unrealeel: Can't just divert yourself, eh?
Thorn157: with what?
Thorn157: i can't divert from within....
unrealeel: With... you can't? Are you sure?
Thorn157: i'm not quite sure what you mean by divert myself
unrealeel: Just lie down and extract yourself to new places?
Thorn157: that works, but it also gets me unbearably depressed
unrealeel: Why would it? Daydreaming is fun...
Thorn157: not for me...
unrealeel: I guess that makes sense. I don't know what you'd do to divert yourself. I don't know what I'd do either, though.
Thorn157: that's generally why i need human contact to some degree....my thoughts are extremely depressing...
unrealeel: Really... I guess that would help then. I generally like being by myself. 
Thorn157 signed off at 3:35:35 PM. 
Thorn157 signed on at 3:35:51 PM. 
Thorn157: piece of shit...what was the last thing that went through?
unrealeel: Thorn157: that's generally why i need human contact to some degree....my thoughts are extremely depressing...
unrealeel: Really... I guess that would help then. I generally like being by myself. 
Thorn157: 
Thorn157: you know, i'm all over the place. when i'm by myself, i want to be with others. when i'm with others, i want to be with myself.
Thorn157: i have more mood swings than a baby on a pendulum
unrealeel: That's probably... a problem, if I could classify it as that. I just find it... slightly more advantageous if one was happy where he was. 
unrealeel: A need for change is a good thing but only to an extent.
Thorn157: of course. but i'm rarely a happy person.
unrealeel: I hope that changes for you. Has to do with inner mind setting rather than outer.
Thorn157: oh no, no it doesn't. the world is a jumble of incredibly horrendous events, injustices, and atrocities. if it doesn't get you down, you've never seen them. happy people have an inner mindset that makes them blind.
unrealeel: I see why you'd be depressed.
Thorn157: rare are things in the world that please me.
unrealeel: You think the opposite way I do then. It may just be a balance between happiness and truth. 
Thorn157: that it is. i prefer truth.
unrealeel: Can't have one with the other? Surely you could have both... some way. 
Thorn157: i can't think of it...
unrealeel: But if your theory is correct, then I have to be blind. Which makes sense. But what sorts of atrocities do you mean?
Thorn157: the lowest expressions of human nature. strife, ignorance...
Thorn157: which i'm sure you've seen.
unrealeel: Sounds like my family.
Thorn157: i have no hope for the future, either.
unrealeel: Neither have I.
Thorn157: i can't say what you've seen or not seen
unrealeel: I still think I need more. Ignorance and strife. I live with these things yet it hasn't gotten me down yet.
Thorn157: in all likelihood, my theory is just an excuse for wanting to be depressed
unrealeel: I probably haven't seen a lot.
unrealeel: And why do you want to be depressed? 
Thorn157: as for wanting to be depressed, i don't know what that's an excuse for. most likely a need for pity, something. validation. i can never say. i just don't see the reason to be happy.
Thorn157: even lower than that, i suppose, it could be that i'm just biologically screwed up.
unrealeel: Perhaps. I don't see why happiness is so desirable... and biologically, I'm sure you're fine.
Thorn157: then what the hell could it be?
unrealeel: I'm just going to assume you were asking yourself that question.
Thorn157: i envision that i was asking no one...
unrealeel: That's actually sensible. Probably no one has an answer.
Thorn157: i'd imagine some kind of professional could provide valuable input, but no truth
unrealeel: I guess I've given up on truth. It's impossible to obtain. 
unrealeel: It's still a good thing to search for, admittedly. It won't be found, none-the-less.
Thorn157: a bit early to give up on anyt-- ah, what am i saying. there's probably no hope for anyone.
unrealeel: They'll change certainly. I don't know about improve... but I don't believe in improvement.
unrealeel: I'm sure you'll find your own answer when it comes to that. 
Thorn157: ugh. i don't even know what i want.
unrealeel: Perhaps. What would make you happy. Kind of a tough one.
unrealeel: That's at least part of the question.
Thorn157: perhaps i'd be happy knowing that i improved something
unrealeel: Well, if you look at your past selves it may tell you something. 
