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- 1
- 00:00:07,333 --> 00:00:10,125
- (soft music)
- 2
- 00:00:15,250 --> 00:00:21,333
- ♪ Just as clear
- as the spots on the sun ♪
- 3
- 00:00:21,417 --> 00:00:25,583
- ♪ We are wired to be one ♪
- 4
- 00:00:26,667 --> 00:00:28,166
- ♪ And my heart... ♪
- 5
- 00:00:30,542 --> 00:00:35,375
- (background chatter,
- indistinct PA announcement)
- 6
- 00:00:38,500 --> 00:00:40,458
- (phone chiming)
- 7
- 00:00:50,959 --> 00:00:54,000
- (phone ringing)
- 8
- 00:00:55,166 --> 00:00:56,083
- - Yeah?
- 9
- 00:00:56,166 --> 00:00:57,583
- - Hey, did you get my text?
- 10
- 00:00:57,667 --> 00:00:59,625
- - Uh, I did.
- 11
- 00:00:59,709 --> 00:01:02,125
- Essentials, is that okay?
- 12
- 00:01:02,208 --> 00:01:03,125
- (woman sighing on the phone)
- - Anything's fine.
- 13
- 00:01:03,208 --> 00:01:06,125
- - Okay, perfect.
- - Actually, no. Get, um...
- 14
- 00:01:06,208 --> 00:01:09,375
- Promise Ultra.
- Promise Ultra.
- 15
- 00:01:09,458 --> 00:01:11,583
- - Uh...
- 16
- 00:01:11,667 --> 00:01:13,375
- Okay.
- 17
- 00:01:13,458 --> 00:01:15,250
- (sighing)
- You know, they say
- it's normal,
- 18
- 00:01:15,333 --> 00:01:18,458
- But I've had
- some crap come out
- of my vag'.
- 19
- 00:01:18,542 --> 00:01:20,083
- That's some real sci-fi shit.
- 20
- 00:01:20,166 --> 00:01:24,917
- - Are you trying to get me
- aroused? Because if you are,
- erection accomplished.
- 21
- 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:27,375
- - Hmm... sexy.
- 22
- 00:01:28,417 --> 00:01:30,583
- - How is he?
- - Almost out.
- 23
- 00:01:30,667 --> 00:01:34,208
- Dear Jesus, let him be out.
- (sighing)
- 24
- 00:01:34,291 --> 00:01:36,417
- (phone chiming)
- Oh, hang on.
- - Yeah, yeah.
- 25
- 00:01:40,375 --> 00:01:43,083
- Oh... what did she say?
- 26
- 00:01:43,166 --> 00:01:46,166
- Purpose... promise!
- 27
- 00:01:46,250 --> 00:01:48,291
- - Ken?
- - Yeah.
- 28
- 00:01:48,375 --> 00:01:51,500
- - That was your mom.
- 29
- 00:01:51,583 --> 00:01:53,208
- It's your dad.
- 30
- 00:01:54,750 --> 00:01:57,166
- - Why would my mom be...
- 31
- 00:01:57,250 --> 00:02:00,375
- (rock music)
- 32
- 00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:08,709
- Okay, Mom.
- Alright, me too.
- 33
- 00:02:08,792 --> 00:02:10,834
- Bye.
- 34
- 00:02:10,917 --> 00:02:13,583
- - Did she say what happened?
- 35
- 00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:15,709
- (sighing)
- 36
- 00:02:15,792 --> 00:02:18,417
- - Yeah, he has a... aneurysm.
- 37
- 00:02:20,667 --> 00:02:23,333
- (sighing)
- 38
- 00:02:23,417 --> 00:02:24,542
- - Ah!
- - Oh, sorry.
- 39
- 00:02:24,625 --> 00:02:26,375
- (moaning)
- Boobs.
- 40
- 00:02:27,250 --> 00:02:29,417
- - Do aneurysms hurt?
- 41
- 00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:32,333
- - I have no idea.
- 42
- 00:02:33,542 --> 00:02:35,542
- - You didn't pump?
- 43
- 00:02:35,625 --> 00:02:39,375
- - I fell asleep with the milker
- in my hand like some
- narcoleptic cow.
- 44
- 00:02:39,458 --> 00:02:40,875
- - That was my band's name
- in high school.
- 45
- 00:02:40,959 --> 00:02:43,458
- The Narcoleptic Cows.
- 46
- 00:02:44,542 --> 00:02:45,792
- - I know you didn't talk much.
- (sniffing)
- 47
- 00:02:45,875 --> 00:02:47,750
- (Ken scoffing)
- 48
- 00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:50,625
- - Or ever.
- 49
- 00:02:53,542 --> 00:02:54,834
- (moaning)
- 50
- 00:02:55,959 --> 00:02:58,792
- You think I should go?
- 51
- 00:03:00,667 --> 00:03:02,625
- - To your dad's funeral?
- 52
- 00:03:05,417 --> 00:03:07,583
- Your... your dad's funeral.
- 53
- 00:03:07,667 --> 00:03:10,500
- - I know, but I mean, it's a
- last-minute plane ticket and--
- 54
- 00:03:10,583 --> 00:03:13,500
- - Who gives a fuck? It's your
- dad! It's your dad's funeral!
- 55
- 00:03:13,583 --> 00:03:17,542
- Yeah, you have to go!
- What are you, dead inside?!
- 56
- 00:03:17,625 --> 00:03:18,917
- (sobbing)
- 57
- 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:22,250
- - Oh, hey, hey, hey...
- 58
- 00:03:22,333 --> 00:03:24,417
- It's alright.
- 59
- 00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:26,333
- - It's these fucking hormones.
- 60
- 00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:32,291
- Is your mom gonna go?
- - Um...
- 61
- 00:03:32,375 --> 00:03:36,458
- I don't know. She doesn't
- really go anywhere.
- 62
- 00:03:37,959 --> 00:03:40,875
- - Promise me we'll never get
- divorced!
- 63
- 00:03:42,250 --> 00:03:46,500
- - It's a big ask, sweetie.
- - Promise me and when I die,
- 64
- 00:03:46,583 --> 00:03:51,417
- you fucking make our son go
- to my funeral, even if I was
- the worst mom in the world!
- 65
- 00:03:52,291 --> 00:03:55,583
- - There are a lot of
- assumptions there.
- 66
- 00:03:55,667 --> 00:03:57,000
- - Ken, you listen to me, man!
- 67
- 00:03:57,083 --> 00:04:00,834
- I'm still as big as the house,
- and my boobs feel like
- cement and--
- 68
- 00:04:00,917 --> 00:04:03,375
- - Whoa, okay, okay, I promise.
- We'll go.
- 69
- 00:04:03,458 --> 00:04:07,333
- I'll bring my hot new
- girlfriend and... you know...
- what's his name, in the crib?
- 70
- 00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:15,750
- (sniffling)
- - We really have to name him!
- 71
- 00:04:15,834 --> 00:04:18,375
- Are we like
- the worst parents ever?
- 72
- 00:04:20,166 --> 00:04:22,875
- - Maybe top ten.
- (laughing)
- 73
- 00:04:30,959 --> 00:04:34,333
- - Hey...
- - Mm?
- 74
- 00:04:34,917 --> 00:04:37,542
- - Did you get diapers?
- 75
- 00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:39,000
- - Did you ask me to get...
- 76
- 00:04:39,083 --> 00:04:41,875
- What are you doing?
- 77
- 00:04:42,792 --> 00:04:46,542
- - I don't know.
- It's been a while and...
- 78
- 00:04:46,625 --> 00:04:49,333
- I thought maybe this could,
- uh...
- 79
- 00:04:50,083 --> 00:04:52,542
- ...cheer you up.
- (zipper opening)
- 80
- 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:53,792
- - Oh...
- 81
- 00:04:53,875 --> 00:04:55,917
- Are you sure?
- 82
- 00:04:58,792 --> 00:05:01,166
- (grunting)
- 83
- 00:05:01,250 --> 00:05:02,583
- - There...
- 84
- 00:05:05,834 --> 00:05:08,542
- - Oh... a little cold.
- 85
- 00:05:12,542 --> 00:05:15,667
- - Ow, no!
- - Sorry. I forgot.
- 86
- 00:05:19,333 --> 00:05:21,208
- - God, I...
- 87
- 00:05:21,291 --> 00:05:22,959
- (yawning): ...love your dick.
- 88
- 00:05:26,417 --> 00:05:30,208
- - Maybe we could, uh...
- try something a little more fun.
- 89
- 00:05:30,291 --> 00:05:33,417
- (baby crying)
- - And time.
- 90
- 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,583
- - Wait, oh...
- 91
- 00:05:35,667 --> 00:05:37,667
- - Would you please get that,
- babe? I have to go swap out
- my pad.
- 92
- 00:05:40,125 --> 00:05:42,709
- (baby crying)
- - Yeah, on it.
- 93
- 00:05:46,792 --> 00:05:47,709
- (moaning)
- 94
- 00:05:47,792 --> 00:05:51,750
- Okay, coming, you little...
- cock-blocker.
- 95
- 00:05:56,834 --> 00:06:00,667
- (indistinct dialogue)
- 96
- 00:06:05,417 --> 00:06:06,500
- - Ken?!
- 97
- 00:06:09,834 --> 00:06:11,834
- Listen, about that, um...
- 98
- 00:06:12,959 --> 00:06:15,709
- Ah, there's the little one!
- 99
- 00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:19,291
- Right where the corporate screen
- saver should be, huh?
- 100
- 00:06:19,375 --> 00:06:22,917
- - Yeah, I realized I didn't have
- any pictures on my desk, so...
- 101
- 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:26,917
- - Ah, well, at least, it's not a
- YouTube video of the actual
- birth, am I right?
- 102
- 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,959
- (chuckling)
- - I guess.
- 103
- 00:06:29,041 --> 00:06:31,834
- - God, you know, I remember
- our first...
- 104
- 00:06:31,917 --> 00:06:34,375
- Up every 15 minutes, couldn't
- get any sleep,
- 105
- 00:06:34,458 --> 00:06:36,333
- the wife and I are at each
- other's throats...
- 106
- 00:06:36,417 --> 00:06:38,000
- - Yeah, I know
- what you're saying.
- 107
- 00:06:38,083 --> 00:06:40,834
- Sometimes, I just...
- wanna hop in the car
- 108
- 00:06:40,917 --> 00:06:46,709
- and drive till my whole life
- is just a memory fading
- in the rearview.
- 109
- 00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:51,917
- - What the hell is wrong
- with you?
- (scoffing)
- 110
- 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:54,583
- Ken, this is a...
- family company.
- 111
- 00:06:54,667 --> 00:06:57,542
- - Right, no, I just thought we
- were... uh...
- 112
- 00:06:58,166 --> 00:07:04,917
- Speaking of families, would it
- be okay if I took a couple of
- personal days?
- 113
- 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:07,709
- I have a funeral.
- - Oh...
- 114
- 00:07:07,792 --> 00:07:10,834
- I'm sorry, who?
- - Uh, my dad.
- 115
- 00:07:13,542 --> 00:07:15,667
- - Bring it in here. Come on.
- - What?
- 116
- 00:07:15,750 --> 00:07:18,875
- - Come here. Come on!
- - Okay...
- 117
- 00:07:18,959 --> 00:07:21,959
- (grunting)
- Okay.
- 118
- 00:07:22,917 --> 00:07:27,000
- - What happened?
- - Um... it's an aneurysm.
- 119
- 00:07:27,083 --> 00:07:30,500
- (sighing)
- - Those are awful.
- 120
- 00:07:31,750 --> 00:07:34,500
- - Yeah, I've heard they're--
- - So when do you think
- you'll be back?
- 121
- 00:07:34,583 --> 00:07:37,375
- - Um... I can probably be back
- by Monday?
- 122
- 00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:42,125
- - Oh, well, at least, you're not
- gonna miss the wine and liquor
- convention, right?
- 123
- 00:07:42,208 --> 00:07:44,875
- (chuckling)
- 124
- 00:07:44,959 --> 00:07:47,792
- God, doesn't it seem
- like we just had WIZDIC
- the other day?
- 125
- 00:07:47,875 --> 00:07:49,083
- Hey, listen, how's that
- PowerPoint coming?
- 126
- 00:07:49,166 --> 00:07:52,625
- - Good, good, good. I thought
- I'd just finish it on the plane.
- 127
- 00:07:52,709 --> 00:07:56,625
- - No, no, no. You are going to
- grieve on the plane.
- 128
- 00:07:56,709 --> 00:07:59,667
- - Right.
- - Of course, we do need it,
- so...
- 129
- 00:07:59,750 --> 00:08:03,667
- - Yeah. Do we need it, though?
- Just...
- 130
- 00:08:03,750 --> 00:08:08,792
- because, I feel like I...
- I do one every year.
- 131
- 00:08:08,875 --> 00:08:12,041
- And it seems like the client
- never actually looks at it.
- 132
- 00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:14,500
- (chuckling)
- - And the one time you leave
- your house
- 133
- 00:08:14,583 --> 00:08:18,542
- without your spare tire...
- - Is the time you get a flat.
- (clicking fingers)
- 134
- 00:08:19,792 --> 00:08:20,709
- - Alright.
- 135
- 00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:23,083
- - So look, do we send flowers
- 136
- 00:08:23,166 --> 00:08:25,625
- or is there some kind of
- aneurysm fun run?
- 137
- 00:08:28,083 --> 00:08:28,959
- - The flowers works.
- 138
- 00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:33,917
- I'll see you in two whole days.
- 139
- 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:37,875
- - Hey, and I sent you that list
- of names, just so you have it.
- 140
- 00:08:39,417 --> 00:08:41,625
- - Alright.
- - Oh, my God!
- 141
- 00:08:41,709 --> 00:08:43,834
- You're finally throwing him
- out!?
- 142
- 00:08:43,917 --> 00:08:48,208
- - He's just going on a trip and
- I'm seeing him off 1950's
- housewife style.
- 143
- 00:08:48,291 --> 00:08:49,917
- - Well, when the husband's
- away...
- 144
- 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:53,458
- What time should I come over?
- - Any time is a good time.
- 145
- 00:08:53,542 --> 00:08:55,667
- - Okay...
- - You better hurry home, Daddy.
- 146
- 00:08:57,959 --> 00:08:59,875
- - Alright, try to get some sleep
- on the plane.
- 147
- 00:08:59,959 --> 00:09:00,500
- (taxi honking)
- - I should go.
- 148
- 00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:03,500
- - Okay.
- - Love you.
- 149
- 00:09:04,041 --> 00:09:06,959
- - Um, hello!
- 150
- 00:09:07,250 --> 00:09:08,709
- Dad?
- 151
- 00:09:19,333 --> 00:09:23,208
- It's fine. He's not yours
- anyway! So...
- 152
- 00:09:24,834 --> 00:09:26,041
- - Hi, are you here for Ken?
- 153
- 00:09:26,125 --> 00:09:30,500
- (soft rock music)
- 154
- 00:09:31,667 --> 00:09:35,208
- ♪ A darker gray is breaking
- through a lighter one ♪
- 155
- 00:09:39,542 --> 00:09:41,875
- ♪ A thousand sharpened elbows
- in the underground ♪
- 156
- 00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:50,792
- ♪ That hollowed hurried sound
- of feet on polished floor ♪
- 157
- 00:09:50,875 --> 00:09:54,834
- ♪ And in the dollar store ♪
- 158
- 00:09:54,917 --> 00:09:58,625
- ♪ The clerk is closing up ♪
- 159
- 00:09:58,709 --> 00:10:01,709
- ♪ And counting loonies trying
- not to say ♪
- 160
- 00:10:02,583 --> 00:10:06,083
- ♪ I hate Winnipeg ♪
- 161
- 00:10:07,333 --> 00:10:08,959
- - Are you sure you're doing
- okay?
- 162
- 00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:11,375
- - Yes, you don't have to ask me
- that anymore.
- 163
- 00:10:11,458 --> 00:10:14,250
- It's not like you can miss
- something that was never there
- in the first place.
- 164
- 00:10:14,333 --> 00:10:17,709
- - Don't start.
- - I'm not starting.
- 165
- 00:10:17,792 --> 00:10:20,917
- - I did the best I could.
- - I wasn't talking about you.
- 166
- 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:25,208
- - I worked incredibly hard to
- give you a good, normal home.
- Don't be so sensitive.
- 167
- 00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,875
- - I'm not being sensitive.
- 168
- 00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:28,583
- - You're being defensive.
