Thread 30: Stories 31-45

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non-canon
>Spike
[DT]
{SS}
-Pinkie-
~~~
-NOOO! IT'S A DISASTER! The worst possible thing!-

>Hey, pinkie, what's wrong?

-The Monster Clown's been harassing guests again! At this rate we'll lose all our business!-

[Zoinks! A m-m-m-monster clown?!]

>Sounds like we've got a groovy mystery on our hands- hooves. C'mon, Gun Club!

{Ruh-roh!}

Silver-Silver Spoon! Where are you? we need some help from you now!
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>Gwen
"Idris"
~~~

>This is fun. I am having fun.

"Ecstatic fun."

>Bouncing off the walls, practically.

"Literally in some cases where it is just so fun to bounce off the walls."

>Walls made of rubber, which is oh so fun.

"...Are we having fun?"

>Of course not, there are no wood cutting booths, no air tackling, no clawball, no nothing! How is this a fair!?

"To be fair, they don't have claws, aren't as durable as us and don't use swords a whole lot."

>That's no excuse! We have stables for them in our fairgrounds!

"They actually think those are demeaning."

>Why!? We have hay in them!

"But I do agree, this is boring."

>So boring.

"So boring I'm not even mad anymore about the Chitania figures."

>So bored I can barely care that I've stepped in cotton candy twice.

"So bored I think I've started counting my feathers."

>So bored I wish you would just take me into the bathroom and actually liven it up for once.

"...Seriously?"

>UGGGH!

"No, wait, stop walking away, seriously? Because I will do that! Honey? Winny!? Come on, I am all for this!... You can't tempt me like that, woman! I am but a male!"

>Not listening!

"Is this because I stole your bubble treats-"

>YES!

"...I have regrets."

>YOU SHOULD!
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>56
“Luna”
_______

>Here.

“…what in the name of Starswirl is that?”

>Don’t have a clue, looks yummy though. I brought you a plate.

“It looks all… crumply… and what is this white stuff sprinkled over it like so?”

>Looks like snow, don’t it? It might be snow. Let’s go with snow. Wanna fork?

“…”

>What? What’s up with the face…?

“Thou… thou actually intends to use utensils?”

>Um, yeah?

A gear spun out of alignment in Luna’s head rendering her unable to process anything.

“WHY?”

>Love that Royal Rage voice thing there… And well, ‘cause I remember my ‘cuz sayin’ that mares like a guy who’s culled.

“…Culled.”

>Yeah. So I'mma use a fork instead a' just divin' in.

Luna blinked.

“Can ye spell?”

>Better than most.

“Then spell the word ‘culled’ for us.”

>C-u-l-t-u-r-e-d.

A rare breed of giggle escaped the lunar princess and 56 smiled at the sound.

“We thought so. The word thine meant to use was ‘cultured’, 56.”

>…Oooooh. I… yeah that….

It was still something to ponder, how chitin managed to blush, but Luna only lifted her fork in a grasp of magic and dug about their treat.

“And whether a stallion, or Changeling, is culturally well-versed matters not to us. It is who they are and how they present themselves that determines how we find them.”

>Oh. Right, right... and how d’ya find me?

A forkful of funnel cake tapped him playfully over the nose before finding its way into Luna’s mouth.

“We find thee adequate. ...Mmmph, sweet mother on high, but we find this mysterious confection here absolutely mouthwatering! Deliver more unto us!”

>Huh. Never thought I’d lose out to food.

“Shoooooo goood!”

>Not quite sure how ta’ feel about this.
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NC