Thorn157: no, i'd just overanalyze it
unrealeel: It also depends on what improvement means to you. I guess you could just look at a past piece of work. 
Thorn157: i'm thinking improvement as in, perhaps something that makes other people pleased.
unrealeel: That's even tougher. You'd have to find an honest person who's known you for a while at least. 
Thorn157: hm? what about comedians. there are some truly genius ones.
unrealeel: What would this have to do with youself?
unrealeel: yourself*
Thorn157: i don't know...i've gone too deep, i think. i'm extracting thoughts from a pool of inner confusion, now
unrealeel: Well, it's always there for you to extract from it. 
Thorn157: at least i can count on that....and the fact that my feet are cold.
unrealeel: My feet are cold as well.. even though I'm wearing shoes and socks.
Thorn157: why does everyone always ask whether they perfer winter or summer? both extreme temperatures are displeasing. fall is the correct answer.
unrealeel: They do? I thought they usually asked what your favorite season was. Of course fall.
Thorn157: any season without mosquitoes gains merit...
Thorn157: winter is just ..eh...unexciting...
unrealeel: Winter is cold. That's... all I know.
Thorn157: times like this i regret being a human....
unrealeel: I do often regret being a human. Quite often.
Thorn157: naturally. times like this happen often.
unrealeel: But I don't think there are more pleasant other options. Animals, yes. But... no not quite.
Thorn157: the most pleasant option would be the ability to change forms.
unrealeel: You think? I think I'd rather... somehow reach a divine state. 
Thorn157: i thought about that too
Thorn157: a divine state really would be the abilitity to change forms, wouldn't it?
unrealeel: Well, we can think up these things. But I don't think such a state exists.
unrealeel: I thought it would be to contain all forms at once.
Thorn157: perhaps in the energy form...but you'd need to manifest somehow...
unrealeel: Maybe I don't like my body itself. Hm... yes, most likely.
Thorn157: i know that's true of mine
Thorn157: humanity doesn't help it, either
unrealeel: But you're right, there is no real way. It doesn't exist I guess.
Thorn157: the only to do then...is keep living.
unrealeel: But we can't be constantly miserable even if we tried.
Thorn157: no...but it's just rare that i am not.
unrealeel: Are you certain? 
Thorn157: i'm trying to remember things that make me happy...they aren't usual...
unrealeel: Maybe it's beyond reach right now. But in the near future, I'm sure it'll happen again.
Thorn157: and are you certain?
unrealeel: Of what?
Thorn157: that it'll happen again in tbe near future
unrealeel: That you'll be happy? Yes. 
Thorn157: i can only envision the most cheap form of happiness in the near future.
unrealeel: What's that?
Thorn157: amusment, that would be.
unrealeel: That rather is cheap. No... you'd need more than that.
Thorn157: right...and it never comes...
Thorn157: makes me very sad.
unrealeel: Never? I find it hard to believe you've never been happy.
Thorn157: hyperbole...
Thorn157: it's just extremely rare.
Thorn157: few things can do it, as i said.
unrealeel: Still says to me the same thing. What few things?
Thorn157: let me think of a few
Thorn157: 
creation - developing something original that others can enjoy
hopefulness - a sighting of something that has the potential to change the future
connection - coming to a profound understanding about something, or with someone. either.
Thorn157: and it was difficult to think of just those three....
unrealeel: Broad, though.
Thorn157: intentional.
unrealeel: Understandable. Still a small number and difficult to obtain.
Thorn157: i can't think of much else, right now
Thorn157: think of something for me
unrealeel: Those things make me happy, too. Except a few tweaks. And minus the hopefulness. 
unrealeel: But I've been seeing connections everywhere. 
unrealeel: Slight ones at least. Even if they're unintentional. 
Thorn157: oh, they're never intentional.
unrealeel: Realized.
Thorn157: and i'm still a bit sketchy about the hopefulness. it sounds vague and drivelous.
Thorn157: i guess what i mean is that i take pleasure in seeing things that may have a positive influence.
Thorn157: i'm not quite sure what to call that, though
unrealeel: Neither do I. I'm trying to think of what makes me happy.
unrealeel: Or maybe it's just... things that avoid making one unhappy.
Thorn157: both are quite potent...