- 169
- 00:10:29,625 --> 00:10:31,375
- So, how are the bar plans going?
- 170
- 00:10:31,458 --> 00:10:33,959
- - Gastropub, watch out.
- 171
- 00:10:34,041 --> 00:10:38,000
- Uh... kind of on hold.
- I had a space picked out,
- 172
- 00:10:38,083 --> 00:10:40,875
- but money's a little tight
- since the baby came.
- 173
- 00:10:40,959 --> 00:10:44,875
- - It's a shame your father never
- got to meet his grandson.
- 174
- 00:10:44,959 --> 00:10:47,667
- Dare I hope there's a name?
- 175
- 00:10:47,750 --> 00:10:50,000
- - Working on it.
- - For the love of God!
- 176
- 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:53,041
- - Okay, look, it's not like you
- come to visit anyway.
- 177
- 00:10:53,125 --> 00:10:55,375
- - Maybe if I were invited.
- - I shouldn't...
- 178
- 00:10:55,458 --> 00:10:58,083
- (sighing)
- How about next month?
- 179
- 00:10:58,166 --> 00:11:00,750
- - Next month?
- It's our busiest time.
- 180
- 00:11:00,834 --> 00:11:04,125
- - Ah... busiest time in office
- management?
- 181
- 00:11:04,208 --> 00:11:06,625
- - Ah, it's pre-pre tax planning
- season.
- 182
- 00:11:06,709 --> 00:11:10,041
- Plus we have two birthdays
- and a retirement.
- 183
- 00:11:10,125 --> 00:11:12,959
- Can't imagine the mess
- I'd come back to.
- 184
- 00:11:13,041 --> 00:11:14,834
- - Can't imagine.
- 185
- 00:11:17,583 --> 00:11:19,625
- (talk radio, indistinct)
- 186
- 00:11:22,583 --> 00:11:24,000
- - Oh!
- (honking)
- 187
- 00:11:24,083 --> 00:11:26,542
- Wow, my ex-husband is dead.
- 188
- 00:11:26,625 --> 00:11:27,959
- Guess it's my turn next.
- 189
- 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,959
- - That's a happy thought.
- 190
- 00:11:33,750 --> 00:11:37,583
- Are you still... seeing that guy
- with the thing?
- 191
- 00:11:37,667 --> 00:11:38,834
- What's his name? Oscar.
- 192
- 00:11:38,917 --> 00:11:43,041
- - Oscar? No, he and his wife
- moved to Florida.
- 193
- 00:11:44,667 --> 00:11:46,542
- - Huh...
- - I'm joking.
- 194
- 00:11:46,625 --> 00:11:49,291
- He had a stroke.
- Everyone's dying.
- 195
- 00:11:50,834 --> 00:11:54,667
- (tires squealing, car honking)
- - I think it might be...
- - Motherfucker!
- 196
- 00:11:54,750 --> 00:11:55,834
- So, where's the service?
- 197
- 00:11:59,333 --> 00:12:01,542
- Or should I guess?
- 198
- 00:12:01,625 --> 00:12:04,333
- (light music)
- 199
- 00:12:06,208 --> 00:12:08,667
- - Welcome to Niakwa
- Golf and Country.
- 200
- 00:12:08,750 --> 00:12:10,750
- Would you like to sign
- the condolence book?
- 201
- 00:12:10,834 --> 00:12:13,750
- - Oh, uh... sure.
- 202
- 00:12:16,792 --> 00:12:19,000
- Who gets this after?
- 203
- 00:12:19,083 --> 00:12:20,834
- - Uh...
- 204
- 00:12:20,917 --> 00:12:24,709
- It condoles the family.
- Are you related?
- 205
- 00:12:24,792 --> 00:12:29,166
- - I am, yeah. I'm his son.
- - Dude.
- 206
- 00:12:30,041 --> 00:12:33,875
- - Oh, thanks. It's always nice
- to... hear...
- 207
- 00:12:36,041 --> 00:12:38,000
- - Someone wanted to talk to you.
- 208
- 00:12:42,709 --> 00:12:44,417
- Mr. Kendall?
- 209
- 00:12:49,166 --> 00:12:52,125
- - I'm guessing you're Ken?
- Andy's son, hi.
- 210
- 00:12:52,208 --> 00:12:56,792
- Vince Kendall, your dad's
- attorney and part of his
- Friday foursome.
- 211
- 00:12:56,875 --> 00:12:58,083
- - I guess not anymore, though.
- 212
- 00:12:59,750 --> 00:13:01,333
- I don't know why I said that.
- 213
- 00:13:01,417 --> 00:13:02,333
- - Your dad always told me about
- your great sense of humour.
- 214
- 00:13:02,417 --> 00:13:05,041
- - Oh, he did?
- 215
- 00:13:06,166 --> 00:13:09,834
- - Hey! Why don't we go talk
- in the Hazelton room?
- 216
- 00:13:10,917 --> 00:13:12,458
- Yeah, the Hazelton room, named
- after Vic Hazelton,
- 217
- 00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:18,208
- great, great golfer, but an
- even greater alcoholic.
- And a mean alcoholic.
- 218
- 00:13:18,291 --> 00:13:20,208
- - Really?
- - I was afraid of him.
- 219
- 00:13:20,291 --> 00:13:21,250
- He once killed a horse
- with a 9 iron.
- 220
- 00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:24,041
- - Well...
- 221
- 00:13:24,125 --> 00:13:28,166
- So I assume this is about
- my dad's will?
- 222
- 00:13:28,250 --> 00:13:31,709
- - The vultures are three deep
- at the bar, passed apps are
- almost gone.
- 223
- 00:13:31,792 --> 00:13:35,959
- I swear to God. Half those guys
- never even met Andy, but you put
- a pig in a blanket...
- 224
- 00:13:36,041 --> 00:13:40,083
- - Ken, Jeff Stedmon. Jeff's the
- executive of your dad's will.
- Jeff, Ken.
- 225
- 00:13:40,166 --> 00:13:41,166
- - Ken, nice to meet you.
- 226
- 00:13:41,250 --> 00:13:43,083
- I'm sorry about your dad, but
- if I know Andy,
- 227
- 00:13:43,166 --> 00:13:46,875
- he's trying to dig Jesus for a
- 50-dollar Nassau as we speak.
- 228
- 00:13:46,959 --> 00:13:49,000
- (laughing)
- - He would do that,
- wouldn't he?!
- 229
- 00:13:49,083 --> 00:13:53,333
- "Excuse me, Mr. Christ, but
- isn't that a hurricane about to
- hit India?!"
- 230
- 00:13:53,959 --> 00:13:56,625
- - Whoop! Classic Andy
- foot wedge!
- 231
- 00:13:56,709 --> 00:13:58,208
- - I have no idea
- what's happening.
- 232
- 00:13:58,291 --> 00:13:59,750
- - You need a drink.
- - Uh, I'm okay.
- 233
- 00:13:59,834 --> 00:14:00,959
- - I wasn't asking.
- - Oh...
- 234
- 00:14:02,417 --> 00:14:05,250
- - Rachel!
- 235
- 00:14:06,417 --> 00:14:07,625
- Your dad's paying!
- 236
- 00:14:07,709 --> 00:14:11,083
- Open bar, passed apps,
- part of his last will and
- testament.
- 237
- 00:14:11,166 --> 00:14:13,250
- - First and last time he ever
- bought a round.
- 238
- 00:14:13,333 --> 00:14:15,333
- - Rachel, can you get Ken here
- a little something?
- 239
- 00:14:15,417 --> 00:14:18,458
- - Yeah, just a light beer.
- - Kid, it's a wake.
- 240
- 00:14:18,542 --> 00:14:20,792
- Bring him one of these,
- freshen mine up.
- 241
- 00:14:22,333 --> 00:14:23,875
- There's a hole in the glass.
- 242
- 00:14:25,458 --> 00:14:28,000
- - So... shall we get down to it?
- 243
- 00:14:34,834 --> 00:14:37,458
- - You guys do a lot of this
- estate work at the golf course?
- 244
- 00:14:37,542 --> 00:14:39,875
- - Well, business goes where
- business gets done.
- 245
- 00:14:39,959 --> 00:14:42,166
- That's why so many
- Koreans are... Here we go!
- 246
- 00:14:43,625 --> 00:14:46,375
- This is for you.
- 247
- 00:14:49,291 --> 00:14:50,583
- - Oh... this is...
- 248
- 00:14:50,667 --> 00:14:53,458
- - Your dad's ashes.
- 249
- 00:14:56,208 --> 00:14:59,125
- Gentlemen, I am proud to
- present...
- 250
- 00:15:00,875 --> 00:15:03,166
- Andy Wall's final words.
- 251
- 00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:19,208
- - It's slower than a ladies'
- foursome.
- 252
- 00:15:19,291 --> 00:15:21,792
- (Vince chuckling)
- 253
- 00:15:21,875 --> 00:15:26,500
- - My name is Andy Wall,
- and this is my last
- will and testament.
- 254
- 00:15:26,583 --> 00:15:29,083
- Do I say that? Okay.
- 255
- 00:15:29,166 --> 00:15:31,125
- I've only one request
- of my son,
- 256
- 00:15:31,208 --> 00:15:36,333
- and that's that he scatter
- my ashes in the middle of the
- field at Investors Stadium.
- 257
- 00:15:36,417 --> 00:15:40,000
- If he does this, then,
- he gets everything.
- 258
- 00:15:40,083 --> 00:15:42,875
- It's not much, but then,
- when my dad passed,
- 259
- 00:15:42,959 --> 00:15:44,583
- I got shit all, and the
- government took most of that.
- 260
- 00:15:44,667 --> 00:15:47,083
- - That's the feds for you.
- 261
- 00:15:47,166 --> 00:15:49,041
- - Now, if he doesn't get it
- done, well, then,
- 262
- 00:15:49,125 --> 00:15:55,041
- my estate goes to the club
- for the construction of a
- members-only steam room,
- 263
- 00:15:55,125 --> 00:15:57,875
- which could have been done
- last fiscal,
- 264
- 00:15:57,959 --> 00:16:02,125
- but Steve London
- isn't much of an accountant,
- so now, it's up to me.
- 265
- 00:16:02,208 --> 00:16:05,542
- - Boy, do not get him started
- on Steve London.
- 266
- 00:16:05,625 --> 00:16:08,875
- - And it has to be done within
- two days of my service.
- 267
- 00:16:08,959 --> 00:16:11,291
- I don't wanna sit
- on some shelf
- somewhere while my son
- 268
- 00:16:11,375 --> 00:16:15,250
- slaps his dick
- around trying to
- figure out what's what.
- 269
- 00:16:15,333 --> 00:16:16,333
- (Jeff and Vince laughing)
- 270
- 00:16:16,417 --> 00:16:17,959
- Uh, Vince has the details
- 271
- 00:16:18,041 --> 00:16:23,250
- and Jeff'll make sure it gets
- done before the money
- gets handed over.
- 272
- 00:16:23,333 --> 00:16:25,542
- Okay, that's it.
- 273
- 00:16:25,625 --> 00:16:29,083
- Would you... go find that
- oriental nurse, you know,
- the one with the--
- 274
- 00:16:33,625 --> 00:16:36,458
- - Why did he look like that?
- I thought he had an aneurysm?
- 275
- 00:16:36,542 --> 00:16:39,959
- - Well, the aneurysm was one
- of the side effects of
- the lung cancer.
- 276
- 00:16:40,041 --> 00:16:40,959
- - Lung cancer?
- 277
- 00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:43,375
- - And a lifetime of
- self-medicating.
- 278
- 00:16:43,458 --> 00:16:45,417
- - Yeah, we all thought his liver
- would go first.
- 279
- 00:16:45,500 --> 00:16:47,417
- - Yeah, he never even got
- to the chemo, you know.
- 280
- 00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:50,083
- By the time he got his saggy
- ass to the doctor,
- 281
- 00:16:50,166 --> 00:16:52,291
- he was already line seven with a
- marshal up his ass.
- 282
- 00:16:52,375 --> 00:16:55,041
- - Nothing to do but pick up
- and head in...
- 283
- 00:16:55,125 --> 00:16:57,959
- to that 19th hole in the sky.
- 284
- 00:16:58,041 --> 00:17:01,083
- - Golf terms.
- (Vince): Golf terms.
- (Jeff): Mm-hmm.
- 285
- 00:17:01,166 --> 00:17:02,750
- - Any questions?
- 286
- 00:17:02,834 --> 00:17:03,750
- - Well, uh...
- - Thanks, Rachel.
- 287
- 00:17:03,834 --> 00:17:06,417
- - A few, yeah. Um...
- 288
- 00:17:06,500 --> 00:17:09,959
- - We really don't amount to
- much in the end, do we?
- 289
- 00:17:10,041 --> 00:17:14,667
- - Why would... why would he want
- his ashes scattered at Investors
- Stadium?
- 290
- 00:17:14,750 --> 00:17:17,041
- - It was his only request.
- 291
- 00:17:17,125 --> 00:17:19,041
- - That and the open bar!
- - And the passed apps.
- 292
- 00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:20,959
- - And the estate...?
- 293
- 00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:24,000
- - I'm not allowed to tell you
- the amount until it's all done.
- 294
- 00:17:24,083 --> 00:17:28,208
- - 40 years in sales. God, that
- bastard knew how to incentivize.
- 295
- 00:17:31,667 --> 00:17:34,208
- (Ken): Uh... how would I even...
- 296
- 00:17:35,125 --> 00:17:37,083
- - Look, we're not gonna
- force you.
- 297
- 00:17:37,166 --> 00:17:38,959
- - No one's got a gun
- to your head.
- - This is not China.
- 298
- 00:17:39,041 --> 00:17:40,250
- - I read a thing, when the next
- generation of this country
- 299
- 00:17:40,333 --> 00:17:42,667
- is gonna come out the chute
- speaking Mandarin.
- 300
- 00:17:42,750 --> 00:17:45,125
- - Really?
- - Listen, I have...
- 301
- 00:17:45,208 --> 00:17:47,625
- a lot of stuff on my plate
- right now, uh...
- 302
- 00:17:47,709 --> 00:17:49,917
- Could I have a little time
- to think about it?
- 303
- 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,458
- - Of course, absolutely.
- 304
- 00:17:51,542 --> 00:17:53,750
- Though we should get this show
- on the road.
- 305
- 00:17:53,834 --> 00:17:56,000
- Some mourners have
- their T-times.
- 306
- 00:17:56,083 --> 00:17:59,458
- Not that they'd walk or
- anything, but your dad really
- hated slow play.
- 307
- 00:17:59,542 --> 00:18:03,375
- - "While we're young!"
- - He said that a lot.
- (chuckling)
- 308
- 00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:05,542
- - Rest in peace.
- 309
- 00:18:07,417 --> 00:18:09,125
- Shall we go?
- - Yeah.
- 310
- 00:18:11,333 --> 00:18:14,417
- - Well, I'd like to thank
- everyone for coming
- 311
- 00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:18,375
- to this celebration of life.
- 312
- 00:18:18,458 --> 00:18:21,250
- The other day, we lost a friend,
- a colleague,
- 313
- 00:18:21,333 --> 00:18:24,333
- and a man who couldn't hit a
- 7-iron to save his life.
- 314
- 00:18:24,417 --> 00:18:26,041
- (scattered laughs)
- 315
- 00:18:26,125 --> 00:18:29,250
- So to that end, we are putting
- Andy's name on a plaque,
- 316
- 00:18:29,333 --> 00:18:32,333
- on the ball washer on Number 9,
- Andy's favourite hole.
- 317
- 00:18:32,417 --> 00:18:34,667
- - Not his favourite!
- - Yeah, okay.
- 318
- 00:18:34,750 --> 00:18:40,166
- - My fondest memory of Andy was
- when he hit a wedge off a tree
- 319
- 00:18:40,250 --> 00:18:44,166
- and it landed in that tiny
- hollow where a pipe was broken.
- 320
- 00:18:44,250 --> 00:18:48,291
- And he wanted to call it...
- ground under repair.
- 321
- 00:18:48,375 --> 00:18:50,125
- But...
- (chuckling)
- 322
- 00:18:50,208 --> 00:18:53,291
- - Serving on the logistics
- committee is a thankless task.
- 323
- 00:18:53,375 --> 00:18:56,375
- But Andy was always good about
- stepping up.
- 324
- 00:18:56,458 --> 00:18:57,417
- (phone chiming)
- Oh!