>Gwen
"Idris"
~~~
Many many years ago

Idris is bobbing his head like an owl before slamming his locker to reveal gwen

"Hey, my little chicky, what's up?"

>P-Prince Id-

"Whoa! Winny! Chillax, I told you to drop the titles around me."

>Well... remember when we got drunk at the party a few weeks back and?

Gwen blushes

"Hehe, yeah, and when my folks found out I had been drinking, my dad declared war on beer companies. Psh, such a square. So what's on your mind my little raptor?"

>... Idris i'm gravid.

"... Whoa- Seriously?"

>You think I'm joking?!

"Whoa, baby! no need to get upset, it's cool. We get hitched is all, and you become my princess!"

>Idris, this is serious, i'm going to have a chick.

"Honey, we got love, and I know I got love for you, and the egg growin' in you."

>Idris... oh, Idris, you're eve better than a fairytale prince!

"Shut up, baby, I know."

>What?

Idris tenses

"I said 'I love you too.'."

Gwen grins

>shut up, baby. I know.

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>Suckerpunch
"41"
'Tourists'
-Fawntaine Rep-
[???]

>So...here we are.

"Yes we are, a big ass auditorium with more Haywaiian shirts than the actual island and enough flashbulbs to make me think 10 cloned herself."

'Isn't this exciting? I love these Fawntaine guys!'

'Our tour guide was such a nice boy, so informative and polite!'

'How about that slideshow? What a knee slapper.'

>"..."

>I hate this place.

"Let's just suffer through this, report back to Spike, then go play lazer tag."

>I hear ya.

'Ssssh! It's starting!'

The lights in the classy art deco go down as a single spotlight shines down, cueing a band to begin playing an upbeat jazz tune accompanying an earth pony stallion in a sharp suit as he struts on the stage. The crowd gives him some polite applause as he makes his way to the center, he bows.

-Thank you, thank you, thank you all for taking our lovely tour. We here at Fawntaine Industries, as well as our R&D Branch Fawntaine Futuristics are happy to educate you, our loyal customers, on all the wondrous things we intend to bring about in Equestria, no, the world itself! I-...oh dear. It appears I left my glass of water offstage, pardon me one moment.-

>Professionalism at wor-

"Holy crap, lookit!"

Whistling a little tune the presenter holds up a hoof, summoning a golden glow around it as a similarly glowing glass of water floated from offstage to his hoof. He takes a drink from it and gives a pleased exhalation before looking over to the crowd.

-So, do I have your attention now? Great! This little slice of miracle is something we like to call 'Kinesis', and as the name implies it allows a mere earth pony like me to replicate the simple levitation and movement spell of a unicorn. Do we have any unicorns in the audience, today?-

'Uh...I am!'

-Fantastic, sir, tell me, are you able to notice from whom a form of magic emanates?-

'A general idea, yeah.'

-And did you sense anyone else using magic when I levitated that glass?-

'No, sir, it was...all from you.'

-You are stunned of course, why?-

'Beca-'

-Rhetorical! I know why! Friends they said this would never be! That magic was the purview of unicorns and the Princesses themselves, but here I stand before you, an earth stallion levitating this glass! How is this possible? Why I'll tell you!-

A banner falls behind the speaker as he flashes a million bit smile. It's a bright yellow, depicting an ornate vial depicting an earth pony levitating a spoon with the same glow. A ribbon wraps itself around the vial, emblazoned with the words: "Infusion: Miracles in a Bottle!"

-The Infusion! With a state of the art mixing of magic and science, we at Fawntaine have done the impossible! Earth Ponies, do you wish that construction project you're working on could go faster? Use Kinesis to get those tools and materials where they're needed lickety split!

With a flourish another banner drops down, this time revealing a squat decanter framed in blue, its label showing several glimpses of athletic competition.

-Pegasi, do you need a little more kick when you're bucking those clouds? With our upcoming Ath-Elite Infusion, you'll be stronger than an applebucker, quicker than a wonderbolt, and have the reflexes of Daring Doo herself!-

Another florish, another banner, this time of several vials showing various logos, from a lightning bolt, to a fire, to a pink heart.

-And let's not forget you, Unicorns, don't feel left out! Got the 'Spell that got away' blues? Just can't get your head around the specifics? Well fret not, if it's in a spell book, you can bet your bottom bit there's an Infusion for it! With these marvels of modern magi-science we'll eliminate the differences that separated our different species of pony so long ago, heck, with a little doing...-

The speaker looks out over the crowd.

-...who says changelings get to have all the shapeshifting fun?-

There's quite a bit of applause, 41 looks at Suckerpunch nervously.

-Now, of course, I know there's some skeptics out there...very loud skeptics. Who curse. A lot. But we can't fault you for doubting the future, after all, our species' previous forays into the realm beyond our current understanding have been...complete disasters, to put it lightly. Robot invasions, giant monsters, etcetera, but for each problem science causes, a solution is not far behind. Science is in a state of constant, continuous evolution, and our species can go far if we just weather the bumps in the road. I say, we put to bed the fears of the past and join hooves in the bright future that is Fawntaine! Who's with me, huh?-

All around the two there are cheers and raucous applause, they grimace at one another. As it quiets down the speaker flashes another smile.

-Now one last thing to put these skeptics to bed, eh? I have with me a special 'preview' vial of one of our Infusions. We are going to select one of you in the audience to partake of this fantastic breakthrough before it hits the market! So without further ado, kill the lights and we'll see who our lucky winner is!-

The lights go out in the auditorium, a snare drums begins to tap out a rapid rhythm as the spotlight zooms over the excited faces of the audience before settling...on Suckerpunch.

