new identitiyt

you know and when you have that mindset
it doesn't matter the game that you use
so yeah get game yeah get your
techniques yeah get your rules but your
game rules and techniques only support
your mindset up while so just real quick
like I said in the book you know if a
woman comes up to you and asks me to buy
her a drink actually I didn't say but if
a woman comer to comes up to you and ask
you to buy ask you to buy her a drink
either you're gonna see her as trying to
a take advantage of you and you're gonna
respond with a series of techniques or B
you see this as a good thing and you're
gonna respond with a series of
techniques you know and your mindset is
very important in determining your you
know where you know how you interpret
and see certain situations and that's
why I'm not focused so much on solutions
I'm focused on mindset because this was
because norther have a solution tells me
how you're seeing something if that
woman if you get that woman on say hey
buy me your drink
and if you think she's taking advantage
of you then you're gonna want a solution
from me or what I should do about or
what I think you should do about it you
know if you see that woman asking you to
buy her a drink as a good thing then
you're gonna come to me and ask me for a
solution on which I think that you
should do you know so I'm not really
care about solution
I care about mindset not saying that
solution is on the point I do care but
I'm more interested in your mindset
I'm more interested in how you know
yourself because most of the answers are
coming from you most of the answers are
inside of you you know there was a guy
who met this woman at a coffee shop all
was in the library I can't remember and
they hit it off and he wanted to get her
phone they're going to ask her but he
thought that it was weird and unusual
that a man did that so he didn't do it
and he asked me how I think he should
handle that yeah but I said the answer
is inside of you what you should have
said it was hey you know what we hit it
off I really enjoyed our conversation
they would like to continue with but I
know it's weird and unusual to meet in a
coffee shop or bookstore wherever the
hell we were I know it's weird for
people to meet like that but
nevertheless I like the your phone
number when I asked you out the solution
was already there
his mindset was not letting him see






aaaaaa


[Music]
welcome to lesson six in step two which
is called upgrade your identity and
guess what this lesson is all about
upgrading your identity it's time you
have understood more about your own
psychology than most people will do in
their entire lives it's not an
overstatement this is amazing
now you understand your needs and why
you do what you're doing your driving
force and you understand why you might
self-sabotage or hold yourself back you
might get this sense of like wow my
safety police is just this voice that's
trying to keep me safe keep me certain
and and all these stories that I've been
telling myself about why I can't are not
true and the reality is there's just a
handful of things the real obstacles
that are stopping me the fear of
rejection this negative story about
myself and maybe some specific skills I
need to learn so maybe you're feeling
more hopeful in your life maybe things
are starting to open up for you and
they're going to do so even more after
these next couple of lessons because
we're gonna blast the doors open on
what's possible for you and then we're
gonna kick it into higher gear when we
start upgrading and helping you
transform your self-esteem so let's look
at upgrading your identity your identity
just to recap is how you see yourself
that's whether you see yourself as good
or bad attractive or not attractive
valuable or not valuable in a certain
situation likable or not likable all of
these distinctions are already
determined up here so you get into a
situation if you think I'm not that
valuable I'm not that interesting I'm
not that funny I'm not that intelligent
it's going to change what you do right
you're not going to share you're not
going to tell someone something that
you're interning about that's
interesting to you because you don't
think you're intelligent you're not
gonna make a joke because you don't
think you're funny you're not going to
share yourself because you don't think
you're that interesting you're not gonna
put your idea out there in a business
meeting because you don't think you're
that capable or that smart you know I'm
not experienced yet all these stories
that tell us that we can't write and
that's our identity your identity is
just a collection of stories it's crazy
and it controls what
we do or don't do that's the craziest
part we believe those stories and we say
well I would make a joke but I'm just
not funny yeah I would say something
right there but I'm just awkward and we
don't know it but we're hypnotizing
ourselves with our identity all the time
we're just recreating it everywhere we
go so we're gonna do a new situation
because check this out you could get on
a plane tomorrow and fly to a brand new
city in your country where you've never
met anyone there's just a million
strangers there and most likely you
would wear the same clothes you would
walk in the exact same way that you do
make the same kind of eye contact you do
eat the same kind of food that you do
and talk to people in the exact same way
that you do in your home city and if I
said hey let's get crazy why don't you
wear totally different clothes and talk
to people on a totally different way and
just start conversations with strangers
and approach groups of people and
approach people that you're attracted to
and ask them out because who cares
you're never gonna see them again and
guess what most people would say are you
crazy I can't do that and you say well
why can't you do that you know no one
here knows you yeah but that's just not
who I am and so we bring our identity
with us to every different situation and
if it's a shitty identity that's very
confining like a cage we just carry that
sucker with us that's what I did for
years I brought around my social anxiety
nice guy cage and brought it with me
into every new relationship could choke
and put it around me and instead I feel
true I feel trapped and then brought it
with me to social situations could choke
I guess I'm just gonna stand here in the
corner all right and we just bring it
everywhere we go so we need to uproot
this sucker and put something new in so
step one is uproot that sucker I want
you to do right now is identify there
come up with your old identity we need
to find out what it is what it was so
the way you're gonna do that is you're
gonna write a quick little paragraph
that's gonna say my old identity was I
used to think that I was what I used to
think I was boring I used to think I was
ugly I used to think I wasn't worthy of
love I used to think that I wasn't
capable of making money I used to think
that
couldn't handle what life brought me I
used to think that eventually someone
would leave me once they got to know me
these are the pieces of our identity I
used to think what did you use to think
about yourself and that language is very
intentional I'm you're not saying I am
boring
I am unlovable you're saying I used to
think I was blank now why am i using
that language well because it puts it in
the past I used to think I was and I
used to think I was so again it's making
it's helping you realize the truth which
is this is just something used to think
this is just a story about yourself this
is like your old story and it's written
you're ready to shed it you don't need
it anymore you might think that it's
giving you a sense of certainty and
safety and security and predictability
but it's strangling the life out of you
and it's time to let it go
so let's uproot that sucker right now
come up with your old story I used to
think what John it down start writing it
now you can you're gonna have this as a
homework assignment below so you can jot
it on paper right now or you can start
typing it somewhere on your computer and
you can paste it in below for your
homework assignment but for now just
