(TF) Celestia and Luna pick on humans for fun 13

>Ivory Shines...
>The name certainly fits her with a coat like that. White as snow, and what part of her mane you can see seems to shimmer in the sunlight.
>Joe: "Well then, Lieutenant, is there anything you can tell Shiner here?"
>Joe and Ivory are still eying each other in what seems like a fierce battle of will.
>Ivory: "He knows we've taken a keen interest in the unicorn he met last night. That's all I'm at liberty to say. You may draw your own conclusion from that."
>"Plausible deniability?" Joe asks with a raised eyebrow.
>"You certainly are a cute one, Joe." Ivory giggles.
"Excuse me, Lieutenant?" You decide to cut the chit-chat short here.
>"Hmm?" She turns to you, her stare still creeping you out.
"I...," you stammer for a reply under her gaze, "I'm just gonna go. You two can keep doing... whatever it is you're doing."
>Getting to the doctor sounds like the best idea you've had in a week, especially since you're the only one who can see the monster drooling as he stares right into Ivory's backside.
>Joe: "Oh no, you aren't going anywhere without me, Shiner."
>You lean up to whisper in Joe's ear.
"Honestly, Ivory scares me, and you seem to be the only one capable of squeezing information out of her. We're close to the office, so I'll get it taken care of real quick while you grill the guard for anything else. Besides, I'm not sure you feel like sitting in the waiting room by yourself the entire time, right?"
1/7

>"Are you absolutely sure, Shiner?" Joe replies, letting out a sigh.
"If anything happens, I doubt there won't be any more guards lurking about."
>Ivory: "It's not polite to whisper in front of a lady, boys." Ivory clears her throat before interrupting.
>You almost flinch at her words and turn to her with a smile.
"You have your secrets, we'll have ours."
>Oh great, you just had to say that. Her frown could send a dragon for the hills.
>Ivory: "That's not very nice, now is it?"
>Before you can sputter gibberish, Joe fixes her with a frown of his own.
>Joe: "Are you done picking on him, Lieutenant?"
>Ivory just sighs in defeat, "I suppose, party pooper."
"Bah," You throw your hooves up in mild frustration, "I'm outta here."
>You trot off as Ivory attempts to giggle before Joe silences her.
>The two of them continue talking as you make your way... 5 yards to the office.
>You were that close?
>Looking back at Joe, he and Ivory just shrug, hers done with an innocent smile.
>How did that mare ever end up as a Lunar Guard? Or even second lieutenant for that matter?
>The castle is starting to sound pretty stra-
>That thought is interrupted by you bumping into a pony.
>Apologizing and letting the stallion go on his way, you head inside, ignoring the side splitting coming from the monster.
2/7

>The inside of the office seems fairly standard, save for the mare spinning in her seat at the moment.
>This is going to be a long day...
>Potted plants, many seats for waiting ponies, coffee tables with magazines on them, and the aforementioned mare, who stopped spinning when she saw you.
>"Oh, you must be Spit Shine, right?"
"Uh, yeah..." Your tone revealing how creeped out you are about knowing your name.
>She giggles before responding, "the castle sent us a letter about your arrival yesterday. You seem to fit the description in it."
"They did? Well, I guess that explains how you knew my name. I suppose your face would have been red if it wasn't, huh?"
>"Not many ponies have a window washing cutie mark. Even then, they don't all look as handsome and have such a reputation." She wiggles her eyebrows at you.
>First she spins in place on her chair, and now she's flirting? Hope for successful treatment with this doctor is fading fast.
"Uhh... okay." You take a step back, obviously uncomfortable.
>The situation is made even worse by the monster trying to find some way to see the mare's... ugh, 'goods' as he calls them.
>"Oh don't get embarrassed, "she giggles, "it's true."
"You... think?" Is your face turning red?
>"Maybe~." She has to be playing a game with you.
>You're about to reply when the nearby door opens and two ponies come walking out.
>A minty green unicorn, and what must be Dippy.
>There can't be any other reason for him to be... levitating a clipboard nearby.
>Great, a unicorn doctor.
3/7

