Here's some real statistics.

Drew Brees (205% performance - GOOD JOB FUCKER)

Jeremy Maclin (25% performance) - Oh for God's sake, Jeremy pick it up. That's silly. Silly. Really stupid.

Santonio Holmes (89% performance) - Okay, this one I like. That's fine, that's good. Thank you Santonio.

Darren McFadden (33% performance) - HOLY MEXICAN JUMPING BEANS Are you kidding me? He's one of the BEST BACKS IN THE LEAGUE versus fucking DENVER. The Goddamn BRONCOS stuff MCFADDEN?! WHAT UPSIDE DOWN SUPER BACKWARDS CRAP WORLD DO WE LIVE IN?! DID JOHN ELWAY RISE FROM THE GRAVE OR SOMETHING AND INSTILL PRIDE INTO THE DENVER FUCKING BRONCOS? (Yes, I know he's not dead. Come on it's a joke. Take it.)

Ryan Matthews (169% performance) - Hey nice! A sleeper. Okay maybe he can keep doing this...but then again he's got Chokeovan handing the ball to him....well, handoffs don't generally get turned into interceptions so I'll bank on this kid.

Jeremichael Finley (73% performance) - That's fine, I'm asking for about that from everybody for a decent team.

Mark Ingram (71% performance) - Welcome to the League. Did fine.

Adam Vinatieri (13% performance) - WHAT THE FUCK ADAM?! Did you forget which way the LACES GO?! BITCHES!

Pittsburgh Steelers' Defense (-29% performance) - ....

...

..Okay let me break this down so we can all understand, ok? Ok. Gather 'round, lads. Here's the deal..Pittsburgh....wait for it....Pittsburgh could have actually brought NO TEAM...ok? NO. TEAM. And they would have done better. ZERO would have been a better result than NEGATIVE TWENTY NINE PERCENT. If Pittsburgh had...I don't know....ALL GOT SMALLPOX AND DIED, THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER OFF. Are you kidding me? Seriously? Throw me a bone here.