start as you're thinking about it right
now start jotting notes it could just be
a bullet point list I used to think
bliss I used to think that I used to
think what what was it for you what did
you used to think was true about you I
used to think that I was unattractive I
used to think that I was boring I used
to think that I didn't have good stories
to tell I used to think I wasn't good at
telling stories I used to think that I
was too skinny I used to think that I
was not muscular enough I used to think
that I wasn't capable of making money in
the world I used to think that no one
would want to hire me for anything I
used to think that no one would buy any
of my programs or products or my books I
used to think that none of that stuff
would sell I used to think all kinds of
things so what did you use to think
about yourself I hope you're writing
right now as I'm talking and if you want
to pause me and write more go ahead
you'll have more time after this video
to to do the exercise but I'd like you
to really dig some of this stuff out
right now as you're watching ok good
pause me if you need more time
move forward now so I used to think and
I got your old identity okay so we got
that sucker now let's shift this up so
I'd like you to do is actually stand up
for a second if you're sitting down and
if you're driving shame on you you
should be paying attention on the road
I don't know but you sit up in your car
seat but ideally you'd be able to
actually stand up in your body right now
and just kind of shake your body out and
take a few deep breaths in and let them
out okay good so now what we're gonna do
is we're gonna step out of that old
garbage and you know what could be a
pretty cool ritual if you want to do it
is actually take the time to write this
out on paper like literally by hand
old-fashioned way I used to think bla
bla bla bla bla I used to think bla bla
bla bla I used to think bla bla bla and
then get yourself a lighter go outside
and burn that sucker now it might seem
silly or dramatic or something like that
but powerful gestures like that make an
impression on your subconscious mind
burn that ol identity up let it go
that's a little bonus exercise if you
want to do that I think it will greatly
help you and then we want to install a
new identity now in the next video we're
gonna like really install it but from
this video we got to come up with what
is it what is my new identity and the
best way to come up with an identity is
to ask yourself this question all those
things that I want the the way that I
want to who I want to be in the world
what kind of identity would I need to be
able to do all those things to be that
person the person that I want to be the
best version of myself the most
confident version of myself the most
happy loving successful excited
passionate energetic vital who loved
appreciated powerful version of myself
bold authentic version of myself what
identity would he have or she have ask
yourself that question and see what
comes to your mind and for this one the
language is I am present tense I am
funny
I am warm I am intelligent I make strong
eye contact with anyone I say what I
think I share freely I'm wild I'm crazy
I'm expressive
I'm heartfelt I'm vulnerable I'm honest
I'm authentic I challenge people when
needed I say what needs to be said I'm
assertive I'm direct I'm capable I'm
rich I'm capable of earning incredible
money in the world I'm capable of
attracting incredible love into my life
I am lovable I am sexy I am beautiful I
am attractive I am handsome these are
just a few of the potential list of Iams
and I hope as you're listening to this
you're writing like crazy I am I am just
make a big list I am this I am that I am
this of everything you'd want to be
everything the identity you would need
to be the person that you want to be in
the world to be the best version of
yourself to get the results that you
want
what is that person's identity the one
who can get the results that you want in
your life good be writing that out right
now if you need to pause me in just a
second you can do that but I want you to
capture this during this video really
get into the energy of this awesome so
pause if you need to but I'm going to
assume that right now you've gotten your
new identity there's a list of things
and I'd like you to do now is pick four
of them and maybe there's 20 and if so
that's awesome but pick four and then
your action step is to recite those four
daily
multiple times a day if you can so let's
say you picked I am intelligent I am
funny I am an amazing storyteller and
people love being around me
now that's a little different than I am
but just to show you could mix up the
language a little bit too so I'm funny
I'm intelligent I'm an amazing
storyteller and people love being around
me and so those are the first four and
look you don't the pick the best four
just the ones that when you read them
the most you're most excited you're like
yeah I want that it's like choosing from
a menu right so those are the four so
what you're going to do is multiple
times a day maybe even right when you
first wake up you know the first
thoughts we have this is a whole
interesting side study we could go down
but the first thoughts that you have
getting control of your mind right when
you wake up is a very powerful
discipline to develop because otherwise
our mind just wakes up and goes I didn't
get enough sleep stupid problems in my
life I got to solve as we stumble to the
bathroom and it sets us off in like a
very negative course for the day but if
we take charge when you first wake up
its powerful maybe later in this program
I'll share what my exact framework is
for what I do when I first wake up the
very first thoughts that I consciously
direct my mind to but you for the sake
of this exercise might wake up and say
I'm funny I am intelligent I people love
being around me and I'm a great
storyteller yeah and then later on in
the day you say it again I'm funny I'm
intelligent just say it multiple times
throughout the day start to proclaim
this identity start to in you know bring
it into yourself internalize it and if
as you say it there's a part of your
mind that's like no you're not funny
because remember that time when you were
talking those people and you didn't have
anything funny to say you're obviously
not funny that's just your critic don't
worry
in step 3 which is about massively
transforming your self-esteem we're
going to teach you the most powerful
tools in the world to neutralize that
critic so it stops attacking you stops
bringing out your identity stops telling
you can't do things stops sucking the
joy out of your life so you're in the
right place to eliminate that but for
now just ignore it just keep installing
that new identity saying those new
phrases I am and guess what post those
for suckers below in the comments I am
blank I am blank I am just own it post
it below help us see you and help
yourself own it more by putting it out
there with us awesome so that's your
action step for today make sure you've
done the old identity and the new
identity exercise fully before you get
your four okay so if you need to go back
and watch parts of this video or go
through it again do so now and I'll see
you inside of the next lesson
[Music]



aaaa


[Music]
welcome to lesson 7
now we're gonna be helping you install
your new identity so you came up with
that new identity in the last lesson and
who knows what your experience could
have been it ranges when I've done this
with people it could be you could feel
excited you could feel empowered you
could feel like wow way more is possible
for me then I would used to be telling
myself for years and that brings a sense
of possibility and hope and you also
might have a different experience or you
kind of feel like yeah I got I want to
believe that but I just don't buy it I
mean I know it's not true and that's
where we'll be really interesting to
slow down and examine some of that
thinking some of those beliefs because
how do we know that that all day
identity that the old ones true and the
new ones not how do you know so for
example let's say you picked I'm you
know I'm highly engaging or very
