<font style="font-family:; font-size:; line-height:; font-color: #666;letter-spacing: -1; line-height: 16px; text-shadow: 1px 1px 1px #666;"><a href="http://kmcnamarag.insanejournal.com/9318.html"><center><img src="http://wowslider.com/sliders/demo-1/data1/images/butterfly3.png" height="110"></center><div style="display:none;"><a name="cutid1"><a name="cutid1"></a></a></font></div><br /><center><font face="oswald"><font size="26"><a name="cutid2"></a>
<blockquote><table cellspacing="10px"><tr><td width="250X" valign="top"><div align="justify"><img src="https://www.speakgif.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/pumping-heart-in-the-bottle-animated-gif.gif" width="250"><br><font style="font-family:fonecian, century gothic, applegothic;font-size:8px;letter-spacing:1px; text-transform: uppercase;"><font color="#404040"><br /> <br />ladies, have you ever loved a man so strongly, immensely and naively that you thought you are one lucky girl who found her ‘happily ever after’ in one man? i cannot be the only girl in the world that has felt this in one moment of time, a moment so drawn out it felt as though it lasted for an eternity. well, i did. has it ever happened to you that you loved the wrong guy and strongly believed that he’s the right one? well, it did to me. there's things that every woman doesn't speak about. not, because of being ashamed, but because of feeling as though there are some things that have their spot in the past for a reason. for this, given recent situations, i am going to crack myself wide open and expose some light.<br /> <br />after him, this guy, things kept slipping through my fingers. the most obvious things got away from me when they should have been obviously caught and kept. after him, happiness was something i just heard stories of. distant stories that any woman longed for, yearned for. and sadness came to me in waves. electric waves that moved throughout every fiber of my being. memories would just take turns and i’d be overwhelmed by the emotions they’d bring along. it was like my life was being shown to me on a camera reel and all i could do was sit and watch, i was frozen in time.<br /> <br />for a long time, i wondered if i would be able to grasp the meaning of my life again. the meaning of how i was happy before, the meaning of what it was like to step out my front door, breathe in the fresh, crisp air and feel as though i could take on the world with my pinky. i wondered if i would ever get back to normal or if i’ll ever be capable of loving again. when a woman starts to question what love is and why it's needed in her life there is a serious problem and a major lapse in judgement. we all need love. not just romantic love, platonic love, the love of family and friends. god knows it was something that love was hundreds of miles away from me. god knows i had almost given up. maybe, i had and at the time i hadn't realized it. being young and hopeless can blindside you in ways you're unsighted to.<br /> <br /><img src="https://i.imgur.com/GFev5s4.png" width="250"><br /> <br /><br><br></font></td><td width="2" bgcolor="#C0C0C0"><td width="250PX" valign="top"><div align="justify"><font style="font-family:fonecian, century gothic, applegothic;font-size:8px;letter-spacing:1px; text-transform: uppercase;"><font color="#404040"><b>i wasn’t always like this.</b> i was one of those happy women that were always grateful for what they had. i didn't take life for granted and i breathed in every single moment that was given to me. i was one of those who enjoyed her life, smiled and laughed every day, and every chance that i got and i was one of those who’d go to sleep with enthusiasm for the new day. there were always new treasures to be found once i reopened my eyes and i kept my heart open to such wonders.<br /> <br /><b>but dating a narcissist changed me.</b> i wasn’t half the person i used to be after he was done with me. i was a toy in his vicious self interest game! the same enthusiasm i had before we got together in the morning now turned into a fear of getting out of bed. fear of what i would take in from a day and fear of the negativity that he put out to me and around me. my happiness was replaced with anxiety.<br /> <br />for the longest time, i was ashamed of letting him change me. once i had realized that he had. for a long time, i was ashamed of the person i became, but mostly i was ashamed that i allowed him to get the best of me. that i allowed him to rip the life spring that flowed through me apart, piece by piece until there was absolutely nothing left. i should’ve known better. at least, that what's should have been on constant loop within my thoughts and my bloodstream. after all, i was better than that.<br /> <br /><b>i trusted him.</b><br /> <br /><b><i>he made me trust him.</b></i> he did everything to convince me he’s got my back and that he’s my person. that he's my person? i repeat this because i know we've all felt that way. he made me feel like i could count on him and that he’d do anything for me. that i could open my entire world to him without a care or worry in the entire world. he kept making promises and i always waited for those promises to be kept. i waited from every single one of those promises to come to light. i never saw that light, what i saw was foreshadowing darkness. because he made me trust him just so he could betray me. so, he could destroy me.<br /> <br /><b>he made me feel safe.</b><br />for a while, i felt like i could call him for a rescue mission and he’d come any time of the day. that he would come and there wouldn't be any type of questions asked, he'd just be there. for a long while, i thought he was my safe heaven—but he was far from that. there was nothing about him that was safe and there was no haven to be kept. he made me feel safe just so i would let my guard down. so, he could destroy any walls that i had left and wear a smug smile while doing it. once i let my guard down, his mission was accomplished because i was absolutely unprotected from his attack. i never saw them coming. i was, but merely his weak prey and he pounced harder than i could have ever imagined or have began to fathom.