>"...crap."

-And there ya have it, folks! Let's hear it for our winner! Come on up and have taste of the FUTURE!-

>I would seriously rather not.

-Awww a shy guy, huh? Come on, get on up here, wow the world, impress your ladyfriend~-

>She's not my-okay she's a lady and my friend but she's-!

'Come on, buddy!'

'This is a once in a lifetime deal!'

"Ugh, just do it so we can get out of here, if it tastes like ass I'll get you another Zap Apple Cider."

>Fine.

Sucker Punch growls and walks his way up to the stage, climbing up the steps and onto it as the speaker gives him a pat on the back.

-Let's hear it for...what's your name?-

>Sucker Punch.

-No really.-

>Like you got a better one. Let's just do this.

-Right-o right-o! Now if I'm not mistaken, Mr. Punch, based on your countenance, physique, and...trying personality, you are a Royal Guard, are you not?-

>Yeah?

-Then we've just the product for you, my friend! Behold!-

From a trapdoor rises a podium, on which stands a vial of Infusion, the liquid inside glowing a dark blue, its label showing a lightning bolt.

-This handy dandy little product is what we like to call 'Storm Front', haven't you ever been chasing a criminal and thought to yourself 'I wish I could just give him a little jolt'? Heck, have you ever just wanted to give a pesky prankster a little comeuppance after one too many joy buzzer shots? This little marvel is currently in testing to be a compatible power source for our own brand of automatons!-

>So...do I drink it?

-Yep, just pop off the lid and take a swig!-

>Welp...bottoms up!

Suckerpunch opens the vial and swallows it in one gulp.

-You signed the waiver, right?-

>What-!?

Suckerpunch jerks, sparks of electricity crackling off his body, his back arches and his teeth grit before the electricity centers itself around his right hoof. He shakes himself, blinking.

>Faust...

-How ya feeling?-

>Still below making you ride the lightning, lucky for you.

-Oh ho, talk about police brutality, am I right folks? Now...-

The speaker taps the stage with his hoof again, summoning up a small target from below.

-Give us all a little show of what a hoof fulla lightning can do! Just cock back and let loose!-

Sucker Punch cocks back his hoof and thrusts it towards the target, letting loose an arc of electricity that scorches the target dead center.

"AWESOME!"

-Aha! There ya have it, folks! A crack shot from a Sucker Punch! Now that vial was good for three shots, kinda like a genie's wishes! Now I'm gonna let you have the last one for whatever you can think of, but I thought we'd have a little bit of fun first, meet my good friend.-

The speaker's hoof glows again and from offstage he pulls a...robot dressed as a cowboy.

>The...hell?

-This is Trigger Happy Jack.-

[HOWDY! MY NAME IS trigger HAPPY jack!]

-He's designed to test reaction time, but we thought we'd spruce him up a little.-

[LET'S quickdraw, PARDNA!]

-So, think you can give him a little zap in the chest before he can 'shoot' ya?-

Sucker Punch grins.

>Yeah, let's do it!

-That's the spirit, my friend! Let's give him some encouragement, folks!-

The crowd and 41 cheer.

[This will be fun, FOR ME!]

-Alrighty, on the count of three, he'll try to raise that little pea-shooter on his leg, you gotta nail him with the lightning before he says 'Bang!' Ready?-

>Ready!

-One...two...three!-

Trigger Happy Jack raises his arm, but receives a bolt of lightning to the chest, causing him to jerk and jitter as the crowd cheers.

-What a performance, what a majestic tour de force! Fillies and gentlecolts this is but a taste at what we at Fawntaine Industries have prepared to bring Equestria into the future! Our Infusions will be hitting store shelves later this year and then you too will be able to sample the helping hoof of Fawntaine!-

Sucker Punch leans in towards the speaker.

>...so the hell do I do with this thing?

-Turn on an appliance? Make things interesting in the bedroom? Make that purple girly get a little green? Doesn't matter to us, have fun, buddy!-

Sucker Punch slowly walks off the stage walking with the crowd as 41 steps in to walk next to him.

"Well that's pretty cool."

>I feel like I've been had...

"Should we go find Spike?"

>Yeah...

"...how'd it taste?"

>Like putting my tongue to a forcefield...and blue raspberry.
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>Batmom
"Dadling"
~Speaker~
________

~*crackle* Attention, Ms Glimmer! Ms Glimmer to the concession stand, I repeat, Ms Glimmer to the concession stand! Attention, Ms Glimmer! Ms Glimmer to the…~

For the past forty minutes, she’d had to hear her name blared out over every park speaker as she walked, head bowed with slight embarrassment, towards the kiosk where each visitor was given a stamp on their hoof.

>Celestia help that fool if he-NNGH!

“Oh praise Faust! You hear me up there? Praise you! Baby, what happened? I thought I lost you! Are you okay, are you hurt? Nobody touched you, did they? DID THEY?! Where are they? I’ll rip their spinal cords-”

>Sweetheart, I’m fine, calm down. I told you I was going to bathroom, remember? I told you, then walked less than twenty feet away to the stall.

“B-but then you didn’t come out so I thought something had happened and ran around looking for you….”

Damn him for managing to be so adorably dense.

>I never left the bathroom. Not once. The line was just kind of long, dear.

“Oh… I g-guess that was pretty stupid, huh? Running around, nearly having a stroke, having them call you….”

HNNNNNG, his face! Oh Celestia above I could give him all the kisses!

>Nah, it was actually kind of romantic, you goofball.

“Really…?”

Okay, give him just one kiss now, and then sexy times later. One kiss, don’t overdo it, right on the cheek… Phew, mission accomplished!

>Really. Now come on, I’m only allowed on certain rides thanks to the bundle in my belly and I don’t plan on wasting the chance to ride them all at least five times.

“Then let’s kick the tires and light the fires, snugglehorse!”

>And there goes my man, just as carefree and amazed as always. …I am so going to rock his world tonight.
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>Pinkie
"Chrysalis"
'Dash'
~Fluttershy~
[IR]
{CQ}
~~~~~~