>"Alright, Lyra, just make an appointment for next week, same as always." The doctor tells 'Lyra', a strange accent evident in his voice.
>It sounds familiar to you, but you can't quite place it.
>"Okay doc," 'Lyra' replies, turning towards you, "oh, hi there. You here to see Dr. Dippy too?"
>The doc just heads back into his office, seemingly uncaring about what happens to his patient after they're out the door.
"Hmm," you barely catch what she just said as you look her over, "oh, yeah. I got referred here from the castle."
>L: "Really? My name's Lyra, and I got the same referral. Mind if I ask what you're here to see him for? You don't have to obviously."
>This girl seems to have energy to spare. Fortunately, the monster hasn't noticed her as the receptionist is still the most important thing to it.
"Uhh, my name is Spit Shine, and I came to see Dippy about a problem I've been having."
>Can you tell her about the monster that likes to stare at everyp0ny's flanks?
>"Problem?" Seems like she wants to know so bad, but she's trying to be polite.
"I uhh... I've been having hallucinations lately." You turn away, hoping she doesn't start in with pity or judgement.
>"You too?" Lyra gasps. Wait, what?
"Excuse me?"
>"That's why I'm here to see Dippy. I've been having these crazy dreams and hallucinations regarding strange hairless apes."
4/7

>The flow of time in the universe slows to a crawl as you process what Lyra just said.
>Hairless apes? The monster fits that description perfectly, apart from the clothes it wears.
>That beast would fit in so well with a group of apes at a zoo or something.
"Did you say," you pause while trying not to freak out, "hairless apes?"
>"Yep. I see them wearing clothes all the time and using weird machines to do just about everything. It's driving me crazy, and I'm hoping Dr. Dippy can help me get rid of them."
>Clothes and weird machines. You've seen the monster use weird machines in your nightmares. He's wearing clothes right now!
"Lyra, can you do me a favor?"
>"What is it?" Lyra tilts her head to the side as you look over at the monster.
"Do you happen to see one of those hairless apes over there?" You point a hoof at the beast and she glances over.
>"No, I don't see anything besides Dizzy. Why?" She looks back at you while you sigh in defeat once again.
"It's nothing. Your description of those hallucinations you have sounded similar to the one I've been having non-stop for practically a week."
>"You see those things called 'humans' too?"
>Human? Didn't Running Gag call the monster that? What in Equestria is going on here?
"I think so. I've heard the term 'human' used before to describe the thing following me around."
>"Really, where?" Lyra asks, honestly curious.
>"Another patient seeing 'humans' running around?" Your response is again cut off by none other that Dippy trotting up to the two of you.
5/7

"Another? Just how many patients do you see about them?" You turn to Dippy.
>D: "Just Lyra until now. I read the note on my desk from the castle concerning you a moment ago, and just came out to greet you, Shiner."
>L: "Shiner? I thought your name was Spit Shine." Lyra quirks an eyebrow.
"Shiner is my nickname," you look at Lyra for a moment to answer before returning your attention to the doc.
>D: "This is quite an interesting case." Dippy turns to Lyra, "Lyra, if you wouldn't mind, would you care to sit in on Shiner's session if he agrees to it. I think the two of you could really help each other out if you're in the same boat."
>L: "As long as Shiner doesn't mind, then sure! I don't have anything important to do anyway today."
>D: "Very good. What about you, Shiner?"
"I uhh," you glance at Lyra, who seems to be smiling, "I guess I don't mind."
>D: "Now remember, Shiner, everything said in here is strictly between you and I as well as Lyra. As I would expect of her, I expect you to keep what's said in my office confidential unless it pertains to you and you alone. You may decide what information about you gets out of this office, but you're not allowed to make such a decision regarding anything about Lyra if she doesn't want you to."
"You're referring to that doctor-patient confidentiality agreement stuff, right?"
>D: "That's correct, Shiner. I have to protect both yours and Lyra's privacy at all costs."
6/7

>L: "Well, I guess that settles it, Shiner. You and I are basically teammates if you want." Lyra nudges you with a hoof, smiling.
"That doesn't sound so bad actually," You turn to Lyra with a smile after chuckling.
>D: "Are the two of you absolutely sure you want to do this?"
"It somewhat makes me feel a bit better knowing I'm not the only one dealing with this problem."
>D: "We don't know that for sure, but it sounds likely. How about you, Lyra?"
>L: "I'm game." She says, holding up a hoof before looking at it and slapping said hoof against her face in frustration.
>It finally dawns on you, as you watch her apologize to Dippy, that you haven't been annoyed that she's unicorn once.
>Not a single time during your meeting her have you cared whatsoever that she's a unicorn.
>She catches you looking and tilts her head.
>L: "Is there something wrong, Shiner?"
>You respond without thinking twice since things have been moving so fast anyway.
"No, I'm just thinking about how my new 'teammate' is pretty cute."
>Oh dear...
7/7