Pro-wrestling style introduction…
V/O - Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and everyone, guys, gals, and non-binary pals, welcome to the largest, audience judged theater competition in the wooooooooorld, welcome everyone to ShortLived VIII!
MUSIC CUE -
HOST and PRODUCER stand center stage soaking in the wild applause.
HOST
My name’s HOST.
PRODUCER
And I’m Producer.
HOST
And it’s our great pleasure to welcome you to the nation’s largest audience-judged theater competition ShortLived VII!
PRODUCER
That’s right folks, it’s our 7th installment of ShortLived and this year over 200 artists have put together 48 plays competing over 9 weeks for the grand prize of $5,000.
HOST
That’s so much money!
PRODUCER
That might not seem like much to anyone in the tech world, but for artists it’s a lot.
HOST
That’s right, $5000 in teh tech world is equal to like $3.4 billion in the indy arts world. OK, let me hear you if you’ve been to ShortLived before?
At least a couple drunk idiots cheer loudly to let everyone know how cool they are.
HOST
Awesome, so you guys should know how it works, and for those who don’t, here’s the deal. ShortLived is a 9 week competition, broken into 8 regular season rounds, and one Finals round. Each round lasts one week and there are 6 plays per round. So tonight, you’ll see six plays and rank them from first place to sixth place, first being your favorite play, sixth being your slightly less favorite play. And at the end of each night and each week, we tally up the ballots and the highest scoring play from each round clinches a spot in the Finals (August 22-25). That process then repeats itself seven more times until we have 8 plays in the 9th week, the Finals, and the highest scoring play from Finals will win the grand prize of $5,000
PRODUCER
Now there are a couple rules that need to be mentioned.
HOST
Important rules!
PRODUCER
First, we will only count scorecards that are turned in at the end of the show. So you can’t duck out at intermission and have your vote counted.
HOST
If your ballot isn’t completely filled out, I will take it and throw it on the ground. And then pick it up and put it in recycling.
PRODUCER
Second, you must give each play a different ranking. No first place ties ok? Like, you might have LOVED one piece, but then your friend was in a different piece, you can’t just rank them the same - YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE.
HOST
And if we find a ballot that ranks multiple pieces the same I will throw it on the ground. Then pick it up and put it in recycling.
PRODUCER
And nobody wants that to happen.
HOST
Ok! Now that we’ve explained absolutely everything and you guys have zero questions...we’re going to keep explaining it. Because ranking is hard. And I know this because San Francisco recently had an election, and it took them three months to figure out who won. So, Producer, why don’t you and I do a little competition and the audience can rank us. Sound good?
PRODUCER
Sure. What kind of competition?
HOST
Singing? Dancing?
[At this point each Producer and Host will compete in a contest that is geared towards Producer strengths - with the goal being that the Host always loses to the producer (or the other way around). Essentially, one person is really good at something, the other is not, and the person who is not is the Heel (bad guy), and the person who’s good at the talent is the Babyface (good guy). Then you do an audience vote by applause. Whoever loses is mock-pissed, asks, “Who voted for me?” And then give beers to whoever says they did.]
PRODUCER
Alright folks, are you ready to get this show started? Our first piece tonight is “_______” written by ______ and directed by ______. So ladies and everyone, sit back, relax, and enjoy ShortLived VII!!
CLOSING CURTAIN SPEECH
Thanks everyone for coming out to ShortLived!! Ok guys, it’s the moment of truth. Please fill out your scorecards completely and correctly, and hand them in to PRODUCER. And remember if they’re not complete and correct I will take that ballot and throw it on the ground.
Also, I want to say one thing here. About a month ago we launched a Patreon. It’s like Kickstarter in that it’s a way for people to make small monthly contributions to creative things they think are important. You know, less than what you give to the Faceless executives of Netflix every month. So if you think that having a creative space in the most expensive city in North America is important, if you think it’s important that we’re doing 48 plays by over 200 artists and that the largest audience judged theater competition doesn’t happen in Chicago or New York or LA but happens right here, in the Bay, then consider making a small monthly contribution to our Patreon. If you sign up with me, I’ll buy you a beer.
Ok that’s it. Please turn in your scorecards to PRODUCER, we are going to take those downstairs and do, math, and then we will announce the leaderboard in the bar in about 30-40 minutes. So hang out, have a drink, buy these guys a drink and give it up one more time for the cast of ShortLived Round __!!!