i had myself

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HDexi3BDvM (note that the person addressed as you changes throughout from general to me to her, rap-sung with the style of the fresh prince of Bel air intro)

bitch you wanna know my life?
bitch you wanna know my pain?
well motherfucker
welcome to motherfucking hell

imagine a kid that just needed might
but did not care for people at all
imagine a kid that just wanted sight
but no light so into darkness he'd fall

imagine constant noise of people face and voice
ADHD of mind, told bitch enjoy, rejoice
add schizophrenia and a life with no choice
add egomania and self hate, quiet loud voice

add trauma, bullying and what you get is apathy distilled
see through their bullshit. see through their outfit.
see all the garbage weak mindedness inside of them filled

see through their layers, rotten to the core
formed by environment, wandering sheep sore
hurting barely but suffering eternally
screaming into an empty void inside em

ignorance is bliss bitch. i did not have it
all i had is disgust, pain, hate and myself

ignorance is bliss bitch. i did not have it
all i had is disgust, pain, hate and myself

ignorance is bliss bitch. i did not have it
all i had is disgust, pain, hate and myself

ignorance is bliss bitch. i did not have it
all i had is disgust, pain, hate and myself

i survived on myself bitch what did you think
you think i care for myself really?
i survived on myself bitch what did you think
you think i care for your petty little ass

2 years i was happy and the noise was dead
but fuck it love this miserable little place
ironic how empathic i am to feed of pain
abandon and burn down in lust of apathy

imagine a kid with no love for anything at all
imagine them not giving a fuck who death befall
imagine a kid all grown up tired, coming home
with nothing but longing for death. not his own.

FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER IMMA BURN THIS BITCH DOWNNNN
FUCK YOU LITTLE BITCH IMMA STAB YOU IN YOUR CROWN

FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER FOR LETTING ME LIVE MY PAIN
FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER FOR LETTING ME GO INSANE

FUCK YOU LITTLE BITCH FOR CARING ABOUT ME
FUCK YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL BAD FOR KILLING ME

FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER WHAT IF I WANNA GO INSANE
IMMA NEVER WALK OUT OF THAT ROOM WITH A WHOLE BRAIN

ignorance is bliss bitch. i did not have it
all i had is disgust, pain, hate and myself

ignorance is bliss bitch. i did not have it
all i had is disgust, pain, hate and myself

ignorance is bliss bitch. i did not have it
all i had is
myself
all i have is
myself

wanna know how i deal with pain?
been using the same damn trick ever since second grade

i feel shit, i feel sad?
fuck that
i make myself feel angry and disgusted instead

hate is tiring, here it becomes a constant
micro-expression of disgust changes content
pavlov's principle applied to pain
so now hate drives me and pain fuels anger's reign

wanna know how i fell further into darkness?
want to follow me thinking its harmless?
i know you'll survive it im not worried there
im worried what ill do to you if i share.

but to be fair makes sense in the end
if you join me in pain
you become me again
and i hate myself
but i live in zen

you were a better me a hope for my survival
but join me in darkness and there will be a revival
you'll come back and i wont let you go
reminding constantly of how we hurt so

you want to fall into my hell go ahead, be my guest
ill roll out the red carpet and help your descent
but dont complain about the heat of the stars

told ya id rather burn up than live with the scars