my first ever DnD session

[15:19] <dia> playing dnd with my brothers
[15:19] <dia> i just killed a river
[15:20] <dia> im playing an elf mage
[15:20] <dia> my brother went spear fishing in a river
[15:20] <dia> and i used shocking grasp on the river and rolled a 20
[15:20] <dia> and killed all the fish, and a body floated to the surface
[15:21] <dia> turned out it was a water spirit
[15:21] <dia> i used shocking grasp on it and rolled a 19 and revived it
[15:21] <dia> it was kind of pissed, so my brother who has good persuasion tried to calm it
[15:21] <dia> and rolled a 4
[15:21] <dia> so she got even madder
[15:21] <dia> and i came in with a -1 persuassian
[15:21] <dia> and rolled a 19
[15:21] <dia> which convinced her to calm down
[15:22] <dia> so we left the stream with a sack of fish and a disgruntled water spirit behind
[15:22] <dia> we sold the fish to a noble for 5 gold that we met on the road
[15:23] <dia> we are now approaching a bunch of dead horses with arrows in them
[15:25] <dia> fuck i got shot with an arrow
Goblins attacked
Failed intimidation roll
Dwarf charges
Humans throws spear hits goblin in neck
other goblin berserks after human, dwarf smacks him in the shield
human attacks, engages and blocks goblin
i cast frost, miss. human dodges.
another arrow hits human, armor saves.
two more goblins show up, sword and bow
human swings at nearby goblin lops off his head
I CAST MAGIC MISSLE roll 3
4 damage sword, 8 at goblin
archer golbins head EXPLODES!!! other gobline takes 4 damage
dwarf takes a hit from sword for 6 damage, loses half health
dwarf slams hammer into head and smasher goblin into pulp

dwarf heals self with cleric for 2 points
dwarf heals elf for 2 points

[16:03] <dia> so me and my brothers are playing dnd
[16:04] <dia> we found a stream on our journey
[16:05] <dia> so my brother decides to go spear fishing
[16:05] <dia> he's a noble with a battle axe and spears
[16:05] <dia> i follow him
[16:05] <dia> i'm a fucking elf mage
[16:05] <dia> so he spears one fish
[16:05] <dia> i walk up next to him
[16:05] <dia> and stick my hand in the water and castle shocking grasp on the river
[16:05] <dia> i roll a 20
[16:05] <dia> it kills all the fish in the stream and a body floats up to the surface
[16:05] <dia> fuck we just killed someone
[16:06] <@DragonFreak> gj
[16:06] <dia> so i use shocking grasp again and roll a saving throw
[16:06] <dia> i roll a 19
[16:06] <Uniju> i think that's illegal
[16:06] <dia> we revive the thing
[16:06] <Uniju> fishing by zapping rivers
[16:06] <dia> it turns out to be a water spirit
[16:06] <dia> the water spirit is pissed
[16:06] <Nabber> ahahaha
[16:06] <dia> my brother who is a great negotiator trys negotiating to calm down the spirit
[16:06] <dia> he rolls a 4
[16:06] <Nabber> fucking amazing
[16:06] <dia> the spirit fucks him up and gets more pissed
[16:07] <dia> i have a negative 1 persuassion
[16:07] <dia> i roll a 19
[16:07] <dia> i calm the spirit
[16:07] <dia> we leave with all the fish
[16:07] <Nabber> a good day
[16:07] <dia> we meet a merchant on the road
[16:07] <dia> we roll a 20 in negotiations
[16:07] <Yoshi2> freakworld: the only way he could be too busy is if he had too many RL friends imo
[16:07] <dia> sell all the fish for 5 gold, and repair his cart, and he pays us 5 more gold each
[16:07] <dia> er *3 gold each
[16:07] <dia> we make a fucking killing
[16:07] <freakworld> its not a bad thing to have many irl friends
[16:07] <dia> good day
[16:07] <freakworld> no excuse
[16:08] <Yoshi2> it is not bad indeed
[16:09] <dia> my brother split the party
[16:09] <dia> because we got ambushed by goblins, and me and our dwarf got injured
[16:09] <dia> but my brothers friend got kidnapped by the goblins and we need to save him
[16:09] <dia> so my brother left off to persue
[16:09] <dia> and i stayed behind to heal with our dwarf
[16:09] <dia> and now my brother is just carving his way through the goblins cave by himself
[16:10] <dia> he cant see in the dark because he's a human
[16:10] <dia> guess who can see in the dark
[16:10] <dia> me
[16:10] <dia> but he left me behind
[16:10] <dia> fuuuck
[16:16] * Joins: Nyrie ([email protected])



