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Jadebloods are the best wives
For me it’s Lynera. Imagine picking her up and pounding her ass while she squeals in delight, someone finally showing her the sexual affection she’s always wanted to share. She’s yandere as fuck so you know she’s desperate for it. It would be awesome to just go to fuckin town and then lie together in a puddle of our own fluids, me telling her that’s she’s beautiful and shit, all the shit she wants to hear from somebody. That’s how you get a fucking wife right there. And Lynera? She’s just an example. Imagine how many pent up Jades there are. They aren’t allowed to pail when they’re cloistered, so somewhere in Homestuck there’s just a bunch of sexually repressed alien nuns just begging for dick. It’s awesome.