<br /> <br /><b>i loved him.</b><br />i allowed somebody who had a history of broken relationships to be a part of my life. why? i believed and still do believe in second chances (cautiously now) and i gave that to him. maybe, i felt as though i was the girl that would fix him. you can't fix someone who doesn't see themselves as broken. i gave my heart, body, and soul to a man who had no idea what love was. he had no idea how to love. i loved him with every cell in my body and i gave him my love unconditionally, irrevocably and selflessly and i completely lost myself to him. there was never any type of questions that were ask. i didn't second guess myself, i dove in deep and i didn't look back. but only because he convinced me he can be taught to love. that he could change and love me in the ways that i loved him, in the ways that i needed him. but you can’t teach a narcissist to love. love is a foreign word and it's just not in his system, it's not something that he could digest and love is just an abstract word he’ll never feel. it's just that and will always be just that, abstract.<br /> <br /><i>i lost every fiber of myself to a man who was incapable of love.</i><br /> <br /> <br /></font></td><td width="2" bgcolor="#C0C0C0"><td width="250PX" valign="top"><div align="justify"><font style="font-family:fonecian, century gothic, applegothic;font-size:8px;letter-spacing:1px; text-transform: uppercase;"><font color="#404040"><b>he made me a prisoner of my love.</b><br />in truth? i stayed with him because i truly believed it was for love. i always believed in love. i believed humans were created from two bodies and absolutely one soul and that i had finally discovered and found my other soul, my other half in him. but, as time marched on, i came to the realization that he was in no way, shape or form my soulmate.<br /> <br />he was somebody who got the best of me. i was a punching bag that he beat the life out of without physically touching me in any way. in often times, mental abuse can be a lot worse than physical. he was somebody who fed on my misery and also delighted in it. he was somebody who needed me to be down so he could feel good about himself. a lot like what people tell you when you're young as to why people insult you in the many ways that they did and can. and i let him do that to me because i was naive. i was so blinded by 'love' that the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak was just a distant mirage. i romanticized my suffering in more ways than i would like to admit and i made myself believe i was a hero fighting love. but all i was was stupid for falling for a narcissist. stupid for letting him suck the light out of me that i had once prided myself on, the light that made who i was.<br /> <br /><b>i lost myself to a narcissistic person…</b><br />i stopped believing my worth and that was worthy of true love and that i deserve to be loved. my confidence was lost. my self worth was lost. i let his selfishness win and i allowed it to be all about him. i was just a mere pawn in his world and felt as though i was on the inside looking outward at a life that i could have had, a life i deserved. i let him place thousand different types of blame on me and i let him manipulate me. none of this was consensual and yet it happened. i lost myself. i lost myself in ways a woman should never lose herself and i sat and waited for an absolution that seemed as though would never come.<br /> <br /><b>the light began to shine again and i found myself once again.</b><br />i went through hell for a man. a man that wasn't worthy of me or my heart, let alone my time. i was the best version of myself. i gave all in and i held nothing back!! i was what you would call an open book. finally, i got to the point where i showed him the door and that he could leave with nothing, but the bag he showed up with. it was one of the most liberating things i’ve ever done in my entire life. i had control of me again. i wish i could say i didn’t get anything out of it, but that’s not how the story ended. i got a whole new life lesson out of it. a lesson that i display in my life every time i step out my front door and brave a new day.<br /> <br />i might have been a train wreck for a what seemed like an eternity, but i wasn’t going to allow myself to be that for the rest of my life! not this girl, not this ball of light that still had so much to offer the world. it’d mean he won the battle and i couldn’t let that happen. i was going to win the war!<br /> <br />so, i picked myself up piece by piece and began to rebuild myself back together. i started sewing my ripped pieces one by one. i mended every hole in my heart one by one. i patched every hole in my soul as well. i’d leave my house with my head held high as if what he did to me was nothing. it was nothing and because of my realization, i came to the thought that i am more than enough, that this self interested man wasn't going to define me. he wasn't going to keep me prisoner any longer! i stepped out a new woman and i have never looked back and i will never look back. he didn't break me, he taught me a lesson and one i am happy to share with ladies who have been through this situation.<br /> <br /><b><i>we are all worthy!</b></i><br /> <br />❤ ARE YOU TAKING ANYTHING FOR GRANTED? ❤ ARE YOU LIVING TRUE TO YOURSELF? ❤ DO YOU LET MATTERS THAT ARE OUT OF YOUR CONTROL STRESS YOU OUT? ❤ WHAT'S THE SILLIEST REASON YOU’VE EVER GOTTEN INTO A FIGHT WITH SOMEONE?<br /> <br /></font></blockquote></td></font></div></div></font></font></table></div>