Thorn157: the latter is actually considered more so
unrealeel: I don't know what it is. Sometimes I just reach a state or a mood where... everything makes me happy. State of bliss... and my senses seem to sharpen. But I don't think that happens often.
Thorn157: i can envision that. happens mostly with the connections.
unrealeel: Also, if death is on one's mind a lot. Probably one will appreciate life more. 
Thorn157: if i've spent a good deal of time talking to someone at school, that day, for instance, it generally makes me very happy.
Thorn157: i try not to think about my own death. it's too vague.
unrealeel: Makes me happy, too. If the conversation wasn't pointless. 
Thorn157: i wouldn't spend a great deal of time on a pointless conversation.
unrealeel: I also often think that... say I look at some scenery or something. Then I'll know no one else will see that exact same picture. That makes me slightly happy.
Thorn157: by see here, i assume you mean percieve. not the physical side of seeing.
unrealeel: That's also true, though. I wouldn't spend a lot of time on something ilke that.
unrealeel: Yes, the physical side of seeing, though.
Thorn157: everyone senses the same thing.
Thorn157: if they haven't had any damage, disability, etc.
Thorn157: if there's any other confusion, it happens in the interpretation part.
unrealeel: It's not always in the same position. Just take for example the screen. It'll never be exactly like this again.
Thorn157: no, you'll never be like that again.
Thorn157: if nothing moves it, that is.
unrealeel: Well actually, it mostly has to do with uncertainty principles and densities. It's more like of it when you go somewhere that not many people go. 
unrealeel: Bad wordage. Hm.
Thorn157: and even if you're moving your head around, you'll percieve the screen as the same size. even though the image it casts is a different size.
unrealeel: I mean, what's on the screen.
Thorn157: the image on a computer screen has the ability to not change at all...
unrealeel: I suppose that would work. If I brought someone here and positioned his head exactly where my head was. Right now.
Thorn157: what i'm saying is, it doesn't matter from which direction someone is viewing an image...it's the same image.
Thorn157: there are ways to fool with that, obviously, but not with two dimensional screens.
unrealeel: Hm. Try outside then. 
Thorn157: even in 3D images, it's possible to get someone to a close enough position so that they saw what would be percieved as the same exact thing you saw
unrealeel: I think it also matters where the pair of eyes are when they're looking at it. But the time would have to be different. 
Thorn157: if you want to get technical about being in the exact same place, well then you enter a realm of technicality that can be extended to the fact that it's impossible to touch antyhing.
Thorn157: there's a level where it's impossible to percieve the difference between two images. even if it is a different time, a slightly different placement.
Thorn157: humans are extrodinarily imprecise creatures
unrealeel: Well if you positioned yourself where it isn't likely another human will position himself the same way.
Thorn157: well. then it's not likely, it's not not possible.
Thorn157: and of course, i'm over analyzing this.
unrealeel: That improbability still pleases me. 
Thorn157: but...wouldn't that be creation, then? it's just only you're enjoying it
unrealeel: Possibly. Then I really haven't gotten very far.
unrealeel: Of course, I don't think it's... one of those things other people would likely be able to enjoy.
Thorn157: the general public, anyway. filmmaking as art is all about seeing things in a different way as anyone else would
unrealeel: So the definition of creation would merely have to be broadened. Not just something developed for others to enjoy
Thorn157: it's just...you show it to them.
unrealeel: Somehow, I don't see perceiving a film the same thing as creating.
Thorn157: no, creating the film
unrealeel: Yes then. That's fine.
unrealeel: I think I'd rather create for myself. 
Thorn157: you're basically talking about setting up pictures without actually taking any
unrealeel: I would. But maybe I wouldn't show them to anyone. Hm.
Thorn157: well, the second you photograph something, it becomes depersonalized...like you expect to show it to someone...
unrealeel: Yes... I'd rather not show anyone. Well. I'd of course show it to myself. 
Thorn157: then...no need to take a picture. if it's only for you...
unrealeel: Maybe to remember it... but no, I wouldn't take a picture then. And so I haven't.
Thorn157: personally, if i saw something that was exceptionally beautiful, some scenery, i would need to show it to someone. i'd just be very careful about choosing who i showed it to.