Thread 20: Stories 46-60

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
~~~
Pinkie enters an empty room

>Wow, this place is boring. Why am I here? Why am I here alone even?

Because you wanted screentime, and some of us are sick your fourth wall breaking shenanigans

>Oh, shi-! The fourth wall police!

Pinkie takes a seat in the chair

>no! I don't want to!

PINKIE TAKES A SEAT IN THE CHAIR

>P-please... Stop.

Sorry, Pinkie, you're in Stalliongrad now, and here, Fourth Wall Breaks you

>I'll be fine when this is over! I'll be fine when this is over! It's not canon! It's not canon! IT'S NOT CANON!

Maybe not, but your tendency to break the wall means once you get back into canon, you will remember this

Pinkie sits down, and watches The Best of Marty Ingles

>I HATE YOU!

Pinkie then looks forward to White Girls coming on next

>ARGH!
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Non-canon
>Shining Armor
~~~
Shining Armor watched White Chicks and found it amazing

>Wow, this movie is amazing!
~~~

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>Spike
"Blueblood"
'Rekulk'
~~~~~~~~

>Yes.

"No! I am not carrying your luggage! I am not a common bellhop!"

>You're better suited for it.

"Get his to do it!"

'HIISSsss... Nooooooo....'

>See? He says no.

"I said no too!"

>Yeah, but he traded me this nifty aqua sapphire for some of my scrap metal.

"...Really? That is a steal."

>I know, but he seemed like he needed it.

*CRUNCH!!*

>And there ish no queshtion thish is delishious!

"Ah. You do realize that was worth a lot of bits before you ate it, right?"

'Biiiiiisssssshhhhhhh? Hisss....'

"Can you even breath properly in that thing?"

'...Harrrrrddd.... Hissss...'

"Are we almost ready to go yet?"

>Mostly done, yeah. So if you want to back out now...

"Oh come off it, I already said I was going to come along. Even if our company is... less than savory."

'Hisss... knooowww.... you suuuuuuuccck...'

>...Man, he is growing on me.
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>Chitania
"Driver pony"
'Bandits'
{???}
~~~~

>Oh nooooo....

"Can ya'll stop tryin' ta' antagonize the bandits surroundin' us with guns?"

>I'm sorry, I'm just so scared. Really.

'This little lady's thinkin' we're a joke!'

'Well boss, maybe we ought ta' show her somethin' that ain't a joke? Eh? Ehhhh?'

>You're giving off conflicting signals. You want to show me something I won't laugh at, but you keep gesturing towards your dick.

'OHHHHHHH!'

'BUUURRRN!'

'Ah' felt that one clear from here!'

'YOU BITCH! Ah'll blow yer' legs full of holes!'

>Can't imagine a worse fate.

"Can Ah' just clarify Ah' never met her in mah' life, she just needed a ride?"

'Bitch, we'll teach you a lesson the hard way! The HARD hard way!'

>No, please, not that. However will I live with myself knowing someone like you did that.

'WHY YOU!'

>No, I'm really asking. Pretty sure I wouldn't be able to look in the mirror if someone like you fucked me.

'THAT'S IT! LIGHT THIS BITCH UP!'

'DAMN STRAIGHT!'

A feral grin spread across her face.

>Well, if you want to light a bitch up-

{THEN I'LL BE HAPPY TO OBLIGE! HAHAHAHAHAHA!}

'WHAT IN TARNATION-'

A burning red chain swung down, lassoing one of the bandits and dragging him up into the air, screaming all the way.

'SHIT! IT'S HIM!'

'AH' DON' WANNA GET MAH' SOUL EATEN!'

They panicked and tried to run, but they didn't get far.

"The demon..."

Ignoring the cries of pain coming from the group dangling by their legs by still hot chains, a fiery creature landed before the pair.

{GLAD I COULD BE OF ASSISTANCE TO YOU, CITIZEN!}

>Oh, thank you for your help, what ever would we have done without you.

"...Missy, ya'll have social problems."

{Anything else I can do for you fine folks?}

>Yeah, mind popping my popcorn real quick? I'm hungry.

{OF COURSE!}

*FWOOOSH!*

>Thanks.

{NOW, I MUST BE OFF! AWAAAAYYYY! AHAHAHAHAHAHahahha....!}

>... Definitely Carabidae.

"What?"

>I said fuck you.

"...Like ah' said, serious social problems."
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Applejack, Celestia, Luna, Chrysalis, Zecora, Rarity, Twilight, and countless other mares found themselves unable to explain the sending which had drawn them to this old amphitheater in the Canterlot gardens, but before they could question it, the lights on the stage came on revealing The Queenlings.

And with them, 56.

"OOOOOOOH! You gonna take me home tonight!"

They five of them all sang as one.

"OOOOOOOH! Down beside that red firelight!

OOOOOOOH! You gonna let it all hand out!

Fat plotted mares you make the rockin' world go 'round!"
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>SA
"Sombra"
'??'
~~~~~