interesting so people are fascinated by
me and your minds like no they're not
come on you're boring you're ordinary
and boring no one finds you interesting
so and that one unfortunately feels more
true it's just an example I mean it
could be anything maybe told yourself
I'm a handsome man or I'm beautiful and
sexy and then your minds like come on no
you're not not with those arms fatty you
know not not with not with that bald
head Baldy
right and whatever insert your criticism
of choice and it takes us down a peg in
really well I guess I am NOT sexy
because my arms are bigger than I think
they should be and I guess I'm not an
attractive man because I don't have
enough hair on my head all right and we
just buy into it but why because
somewhere along the way you learned that
that story was true that's it there's no
inherent truth to it you just learned
that it was true and a fascinating
question for me to ask yourself
when did I decide that was true when did
I decide that was true so the example if
you're bald for example it would be like
when did I decide that was unattractive
there's a moment you'll find it if you
dig maybe you'll come to you in a dream
or remember where you look cuz there was
a time in your life where you didn't
know that when you were 6 or 7 years old
you might not have any thought about
that maybe her dad was well maybe your
uncle was bald and you didn't think like
oh god they're so hideous no one's ever
gonna love that maybe your daddy or
uncle was married and you had no thought
about that but all of a sudden it got
locked into your mind you heard it
somewhere you're in high school you
heard someone making fun of someone or
you got older and something and you may
or may not identify the exact trigger
but guess what you learned it somewhere
and so we get a story
bald is unattractive arms that look like
this are unattractive
I'm boring or I'm not interesting
because because so-and-so said that one
time because I've told stories and
people don't seem that interested and
then we get we lock that that's true we
lock it in our mind and so what we need
to do is we need to just upgrade that
and here's how that's gonna work overall
first the most powerful way to upgrade
our identity is to behave in new ways to
behave in new ways and that's exactly
what you're going to be doing over this
entire confidence foundation and then
especially when you get into the
specialty tracks so over the course of
this your time and confidence University
you are going to be doing exactly that
and it's going to be not just an upgrade
to your identity but a transformation of
your identity because if you behave
differently like if you're like I'm the
shy awkward person who doesn't approach
people and then you went and approached
people and did that consistently again
and again and again and again and again
and again and again and again and again
and then again and again and again and
again it would be pretty hard to hold on
to that old identity one day you'd kind
of be like no it's obviously not me look
what I do
alright so behavior transforms your
identity and we're going to help you get
into that behavior and master the skills
that you need to that's what we're doing
is we're removing all the garbage that
just stops you from taking the actions
that you want because if you take the
actions that you want and get feedback
and
learn and then take it again and get
feedback and learn and do it again and
do it again and do it again and do it
again and you're at level five and
you're doing whatever it takes then your
success is inevitable and confidence is
an endless building byproduct of all
your action so what we need to do is we
need to continuously do new behaviors
and that's what you can be doing over
the course of this program that's a
longer term strategy though because you
can do it once or maybe you at this
point you might not even feel like you
can get yourself to do something but
even if you did and you did it once our
mind makes an excuse well that was an
exception well they just responded well
because they felt sorry for you well you
know it has some some reason as to why
you can't change your identity yet but
if you do it 50 times your identity
changes so that's one powerful way the
second thing which is we're gonna get
into in the next step of this program is
to neutralize that inner critic because
that inner critic is the one in there
that's saying no you're not funny no
you're not attractive and that's just a
voice in your head do you
realize that it's insane I didn't get
this for so many years and all of a
sudden one day I'd studied enough and I
was like that's just a voice in my head
that's not real that's not reality and
it was like this moment where it might
seem obvious to you or maybe not but
it's pretty profound when you get it and
you're going to get that by going to the
next step in this program so combining
new behavior with neutralizing your
critic your identity will be totally
different now that's a multi-step
process we'll be getting to that over
the next weeks and months to come but
let's do something now because there are
things that we can do now to get that
process going to kickstart things and
what we need to do is we need to like
get some momentum in that new direction
help push that new identity in so then
you can start to build on that so here's
how we're gonna do that first we're
gonna help you see it and really
visualize what it's like then we're
gonna get that sucker into your body and
then we're going to do something really
powerful that I've found over the last
this is just recently I mean last six
months have found that this bypass is a
lot of the defenses and lets us really
just take it in so strap on your seat
belt we're about to go for
right here's what I'd like you to do
close off all distractions you're not
gonna need to be using your computer for
anything other than watching this if
you're driving pull over because you're
gonna want to go through this fully you
ready go ahead and close your eyes now
take a full deep breath in and let it
out good one more full deep breath in
and let that one out - there's a letting
go feeling your body as you sit here
noticing what's happening in your jaw
and the area around your eyes and just
relaxing and letting go for just a
moment around your eyes around your jaw
maybe your next exhale could just be a
sigh just really relaxing into your body
in this moment good now I'd like you to
do is imagine that you were moving
because you're in your room right now
your eyes are closed though but
imagining you're gonna stand up in the
room that you're in and you're gonna
walk towards the door to this room
whatever it is could be your bedroom it
could be an office room and walk towards
that door but you're not gonna open it
yet but in a moment you are and when
you're going to open that door that door
is a threshold and you're not gonna step
through it yeah they're just gonna open
it and when you open it you're going to
see something magnificent something that
delights and surprises you are you ready
so in just a moment reaching now for the
handle imagining you're about to open
that door and when you have your hand on
the handle or slowly turn it and you're
gonna slowly open that door and as you
do you're gonna see your self the new
version of you that new identity and
it's almost like you're watching that
person in action so you're opening the
door of your bed
your office but on the other side is
like whoa there's that person in action
there's that person at a party there's
that person at a boardroom meeting
there's that person giving a public
speech or a presentation or sales
conversation there's that person out on
a date there's that person at a bar
there's that person walking on the
street and connecting with people and
friends and just watching all those
different areas unfold as you stand
there on the threshold on that doorway
watching what that person says and what
they do and how they operate how they
act and seeing what are they wearing
noticing the details what kind of
hairstyle do they have what kind of
expression do they have on their face
how do they respond to people how do
