Ten Years Chasing A Dream (ch2)

EARLY RELEASE FOR ALL MY PATRONS!

I was shocked that so many people decided to read this story. Thank you for all the comments on chapter 1!

Disclaimer: I do not own Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight.

----------

						Chapter 2. Heavy Rain


It's just another day. Thursday, April 17th, to be exact.

Claudine always wakes with the date in her head, because she's been focusing on work more lately in her efforts to avoid thinking about the crumbling nature of her relationship.

Today she has work as per usual training with her team for an upcoming play. They're almost ready to perform, so they're all really hunkering down on it. Their first opening night will be just next week.

Claudine had been gifted a ticket for the premiere, which she had left on Maya's desk the other night without a word.

But she knows it's no use. Maya hasn't come to any of her performances for the last five years or so. She's always too busy with her own work, or perhaps another relationship. Maya's been so absent from her life that Claudine hadn't been able to deny the possibility of an affair, no matter how horribly it stings her heart to consider that Maya would do that to her.

But if there's anything she'd learned over the time they've been living together, it's that people change.

And Tendo Maya isn't excluded from that, for better or for worse.

As Claudine pushes herself up out of bed, she isn't surprised to find herself alone again. She can already hear movement in the kitchen and smell breakfast.

The same dull throbbing fills her chest as she gets out of bed, preparing to face yet another day of this numbness. She wouldn't even call it a 'life' anymore. At this point, she and Maya are simply co-existing, but even then it can barely even classify as such, considering how little time they actually interact with one another.

Claudine dresses herself slowly and freshens up in the bathroom, battling the same internal conflict she always faces every morning.

Part of her wants to hurry out and greet Maya, to smile at her and believe that today will be the day that Maya finally smiles back and the nightmare ends.

But a much, much greater part of herself knows that won't happen.

As such, it makes Claudine want to wait in the bathroom, to hide away from Maya until she leaves, not wanting to come out and face the painful reality that's right in front of her, all around her, and inside every stinging breath she takes.

Again this morning, Claudine waits.

Or at least, she tries to.

But again, that obstinate spark of hope keeps rearing its stupid little head, encouraging her to move. And all the naive, childish, hopeful fragments of Claudine's soul give in again.

Slowly, she makes her way out into the kitchen.

Maya is texting away busily on her phone at the counter, standing over an omelet. Her back is to Claudine, like it always seems to be.

And yet, there on the table before Claudine, is a freshly-made omelet for her.

And this is one of the reasons why she simply can't believe for certain that Maya is cheating on her. Because Maya always prepares breakfast for her. It's the only thing Maya has consistently done for Claudine, even after their romance had started to wither away.

Perhaps it's because she is having an affair, and making an offering of food for Claudine every morning is Maya's silent way of expressing her guilt about it and trying to compensate. Or maybe she did still love Claudine somewhere deep down, but just couldn't remember how else to show it.

Either way, Maya always makes her breakfast.

But there was hardly ever a word said after that, nor would she ever join Claudine for lunch or dinner or any other quality time after that.

Hence why the mornings alway gave Claudine hope. But throughout the day, that hope got progressively more smothered, until by evening it had been crushed back into the depths of despair. It was a vicious, hurtful cycle that's been tormenting her for so long.

But still, Claudine clings onto that tiny thread that remains, no matter how thin it's become.

As she enters the kitchen, she doesn't look at Maya, fearful that doing so might cause Maya to remember Claudine's presence and run away from her. Claudine approaches the table and the food, though her appetite is pitiful at best, and it has been for some time now. She pulls out the chair slowly, but the noise it makes across the floor has her flinching, and again she's worried Maya might flee instantly.

But she just continues typing away on her phone.

Claudine can't see her face, but she knows Maya's expression is the same one it's always been for the past several years; hard, stern, serious.

Claudine misses the softness she used to see there, the love and the warmth Maya used to look at her with. She misses their squabbles and spats, because at the very least those were times when they'd been communicating how they'd been feeling.

But now…

Now it was just… silence.

Claudine sits, already feeling the familiar sting of tears rushing behind her eyes. She holds it back, telling herself again that she's too old for such things, that she needs to be an adult, that she needs to let Maya go if Maya wants to leave her. But even so…

"It's delicious..." Claudine murmurs after taking the tiniest bite of the food. She waits, but doesn't lift her head, because she already knows Maya isn't going to respond. She's too lost in her work for that.

And sure enough, Maya says nothing. But a moment later she moves out of the kitchen to collect her bag from the living area and heads to the door.

