Elbi: THE GIFT

[23:20] Sitting down in the city centre, the blind man took to the bench, accompanied by a contractor of sorts.

"Sir, if you wouldn't mind..." Nathan turned to acknowledge his newly hired helper. "Can you have it addressed to a 'Rosa' ?" He specified.
The helper smiled earnestly and nodded in reverence before offering a proper response:

"Of course, mister Eibl. I'll ensure the message is turned to her at-once."
The courier took their leave, heading east for the exit. With that said, the blind soul took to their silence in solitude.

"Well, it's been a while..." He took a deep breath, feeling the aching pain in his chest subside. "I don't feel agony anymore." The exhale that followed left him at ease, though... He didn't feel alone. He could hear the footsteps of his courier leaving the proximity -- he grew fairly familiar with the sound of their shoes in the hours they interacted with prior.

"Hm? Just passing through, sir?" asked Nathan to the nearby passerby, oblivious to their identity.
"I hope my benchwarming isn't too bothersome, especially if I opt to speak."
(Nathan Elbi)
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23:23] Val gave a light tilt of the head, and sighed at Nathan's seemingly lack-there-of any recognition! Had his sight really gone that far south since their last meeting.

"So... It's gotten worse, Nathan? At least it's... Good to know you're alive. One friendly face among many who are... Less so."
(Valamir)
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[23:29] The voice was enough. Sadly, it had to suffice. What other option did he have by this point?
"Hm? So it's you, Val." He answered before his voice dipped in energy. "Yes. It has. The last embers of light have left me while I've remained here in Achyon." He turned towards Valamir's voice to reveal that his blue hues had gone a cloudy-pale.

"Alive? Has it gotten that bad in the world? Is it so cruel that vision would only harm me? I refuse to believe it so. Then again, why surprise myself." His shoulders slumped, voice seemingly drained of hope at last.

"If I'm considered a friendly face, with how absent I've proven, I truly pity your predicament." He took some pause, almost as though he were thinking about what he said... But it was already said. Why would he have to care about it any more. The black void he witnessed perfectly defined the internal scape he had fallen through for a while now, but now? He was almost certain, the bottom was near -- at least, he wouldn't free fall any longer.
(Nathan Elbi)
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[23:42] Val simply shrugged. Even if it was invisible to the blind man. He had no real response. He despised his current position more than many things. But at the very least? He was learning, and growing in power relative to the past.

The youth moved a hand over, and pat Nathan on the back. They were currently the only face they thought of as friendly at the moment. And that was that. The only one who had yet to simply use him for something, or betray his trust.

Nathan was likely one of the view people he had a neutral viewpoint toward. All else? A means to an end.

"It's not all bad... Some things are good. Such as me practicing in medical skills... And eventually learning to... Well. Raise the dead.

So tell me. What's new with you aside from full blindness, Nathan?"
(Valamir)
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[23:53] "Raise the dead?" He asked back, before forcing up a mild smile. "I'll believe it when I see it with my own two eyes." He tried, before the ample embers of enthusiasm died in the joke's aftermath -- at his own expense, not worth it.

He felt the back-pat, and surely he could've taken it as a means to know, he wasn't alone. Though, in his adventure to explore the world and likely fix himself? He felt more alone than ever. There was no one here that cared for the presence of a blind man. Even more so, one that could hardly present feats worthy of attention.

They weren't cog material...
But fodder; an after-thought with some potential to be worth someone's entertainment, but not worth their money. At least Jordunn found him... Did they care?
If they did, wouldn't they have come back to fetch him for Fleurosa? Did she even care? Or was she doing what she did, simply to train herself.
Certainly, the rest of the Coat would go on, callous as to the presence of one more waste of space like himself.

"I was able to feel someone... To see them, beyond my eyes... And myself." He started, speaking through his breath -just- loud enough to be heard. Though, he sounded tired, as though pushed through too much recently.
"I felt so alive in the moment, having a mage's mana surged through my body." His tone couldn't hold much fluctuation to imply enjoyment in the recited memory.

"--but as soon as that feeling... That power to sense mana came." His tone dipped for a defeated bass, "It left."
(Nathan Elbi)
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[00:02] A brief nasal exhale came from the boy next to the Elbi. He could relate on the part of feeling like an outcast. And as if he was being used. That was all Achyon was after all. Using the people there for the hard work so the Empire could sit back, proverbially fat and happy.

