Anonpencil Writes Drunk: Twilight's Holiday Spectacular

~*~

"Anon!" Twilight barks at you. "I require your assistance!"
>Upon hearing these fated words, you resist the urge to get up from where you're sitting and reading, and run shrieking from the castle. Twilight needing your help is never a good thing, and as much as you're enjoying reading about Daring Doo getting banged by a timber wolf in this "fan novel" Rainbow Dash got you, your exploration of puns involving wood "knots" can wait. But you remind yourself, barely, that Twilight has been pretty cool lately. She locked Spike outside until he finally left, the little twerp, and she even made dinner last night. From what you can tell, she didn't put any strange chemicals in it in order to experiment on you. Well, at least you haven't noticed any side effects yet.
>Maybe, just this once, you should give her a chance. You heave a very heavy sigh, shut the book, and look up at her.
"Okay, I'll bite," you say. "What do you need."
"I'm doing something special for Hearth's Warming this year," she says, straightening up a little. "Something for the kids, you know. So they'll like me again."
"You mean so their parents will trust you enough to allow them to come over so you can inject them with different magical substances again? After you turned that kid into sentient pond slime that one time..."
>She waves you off with one flippant hoof and a glare.
"That's besides the point," she grumbles. "I'm a princess now, and the Hearth's Warming play has gotten... stale. I want to do something new and fun. A show. A special performance to get the children excited about the holidays again."
"Pretty sure that's what the gifts are for."
>Her glare deepens.
"Look, will you help me or not?" she growls. "I just need help setting things up and maybe getting the foals into their seats. Can you just do that?"
>Again, you give a weighty sigh.
"Fine, fine," you say with a shake of your head. "Just promise me that I won't have to, like, kidnap any ponies or sacrifice anyone to any elder gods or anything."
>She wrinkles her nose.
"Good god, no, who would do such a thing."
>You shrug and get up from your chair.
"I dunno, it just sounded like something you would do."
>She considers this for a moment, then echoes your shrug with one of her own.
"Well, okay, that's fair, but that was old Twilight." She again puffs up her chest and smiles at you. "This is new Twilight, and new Twilight just wants what's best for everyone, and that starts with making this a special holiday for the children of Ponyville."
>She pauses briefly, and glances away from you, almost shyly.
"I... am glad you're willing to give me a chance on this. It'll be a world of help."
>For everything Twilight's done for, and to, you in the last few years, you can't help but feel a kind of sneaking affection for the little mare. She's crazy, there's no doubt, but you get the feeling that, as you look into her eyes, she's really trying this time. She really does want to help Ponyville. With a smile, you gently set your hand down on top of her head, and muss her mane a little, like she's your younger sister.
"Hey, that's what the holidays are for, right?" you say warmly. "I'm happy to give the gift of forgiveness and second chances."
"You're still getting me a Hearth's Warming present."
>Damn it. You thought you had her there.