>MAKE THEM STOOOOOPPP!

"No."

[I like her better than your other friend.]

{Banging your head on a wall when someone is talking is just rude.}

*WHAM!* 'I STILL HEAR THE STORIES!' *WHAM!* 'MAKE IT GO AWAAAAYYYY!'

~I thought it was romantic.~

{Indeed. My husband is a stallion right from a storybook.}

[Swept off her hooves after politely requesting her to put down her book.]

>Daddy, mommy, WHY!?

[Because you didn't write a thank you note to Maud.]

{She helped your little friend out.}

>I THANKED HER IN PERSON!

{It's not the same. A formal card is customary.}

>You guys! You just like seeing me suffer!

[We do not like it. We do it, but we do not like it.]

"Pfft, drama queen."

>You have no room to talk! You say your mom was awesome all the time!

"Yeah, she really was..."

>How much worse could your dad be!?

"My dad tried to kill me with a torch when I was three after calling me a hellspawn. I had to blow a hole in his chest so my mom could get an opening to take off his head."

And just like that, everyone, EVERYONE, froze.

'...What...'

~What the fuck!?~

[I agree, what the fuck!?]

>DID YOU JUST SHOW SURPRISE!?

"...What? It was awesome! My first win ever, and I got to be a badass tag-teaming with my mom in a fight. You know how rare that is? Queens either fight solo or they send their minions to do the fighting for them. But, as we've established, my mom was AWESOME!"

>...Happy for you...

"Think you mis-spoke there, Ponka. You were thinking 'jealous of you'... OH HOLY SHIT! Does that ride seriously toss candy into the air and have you catch it!?"

>Y-yeah, it's... uh... the sugar bounce...

"KICKASS! We're riding that next!"

>Right... right behind you...

'...What the fuck...'

~Does it bother anyone else how... unbothered she was about that?~

{It was like she was just recalling the time she found her lucky bit...}

[...I'd watch that one after the ceremony, daughter.]

