Commissar, I am General Kole of the Reforged legion” Raege continued to glare at him looking for signs of dishonesty. She didn’t believe him. They kept eye contact for a few moments, then the captains voice sounded out “General my good general, I see you’ve met Commissar Raege”

“We’re just getting to know each other! Private conversation please, if you would!” Kole called out not breaking eye contact with the Commissar. The captain looked at the two of them, and walked off with a concerned look. She slowly secured the strap on her bolt pistol and both of them took a single step back. “General, you may want to be more forthright in the future”

“Probably, and you may want to have a bit more patience if you don’t mind me saying”

“I do mind. I am short on patience at the moment, and while you have no superior technically aboard this vessel, I would like to remind you that as an agent of the Inquisition and Commissar, I speak with the authority of Inquisitor Levy and the Commissariat, which supersedes your own.”

“True and true” The man shrugged and removed his hard hat revealing a tangle of dark hair which he shook out and scratched deeply. He continued “I understand your suspicion. I didn’t do myself any favors with my own presentation” he motioned to himself. He was streaked with sweat and grease, dressed in work pants and a tank top that seemed a size too small, burned and cut in places. Raege looked him over and nodded “Indeed, my point stands, order your work crew to stand down, general”

“Very well” He walked over to the edge of the workplace and gave a series of whistles and gestures. After several annoyed groans from the crew, they began to shut off their power tools and carry them away. The music stopped completely just as the song was shouting something about being “Caught in the middle” The two groups of tech priests were still shouting at each other in electronic squawks and high pitched tones. Several of the reforged mechanics were carrying off pipes and wiring from the engine room. Raege looked at Kole expectantly, he pointed to them and responded “We’re gonna bring you back some new materials, we just want the old ones”

“Absolutely not”

“I’m going to do what you say now, but perhaps I can convince you later?” Raege stared at him, mulling things over in her mind. The general wanted something from her that she could authorize. While she detested playing politics, the opportunity in front of her was impossible to miss. “I will hear you out General, at a time of my choosing”

“Very well, soon I hope, every day we sit around here is another day someone dies from lack of reinforcements.” Raege nodded at this “Soon, within two days at the absolute most”

“Okay excellent, though I have plenty of things to keep me busy in the meantime, truly that is the one thing I’m never short on these days” He gave a hollow laugh and for a moment Raege saw a great tiredness flash across his face, then it was replaced by his grin. The sounds faded as the two groups of tech priests backed away from each other, the Ave Maria mechanicus running back to the machinery and immediately placing the removed parts back into position.

The two of them watched this process, Raege with a passive expression and Kole with a somewhat pained expression as he watched a day’s worth of labor undone. Raege broke the silence “So it’s a bit strange, you being general”

“Because I’m a mutant.” He said flatly, Raege gave a quiet internal laugh and responded “Because you come from a penal legion, I was under the impression the best you could hope for was serving in the regular guard, that and you don't strike me as a leader”

"And why might that be?" he asked genuinely curious, Raege said with all sincerity "Because you do not strike fear into the hearts of your men"  Kole stretched out his arms and back, looking back at her "Not all obedience comes from fear, respect and trust if far more potent I've found"

"Respect comes from fear" Raege replied, Kole thought for a moment "I would say someone who trusts you to keep them or what they care for safe is far more stable than obedience through what you might do to them or that which they care for" Raege shrugged "Its still unusual"

"You know, for the Commissar of the Ragged edges crew, you certainly have a sensitivity to strange circumstances in the Imperial guard”  Raege conceded this  point with a nod. The General spoke up again “Speaking of strangeness, do you have a friend who can turn invisible and enjoys climbing?”

“Why would you ask?” Raege did not look at him, her eyes glanced upward noticing several rafters where someone could be perched, the general responded “Because she has been watching us this entire time”

“Yes, she is quite protective of me on occasion.” Raege said with full confidence, Kole retorted “Actually I mean she’s been up there watching my crew and I lift heavy things for several hours and I’ve known this the entire time” He looked directly upward at a spot and then followed something with his eyes. A tall, lanky pale psyker in a blue synth skin with a wide toothy smile materialized in front of them where he was looking, his gaze immediately went up to her face and he gave an intrigued smile. “Hello there, I'm General Kole, very nice to meet you…oh right” he said, his head flinching back a bit. The two of them stared at each other, changing posture and facial expression. Anyone other than Raege would have been confused but she knew they were having a conversation.

Raege watched the back and forth for a moment “General I’ll be contacting you regarding that meeting in a day”

“Very good Commissar, much obliged” he turned to face her then resumed his internal conversation with Cuddles, Raege turned to her “Quill I’m heading out to deal with the magos, he’s going to require some convincing.”

“I’m sURe you’ll dO just fINE, but gOOd luck All the sAMe” Raege nodded leaving the two of them alone as they continued whatever it was they were talking about, it was impossible to eavesdrop. Though she did hear as they left Kole laugh and trail off “Honesly its not every day someone asks me about the internal workings of the recycler…” Raege didn’t listen much further, she had an easy favor with this general, all she had to do was authorize some repairs and he might be able to pull enough strings to get Dr. Welden off this ship and far away from her head.



PART 5
New paste, enjoy
https://pastebin.com/u9kLWw3v