1-09 Drift

	'Now you're absolutely sure you don't mind?' I ask Yuuko for the seventh time. She looks up from teasing the cat with a string bookmark and gives me a reassuring smile.

	'I'm sure I'll appreciate the company,' she laughs, the cat hopping on the desk and nuzzling into her shoulder. I continue to fret and second-guess myself until Yuuko turns her attention from giving the cat a thorough tummy rub, and pushes me out the door. 'We'll be fine Rika, honestly. You enjoy your club excursion and I'll worry about the kitten.' The library doors swing closed behind me before I have time to protest. I take a deep breath, and manage to snap myself out of it to try and focus on the evening planned. My rucksack slung over my shoulder, I venture down the empty halls of Yamaku and head to the meeting point. The setting sun just about peers through the windows to cast long panes of light across the floor in front of me, drowning the hallway in a warm orange. There's always this strange coziness being in the school building after class hours. I allow the feeling to sink deep, and a contented smile creeps on my face. Travelling down the stairwell I spot the astronomy club already gathered at the front gates. The sight of them chatting and playing around makes me hesitate. I wonder again if this is a good idea, if I can put on a brave face to fit in like they all seem to. I quickly regain my composure, however, and stride down the stairs with added purpose. If I stop now I won't be able to keep going.

	With a hop down the last few stairs, I hit the ground floor and round the corner out of the school building. Dusk is approaching quickly, and a gloom is setting in over the courtyard. The air is crisp and not nearly as humid as I thought it would be after all the rain, and I take long refreshing breaths to clear my head as I head towards the gates. Molly spots me first, and calls out my name, spooking a crowd of birds getting ready to nest out of a nearby tree. I cringe at the commotion as the group turns to watch me approach, but Molly saves me having to break the sudden silence with a welcoming hug.

	'I knew you'd make it!' She chirps, squeezing a good portion of the air out of my lungs.

	'Of course, it isn't a big deal at all, glad to meet new people,' I blatantly lie. Molly turns to address her club.

	'Astronomers! You might have seen her sulking around the club room earlier, but I'd like to formally introduce you all to Miss Rika Katayama! Novice stargazer and new member of the club,' Molly announces to the group, and most manage a lazy clap or two. She frowns, and continues, 'treat her as you would your glorious club president. Or I'll put you pack mule duty.' The group laughs, and I feel a bit of the awkwardness ease. Before the glorious leader can continue her speech, the bus arrives outside the gates and the door swings open. Mr Mutou steps off the bus with a clipboard tucked under his arm and surveys the group.

	'While I'm not too pleased to be heading out with the weather we had this morning, Miss Kapur wouldn't take no for an answer. Still, you're going under the terms that you pair up and don't wander off. The trip will be around fifteen minutes before we arrive at the national park and once we're there you'll all line up and follow me. The ground will be soaked, so I hope you've all brought blankets. You can thank Miss Kapur if you haven't,' he finishes a chuckle, and begins to read off names. He goes through the whole club, and does a headcount. Checking his list again, he looks puzzled, and does another headcount before clearing his throat. 'We seem to have a straggler today,' Mutou points out, and all eyes go to me. Following their gazes he slowly meets my eyes. It takes me a few painful moments of staring at my feet before I realize that he's waiting for me to speak.

	'I'm Rika Katayama, sir. M-Molly,' my voice stammers and I catch myself, coughing and patting my chest before I continue, 'Molly invited me along to try out the club.' Molly nods her enthusiastic assent and Mutou's deadpan stare eases.

	'Then Miss Kapur your problem. I mean partner.' He sweeps his eyes over to Molly, 'and Miss Katayama is your responsibility. Normally school regulations wouldn't allow her to come along, but I'm willing to put them aside if you agree to do the paperwork if she goes missing in the woods.'

	'Yes sir, sir,' Molly replies with a salute. 'But can we get going? We're already going to be adjusting our equipment in the dark and I don't want it to get any later, sir,' she adds, saluting again for good measure. Mutou sighs and walks back onto the bus. Molly takes this as consent and everyone begins to pile onto the bus in pairs, Molly grabbing my hand and pulling me up with her. I freeze in the isle, unsure where to sit. Is there designated seats? Do people just have seats they like and they'll yell at me if I accidentally sit in theirs? Should I sit at the front near the teacher or at the back far away from everyone? Sho--

	My thought's cut short as Molly grabs my hand again and practically tosses me into a seat. I straighten myself with what dignity I can find and Molly plops down beside me, eyes sparkling. 'Isn't this exciting?' She asks, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me for an answer.