This place was truly a disgusting pigsty where those in power were parasites on the ones who did the actual work. He'd personally love to see this place left as rubble. The only thing that needed to survive? The knowledge it held. All other life was inconsequential, unless certain circumstances proved otherwise. Such as one being uninvolved with it, but stuck like Nathan was.

"Don't be so foolish, Nathan. Failing once is only the process of trial and error. That is where the term 'try, try again' comes from. And it holds absolute truth in most cases.

And... I know that feeling too... Albeit from a far more... Harmful method... My soul was tugged out of my body, before thrown back in." he'd explain. Such a process left his chest, and eyes sore.

"So, Nathan. I have a proposition for you. And you alone for the moment. Care to have a listen? If not today, then another time if need be. But it's for your ears only."
(Valamir)
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[00:10] 'Don't be so foolish, Nathan.'

Why did those words inspire spite from within?

Why did it burn so strongly now, where his chest used to ache?

All the while, he held it down... Bottled it up, and tossed it aside with a sigh. What did it matter anyway? Nathan listened, or at least he seemingly did. He was so used to hearing things like what Valamir went on about. The deaf woman from before was eluding his memory to some extent...
Her name, her face and general experiences seemed to become a blur -- but what stuck out to him?

Her acceptance... In her handicap. To simply accept that it was, and turn it into a power. How Nathan envied her...

How could his blindness become a source of strength?
How could his lack of magical prowess, prove valuable?

He silently sulked in his pit of despair, whilst Valamir's proposition prodded at him.
Did he care to listen? Hisheart suggested to push it off until another day... A day where he'd push it off again... And again... So that he could simply go back to sitting on this bench and occasionally getting up to grab food, only to return.

Yet, against the odds, he bit:

"Go on..."

Perhaps, it wasn't too late to stop Valamir before he started."
(Nathan Elbi)
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[00:12] Valamir whispers: We are both aware. Places such as this use people until they are no longer of use. And others would see you dead just for being different. Yes?
[00:12] Nathan Elbi whispers: I suppose.
[00:14] Valamir whispers: My proposition. Is to instead, make our own mark. A group. Then a society. Then a full-blown civilization. It will unite Esshar according to our designs. And... When the time comes? It will be a... Brutal... Restructuring...
[00:15] Nathan Elbi whispers: That sounds ambitious. That sounds... Unrealistic.
[00:16] Valamir whispers: Realistic is for those with no imagination.... People here have figured out how to breathe life into the once-dead. If one is capable of that? Then there is definite possibility of that goal.
[00:18] Nathan Elbi whispers: You really think so? A blind man and a supposed prisoner... Or whatever they have you as, taking over the land? Possible or not, you do know how extreme that sounds? How do you ever plan on getting traction.
[00:20] Valamir whispers: I am Prisoner no longer. Traction comes only from action, friend. And that is what this is. Action. Building the proverbial legs on which walking into that distance is possible.
[00:21] Nathan Elbi whispers: --but you're missing a critical part here. You're a mage. I'm not. I'm blind. You're not. The hurdles here are clear. I'd be useless to your cause.
[00:22] Valamir whispers: Tsk. Again. I must insist you're not seeing things correctly. If you were, for a moment, able to see mana? That means mana is within you. You can learn magic.
[00:25] Nathan Elbi says, "... I don't know. I'm not entirely sure about that."
[00:26] Valamir asks, "MMh. You wished for me to share my magic with you, did you not?"
[00:28] Nathan Elbi says, ".... I did."
[00:28] Valamir says, "Come."
[00:28] Valamir says, "I shall share this gift with you..."
[00:28] The boy put an arm over the back of the other. Attempting to guide them.
(Valamir)
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[00:29] Valamir says, "Understand. I can only give you the seeds. It's up to you to nurture it."
[00:31] Nathan Elbi says, "... The.... Seeds."
[00:32] Valamir says, "The Occult is like a rosebush."
[00:32] Valamir says, "It can only grow given proper nourishment provided by the Occultist."

[00:39] The man was guided away from his bench, something he hadn't taken to outside of his occasional wander to practice his fishing technique. It was all he had to go for in life until now.

To leave that bench, felt as though it was the first steps he'd take out of a mundane, homeless existence and into something foreign...
Something terrifying...
Yet, the newness of the matter, was oddly... tantalizing.

Yes, he had asked for a display of power.
He had asked for such a power to be shared.
Once upon a time, he felt power being shared from someone else.
Though, the very mention and taunting of this enigmatic essence dubbed the 'Occult' simply darted beyond his understand, teased and prattled but never quite experienced -- a forbidden treat, pulled out of his reach with his every lunge.