- 325
- 00:18:59,709 --> 00:19:04,500
- - The specialty ad game is more
- than just logos on pens.
- 326
- 00:19:04,583 --> 00:19:05,375
- And he knew that.
- 327
- 00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:09,166
- He got that.
- 328
- 00:19:10,458 --> 00:19:14,417
- - We said, "Andy, that's not
- ground under repair.
- 329
- 00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:17,125
- That's a water hazard!"
- 330
- 00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:23,166
- - Uh... so when you see the new
- compressed air spikes cleaner,
- 331
- 00:19:23,250 --> 00:19:26,083
- you should know
- Andy fought for that.
- 332
- 00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:30,583
- Also, Spring Fling tickets
- are now on sale. Thank you.
- 333
- 00:19:32,542 --> 00:19:34,917
- - Now, some of you
- may know that...
- 334
- 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:38,500
- Andy left behind a son.
- 335
- 00:19:38,583 --> 00:19:40,709
- Ken.
- 336
- 00:19:40,792 --> 00:19:42,458
- Ken, would you stand for the
- people?
- 337
- 00:19:45,792 --> 00:19:47,750
- And now, Ken's gonna
- say a few words.
- 338
- 00:20:01,750 --> 00:20:04,250
- - Hello.
- 339
- 00:20:04,333 --> 00:20:07,083
- Uh... I didn't really
- prepare anything,
- 340
- 00:20:07,166 --> 00:20:11,208
- so I'm not sure why I'm looking
- through my jacket...
- 341
- 00:20:11,291 --> 00:20:13,125
- Wow...
- 342
- 00:20:13,208 --> 00:20:16,375
- Uh, what can I say about my dad?
- 343
- 00:20:16,458 --> 00:20:18,625
- Well, he...
- Oh!
- 344
- 00:20:18,709 --> 00:20:20,208
- Thank you.
- 345
- 00:20:20,291 --> 00:20:23,333
- - The apple doesn't fall far
- from the tree!
- 346
- 00:20:23,417 --> 00:20:24,458
- (chuckling)
- 347
- 00:20:25,542 --> 00:20:31,583
- - Last time I saw him was
- at my wedding five years ago.
- 348
- 00:20:31,667 --> 00:20:33,291
- He flew in late and left early.
- 349
- 00:20:33,375 --> 00:20:38,375
- Last time I talked to him was
- last Christmas.
- 350
- 00:20:38,458 --> 00:20:40,834
- Yeah, well...
- I tried to talk to him.
- 351
- 00:20:40,917 --> 00:20:46,125
- If you called after 4,
- you really never knew
- what you were gonna get.
- 352
- 00:20:46,208 --> 00:20:47,500
- (scoffing)
- 353
- 00:20:49,709 --> 00:20:51,250
- My dad was, uh...
- 354
- 00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:53,542
- He was...
- 355
- 00:20:54,917 --> 00:20:57,500
- He worked a lot.
- 356
- 00:20:58,583 --> 00:21:01,542
- He... must've liked his job.
- 357
- 00:21:01,625 --> 00:21:06,375
- He always paid his child
- support on time. I think.
- 358
- 00:21:07,834 --> 00:21:10,166
- He loved golf,
- 359
- 00:21:10,250 --> 00:21:10,834
- probably more than...
- 360
- 00:21:10,917 --> 00:21:14,250
- anything, really.
- 361
- 00:21:16,041 --> 00:21:18,834
- I remember...
- 362
- 00:21:18,917 --> 00:21:23,000
- he used to love
- telling this one joke
- 363
- 00:21:23,083 --> 00:21:25,667
- when I was a kid, over and over.
- 364
- 00:21:26,583 --> 00:21:31,333
- It was about this golfer who got
- home late
- 365
- 00:21:31,417 --> 00:21:36,375
- and his wife was worried, upset.
- 366
- 00:21:36,458 --> 00:21:40,542
- And the golfer explained
- that on the...
- 367
- 00:21:40,625 --> 00:21:45,959
- on the course, one of the
- foursome had a heart attack
- and died.
- 368
- 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:50,291
- Yeah... Uh...
- 369
- 00:21:50,375 --> 00:21:53,417
- And the wife says, "Wow, that's
- awful."
- 370
- 00:21:53,500 --> 00:21:58,375
- And then the husband says,
- "Yeah, it was terrible.
- 371
- 00:21:58,458 --> 00:22:01,375
- Just... just terrible.
- 372
- 00:22:01,458 --> 00:22:06,625
- The rest of the day was just:
- Hit your ball, drag Walter.
- 373
- 00:22:08,667 --> 00:22:10,834
- Hit your ball, drag Walter."
- 374
- 00:22:11,375 --> 00:22:14,542
- (scattered laughs)
- 375
- 00:22:16,667 --> 00:22:18,792
- Here's to you, Dad.
- 376
- 00:22:18,875 --> 00:22:22,375
- I may not have known you well,
- but... you brought me into this
- world,
- 377
- 00:22:22,458 --> 00:22:24,667
- served on some committees,
- 378
- 00:22:25,500 --> 00:22:28,792
- and the ninth hole was
- your favourite.
- 379
- 00:22:28,875 --> 00:22:30,667
- One man's legacy. Cheers.
- 380
- 00:22:39,500 --> 00:22:41,250
- - Thank you, Ken.
- 381
- 00:22:41,333 --> 00:22:45,583
- Well, there's gonna be a brief
- PowerPoint presentation,
- 382
- 00:22:45,667 --> 00:22:48,834
- and then, in honour of Andy,
- we can all go stand
- in the sand trap.
- 383
- 00:22:49,834 --> 00:22:51,083
- Rachel, would you grab
- the lights?
- 384
- 00:22:51,166 --> 00:22:54,083
- (country rock music)
- 385
- 00:22:54,166 --> 00:22:56,417
- ♪ There's one pet
- I like to pet ♪
- 386
- 00:22:56,500 --> 00:22:58,709
- ♪ And every evening we get set ♪
- 387
- 00:22:58,792 --> 00:23:00,125
- ♪ I stroke it every chance
- I get ♪
- 388
- 00:23:00,208 --> 00:23:03,458
- ♪ It's my girl's pussy ♪
- 389
- 00:23:03,542 --> 00:23:05,917
- ♪ Seldom plays and never purrs ♪
- 390
- 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:07,959
- ♪ And I love the thoughts
- it stirs ♪
- 391
- 00:23:08,041 --> 00:23:10,500
- ♪ But I don't mind
- because it's hers ♪
- 392
- 00:23:10,583 --> 00:23:13,000
- ♪ It's my girl's pussy ♪
- 393
- 00:23:16,500 --> 00:23:17,667
- Well, it was quite a speech.
- 394
- 00:23:19,667 --> 00:23:21,375
- - I don't even know why I came
- back for this.
- 395
- 00:23:21,458 --> 00:23:24,542
- - Yeah, it's a gut-punch
- to the nads alright.
- 396
- 00:23:25,542 --> 00:23:28,625
- Say, how's your mom?
- I thought she might come.
- 397
- 00:23:28,709 --> 00:23:31,458
- - Guy disappears from my life
- for 20 years and expects me
- 398
- 00:23:31,542 --> 00:23:34,959
- just to... grant his final wish.
- 399
- 00:23:35,041 --> 00:23:39,458
- - You wanna know why he wants
- his ashes scattered on
- the field?
- 400
- 00:23:39,542 --> 00:23:41,333
- - It's not like he was a fan.
- 401
- 00:23:41,417 --> 00:23:43,875
- Didn't go to the games.
- 402
- 00:23:43,959 --> 00:23:45,583
- Didn't go anywhere.
- 403
- 00:23:46,583 --> 00:23:49,458
- - He had season tickets
- before you were born.
- 404
- 00:23:49,542 --> 00:23:51,041
- - What?
- - Yeah, and then,
- 405
- 00:23:51,125 --> 00:23:54,875
- you came along and...
- you know, he just...
- 406
- 00:23:54,959 --> 00:23:59,375
- He let them go.
- You know, said it was just too
- expensive with a kid and all.
- 407
- 00:23:59,458 --> 00:24:00,709
- And it broke his heart.
- 408
- 00:24:00,792 --> 00:24:03,792
- But he never went
- to another game. For you.
- 409
- 00:24:05,542 --> 00:24:06,583
- - Is that true?
- 410
- 00:24:07,750 --> 00:24:09,917
- (Vince): Hey!
- 411
- 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,625
- - Your dad came from a
- generation that knew
- 412
- 00:24:11,709 --> 00:24:15,291
- how to sacrifice without
- putting it on Facebook.
- 413
- 00:24:15,375 --> 00:24:18,000
- Hey, everybody,
- I'm selfie-ing myself
- washing oil off an owl.
- 414
- 00:24:18,083 --> 00:24:20,625
- Give me a thumbs up and
- a government grant.
- 415
- 00:24:20,709 --> 00:24:24,709
- - I hate to rush you, Ken,
- but I have some other legal
- stuff that I should attend to.
- 416
- 00:24:24,792 --> 00:24:25,667
- - Oh, yeah. Uh...
- 417
- 00:24:25,750 --> 00:24:28,709
- Listen, I'm... I'm sorry, guys,
- but--
- 418
- 00:24:28,792 --> 00:24:30,875
- - Look, kid, I know how you
- feel, but...
- 419
- 00:24:30,959 --> 00:24:32,875
- trust me, it'll be worth
- your while.
- 420
- 00:24:32,959 --> 00:24:35,542
- - Jeff, the legal terms of
- Andy's will quite clearly
- state--
- 421
- 00:24:35,625 --> 00:24:38,542
- - The legal terms can lick
- my shitter.
- 422
- 00:24:38,625 --> 00:24:41,542
- You want it done or not?
- - Yes I want it done.
- 423
- 00:24:41,625 --> 00:24:43,875
- And you know what,
- with no funny stuff--
- - Oh, here we go!
- 424
- 00:24:43,959 --> 00:24:46,041
- Happens every time.
- Five drinks in, never fails.
- 425
- 00:24:46,125 --> 00:24:48,000
- - You know what the odds are
- of the same person
- 426
- 00:24:48,083 --> 00:24:52,041
- winning the three main prizes
- at the Spring Fling Raffle lot?
- 427
- 00:24:52,125 --> 00:24:54,875
- - You know, why don't you
- just come out and say it?
- 428
- 00:24:54,959 --> 00:24:57,000
- Say you think
- I rigged the draw.
- 429
- 00:24:57,083 --> 00:24:59,709
- - If the Boneco 7114
- humidifier fits!
- 430
- 00:24:59,792 --> 00:25:00,875
- (man screaming): Ball!
- 431
- 00:25:00,959 --> 00:25:02,792
- (ball clanking)
- - What the...?
- 432
- 00:25:02,875 --> 00:25:04,667
- (both): Marty.
- 433
- 00:25:04,750 --> 00:25:08,917
- - Hey, we're trying to play
- through here! Am I right, guys?
- 434
- 00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:10,083
- - No, that's not right.
- 435
- 00:25:10,166 --> 00:25:11,750
- - No, we're standing
- on a bridge.
- 436
- 00:25:11,834 --> 00:25:13,875
- - This... this is not part of
- the course.
- 437
- 00:25:14,750 --> 00:25:16,500
- - Can we just rewind a little?
- What were you saying there?
- 438
- 00:25:16,583 --> 00:25:21,875
- - I'm just saying it could go a
- long way towards setting up a
- young family. You know?
- 439
- 00:25:21,959 --> 00:25:24,083
- Well, unless you want your kid
- to end up like Vinnie's.
- 440
- 00:25:24,166 --> 00:25:25,125
- One felon and
- one felon in training.
- 441
- 00:25:25,208 --> 00:25:27,291
- What? Tell me I'm wrong.
- 442
- 00:25:27,375 --> 00:25:28,667
- - Look, my oldest is...
- 443
- 00:25:32,083 --> 00:25:34,750
- ...is truly awful.
- 444
- 00:25:34,834 --> 00:25:36,500
- Even the social worker says so.
- - Yeah, lot of good she did.
- 445
- 00:25:36,583 --> 00:25:39,500
- I'm from the government,
- I'm here to help.
- 446
- 00:25:39,583 --> 00:25:43,000
- - She says that
- some teens just...
- like to show it in public.
- 447
- 00:25:43,083 --> 00:25:47,500
- There's nothing you can do other
- than hope they grow out of it.
- 448
- 00:25:47,583 --> 00:25:51,875
- Does your kid, uh... unzip his
- fly and run through the
- school yelling:
- 449
- 00:25:51,959 --> 00:25:54,625
- "I'm the teacher,
- I'm the teacher!
- Learn this! Learn this!"
- 450
- 00:25:54,709 --> 00:25:57,959
- Does your kid...?
- Is that a normal kid thing...
- 451
- 00:25:58,041 --> 00:26:01,208
- - Well, he's just a baby. So...
- 452
- 00:26:03,875 --> 00:26:07,125
- - Okay, fine. Tell him.
- (Jeff sighing)
- 453
- 00:26:07,208 --> 00:26:10,792
- But the two-day timeline,
- consider that carved in stone!
- 454
- 00:26:10,875 --> 00:26:12,291
- - Ah...
- - Oh, and I will also require
- 455
- 00:26:12,375 --> 00:26:17,792
- what we call in the law business
- evidence of disposal
- of human remains.
- 456
- 00:26:19,208 --> 00:26:21,417
- - What do they call it outside
- the law business?
- 457
- 00:26:22,208 --> 00:26:24,542
- - Lots of things.
- There's lots of names for it.
- 458
- 00:26:24,625 --> 00:26:27,500
- - Holy shit! $200,000?!
- - I know!
- 459
- 00:26:27,583 --> 00:26:30,709
- All I have to do is take
- the ashes and scatter them
- on a football field.
- 460
- 00:26:30,792 --> 00:26:33,125
- - College fund, hello!
- 461
- 00:26:33,208 --> 00:26:35,709
- - I know, that's what
- I was thinking.
- 462
- 00:26:35,792 --> 00:26:38,542
- Plus, we now can really talk
- about the other thing that we
- were, you know, were gonna do.
- 463
- 00:26:40,041 --> 00:26:43,500
- - What other thing?
- The gastropub thing?
- That's still on the table?
- 464
- 00:26:43,583 --> 00:26:45,000
- - Of course,
- it's still on the table.
- 465
- 00:26:45,083 --> 00:26:47,583
- Why would that not
- be on the table?
- 466
- 00:26:47,667 --> 00:26:49,792
- Just because there's
- a kid at the table now?
- 467
- 00:26:49,875 --> 00:26:51,250
- - Okay, easy, Cranky Pants.
- 468
- 00:26:51,333 --> 00:26:52,667
- I had to put some stuff
- on hold too, you know.
- 469
- 00:26:52,750 --> 00:26:55,917
- (Ken sighing)
- - I know. I'm sorry. It's...
- 470
- 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:58,875
- you know, still dealing with
- a death in the family.
- 471
- 00:26:58,959 --> 00:27:01,667
- - Hmm. Still milking that,
- are we?
- 472
- 00:27:01,750 --> 00:27:07,333
- - Okay. You realize that
- there's a half-naked man
- behind you holding our baby.
- 473
- 00:27:07,417 --> 00:27:09,750
- - Yeah. I just needed a break.
- 474
- 00:27:09,834 --> 00:27:10,834
- - Hmm.
- 475
- 00:27:10,917 --> 00:27:12,750
- Did his shirt need a break too?
- 476
- 00:27:12,834 --> 00:27:16,542
- - It's covered in your son's
- puke. Not that I mind.
- 477
- 00:27:16,625 --> 00:27:20,709
- - Hmm. You're lucky that
- I am very secure.
- 478
- 00:27:20,792 --> 00:27:22,250
- - Hmm?
- 479
- 00:27:22,333 --> 00:27:25,667
- Nothing wrong with looking,
- is there, Mr. Clear Browser
- History?
- 480
- 00:27:25,750 --> 00:27:29,166
- Hey, um...
- wanna see somethin'?
- 481
- 00:27:30,667 --> 00:27:33,041
- - Yeah, sure, I mean,
- is it okay?
- 482
- 00:27:33,125 --> 00:27:35,834
- Oh!
- 483
- 00:27:35,917 --> 00:27:39,166
- - Does this look normal to you?
- 'Cause the Internet says it is,
- but I do not think so.
- 484
- 00:27:39,250 --> 00:27:42,542
- - No, it does not look normal!
- What's wrong with you?
- 485
- 00:27:42,625 --> 00:27:44,750
- (chuckling): Trust me,
- it's even worse in person.
