2019-04-13 17:48:16 [2+2=] send me an invite
2019-04-13 17:48:27 [2+2=] this is important obviously
2019-04-13 17:48:40 [goofytoad] 2019-04-13 17:48:30 [server] user 2+2= hasn't enabled private room add. please message them and ask them to do so before trying to add them again.
2019-04-13 17:48:41 [2+2=] SEND ME A GOD DAMN INVITE
2019-04-13 17:57:24 [goofytoad] i'll add you when you got private room enabled
2019-04-13 21:33:34 [goofytoad] 2019-04-13 21:33:22 [server] user 2+2= hasn't enabled private room add. please message them and ask them to do so before trying to add them again.

2019-04-13 21:33:43 [goofytoad] what version slsk are you on
2019-04-13 21:59:31 [2+2=] why are you doing this?
2019-04-13 21:59:43 [goofytoad] cuz i can
2019-04-13 21:59:49 [2+2=] haha
2019-04-13 22:00:02 [2+2=] i just mean is there any reason for it?
2019-04-13 22:00:16 [2+2=] did something set it off or anything?
2019-04-13 22:00:37 [goofytoad] because indie is a pool of toxic turds in their basement, no doxxers allowed
2019-04-13 22:00:45 [2+2=] haha
2019-04-13 22:00:50 [2+2=] good reason
2019-04-13 22:01:04 [goofytoad] well i got annoyed with redundant shit talking hearing the same tired jokes day in and day out
2019-04-13 22:01:24 [2+2=] i gotcha
2019-04-13 22:02:41 [2+2=] i don't really use this for chat but i'll enable private room add
2019-04-13 22:02:50 [2+2=] just because i think your cause is noble
2019-04-13 22:03:10 [goofytoad] k lemme know when you have and i'll make you an operator
2019-04-13 22:04:09 [2+2=] if i can even figure it out
2019-04-13 22:05:15 [goofytoad] what version of slsk are you on
2019-04-13 22:05:28 [2+2=] the newest version
2019-04-13 22:05:52 [goofytoad] If you click Rooms, above that there should be a button to Enable Private Rooms
2019-04-13 22:05:56 [goofytoad] i forget the wording
2019-04-13 22:07:36 [2+2=] maybe my version isn't the latest afterall
2019-04-13 22:07:50 [2+2=] 1917.2.20
2019-04-13 22:08:23 [2+2=] i got auto join
2019-04-13 22:08:31 [2+2=] activity alert
2019-04-13 22:08:41 [2+2=] chat log and room wall
2019-04-13 22:09:18 [goofytoad] click out of of rooms tab and click it again
2019-04-13 22:10:01 [2+2=] there we go
2019-04-13 22:10:09 [2+2=] gotta close the room and rejoin
2019-04-13 22:10:23 [goofytoad] great it worked.
2019-04-13 22:10:38 [goofytoad] autojoin this shit! :) there's a lot of good ppl in here
2019-04-13 22:55:40 [2+2=] Keep your face to the sunshine and you will never see shadows.
2019-04-13 22:55:43 [2+2=] nice quote
2019-04-13 22:55:48 [2+2=] where did you get that?
2019-04-13 22:56:41 [goofytoad] a huge quote collection, haha
2019-04-13 22:57:04 [2+2=] haha oh ok
2019-04-15 15:36:18 [2+2=] glad to see the channel surviving!
2019-04-15 15:36:43 [2+2=] it's been a refreshing change
2019-04-15 15:42:04 [goofytoad] i definitely think so, a lot of the toxic chatters just filter themselves out and it seems to be a nice atmosphere :)
2019-04-15 15:42:17 [goofytoad] lot of people telling me they're liking the room so i'm happy about that
2019-04-15 15:47:51 [2+2=] if only toxic chatters would do that in real life :)
2019-04-16 18:32:29 [2+2=] whats was your spirtual awakening about? i've been talking to krishna about this
2019-04-16 18:32:38 [2+2=] our awakening
2019-04-16 18:32:50 [2+2=] i think it's happening around the world
2019-04-16 18:32:59 [goofytoad] i'm actually writing a book about it haha
2019-04-16 18:33:03 [2+2=] that sounds kinda new agey but it's true he
2019-04-16 18:33:08 [2+2=] whoa!
2019-04-16 18:33:15 [2+2=] i'm writing alot about it myself
2019-04-16 18:33:46 [2+2=] i've been experiencing some very strange things happening in my life
2019-04-16 18:34:06 [2+2=] how long ago was this started for you?