>GET DOWN FROM THERE RIGHT NOW!

"Shining Armor, would you please stop screaming? It is very... what are you doing?"

>I AM SCREAMING AT-

"GAH!"

>...Sorry, I'm screaming at a certain SOMEONE who needs to come down.

"...Is it a cloud?"

>What? No, why would I be screaming at a cloud?

"A pegasus could be on it."

>I guess, but wouldn't I be screaming at the pegasus, not the cloud?

"Yes, but it could just as easily be your wife, one of the other princesses, or a changeling. Rather than list all of them, it is far easier to just put a blanket term on the space in particular you are screaming at."

>...Can changelings cloudwalk?

"...Huh..."

>...huh....

"...Oh! Who were you screaming at?"

'WHEEEEEEEEEEE!'

>Who do you think?

'WHEEEEEEE AH'M FLYIN'!'

"Is she..."

>Strapped to a kite? Yes. Yes she is.

"...Can't she already..."

>Yes. Yes she can.

'WHEEEE!'

>I SAID COME DOWN!...NONONONO-

*BOOOOM!*

"You asked for it."

>S-shut... up...

'HEE! Can I get on the kite again Shiny?'

>N-nooooo...

'Awww... Hey, Somby! Wanna race!'

"Why sure, little one. I would love to."

'AWESOME!'

>...M-my spleen...

"Oh, suck it up, I got hit in the spleen last week, and I didn't moan about it."

>...D-don't have a...

"I am not getting into another semantics argument with you. Two! To the rolly chairs!"

'YAAAAAAAY!'

>I'm just gonna... lie here... and pain...