"I'll be off."

Claudine inhales sharply. She hadn't been ready this time.

Maya would still call out that traditional phrase whenever she left, probably out of habit and nothing more. She was likely speaking to the apartment more than Claudine herself. But it was often the only time Claudine would hear her voice all day, and as such she always tried to savor the sound of it.

But today she hadn't been ready, so by the time Maya has finished speaking, Claudine has already forgotten the sound of her voice. The door opens and closes, and Maya is gone.

Claudine calls out weakly after her.

"Have a good day…"

And then, like always, the first of the tears for the morning come dripping down.

She thought she would've gotten numb to it by now. She wishes she would've.

But the pain is still as fresh as the first day Maya had stood her up on one of their dates without an explanation, and as poignant as every other time after that as well.

Claudine manages half another bite of her omelet before she can't continue. She wraps up the unfinished food and puts it into the fridge with all the others, then gets ready to head off to work.

And it's clear to her that today isn't going to be any different from any of the others.

That thread of hope is thinner than a hair, and even more of it is shaved off as Claudine walks out the door, feeling more alone than ever.

---------

In spite of the fact that she hadn't eaten nearly enough this morning, Claudine is still on her best performance all through her training with her team today.

She'd made friends with some of her colleagues and co-stars, and come lunchtime she's always able to eat plenty when surrounded by these people. Coming to work is a relief, because it allows her to put some distance between herself and that apartment, which now only has a sad and hopeless reality waiting for her.

She feels a bit better here. She can still shine, still move, still act and sing and dance. Not as well as she'd used to. And surely not as well as she could've if she still had Maya's love and support. But well enough to keep hold of her position and to keep a paycheck coming.

And in the life she was living now, that was all she needed, realistically.

She makes it through the rest of her day, wishes her colleagues farewell, and then the plastered smile fades.

She'd used to love going home. When she and Maya had first started living together, going home to her had been Claudine's favorite time of day. To go home to their apartment, to have Maya waiting to welcome her with open arms. Or for Claudine to be the first of them back so she could welcome Maya home with a kiss.

She doesn't remember exactly when going back there had started to feel like a punishment. She doesn't even consider it 'home' anymore.

Claudine makes her way out to the parking lot slowly, wanting her time away from that apartment to last for as long as possible. It had been cloudy all day since this morning, but now it's begun to rain. Claudine only hurries to her car to take shelter, but doesn't start it up for a while afterward.

She goes slowly on the way back, thankful rather than frustrated to hit a red light. She lets the time drag on, until it's unavoidable that she has to pull into the complex's parking lot.

Even once she has put her car into park, she waits, listening to the hissing of the rain. The dark, dreariness of the evening doesn't make her feel tired or sad, but just 'normal,' because those were the things she had come to accept as her typical, everyday feelings.

After another beat of rainstorm silence, Claudine finally picks up her bag and gets out of her car to head inside.

After entering the building and making her way up the stairs, she hesitates at her door. In the beginning, if Maya were home first, she'd be waiting eagerly on the other side, ready to pull Claudine straight into a hug or a dance or both. Or if Claudine was the first one home, she would excitedly push her way in and start making dinner, secretly counting down the minutes until Maya got back.

But now, she doesn't bother with any of that. She'd stopped knocking if Maya were home first, because she'd often be so absorbed with work-related things that Claudine would have to use her key to get in anyway.

Presently, she retrieves her key and pushes her way in. The apartment is empty, which is a bit of a relief, because coming home to find Maya there was never exactly pleasant anymore, because Claudine still didn't know how to act around her after all this time.

After putting her things down and turning on the lights, Claudine ventures to the windows to look outside. The rain has started falling harder and heavier than just moments before, and soon there's a distant rumble of thunder. She briefly recalls a weather report she'd overheard at some point or another that day, and evidently it was supposed to get a bit severe later on.

But she probably doesn't know that, Claudine assumes. Because that woman is always so absorbed in her work she never notices anything else.

She's started thinking in regards to Maya in this way as well. She hasn't said her name out loud except when she had to in interviews or the like. But when she's alone with her, Claudine hasn't said Maya's name to her in years, nor has she heard hers being said back. She's gotten to the point where she doesn't even think Maya's name anymore.

…But she wants to. More than anything, she still wants to go back to the way things were. She wants to talk to her again, touch her again, be with her again. The desire to do these things has faltered, but never disappeared.