Eventually, they'd end up somewhere... Confined? The air tasted different here, with an echo coming and going as they left a hallway for some sort of 'crowded' room.

'The Occult is like a rosebush.' - Valamir

"Yes, you mentioned that much before already." Nathan assured with a nod.

'It can only grow given proper nourishment provided by the Occultist.' - Valamir

"So, it's a magic that feeds off of the user, supposedly even controls the user..." Nathan surmised, "... But what is it's nourishment?"
The question was finally asked, and hopefully it'd see a real answer.
"What is it that 'powers' it? 'feeds' it? What do I need to do?"
(Nathan Elbi)
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[00:48] The Occult was ever-consuming. Ever-growing. Ever-evolving. And yet? In spite of that. It was likely among the most misunderstood of magics. Like a concerned parent or guardian- It sought to nurture those that went to it- That shared their pain with it.

To feel the Occult's presence at first was nothing but pain and agony until it fully traveled through every fiber of your being. Until it knew you inside and out. Then, it would manifest as a power to assist those who wish their woes were power instead.

"What powers it? Think of every bad thing that happened to you... The Hate... The Fear... The Envy... The wrongs done to you... Every ounce of negativity is like a feasting grounds for the Occult. It saps away your need to cling to pathetic things such as morals.

Share your story with it- And let it grow as your tale continues to spin along the threads of fate, and it will embrace you. All that's left following? Is you must embrace it.

It is truly freeing."

The boy raised a hand now- A flame of the occult flaring into existence. Even if it could not be seen? It could be felt. Pulling. Beckoning. Almost like a scolding mother, demanding to know where their child had been. The allure of the occult? Was beyond true reasoning once exposed thoroughly.
(Valamir)
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[00:59] Nathan's facial expression turned for shock, if only he could bare witness to what was going on before him. The idea that something so strange... So sentient... Was a magic.
Did that mean, that not all magic was merely... Just that? They weren't all techniques... At least not all of them. Some magic styles were like choices, experiences... And then, there were the few enigmatic ones.
The living ones...

Perhaps, that was why the denizens of Achyon disliked the minds that were addled by Exorcism and Occultism. Was it truly because the magic warped their minds?

… Or was it because it conversed with them? Matured with them? Formed a relationship with them and fostered them into a better state of being?
The memories of other mages using that dark power to accomplish amazing feats... The capability to be worth something!
To actually make change, or be capable of it.
To actually be important.
To actually be respected.
Feared.
Envied.
Desired.

The entangled sensation that danced below the surface collected at his chest as it often did, gnawing and clawing for a way out, that'd never come in the past. However, it seemed overly enthusiastic now, as though feeling an opportunity coming on.

That was when, it happened.
Nathan felt it.
It was an ambiguous presence, subtle and likely distant -- but a chilling singe that wrought the hair on his skin to stand and rouse goosebumps across his form. It was imposing, threatening, yet...
It DEMANDED him to step forth to taste its lick.

There was a penance to be paid for his ignorance of its embrace, and it would have its due.

"I, am ready." He declared aloud, taking a single breath in preparation.
(Nathan Elbi)
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[01:11] It was true.

The Occult created its own vicious cycle in that way.

Fear, hate, envy, greed, desire were cause for its growth- And yet it also caused it in those that witnessed it, and chose to also desire it's strength.

A self-fulfilling prophecy in it's own right.

A warning should first be applied, however, as Val spoke.

"Very well. But understand. The Occult is a harsh teacher as one delves into it. Stronger techniques must have the pain of it felt first. Imagine it as though being told before you can wield a knife, you'd have to be stabbed first.

With that said, however? Let us begin."

With that, he moved over to the other, and placed his hands on each side of their head. He would give the Occult a lovely home to fester thoroughly in, that the Elbi might hear its suggestions, and guidance.

This would have to be a masterpiece, in the eys of Valamir. So he wasn't stopping short. His eyes began to glow to life. Visual Casting. Runes began to form in the air, drawn with the aforementioned casting technique. Runewriting. Emotion was already within this. He was bringing another person, a would-be adopted 'brother' with the Occult as the common 'parent'.

It already began seeping in through the magic circuits- Not calmly. It would be absolute Hel as I dug in like a parasite, burning the circuits in it's wake, and likely leaving them like that as a punishment for long-ignoring the call to the Dark.

Now the final portion of this would be set into place- Muttering a few words, to top it off with verbal casting.