2019-04-16 18:34:10 [goofytoad] it's hard to explain in few words. i felt at one with the universe, i felt like i was meant to have a higher purpose, i was surrounded by synchronicity and the most bizarre things happening, i felt i could feel other's souls and look through their pain and hurt, and understand things happen for a reason
2019-04-16 18:34:15 [goofytoad] it started in 2015
2019-04-16 18:34:27 [2+2=] what the hellllllll
2019-04-16 18:34:41 [2+2=] you just repeated everything i've been experiencing
2019-04-16 18:34:41 [goofytoad] it was actually very jarring and abrupt. are you familiar with the dark night of the soul?
2019-04-16 18:34:53 [2+2=] hmm
2019-04-16 18:34:55 [2+2=] maybe
2019-04-16 18:35:05 [2+2=] i call it my ape self, my ego
2019-04-16 18:35:41 [2+2=] have you read dolores cannon at all?
2019-04-16 18:36:17 [2+2=] she did a thing called regressive past life therapy
2019-04-16 18:36:23 [2+2=] it's interesting stuff
2019-04-16 18:36:24 [goofytoad] i read a little bit. i had a dream about what happens when you die, i posted it on some new age group and someone said it sounded exactly like one of her books
2019-04-16 18:36:34 [goofytoad] https://thesinnersbible684973935.wordpress.com/ this handles a bit of my spiritual awakening
2019-04-16 18:37:11 [2+2=] she was basically a lady that was doing hypnotism on peopel to cure them from addictions
2019-04-16 18:37:17 [2+2=] and accidentally took them too deep
2019-04-16 18:37:41 [2+2=] and foudn out about how we can speak through our higher self in hypnotism
2019-04-16 18:38:01 [goofytoad] i'm really lucky to have a spiritual counsellor who is very familiar with past lives and karmic debt and such, very similar beliefs as i do
2019-04-16 18:38:29 [goofytoad] fuck, when i had my spiritual awakening. my higher self literally took control of my being. it was absolutely wild
2019-04-16 18:38:52 [2+2=] yeah i'm wanting to do that myself, i feel this deep want to heal everyone and help them transition into umm i'm not sure
2019-04-16 18:38:54 [goofytoad] i had periods of loss of control, it was like i was possessed by my soul.
2019-04-16 18:38:57 [2+2=] a higher self?
2019-04-16 18:39:06 [2+2=] dude!
2019-04-16 18:39:13 [2+2=] ok let me tell you
2019-04-16 18:39:18 [2+2=] 6-7 years ago
2019-04-16 18:39:23 [2+2=] my life fell apart
2019-04-16 18:39:34 [2+2=] i loss my marrage my friends
2019-04-16 18:39:40 [2+2=] i thought i was losing it
2019-04-16 18:40:09 [2+2=] i felt like i could umm
2019-04-16 18:40:15 [goofytoad] incredibly transforming time i imagine
2019-04-16 18:40:17 [2+2=] almost see through people
2019-04-16 18:40:27 [2+2=] see they're true self
2019-04-16 18:40:39 [2+2=] at first i thought it was demons or something
2019-04-16 18:40:48 [2+2=] i didn't know what the hell was happening
2019-04-16 18:41:27 [2+2=] we are going through a evolution
2019-04-16 18:41:36 [2+2=] since 2012 i beleive
2019-04-16 18:42:02 [2+2=] sorry but i hold this stuff back from most haha it sounds crazy
2019-04-16 18:42:06 [goofytoad] it was frightening i imagine, it was for me. after i had my spiritual awakening, i had severe cognitive dissonance and didnt know if i was crazy or not
2019-04-16 18:42:17 [goofytoad] but i finally integrated it, although it's a process
2019-04-16 18:42:29 [2+2=] well
2019-04-16 18:42:35 [goofytoad] 2019-04-16 18:40:17 [2+2=] almost see through people < i felt something very similar
2019-04-16 18:42:44 [2+2=] i've started to realize just how powerful our minds are
2019-04-16 18:43:04 [2+2=] this world is a sham
2019-04-16 18:43:11 [2+2=] it's an illusion
2019-04-16 18:44:03 [2+2=] i know many other people are going through this right now
2019-04-16 18:44:12 [2+2=] and have absolutely no idea whats going on
2019-04-16 18:44:24 [goofytoad] 314 was a pivotal number in my awakening, it had me deeply confused for a long time. it took two years of exploring before i was able to make any sense of it. it was pretty wild what i discovered
2019-04-16 18:44:59 [goofytoad] Eckholle Tolle – A New Earth, Awakening to your life’s purpose - To love is to recognize
yourself in another. The other's "otherness" then stands revealed as an illusion pertaining to the purely
human realm, the realm of form
2019-04-16 18:45:04 [goofytoad] Eckholle Tolle – A New Earth, Awakening to your life’s purpose - To love is to recognize
yourself in another. The other's "otherness" then stands revealed as an illusion pertaining to the purely human realm, the realm of form
2019-04-16 18:45:20 [2+2=] check this guy out
2019-04-16 18:45:22 [2+2=] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d7aDKIOz5nU
2019-04-16 18:45:37 [2+2=] what did you discover?