they look at people how do they initiate
conversations or interactions with
others how do they operate in the world
watching studying observing seeing this
amazing person move through the world
and this person is you the fully
upgraded version of your identity the
freest boldest most alive most loved the
most loving confident authentic version
of you I'm just seeing what's that what
that's like good now imagine that that
confident loving powerful authentic
version of you stops whatever they're
doing and turns towards you and starts
walking right towards you and comes
right up to that threshold right up to
that door and now you're face to face
with this amazing version of you and
just imagine it was gonna say something
he's gonna give you some advice what
would it say to you well this person in
part upon you what do they want to share
and just listen see what they say cuz
there's probably some wisdom there good
now that person's gonna go back to doing
whatever they're doing and you're
standing here right on the doorway and
this is a threshold this is a moment and
you have a choice in this moment you can
choose to close that door go back into
the house of the apartment and settle
back into the old identity or you can
choose right now to step right through
that threshold right through that
doorway taking the risk stepping into
the version that you're meant to be and
joining in so now there's no you
watching in them it's just all you baby
and now from your own perspective I like
out of your own eyes as if it's
happening real-time 3d right in front of
you in bright vivid colors you're seeing
yourself interacting with those people
you're seeing yourself crack on the joke
and people smiling you're seeing
yourself being bold and direct and
assertive and saying what needs to be
said you're seeing yourself being the
most confident powerful version of you
right now as its unfolding as it's
happening before your eyes feeling what
it feels like to be in that person's
body in your own body feeling the energy
and the power of standing fully upright
owning the space knowing this is who I
am and this is what I deserve this is
what I am here to do this is what I want
to say this is what I think this is what
I feel and I have a right to be here
feeling that power coursing in your body
as you watch and see what you do as this
new identity and let it unfold let the
future unfold what is this new identity
what is you as this fully expressed
person do let all the things come here
maybe it's stuff that happens next week
next month next year five years 10 years
50 years it doesn't matter time is
irrelevant let yourself see all the
things that are possible for you all the
things that you're capable of in your
future as this version of you and as you
do this as you sit in the chair just
smile and nod and say yes awesome
good now as you're still watching and
seeing what unfolds just noticing the
qualities of this person and saying them
out loud now as I am and what is this
person doing if you're watching yourself
being bold and speaking up you just say
I am bold I speak up if you see yourself
approaching someone say I approach
people at will I start conversations
with whoever I want all the things it's
almost like you're just narrating what
you're seeing in your mind's eye I speak
up for myself I dress well I am totally
capable of earning whatever I want I'm
able to buy cool things for myself for
my family I'm able to contribute to the
causes that I believe in I'm able to go
earn money doing something I love with
my own business what is it narrating
saying these things out loud reinforcing
and strengthening that yes good good I'm
just enjoying it for just another moment
taking it all in any last things that
you'd like to see good and then taking a
full deep breath in keeping your eyes
closed for just one more moment and
letting it out one more full deep breath
in this time wiggling your fingers and
your toes bringing your full attention
back to your body in this moment taking
everything with you that you learn
bringing it into you trusting and
knowing that it's already there you're
just seeing what's already there was
already inside you all of this is coming
from within you and through you taking a
full breath and opening your eyes right
now and then stand up if you're not
already standing up and shake your body
out and why we have this momentum but I
want you to do is we're going to
reinforce some of those core IMS we're
gonna get it into our body so pick your
top four now maybe this is where you
came up with in your last lesson but
maybe some new stuff came to you during
this visualization so right now we might
take a moment to just jot them down or
think of what they are what are the core
for I am that you want to ingrain now
now of course you could always add more
later but right now what are the first
four that come to your mind I am what
just a shout out the first one right now
as you watch this video I am good what's
the next one I
just let it come just say don't
overthink don't overanalyze you don't
have to do this right just let go the
certainty of needing to do it right and
just trust in the process just trust in
your gut just say whatever comes to your
mind I am awesome and the last one is I
am great so maybe you got I am
charismatic I am powerful I am funny I
am rich all right let's say you want to
internalize those things so whatever
they are for you we're gonna internalize
those suckers and the way that we do
that is through massive repetition and
energy so in fact right over here I got
this one I give this to people that are
my mastermind program I drink out of
this one every day it says I am bold
I am relentless I am determined I am
unstoppable so if you want to do those
those are powerful and - I am bold
I am relentless I am determined I am
unstoppable but whatever your four are
right and then what you want to do is
you want to start saying them with more
energy and intensity and power and we're
gonna be talking a lot more about how to
raise your energy which makes you feel
better
improves your emotional state improves
your confidence gives you social power
and attract people to you like crazy
so we're gonna get into energy in a
later lesson but for now we're just
gonna do it so you're gonna say the
phrase is with more power and intensity
probably than you ever have before now
if you're watching this and there's
other people in your house or you have
roommates or you have a spouse or
something like that
it just go for it man because are
you gonna let their perception of you
stop you from being who you want to be
is that it was that in your vision was
that in your identity probably not but
if you feel extremely restricted and you
just couldn't do it then just do it
Churchmouse style so whisper really loud
but have lots of intensity okay and I'm
gonna assume you can do full volume
because that's how it's gonna really
most have the biggest impact you ready
so I'm just gonna do the ones from the
water bottle because I love those that's
why they're on a water bottle ready so
say I am and then your thing so it
looked like this I am bold
I am relentless I am determined I am
unstoppable so go ahead and say your for
now I am I am I am
I am okay now what we're gonna do here
to keep momentum and flow so I'm
recreating an experiences if you and I
are in person together what we're gonna
do is we're both gonna say it together
and you're not even going to fully hear
me because you're gonna be saying it so
loud your own experience I'm just here
to demonstrate and give moral support
and to demonstrate how fully and
powerfully I want you to use your body
and your voice as you do this so you're
not gonna be like I am bold
I am relentless I am determined like
that's so restricted you want to break
free of that because the more free you
can be in this moment the more free you
can be out in your life and your dating
life and your social life and your
business life and everywhere else trust
me we're building the muscle right now
of your expressiveness we're gonna
enhance your life in so many ways you
can't even imagine so
I'm gonna play full out with me right