"You do that."
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>Chitania
"???"
~~~~~

Fire.

Burning, intense, unyielding fire. All around her, touching every corner of her chitinous skin. Seeping it's way past her armor like water through a cloth. But the fire was nothing, in comparison. Nothing to the heat and intensity of the eyes she stared into. Nothing compared to the burning fury before her.

And then they were gone. Replaced by the blur of stones as she fell, and fell, and fell, down into that ocean of red beneath her, down into the searing death that awaited her. The crimson sea the would make her naught but ash. It consumed her with a splash of hate and molten stone.

And then nothing. Not even a tingle.

>...Damn...

For, she now knew, this was a dream.

"Curious..."

A dream she did not inhabit alone, it seemed.

She couldn't keep the grin from her face as she floated upright, still awash in a sea stained red all around her. She could not see her visitor, but she knew the presence of an intruder very well.

>So, you've finally come to see your challenger... Nyx? Is it?

"What? No. Tis' not our name."

>Oh... Morpheus?

"Neigh."

>Baku?

"No."

>Mora?

"No!"

>Well which one are you, then!? There are so many of you blasted false gods upon this earth I can't possibly keep track of them all!

"False!?"

A claw forged of pure darkness erupted from the shadows below, grabbing hold of the Queen and dragging her back to the surface above the cusp of the lava. Furiously, she was hurled into the ground atop the platform she knew so well, the platform that would have long since ceased to be by now. The cavernous walls of the volcano surrounding her cracked, splitting open to reveal a pair of haunting, flaming eyes.

“I SHALL SHOW YOU FALSE!”

A hoof of stone was cast down from the sky, collapsing in like the weight of a thousand tons in a single unmovable form.

It shattered like glass.

And Chitania laughed.

>Really now, I fully admit I am likely the poorest of the Queens when it came to mind magic, but even I can do something as simple as prevent my mind being taken over in a dream. But by entering my mind, you have left yourself vulnerable! Your mind is at it's weakest, and it shall be mine!

Her own magic reached out, attempting to grab hold of the presence surrounding her.

And was swiftly knocked back right into her head.

“You were not selling yourself short, you really are poor when it comes to the magic of the mind. Even a decent unicorn would have made us exert actual effort to cast them back, we barely even tried with you.”

Chitania knew full well that smashing the walls of the volcano was pointless, but her rage blinded her enough that she could ignore that little fact.

>...A stalemate, then.

“No, we clearly have the advantage. You cannot cast us out, and we can see into thine mind as you dream. Perhaps you will inadvertently reveal your location, and we can have this discussion in a more direct manner.”

>I don't like arguing with false gods, there's only so many buildings you can throw them through before the concept grows stale.

“We apologize, we did not realize we were interrupting your masochistic nightly pleasures.”

>Unlike you, I like to prepare for my future battles.

“And thou art preparing to be tossed off a cliff? And here we thought thou was delusional. Thine head is clearer than we thought.”

>Yes... this does make more sense, doesn't it?

A glimmering shape formed beside her, cocking a curious eyebrow.

“Does it really?”

>Yes. It is more realistic to assume I will be killed if I fail to defeat you. This is the most likely outcome, and what should have happened.

“But it did not, he saved you.”

Her eyes went wide, and suddenly Chitania began to curse internally.

>Leave.

“We shall not-”

>I SAID LEAVE!

A sudden burst of will, born out of sheer desperation, was enough. Luna was cast out before she could even register what was happening.

The great Queen let out a slow breath, and turned to regard a new arrival in her dream.

>Damn that prissy little thing. She should not have mentioned you.

He paid her no mind, just sat where he was, clean as the day he was born and waiting.

Hoof outstretched and a look of compassion on his face.

>You are not real.

He did not answer, just waited.

>YOU ARE NOT-

Eyes opened wide, breaths coming in ragged gasps as the world bled away, revealing the reality of the hollowed out tree she had come to sleep in. Her back was sore, her head ached, and she couldn't keep the snarl off her face.

>Damn it.

Angrily, she pushed back, uprooting the entire tree rather than bow her head to leave it's trunk.

>Of course he wasn't real.

She slung her various gathered supplies over her shoulder, and made her way once again towards her ultimate goal of ascension, and godhood.

>Ponies like that aren't real.
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>Sombra
"Two"

>Aaaaand pew pew pew pew pew pew and a-pew!

"What'cha doin' Somby?"

>Ah, child, I'm just finally putting these little golems back to how they're supposed to be, inanimate. Hey, you, back in formation! Pew!

"Awwww, no more conveyor belt?"

>No more conveyor belt.

"Not-Mom's gonna be mad. She liked getting her ice cream without actually getting it."

>Well that's her fault, she of all mares does not need a sedentary lifestyle. Pew!

"Why ya keep saying pew?"

>...I'm not sure, something is compelling me to do it. It's kind of fun.

"Pew!"

>Pew!

"It IS fun, but do ya gotta zap 'em all?"

>Hm?

"I mean, keepin' one or two around might be useful for...things."

>Such as?

"Gettin' stuff from under the couch, bopping mice on the head if they get in the food, bopping guards on the head when 42's mad-"

>Child?

"I gots more!"

>If you wanted to keep one as a pet, you just needed to ask.

"YAAAAAAY!"

>Just one though.

"Awwww..."

Oh damn that wibble...

>Oh alright, here's four, but only four! And don't use them to sneak marchmalleys in the night, it's bad for your stomach!

"Kay Somby!"

Two trots off, four tiny glowing artificial lifeforms sitting in her wig.

"An' I'll name you Sparkles, an' you Sugar -cuz 18 says sugar is really tiiiiny crystal, ya see-, an' you can be Shiny Jr.!"

>...I'm glad my heart no longer beats, for it would surely be in arrest right now. Now where was I-hey! I see you there! Ten hut, soldier! Pew!
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Non-canon, I just wanted to write technobabble
>Twilight
"Spike"
~~~
"Hey, Twilight, you wanted to see me?"