Maybe if she tries just one more time…

And so, even though she knows in her heart of hearts that it's hopeless, Claudine pulls out her cell phone.

Maya had used to be at the top of her contacts and recent interactions. But now she's quite far down.

Claudine scrolls until she finds her name, and reading its characters still sends her heart into a throb. The last time they'd texted had been months ago, and it had been about something as mundane as bills.

A few years ago, Claudine might've attempted to call her. But now, she doesn't want to hear Maya's voice over the phone. It would make it all too easy for Maya to suddenly cut things off with her and never show her face to Claudine again. At least the few times Maya spoke to her in the apartment, Claudine could actually see her. But over the phone was an entirely different story.

So she decides to text her instead. Her message lacks any exclamation points or emojis like they'd used to consist of to match the energy she'd been feeling. Instead, her text is as bland as how her heart feels.

Hey. The weather's supposed to be severe. You should come back early tonight. Maybe we could spend some time together…

She knows how pathetic it sounds, how desperate and sad.

But she still hopes that maybe some part of Maya will be moved by those words, that maybe this time she'll want to come back and be with her…

. . .

At the time Maya receives the text message, she is at her current place of employment with a very popular theatre troupe.

Though her colleagues have all officially gone home and ended their day, Maya has stayed behind once again to continue training and practicing. She'd been set and focused on her work all day as per usual, quite literally hellbent on making her performance perfect. The better she acts, the more audience is drawn in, and the better her salary will reward her.

She really is so close. Just a few more weeks and she'll finally have enough saved to leave this place. She'll finally be able to take Claudine where she wants to be the most, and they'll finally be able to be happy together.

Their dream is so close to being a reality at long, long last. Maya can't afford to lose focus now - not even for a second.

She's been so dedicated to her goal that she'd even neglected to consider mentioning it to Claudine. Claudine has no idea that her dream is quite literally right on the horizon now.

Perhaps Maya wanted to surprise her with it all at once, or perhaps she'd just simply been too focused on the work itself to consider anything else. But either way, Claudine knows nothing of any of this, for better or for worse.

Maya is just going through her already-perfected dance once more when she hears the movement of her phone's vibration on the floor nearby. She finishes her number first, then goes to retrieve it, assuming it's her director or a colleague. She's a little surprised and delighted to see that it's Claudine who had messaged her.

Soon, Maya reminds herself. Soon you and I will be free of this life, Claudine. Soon we will be free at last.

Maya smiles as she swipes her phone to read the message. She'd been so devoted to her work over the years that she hadn't really realized it when Claudine had stopped texting her so much, or that her messages had lost their enthusiasm. Maya has simply become so absorbed in her workaholic lifestyle that she can't fathom any other aspects of her life properly.

"Ah," she murmurs. "The weather, hm?"

She recalls that it was supposed to get bad tonight as Claudine had mentioned. And it had been forever since Claudine had specifically contacted Maya and asked her to come home to spend some time with her.

In Maya's mind, Claudine was doing the same thing she was; focusing on her work in order to make their dream come true, hence why they've had to spend a bit less time together lately.

So normally, for Claudine to reach out to her and ask her to come home like this, Maya would agree.

But not this time. Not now.

Maya is so close. If she can just make this next performance an absolute hit, that will be all they'll ever need. She needs to keep training tonight and make sure her acting will be absolutely perfect, more perfect than any role she'd ever performed before.

This is the final push. She can't afford to slack off here, or else it will only delay hers and Claudine's dream even longer. And they've already waited long enough.

So just one more time.

Just one more time tonight, Maya turns her down for the greater good.

My apologies. I simply must continue practicing. Please don't wait for me.

She can wait out the storm here tonight and come back afterward.

Maya clicks Send, and then leaves her phone behind to continue practicing.

. . .

Claudine waits in the silence of the apartment, able to hear the hiss of the wind and rain against the outside of the building. She's torn between holding her phone or putting it down, of hoping and waiting for Maya's response, or wishing she didn't even bother at all.

But when her phone does finally go off, Claudine still has it in her hands.

She opens it all too quickly. She's still too childishly hopeful, too foolishly excited.

The second she reads Maya's message and understands it's a rejection, a hot flash of dismay and heartbreak runs down the back of her neck. It spreads like a disease through her shoulders and down to her chest, sinking in around her lungs and suffocating her heart.

Tears form, but only a few of them fall before that hurt transforms itself into anger and frustration. She welcomes it, because at least she feels something. It's better than being so numb.

Her fingers shake as they fly across the keyboard.