now if so say yes out loud beautiful so
on the count of three you're just going
to start going through your list you get
to the end repeat it again you get to
the end repeat it again and you might
not be able to hear so well because
you're gonna be shouting them out so
when you see my hand go like this that
means stop and bring it in okay ready on
the count of three one two three go I'm
gonna do it with you I am bold I am
determined I am relentless I am
unstoppable I am bold I am determined I
am relentless I am unstoppable I am bald
I am determined I am relentless I am
unstoppable I am bold I am determined I
am relentless I am unstoppable I am bold
I am determined I am relentless I am
unstoppable I am bold I am determined I
am relentless I am unstoppable good
welcome back breathe notice how you feel
in your body if you plead full out and
then exercise you're gonna feel energy
and power coursing through you more
importantly how do you feel about those
four phrases that you've been saying
after that visualization after entering
it into your body and getting into your
nervous system do you feel like those
are more true you feel like there's more
possibility to live that way even if
you're scared even if you're uncertain
in the moment can you find the courage
in yourself to show up and be bold
or show up and be powerful or take the
risk to make the joke or do the effort
and the work in your life to become rich
absolutely yes
and now we're gonna do something else
and this is something I never used to do
again this is just coming like the last
six months as I've been seeing it work
in my own life and more and more with
clients I've tested it out with probably
a couple dozen clients at this point and
I'm really excited to share with you its
cutting edge and it's gonna help bypass
this because while you may be in a state
of feeling really empowered
there's also can kick up a lot of critic
you know like soil sediment from the
bottom of a pond and it's like no you're
not that stop this secondary game let's
stay in our uncomfortable certainty
state safety police so we're gonna do is
we're gonna bypass all of that and this
helps bypass any sense of fear of being
arrogant or oh I'm talking myself up too
much that's gonna make me egotistical
we're gonna shift all that here's how
you're gonna do it you're going to give
thanks for your new identity
you're gonna activate a sense of
gratitude for this new identity so
here's how you're gonna do that I'd like
you to do is go through the list of
those four so maybe you had the example
I was giving you know bold relentless
determined unstoppable
or maybe it's charismatic powerful funny
rich or the ones that gave earlier so
you're gonna say thank you for my
boldness
thank you for my relentless
determination
thank you for my humor thank you for my
wealth
thank you for my ability to express
myself
thank you for my ability to tell stories
and you're gonna make a list and just
say thanks for all these qualities that
you have so if you want to get into the
momentum of it you can say thank you for
a few things that you're already
thankful for that are already happening
like thank you for my health
thank you for clean water to drink thank
you for electricity
thank you for warmth in this house study
man thank you that I had a house thank
you that I have clean water that comes
out of my pipes where's so many people
in the world don't even have that and
are actually dying because they don't
have access to that
thank you thank you for the food that's
in my fridge so you get into a momentum
with that and then start saying what
you're grateful for right now about your
new identity thank you for and then just
go ahead and do that right now say it
out loud
thank you for what thank you for my
humor thank you for my strength
thank you for my ability to express
myself thank you for my ability to make
amazing sales whatever it is that you
want whatever is in your identity so go
ahead and do that now thank you for
thank you for and just go on a little
mini rant just talk over me right now
start saying thank you for all the
different things in fact you can even
close your eyes and put both your hands
on your heart right now if you like and
just breathe and feel and just keep
repeating the aspects of your identity
thank you for my boldness
thank you for my courage thank you for
my expressiveness thank you saying that
now keep saying thank you for all the
different aspects of your identity good
and breathe into your chest fully as you
do it actually let yourself feel a sense
of gratitude for having these abilities
for being this kind of person for being
the person that you want to be in the
world awesome good opening your eyes of
you they're not already open and just
taking a moment shaking your body out
whoa thanks for going down that journey
with me down that rabbit hole if if this
is exciting and interesting to you you
definitely have to come to one of my
live events because imagine doing this
but for three days and surrounded by
other people who are doing it too it's
pretty magical experience I'd love to
invite you and as a member of confidence
University you'll be able to come for
discounts and other things that we offer
specials promos because I know that if
you combine this with a live event
that's that's the magic sauce but in any
case what do you feel what do you notice
what are you experiencing oh you found
it shifted in yourself as you've done
this and if you want to come back and go
through this again I mean like let a
later date or even right now you want to
install things further you absolutely
this is a resource you can always
back to to keep strengthening your
identity to keep installing that new
identity because the more you do that
and the more things that come to you in
that visualization and the more power
you can activate in your body as you say
it and the more gratitude you can feel
for it
the faster you can get into those new
behaviors which are really going to
transform your identity in the long run
so thank you for being with me today
thank you for playing full-out I know it
was a long session and a long lesson and
we got one more in this step which is
all about stepping up baby because we've
done a lot of inner work it's time to
get out into the world and put some of
the stuff into practice and really
transform really upgrade this identity
so I'll see you inside of the next
lesson
[Music]


aaaa


[Music]
welcome to lesson one of this third step
in the ultimate confidence foundation
this is all about unlimited self-esteem
and his first video is about the self
esteem success connection basically
self-esteem
equals success I'm a equals confidence
too but it's basically your doorway to
everything self esteem is I believe the
most important skill and yes it's a
skill that you can learn that's gonna
absolutely transform what's possible for
your life which you can bring to your
life which you can receive from life in
every area that matters whether it's
love wealth interest connection
affection everything that you want is
determined by your self esteem and we
don't see it that way we think like I
got to go out there and get something
and make it happen you know I got to get
the pickup line to get the girl or know
how to have just the right presentation
to get that guy interested in me and
we're so focused in the external world
same thing with money right like I have
no the right strategy and say this do
the right sales technique and do this
and do that and I'm gonna get money and
we think it's all external but actually
its exact opposite it's all internal and
our self-esteem determines everything
about our level of confidence and our
level of success and over the course of
this step in the ultimate confidence
foundation you're gonna transform your
self-esteem you're gonna change the way
that you see yourself change the way
that you treat yourself change the way
that you talk to yourself in your head
and ultimately change the way that you
feel towards yourself because at the end
of the day you know what self-esteem is
just a fancy word for love it's just a
fancy word for how much do you like or
love yourself and the sad truth is that
