im doing it here bc discord will probably tell me i went over some limit and i dont wanna do small little bits, and maybe you heard some things before idk but just read all anyway

first off..

i kinda was a tiny bit upset and a and an even tinier bit mad that you just told me to rest after i asked if u wanted to play with me like you literlly just said go rest, couldve been nicer about it but doesnt matter anyway.

what i really want to say is

sorry. i know ive said this a few times lately but thats not enough for everything thats been done, im truly sorry. you know how much you mean to me okay, you are really a huge part of my life, one of the biggest for sure, the things you do for me and have made me feel is something special that only you could do. you are what keeps me going like you really are its not an exaggeration i really cant see myself keep going or pushing through anything anymore if it wasnt for you. when i say youre the best i mean it.

when theres this distance lately and just how everything feels between us being off it really breaks me apart mentally and emotionally, the day really isnt the same and no im not saying i have to rely on you to be happy and whatnot but its just, not the same.. idk how to properly explain but maybe you get it maybe not. i cant cope with being so far apart or feeling something weird between someone who is so valuable so special so important to me. and then when the arguing happens and you get mad and insult me and other stuff i just, i dont even know anymore i just break like completly break lose all state of mind i dont knowwwww. and now what am i, i guess im now just seen as a stupid cunt of a kid, im not that amazing best friend anymore or even friend idek. and thats why i didnt wanna just let go of the account because you felt like you were fading i was losing you and i was losing something valuable which is trust with the one person i trust the most the one person i care about the most, yeah its just an account right but still just the action you were wanting to take after everything else you felt like you were fading away and i dont dont dont dont want to lose you okay i really dont i cant at all i cant.

i remember how the past few months how you really started to make my life so much better always making me happy always when im down i could actually smile knowing you were there and could almost instantly feel happy just by your existance. it doesnt matter if we just play a dumb game or watch something literally just ebing able to be with you talk to you or anything does the world for me and makes any day an amazing day. i woke up every morning happy and you just being there and i could have an amazing day and youd be there as i go to sleep like, you really made me beyond happy, i actually felt happiness in my life i felt what it was like to have someone who actually cared about me because of me not for being used or anything you genuinely cared about me and thats why i want to help you badly too, you did so much for me so when you suffer with your stuff i want to do nothing more than to help you and make your life the best it can be just like you did for me, you dont deserve all the sufferings you deal with you deserve an amazing happy life and i want to at least try to help you have that.

you dont deserve how im acting lately and i really dont want to and i really cant control it i do want it to stop i want to be happy again i want to always be able to enjoy each others company again,  i want everything to be how it used to be
i want everything back just everything i want to be close and happy and just everything again, i cant stand being distant and apart i cant lose the most important person in my life, you probably see me as some stupid ass retarded cunt of a kid but im not.. you know who i am youve seen for a year now who i am and how much i really do care about you and well everything ive said here, thats me, im not that shitty kid who loves to argue, im that guy who really really cares about you and wants to help and wants to have fun together and happy together just everything im sounding repetive af now but i just need to vent and write something long. im truly sorry okay, its not enough, it wont ever be, just, i want everything back, i miss you..