Words to signify the soon-to-be-shared magic.

"In The Dark. Together."
(Valamir)
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[20:47] A harsh teacher...
But who wasn't? Was life not cruel enough? Had it not sapped the last of light from his very eyes, from his very world? All he knew was the darkness, but now... At last, it seemed as though the shadows that cloaked his vision would finally turn to acknowledge him. If he wasn't alone anymore, at least, he could choose the company of the shadows -- to no longer leave him cloaked in the wake of its backside, but stand within the centre of its gander.

"To be stabbed first..." He echoed, "... What an interesting concept... Fair, yet harsh."

He felt something closing in on his head: hands, sheathing at his head and cradling his head. Hands that imitated a mother's hold upon a hapless child -- as humorous as it may've been from younger youth to Nathan.

Something was happening.

Nathan could feel that much... But what? It wasn't quite like the time the woman he met touched him: the time she gifted him a boon of her essence, to bear witness to something anew, only to leave him relinquished of it - to tease at power he could only DREAM of.

… Dream no longer...

Like claws, it burrowed through the skin, singing it with a chill that wrought through his very body. Breath felt strung, too tightly packed away by a gasp upon its intrusion. The very presence blackened the flesh at the touch, drawing ebonic leylines that'd dance akin to shattering glass abused by a smashing fist. The body flexed and trembled, seizing up at the presence of something so foreign.

It was a frostbite of the ethereal domain, shearing its way through the system until it'd stab through the feet, pierce the toes and nail him to the ground where he'd stand: Nathan, was experiencing something... New.

This, was the bite, no sword could imitate.
The burn, no flame would muster.
The cold, no chill could provoke.
All while a dissonant song rang through the blind soul's ears, cacophonous in its profane glory.

Tears budded in Nathan's grayed eyes, slowly peeling over to streak down his contorted visage. The shudder of his breath was faint, but distinct. It could feel it, if only in the waking moments to its encompassing gnaw. The surge of essence from before... But this time, tailored with a venomous taint.

It dug through his very mind...
It sought his memories... His desire... His dreams and motivations...
His ambitious to be greater...
Yet, it fed on the festering doubts, and rooted in his sadness... His despair for his condition...
His surmounting fury for those he'd perceive to look down upon him...

His envy... that devolved into hatred for the more fortunate....
For the happy...
For the great and powerful...

"I-...I feel it..." He sputtered out.
It was as though thousands of whispers ushered to him in a constant torrent, cooing their secrets from beyond the veil in intimate fashion. Though together, they were incoherent, Nathan was convinced -- this, was but an introduction, a 'hello'.

The relationship always required an initial acknowledgement.

Though, like all of them, it was time to mature... To establish...
--To embrace with open arms...

"It's... So... "
All of the emotions that held him down made his very soul flex. As though, at his lowest point, he had finally discovered something - A tool.

"Powerful...
(Nathan Elbi)
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[21:01] Slowly, the youth's hands returned to his sides, sighing.

It was done. The seeds had been planted for the blind young man. How ironic it was- Someone so young teaching those older than him.

Though, perhaps that was just another reason to be spiteful. That someone had heeded the call before Nathan could do so first. That he had to be taught to embrace it by them as well. It could be seen as funny as it was potentially humiliating.

This process was far from over, even if the 'planting' portion was done of that proverbial rosebush. The thorny growths would eventually spiral around and meld with every singly magic circuit- And the Crowns would be the places where the flowers bloomed.

There was a finer detail that they should likely mention- But they themselves were not aware of it yet. Only slightly suspicious, given how weak he felt in recent times, almost as if he were being harmed by magic himself for using it.

The Occult was a game of trade. It only gave as much as you were willing to give. Unfortunately? The soul itself, as the core of the person, would resist it the influence violently once it was the only thing left for the Occult to try and claim under its influence.

That would be a trial in its own when the time came for Nathan. But now, with Val's current state- he looked strangely exhausted. He had been exercising the Occult greatly in these recent months. And the strength is very essence had to resist the Occult's growing influence on his mind dwindled by the day.

It was inevitable. Unless something was done to prevent it? Both would one day fall to the deepest, darkest pits of the Occult, given they both shared that inevitable fate now. But it mattered not for this very instant.

Resistance was futile. And only made the pains worse.