- 486
- 00:27:44,834 --> 00:27:45,709
- - Alright. You know what?
- I have to go.
- 487
- 00:27:45,792 --> 00:27:49,083
- Love you.
- - Yeah, you fucking better.
- 488
- 00:27:49,166 --> 00:27:52,125
- 'Cause he's great
- with our kid
- and I bet I can flip him.
- 489
- 00:27:52,208 --> 00:27:56,125
- (mother chatting on the phone)
- 490
- 00:27:56,208 --> 00:27:59,667
- You have an appointment
- with the team's PR person
- at 10 a.m. tomorrow.
- 491
- 00:27:59,750 --> 00:28:04,083
- - Uh, okay.
- What did you tell them?
- 492
- 00:28:04,166 --> 00:28:07,125
- - That you wanted to discuss a
- donation...
- 493
- 00:28:07,208 --> 00:28:08,291
- ...which was kind of true.
- 494
- 00:28:08,375 --> 00:28:11,000
- - Thanks, Mom.
- 495
- 00:28:11,083 --> 00:28:15,750
- Hey, did you know that Dad used
- to have season tickets?
- 496
- 00:28:17,333 --> 00:28:18,291
- - I did.
- 497
- 00:28:18,375 --> 00:28:22,041
- - Oh.
- - Andy...
- 498
- 00:28:22,125 --> 00:28:25,875
- - Did I know that?
- - Ashes to ashes...
- 499
- 00:28:25,959 --> 00:28:28,083
- Whoa!
- - Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- 500
- 00:28:28,166 --> 00:28:29,625
- - Oopsie, all good. Easy fix.
- 501
- 00:28:29,709 --> 00:28:33,041
- - Easy fix!? There's like,
- what's equivalent to a foot
- on the floor now.
- 502
- 00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:37,625
- - It comes at you faster than
- you think, you know.
- 503
- 00:28:37,709 --> 00:28:40,959
- I hope I'm not all alone
- at the end.
- 504
- 00:28:41,041 --> 00:28:43,125
- - You're not gonna be alone,
- Mom.
- 505
- 00:28:43,208 --> 00:28:47,750
- - My son moved to another city,
- my husband is in a plastic bag.
- 506
- 00:28:47,834 --> 00:28:49,083
- - Ex-husband! Who you hated.
- 507
- 00:28:49,166 --> 00:28:54,125
- - Who stole the best years of
- my life and wore me out,
- 508
- 00:28:54,208 --> 00:28:55,583
- so nobody else
- would ever want me.
- 509
- 00:28:55,667 --> 00:29:01,041
- "Oh, I got time." You get
- pregnant at 19, you do what
- you have to...
- 510
- 00:29:01,125 --> 00:29:03,667
- Ah-ha!
- 511
- 00:29:04,583 --> 00:29:07,333
- These never tear.
- - Ah...
- 512
- 00:29:07,417 --> 00:29:11,208
- Okay, let's move Dad over here.
- 513
- 00:29:14,500 --> 00:29:16,834
- Let's just...
- - There's a lot of him.
- 514
- 00:29:16,917 --> 00:29:20,125
- - Mm-hmm.
- - I feel like a drug dealer.
- 515
- 00:29:22,417 --> 00:29:24,959
- - So here's something I was
- always curious about.
- 516
- 00:29:26,750 --> 00:29:29,959
- When did you know that you and
- Dad weren't gonna work out?
- 517
- 00:29:30,041 --> 00:29:32,000
- - Why do you ask?
- 518
- 00:29:32,083 --> 00:29:34,250
- - Uh... just wondering.
- 519
- 00:29:36,041 --> 00:29:39,750
- - I'd have to say the second day
- of our honeymoon.
- 520
- 00:29:41,917 --> 00:29:46,083
- Do you remember that
- popsicle-stick fort we made
- when you were in grade school?
- 521
- 00:29:47,834 --> 00:29:48,917
- It's fun doing activities.
- 522
- 00:29:50,792 --> 00:29:52,208
- Go on.
- 523
- 00:29:52,291 --> 00:29:55,000
- (phone alarm ringing)
- 524
- 00:30:11,458 --> 00:30:14,750
- - You go in the backseat
- in there, Dad.
- 525
- 00:30:16,834 --> 00:30:18,083
- (sighing)
- 526
- 00:30:39,458 --> 00:30:41,166
- (phone ringing)
- 527
- 00:30:54,834 --> 00:30:56,333
- Hello.
- 528
- 00:30:56,417 --> 00:31:01,250
- - Hey, it's Jeff. What number
- came up when you got this?
- 529
- 00:31:01,333 --> 00:31:04,250
- - What... what... my dad's!
- What number you think came up?
- 530
- 00:31:04,333 --> 00:31:07,000
- - Yeah, okay, yeah. Well,
- he said I could
- have his phone.
- 531
- 00:31:07,083 --> 00:31:11,709
- So I got some roll-over minutes
- to use up before I switch
- the number. Where are you?
- 532
- 00:31:11,792 --> 00:31:14,333
- - I'm at the Stadium.
- - Wow!
- 533
- 00:31:14,417 --> 00:31:17,291
- Just remember, we need
- a picture, evidence
- or some shit.
- 534
- 00:31:17,375 --> 00:31:18,959
- And there's a box of stuff
- for you at your dad's house.
- 535
- 00:31:19,041 --> 00:31:23,250
- - Yeah, I'll swing by after.
- Probably...
- 536
- 00:31:24,458 --> 00:31:26,291
- I just realize I don't even know
- where he lived.
- 537
- 00:31:26,375 --> 00:31:28,917
- - I'll send you the address.
- I can meet you there.
- 538
- 00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:34,125
- If you get there first,
- he keeps the key under
- a rusty can by the back door.
- 539
- 00:31:34,208 --> 00:31:35,250
- - Rusty can. Alright.
- 540
- 00:31:35,333 --> 00:31:37,208
- - Lady, I know there's no phone
- at the tables--
- 541
- 00:31:43,875 --> 00:31:46,542
- (soft music)
- 542
- 00:32:01,959 --> 00:32:03,166
- - Hello!
- 543
- 00:32:05,083 --> 00:32:07,083
- Hi, are you Ken?
- 544
- 00:32:07,166 --> 00:32:10,166
- - Ah, yes.
- - I'm Katherine. Hi.
- 545
- 00:32:10,250 --> 00:32:13,000
- Your assistant said on the phone
- your father recently passed.
- 546
- 00:32:13,083 --> 00:32:14,667
- I'm so sorry for your loss.
- - Thank you.
- 547
- 00:32:14,750 --> 00:32:19,208
- - Have you considered a
- contribution in your father's
- name to our Foundation?
- 548
- 00:32:19,291 --> 00:32:23,458
- You know, we can actually put
- his name on a brick
- 549
- 00:32:23,542 --> 00:32:24,750
- on our Wall of Super Fans.
- 550
- 00:32:24,834 --> 00:32:29,166
- - Well, that's kind of why I'm
- here. Now this may sound odd,
- 551
- 00:32:29,250 --> 00:32:34,500
- but my dad really wanted his
- ashes scattered on the field.
- 552
- 00:32:34,583 --> 00:32:38,041
- - Hmm...
- - Your field.
- 553
- 00:32:38,125 --> 00:32:39,041
- - Hmm...
- 554
- 00:32:42,458 --> 00:32:44,125
- - That one.
- 555
- 00:32:46,208 --> 00:32:48,917
- - I totally understand and
- we can't do that.
- 556
- 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:52,125
- Just health issues for
- the players, coaches, staff...
- 557
- 00:32:53,208 --> 00:32:57,208
- - And I thought of that,
- so what if, in addition
- to a sizeable donation,
- 558
- 00:32:57,291 --> 00:33:01,083
- I had a professional cleaning
- service come in with a...
- 559
- 00:33:01,166 --> 00:33:04,542
- you know, like a Shop-Vac?
- Or something better.
- 560
- 00:33:04,625 --> 00:33:07,500
- So that I could just, you know,
- get a picture with the ashes
- 561
- 00:33:07,583 --> 00:33:09,000
- being scattered or placed.
- - Right.
- 562
- 00:33:09,083 --> 00:33:12,375
- - And they can vacuum up
- everything and...
- 563
- 00:33:12,458 --> 00:33:14,417
- like we were never here.
- - Right, right.
- 564
- 00:33:14,500 --> 00:33:18,125
- Yeah, no, we can't do that.
- It's just... it's club policy.
- 565
- 00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:23,458
- - Really? Do you really get
- that request enough that
- there's a rule?
- 566
- 00:33:23,542 --> 00:33:28,500
- - Well, I mean, anything that's
- not authorized is considered
- unauthorized, so...
- 567
- 00:33:28,583 --> 00:33:30,083
- - Mm-hmm! Right.
- 568
- 00:33:30,166 --> 00:33:33,250
- So what if this one time...
- you just...
- 569
- 00:33:33,333 --> 00:33:36,041
- authorize something that
- was unauthorized?
- 570
- 00:33:36,125 --> 00:33:39,000
- - I'm not authorized, yeah.
- 571
- 00:33:39,083 --> 00:33:43,959
- - Could I speak to someone
- who is?
- 572
- 00:33:44,041 --> 00:33:45,250
- - You know, why don't you send
- us an email?
- 573
- 00:33:48,375 --> 00:33:51,250
- Now, is there anything else
- I can help you with?
- 574
- 00:33:51,709 --> 00:33:55,375
- - Well... no.
- 575
- 00:33:55,458 --> 00:33:57,875
- - All the best. Yeah, again,
- 576
- 00:33:57,959 --> 00:34:00,208
- sorry for your loss.
- - Thank you.
- 577
- 00:34:07,709 --> 00:34:10,333
- (soft music)
- 578
- 00:34:10,417 --> 00:34:13,125
- (phone ringing)
- 579
- 00:34:13,208 --> 00:34:18,000
- Yeah?
- - Hey, buddy, it's your boss.
- 580
- 00:34:18,083 --> 00:34:20,250
- Just wanted to see
- how the funeral went.
- 581
- 00:34:20,333 --> 00:34:24,458
- - It went... about as well as
- could be expected.
- 582
- 00:34:24,542 --> 00:34:25,875
- - Oh, great, awesome.
- 583
- 00:34:25,959 --> 00:34:30,125
- So, hey, any progress
- on the old PP,
- Senor El Power Pointo?
- 584
- 00:34:30,208 --> 00:34:34,625
- I hate to ask, but it's...
- crazy around here.
- 585
- 00:34:34,709 --> 00:34:35,792
- We're down a guy,
- so it's nuts.
- 586
- 00:34:35,875 --> 00:34:38,625
- - Uh... I'm working on it.
- 587
- 00:34:38,709 --> 00:34:41,458
- - Listen, you do what you need
- for you first, okay?
- 588
- 00:34:41,542 --> 00:34:44,458
- Just let me know later today.
- 589
- 00:34:44,542 --> 00:34:47,208
- - Yeah. Alright.
- 590
- 00:34:56,375 --> 00:34:59,375
- (soft music)
- 591
- 00:35:15,792 --> 00:35:20,625
- (metal clanging)
- 592
- 00:35:28,709 --> 00:35:31,750
- (grunting)
- 593
- 00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:52,333
- - Hey.
- - Oh, shit!
- 594
- 00:35:52,417 --> 00:35:53,542
- Hey, man.
- 595
- 00:35:53,625 --> 00:35:56,125
- - What the hell you think
- you're doing?
- 596
- 00:35:56,208 --> 00:36:00,000
- - Uh, yeah. Funny story.
- Actually, I was just...
- 597
- 00:36:00,083 --> 00:36:03,458
- meeting with your PR department.
- 598
- 00:36:03,542 --> 00:36:07,291
- - Get off the gate, nutjob.
- - Yeah, I got you.
- 599
- 00:36:07,375 --> 00:36:10,500
- Um... If you could just hand me
- my... my bag real quick.
- 600
- 00:36:12,542 --> 00:36:13,458
- - What's in it?
- 601
- 00:36:15,375 --> 00:36:17,166
- You got a bomb in here?
- 602
- 00:36:17,250 --> 00:36:22,250
- Is this some alt-right
- false flag operation?
- 603
- 00:36:22,333 --> 00:36:25,333
- - What, no? No flags...
- 604
- 00:36:25,417 --> 00:36:28,208
- No, no, no, don't open that,
- please.
- 605
- 00:36:28,291 --> 00:36:29,417
- - I think I better get the cops.
- 606
- 00:36:31,750 --> 00:36:33,291
- - Wait, wait, wait, no!
- It's my dad.
- 607
- 00:36:35,125 --> 00:36:36,542
- It's my dead dad.
- It's his ashes.
- 608
- 00:36:36,625 --> 00:36:37,834
- - Don't play me, kid.
- - I'm not playing you.
- 609
- 00:36:37,917 --> 00:36:41,458
- - How do I know you're just not
- some jock-sniffing pervert?
- 610
- 00:36:43,166 --> 00:36:45,500
- - Well, I mean...
- 611
- 00:36:45,583 --> 00:36:48,583
- It's kinda hard
- to prove a negative.
- 612
- 00:36:48,667 --> 00:36:52,250
- Is that a big problem around
- here? Jock sniffers?
- 613
- 00:36:53,083 --> 00:36:54,709
- - I've seen some things.
- 614
- 00:36:55,834 --> 00:37:00,333
- - Huh.
- - Would you mind getting off
- my gate, please?
- 615
- 00:37:00,417 --> 00:37:02,500
- - Yeah. Yes, absolutely.
- 616
- 00:37:05,625 --> 00:37:07,542
- Alright, here I go.
- 617
- 00:37:07,625 --> 00:37:10,625
- Okay.
- 618
- 00:37:10,709 --> 00:37:13,583
- Just hand me my bag, please.
- - Sure.
- 619
- 00:37:14,709 --> 00:37:16,583
- What's it worth to you?
- 620
- 00:37:17,792 --> 00:37:21,000
- - How's 20 bucks?
- 621
- 00:37:21,083 --> 00:37:23,500
- - Deal.
- - Alright.
- 622
- 00:37:26,750 --> 00:37:29,333
- Or... uh...
- 623
- 00:37:29,417 --> 00:37:31,166
- how about...
- 624
- 00:37:31,250 --> 00:37:33,333
- I give you everything in my
- wallet
- 625
- 00:37:33,417 --> 00:37:38,375
- if you just take those ashes
- and sprinkle them at midfield?
- 626
- 00:37:39,917 --> 00:37:41,792
- - How much is everything?
- 627
- 00:37:44,375 --> 00:37:45,500
- - I got...
- 628
- 00:37:45,583 --> 00:37:49,333
- 20... 40... 50...
- 629
- 00:37:50,583 --> 00:37:53,458
- I can head to an ATM.
- - No!
- 630
- 00:37:54,834 --> 00:37:57,417
- Better off no paper trail.
- 631
- 00:37:57,500 --> 00:37:59,333
- These guys'll be done in a
- couple hours.
- 632
- 00:37:59,417 --> 00:38:03,208
- I'm already off,
- but I'll come back.
- 633
- 00:38:03,291 --> 00:38:04,500
- - Perfect.
- 634
- 00:38:04,583 --> 00:38:06,625
- I'll just wait for you here.
- - Can't wait.
- 635
- 00:38:06,709 --> 00:38:09,333
- Security does sweeps,
- you'll get us caught.
- 636
- 00:38:09,417 --> 00:38:12,667
- - Okay, here, here.
- Take my card, okay?
- 637
- 00:38:12,750 --> 00:38:16,792
- Kenneth Wall, that's me.
- Here's my phone number, okay?
- 638
- 00:38:16,875 --> 00:38:18,917
- Take that, if you could text me
- 639
- 00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:22,792
- a picture of you dumping
- the ashes at midfield.
- 640
- 00:38:22,875 --> 00:38:24,709
- - Sure, yeah.
- - Okay?
- 641
- 00:38:24,792 --> 00:38:26,208
- You got a phone?
- - Yeah.
- 642
- 00:38:26,291 --> 00:38:27,625
- - You know how to text?
- 643
- 00:38:29,709 --> 00:38:33,291
- Alright, cool. Thanks, man.
- - You...
- 644
- 00:38:34,291 --> 00:38:36,500
- If you want... I should say
- something when I dump him?
- 645
- 00:38:36,583 --> 00:38:40,542
- - Uh... if the mood strikes you.
- - I know a poem.
- 646
- 00:38:40,625 --> 00:38:44,000
- - Cool. That'd be great.