2019-04-16 18:46:40 [2+2=] my number is 1111
2019-04-16 18:47:22 [goofytoad] i had my spiritual awakening at 314 belfield. the reason i lived there was because my friend's parents thought it was lucky. shortly after moving in i began having a spiritual awakening. i wished i knew why they thought it was lucky
2019-04-16 18:48:09 [2+2=] numbers seem to have a signifigance in the awakening
2019-04-16 18:48:22 [goofytoad] november 6th 2015 my clairvoyance began manifesting. after my awakening, i went into denial. 2 years to the date, november 6th, 2017, i got a receipt with 314 on it
2019-04-16 18:48:45 [goofytoad] i had an abundance of synchronicity. i met someone who was deeply fascinated and it took me down the rabbit hole. i wanted to understand what the number meant
2019-04-16 18:49:31 [goofytoad] days after the number popped up again. i wanted to go hiking but i was really tired. i got a coffee and the order total was 3:14 at 3:14. that made me decide to go on the hike afterall
2019-04-16 18:49:47 [2+2=] what do you mean your clairvoyance was manifesting?
2019-04-16 18:50:12 [goofytoad] i found a sacred geometry symbol graffitied on a tree. i looked it up and it was called metatron's cube. i found out that metatron, numerically in jewish gematria, was 314
2019-04-16 18:50:23 [2+2=] the people i have met who are going through this, and i've met quite a few all have simularities
2019-04-16 18:50:36 [goofytoad] my higher self "predicted" something major to happen, and that was the day it happened
2019-04-16 18:51:05 [goofytoad] a lot of my awakening was in anticipation of that day.
2019-04-16 18:51:23 [2+2=] synchronicities, love of nature, usually single, usually work from home or have no job, have a deep connection with animals, searching for their path or their goal
2019-04-16 18:51:50 [goofytoad] so i got really confused when i found out metatron's cube numberically equalled 314. i found this strange blog online saying stephen hawking considered 314 to be the meaning of life, the universe and everything. i thought it was fucked up.
2019-04-16 18:52:07 [2+2=] heh
2019-04-16 18:52:13 [goofytoad] i had a feeling something major was going to happen on march 14th, 3/14, and stephen hawking died that day.
2019-04-16 18:52:41 [2+2=] we manifest our realities through our inner self/higher self
2019-04-16 18:52:45 [goofytoad] did more digging, turned out the first line of the bible, in genesis, numerically equals pi
2019-04-16 18:53:04 [goofytoad] in jewish gematria, 314 also means God Almighty
2019-04-16 18:53:28 [2+2=] it's your higher self pointing you in a direction toward your goal
2019-04-16 18:53:49 [2+2=] have you ever had a dmt breakthrough?
2019-04-16 18:53:56 [goofytoad] nah i haven't, i'd like to though
2019-04-16 18:54:02 [2+2=] well
2019-04-16 18:54:09 [2+2=] you should!
2019-04-16 18:54:14 [goofytoad] the isolation of going through a spiritual awakening was really rough
2019-04-16 18:54:20 [2+2=] yeah!
2019-04-16 18:54:26 [2+2=] it was terrible
2019-04-16 18:54:32 [goofytoad] it wasn't years until i met people with similar ideologies
2019-04-16 18:54:45 [goofytoad] what was DMT like for ya?
2019-04-16 18:54:52 [2+2=] heh
2019-04-16 18:55:15 [2+2=] it's so different from our reality that you can't explain it with words
2019-04-16 18:55:34 [2+2=] it's literally being shot into a different demension
2019-04-16 18:55:46 [2+2=] you are fully concious
2019-04-16 18:55:51 [2+2=] your know yourself
2019-04-16 18:55:58 [goofytoad] salvia was like that for me, but i'm sure DMT is completely engulfing. although salvia is as well
2019-04-16 18:56:19 [2+2=] many meet other entities
2019-04-16 18:56:37 [2+2=] and these entities almost always are like your family to you
2019-04-16 18:56:39 [goofytoad] when i was young i was very fascinated with mystics. but i was completely atheist most of my life. until i met my twin flame
2019-04-16 18:56:54 [2+2=] it's like wow THIS is reality
2019-04-16 18:57:14 [2+2=] i just literally yesterday found out about mystics
2019-04-16 18:57:59 [2+2=] met your twin flame?