"Hoo… Excellent... It seems it went well! I do hope you enjoy this blessing of a gift... I'm sure you'll make wonderful use of it, Natahn…" He'd comment, grinning as the same Occultic presences that had been forced into the other emanated from the youth. He was failing to restrain it at the moment.
(Valamir)
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[21:33] Valamir retreated his hold. The gift was bestowed, but at what cost?
Not only did Nathan finally feel mana surge his circuitry once more, to remember that same sensation he felt with the woman before.
Not only did he embrace what it felt, to have a magical arcane addle with his every sense...

But he could feel something anew, pulsating within even stronger than it did before. Like a slithering serpent encroaching its prey, it felt the stygian essence trickle through his body. It scratched and scarred at him from within, but merely to damage, but to corrupt. It sought to terraform a landscape to better fulfill its preference.

For a moment, he felt his very person leave his body, as though expelled from the physical domain to a freefall into the everlasting darkness that constantly surrounded him. The mind felt attacked, barraged from every angle. Ached and strained -- as though the very artistry he shown interest within was intent on tearing him apart where he mattered most.

Where logic and reason seemed to whittle away at comprehending this migraine, Nathan's emotions finally saw the surface, breaking the veil of depression that drowned him away. Veins protruded from his every angle, stressed and tired - pushed through boundaries they'd never come to understand until now.

The free-fall would come to an abrupt cease, snapped back to the world of the living. He took a deep breath, before stumbling backwards, away from Valamir. The boxes behind him served as his 'cushion', softening his fall with a ruthless curl of the back, and roll to a heavy thud on the ground.
He panted, taking in the moments slowly...
Even without sight, one knew dizziness, and it left the stomach queasy.
The tingling in his veins knew no end, as though they were revitalized by the experience.

The memory of that power transcended the mind, and stuck to the body. It knew what power tasted like. Now, through exposure andseveral wake-up calls, the machinations of the soul began to turn.

Nathan slowly eased himself up, careful not to stand too swiftly. Valamir's words made it to his ears, thought the calling voices still whispered their sweet nothings faintly beyond the veil.
"This is..."

He was no longer alone...
He had the shadows, to which he could confide in... A scornful listener.
… And he had Valamir, the only other one that seemed to understand: an adopted brother, one of an unspoken covenant borne of eternal black and festering frustration.

"Unlike anything I've been given before." He claimed.

"I can only hope I can grasp it." Would this work? Could he grow through this? Could he use this... To see? To feel? To become... More?
Where was he to go, from here? Where, but up...
(Nathan Elbi)
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[21:44] Thoughts of 'up and down', 'left and right', 'forward and back'? They were nothing in the face of what such a gift offered. Mere illusions.

The chaos at the heart of this art offered so much more.

It offered freedom. Choice. Desire. Indulgence. Such was the nature of Chaos and Entropy in of themselves.

After all. Chaos brought progress, and reaped it as well.

How this was to be utilized by the blind teen was completely up to them. For benign, or malicious causes. The Occult did not override the person after all. It twisted them. Protecting others turned to destroying their threats before they even reared their heads. Faint curiosities turned into unending lust, greed, and envy. And so on. All in due time. It would happen.

The pain in which Nathan felt now was only the beginning of what was to come, if he wanted to hone it. Because while it was like a rosebush. It could also be compared to a horse.

When one approached a horse, they cannot tame it. The horse must choose them, not the other way around. Only when the Occult fully knew the person- And was allowed to be their most confided 'friend', would it truly allow them its power in full usage.

From here, it really was up to Nathan to nurture the odd magic.

"By the by, Nathan. If you ever hear someone speak of Hel? Do not seek out the power of such a place. While the Occult and Hel are... Adjacent... Proverbially speaking, likely 'cousins'. Turning to Hel for power is selling yourself to slavery to the deity-like being how presides over it for all eternity. Just a forewarning.

And... of course, I can't unfortunately say this gift is... Free-of-charge from me! I'm not asking for coin or anything... Simply, a loyal friend. That is all I desire. And in turn. I of course, would be the same to you. Is that fair?"
(Valamir)
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[21:56] Hel? To sell his soul to it...
Certainly, he had more will than that... Right? Nathan felt himself tugged and pried in every which direction from within, as though he was no longer alone in this mortal coil. At the very least, he'd not see himself expelled from it by the enigmatic essence that intruded.

"Hel?" He parroted, "I suppose it's an exchange of power versus freedom that must be chosen. To be free, means to be weaker than those that's bind themselves... But to be strong, means to shackle yourself to something greater. Perhaps, that is why Achyon's denizens are so strong." It was a thought, that at least made sense to Nathan.