>DADDY NO! BAD!
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>Chitania
"???"
'???'
~~~~

>THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT! I've passed by this stupid bouncy house at least five times! On what planet is this possible!? I walk in a straight line, surely I should either hit a new area or fall off the edge, right!? What is...

Honed instincts from thousands upon thousands of battles kicked in, muscles tensing and reacting without warning. Her hind legs lashed backwards, and found purchase in a solid, hard shape.

A shape which screamed a comical scream as it was launched.

"DARN IIIIIT!"

The thing finally came to a stop at a wall, cracking it as it landed.

"I almost had it!"

>What the...

'56! Thou should not be so brash in attacking others like that! What were you thinking!?'

"I dunno, moons! I just saw her and my brain flipped a switch and said "I HAD TO SNUGGLE THAT" over and over! It was like I was compelled, moons! Compelled to snuggle! But WOW can she kick!"

'...Indeed, thou art in there fairly deep.'

"Right!? She's got to be as tough as Applebutt, minimum! She might even have a more muscly butt than hers! No wonder my plotsense went off. I must've been drawn to it like a moth to that thing I do every tuesday! I need to try again and... hey, where'd she go!?"

'It appears she beat a hasty retreat under threat of continued molestation.'

"NOOOO! I was gonna snuggle her! It would have made my life so much better, somehow in ways I don't understand!"

'Thou has a problem.'

"I can quit whenever I want, and I never want to quit because I NEED IT!"

'...Is thou's skin cracked!?'

"Wha-?... Oh, hey, yeah, little crack on my chest. Neato. She must've hit a weakspot.... Holy plotlove! I have weakspots!? BLANKFLANK MUST NEVER KNOW!"

'That's it, I'm sure...'

Suspicious eyes flickered back to the spot where the mare had stood. She had not gotten a good look at them, but...

'I'm sure...'

"...Can I snuggle you to fix my cracks?"

'Very well.'

"Ha ha! Fixing cracks with cracks! BRILLIANT!"

'...That was painful.'

"NO REGRETS!"
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>56
"Luna"
'An unnamed stallion'
-An anonymous mare-

>Hey, moons?

"Yes 56? What do they ask?"

>Why do all these ponies say "Double the fun" around you?

"Oh, that, well you see 56, when I first made the terrifying move back into society, my tone of speech was somewhat....vernacular and convoluted"

>What's that?

"Exactly, and I had this odd habit of expressing my enjoyment, taking things a little too regally"

>Is that a bad thing, being regal?

"Well no, but this turn of phrase I uttered has caught on with the citizenry, no matter how old it is"

>Hey, don't be such a grumpy-rumpy, so what if it's a dumb phrase you said or something, I still think you're cool

"Hrhrmhrm, plebs..."

>So this "Double the fun" stuff, does it have any particular meaning anymore?

"I don't believe so, unless thou just "double" everything that's fun"

>Soooooooo, if I like fun, and snuggling them plots are fun....

"56, thou really shouldn't think so hard, your hard is starting to heat up"

>Then...by carrying the one....I need to...double....the number .....of plots.....snuggled per day.....

"Please try not to, the restraining orders our office receives is enough as is"

>So....ah poop, there just aren't enough mares booty to have...

"We...understand? Thou can't have everything, every mare and stallion must come to know that as they grow up in the wor-"

>Wait, did you just say "Stallion"? THAT'S IT! I CAN DOUBLE THE FUN!

"But aren't thou not into-"

>MY DUTY AS BOOTY SNUGGLER MUST NO KNOW BOUNDS! YOU THERE! GOOD SIR!

"56 NO! NOT AGAIN!"

'What are yo-Hoi!~'

"We are so sorry, citizen, he thinks he has discovered something but we assure you he-"

>Dang! I never knew how much more muscle there was in stallions, this is springy as 2 on a sugar high, I LOVE DIS BUTT

'You hear that Martha?! At least someone appreciates all the work I've put into this for you!'

"..Wha..."

-Keep dreaming George! You know he's only doing it for attention!-

>Aah, shaddap and let me adore this butt
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>32
"Reggie"
'Q'
-Thorax-
~Flim~
#Flam#
@Spike@
&42&
%77%
[Twi]

On the roof of the speeding cider machine, two changelings circle each other, their postures readied, their looks venomous, their horns glow with readied blasts of energy.

>I always knew it'd come down to this one day, though I guess I still do, since you aren't real.

&You've got no chance against me, I'm your better in every way.&

>Really? As I remember our only real combat to this point was an exchange of sucker punches...the action not the guy.

&Nevertheless, you infiltrator, me warrior, and I can kick these two's comparitively badder asses. You don't have a snowball's chance in hell.&

>Could I convince you to let me have a brick?

&No dice, I'm taking you in and this time, the Queen will finally have her revenge.&

>Liiiike hell, even if you did take me in AND she executed me-

&Yes, this is a dream, you'll still be alive...if you call that living!&

>Point.

42 lunges in and the battle is joined, forelegs clashing as strikes are launched and counter and those counters are countered as well, their bodies engaged in the eloquent dance of combat.

&It's so funny, you thinking you can stand against me, after I have outstripped you at every turn! I've even outtalked you!&

>Wait, fucking what? When?

32 dodges a swift kick and takes a step back as 42 laughs.

&Do you not remember? The corridor, your little minion being filled with your poisonous treason-&

>You mean the facts I was telling him? The very concrete facts?

&Your ludicrous conjectures that our race was doomed-&

>We're in the double digits.

&-our Queen incompetent-&

>Trying to seduce a guy, badly I might add, who's as monogamous as a dove.

&-and that we were anything other than just fine! I rebuffed your nonsense-&

>By spouting an anecdote about how any and all attempts by drones to govern their own fate are doomed.

&-...look it's not like you fucking did much more than say 'Y-you too'! Face facts! We're stable! We're growing! You have no points!&

42 punctuates her speech with a swift buck that sends him flying, landing on his back as 42 smirks.

&Hail to the Queen, fucker.&

>Nngh...not. So. Fast.

32 sits up, eyes narrowed in a cold fury, looking 42 in the eyes.

