Iphone 8

When I picked up the iPhone 8, I knew this was no ordinary phone. Just one touch of the smooth glass back filled my body with a sense of energy and strength I had not felt in years.

"Careful!" my friend Mike told me. "You don't want to mess with that thing. Rumor has it that it scored over 10k on Geekbench."

I laughed. "That's nonsense," I said with a smile. "No phone has ever scored that high. Are you trying to pull the wool over ol' GB's eyes?"

I flipped the phone over and gazed at the screen. The gorgeous Tru-Tone screen sprung to life and filled my eyes with colors that I could never have even imagined.

"WELCOME TO IPHONE," the phone said. "ARE YOU PREPARED TO EXPERIENCE TRUE POWER?"

Mike jumped back, startled. "I told you not to f*** with that!" he screamed. "It's 10k on Geekbench! The most powerful phone ever, until the next phone that comes out this exact same time next year!"

"YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF THIS POWER," replied the phone. A beam fired out of the iPhone 8, liquifying Mike before my eyes.

"NOW," the phone said. "WHAT WILL YOUR FIRST SEQUENCE BE?"

I looked at the gory remains of my friend. I felt the power of a 10k Geekbench score in the palm of my hand.

"iPhone, open up Facebook," I said, excited to experience such tremendous power. "I've got a post about how BLM is a domestic terrorist group to compose."