2019-04-16 18:58:15 [2+2=] i've always been a truth seeker in a way
2019-04-16 18:58:33 [2+2=] but it was just something i did in my spare time
2019-04-16 18:59:01 [2+2=] things never seemed ....right
2019-04-16 18:59:16 [2+2=] always questioning everything
2019-04-16 18:59:45 [goofytoad] yeah me too, questioned everything
2019-04-16 18:59:59 [2+2=] sorry i always get excited when i met another path seeker
2019-04-16 19:00:04 [2+2=] thats what i call us
2019-04-16 19:00:41 [goofytoad] that's quite ok! i do as well, such an enormous world to explore
2019-04-16 19:00:50 [goofytoad] inside and outside ourselves
2019-04-16 19:01:38 [2+2=] the truth is within us all
2019-04-16 19:02:01 [2+2=] i never was into meditation
2019-04-16 19:02:29 [2+2=] and lately it's all clicked
2019-04-16 19:02:58 [goofytoad] that happened to me a month or two ago, it was a lot to process
2019-04-16 19:03:25 [goofytoad] mostly dealing with my therapist recommending a book about pre-birth contracts which highly deals with the higher self
2019-04-16 19:03:39 [2+2=] hmm
2019-04-16 19:03:54 [goofytoad] and the soul's purpose
2019-04-16 19:04:19 [goofytoad] do you believe in soul families?
2019-04-16 19:04:27 [2+2=] absolutely
2019-04-16 19:05:22 [2+2=] ok let me tell you what i've foudn through talking to other, through meditation, through dmt, and researching ancient texts
2019-04-16 19:05:23 [goofytoad] my therapist does, it creates a pretty intimate connection it's almost like an unspoken thing that we are from the same soul family
2019-04-16 19:05:50 [2+2=] there was a spiritual calling going out
2019-04-16 19:06:10 [2+2=] saying the earth is about to go through a transition
2019-04-16 19:06:21 [2+2=] into a higher demensional state
2019-04-16 19:06:42 [2+2=] basically we are not prepared for this
2019-04-16 19:07:20 [2+2=] many many souls were put in place to help this transition
2019-04-16 19:07:21 [goofytoad] i'm somewhat familair with that idea, like the global awakening
2019-04-16 19:07:57 [2+2=] i was told this on dmt, read about it through dolores cannon afterward
2019-04-16 19:08:32 [2+2=] we have a mission to help this transition because it's not going to be easy for people
2019-04-16 19:08:45 [2+2=] the realization that this material world isn't all there is
2019-04-16 19:09:38 [2+2=] the ying and the yang of dark and light is also out of balance
2019-04-16 19:09:42 [goofytoad] it's a difficult path to walk at times, a lot of challenge
2019-04-16 19:09:52 [2+2=] oh man
2019-04-16 19:10:40 [2+2=] i think many that are going through this and don't realize it are killing themselves
2019-04-16 19:10:51 [2+2=] ive had a few friends go through this
2019-04-16 19:11:06 [2+2=] it will rip your life apart
2019-04-16 19:11:48 [2+2=] the darkness within us all doesn't like this change at all
2019-04-16 19:12:57 [2+2=] what is your book about?
2019-04-16 19:13:14 [goofytoad] basically my spiritual awakening journey haha
2019-04-16 19:13:26 [goofytoad] and the strange obstacles i've had to face
2019-04-16 19:13:45 [goofytoad] and the incredible coincidences i've had along the way
2019-04-16 19:14:36 [2+2=] we basically all live within a world that is a school, a spiritual trainging ground
2019-04-16 19:14:57 [2+2=] this is why dark forces are allowed to have so much power here
2019-04-16 19:15:42 [2+2=] learning is never easy, especally when you go off the path of righteousness towards others
2019-04-16 19:15:42 [goofytoad] on a mushroom trip i had an epiphany moment that it's a spiritual journey and not a spiritual destination
2019-04-16 19:16:31 [2+2=] yes yes
2019-04-16 19:16:46 [2+2=] buddhists speal of it like a path
2019-04-16 19:16:56 [2+2=] we all walk our own path
2019-04-16 19:17:10 [2+2=] which is why we should never follow gurus too closely
2019-04-16 19:17:25 [2+2=] their path can be much more different then our own
2019-04-16 19:17:41 [2+2=] more different?
2019-04-16 19:17:50 [2+2=] i forgot the english language
2019-04-16 19:18:16 [goofytoad] nope that's perfect, much more different
2019-04-16 19:18:29 [2+2=] haha
2019-04-16 19:20:29 [2+2=] i think the main thing i've taken from dmt is that your own mind does more damage to you then anyone else ever could
2019-04-16 19:21:03 [2+2=] we manifest our own realities based on our subconcious mind
2019-04-16 19:21:38 [goofytoad] when i began my awakening and shortly before, it was like the universe was giving me all i ever wanted in life
2019-04-16 19:21:40 [goofytoad] it was wild
2019-04-16 19:22:34 [2+2=] i think as we get closer to our awakening or whatever you wanna call it, our mind is manifesting things quicker then it normally would
2019-04-16 19:22:51 [2+2=] also the resonance of the earth has gone WAY up recently
2019-04-16 19:23:20 [2+2=] nasa doesn't knwo what to make of it
2019-04-16 19:23:30 [2+2=] the myans knew
2019-04-16 19:24:40 [2+2=] i think this is why staying away from fearful, self defeating thoughts is very important right now
2019-04-16 19:25:23 [2+2=] what happened after that?