- 647
- 00:38:44,083 --> 00:38:46,333
- - "Do not stand on my grave
- and weep.
- 648
- 00:38:46,417 --> 00:38:50,208
- I am not there,
- I do not sleep.
- 649
- 00:38:50,291 --> 00:38:52,875
- I'm a thousand winds that blow.
- 650
- 00:38:52,959 --> 00:38:57,208
- I'm the diamond glints on snow.
- 651
- 00:38:57,291 --> 00:39:00,000
- I am the sun
- on ripened grain.
- 652
- 00:39:00,083 --> 00:39:03,333
- I am the gentle autumn rain."
- 653
- 00:39:03,417 --> 00:39:06,917
- - It's beautiful. Thank you.
- Alright.
- 654
- 00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:09,834
- - "When you awaken..."
- - Not done yet, okay.
- 655
- 00:39:09,917 --> 00:39:12,083
- - "...in the morning hush.
- 656
- 00:39:12,166 --> 00:39:15,959
- I am the swift uplifting rush
- 657
- 00:39:16,041 --> 00:39:18,417
- of quiet birds in circled
- flight.
- 658
- 00:39:18,500 --> 00:39:21,667
- I am the soft stars
- that shine at night.
- 659
- 00:39:21,750 --> 00:39:24,625
- Do not stand at my grave
- and cry.
- 660
- 00:39:24,709 --> 00:39:29,000
- I am not there; I did not die."
- 661
- 00:39:39,875 --> 00:39:41,583
- (soft music)
- 662
- 00:40:17,792 --> 00:40:19,875
- (car beeping)
- 663
- 00:40:55,625 --> 00:40:58,083
- (creaking)
- Hmm...
- 664
- 00:40:59,583 --> 00:41:01,625
- (whirring)
- 665
- 00:41:04,583 --> 00:41:05,959
- (phone ringing)
- 666
- 00:41:06,041 --> 00:41:08,583
- - Hey, buddy!
- 667
- 00:41:08,667 --> 00:41:10,041
- How's it going?
- 668
- 00:41:10,125 --> 00:41:12,959
- (whispering):
- I'm in my dad's house.
- 669
- 00:41:13,041 --> 00:41:15,834
- - Why are you whispering?
- 670
- 00:41:15,917 --> 00:41:17,542
- - I don't know.
- 671
- 00:41:18,417 --> 00:41:19,834
- Check this out.
- 672
- 00:41:21,041 --> 00:41:24,709
- - What is that?
- - A drill press, I think.
- 673
- 00:41:24,792 --> 00:41:26,208
- - He wasn't a serial killer,
- was he?
- 674
- 00:41:26,291 --> 00:41:30,208
- - Um, I'm gonna go with...
- 675
- 00:41:30,291 --> 00:41:32,458
- ...maybe.
- - That's not funny,
- 676
- 00:41:32,542 --> 00:41:33,583
- that shit's fucking genetic.
- 677
- 00:41:35,500 --> 00:41:37,583
- - Oh, found the remote.
- 678
- 00:41:41,625 --> 00:41:43,875
- - Did someone already clear out
- his stuff?
- 679
- 00:41:43,959 --> 00:41:46,000
- - No, I think this is just
- 680
- 00:41:46,083 --> 00:41:47,667
- how he lived.
- 681
- 00:41:49,208 --> 00:41:52,083
- - Wow... it's really...
- 682
- 00:41:52,166 --> 00:41:53,917
- lonely.
- 683
- 00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:55,917
- - Creepy.
- 684
- 00:41:59,750 --> 00:42:02,000
- Holy shit.
- 685
- 00:42:03,875 --> 00:42:06,041
- What the...
- - Wow...
- 686
- 00:42:06,125 --> 00:42:09,166
- Okay, I guess he had a thing
- for planes.
- 687
- 00:42:09,250 --> 00:42:11,500
- - Apparently.
- 688
- 00:42:12,709 --> 00:42:14,500
- - And Halloween-themed
- carpeting.
- 689
- 00:42:14,583 --> 00:42:18,083
- What if he had this like,
- weird secret fetish that...
- 690
- 00:42:18,166 --> 00:42:21,417
- Holy shit, Ken, behind you!
- - What the fuck?!
- 691
- 00:42:21,500 --> 00:42:23,750
- - Easy, A-Rod!
- The door was open.
- 692
- 00:42:23,834 --> 00:42:25,625
- - You scared the shit out of me.
- Sorry.
- 693
- 00:42:27,583 --> 00:42:29,125
- Oh, that's my wife, Laurie.
- 694
- 00:42:29,208 --> 00:42:33,709
- Laurie, this is Jeff, he's
- the executor of my dad's will.
- 695
- 00:42:33,792 --> 00:42:36,709
- - Nice to meet you, pretty lady.
- - Hi! Nice to meet you.
- 696
- 00:42:36,792 --> 00:42:39,000
- Sorry to scream,
- 697
- 00:42:39,083 --> 00:42:41,625
- I just didn't exp--
- (baby crying)
- 698
- 00:42:41,709 --> 00:42:43,583
- Fuck, Ken. Not again.
- 699
- 00:42:43,667 --> 00:42:45,500
- - What did I do?
- 700
- 00:42:45,583 --> 00:42:48,709
- - They really stay filled out
- after they pop one, don't they?
- 701
- 00:42:50,291 --> 00:42:51,792
- I'm talking about her titties.
- - Yeah, I got it.
- 702
- 00:42:55,875 --> 00:42:58,000
- - Here's that box I was telling
- you about.
- 703
- 00:42:58,375 --> 00:43:00,709
- - Yeah.
- 704
- 00:43:02,250 --> 00:43:04,125
- Native-American man
- in a loin cloth.
- 705
- 00:43:04,208 --> 00:43:05,792
- That's not mine.
- 706
- 00:43:07,166 --> 00:43:08,542
- Ah...
- 707
- 00:43:08,625 --> 00:43:12,250
- Sports Illustrated
- calendar from 2007.
- 708
- 00:43:16,667 --> 00:43:19,792
- What's this?
- - Your dad was quite an athlete.
- 709
- 00:43:19,875 --> 00:43:24,083
- - Yeah, this is mine.
- From like... 25 years ago.
- 710
- 00:43:25,125 --> 00:43:27,834
- Peewee division C tournament
- champion.
- 711
- 00:43:27,917 --> 00:43:30,625
- Smallest guy on the team.
- I, uh... I scored the winning
- touchdown.
- 712
- 00:43:30,709 --> 00:43:33,917
- Interception, free safety,
- of course.
- 713
- 00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:37,959
- Forty-yard run, got tackled at
- the one...
- 714
- 00:43:38,041 --> 00:43:40,375
- fumbled, came up
- with the ball... ah!
- 715
- 00:43:40,458 --> 00:43:44,250
- Rob Seydoff, the biggest guy
- on the team fell on my arm,
- broke it in three places.
- 716
- 00:43:44,333 --> 00:43:46,125
- Mom never let me play again.
- - Wow.
- 717
- 00:43:46,208 --> 00:43:49,125
- And he kept that souvenir
- all these years.
- 718
- 00:43:49,208 --> 00:43:53,667
- He probably had some fond
- memories of you... out there,
- playing your heart out.
- 719
- 00:43:53,750 --> 00:43:58,709
- - Yeah, no, he... he missed it.
- Last-minute meeting.
- 720
- 00:43:59,500 --> 00:44:01,083
- - You know, a man's gotta work.
- 721
- 00:44:01,166 --> 00:44:02,250
- - Last-minute meeting means
- he'd get drunk at lunch.
- 722
- 00:44:02,333 --> 00:44:04,625
- (clattering)
- 723
- 00:44:05,291 --> 00:44:07,959
- - Anything else you wanna take?
- - No, I'm good.
- 724
- 00:44:13,792 --> 00:44:16,750
- So what's the deal with all
- the airplane stuff?
- 725
- 00:44:16,834 --> 00:44:19,709
- - You didn't know? Your dad
- always wanted to be a pilot.
- 726
- 00:44:19,792 --> 00:44:21,041
- - Really?
- - Yeah.
- 727
- 00:44:21,125 --> 00:44:22,917
- He even took flying lessons
- when he was y...
- 728
- 00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:25,083
- Oh, my God!
- 729
- 00:44:26,291 --> 00:44:28,291
- Yeah, I guess this was
- the next best thing.
- 730
- 00:44:31,083 --> 00:44:32,834
- You know, I should probably...
- 731
- 00:44:32,917 --> 00:44:35,917
- I should probably keep these.
- 732
- 00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:38,917
- You know, I just wouldn't want
- the guys at Goodwill getting
- 733
- 00:44:39,000 --> 00:44:40,917
- the wrong idea about
- your old man.
- 734
- 00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:44,083
- - Knock yourself out.
- 735
- 00:44:44,166 --> 00:44:45,542
- - You hungry?
- 736
- 00:44:45,625 --> 00:44:48,583
- (soft lounge music)
- 737
- 00:44:48,667 --> 00:44:50,750
- - It'll be fine.
- - Oh, I don't know.
- 738
- 00:44:50,834 --> 00:44:53,667
- I'm the executor, I'm supposed
- to witness any ash-related
- activity.
- 739
- 00:44:53,750 --> 00:44:55,333
- I'll be signing an affidavit.
- 740
- 00:44:55,417 --> 00:44:57,959
- - Well, it's the only way
- it was gonna happen.
- 741
- 00:44:58,041 --> 00:44:59,166
- - Well, I guess.
- 742
- 00:44:59,250 --> 00:45:01,583
- - Good food here?
- - No, no, terrible.
- 743
- 00:45:01,667 --> 00:45:03,291
- Your dad's favourite spot.
- 744
- 00:45:03,375 --> 00:45:04,417
- Ah, looks like someone got their
- suspension lifted.
- 745
- 00:45:04,500 --> 00:45:06,667
- It's a grabby Irish fuck.
- 746
- 00:45:06,750 --> 00:45:09,625
- Don't get the wrong idea
- about your dad.
- 747
- 00:45:09,709 --> 00:45:12,959
- He wasn't some pervert.
- Never liked to sit right up
- in sniffer's row.
- 748
- 00:45:13,041 --> 00:45:16,333
- He said:
- "Too close ruins the mystery."
- 749
- 00:45:16,417 --> 00:45:19,000
- - Try watching a kid come out of
- there.
- 750
- 00:45:19,083 --> 00:45:20,917
- - What kind of sick bastard
- are you?
- 751
- 00:45:21,917 --> 00:45:23,291
- - So, uh...
- 752
- 00:45:23,917 --> 00:45:26,709
- was my dad seeing anyone?
- 753
- 00:45:27,333 --> 00:45:29,959
- - Yeah, women get to a certain
- age, they don't wanna bone
- anymore.
- 754
- 00:45:30,041 --> 00:45:33,917
- And your dad was very private
- about that kind of thing.
- 755
- 00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:34,875
- And I prefer women of a certain
- vintage,
- 756
- 00:45:34,959 --> 00:45:38,125
- but given the choice
- between nothing and
- 757
- 00:45:38,208 --> 00:45:39,959
- a young pro with a
- kung fu grip...
- 758
- 00:45:40,041 --> 00:45:41,417
- this is not ideal.
- 759
- 00:45:41,500 --> 00:45:43,083
- - So, the AA meeting broke
- early.
- 760
- 00:45:43,166 --> 00:45:44,917
- You got 20 minutes left
- to the buffet. Get you a drink?
- 761
- 00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:47,208
- - Oh, thanks, it's a little
- early for me.
- 762
- 00:45:47,291 --> 00:45:48,834
- (both): There's a two-drink
- minimum, honey.
- 763
- 00:45:48,917 --> 00:45:50,250
- - Well, I guess, uh...
- 764
- 00:45:50,333 --> 00:45:51,875
- - My God!
- 765
- 00:45:51,959 --> 00:45:55,166
- You look exactly
- like this guy I know.
- 766
- 00:45:55,250 --> 00:45:58,834
- - Yeah, maybe because
- it's Andy's kid.
- 767
- 00:45:58,917 --> 00:46:00,000
- - No, shit.
- 768
- 00:46:01,083 --> 00:46:03,125
- No fucking shit!
- 769
- 00:46:03,208 --> 00:46:05,750
- Cindy! Get your tits over here!
- 770
- 00:46:05,834 --> 00:46:09,291
- - Hey, Velvet, could you, uh...
- get me a Bloody Mary
- and her sister?
- 771
- 00:46:09,375 --> 00:46:10,208
- - Lunch of champions.
- 772
- 00:46:10,291 --> 00:46:12,667
- And you?
- - Does it have to be alcoholic?
- 773
- 00:46:13,417 --> 00:46:16,208
- - What are you? A comedian?
- - I'll just have a Coke.
- 774
- 00:46:16,291 --> 00:46:17,375
- - Two Jack and Cokes.
- 775
- 00:46:18,583 --> 00:46:20,792
- - Some horny boys over here
- looking for a little lap love?
- 776
- 00:46:20,875 --> 00:46:22,834
- - Who does he look like?
- 777
- 00:46:23,917 --> 00:46:25,709
- (whispering): Who does
- he think he looks like?
- 778
- 00:46:28,375 --> 00:46:29,417
- - Hello.
- 779
- 00:46:30,750 --> 00:46:32,250
- - It's like a little Andy.
- 780
- 00:46:32,333 --> 00:46:35,208
- I mean, not what Andy calls
- his little Andy, but...
- 781
- 00:46:35,291 --> 00:46:37,750
- Wow!
- 782
- 00:46:37,834 --> 00:46:40,041
- - That's his kid.
- 783
- 00:46:40,125 --> 00:46:41,333
- - Aw...
- 784
- 00:46:42,291 --> 00:46:44,250
- Hey, I can do
- a father-son discount.
- 785
- 00:46:44,333 --> 00:46:45,875
- Where is the old rascal?
- 786
- 00:46:45,959 --> 00:46:48,458
- - He's uh... he's gone, honey.
- 787
- 00:46:50,250 --> 00:46:51,083
- He's dead.
- 788
- 00:46:51,458 --> 00:46:53,834
- - What?
- 789
- 00:46:54,500 --> 00:46:57,208
- - Well, that's poopy.
- 790
- 00:46:57,291 --> 00:46:58,917
- (man): Miss, the check, please!
- 791
- 00:47:01,333 --> 00:47:03,417
- - I knew he was sick.
- 792
- 00:47:03,500 --> 00:47:05,875
- I'm so sorry--
- - For my loss, yes.
- 793
- 00:47:05,959 --> 00:47:07,125
- Thank you very much.
- 794
- 00:47:08,166 --> 00:47:09,083
- - How about a dance
- on the house?
- 795
- 00:47:09,166 --> 00:47:12,542
- I mean, you guys can still tip
- if you want.
- 796
- 00:47:12,625 --> 00:47:14,375
- - I'm okay.
- - That'd be swell.
- 797
- 00:47:14,458 --> 00:47:17,959
- - Oh, yay! I've been so horny
- all morning.
- 798
- 00:47:19,000 --> 00:47:20,792
- - Stroke of luck for me then.
- 799
- 00:47:22,417 --> 00:47:23,959
- (Jeff moaning)
- - Your dad was so great.
- 800
- 00:47:24,041 --> 00:47:25,750
- - Thank you, very sweet of you.
- 801
- 00:47:25,834 --> 00:47:27,417
- - She's not just saying that.
- 802
- 00:47:27,500 --> 00:47:29,375
- When Cindy needed braces, her...
- 803
- 00:47:29,458 --> 00:47:31,083
- Maggie's son's lawyer -
- 804
- 00:47:31,166 --> 00:47:32,834
- Friday Maggie,
- not pierced Maggie -
- 805
- 00:47:32,917 --> 00:47:34,291
- when he turned out to be a
- total piece of shit,
- 806
- 00:47:34,375 --> 00:47:36,875
- Andy was the first one
- with his wallet out.
- 807
- 00:47:36,959 --> 00:47:40,166
- - Did you know he invented
- cutting the pockets out of the
- inside of your sweat pants?
- 808
- 00:47:40,250 --> 00:47:42,166
- - I did not. But no doubt that
- he said that.
- 809
- 00:47:42,250 --> 00:47:46,125
- - Yeah. I mean, even toward
- the end, when he couldn't...
- 810
- 00:47:47,250 --> 00:47:49,959
- express his affection
- the way most guys do,
- 811
- 00:47:50,041 --> 00:47:52,458
- he would still come in here
- just to talk.