most of us are walking around and not
loving ourselves very much I mean not
even not loving ourselves that much
we're
like downright harshly rejecting of
ourselves either all the time and if
you're living in that place right now I
am so glad you're watching this because
I know I've spent so many years of my
life in that place where it's like every
time I walk by a mirror or even a
reflective piece of glass in a building
and I look and I see myself and I don't
like this I don't like my face I don't
like my acne I don't like this I don't
like my hair I don't like my posture
like this my shirt doesn't fit well my
muscles aren't big enough just
rapid-fire criticism maybe in a social
situation I don't like the way I said
that my voice doesn't sound good this
person that I was so awkward
of course they rejected me maybe it's
really intense like that or maybe it
just comes up once in a while for you
you know after you make a mistake after
you drop the ball or something doesn't
go your way and then it's like this
voracious beast comes out and the critic
attacks you and trust me we'll be
getting into the critic a lot no matter
where you are over the course of this
month together in this step your entire
self is teaming to transform and another
way of saying that is you're gonna go
from being able to love yourself this
much to love yourself this much I had
this little game with my son where it
would be like how big I love you I was
like I was like and we would play it's
like he's like you love me this much and
I'd be like what I love you this much
and then I would like stretch my arms
out as far as I could and he lo loved it
and so whenever you wanted to play that
game he'd come to me and be like I think
you love me this much I'd be like what I
love you this much and that you can't
see it my hands are off the screen
they're going really far away as far as
I can go that's what I want for you is
for you to love yourself that much and
that I'm literally stretching my arms
out but that can also feel like a
stretch because we spent so many years
of our lives not loving ourselves and
you're gonna learn exactly why you're
gonna learn about your inner critic and
where it comes from and how to
neutralize it how to identify your
strengths and feel proud of who you are
and everything you need to master your
self-esteem during this step of the
program this is going to be the most
valuable the most important step of the
program and here's why because
self-esteem equals success
and we might think it's bold action we
might think it's becoming rejection
proof which are both things that you're
going to do later in this foundation but
guess what
what makes this rejection proof what's
the antidote to rejection no it's not
some magic pill you can take or potion
you can swallow where you never get
rejected good luck right you don't have
control over the outcomes like that but
you take bold action and sometimes
you're gonna get a yes and sometimes
you're gonna get a no and when you do
get the know the way that you have an
antidote to rejection where rejection
doesn't make you sick it doesn't make
you hurt it doesn't make you fall apart
guess what that antidote is self esteem
another word of saying that is loving
yourself no matter what so I got
rejected
I still love myself and that's what
you're going to discover why rejection
is so painful enough in the first place
is because we stopped loving ourselves
and basically your self-esteem is
determines how much you can receive so
imagine that your self-esteem is a knob
and if it's ten it's very high that
means I like myself I love myself I like
qualities about myself when I have I
noticed I have flaws or shortcomings
that's okay I don't attack myself I work
on the things that I can and I accept
the things that are just permanent about
me that I'm not going to change
I like physical features or something
like that and I love and accept myself
as I am and I trust that I am worthy of
love right now as I am even though I'm
growing and even though I still can be
better in some way down the road all
right that's high that's a ten self
esteem and then from that place I'm able
to put myself out there I mean it'll
take action when it's a when it's one
it's the opposite of all that it's just
constant self-criticism self-hatred
seeing where I'm you know falling short
focusing on my flaws so imagine that
little nub you might even think right
now in this very moment
what's yours what's your self-esteem
interesting huh well there's another
knob and that is your success knob and
that's like ten is like boom everything
you've ever wanted coming your way love
connection relationships success
money freedom power time everything that
you want right and then one is the
opposite nothing you get nothing that
you want you get nothing now guess what
those two knobs the self-esteem knob and
success knob guess what they're the same
knob oh damn that was like a twist
ending in a movie yeah
they're the same knob so you turn
yourself a steam up you turn your
success up you turn yourself a steam
down you turn your success down that's
that's the exact way this works and here
here's why is because basically we
determine how much we can receive in
life let's take the example of love I
have a client who is amazing brilliant
intelligent highly accomplished in his
career he's a very successful lawyer
many people look up to him think he's
just incredible at what he does and he
is but he doesn't feel that way a lot of
the time he focuses on I didn't do
enough I didn't do enough for that
client I didn't I should win every
single case always no matter what every
time I go to trial I should win I should
do better I didn't do enough not
productive enough not earning enough not
enough not enough not enough that's his
story and so he gets home he's married
to a beautiful woman and and inside and
out just like I've talked to her I met
her she's just old loving and she loves
him so much and he gets home and she
just beams love at him right and you
could think of it like the way we
receive love is endure in our hearts
right and we have a valve that
determines how much gets in and that's
determined based upon what we think we
deserve what we think were worth what
we're going what I deserve to let in so
she is gushing like a firehose of love
at him and he's like nope just I don't
deserve that
here's I get a straw and not a
McDonald's straw I mean one of those
like shitty little stir your coffee
straws or you can't actually get
anything through it and this you suck
really really hard and it's just a tiny
bit of liquid that's what I got because
I don't deserve it because of this
because of that because I fail at this
and he squishes it down and only lets a
little drip in
and the rest just flows by so is he
successful I mean is he getting the love
that he wants no cuz his self-esteem
knob is down to a one or a two so he
gets in the love that he receives as a
one or a two not only that the pride of
a sense of healthy pride and
contribution he can feel from helping
people using his legal mind his
brilliant analytical ability to solve
problems to help people and feel proud
of that and feel like he's giving it
he's making an impact in his
contribution and career success that's
down to a one or two because even though
it's all his succes time II all this
he's really doing a lot of good work
that doesn't get in the hose right
Ramona little hose tiny lows it's all
that gets in and and that not only is
for like the sense of pride and
contribution in his career but that also
affects things like our income and how
much money we can make and the amount of
friendships that we can have and how
deeply we can let in the love of friends
and family and people around us in our
lives and on and on and on and on it is
the biggest determining factor of how
good we can feel and you might think no
no but but if I got something really
good if I really got there then I could
feel it and I'm here to tell you that's
not true I had a client who sold a
company
him and a partner they sold it for 70
million dollars and this isn't stock
options or whatever this is like he got
thirty five million dollars in his bank