[16:51] <@DragonFreak> i killed everyone with my azazel rule 34
[16:52] <@yoshit> http://i.imgur.com/G2EH1sY.png
[16:53] <@DragonFreak> FUZZIES
[16:54] <dia> whats azazel
[16:54] <@DragonFreak> character in binding of isaac rebirth
[16:54] <dia> so we break into the goblins cave
[16:54] <dia> i finally catch up with my brother
[16:54] <dia> he's fucked up from going ahead alone
[16:54] <dia> he's triggered every trap
[16:54] <dia> he has like 5 hp left
[16:54] <@DragonFreak> lol
[16:54] <dia> we heal him, and move on, theres a room with dogs
[16:54] <dia> but they've escaped their chains and are attacking us
[16:55] <dia> i try to bribe them with meat, but roll a 4 and toss them a dried apple jerky
[16:55] <dia> they all chomp down on my brother
[16:55] <dia> one of the dogs keeps rolling ones and hurting itself
[16:55] <dia> but one of them rolls a 20 and almost tears my brothers arm off
[16:55] <dia> so i use shocking grasp and kill it and save him
[16:56] <dia> then my brother kills the other dog
[16:56] <dia> so there is one dog left, who keeps derping and rolling 1's
[16:56] <dia> so we're in a goblin cave. my brothers friend is captured by goblins, being prepared for a stew pot
[16:56] <dia> so the party gathers around the last dog
[16:56] <@DragonFreak> oh my god there's a harry potter bootleg that's a hack of a hack that is hacked from
[16:56] <dia> and starts feeding it treats
[16:56] <@DragonFreak> titenic
[16:56] <dia> and petting it
[16:56] <dia> we spend 4 turns feeding it and petting it
[16:56] <dia> and then tame it
[16:57] <dia> we are in the middle of a goblin cave while someone we are on our way to rescue is getting cooked
[16:57] <dia> but we have a dog now
[16:57] <dia> i'd say its a win
[16:57] <dia> we named the dog Bear
[17:00] <dia> our cleric healed my brother to full health
[17:00] <dia> we're taking a break right now
[17:00] <dia> so did i tell you about our first town?
[17:00] <dia> when we were supplying before we set off on our journey
[17:00] <dia> my brother rolled a 20 while looking for a place to supply
[17:01] <dia> and we ended up in like
[17:01] <@DragonFreak> wtf is up with these high roles
[17:01] <dia> this high quality smoked meat joint, with a friendly owner who was offering up this great smoked meat at discount.
[17:01] <dia> so he was going to give us it at a half price discount
[17:01] <dia> but my brother misunderstands
[17:01] <dia> and think thats the base price
[17:01] <dia> so he tries negotiating for a cheaper price
[17:01] <dia> he rolls a 1
[17:02] <dia> the shop keeper gets fucking pissed because he was insulted
[17:02] <dia> so my brother trys bargining again
[17:02] <dia> and rolls a 5
[17:02] <dia> the shop keeper is now furious
[17:02] <dia> so i step in to try and save us, and roll a 10
[17:02] <dia> the shop keeper calls the guards on us for insulting him
[17:02] <dia> we flee the shop, and i roll a 1
[17:03] <dia> and fall face first into a grill at a food stall outside the shop
[17:04] <dia> so we ended up at a new stall, much cheaper lower quality
[17:04] <dia> decent but not great
[17:05] <dia> bought some food for 7 silver
[17:05] <dia> the first shop was going to give us hq food fo 5 days
[17:05] <dia> this guy only gave us enough for 3
[17:05] <dia> but eh, beggers cant be choosers
[17:05] <dia> apparently this food was such low quality, the guy gave us dog biscuits
[17:05] <dia> because my brother pulled out dog biscuits and gave them to the dog
[17:06] * Quits: @DragonFreak ([email protected]) (Ping timeout: 240 seconds)
[17:06] <dia> we dont always roll high, but when we do, something fucking awesome happens
[17:07] <dia> did i tell you about the time my brother got caught in a sling trap, and got suspended in the air?
[17:07] <dia> so he gets caught and is hanging in the air. he rolled a 1 and dropped his axe
[17:08] <dia> i then jokingly suggested that he cut it with his signet ring
[17:08] <dia> cause sometimes those have sharp gems on it
[17:08] <dia> my brother who was dming was like "wtf, thats idiotic, but i'll allow it. roll"
[17:08] <dia> so my brother who was caught in the trap rolled
[17:08] <dia> and got a fucking 19
[17:08] <dia> and my dm brother was like "well fuck, that was the number i was going to say you had to hit for success. well, i guess it fucking worked"

[20:50] <dia> well, we completed my first dnd session. we killed a stream, had a player save himself from a snare trap by cutting it with his family's signet ring, then proceed to solo a goblin cave through sheer luck and critical fails by the goblins, before triggering every trap and barely scaping alive, saved a merchant from a goblin cave, tamed a wolf dog, had our dwarf critical fail a surprise attack on a group of goblins where his warhammer slipped out of his hand, but rolled a 20 and accidently landed on the lead goblins head, then he proceeded to roll three straight 20's and caught one goblins sword bare handed sword catch style, block the second goblin with its own sword,  beat them up with his bare hands, then me as a mage, i fried all 6 goblins with burning hand, failed to get a serious hit but still all for decent amount, drew two goblins to me, dodged and blocked both with a sword i had, because wtf i happened to have a sword, then shocking grasped both at the same time, before critical failing a ray of frost aimed to protect our tank from the last goblin (our tank was about to die, had 4 hp left) on the last remaining goblin and hitting our tank in the face and leaving him at 1 hp, slayed a bug bear, interrogated and intimidated a goblin into becoming our minion and betraying his god, and delivered the supply wagon we were originally tasked with escorting.