	'It--sure--is!' I manage to reply through shakes. She mercifully releases me and looks around the rest of the bus, pointing fingers and raising her voice to get her club under control. I take the break from her attention to gather my thoughts, gazing out the window back at the school. I can see my dorm room from here. I could be there right now, snuggled up under blankets with some privacy, a cup of tea and and my books. No, I shouldn't be fantasizing about such things, I should be proud of myself for being here. Some time outside the dorms will be good for me, and good for my nerves. Better try and have a good time so Saki will be pleased when she comes back from the city asking me what I did with my day. The engine sputters to life and the school moves away from my window. No turning back now. The bus trundles along down the hill and I watch as the town comes and goes through the glass, streetlights beginning to be turned on as we pass. As the bus stops at traffic lights, I spy Lilly sitting at a window-seat in the Shanghai with a blonde man in a suit. I don't ponder it for long as the light switches and we're quickly out of the town and into the countryside.

	The trip passes uneventfully, with me mostly watching the scenery and occasionally chatting with Molly, or better put, Molly chatting at me about astronomy with phrases and jargon that makes little sense to me, so I just nod and smile. The moon begins to peak on the horizon as we pull up into the parking lot of the national park we're visiting, and the general chatter of club members intensifies with excitement. I hear people talking about what they packed for a picnic, or a couple of girls hushedly discussing trying to sit with a certain male student. All in all, very little talk about astronomy, and I begin to suspect that most here are just excited for the excursion. Mutou stands and opens his mouth to speak, but Molly's already out of her seat and barking commands at the club. Mutou shrugs and leaves it to her before heading out of the bus.

	I'm out with Molly first, leading the other pairs behind us as we form around the entrance to the park. Mutou does a quick roll call before the other students dig into their rucksacks and pull out flashlights. The way is lit with a few lanterns, but everyone is caught up in the spirit of it. I didn't think to bring one myself, but Molly wraps an arm around me and flicks on a ridiculously bright torch of her own. 'Don't worry Rika, I'll keep you safe,' she laughs, pulling me along into the woods.

	'My hero,' I laugh back, pretending to swoon. Molly grins and pulls a stick off the ground, swinging it at shadows and overhead branches. We dart around the path, shining the light at passing rabbits and trembling in fear of the terrible beasts. I get caught up in the silly game, and realize that I'm not worrying so much about fitting in with the club. By the time we've reached the hill we both lay down our blankets and collapse, breathless. I give Molly a huge smile and she returns it, and I roll to look up a the starry sky. 'Wow,' I let out, as if I'd never looked up at the stars before. Here in the country, the sky is lit up brilliantly, the deep blue of the sky peppered with the shining drops of light, like watching the reflection of city lights on the water's surface.

	'I know,' Molly replies from beside me. Turning to her, I see her face is calm and her eyes are closed, as though she's just soaking in the starlight. 'When I'm stressed at school, I wait until night-time and go to the roof of the dorms. I lie and watch the moon pass through the sky and count the constellations. Sometimes I even make up my own,' she giggles, pointing up to the sky, 'that one is the Nurse, for example.' I follow her finger and see the stars in a long curve, looking like a big grin. It makes me giggle as well, and I point out my own.

	'That one is the teacup,' I point to a different section of clustered stars. Molly laughs.

	'Always on your mind, isn't it? I don't suppose I'll get to try any of your famous tea, then?' Molly asks, leaning up on her elbows.

	'I wasn't aware it was famous,' I reply, pulling myself to my knees and digging through my rucksack. I find my thermos and unscrew the lid, taking in a long smell of the smoky tea inside.

	'Oh my goodness you actually brought some,' Molly teases me as I carefully pour the russian caravan blend into the cup, trying not to spill it and scald myself in the dark.

	'Of course I did,' I retort, raising an eyebrow, 'out in the soggy cold like this, a cup of tea is perfect.' With great care, I pass her the cup and say, 'now I am afraid that I don't have any milk to go with it, and it's a tad strong.' Molly doesn't seem to mind and takes a long gulp of the steaming hot brew. I stare, flabberghasted. 'What's your mouth made out of, leather?' I ask.

	'It's good!' She announces, ignoring my question. I just have to laugh as she downs the rest of the cup, wiping her mouth afterwards. 'I can see why you're so crazy about the stuff.'

	'Well, generally, one sips from the cup...' I trail off, shaking my head, 'nevermind, actually.' I just smile at her, and she hands me the cup back before standing up and grabbing her own rucksack.