account and he felt miserable because he
was focused on I'm no good he thought he
was just ugly
he thought he was awkward at talking to
people he thought it he was too stiff in
his body and what of course women are
gonna want to talk to me he felt so
uncomfortable I felt so bad about
himself on a daily basis and because
there's all this amazing opportunity
coming in his life and squishes it down
so that is how self-esteem impacts
everything and then when we're in that
place and our hoses really tidy not only
can we not feel what's coming our way
but we don't put ourselves out there we
don't really try like why am I gonna go
approach that person because they're not
gonna find me attractive anyway because
I'm
loser why am I gonna put myself out
there for that job because it's not
gonna work out anyway because they're
not gonna hire me cuz I'm not as good as
those other people do you see how much
it limits us and when you flip it turn
that dial all the way up your life just
gets exponentially better because when
you're like oh yeah of course people
want to be my friend then you go talk to
those people and guess what they want to
be your friend
oh of course people want to date me and
you go talk to those people and guess
what they want to date you so stuff
starts coming more and more rapidly and
you receive more externally but you also
feel it more and it's a win-win and it's
a beautiful thing and that's we're gonna
be doing together in this step so I'm
super excited to be with you on this
journey and no matter where you're
starting you can shift it no matter how
long you've been critical of yourself
you can shift it you're gonna learn
literally the world's most powerful
tools and these didn't just come from
books these didn't even come from just
my training in clinical psychology this
came from 15 years in the muck and by
muck I mean up here in my own head
working with the insanity of my own
inner critic and not only that but over
the last 10 years
having the opportunity to work with
thousands of people and see what's going
on with their critic and seeing okay
what actually works
not what a textbook says is gonna work
not with some research study says it's
gonna work but what actually works for
this human in front of me right now to
help him get out of a place of
self-hatred self-denial Steam acceptance
confidence and then ultimately success
in their life and that's what I'm really
sharing with you this stuff is amazing
and it can be extremely powerful so dig
in let's dive in watch the next video in
this lesson and see how you can find
your own personal balance sheet
[Music]
you



aaaa


[Music]
hey welcome to the second video in this
lesson this is where you're gonna come
up with your own personal balance sheet
around your self-esteem no we're not
gonna look at your finances although
that might be a trigger for you right I
mean maybe you feel like your
self-esteem is low because you don't
have enough money or you don't save
enough money or you don't spend money
wisely or you don't invest money or
you're you know I don't know about that
terminology or investing enough I'm
stupid I mean that's a whole trigger
area and there's these trigger areas
money sex our career competence our
social competence any one of those can
be a trigger that kills our self-esteem
and so what we want to do is we want to
look at our balance sheet now we're
gonna be getting into in the next
lessons is how to deal with your inner
critic that part inside you that's
always attacking you how to own your
strengths first how do we even be able
to identify your strengths and then how
to own them so it's not just like an
intellectual list but it's like you
really feel it and you're living it
every day and you enjoy it and you're
proud of who you are we're gonna get
into all that but there's something we
got to do first and I didn't discover
this until I started working with a lot
of people around this and what it was is
I can help someone start to identify
their strengths and own their strengths
and feel good like I got this going for
me I'm I'm fit I'm and I'm handsome on
this on that this is all going great my
career's going well but then I got all
this other stuff you know and and my
flaws my hideous flaws you know my
shortcomings the the things that are not
attractive not okay about me
and what happens is people would like
the the balance would be tipped because
even though I got all this good stuff
going on I got this bad stuff and now
I'm a net negative and that's how when
our self-esteem is low that dial is down
you know below the low number 0 1 2 3
we basically see ourselves as a negative
net negative we're like in the red
sitting there in the red or in the black
I don't know the terminology is but like
you have negative money right and it's
like we're like we see ourselves like
this black hole that's like sucking
energy like we're not worth it we're not
good we're bad and the reason is because
we perceive that we have this a list of
flaws that's what makes me and that's
what we'd point to you know I'm not
attractive or I'm not people what
someone won't want to date me someone
won't want to hire me someone wouldn't
want to pay me that amount of money why
not
well now insert my list of flaws or
shortcomings here I'm not smart enough
I'm not tall enough I get too nervous in
different kinds of social situations
I'm not disciplined enough I'm not
motivated enough I don't have enough
willpower and whatever it is right so
that's our list of flaws and what
happens is we then it sucks all of our
self-esteem
we just bleed it out and we're done we
hemorrhage it everywhere so first things
first before we build up the strings
because you could build the strengths
all day long but if you're just bleeding
it out as fast as you build it up you
can't sustain that so we need to do is
we need to patch this sucker up and
prevent it from all just dropping out so
they were gonna do that is we're going
to face those flaws head-on we're
actually gonna go into them together so
here's what I'd like you to do and
you're gonna do it right now at least
the first part of it during the video
and then we'll do a little bit more for
your action step you ready okay so get
yourself a fresh sheet of paper as
you're taking notes here or a little you
know scroll down a little bit in your
computer note file wherever you're
taking notes for these videos and you're
gonna have basically two columns you can
draw a line if you want and on the one
side is going to be strengths and the
one side is going to be weaknesses or
flaws whatever you want to call it
strengths and weaknesses another way of
thinking about this though and you can
even put those in parentheses but know
below strengths is what I like about
myself or what's good about me and the
other side is what I don't like about
about myself what's not good about me
and then fill it in so write down just
make a bullet point list I'm this on
that I'm strong I'm funny I'm a good
listener I'm intelligent I'm loving
whatever your list is and on the other
side well I'm not enough of that and I
don't do this and I don't follow through
on that and I'm overweight or whatever
your perception of your flaws is so go
ahead pause me now and fill that in and
then unpause okay I'll see you in just a
second
okay so what did you notice doing that
exercise there's a there's a lot of
things you can notice one is how long is
each list that's useful information do
you think with someone who's got high
self-esteem their strengths list is
longer or the weakness list is longer
probably their strengths probably
they've spent enough time like really
seeing and developing what's good about
them and owning it if it's the other way
around like I see three strengths and
thirty flaws it's not hard to tell that
your self-esteem is gonna be low right
so just notice at this point in the game
don't attack your oh maybe that's what
you're gonna happen if that's happening
that's okay just let it happen your
critics like ah look how shitty your
self-esteem is I dislike you for
disliking yourself we call that an
infinite loop in physics so whatever it
is just notice that those best as you
