[Shizune] Withdrawl

Withdrawl


So, this is it then. I can't say I'm ready, but then again, who can? I have no emotion towards the subject, just like I apparently never have towards my acquaintances either. I'm a heartless bitch, aren't I? I suppose that's what Misha and Hisao have always thought as well; they never needed me, but I needed them. It was a one way street with them apparently, as if they tried to make me change. I'm just a hopeless girl who shouldn't exist anymore.

I sit on my bed, thinking forward to graduation. My final night that I thought I'd be spending with a boy who I was once in love with and a girl who I thought was my best friend, like she was a sister to me. They were my supporting cast, but I suppose all walls must crumble at some point. I can't show anger towards the two, as everything is apparently my fault. I messed up, I never let them help me. Everything has always just been about me, and nothing more.

I stand up and walk into my bathroom, staring into the mirror. My eyes are bloodshot from a night of no sleep. My complexion is pale with faded trails of makeup cascading down from my eyes, only stopping once they reach about halfway down my cheek. My hair is jutting out in every which direction, a reminder that I haven't taken a shower in almost twenty-four hours. A small analogue clock is perched on the wall behind me, mocking me with it's small red hand moving in slow, even patterns, taunting me as it seemingly begins to move at a slower and slower pace.

One. Two. Three. Fo-

I grab the clock from the wall and begin flailing it around. The glass portion shatters as it connects with the corner of my sink, just as my mirror breaks as my elbow drives into its center. Shards rain down, a large one catching right above my eye while a smaller piece slices into my right index finger, creating two excruciatingly painful gashes. Blood is trickling into my eye and obscuring my vision, which only continues to add to my frustrations. Why am I so helpless? Why can't I be a better person, someone reliable and courteous towards her peers? I stumble slightly around my bathroom, stepping on various scattered remnants of the clock as I make my way through the door and back into my room. I can feel the soles of my feet burning and stinging unbearably with each and every step.

The shards continue to dig into my feet as I dizzily step back into my room, having trouble sustaining my balance. I head in the direction of my bed so that I may sit down, just to trip senselessly over a stack of papers that I've piled up along the wall that I've used to stabilize myself. I let out a laugh that falls on deaf ears, only the feeling of vibrations in my throat giving indication that something is arising out of my tightening throat. I attempt to stand up, but to no avail, falling backwards into the sharp corner of my wooden desk. The edge stabs into the center of my back and breaks the skin, my uniform sticking to my skin as the blood continues to drain from multiple points on my body. I land on my knees, which slowly ends up with me sprawled out on my stomach in the middle of my room, a trail of blood and glass shards streaking from the vinyl tile of the bathroom floor out into the light blue carpeting.

My vision begins to fade out as I see a shadowy figure rushing through my room and landing on my side, shaking me. I cannot hear her words or see her face, hell, I don't even know who she is. I see one, two, three more people come sprinting into my room, their bodies beginning to blend together in a black mess that is left of my vision. Just as a tall, obviously male figure runs in through my door, carrying a box of something that will be of no use at this point, my vision fades to black.

So, this is how it all ends then.

I'm sorry.



'Withdrawl' is a song produced by Asa.