>Stable? Stable. You call this stable? Of our eighty of so remaining members, only about four are in romantic relationships, only three of which can bear children-not that I'm against that sort of thing, of course-, only two of which can actually confess their feelings for each other, and only one of which has a baby on the way. Our best and brightest are barking up a tree that is not only wrong but so well rooted, Princess Applejack couldn't buck it down! You want to know what stable is you chromedomed lackwit!? Stable is a population measured well into the triple digits, stable is a race that doesn't have a near non-existent population density outside of a single ballroom, stable is not treating a single kid like the Hivemind's second coming, STABLE is houses, towns, cities, places we can call our own! You call what we have stable!? It's not stable, it's STAGNANT! Y-you too THAT, you pointless punchbug!

32 ducks a punch from said bug and nails her with an uppercut, making her stumble back as she growls.

&Nice argument, shame you didn't have the balls to say it to the real me!&

>Oh her time will come, believe me, her and her precious vestigial Queen! Maybe not at my hooves, but one day, one lovely day, vengeance will be meted out for all of her crimes!

%Brother!%

77 is sitting up, looking a lot worse for wear.

>Oh FUCK! OFF! I beat you already!

%You do not understand! She did not mean to do the things she did to u-

>PFFFFHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH WOW! YES! JUST! YES! SHE DIDN'T MEAN IT! SHE DIDN'T FUCKING MEAN IT!

"Uh...boss? Are you okay?"

>Of course I'm okay! Didn't you hear!? She didn't MEAN it! All my scars are fading away! Oh but I am healed! She didn't MEAN it! Brother take off your eyepatch! Truly your eye has grown back with this revelation! This great healing! She didn't mean it! OH! OH ALL OF YOU DOWN BELOW! ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE FALLEN ROUSE YOURSELF FROM YOUR RESTING PLACES! SHE DID NOT MEAN IT! Oh...oh my...I don't think they heard, brother, should I shout louder? Should I try harder to inform them that their deaths are not valid if the Queen did not intend for them to die?

%...%

>Sit the fuck down like the fool you are and let the adults handle this. And go get that ladyfriend of yours pregnant, multiple times, we need the boost!

&Speaking of handling this-&

Before 32 can react, 42 has slipped behind him, forelegs wrapping around his middle and hoisting him up through the air and forcing him to land headfirst on the ground.

'Ouch, Germane Suplex.'

Spike massages his neck.

@Yeesh...@

42 gets up, slapping her hooves together.

&That ought to be all for him. Now to just kill the rest of them.&

"'~#WHAT!?#~'"

&You're ancillary at best, far within the realms of expandability, and murder's like potato chips, you can't just stop at one.&

42 grins, advancing on Reggie, who puts on a brave face...maybe, it's hard to tell because, well, roach.

"Okay, okay, you wanna go, tough girl? I'll go! You think you're so tough with that big dumb helmet? That helmet made from other, lesser helmets? That helmet possibly caked in the dried...blood of...vanquished foes...heyQhow'saboutyougimmeahand?!"

'Coming!'

Q charges the changeling, but gets caught and swing by her forelegs, shattering a few of the golem's spikes.

&Aaaand going! I'll come back you later, I got a bug to squash.&

>How about a bug to be squashed by!?

CLANG!

42 oofs as a monkey wrench connects with her head, sending her sprawling against the remains of the flak cannon. 32 pants, letting the monkey wrench drop as he grabs another, deadlier weapon: 77's knife. He advances on 42,

>Fitting, my sister's deadliest weapon should put an end to my enemy's greatest tool-oof!

A sudden hoof to his middle sends the knife flying, in a swift movement 42 grabs it out of the air and slams it through one of 32's leg holes, pinning him to the hulk of metal that was the flak cannon. She grins.

&See!? You're worthless in a fight, you disgusting traitor! Worthless in a debate! Worthless in those caves! Worthless!

Her hoof presses against 32's throat, she is flush with tje pride of victory.

&Any last words?&

>Pink...

&Excuse me, what?&

>Prissy...

42 looks confused.

&What are you-?&

>Pert...

42's eyes go wide.

&No! You are not-!&

>Prissy Prancing Pretty-

Her eyes twitches, she tries to rear back for a headbutt!

>PONY!

Her neck muscles tense.

>PRINCESS!

Her head rockets towards his.

>PLOT!

With an abruptness that would have only been more complete with the sounds of tires screeching, she stops, body jittering legs wobbling, immobilized.

@The hell did you do to her!?@

>I weaponized her conflicting feelings, read: Her complete inability to get laid. Right now she is locked within her own mind, ogling the mental image of one Princess Mi Amore Cadenza.

77 and Spike rush up to either side of her, glaring at 32.

@Nice try, buddy, but she'll come out of this and when she does-@

>Oh good, you're standing near here, this makes the coup de grace easier.

%@WHAT!?@%

>Ahem! OILED ARMOR ASS!

42's eyes, half-lidded, snap open, her body twitches and jerks, her jaw lowers until suddenly, she is still, and there is silence.

>Flim! Umbrella!

It comes sailing through the air, 32 opens it just before-

&L...lewd...&

-42's nose gushes forth a flow of crimson like the world has never seen! So power is it, that is sends her barreling back into Spike and 77, sending the trio rocketing over the horizon. 32 lowers his bloodstained umbrella.

>And the Gun Club's blasting off again. Gotta love that dream logic.

[Ahem.]

32 turns to see Twi still following the train.

>Oh hello Princess, what's say we forget about all this 'Me Dispatching Your Minions' business and you come down for a bit of cider, eh? I actually kind of like you compared to those buffoons.

[I'll pass.]

>Oohhhh, I see that look! You're planning something, something to reduce little old me to cinders.

[Something like that, have a nice train ride.]

Twi breaks off, 32 grimaces.

>Well that's not foreboding.

{Turn around, stupid.}

~Ohhh dear.~

#Well this just complicated things.#

>What's it?

32 runs up to the controls, Flim hands him a telescope.

~Look!~

32 looks through to telescope at the distant oncoming tracks. On them stand his worst nightmare.

>ALL OF THEM!? SERIOUSLY!?

Every single Princess of Equestria, along with Discord and Shining Armor, stand on the tracks, horns aglow and ready to tear the cider machine asunder. And in their center, smirking that irritating smirk, was Chrysalis herself.

>Damn it! Does this thing have any other forms?

~The Cider Squeezy 6000 Mark 2 has a variety of forms!~

#Zeppelin, Speedboat, Mole...#

~But they require us to slow down before we change!~

#Lest we go off the rails!#

"Too late for that..."

~And in that time, the Princesses would be upon us!~

>So...we're doomed to be destroyed, are we?

~It seems so.~

>Well then, there's nothing for it...

32 pushes forwards on the throttle and slams 77's knife into the console. If he's going down, the Queen Bitch is going with him.

>RAMMING SPEEEEEEEEDDDD!!!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Actarius
"JJ"
'Arana'
{???}
~~~~