can without judgment of yourself
and then notice wasn't easy to come up
with the strengths or is it hard was it
easier to come up with the flaws are
those more accessible in your mind
that's useful information that's another
sign that you know we could probably
build our self-esteem and then let's
let's look at this now so the strength
side we're gonna get to that don't worry
we're gonna flush that sucker we're
gonna build that muscle like crazy but
we want to start with those want to look
at the weaknesses because this is where
we start to feel like we lose our
self-esteem rapidly so I'd like you to
do for each one is go through and notice
how specific it is and this is gonna be
getting into your action step so I'm
going to describe it and then you're
gonna do it okay so notice first how
specific it is and it is not specific
cross it out and write it again with
being more specific so here's an example
let's say you put I am unattractive or
I'm ugly and now if you just try to
challenge that and say no I'm not I'm
not ugly I am attractive your minds
gonna say you're ugly we all
know it stop lying to yourself so that's
a hard one to fight but it's also so
vague what does that mean I'm ugly no
like there's a reason and
anytime a client tells me that
unattractive I like to ask this party
favorite I say why what do you what
specifically do you tell yourself about
how you why you're not attractive and
then they will have various very
specific things well there's too much
fat on my arm here or my arms are big
enough or I'm too thin or I'm too fat or
I'm too short or my nose does this funny
thing or my voice is too nasal or I get
nervous in that situation or I'm weak
around those people or I can't stand up
to my boss or on and on and on right
physical stuff behaviors that you can or
can't do I can't stop you know myself
from doing X or smoking that or drinking
that I don't have control of myself
I need more self-control any more
discipline I need more follow-through I
don't have this I don't have that all
right and they have well that's way
beyond a physical attractiveness but
those are all the different specifics
that we can focus on but when it comes
to physical will point to a very
specific thing so you're gonna want to
write out those very specific things
that what they are for you and as you
remember earlier in one of the videos I
talked about how for me and the
unattractiveness was focused on my eyes
but there was other stuff too so if I
would have wrote down in the past
I'm unattractive then you said why what
specifically I would say well I have
dark circles under my eyes and I am NOT
muscular enough I should have lower like
less body fat and more muscles and my
legs are too skinny those are probably
the main things that I focused on when I
was younger so that is what you want to
write out you know I've dark circles
under my eyes I have too much body fat
and my legs are too skinny those are
mine find yours right and everyone's got
something that they pick on themselves
until we've created unlimited
self-esteem and then you stop picking on
yourself physically would that be
amazing would that be amazing you
experience that by the end of this step
I think you will it's pretty incredible
so
then each of the other areas you know I
don't have follow-through
okay specifically what in what area Wow
you know and so out for each one say
what specifically am i referring to here
if it's vague okay so it's the first
part of your action step don't do right
now you're gonna do in just a second
after this video make them specific and
then there's one more step for the
action step each next to each one that's
now specific right and you're in your
flaws category you're gonna put a letter
next to it and it's either gonna be a C
or a P are those the right way all right
CR P and C stands for changeable P
stands for permanent so if it's
changeable it's something you can change
so for example let's say one of your
things is you had I'm I'm too fat or I'm
overweight that's why I'm not that's why
I don't love myself that's why I'm not
attractive well even that's vague what
does that mean are you thirty pounds
overweight are you 50 pounds overweight
how do you even know however what you
are anyway
let's say you get something specific
like I'm 25 pounds more than I want to
be then you're gonna write either a C or
a P next to that is being 25 pounds
overweight is that something you could
change yes that's changeable now you
might have a story as to why it's not
possible because of this other flaw I
have or whatever but the truth is you
can heal all that and it's totally
changeable you can radically alter your
body in healthy ways so see changeable
now let's say your reason that you
weren't attractive is well I'm too short
and I have back hair okay well I'm too
short that's kind of vague but we'll
just leave that one you could specific
specify it up a little bit you know I'm
five six or whatever or five three or
five one and I should be five eight or
whatever you're think you should be and
that I put a P next to because dude
barring some sort of weird crazy surgery
you're not gonna get that much taller or
any taller so
P permanent and don't worry you're not
screwed because the problem is not with
that thing your height or your arms or
your weight whether it's something
that's see changeable or P permanent the
problem is with none of those the
problem is with the meaning that you
give those because the meaning that you
give it mean it means I'm bad I'm
unattractive I'm unlovable I'm unworthy
and we make it mean that were less than
as humans that's the problem not the
thing because here's the thing as long
as your rating things about yourself and
then determining that you're not worthy
as a human because of it guess what you
solve all of those problems all the
changeable ones and you still feel that
way because the problem isn't with your
weight the problem is with how you see
yourself and how you treat yourself and
the voice in your head that you listen
to your inner critic which is we're
gonna get into in the next couple of
lessons because it's so powerful and so
essential for you to understand this
part of your mind and transform it and
transform your relationship with
yourself so you can have way more
self-esteem and way more confidence and
if you don't get that handled you never
will no matter what you achieve no
matter how much money you earn nothing
so we need to shift this so I put a P
next to my height and in the back here
I guess it's changeable put a C next to
that now you might not have to write
because if you love and accept yourself
then the you'll realize that the back
hair is not an impediment to having love
having success having freedom having
anything that you want in your life all
it is is a random thing that our
critical ash is on to and says that's
not good oh you suck and we're like oh
should I believe you okay critic I guess
I'm no good and then we and then we
affect and then we don't let me close
down our hose and we don't let love in
we don't let success in and that's the
how the whole process works so go
through your flaws list make sure every
single one is specific and put a C or a
P next to it
and this is going to help you or setting
you ups to learn about how to deal with
your own inner critic and we're also
going to do some of the stuff with those
Peas
that feel permanent we're gonna talk
about how to fully let go and really
deeply unconditionally love and accept
yourself and it's gonna be profound just
imagine what it would be like to like
and love yourself as you are right now
without having to change everything and
the beautiful paradox of this is that
when you do that then you activate so
much more power to affect change on the
things that you can like your weight or
the other aspects of your life that you
want to change you know your discipline
your willpower all these things that we
do have control over you get that
control by building your self-esteem
it's a beautiful kind of
counterintuitive way of doing all this
stuff so I can't wait to share all this
with you go ahead and do your action
step now and I can't wait to see you in
the next lesson
[Music]