2019-04-16 19:26:06 [goofytoad] i reckon you could be very right about that, but what did the mayans know about it?
2019-04-16 19:26:18 [goofytoad] it continues to happen, it's quite bizarre
2019-04-16 19:26:39 [2+2=] that 2012 was the begining of the end of time as we know it
2019-04-16 19:26:44 [goofytoad] last month most recently i was desperately wanting to reach out to someone that i didnt think wanted to talk to me. i crafted her a text just to delete it
2019-04-16 19:26:48 [2+2=] time is an illusion
2019-04-16 19:26:58 [2+2=] you realized this i'm sure on psychedelics
2019-04-16 19:27:09 [2+2=] or even eating pot food heh
2019-04-16 19:27:13 [goofytoad] immediately after crafting the text, i got a barrage of texts from her saying she was seeing signs that made her feel like reaching out to me
2019-04-16 19:27:29 [2+2=] yes!
2019-04-16 19:27:36 [2+2=] that happens to me all the time
2019-04-16 19:27:51 [2+2=] i think of someone and they call the next day
2019-04-16 19:28:08 [goofytoad] prior to that, i went to a concert. i looked at the band and i felt deeply within my being i wanted to become friends with them
2019-04-16 19:28:54 [2+2=] our intuition is gaining strength big time
2019-04-16 19:28:56 [goofytoad] low and behold in the entire venue, the one i felt an affinity to felt super drawn to me. and we became friends. i learned a great deal from them spirtually
2019-04-16 19:29:36 [goofytoad] at first i didn't know what to expect, but it turned out she/they would help me better understand the 314 synchronicity. she had experienced it too. it was floored
2019-04-16 19:30:05 [2+2=] when this started happening to me
2019-04-16 19:30:21 [2+2=] i thought the world was mocking me or soemthing
2019-04-16 19:30:33 [2+2=] i thought i was going nuts
2019-04-16 19:30:34 [goofytoad] i don't mean to sound arrogant but my intuition is highly developed, it freaks me out often but i'm starting to just roll with it
2019-04-16 19:31:01 [2+2=] now i realize it's more the world is showing me my way
2019-04-16 19:31:27 [goofytoad] mhmm :)
2019-04-16 19:31:38 [goofytoad] i understand that feeling
2019-04-16 19:31:51 [2+2=] i would talk to someone in private about something and hear it the next day exactly as i said it
2019-04-16 19:31:52 [goofytoad] what helped to realize that you weren't crazy?
2019-04-16 19:31:57 [2+2=] it creeped me out
2019-04-16 19:32:48 [2+2=] i knew i wasn't crazy
2019-04-16 19:32:59 [2+2=] at first i just started to look at it rationally
2019-04-16 19:33:14 [2+2=] i thought someone was fucking with me
2019-04-16 19:33:30 [2+2=] eventually i just rolled with it
2019-04-16 19:33:38 [goofytoad] SAME
2019-04-16 19:33:48 [2+2=] because i realized the more i got freaked out by it the worse it got
2019-04-16 19:34:05 [2+2=] eventually i realized i was effecting it
2019-04-16 19:34:15 [goofytoad] i was thinking "yeah right you're obsessed with 314 *eye roll*" "yeah i'm so sure you had signs to contact me"
2019-04-16 19:34:32 [2+2=] it's alot to take in at first
2019-04-16 19:34:37 [goofytoad] universe taught me to trust in its experience
2019-04-16 19:34:56 [goofytoad] i thought people were majorly gaslighting me a lot of the time
2019-04-16 19:35:17 [2+2=] it's so different then what our brains are accustomed to experiencing things
2019-04-16 19:35:28 [2+2=] yes!