Fine! Then I'll come to you! Whether you like it or not!

She can't do this anymore. She just can't. It's been breaking her for half a decade, and if she doesn't get to see Maya tonight, it's going to ruin her.

"Mechante va… I need to see you…" she sobs. "I want to… more than anything…"

Equal parts fury and sadness tangle in a heated battle in her chest, warring with so many other emotions at the same time. Claudine drops her phone onto the couch, flinging tears all around her as she grabs her keys and rushes out the door.

The rain's gotten worse. The wind's gotten heavier. The thunder's gotten louder. The lightning's gotten brighter.

But she doesn't care.

Claudine races through the streaming river that's gurgling through the parking lot and gets to her car to start it. The rain is pouring down in sheets, and when the thunder cracks it shakes the ground. The lightning splits the sky into pieces, and Claudine feels as though she can feel that same sensation in her heart.

She takes off out of the complex and heads out on the road toward Maya's workplace. There are no other cars out now. The stores around town have all locked down, and everyone is taking shelter indoors.

Claudine drives through the half-flooded streets, not even shrinking away at the next deafening blast of thunder or the next blinding bolt of lightning.

She won't let her relationship with Maya end this way. She wants to be close to her again. She wants to know Maya loves Claudine as much as Claudine loves her. She wants it all back.

"Please, Maya…"

Tears stream down her face as the rainwater floods over her windshield, too heavily for the wipers to clear it away. There's another crash of thunder, and the whole care shakes.

And suddenly, the tires are suspended, pushed by the relentless flash flood. Claudine loses control of the wheel, but even though she takes her foot off the gas, it's no use.

The car spirals in a split second, and the whole world blurs in a blinding flash of lightning.

Then, there's a crash louder than the thunder.

And then, there is silence.

--------

Maya had continued practicing for another hour that night.

She could still hear the intensity of the rain and feel the reverberations of the thunder, despite being in the center of the building, so she had known for a fact it turned out to be a very severe storm. But Maya had been able to stay focused through it all, and it had quieted down before much longer.

Just when she'd finished her final practice run-through, her phone had gone off again. And this time, not with the quiet buzz of a text message, but with the loud ringtone of a call.

Maya had wiped her arm across her forehead and then gone to answer her phone.

And everything after that had been a dream. A nightmare.

It had to have been.

There'd been a voice on the other end of the line, a man's voice she didn't recognize.

"It this Tendo-san?" he'd asked.

Puzzled and suspicious, Maya had responded.

"Yes. May I ask who I'm speaking with?"

And the response had been stoic.

"I'm calling because Saijou Claudine-san had you listed as her immediate contact. There's been an accident." He'd then listed an address and requested that Maya hurry to the location right away.

And at first, Maya hadn't believed a word of it. It must have been some prank, some hoax, some jealous old rival hiring someone to call her and mess with her. Maya had pushed down the nauseating unease that had surged up her stomach and remained level-headed as she'd swiped to text Claudine.

How are things at home?

She didn't text her often anymore, so she knew Claudine would respond right away.

But even after Maya had packed up and gotten ready to head back home for the night, and even after the amount of time had passed where Claudine would have responded by then if she'd been in the shower, there was no reply.

Maya had hurried to her car while still trying to keep the panic down.

But then, as she'd started driving in the cold, gray drizzle of the night, she'd heard the sirens.

And as she'd approached the location the man on the phone had told her about, the sounds of chaos had only gotten louder.

And then she'd simply fallen asleep.

She must have.

Because it was a nightmare.

The emergency vehicles. The police cars. The flashing red lights.

The wreckage of the car Maya had instantly recognized.

The gurney being wheeled away with its occupant concealed by a black bag.

Maya had prayed then as she'd screeched to a halt and burst out of her car. She'd prayed it had been someone else. Anyone else.

Even though she'd seen Claudine's car shattered to pieces, she'd prayed with all her soul that it was someone else who was dead. Someone Claudine had hit. Someone who had been passing by at the wrong time.

Someone else. Anyone.

The police and EMTs had approached Maya, but she hadn't heard a word they'd said.

Not until she'd heard the name.

"Saijou Claudine."

They had already confirmed it based off her driver's license.

The moment Maya had understood that Claudine was dead, she'd collapsed into the street and screamed until her voice stopped working.

-------

A/N: I tried as hard as I could to capture every awful emotion I could, from the feeling of terrified denial and absolute crushing dread, to the horrible prayer of "let it be someone else, anyone else, just not my loved one."