- 812
- 00:47:52,542 --> 00:47:54,000
- - Wait a minute.
- 813
- 00:47:54,083 --> 00:47:57,458
- You knew he was sick
- and you didn't tell me?!
- 814
- 00:47:58,625 --> 00:48:01,417
- - Client-dancer confidentiality,
- you taught me that.
- 815
- 00:48:01,500 --> 00:48:04,208
- - Don't worry about it.
- I'm his kid and he didn't
- even tell me.
- 816
- 00:48:04,291 --> 00:48:07,250
- It's not like he's... a decent
- human being in any way.
- 817
- 00:48:07,333 --> 00:48:08,500
- - Hey!
- 818
- 00:48:08,583 --> 00:48:11,208
- Shut your mouth.
- 819
- 00:48:11,291 --> 00:48:14,083
- - It's okay. It's okay...
- 820
- 00:48:16,834 --> 00:48:18,208
- - Hey, I'm sorry.
- 821
- 00:48:18,291 --> 00:48:21,959
- I mean, he wasn't the greatest
- guy all the time, but...
- 822
- 00:48:22,041 --> 00:48:24,125
- you know,
- we all have our faults.
- 823
- 00:48:25,083 --> 00:48:26,250
- - Did you guys...?
- 824
- 00:48:26,792 --> 00:48:29,041
- - A long time ago.
- 825
- 00:48:29,875 --> 00:48:31,750
- - Guesstimate for me.
- 826
- 00:48:31,834 --> 00:48:34,125
- - 20 years...
- 827
- 00:48:34,208 --> 00:48:36,458
- The 90's are a little fuzzy
- for me.
- 828
- 00:48:36,542 --> 00:48:39,166
- - Before or after my parents
- split up?
- 829
- 00:48:40,208 --> 00:48:41,542
- - Hey, I'm sorry, kid.
- 830
- 00:48:41,625 --> 00:48:44,083
- I didn't pull the ripcord
- on your parents' marriage.
- 831
- 00:48:44,959 --> 00:48:47,333
- I was just one of the many spots
- he landed.
- 832
- 00:48:47,417 --> 00:48:51,166
- (sighing)
- Jesus! He was a charmer.
- 833
- 00:48:52,041 --> 00:48:55,125
- You know, on our first date,
- he bought this little stuffed
- bear.
- 834
- 00:48:55,959 --> 00:48:59,041
- God, we got shit-faced and
- ended up in a tattoo parlour!
- 835
- 00:48:59,125 --> 00:49:00,500
- (Ken): Oh, no, no, that's okay.
- - That's it.
- 836
- 00:49:00,583 --> 00:49:02,166
- - Yep, there it is.
- 837
- 00:49:03,083 --> 00:49:07,083
- - I was a tight piece of ass
- back then.
- 838
- 00:49:07,166 --> 00:49:08,875
- - Oh, yeah, she was.
- 839
- 00:49:08,959 --> 00:49:10,750
- I saw a VHS evidence tape
- of her once.
- (sniffing)
- 840
- 00:49:10,834 --> 00:49:13,000
- - Your dad...
- 841
- 00:49:13,083 --> 00:49:16,125
- He could treat a lady
- like a f-ing lady!
- (crying)
- 842
- 00:49:20,500 --> 00:49:22,375
- - Aw...
- 843
- 00:49:22,834 --> 00:49:24,291
- Don't be blue.
- 844
- 00:49:26,041 --> 00:49:28,542
- - I'm okay.
- - He's fine, he's fine.
- 845
- 00:49:28,625 --> 00:49:31,291
- - No, look at him.
- He's all frowny.
- 846
- 00:49:32,333 --> 00:49:35,458
- - Yeah, that's just the way
- my face kind of sits.
- 847
- 00:49:37,417 --> 00:49:39,458
- - Let's see what you inherited
- from your old man.
- 848
- 00:49:39,542 --> 00:49:40,834
- - Huh?
- 849
- 00:49:40,917 --> 00:49:42,917
- It's okay, thank you.
- I'm sorry.
- 850
- 00:49:44,333 --> 00:49:45,583
- - I got it, I got it.
- 851
- 00:49:52,333 --> 00:49:54,208
- Hey, you alright?
- 852
- 00:49:54,291 --> 00:49:55,542
- You didn't go hair-trigger,
- did you?
- 853
- 00:49:56,458 --> 00:49:58,625
- - This is all some big fucking
- joke to you, huh?
- 854
- 00:49:58,709 --> 00:50:01,041
- Hey, I know what'd be funny,
- 855
- 00:50:01,125 --> 00:50:05,417
- is if the stripper that used to
- jerk off my buddy Andy,
- jerked off his son too!
- 856
- 00:50:05,500 --> 00:50:06,875
- Oh, you know
- what'd be even better?
- 857
- 00:50:06,959 --> 00:50:10,959
- Is if that same stripper knew
- that he was dying
- before even I did.
- 858
- 00:50:11,041 --> 00:50:13,208
- - Technically, you never even
- knew he was dying, so--
- 859
- 00:50:13,291 --> 00:50:13,750
- - No, technically,
- he's an asshole.
- 860
- 00:50:13,834 --> 00:50:16,208
- - A complex asshole.
- 861
- 00:50:16,291 --> 00:50:18,291
- - A complex asshole
- who left my mom for a stripper.
- 862
- 00:50:18,375 --> 00:50:20,792
- - And who cared about
- the juvenile justice system.
- 863
- 00:50:20,875 --> 00:50:22,583
- - For a stripper's kid.
- 864
- 00:50:22,667 --> 00:50:26,291
- - You're obsessed with
- the erotic arts, aren't you?
- (phone ringing)
- 865
- 00:50:30,208 --> 00:50:31,417
- - Hello?
- 866
- 00:50:31,500 --> 00:50:33,959
- - Son of a bitch!
- If you came in town
- 867
- 00:50:34,041 --> 00:50:35,542
- and didn't tell me,
- I'll fucking kill you.
- 868
- 00:50:35,625 --> 00:50:36,125
- - Cam!
- 869
- 00:50:36,208 --> 00:50:40,333
- What's up, man? Uh...
- 870
- 00:50:40,417 --> 00:50:43,834
- Sorry I didn't call you.
- I'm here for my dad's funeral.
- 871
- 00:50:43,917 --> 00:50:45,625
- - Oh... sorry for your loss.
- 872
- 00:50:45,709 --> 00:50:48,208
- Is that what people say?
- 873
- 00:50:48,291 --> 00:50:49,208
- - That's about all they say.
- 874
- 00:50:49,291 --> 00:50:52,458
- How did you...
- how did you know I was here?
- 875
- 00:50:52,542 --> 00:50:54,500
- - Your wife and my wife started
- Facebooking after the wedding.
- 876
- 00:50:54,583 --> 00:50:58,000
- And she just posted
- some diaper pick,
- and blah, blah, blah...
- 877
- 00:50:58,083 --> 00:50:59,625
- Who gives a shit? Come over
- tonight, meet the child.
- 878
- 00:50:59,709 --> 00:51:03,041
- See how your life
- will be boned
- for the next 18 years.
- 879
- 00:51:03,125 --> 00:51:06,875
- - Well, as tempting as that
- sounds, I think I'm gonna have
- to catch the red-eye back, so...
- 880
- 00:51:06,959 --> 00:51:09,125
- - Fuck you, motherfucker.
- 881
- 00:51:09,208 --> 00:51:11,041
- Come over, I'm texting you
- the address, 7 o'clock.
- 882
- 00:51:11,125 --> 00:51:13,834
- Bring anything and die.
- - Alright.
- 883
- 00:51:13,917 --> 00:51:15,375
- - Also, I'm sorry I said "die".
- 884
- 00:51:15,458 --> 00:51:17,417
- Later, asshole.
- 885
- 00:51:19,792 --> 00:51:22,291
- - An old friend.
- 886
- 00:51:23,041 --> 00:51:24,250
- So...
- 887
- 00:51:24,333 --> 00:51:26,291
- I guess that's it.
- 888
- 00:51:27,333 --> 00:51:29,542
- I'll just send you the picture
- when I get it.
- 889
- 00:51:31,083 --> 00:51:32,333
- - I guess so.
- 890
- 00:51:35,041 --> 00:51:35,792
- - Just contact me...
- 891
- 00:51:35,875 --> 00:51:39,542
- when the estate settles.
- 892
- 00:51:43,291 --> 00:51:45,125
- Nice meeting you.
- 893
- 00:51:45,208 --> 00:51:46,709
- - You too.
- 894
- 00:51:49,667 --> 00:51:50,375
- - You're going back in?
- 895
- 00:51:52,208 --> 00:51:55,542
- - We all grieve in our own way,
- Ken.
- 896
- 00:51:57,542 --> 00:51:59,375
- (club music)
- We all grieve in our own way.
- 897
- 00:52:07,291 --> 00:52:08,667
- (sighing)
- 898
- 00:52:08,750 --> 00:52:10,041
- - 'Cause you'll be the person
- that'll be handling this.
- 899
- 00:52:10,125 --> 00:52:12,250
- I mean, I can't, you know,
- leave it up to my--
- (door closing)
- 900
- 00:52:12,333 --> 00:52:14,542
- And there he is!
- 901
- 00:52:14,625 --> 00:52:15,250
- Lori, I'll be right back.
- 902
- 00:52:17,291 --> 00:52:18,417
- It rang and I picked up.
- 903
- 00:52:20,417 --> 00:52:22,083
- - Hello.
- 904
- 00:52:22,166 --> 00:52:24,291
- - How did it go?
- - Uh...
- 905
- 00:52:24,375 --> 00:52:28,166
- Good, good. I got a guy
- dumping him as we speak.
- 906
- 00:52:28,250 --> 00:52:31,417
- (chuckling)
- - You got a guy, huh?
- 907
- 00:52:31,500 --> 00:52:34,250
- - Yeah, you know. I got... I
- found an ash-dumping guy.
- 908
- 00:52:34,333 --> 00:52:35,458
- - Impressive.
- 909
- 00:52:35,542 --> 00:52:39,125
- Daddy's coming home! Yay!
- 910
- 00:52:39,208 --> 00:52:42,625
- (baby cooing)
- - Oh, hi! There he is.
- 911
- 00:52:42,709 --> 00:52:45,583
- (Lori singing
- The Circle of Life)
- 912
- 00:52:45,667 --> 00:52:47,333
- (Ken): Hi! There's my... child.
- 913
- 00:52:47,417 --> 00:52:50,709
- So, what were you and my mom
- talking about?
- 914
- 00:52:50,792 --> 00:52:55,166
- - Your mom went to some holistic
- funeral home
- 915
- 00:52:55,250 --> 00:52:57,583
- and came back
- with a bunch of pamphlets.
- 916
- 00:52:57,667 --> 00:52:59,250
- I think she's really bored.
- 917
- 00:52:59,333 --> 00:53:01,166
- - Well...
- - So, Lori,
- 918
- 00:53:01,250 --> 00:53:03,083
- the sandalwood one
- 919
- 00:53:03,166 --> 00:53:06,250
- is 80% post-consumer fibre.
- 920
- 00:53:06,333 --> 00:53:08,583
- - Mom, what are you doing?
- You're in perfect health.
- 921
- 00:53:08,667 --> 00:53:11,083
- - I know.
- But there's nothing wrong
- with preparing
- 922
- 00:53:11,166 --> 00:53:14,375
- for the inevitable transition
- into the next realm
- of existence.
- 923
- 00:53:14,458 --> 00:53:17,792
- So the super-eco option...
- - I think she's talking
- about Florida.
- 924
- 00:53:17,875 --> 00:53:21,417
- - ...which seems better than
- the mushroom death suit.
- 925
- 00:53:21,500 --> 00:53:24,375
- Let me show. I'll be right back.
- - Nobody likes the mushroom
- death suit.
- 926
- 00:53:24,458 --> 00:53:26,417
- (baby cooing)
- - 20 minutes of that.
- 927
- 00:53:26,500 --> 00:53:29,041
- Is she gonna be okay?
- - Yeah, yeah.
- 928
- 00:53:29,125 --> 00:53:30,667
- She'll be fine.
- 929
- 00:53:30,750 --> 00:53:33,667
- I'll just remove all the sharp
- objects before I come home.
- 930
- 00:53:33,750 --> 00:53:36,458
- - What time
- does your flight land?
- - Uh...
- 931
- 00:53:36,542 --> 00:53:40,208
- Actually, I'm gonna hop
- on the first flight tomorrow
- morning.
- 932
- 00:53:40,291 --> 00:53:43,667
- - Tomorrow?
- What happened to tonight?
- 933
- 00:53:43,750 --> 00:53:44,875
- - Well, Cam called.
- 934
- 00:53:44,959 --> 00:53:47,083
- So I thought I'd, you know,
- since I'm here already,
- 935
- 00:53:47,166 --> 00:53:48,625
- I'd swing by,
- 936
- 00:53:48,709 --> 00:53:50,583
- maybe get some new dad tips.
- 937
- 00:53:50,667 --> 00:53:55,458
- - Here's a dad tip, come hang
- out with your actual family.
- 938
- 00:53:55,542 --> 00:53:59,417
- - Okay. Just, can we not...
- it's just been a long,
- 939
- 00:53:59,500 --> 00:54:00,792
- weird, stressful day.
- 940
- 00:54:00,875 --> 00:54:03,583
- - Oh, it's been stressful
- for you?
- 941
- 00:54:03,667 --> 00:54:06,291
- I'm so sorry to hear that.
- No stress over here by the way.
- 942
- 00:54:06,375 --> 00:54:08,750
- This kid kind of raises himself.
- 943
- 00:54:08,834 --> 00:54:10,500
- I just leave out some Kibble
- 944
- 00:54:10,583 --> 00:54:12,333
- and figured I'd check back in
- before college.
- 945
- 00:54:12,417 --> 00:54:15,125
- - So now, we're using the kid
- as a weapon?
- 946
- 00:54:15,208 --> 00:54:18,333
- - No, not until his skull
- firms up.
- 947
- 00:54:18,834 --> 00:54:21,250
- I know you're dealing
- with a lot of stuff, Ken,
- 948
- 00:54:21,333 --> 00:54:22,750
- but I could really use a hand,
- 949
- 00:54:22,834 --> 00:54:24,792
- and you're off tearing it up
- with your homies.
- 950
- 00:54:24,875 --> 00:54:27,250
- - I'm not tearing it up
- with anybody!
- 951
- 00:54:27,333 --> 00:54:29,458
- I have no homies to tear it up
- with. I don't know
- what you're taking about.
- 952
- 00:54:29,542 --> 00:54:30,458
- Okay? You said it was fine.
- So I came.
- 953
- 00:54:30,542 --> 00:54:33,417
- (baby crying)
- - It's okay. It's alright.
- 954
- 00:54:33,500 --> 00:54:35,333
- - It's just an extra 12 hours.
- You'll be fine. Call Trent
- 955
- 00:54:35,417 --> 00:54:37,375
- and have him come over
- and take his shirt off.
- 956
- 00:54:37,458 --> 00:54:40,709
- - Yeah. You caught us.
- That's why I'm so exhausted.
- 957
- 00:54:40,792 --> 00:54:42,000
- Just been gay-fucking
- 958
- 00:54:42,083 --> 00:54:43,875
- his gay brains out all over
- our gay fucking apartment.
- 959
- 00:54:43,959 --> 00:54:46,542
- It's just a peg-a-palooza
- out here.
- - Okay, okay, alright.
- 960
- 00:54:46,625 --> 00:54:49,333
- - Thank God I rush-ordered
- that big, fat strap-on!
- 961
- 00:54:49,417 --> 00:54:51,875
- - Please,
- would you lower your voice!
- 962
- 00:54:51,959 --> 00:54:53,542
- (baby cooing)
- (sighing)
- 963
- 00:54:53,625 --> 00:54:56,542
- - Well, you know, at least
- someone's getting some action.
- 964
- 00:54:56,625 --> 00:54:58,667
- - It took 16 hours to push
- 965
- 00:54:58,750 --> 00:55:01,333
- our little bowling ball of love
- out of my fucking vagina.
- 966
- 00:55:01,417 --> 00:55:04,542
- And you wonder
- why I'm not in the mood?
- 967
- 00:55:04,625 --> 00:55:06,709
- - Okay. I regretted that
- 968
- 00:55:06,792 --> 00:55:09,500
- the moment that I said it,
- but, you know,
- it has been six months.