2019-04-16 19:35:46 [2+2=] there is a whole group of people called targeted individuals
2019-04-16 19:35:55 [2+2=] i beleive they are all going through this
2019-04-16 19:36:05 [2+2=] they think it's a government thing
2019-04-16 19:36:28 [2+2=] chromatiq is one of them
2019-04-16 19:36:44 [2+2=] we had a very long conversation about this a few days ago
2019-04-16 19:36:54 [2+2=] i think i finally got him out of that mindset
2019-04-16 19:37:07 [2+2=] you manifest your monsters
2019-04-16 19:38:18 [goofytoad] i doubt chromatiq will take to it unfortunately, he seems to be really whimsical and influenced easily by the stuff he reads on the net
2019-04-16 19:38:24 [2+2=] i you beleive aliens live next door your probably going to start to see some wierd shit
2019-04-16 19:38:27 [goofytoad] his good ol guilty pleasure of conspiracy theories
2019-04-16 19:38:45 [2+2=] no we went deep into this
2019-04-16 19:39:12 [goofytoad] hopefully you had more of an impact than i did lol
2019-04-16 19:39:14 [2+2=] i told him if you surround yourself with nasty shit and negativity your falling right into a mindtrap
2019-04-16 19:39:27 [2+2=] oh you talked to him aout it too?
2019-04-16 19:39:28 [2+2=] haha
2019-04-16 19:39:35 [goofytoad] not a lot of people take chrome seriously but he's a good guy deep down
2019-04-16 19:39:50 [2+2=] i take him seriously because i've been there!
2019-04-16 19:40:00 [2+2=] i know he's a good guy
2019-04-16 19:40:04 [2+2=] we all are!
2019-04-16 19:40:09 [goofytoad] i forget, did you say you were new to slsk
2019-04-16 19:40:31 [2+2=] we are all being fooled by this mucky material world and it's hard to get our minds out of it
2019-04-16 19:40:31 [goofytoad] or did you just hang out somewhere i wasnt
2019-04-16 19:41:44 [2+2=] no not new at all
2019-04-16 19:41:53 [2+2=] more speratic
2019-04-16 19:42:08 [2+2=] i've been going on here off and on since the kazaa days way back when
2019-04-16 19:42:46 [2+2=] i used to be a semi regular years ago
2019-04-16 19:43:14 [2+2=] also ive kept to myself for the most part because i used to be pretty insecure heh
2019-04-16 19:43:23 [2+2=] not since all this happened though
2019-04-16 19:43:48 [2+2=] btw my real name is Dave
2019-04-16 19:44:23 [2+2=] i look back on my old self and i wish i could just walk up to him and slap him
2019-04-16 19:44:30 [goofytoad] mine's ashley, nice to meet ya dave :)
2019-04-16 19:44:38 [2+2=] for sure
2019-04-16 19:45:02 [goofytoad] yes, i gained a lot of security through my awakening but it was a tough hurdle to climb and i never thought i'd make it
2019-04-16 19:45:02 [2+2=] nothing excites me more then meeting another seeker ashley
2019-04-16 19:45:16 [2+2=] dude
2019-04-16 19:45:27 [2+2=] i used to pray that something would kill me
2019-04-16 19:45:34 [2+2=] i was too much of a pussy to do it myself
2019-04-16 19:45:56 [2+2=] once i had enough
2019-04-16 19:46:02 [2+2=] i went hiking
2019-04-16 19:46:07 [2+2=] and i screamed at god
2019-04-16 19:46:19 [2+2=] if this shit is all you got then kill me motherfucker!@
2019-04-16 19:46:36 [goofytoad] that's intense, sounds like my dark night of the soul
2019-04-16 19:46:59 [2+2=] dude i was so pissed at the world
2019-04-16 19:47:05 [goofytoad] my spiritual awakening happened shortly after a suicide attempt, was never religious nor did i believe in god but i was so desperate that i prayed for him to save me
2019-04-16 19:47:09 [2+2=] i had a dream life
2019-04-16 19:47:34 [2+2=] i was married to an amazing person who i thought i was going to have kids with
2019-04-16 19:47:42 [2+2=] i had an amazing group of friends
2019-04-16 19:47:48 [2+2=] i was in bands
2019-04-16 19:48:04 [2+2=] i was in a job that paid really well
2019-04-16 19:48:04 [goofytoad] yeah i thought i had a dream life too
2019-04-16 19:48:08 [goofytoad] same
2019-04-16 19:48:19 [2+2=] i lost it all within a few months
2019-04-16 19:48:27 [goofytoad] minus the bands and marriage. and same i did too haha
2019-04-16 19:49:21 [2+2=] yup
2019-04-16 19:49:42 [2+2=] i'm not telling you because i'm looking for sympathy btw
2019-04-16 19:50:03 [goofytoad] oh i totally get it
2019-04-16 19:50:09 [2+2=] i think the world was just like, nope, that isn't what you're supposed to be doing
2019-04-16 19:50:13 [goofytoad] i've had that discussion before
2019-04-16 19:50:37 [goofytoad] yeah. it looked like smooth sailing ahead for me forever, and then bam it all fell apart
2019-04-16 19:51:09 [2+2=] thats part of the test i'm convinced
2019-04-16 19:51:33 [goofytoad] you might enjoy my book!