Twilight nods, she looks like she's been crying

"Twi, you okay?"

>I broke my promise.

"What promise?"

>The one where I would never make another weapon again. But... You will need this for your journey.

"... Twilight... I'm so-"

>Don't apologize, Spike. I don't regret it. If I had to make the choice again, I'd still make it.

Twilight nudges forward what looks like a cross between a revolver and a repeating rifle, but instead of conventional bullet chambers in the cylinder, there seemed to just be a sealable slot inside

>I had been working on this for you before Chitania, and I was ready to scrap it but in light of your expedition, I went and finished it. This is my last and best gun. It uses an, invisible, underslung range finder beam with a scanning spell that allows an onboard system to calculate and adjust the power and arc of shots for maximum efficiency. There are dials on the side for a manual override of this system. It uses the mass effect fields of cavorite to remove relative mass of its projectiles so they can be fired up to subliminal speeds, the electromagical fields allow it to rapidly reshape and fire anything you load into it while sheathing the projectiles in differently charged fields you can adjust for armor piercing, magical barrier destruction, or anti-personnel fragmentation, all without recoil. In a pinch, you can even fire bullets or air and magic for decent effect. It's also mithril plated adamantine with purpleheart wood furnishings and silver filigree and a titanium oxide coating makes it self cleaninhg, that's a new feature.

"Wow... Thanks, Twilight... I don't know what to say."

>You don't have to. I know you will use it for the right reasons.

Spike smiled and draws Charity while holding the new gun up. Despite their wildly different designs, they feel like perfect compliments.

"Actually, I do know what to say:"

>You do?

"I'm going to name this gun after the two ponies who first taught me write from wrong, the two who have given me the foundations of everything I know now and continue to influence me and will do so forever. I will name it after them to always remind me, every time I draw this that I must do so with deliberation and only for the right reasons: I name it Twilight Sun."

>Thank you, Spike.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again: all that is good in me began with you."

Spike puts the guns away and he and Twilight embrace and would remain like that for some time
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Non-Canon
>Spike
"Rarity"
'blueblood'
[Twilight] (through Charity)
~~~
>It is such a good thing Twilight didn't come.

"Most definitely, she would not have taken any of this very well."

'Who would have thought Equestria possessed subterranean oceans and caves vast enough to have their own atmospheres?'

>Blueblood... Shut up!

'And the dinosaurs are still alive? Who would have thunk? They even seem larger than fossil records indicate!'

"Silence, you fool!"

'Not only that, but do either of you realize we're watching two dinosaurs from some very different eras battle one another? And they don't have feather!'

[WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON DOWN THERE?! WHAT IS THE UNDERGROUND DOING TO MY SCIENTIFIC UNDERSTANDING OF THE WORLD! THAT'S IT! I'M GOING DOWN THERE TO BRING RAGNAROK ON THAT ENVIRON!]

>Faustdammit, Blueblood.

'Not my fault I'm the only one who can appreciate the marvel of what we're seeing.'
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Non-canon
~~~
"Come on, Lord Tirek, what happened to taking over the world and draining the magic of the ponies."