- 969
- 00:55:09,583 --> 00:55:11,250
- - You didn't want to fuck
- a pregnant lady!
- 970
- 00:55:11,333 --> 00:55:13,667
- (baby crying)
- - Oh, see? Now, he's crying.
- 971
- 00:55:13,750 --> 00:55:15,959
- It's okay.
- - Shh, shh... It's okay.
- 972
- 00:55:16,041 --> 00:55:19,250
- - It's okay. Sorry.
- 973
- 00:55:19,333 --> 00:55:21,583
- Do you have to feed him?
- 974
- 00:55:21,667 --> 00:55:23,417
- - Yeah. But you know what?
- 975
- 00:55:23,500 --> 00:55:26,750
- Good news, left tit
- stopped bleeding today. So...
- 976
- 00:55:26,834 --> 00:55:28,208
- - Lori, hold...
- 977
- 00:55:28,542 --> 00:55:31,125
- - So, this one seems
- really interesting.
- 978
- 00:55:31,208 --> 00:55:32,500
- This is the funeral pyre.
- 979
- 00:55:32,583 --> 00:55:35,291
- The only problem is
- it is weather dependent.
- 980
- 00:55:35,375 --> 00:55:38,834
- - She's gone, mom.
- She's not there anymore.
- 981
- 00:55:41,333 --> 00:55:43,291
- - Sorry for the mess.
- 982
- 00:55:43,375 --> 00:55:46,834
- - No. It's like
- seeing into my future.
- 983
- 00:55:46,917 --> 00:55:50,583
- - Yeah, well, hopefully, yours
- isn't a bile-spewing monster
- like ours is.
- 984
- 00:55:50,667 --> 00:55:51,917
- - Yeah.
- 985
- 00:55:52,000 --> 00:55:54,250
- - Hey, to your dad.
- - Yeah.
- 986
- 00:55:54,333 --> 00:55:55,959
- My dad...
- 987
- 00:55:56,458 --> 00:55:58,458
- You know, he...
- 988
- 00:55:58,542 --> 00:56:01,250
- He used to take flying lessons.
- 989
- 00:56:01,333 --> 00:56:03,000
- - How the fuck
- would I know that?
- 990
- 00:56:03,083 --> 00:56:07,709
- - I don't know.
- I just found out that... uh...
- 991
- 00:56:07,792 --> 00:56:11,166
- he wanted to be a pilot
- when he was younger.
- 992
- 00:56:11,250 --> 00:56:13,417
- - Huh... Why'd he stop?
- 993
- 00:56:13,917 --> 00:56:16,417
- - Not a hot clue.
- 994
- 00:56:16,917 --> 00:56:20,500
- - You know,
- when my grandfather died,
- my grandma found all these like,
- 995
- 00:56:20,583 --> 00:56:21,250
- men's "bodybuilding" magazines.
- 996
- 00:56:21,333 --> 00:56:23,709
- - Are you serious?
- - Yeah.
- 997
- 00:56:23,792 --> 00:56:26,458
- I'm only here because of
- intolerance in the '50s.
- 998
- 00:56:26,542 --> 00:56:29,041
- - Interesting.
- - You never really know anyone.
- 999
- 00:56:29,125 --> 00:56:31,500
- (birds chirping)
- 1000
- 00:56:31,583 --> 00:56:33,583
- Did you ever open that bar?
- 1001
- 00:56:33,667 --> 00:56:33,959
- - Gastropub.
- 1002
- 00:56:34,041 --> 00:56:35,458
- Brew pub.
- 1003
- 00:56:35,542 --> 00:56:39,959
- I'm still kind of trying
- to decide between...
- 1004
- 00:56:40,792 --> 00:56:42,041
- Although they're both so trendy
- now. I probably missed the bus.
- 1005
- 00:56:42,125 --> 00:56:44,208
- - Parenthood...
- 1006
- 00:56:44,291 --> 00:56:45,083
- where your plans go to die.
- 1007
- 00:56:45,166 --> 00:56:48,375
- - A hospice for your dreams.
- 1008
- 00:56:48,458 --> 00:56:50,542
- - Palliative care
- for your balls.
- 1009
- 00:56:50,625 --> 00:56:52,667
- At least then,
- you have an excuse, right?
- 1010
- 00:56:53,417 --> 00:56:55,417
- (whispering):
- Oh, it's my neighbour.
- 1011
- 00:56:55,500 --> 00:56:58,250
- Tracey! Come meet one of the
- assholes I went to college with!
- 1012
- 00:56:58,333 --> 00:57:00,792
- - You make it sound so tempting.
- 1013
- 00:57:00,875 --> 00:57:03,709
- - This is Ken. Ken, Tracey.
- Tracey, Ken.
- 1014
- 00:57:03,792 --> 00:57:05,792
- - Nice to meet you.
- 1015
- 00:57:05,875 --> 00:57:07,375
- - College, huh?
- 1016
- 00:57:07,458 --> 00:57:09,375
- Same sorority?
- 1017
- 00:57:09,458 --> 00:57:11,709
- (fake laughing)
- - Oh, enjoy your humour.
- 1018
- 00:57:11,792 --> 00:57:14,667
- Why don't you ask your pimp
- if you can come over for a beer?
- 1019
- 00:57:15,959 --> 00:57:17,667
- Rude.
- 1020
- 00:57:17,750 --> 00:57:21,000
- She's not really a hooker, but
- she did just get divorced.
- 1021
- 00:57:21,083 --> 00:57:22,667
- - That's too bad.
- - Too bad for him.
- 1022
- 00:57:22,750 --> 00:57:27,500
- I heard them a few times.
- She's... enthusiastic.
- 1023
- 00:57:27,583 --> 00:57:31,750
- - That's kind of... cliché,
- isn't it, the horny divorcee?
- 1024
- 00:57:31,834 --> 00:57:35,000
- - Buddy, all clichés are true.
- That's just science.
- 1025
- 00:57:35,083 --> 00:57:36,750
- Anne doesn't really trust her.
- 1026
- 00:57:36,834 --> 00:57:39,041
- (phone chiming)
- It kind of makes it hotter
- for me.
- 1027
- 00:57:40,959 --> 00:57:42,125
- - Hmm.
- - What? Good news?
- 1028
- 00:57:42,208 --> 00:57:44,375
- - Uh... Yeah.
- 1029
- 00:57:44,458 --> 00:57:47,709
- It's about my dad's... affairs.
- 1030
- 00:57:47,792 --> 00:57:50,208
- (baby crying)
- - Cam, can you help? Sorry, Ken.
- 1031
- 00:57:50,291 --> 00:57:51,500
- - Oh, did he--
- - Yeah, yeah.
- 1032
- 00:57:51,583 --> 00:57:52,500
- And then, he--
- (makes farting noise)
- 1033
- 00:57:52,583 --> 00:57:55,500
- - Alright, get the thing
- and I'll...
- 1034
- 00:57:56,583 --> 00:57:59,542
- Hey. Untouched
- by the lips of man.
- 1035
- 00:57:59,625 --> 00:58:01,542
- - Know that feeling.
- 1036
- 00:58:05,500 --> 00:58:06,834
- (grunting)
- - Here, you need help there,
- buddy?
- 1037
- 00:58:06,917 --> 00:58:09,917
- - Yeah, I need help getting
- in my own house. Fuck off.
- 1038
- 00:58:10,000 --> 00:58:11,917
- - Geez.
- 1039
- 00:58:12,917 --> 00:58:15,291
- - Oh, children.
- - Yeah.
- 1040
- 00:58:16,917 --> 00:58:19,333
- - You got any?
- - Uh, one, yeah.
- 1041
- 00:58:19,417 --> 00:58:21,250
- You wanna see a picture?
- 1042
- 00:58:21,333 --> 00:58:22,834
- - I'm good.
- 1043
- 00:58:27,458 --> 00:58:28,917
- Do you mind?
- 1044
- 00:58:29,000 --> 00:58:31,875
- - No, please.
- It's your... neighbour's house.
- 1045
- 00:58:33,417 --> 00:58:36,333
- - They occasionally partake.
- 1046
- 00:58:37,625 --> 00:58:40,709
- - Oh, no. Thanks.
- I'm married... uh, driving.
- 1047
- 00:58:42,375 --> 00:58:43,875
- - And a little Freudian.
- 1048
- 00:58:45,208 --> 00:58:47,583
- - Yeah.
- 1049
- 00:58:47,667 --> 00:58:51,917
- - I figure weed has prevented
- more new parents from killing
- their spawn than any other drug.
- 1050
- 00:58:52,000 --> 00:58:53,500
- - That sounds about right.
- 1051
- 00:58:53,583 --> 00:58:56,709
- I bet you acid's probably
- a parenting non-starter.
- 1052
- 00:58:56,792 --> 00:59:00,500
- Oh, my kid has fangs! Kill it!
- 1053
- 00:59:00,583 --> 00:59:02,458
- Kill it!
- 1054
- 00:59:02,542 --> 00:59:04,917
- - You've never done acid,
- have you?
- 1055
- 00:59:05,000 --> 00:59:06,083
- - I have not.
- 1056
- 00:59:06,166 --> 00:59:08,917
- Although I did buy fake ecstasy
- at a rave once.
- 1057
- 00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:10,750
- Cleared my sinuses right up.
- 1058
- 00:59:12,041 --> 00:59:14,291
- (chuckling)
- 1059
- 00:59:14,375 --> 00:59:14,750
- (blues music)
- 1060
- 00:59:17,333 --> 00:59:19,583
- ♪ I'm just passing through
- I've been doing the do ♪
- 1061
- 00:59:19,667 --> 00:59:22,709
- ♪ But I really like
- some company ♪
- 1062
- 00:59:23,000 --> 00:59:24,625
- ♪ So I step to the corner ♪
- 1063
- 00:59:24,709 --> 00:59:26,458
- ♪ Where the party's
- made to order ♪
- 1064
- 00:59:26,542 --> 00:59:30,333
- ♪ Going down
- right in front of me ♪
- 1065
- 00:59:30,417 --> 00:59:32,458
- ♪ A little smoking
- A little drinking ♪
- 1066
- 00:59:32,542 --> 00:59:35,667
- ♪ More dazin'
- less digging... ♪
- 1067
- 00:59:35,750 --> 00:59:37,917
- (bottles clinking)
- (blues music continues)
- 1068
- 00:59:44,041 --> 00:59:46,917
- (laughter)
- 1069
- 00:59:49,000 --> 00:59:52,583
- - ...moment for posterity.
- Two college boyfriends.
- 1070
- 00:59:52,667 --> 00:59:55,458
- Yeah!
- - Yeah, like old times.
- 1071
- 00:59:55,542 --> 00:59:57,917
- - No, don't.
- 1072
- 00:59:58,000 --> 00:59:58,750
- - Photo-bomb, motherfuckers!
- 1073
- 00:59:58,834 --> 01:00:00,875
- - What? You're ruining our
- picture!
- 1074
- 01:00:00,959 --> 01:00:02,166
- - Yeah, she did actually
- ruin it.
- (grunting)
- 1075
- 01:00:02,250 --> 01:00:05,542
- - Did you get it? Hold on, hold
- on. Are you okay to drive?
- 1076
- 01:00:05,625 --> 01:00:08,208
- - Yes, I'm okay. I'm brilliant.
- Brilliant!
- 1077
- 01:00:08,291 --> 01:00:09,166
- - Brilliant!
- 1078
- 01:00:09,250 --> 01:00:11,166
- - But text us when you get
- home. Alright?
- 1079
- 01:00:11,250 --> 01:00:12,792
- - Yes, mom.
- 1080
- 01:00:12,875 --> 01:00:14,959
- - And a big kiss to your wife,
- 1081
- 01:00:15,041 --> 01:00:17,834
- because she is so awesome.
- - Aw!
- 1082
- 01:00:17,917 --> 01:00:19,667
- - Yes, she is.
- 1083
- 01:00:19,750 --> 01:00:21,709
- - Now, get off my lawn,
- crazy kids.
- 1084
- 01:00:21,792 --> 01:00:25,000
- - Thank you. Thank you.
- - Yes, get out.
- 1085
- 01:00:25,083 --> 01:00:27,417
- - Man, I needed this.
- 1086
- 01:00:28,500 --> 01:00:30,500
- - One for the ride.
- 1087
- 01:00:30,583 --> 01:00:31,583
- - Oh...
- 1088
- 01:00:31,667 --> 01:00:34,917
- yeah, I don't know.
- - What?
- 1089
- 01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:38,875
- You think I'm trying to pass
- you out and date-rape you?
- 1090
- 01:00:38,959 --> 01:00:41,834
- - Everybody knows that rape is
- about power and not about sex.
- 1091
- 01:00:41,917 --> 01:00:44,875
- - Oh, God!
- - Wait, wait, wait.
- 1092
- 01:00:44,959 --> 01:00:48,041
- Okay, one more would be
- perfection.
- 1093
- 01:00:48,125 --> 01:00:49,166
- - Only one more.
- 1094
- 01:00:49,250 --> 01:00:52,458
- Because I wouldn't want
- the neighbours to talk...
- 1095
- 01:00:54,417 --> 01:00:58,583
- - Okay, I just should move
- my car so they don't worry.
- 1096
- 01:00:58,667 --> 01:01:01,834
- - Oh, look at you,
- always thinking of others.
- 1097
- 01:01:05,542 --> 01:01:07,834
- (phone ringing)
- - Oh...
- 1098
- 01:01:10,750 --> 01:01:11,250
- Argh...
- - What?
- 1099
- 01:01:11,333 --> 01:01:13,542
- - My boss,
- 1100
- 01:01:13,625 --> 01:01:16,667
- passive-aggressive ninja.
- 1101
- 01:01:16,750 --> 01:01:19,542
- - What exactly is it that you do
- again?
- 1102
- 01:01:19,625 --> 01:01:21,458
- - Uh... business-to-business
- marketing
- 1103
- 01:01:21,542 --> 01:01:24,542
- for a small brewery special...
- (fake snoring)
- 1104
- 01:01:24,625 --> 01:01:26,709
- Yeah.
- 1105
- 01:01:26,792 --> 01:01:29,709
- But don't you worry, lady.
- I got other plans.
- 1106
- 01:01:30,542 --> 01:01:33,917
- - Why don't you just quit? Now?
- 1107
- 01:01:34,000 --> 01:01:36,875
- (chuckling)
- - What?
- 1108
- 01:01:38,542 --> 01:01:41,083
- - Use your largesse to strike
- out on your own in the world.
- 1109
- 01:01:41,166 --> 01:01:42,583
- (Ken chuckling)
- 1110
- 01:01:42,667 --> 01:01:43,917
- - Yeah, I'm working on it.
- 1111
- 01:01:47,041 --> 01:01:48,875
- - Wait, what's the word?
- 1112
- 01:01:50,792 --> 01:01:51,917
- Meow!
- 1113
- 01:01:55,583 --> 01:01:57,500
- - It's not that easy.
- 1114
- 01:01:57,583 --> 01:02:00,375
- - I double dog dare you.
- 1115
- 01:02:00,458 --> 01:02:02,583
- - Are you kidding?
- 1116
- 01:02:03,750 --> 01:02:07,000
- There's like, stuff that I've--
- 1117
- 01:02:07,083 --> 01:02:09,959
- - I triple triple... triple
- dog dare you.
- 1118
- 01:02:12,458 --> 01:02:15,625
- - Well, now it's fucking on.
- That last dog just, you know...
- 1119
- 01:02:15,709 --> 01:02:17,000
- - Just put you over the edge.
- 1120
- 01:02:18,625 --> 01:02:20,083
- (clearing throat)
- 1121
- 01:02:20,583 --> 01:02:22,625
- - Hi, we're not here right now--
- 1122
- 01:02:22,709 --> 01:02:24,750
- - Oh, went straight
- to voice mail.
- 1123
- 01:02:24,834 --> 01:02:27,875
- - Scorch the earth,
- motherfucker.
- 1124
- 01:02:31,041 --> 01:02:31,458
- (clearing throat)
- 1125
- 01:02:31,542 --> 01:02:35,166
- - Hey, it's Ken.
- 1126
- 01:02:35,250 --> 01:02:36,959
- Wall, uh...
- 1127
- 01:02:39,000 --> 01:02:41,000
- About that PowerPoint,
- I'm not gonna...
- 1128
- 01:02:41,083 --> 01:02:43,959
- I'm not gonna get to do it
- because...
- 1129
- 01:02:45,625 --> 01:02:47,834
- I quit.