~*~

>You adjust the rigging one more time, to be sure it's safe, before you at last stand back to enjoy your work. The stage is fairly small, but it's well set up. The lights are numerous and at the ready for Twilight's magic, and the set is covered with holly, pine branches, fake snow, and empty boxes wrapped like presents. Twilight has made sure that the whole production is beautiful looking, and even the stage itself has a massive bow on the top, like it's a gift. In a way, you suppose it really is.
"All set?" Twilight says as she approaches you.
"Yeah, and the stands are already filling with foals. I don't see any of their parents coming over to hang out and see the show though."
>You glance out over the sea of tiny smiling faces, looking for any adults, but Twilight just gives a little laugh in response.
"Are you kidding? They have a place to drop off their squealing brats for a half hour, and finally have some peace and quiet, and you're surprised that they didn't want to stick around?"
"Twilight, that's not very festive of you to say."
>She groans and massages one of her temples with her hoof.
"You're right, you're right, sorry," she takes a few deep breaths. "New Twilight time. It's my chance to really make a difference here."
>She straightens up and looks over the stage, then gives a nod of approval. You too know the routine that is about to take place. You'll go welcome the kids and sing a little "Silver Bells" with a few of the words replaced to make it more... pony-like. They'll laugh at you, because you can't sing, but you're used to people laughing at you whenever you put effort or care into anything, so what else is new? Then Twilight will introduce the show, a screen will come down, and you'll start the projector. There will be a light show, a cool holiday video Twilight made, and then at the end you'll both get up on stage and bow. She was very determined to make you get on stage with her in the end to take credit. To be honest, it's kind of sweet of her.
"You ready?" she asks.
"Yep," you say with a slowly-growing festive smile. "I've got this."
>Your rendition of "Silver Bells" goes off about as you expected, with the children screaming out their whinnies and neighs of delight at your off-key tune. One of them even throws some form of rotten fruit at you, and it hits you squarely in the chest. But to be honest, you don't even care. Their smiles are enough you warm your heart, and to keep your nostrils from forcing you to puke from the scent of whatever that fruit is.
>As you exit the stage, you give Twilight a wink, and she winks back at you. Then, you pull up a chair behind the curtain and kick back as she walks out to thunderous applause from the audience. You haven't seen this movie she made yet, but you know she put ina  ton of effort, and you can hardly wait. At last, she quiets the foals.
"Fillies and Gentlecolts!" she says, sounding practically overjoyed. "I just want to welcome you to my hearth's warming spectacular! Today, you'll see just how you can help Ponyville be a better place to live, and find out what the holiday spirit has to do with all that. Are you ready?"
>The crowd shrieks that they are.
"Okay, here we go!" Twilight crows.
>She gives you a nod, and you flip the switch to the projector on cue. The screen lights up, and numbers pop up on the screen, counting down. Twilight exits the stage quickly as they do so, looking nervous and incredibly excited. She squeezes your shoulder as she turns to face the screen.
"This is it!" she hisses.
>Two.
>One.
>All at once there is a loud, blaring, booming noise from all around the stage. The speakers drone out a low, almost subsonic burst, that continues on in a way that rattles parts of your eardrums without actually sounding like anything. You shut your eyes a moment, trying to gain equilibrium, and when you open them again, all the lights on the stage are flashing. Green, red, white, green red, white, in rapid succession. The screen too is flashing, quick images of things your brain barely has time to make out. As you squint, you begin to get the idea of what is being shown to the foals.
>There's a pony, lying in a trench, obviously dead from some kind of magical burst to the chest. Then there's a scene of Canterlot castle on fire, burning. A cute bunny hopping through the grass. The word "FIGHT." A cackling shadow pony flying through the air. A severed hoof in the snow. A raised head clad in armor. A crying foal, alone in an alley. The words "PONIES ARE BEST." Flowers growing. Fireworks. A mushroom cloud.
>All the while, you hear the low, blaring, warbling subsonic noise vibrating your very organs. As you listen closely, you realize it changes pitch just a little. It sounds like words, words you cannot quite hear, and a melody. Is... is that Winter Wrap Up?
>Nevermind that now, though, there are foals being subjected to this! These scenes, these constantly flashing lights, this sound, none of this is okay! You jump up and try to flip off the projector, but it won't turn off. You rush to the edge of the curtain, but when you Glance out, you see that none of the foals are crying or running away. Instead, they all lie on the ground, twitching and convulsing. one is even foaming at the mouth. The colors, the sights, this reaction... you realize, all at once, that every last foal in the audience is having some sort of epileptic fit or seizure. And there can only be one reason for all of this.
>With horror, you turn back towards Twilight to find her with headphones on, peeking out between the curtains. She's got a clipboard in hand, and is hastily scribbling down notes on it. You feel a surge of anger and hurt rising in your chest.
>Without any hesitation, you stride to the princess and spin her to face you.
"Twilight WHAT THE FUCK!" you scream at her, to be sure she can read your lips. "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS! I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO HELP THIS YEAR!"
>She looks utterly calm, not at all sheepish or ashamed. She studies your face then, all at once, just gives you a little shrug and gives you a look as if you're acting crazy.
"What? This is a good thing!" she yells over the horrible thundering noise.
"HOW IS THIS A GOOD THING!"
"Well, I set up this experiment to see if I could force ponies to go into a seizure with certain sights and sounds! Now, next time Equestria is attacked by changelings or shadow ponies or something, we can stop them with this! These kids are helping out all of Equestria!"
>She smiles proudly up at you. You blink back at her, trying to understand how she got like this. what horrible thing happened to her in childhood to make her into this kind of crazy bitch? Was she dropped on her head? Was she abused? Did Celestia touch her no-no bits?
"Besides," she goes on, still grinning. "There are no lasting effects! they'll wake up when the video ends, no harm done! Okay, maybe a few will have a speech impediment, but nothing life threatening. And you weren't even hurt or maimed this time! See how much I've improved?"
>You stand completely still, gripping her shoulders for a moment. Then, in one swift motion, you snatch off her headphones. As the noise meets her hears, you see her eyes dilate. Her form goes rigid, her mouth goes slack, and her body crumples to the floor where it starts thrashing and seizing like a middle aged white woman trying to dance at a holiday party. You leave her there, just lying on the ground amidst this wondrous "gift" she's given to Ponyville. You only give her one final glance as you make your way off the stage.
"Merry fucking Christmas, Twilight," you mutter.
>Then, the turn your back on her and the whole ordeal, and point yourself towards the castle. With any luck, there's enough alcohol there that you can drink yourself unconscious for the rest of the holiday season.


-END-


Equine sidewalks, bullshit gift talks
Such fake holiday smiles
In the air there's a feeling of Fuck this.
Foals are laughing, ponies passing
Filling you up with bile
Making you want to puke when they're near

Festive hell (festive hell), festive hell (festive hell)
You want to die and it feels shitty
Suicide, (open wide)
Cyanide, (pills inside)
Soon your life will slip away...