"A friend?" The thought that, that was an actual request felt...
Strange. He never thought something as simple as requesting outright was... Well... A thing.
Then again, just how alone did someone have to be, to attempt such an approach like this?

…Was Nathan any better?

"Of course." Nathan answered, with a tired smile. He was in pain, but at least he was standing upright now.
"... Of course." He felt as though he wasn't quite here. As though, this scene was still too surreal. He had been taken out of the world he had come to know, to be introduced to it anew -- yet he was still himself.

The realm around him? The walls of this very room, the floor, the atmosphere and all whom breathed it... Weren't the same. At least, he didn't feel it so.

Then again, was that not new? Since when did he feel so sensitive? As though the world around him was brushing against the skin with his every step.
(Nathan Elbi)
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[22:05] A 'friend'. A friend? That was what he wanted? Or. Was it?

Even the younger one in the room shifted his features. As if confused at his own words. Words of naivety. Youthful naivety. Something he thought had finally died within him. But. It would be nice. To not be alone within the suffering this world had to dish out.

Such requests for something so simply and frail? This was likely the last time he may ever even utter something similar.

"Aaah… I see you're... Adjusting... It'll pass with some time. Just remember. Don't go throwing spells about like a madman in the midst of a rush! People here don't like the Occult. They say it has ill-effects on the mind... But then how horridly narrow and hypocritical is that? It is that disturbing, orderly, 'Holy Magic' that restraints the mind... Occult is to delve straight into the enigma! It broadens the horizon over time!" he'd proclaim. Though that 'broadened horizon', in layman's terms, was merely the madness and confusion that gradually gave way into a deformed worldview.

"Now then! I suggest you go rest up! Unless there's something more you'd like to talk about?"
(Valamir)
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[22:17] "Don't... Toss around... Spells?"
Nathan's head beat like a drum, spinning him around from the inside, whilst he desperately wanted to huddle down and wait out its ruthless torment. Though, it wasn't going to stop... No, he had to embrace it as he was informed.

"Right." That was it! The people here were not fond of the Occult. Though, weren't they also discontent about the light as well? Exorcism, was just as distasted as its opposite, was it not? "... Right..." He rubbed at his head, but comfort would never come. The aches were too deep, after-all.
So many thoughts were flooding the mind, yet there seemed to be no target -- all of it diffused into a mess that addled the senses in bursts.

"You have a..." He cursed under his breath at the pain, before gnashing at his head and attempting to shake it off. "You have a point." He managed to get out. It was so much. Like an entire world to be explored, just thrusting into his mind and bearing against the seams, prone to bursting!

"Yes. I should... I should do that."
Was this not the best time to get right into focusing on the art? To study and focus on honing this strength? The very notion of such throbbed at his head and numbed his sense of touch.
No. This was indeed a time to rest.
The pain was simply too much at the moment.

"W- Would you mind?" He reached a hand out, for Valamir's support.
It was time to get out of here... Wherever 'here' was.
(Nathan Elbi)
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[22:20] Valamir says, "Here's the wellness clinic... They should let you rest in here."
[22:20] Nathan Elbi says, "<*reaches out to feel at the bed*>."
[22:20] Nathan reaches out to feel at the bed
(Nathan Elbi)
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[22:21] Nathan Elbi says, "Thank you."
[22:21] Valamir says, "Of course."
[22:35] It was without much thought that the man crawled over the bed to swaddle themselves in sheets and rest. Sleep was troubled by the scathing aches and pains, though he felt determined to wait it out.
"I didn't think it'd be like this." He admitted, eyes closed and body still tense.

"It's so much..."
Indeed it was, so much more than he initially bargained for. In a way, he instantly regretted requesting for what he got. Now, he had to suffer the consequences -- if only the consequences did not precede such grand potential for boons, perhaps he wouldn't have been here now.

He was no quitter... Was he?
Yes... Yes he was...
He was a loser. That was what brought him here, was it not?
He couldn't amount to anything, in life... In the Coat...
In his travels... Nor the caravan...
Certainly not here.

The Darkness was his final option for something to confide in, and even it was abusive. Though, despite the pain, he had learned to simply go back. It was punishing, but he had brought himself to believe in it.

Maybe it won't keep hurting?
Yet, it throbbed...

Maybe he would feel his mind grow stronger in the aftermath?
Yet, it throbbed...

Maybe his body would grow a tolerance?
Yet, it throbbed...

Maybe... He deserved this.
His body drifted through the pain, descending into a free-fall from the bed and beyond his body: finally asleep.
(Nathan Elbi)
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