	'I just realized why we're here,' she says over her shoulder, gesturing at the other students with a tilt of her head. All around us, the other club members are at least putting on a show off looking through their telescopes. With a heave, Molly lugs out a very fancy looking telescope of her own, flicking open the legs of the stand and resting it into the ground. A lantern appears next, resting in front of the blankets to give her some light. There's a lot more fiddly looking instruments that she screws into various places before she seems satisfied.  'What a beautiful piece of technology,' she comments, admiring her telescope with her hands on her hips. Looking around again, I see the other students have noticed their club leader getting to work and scrambling to make adjustments. I see she notices it as well, and affirms what I'm thinking, 'they've picked up that I'm about to do my rounds. Better not disappoint them.' She strides off looking very stern. I stifle a laugh to not break her guise and lean back down on my rucksack, pouring my own cup of tea. From up here, you can see miles of countryside, spattered with small towns throughout. I can even see the lights of Yamaku tucked away at the top of a far-off hill. So strange to think how so much of my life centres around those tiny, faraway lights. I cast my gaze away, beyond the school to the train-line cutting a winding line throughout the hills. The line continues on to the city and beyond to the rest of Japan. There'll be a time soon that I'll be riding that train-line once I graduate, and I can't help but wonder where it'll take me. Back home?

	I took a long sip of tea, letting the warmth ease the sudden anxiety. Worries for the future, not for now. Now, all I have to concern myself with is some sort of mutiny on the part of the club as Molly scorns a tired looking girl for knocking someone else's telescope. I decide to let Molly run her club her own way and lie back on the blanket, watching the stars. It's funny, looking at Yamaku's lights made my problems feel insignificant, but looking up at the endless expanse of stars and sky makes me feel silly for having any in the first place. I try and mimic Molly, closing my eyes and attempting to just soak in the starlight. With a couple of deep breaths, I find my pulse and simply listen. It's erratic as ever, but I listen to its strange rhythm and find my thoughts easing. It's as calm as I've heard it in a long time, but I don't usually take the time to stop and feel it unless I'm concerned. My whole life I've had so many specialists and consultants pay so much attention to every detail of each beat. Nakai wouldn't have gone through that, not yet. He said he's stayed in hospital, but a lifetime of doctor's visits and switching medications makes is a different matter. I wonder what he thinks about his condition? Nakai seems like such a private person I can't imagine ever asking. Will I ever get a chance to ask after all that's happened this week? What must he think of me? I feel a few tears streak down my cheeks, but somehow it's okay. A smile emerges on my face with them, and all I can think about is how I'm going to change his mind.

	Images of hospital rooms, the sensation of a cold stethoscope against my chest, the familiar drum of my heart when I'm anxious. Mussy brown hair, a smile and sunlight catching a glimmer of metal buried in mud. They all come and go as I lie there and simply let my thoughts flow through my head. I feel a sudden coldness on my head, and then another. My eyes open and a cloud has crept along while I've been thinking, and I find myself staring up into the rain.

	'Alright, pack up! We're heading home!' I hear Mutou call out and see him with his jacket pulled up over his head against the rain. The club collectively groans and begins to dismantle their equipment. Molly appears above me, looking down and smiling.

	'Sorry I left you for so long, someone had to keep the rabble in check. A certain couple of ladies wouldn't leave a male student alone,' she explains, offering a hand. I take it and she pulls me to my feet, then gets to work on pulling apart the telescope. 'Didn't even get to use the thing,' she mumbles as I roll up the soggy blankets. Quickly fishing my overcoat out of my bag, I quickly wrap myself in it before I get soaked. Looking up, the clouds are only looking angrier and the rain's coming harder. Hurriedly, I stash away all my things and assist Molly pack away her telescope. She's being so careful it takes a little while, and the rest of the club ends up standing waiting for us to finish up, looking miserable from the rain. With rucksacks on we hurry back down through the forest trail, ignoring Mutou's warnings of slippery mud. A few students tumble and I hear their cries of annoyance as they land in the mud, but we press onto the bus. I think I've had quite my fill of rain and mud for the week. The bus driver glances up at us as we rush past him to our seats, coats and skirts dripping along the isle. We're soon joined by others rushing aboard, and finally the few mud-covered students slowly make their way in,looking suitably upset. Molly delights in the fact that it's the trouble-making duo of girls, and they both shoot her a mean look. Mutou arrives last, shaking his hair dry as he walks up the steps and urging the driver to get moving.

	Molly wrings out her braids and I do likewise with my own. The floor of the bus is a mess of puddles, mud and soggy grass by the time the bus starts moving away from the park. I sneeze, and burst out laughing. Molly gives me a strange look, so I reply, 'I've just gotten over the cold.' She doesn't understand why that's funny, but bursts out with laughter herself. And so we alone laugh and joke as the other members just mutter upsetly, the whole way back to Yamaku.