"Fuck that shit! That random unicorn on the street I tried that on blew a fucking hold in my chest with a shotgun! The world's gotten crazy! I'm going home!"
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>Twilight
"Applejack"
'Fluttershy'
[Dash]
{Rarity}
~Pinkie~
~~~~

>...Does anyone else feel like shooting a giant red thing with laserbeams?

"No, but Ah' have the weirdest urge ta' write ta' mah' cousin Braeburn."

'And for some reason I want to scold Discord and bop him on the head.'

[I feel like hitting him harder than that.]

{I just feel like accessorizing my hair and posing.}

~And I feel like we missed out on another action scene! We never get one of those!~

>Maybe you should join the gun club.

~WHY IS THAT EVERYONE'S ANSWER TO EVERYTHING!? Shell shocked PTSD sufferer, GUN CLUB! Crazy asshole with delusions of revolution, GUN CLUB! Filly who has never held a gun in her life, GUN CLUB! Enough with sticking things in the gun club! Who's next, Chitania!?~

[...That sounds kind of awesome, actually.]

{Plenty dramatic as well. The changeling Queen who plays by her own rules and flies off the hinges at the slightest provocation, with a dark past and a chilling attitude to boot!}

'Does she really have a dark past? I thought she just went crazy and got locked up in the ice.'

{It sounded more dramatic.}

>...You're a menace, Chitania! Turn in your badge!

"Ya' want mah badge and mah gun, here! But Ah'm gonna find that little girl!"

~STOP MAKING THIS ENTERTAINING!~

[You're over the edge, Chitania! I'm giving you a new partner who plays by the book!]

'He's a straight laced royal guard...'

>She's a giant rampaging changeling queen...

"Ta'gether they are..."

>[{"'SHINY AND THE STOMP!"'}]

~...Coming this fall, only on the HUB!~

And they all had a nice, long laugh.
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non-canon diviation
>77
"Silver Spoon"
~Pinkie~
[Dash]
~~~
~WHY IS THAT EVERYONE'S ANSWER TO EVERYTHING!? Shell shocked PTSD sufferer, GUN CLUB! Crazy asshole with delusions of revolution, GUN CLUB! Filly who has never held a gun in her life, GUN CLUB! Enough with sticking things in the gun club! Who's next, Chitania!?~

>Well pardon me, pink one, but I was one of the founding members, and for your information, the friendships I have formed with Spike, 42, and the poppet have helped me greatly.

"And forgive me for wanting to bond with my old school friend more while connecting with some of her new friends. Not my fault not all us can join your super exclusive, super-elite Elements of Harmony Justice League club! But even if membership was open, I don't think
I'd be terribly interesting when you're so loud and annoying and you constantly break the fourth wall for a stupid, over-used style of post-modernist humor!"

>Come now, Silver Poppet, let's go to the shooting range and blow off steam as they say. I'm sure your friend will love to join us if she's not already there.

"Yeah."

~... Wow, I feel like a bitch now.~

[Welcome to my world.]
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>18
"Mane-iac"
~~~~~

>...The things I would do to that stallion...

"SINGLEIGHT! MY WOOOOORTHY FOE AHAHAHAHAH!"

>GAH! Why do you insane ponies keep sneaking up on... wait, what did you call me?

"The fantastically great SINGLEIGHT of course! Your name!"

>...Ohhhh... single eight.. heh, okay, that's kind of- GAH!

"I HAVE NEEEEED OF YOUR- Shoot, I will get this!... Ahem, i need you to sign this for me please."

>...Citizenship papers?

"Yeeeaaaah, I never got officially recognized anywhere after I ESCAPED MY COMIC BOOK HOOOOOOMMMMEEE AAHAHAHH!... But I live here so I can hang out with Cryssi, so here we are!"

>...Guess that makes sense.

"By the way, why are you PEERING AT LUMINOUS SHIELD LIKE THE HAWK OF JUSTICE WHO STALKS HIS PREY! While he's training?"

>Because I want to do things to him... sexy... sexy things...

"Like, what? Posing?"

>What? No.

"Doing that thing where you walk by and their eyes pop out?"

>No!

"Look at each other longingly but never actually touching anything?"

>NO! Where are you... oh, right, comic book for seven year olds.

"..."

>...I want to kiss him.

"Ewww! How sappy and WOE!"

>...Kiss him alllll over....

"Singleight? Are you okay?"

>...Move all the way down... down... dooooown...

"You're blanking out on me, you okay?"

>Then all that banana practice pays off... see if *I* say anything about my hair... not even gonna go in my hair.

"I'm just... just gonna go..."

>Gonna go alllllll down in there...

"And I thought I was crazy."
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>Custodian
"18"
~~~~~

>...

"...Y-yeah... sorry..."

>...I quit.
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