Math jokes 16-22

December 16th

Three mathematicians and three physicians are travelling by train. The mathematicians say: “Guys, we manage to travel in a threesome with only one ticket. When the conductor comes, we go into the toilet, wait until he knocks, and shove the ticket underneath the door.” The physicians are impressed and say that they also want to do the trick on the return trip. All the more astonished they are when they notice that the mathematicians don’t have a ticket at all. Later, one mathematician calls: “The conductor comes!”, the three physicians hastily lock themselves in the toilet and the mathematicians go to the opposite toilet, but one of them goes to the physician’s toilet, says: “your ticket, please”, the physicians shove theirs to him, he takes it and goes back to his colleagues.

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December 17th

Typical answers to the question “are all odd numbers primes”?

Physician: 3 is correct, 5 is correct, 7 is correct, 9 is a measuring error, 11 is correct, 13 is correct.

Informatician: writes a program to check, and the result is: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, 9 is prime, 9 is prime … STACK OVERFLOW.

Confused freshman to mathematics: Let p be a prime. Then p is not divisible by 2, hence p is odd. Q.e.d.

Engineer: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime when approximated, 11 is prime, 13 is prime …

Politician: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 will be prime after the next election …

Jurist: 9 is prime … there we have our precedent.

Philosophe: Why don’t we call all odd numbers primes and all primes odd numbers?

Statistician: 100% of the sample 5, 13, 37, 41 and 53 are prime. The data highly suggests that all odd numbers are prime.

Logician: When you explain to me what you mean by “prime” and “odd number”, we can continue to discuss.

Theologician: 3 is a prime and that’s enough for me.

Multiculturist: Yuck! Who are you that you come to split numbers into groups?

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December 18th

Last round of quickies

How does a mathematician catch a lion in Africa? He locks himself in a cage and defines: “I’m outside”.
When is a math lecture compact? When the room is closed and the prof is narrow.
A statistician can lay his head into an oven and his feat into icy water, and say: “Averagedly I’m fine”.
Why do mathematicians confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because OCT 31 = DEC 25.
Old mathematicians don’t die, they just lose some of their functions.

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December 19th (belatedly)

A math student meets a frog who says: “Kiss me! I’m a cursed princess!” The student packs the frog in and shows it to his fellows in the pub. Being asked why he doesn’t redeem the frog, he says: “I’ve got no time for a girlfriend but a speaking frog is cool.”

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December 20th (belatedly)

Three engineers discuss about what profession God would have. The first one: “God must be a machine builder. Look at a human skeleton, isn’t it a miracle of mechanics?” The second one: “No, I think God is an electrical engineer. Look at the neural system, all the connections and networks are top class!” The third one: “No, God must be a building engineer. Who else would put a sewerage pipe straight through an entertainment district?”

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December 21st

A talk in a pub between a mathematician (M) and a foreigner (F).

F: “Hey, are you a logician? What is that?” – M: “Okay, I’ll explain you! Do you have an aquarium?” F: “Yes …” – M: “When there are surely some fish in it!” F: “Yes …” – M: “If you like fish, you also like animals!” F: “Yeah” – M: “If you like animals, you also like children, don’t you!” F: “Yeah …” M: “If you like children, you probably have some!” F: Yeah … M: If you have children, you also have a wife!” F: Surely … M: “And if you have a wife, you’re not gay!” F: “True that, cool!”

The foreigner leaves and meets a friend. “Hey, I gotta tell you … I’ve met a logician!” – “A what?” – “A logician. I’ll explain it to you … do you have an aquarium?” – “No …” – “ARE YOU GAY OR WHAT???”

December 22nd

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A mathematician, a physician and a theologician have escaped on the roof of a burning building. The only chance to escape is jumping into a swimming-pool. The theologician thinks: “God will save me”, he jumps and misses the pool by a landslide. The physician takes a calculator and notepad, crunches numbers for some while, jumps and reaches the middle of the pool. The mathematician also takes a calculator and notepad, jumps and flies into the air. What happened? Sign error!