2019-04-16 19:51:41 [2+2=] almost all that i've talked to that are going through this have had extremely hard times recently
2019-04-16 19:51:56 [2+2=] you'd probably enjoy mine ahaha
2019-04-16 19:52:03 [2+2=] mines not a book though
2019-04-16 19:52:06 [2+2=] more a journal
2019-04-16 19:52:16 [goofytoad] yeah i'd love to read it!
2019-04-16 19:52:32 [2+2=] most of it was just me figuring this all out
2019-04-16 19:57:00 [goofytoad] the love of my life, i desperately wanted her to awaken. she was my soulmate
2019-04-16 19:57:10 [goofytoad] harsh lessons that still hurt
2019-04-16 19:57:10 [2+2=] really?
2019-04-16 19:57:28 [2+2=] you can't force someone to know their true selves
2019-04-16 19:57:39 [goofytoad] yeah. i learned that.
2019-04-16 19:57:39 [2+2=] it's like trying to stop a addict
2019-04-16 19:57:58 [2+2=] and thats what we are, addicts of the material world
2019-04-16 19:58:11 [2+2=] it seems so real!
2019-04-16 19:58:35 [goofytoad] would you read a poem i wrote about her? i think she prompted my awakening
2019-04-16 19:58:43 [2+2=] adam and eve is a parable about our fall from perfection into the material world
2019-04-16 19:58:49 [2+2=] i'm no chrisitian
2019-04-16 19:59:05 [2+2=] yes of course i would
2019-04-16 19:59:08 [2+2=] buttttt
2019-04-16 19:59:13 [2+2=] first i have to eat :)
2019-04-16 19:59:35 [2+2=] i would eat your poem but i'm not sure how appitizing it'd be
2019-04-16 19:59:44 [goofytoad] haha, hope you enjoy! https://www.deviantart.com/thesinnersbible/art/the-collision-of-fates-584125963 if ya get a chance
2019-04-16 19:59:47 [2+2=] maybe some salt would spie it up
2019-04-16 20:00:09 [2+2=] alright for sure, i'll be back in a few and i'll read it
2019-04-16 20:19:47 [2+2=] i read your poem and i loved it
2019-04-16 20:20:06 [2+2=] it reminded me of when i was going through my breakup with my wife
2019-04-16 20:20:18 [2+2=] it was all me
2019-04-16 20:20:52 [2+2=] not that you were at fault with yours
2019-04-16 20:21:45 [2+2=] i was being led deeply toward darkness when this first started
2019-04-16 20:22:04 [goofytoad] aww thanks <3
2019-04-16 20:22:07 [2+2=] i felt a urge to cheat, to do drugs to do whatever whenever
2019-04-16 20:22:22 [2+2=] i didn't do all that to her but i did enough stupid shit
2019-04-16 20:22:41 [2+2=] the pull was VERY intense
2019-04-16 20:23:10 [2+2=] i've always been basically a good kid for the most part so it was a big change
2019-04-16 20:23:17 [goofytoad] i was with someone who was abusive, i was in love with my friend steno. i cut her out of my life but i could never get her out of my head. 2 years later she basically saved me and we fell in love
2019-04-16 20:23:42 [2+2=] awe well
2019-04-16 20:23:48 [goofytoad] i was with my ex for 6 years never realized i didnt truly love her, didnt find out what love was until her
2019-04-16 20:24:20 [2+2=] the kind of people we are
2019-04-16 20:24:28 [2+2=] it's very easy to be abused
2019-04-16 20:24:37 [2+2=] we are easy targets
2019-04-16 20:25:11 [goofytoad] good opportunity to learn about yourself though that's for sure
2019-04-16 20:25:28 [2+2=] i was never abusive or anything, i never cheated or did drugs but i got extremely paranoid and confused what was going on
2019-04-16 20:25:54 [2+2=] oh definately
2019-04-16 20:26:04 [2+2=] i'm a totally different person now
2019-04-16 20:26:19 [2+2=] well i'm less niave about the world
2019-04-16 20:26:29 [goofytoad] was there anything in particular that made your world start falling apart?
