“Just get the fucking cord and leave”
I repeated these words in my consciousness until they became a part of my brain.  No awkward small talk, no stuttering, no mess.  Just get what you need and get out.  I quickly located what I wanted at the other end of the brightly lit CVS and stood behind another person at the counter.  The cashier was obviously familiar with her and joked in a reassuring nasally Midwestern accent. She was a plump women of late middle-age, like the kind of person you would see being a para for kids in elementary school. I began to feel at ease from her light disposition, which was my first mistake.  The women in front of me left with a wave and a smile to the human obstacle now standing in my way.  I smiled casually (I hope) and pushed the HDMI cord wordlessly towards her.  She did her thing and rang me up.
	“That’ll be $22.56” she said, staring straight into my soul.  Still smiling my utterly casual and, dare I say it, cool, smile I took out my card and pressed it into the chip reader.  We both waited in patient agony for the card to load. Eventually, it asked me to press buttons and so I did, until it reached a screen that was wholly alien and incomprehensible to me.
“What the fuck is a cashback?”  I thought, the smile slowly sliding off of my face into the ever deepening abyss which I was standing in front of.  Obviously they weren’t going to give me free money, that was just absurd.  Then why were they asking for an amount?  Was this a store credit thing?  Have I gone mad?  The cashier seemed to believe so, and with a hint of annoyance in her voice said “It’s a cashback, you get extra cash for your purchase” So I do get paid?  Did all chain stores suddenly decide to make a profound statement against capitalism overnight? Maybe she was trying to get me to buy something?  Would I suddenly wake up with an extra $40 on my debit that I’d never spend?  The thought filled me with dread, and so I pressed no.  Eager to leave at this point, and quite certain the screen said complete, I took out my card, mumbled a “Hvagudwun” and dashed to the exit.
“Wait”, the high, creaky voice of someone who’s name was probably Barb or Brandy stuck itself into my ears and reigned my body in.  “You took your card out too early, now you’ve got to do it over again.”
Was I in hell?  Some type of purgatory?  I was silently cursing the women, myself, whoever decided to start a wildly successful pharmaceutical chain, and Sony (not just for the HDMI but in general).  And so I repeated the process, until at last I got to that infernal digital rendition and once again the question “What the FUCK is a cashback?” and once again the awkward staring.  Taking a sigh, Barb (for in my panic I had given her the name) once again began to explain,
“You get money from your bank account if you choose to cashback, do you want 20, 40, or 60 dollars back?”
It took my brain a few seconds to accurately process her words, and then suddenly I understood.   I got cash from my ACCOUNT, it was like going to an ATM but more convenient, what a splendid idea!  And so I smiled my smile, got 20 bucks, asked for a bag, calmly left at the door, and as soon as I was out of eyesight of Barb, began to sprint home.