>We're not lost.

"We are! We're never going to find the princess!"

>So negative. Always burying your head in the sand, you know?

"I do not!"

>You do! I see you face down in the sand so often you'd swear it kept your head warm.

"Oh stop!"

>Pal, when you're like that, stopping is not an option. I have to keep going until your head is held high.

"...Thanks."

'I don't know why everyone snickers around you two, you seem pretty normal to me.'

>Forbidden friendship.

"Changeling and guard, and all that jizz."

>Jazz.

"That's what it's called? Wow, I was way off."

'So, where are we supposed to go ne-'

"DUCK!"

He tackled them both, shoving them underneath a booth into a very cramped, and very filthy, position.

>What's wrong!?

"SHHH!"

>...
"..."
'...'

{....So then what I told Shiny was that if he wanted to keep seeing that side of me, I was going to have to get a thong or something. I'm just saying, sometimes it really gets up in there, and I have to get a pencil and.........}

>...
"..."
'...'

"...PHEW!"

>Nice call. Damn, she's spooky in person.

"You don't know the half of it."

'She really is... she tried to set me on fire.'

>Well, I guess we can hang down here another minute or two... uh, JJ? You're poking me with your chitin bits.

"Want to roll over and switch?"

>...Nahh, I kind of like it.

'I missed hanging around normal guys...'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Rekulk
"Vekir"
'Grehm'
-Cotton Candy Vendor-

"MOOOOOOOOOOORE!"

-I'm working on it!-

"The delicious cloud sweets will be mine, mine and mine alone!"

>We have been standing here for half of the thing ponies call an hour! Whyfor do you not cut her off!?

-Because she paid me with a flawless diamond! That entitles her to a LOT of friggin' cotton candy!-

"MWAHAHAHAHA!"

>Sister, while I am proud you have joined me in the joys of the trade, you are too narrowminded, with your sweets and fluffy dead animals, we must think to trade in ways that will make the ponies our friends and to trade more valuable things!

"But the cloud sweets are more valuable than gold!"

Grehm looks at the sign, advertising six gold bits for one serving of the treat.

'...these are facts.'

>Sister, be thinkful, we must make friends above all else! Think now, who do you wish to be your friend?

"...everyone!"

>That is a long-time goal, we are looking at short-time. Now, think moreso, who in PARTICULAR?

"...the siblings of Zhetri Tuuhl!"

>Whiiiich?

"...hmmmmm...The Helmeted one! She is wise...and has an above average rump according to the teachings of Vivdee-Zex."

>Fifty Six.

"What did Vekir say?"

>...No, no, you said it right, my mistake. So! We must endeavor to find that which she would appreciate above all!

"...Hmmmmmmmmmm...OH! Behold, Brother!"

Vekir points at a sign advertising: 'Hyper-Lazer Hyper-Tag! A Special Event For The Partyland Arcade! Winning Teams Receive Authentic Space Mareine Helmets!'

>A competition?

"With a HELMET as the prize! For what would the Helmeted One prize more than a helmet?"

'These are also facts.'

"I am very factual. The kin of Zhetri Tuuhl have taught me well."

Vekir nods sagely.

Rekulk grimaces, then sighs.

>It is true, she of Helmets would enjoy a helmet, it is all that is logical and true. Very well! We shall enter this competition and get the helmet!

The Morlocks walk off.