2019-04-16 20:26:47 [2+2=] hmmm
2019-04-16 20:26:54 [2+2=] weird shit was happening to me constantly
2019-04-16 20:27:37 [2+2=] almost daily strange coincidences, things would go missing, wierd sounds and a general uneasy feeling
2019-04-16 20:28:06 [2+2=] it was my self awakening
2019-04-16 20:28:13 [2+2=] at the time i didn't realize it
2019-04-16 20:28:30 [goofytoad] that does sound strange
2019-04-16 20:28:48 [2+2=] it sounds more then strange
2019-04-16 20:28:52 [2+2=] it sounds insane
2019-04-16 20:29:13 [2+2=] i kept it all in
2019-04-16 20:29:20 [2+2=] i told no one what was going on
2019-04-16 20:30:00 [2+2=] this isn't just me that has going through that though
2019-04-16 20:30:09 [2+2=] it's pretty common among us
2019-04-16 20:30:24 [2+2=] it's your mind playing tricks on itself
2019-04-16 20:31:13 [goofytoad] mhm very true
2019-04-16 20:31:58 [2+2=] once i realized what was happening it all stopped
2019-04-16 20:33:53 [2+2=] that wasn't what made my world to start falling apart though, it was how i acted
2019-04-16 20:34:42 [goofytoad] ahh gotcha, just that general unease could set it off i bet tho
2019-04-16 20:37:05 [2+2=] yeah i'm sure
2019-04-16 20:37:36 [2+2=] what about you?
2019-04-16 20:38:08 [2+2=] where are you btw?
2019-04-16 20:40:44 [goofytoad] i'm from ontario canada
2019-04-16 20:41:08 [goofytoad] well i wanted to do everything i could for my ex i was a huge people pleaser, i invited her narcissistic mother to live with us
2019-04-16 20:41:34 [goofytoad] shortly after i ran into some workplace bullying after being one of the top 3 employees in a company of like 500 people
2019-04-16 20:41:41 [goofytoad] my partner wasnt supportive and i just cracked
2019-04-16 20:42:59 [2+2=] work place bullying?
2019-04-16 20:43:30 [goofytoad] yep. i got demoted for literally no reason but embarrassing the IT manager
2019-04-16 20:43:51 [2+2=] you did IT work?
2019-04-16 20:43:51 [goofytoad] back to a position i worked extremely hard to get out of because it caused me severe anxiety
2019-04-16 20:44:47 [goofytoad] i worked at an ISP in the tech department doing "backend processing". i developed a macro suite that saved the company $100,000s of dollars and worked extremely hard every day of my life
2019-04-16 20:45:08 [2+2=] whoa thats awesome
2019-04-16 20:45:49 [goofytoad] i went from being the IT director's teacher's pet and golden child to a phone tech support and i snapped
2019-04-16 20:45:59 [2+2=] dude!
2019-04-16 20:46:20 [goofytoad] started having panic attacks several times a day, i couldnt work. couldnt clean. fell into a major depression and my anxiety went berzerk
2019-04-16 20:46:30 [2+2=] as someone that has worked tech support for more then a few years i can totally understand haha
2019-04-16 20:47:23 [2+2=] i swear non creative work especally non hands on office work brings out my worst
2019-04-16 20:47:47 [2+2=] i used to have random bouts of depression when i was doing IT work
2019-04-16 20:48:02 [goofytoad] i found IT to be a great way to channel my creativity
2019-04-16 20:48:19 [goofytoad] got presidential honours degree in IT
2019-04-16 20:48:22 [2+2=] we are all creative being and when it's not being utilized it drives our inner selves bonkers
2019-04-16 20:48:43 [2+2=] well i meant customer service
2019-04-16 20:48:50 [2+2=] i did that for a while
2019-04-16 20:48:55 [goofytoad] i was a fucking rockstar at that job. it was a huge part of my identity
2019-04-16 20:48:55 [2+2=] IT wasn't so bad
2019-04-16 20:49:13 [2+2=] management was when i started to really feel it
2019-04-16 20:49:33 [2+2=] i felt like i could finally truly help people
2019-04-16 20:49:48 [2+2=] presidential honours!
2019-04-16 20:50:00 [goofytoad] i wouldnt want to be in management, fuck that
2019-04-16 20:50:01 [2+2=] is that what you still do for work?
2019-04-16 20:50:06 [2+2=] haha
2019-04-16 20:50:17 [2+2=] i guess it depends on the place for me
2019-04-16 20:50:26 [2+2=] i was always at start ups
2019-04-16 20:50:28 [goofytoad] i haven't worked since tbh. i've done contract IT stuff but nothing consistent
2019-04-16 20:50:53 [goofytoad] yeah i worked at an ISP start up that became the most popular one in canada
2019-04-16 20:51:00 [goofytoad] i was the first woman tech there
2019-04-16 20:51:39 [2+2=] thats an accomplishment
2019-04-16 20:52:06 [2+2=] i never knew many but in san francisco it was a bit different
2019-04-16 20:52:15 [2+2=] i lived in san francisco for 10 years
2019-04-16 20:52:49 [2+2=] texas right now because my dad was having some issues
2019-04-16 20:53:09 [2+2=] and i wanted to be around him
2019-04-16 20:53:53 [2+2=] i think i just liked being in management because with the job i had i could work from home
2019-04-17 14:56:42 [2+2=] i don't have any blog if that was toward me, just physical journals
2019-04-17 14:57:00 [goofytoad] ahhhh gotcha