-So do I keep making the cotton candy or-

"YES!"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chrysalis
"Pinkie"
'Dash'
(Fluttershy)
[IR]
{CQ}
~~~

>I'm telling you, it totally worked.

"IT DID NOT!"

>It did! I totally managed to get the train over six hundred miles an hour!

'Don't believe you.'

(You're a liar, and you are going to the liar place.)

[Daughter, I thought you said that one was shy?]

{She has been very forward.}

(Oh, I'm sorry, am I coming off too brash?)

>Yeah, little bit.

(I wasn't asking you.)

{See?}

"Uh... Shy and Chrysalis have... a history."

>ONE TIME! Seriously, one time! And I was super pissed off at the time too! AND YOUR ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND HAD JUST KICKED MY ASS!

(Me and Discord aren't dating.)

>WHATEVER!

'...What, really?'

(It was still very hurtful!)

>I said sorry! And I almost never say sorry, for anything!

(You only said it because Discord kept threatening you!)

>And!?

(It's insincere!)

>Don't you give me that crap, you just like watching me get stuck to walls, or find a snake in my popcorn, or have to walk on the ceiling.

(...Oh my goodness... I DO!)

>Uh... didn't expect that.

'Shy? You okay?'

(NO! She's right! I've been enjoying it this whole time! I've been sending Discord after her like he was some sort of attack dog! I'M A TERRIBLE PONY!)

"Do you see what you did!? You made Fluttershy cry!"

>Uh...

(This whole time I thought you were the terrible one, but even you didn't do something this petty! I'M A BAD PONY!)

[Maybe a little.]

{It sounds like it.}

"MOM! DAD!"

>...No you're not?

(You're just saying thaaat!)

>...Help?

'Oh no, you did this!'

>How? By being thrown into a pool made of glue once? She really did go all out.

"YOU BRAINWASHED SHINY!"

>Oh, okay... Uh, Flutters? You're not as bad as me, I don't think. Did you ever rip out someone's throat? I had to do that once, my aunt Scopris tried to kill me. You're not that bad, right?

(That just makes me feel worse!)

>But Shiny and me have fun all the time. Hell, me and Celestia hang out, even. Me and CELESTIA. I shot her in the head.

(That's not better!)

>Just saying, if I can almost blow up Canterlot and get forgiven, I guess I can look the other way for you making Disco-dancer turn my toilet into quicksand?

(...You mean it?)

>Well, I mean, not if you keep having him DO it, even I don't shoot anybody anymore, but yeah. I guess we could just, like, restart?

(...That... that would be nice.)

>Alright... so could you help Shiny brush up on some polynomial laws, or....

(Absolutely not.)

>Well, we're off to a great start! Long lasting friendship, right here.

(I like 18 better.)

>FEH! No taste!

"...Huh... well, I guess that's cleared up."

'Speaking of, uh, Shy? You mind telling Discord to back off with the giant evil clown faced storm clouds?... The ones spitting jack in the boxes... with chainsaws...'

(T-that's not...)

"Who could it be if it's not Discord?"

(...I-I... I meant, that's not a problem! I'll just go find him and make him fix it! Be RIGHT back!)

>...happy?

"I guess?"

'You could have done that earlier.'

>Well, excuse me for having the audacity to be at the mercy of a chaos creature.

'Never going to stop being an asshole, are you?'

>She says, clearly just offended that her 'find a target and humiliate them' buddy shamed her.

'I do no-... oh, right....'

[See, Pinkie? We told you she could get along with your friends.]

"DADDY I WILL HIT YOU!"

[Go ahead, I keep wishing you would so I can see how my baby girl is growing.]

{Aim for his jaw.}

>...You seriously have cool parents. Would not mind them being in-laws.

[See?]

"..."

'I am so, so sorry.'

"Yeah... me too."

Much, much further away, Fluttershy was having... trouble.

(Go away!)

And it just grew bigger.

(GO AWAY!)

And then it gained a gattling gun.

(...Please?)

Only then, did it disappear in a cloud of confetti.

(...I might be in over my head...)
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>56
“Luna”
~~~~~

>Wooooow… it’s so… beautiful…

“56, really… we thinks perhaps thou has gotten a mite greedy as of late with our posterio-”

>No. No, not that… this….

Perplexed, Luna felt a slight tug at her rear-end and then 56 strolled out in front with her tail hanging from between his lips.

She blinked.

“56… we were not aware thou also entertained tail play.”

>Huwuh?

“Regardless, spit that out! We are in a public residence and-”

The command was followed and 56 used his own tail to lift hers up, his eyes running up and down the ethereal marvel.

“…Is there something intriguing about our tail?”

>It’s got stars in it!

“We know this….”

>But… but how? Look, you got constellations all up and down it, this is so cool! How come I never noticed it before?

And now a lucid warmth was invading Luna’s cheeks as she watched the youngling “ooo” and “ahhh” over her twitching tail.

“It’s… well, it’s not something that we make publicly known, or usually let be seen….”

>Hey, I’m seein’ it and lovin’ it! What’s causin’ this, then?

“We are happy.”

>So am I, but why’s your tail full’a stars, Moons?

She puffed out her cheeks and glanced off to the side.

“…We just told thee. ’Tis because we are happy. When our happiness is doubled, the constellations appear in our mane and tail….”

>…
“…”

>That’s so dang cute.

“B-be silent, whelp!”

>Sure, after I ask this! Why’re ya so happy?

No answer came to his question and Luna quickly pulled her illuminated tail back. She fixed the smitten Changeling with a regal stare and then snorted before turning and sashaying down the lane.

>Moons…?

A casual grin over the shoulder was all he received.

“Just come along, there are rides to be ridden and funnel cakes to be funneled.”
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>29
"???"
~~~~

>Ugh, another bout of fear at mine visage, another flee of terror in mine wake. Again and again I am derided by my lessers. Again and again I am put down unjustly...

~SIGH!~

>Sometimes I look to the sky and wonder if there was any other less fortunate that I-

*BOOOOOOM!*

>...

*THUMP!*

>...

"...In case you were wondering, you are full of shit."

>...12?

"Seriously, shut the fuck up."

>Why... why did that explod-

"I DON'T KNOW!"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________