- (Tracey gasping)
- 1130
- 01:02:47,917 --> 01:02:49,000
- Yeah.
- 1131
- 01:02:51,333 --> 01:02:53,041
- Uh... I quit. So, uh...
- 1132
- 01:02:55,583 --> 01:02:57,250
- And someone should probably
- tell you this, but...
- 1133
- 01:02:57,333 --> 01:03:01,875
- The way you micromanage
- the entire business makes
- everyone hate you
- 1134
- 01:03:01,959 --> 01:03:04,000
- and wastes the company
- a ton of money.
- 1135
- 01:03:04,083 --> 01:03:07,166
- And also, stop with the fucking
- hugging! Uh... oh, yeah.
- 1136
- 01:03:07,250 --> 01:03:09,792
- And also, an aneurysm is not
- a disease,
- 1137
- 01:03:09,875 --> 01:03:12,792
- so you can't have
- a fun run for it.
- 1138
- 01:03:12,875 --> 01:03:14,041
- So, alright, uh...
- 1139
- 01:03:15,583 --> 01:03:17,917
- - Yes!
- - Oh!
- 1140
- 01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:19,917
- - How does it feel?
- - Fuck!
- 1141
- 01:03:20,000 --> 01:03:22,041
- Like I'm gonna throw up?
- 1142
- 01:03:22,125 --> 01:03:23,291
- Do you have any water?
- 1143
- 01:03:23,375 --> 01:03:26,000
- - Yeah.
- 1144
- 01:03:32,333 --> 01:03:34,041
- (sighing)
- 1145
- 01:03:40,125 --> 01:03:43,709
- (Tracey): So how is the wifey
- gonna feel about this?
- 1146
- 01:03:43,792 --> 01:03:46,083
- - She can't get any madder
- than she already is, so...
- 1147
- 01:03:46,166 --> 01:03:47,792
- Yeah.
- 1148
- 01:03:47,875 --> 01:03:50,625
- Before I left, she asked me
- if I was dead inside.
- 1149
- 01:03:54,542 --> 01:03:55,041
- - Are you?
- 1150
- 01:03:57,500 --> 01:04:00,667
- - Uh... I mean...
- 1151
- 01:04:01,333 --> 01:04:03,583
- There's all these feelings
- 1152
- 01:04:03,667 --> 01:04:07,083
- that I am supposed to have
- as a new dad.
- 1153
- 01:04:09,500 --> 01:04:12,875
- And I want to feel them.
- 1154
- 01:04:22,208 --> 01:04:27,875
- My wife is actually
- a really amazing woman.
- 1155
- 01:04:32,333 --> 01:04:34,291
- - Yet you're sitting here
- drinking with a strange woman
- late at night.
- 1156
- 01:04:34,375 --> 01:04:36,208
- - Yeah.
- 1157
- 01:04:39,625 --> 01:04:42,792
- - You know, Ken, marriage isn't
- a "one size fits all" situation.
- 1158
- 01:04:42,875 --> 01:04:44,959
- - Does that mean
- I should be a Mormon?
- 1159
- 01:04:45,041 --> 01:04:46,667
- (chuckling)
- 1160
- 01:04:46,750 --> 01:04:48,917
- - Maybe what you need is
- a one-off.
- 1161
- 01:04:55,875 --> 01:04:59,083
- And just so you know,
- she never has to.
- 1162
- 01:05:11,417 --> 01:05:13,125
- (honking)
- 1163
- 01:05:22,333 --> 01:05:23,125
- (laughing)
- 1164
- 01:05:25,291 --> 01:05:26,375
- - Hey!
- 1165
- 01:05:26,458 --> 01:05:28,667
- - Hey, Jeff.
- What are you doing here?
- 1166
- 01:05:28,750 --> 01:05:29,959
- - You know, I called you,
- like, 50 times.
- 1167
- 01:05:30,041 --> 01:05:33,041
- I figured some hood rat
- must've popped you.
- 1168
- 01:05:33,125 --> 01:05:35,333
- I mean, the crime rate
- these days is--
- 1169
- 01:05:35,417 --> 01:05:37,208
- - Actually way down. So--
- 1170
- 01:05:37,291 --> 01:05:39,750
- - So he called my number.
- Sounds like karma.
- 1171
- 01:05:39,834 --> 01:05:43,000
- - Or directory assistance.
- 1172
- 01:05:43,083 --> 01:05:45,166
- - Do you realize I haven't seen
- Jeff in 20 years?
- 1173
- 01:05:45,250 --> 01:05:49,250
- - Really? So back
- to my original question.
- 1174
- 01:05:49,333 --> 01:05:51,959
- - Little wrinkle
- with your escape plan, Jacko.
- 1175
- 01:05:53,000 --> 01:05:55,333
- Your janitor friend... is lying.
- 1176
- 01:05:55,417 --> 01:05:57,166
- - So exciting.
- 1177
- 01:05:57,250 --> 01:05:59,709
- It's just like an episode
- of Law and Order.
- 1178
- 01:05:59,792 --> 01:06:03,083
- The original one. I don't care
- for the sexual assaults.
- 1179
- 01:06:03,166 --> 01:06:06,250
- Anybody wants some wine?
- - Does a rabbi work for tips?
- 1180
- 01:06:06,333 --> 01:06:08,709
- Take a look at the grass.
- You see what I mean?
- 1181
- 01:06:08,792 --> 01:06:10,792
- - Yeah. Now that it's bigger.
- 1182
- 01:06:10,875 --> 01:06:13,208
- - And the ashes.
- - Wrong colour.
- 1183
- 01:06:13,291 --> 01:06:16,083
- Andy was more light gray.
- - Your mom has a keen eye.
- 1184
- 01:06:16,166 --> 01:06:18,250
- - Why would he do that?
- - Well, that is the question.
- 1185
- 01:06:18,333 --> 01:06:21,208
- What was the particular make
- of your janitor?
- 1186
- 01:06:21,291 --> 01:06:22,250
- (Ken and Eve): Make?
- 1187
- 01:06:22,333 --> 01:06:23,959
- - Oh, come on, Mr. PC.
- 1188
- 01:06:24,041 --> 01:06:25,166
- Was he a recent arrival
- to our fair country?
- 1189
- 01:06:25,250 --> 01:06:28,625
- Did he have a preponderance
- of consonants in his name?
- 1190
- 01:06:28,709 --> 01:06:31,917
- Was he wearing a head covering
- that was religious
- and not decorative in nature?
- 1191
- 01:06:32,000 --> 01:06:33,166
- - Jeff, you're so verbal!
- 1192
- 01:06:33,250 --> 01:06:36,834
- - Yeah, a verbal racist.
- Oh, what are we gonna do?
- 1193
- 01:06:36,917 --> 01:06:39,709
- - Well, I'll tell you what...
- 1194
- 01:06:39,792 --> 01:06:42,041
- you call him and you tell him...
- 1195
- 01:06:42,834 --> 01:06:44,709
- I don't know what you tell him.
- 1196
- 01:06:44,792 --> 01:06:46,166
- You tell him you need the box
- back for insurance purposes.
- 1197
- 01:06:46,250 --> 01:06:49,750
- Then, we get his locale,
- we go pay him a visit.
- 1198
- 01:06:49,834 --> 01:06:51,250
- - Excellent idea.
- - Thank you, lady Eve.
- 1199
- 01:06:53,709 --> 01:06:56,041
- - Okay, okay.
- 1200
- 01:06:56,125 --> 01:06:59,875
- I can't think about this right
- now. I gotta go to sleep.
- 1201
- 01:07:00,333 --> 01:07:03,250
- Thanks for the info.
- We'll figure it out tomorrow.
- 1202
- 01:07:03,333 --> 01:07:05,208
- I'm gonna crash.
- 1203
- 01:07:07,083 --> 01:07:09,166
- - Good night.
- - Yeah.
- 1204
- 01:07:09,500 --> 01:07:11,417
- - Okay, well, I guess...
- 1205
- 01:07:11,500 --> 01:07:13,250
- I guess I should mosey.
- 1206
- 01:07:15,500 --> 01:07:17,375
- - Yeah, it's late.
- 1207
- 01:07:22,041 --> 01:07:26,083
- So how's your night vision?
- - I get by.
- 1208
- 01:07:26,750 --> 01:07:28,458
- - I bet you do.
- 1209
- 01:07:29,083 --> 01:07:30,792
- - You know, I remember
- when we first met,
- 1210
- 01:07:30,875 --> 01:07:33,875
- it was... a wedding at the club.
- 1211
- 01:07:33,959 --> 01:07:36,458
- And Andy pointed you out to me
- and I thought: Oh, my God.
- 1212
- 01:07:37,291 --> 01:07:39,000
- That was my best friend's
- ex-wife.
- - Stop.
- 1213
- 01:07:39,083 --> 01:07:41,250
- - You were wearing
- that little blue dress
- 1214
- 01:07:41,333 --> 01:07:43,583
- with a button at the top
- that just wouldn't stay
- 1215
- 01:07:43,667 --> 01:07:45,250
- buttoned.
- (grunting)
- 1216
- 01:07:47,583 --> 01:07:50,208
- Oh!
- 1217
- 01:07:51,959 --> 01:07:52,333
- (phone ringing)
- 1218
- 01:07:57,875 --> 01:08:00,667
- - Hey.
- - Good morning, sleepyhead.
- 1219
- 01:08:00,750 --> 01:08:03,125
- - How you doing?
- 1220
- 01:08:03,208 --> 01:08:04,834
- - Amazing.
- 1221
- 01:08:04,917 --> 01:08:06,792
- Your son actually slept
- through the night.
- 1222
- 01:08:06,875 --> 01:08:08,375
- - Oh, good.
- 1223
- 01:08:08,458 --> 01:08:10,959
- - Unlike someone
- who looks a bit rough.
- 1224
- 01:08:11,041 --> 01:08:14,500
- - Yeah, I didn't get the...
- 1225
- 01:08:14,583 --> 01:08:16,333
- best sleep, so...
- 1226
- 01:08:16,417 --> 01:08:19,500
- - Yeah, did your new friend
- Tracey keep you up?
- 1227
- 01:08:23,834 --> 01:08:25,333
- - What?
- 1228
- 01:08:25,417 --> 01:08:29,458
- - Tall, brunette, looks like
- a Romanian sex worker.
- 1229
- 01:08:29,542 --> 01:08:31,375
- - Tracey... Oh, Cam's neighbour.
- 1230
- 01:08:31,458 --> 01:08:35,417
- Uh, yeah, she stopped by.
- How did you...
- 1231
- 01:08:35,500 --> 01:08:36,875
- - Anne posted a photo
- on Facebook.
- 1232
- 01:08:36,959 --> 01:08:39,375
- You look nice and toasty.
- 1233
- 01:08:39,458 --> 01:08:42,166
- - Oh, no, she was...
- yeah, she was fun.
- 1234
- 01:08:42,250 --> 01:08:46,125
- It was, I mean, it was
- good to see Cam and...
- 1235
- 01:08:46,208 --> 01:08:47,083
- - It looked like fun
- 1236
- 01:08:47,166 --> 01:08:51,500
- and I'm glad you got to...
- go out.
- 1237
- 01:08:54,125 --> 01:08:56,875
- Sorry I haven't been
- really fun lately.
- 1238
- 01:08:56,959 --> 01:09:00,125
- - No, no. I'm the one
- in my own universe.
- 1239
- 01:09:00,208 --> 01:09:03,041
- I was such an asshole.
- I'm sorry.
- 1240
- 01:09:03,125 --> 01:09:06,000
- - No. I was a total bitch.
- - No, I was the bitch.
- 1241
- 01:09:06,083 --> 01:09:10,875
- I'm a super bitch.
- (Lori laughing)
- 1242
- 01:09:12,458 --> 01:09:15,250
- - Speaking of bitches,
- your boss called last night
- 1243
- 01:09:15,333 --> 01:09:18,792
- and left a weird message
- on our machine.
- 1244
- 01:09:18,875 --> 01:09:20,125
- - Fuck.
- 1245
- 01:09:20,625 --> 01:09:22,250
- I mean... okay.
- 1246
- 01:09:22,333 --> 01:09:25,083
- - Hey, so when's your flight?
- - Uh...
- 1247
- 01:09:25,166 --> 01:09:28,291
- (phone ringing)
- Hold on one second.
- 1248
- 01:09:28,625 --> 01:09:30,166
- Where are you?
- 1249
- 01:09:31,542 --> 01:09:33,834
- Oh, sweetie,
- I gotta get this real quick.
- 1250
- 01:09:33,917 --> 01:09:36,750
- - Sure, sure.
- If it's my new sister wife,
- tell her I said, "Whaddup!"
- 1251
- 01:09:36,834 --> 01:09:37,583
- - Ha-ha-ha. Not funny.
- 1252
- 01:09:37,667 --> 01:09:40,083
- I love you.
- 1253
- 01:09:40,166 --> 01:09:41,959
- - Alright, "shame spiral".
- Get some coffee.
- 1254
- 01:09:42,041 --> 01:09:42,417
- - Okay, bye.
- 1255
- 01:09:44,291 --> 01:09:45,834
- Hey, this is Ken.
- 1256
- 01:09:45,917 --> 01:09:47,959
- Yeah.
- 1257
- 01:09:48,041 --> 01:09:50,208
- Yes, the one with the ashes.
- 1258
- 01:09:51,417 --> 01:09:54,000
- Do you have other people
- that have ashes?
- 1259
- 01:09:58,834 --> 01:10:01,208
- (cheerful jazz music)
- 1260
- 01:10:06,333 --> 01:10:07,542
- (sighing)
- 1261
- 01:10:19,959 --> 01:10:21,208
- Jeff?
- 1262
- 01:10:24,208 --> 01:10:26,000
- - Hey.
- 1263
- 01:10:26,083 --> 01:10:27,959
- - What...
- Didn't you get my text?
- 1264
- 01:10:28,041 --> 01:10:29,041
- We're supposed to meet there.
- 1265
- 01:10:29,125 --> 01:10:32,250
- - Yeah, uh, sorry. Just, uh...
- 1266
- 01:10:32,333 --> 01:10:35,333
- It's kind of a senior moment.
- And...
- 1267
- 01:10:35,417 --> 01:10:36,458
- And I came here.
- 1268
- 01:10:43,333 --> 01:10:45,291
- Want to car pool?
- 1269
- 01:10:45,375 --> 01:10:47,208
- - Uh, uh... sure.
- 1270
- 01:10:47,291 --> 01:10:50,291
- - Yeah, great.
- Let's go together.
- 1271
- 01:10:50,375 --> 01:10:52,667
- - Weren't you... Were you
- wearing that yesterday?
- 1272
- 01:10:52,750 --> 01:10:55,291
- - No.
- 1273
- 01:10:56,583 --> 01:10:59,041
- So you just quit over the phone.
- 1274
- 01:10:59,125 --> 01:11:01,667
- - Yeah, I'm so screwed.
- 1275
- 01:11:01,750 --> 01:11:02,959
- Lori's gonna kill me.
- 1276
- 01:11:03,041 --> 01:11:06,291
- To my defense, there was a lot
- of weed and alcohol involved.
- 1277
- 01:11:07,250 --> 01:11:08,667
- - Well, if weed and alcohol
- were a defense,
- 1278
- 01:11:08,750 --> 01:11:11,000
- I'd be the CEO of Halliburton
- right now.
- 1279
- 01:11:11,083 --> 01:11:14,125
- Don't sweat it, kid.
- If Andy's ashes are in there,
- we'll make it right.
- 1280
- 01:11:15,208 --> 01:11:16,625
- - Oh.
- 1281
- 01:11:18,667 --> 01:11:21,083
- Hey.
- 1282
- 01:11:21,166 --> 01:11:22,375
- Who's the nut?
- 1283
- 01:11:23,166 --> 01:11:26,667
- - Uh, this is my friend, Jeff.
- 1284
- 01:11:29,166 --> 01:11:31,667
- - Hi.
- - Nice to meet you.
- 1285
- 01:11:31,750 --> 01:11:33,458
- - Nice to meet you.
- 1286
- 01:11:35,125 --> 01:11:37,875
- 20 bucks for my time, eh?
- - Yeah.
- 1287
- 01:11:37,959 --> 01:11:41,291
- - Okay, come on in!
- 1288
- 01:11:46,291 --> 01:11:48,125
- - Wow. Nice.
- 1289
- 01:11:53,792 --> 01:11:57,041
- (truck rumbling outside)
- (loudly): Yeah, so about
- that photo you sent...
- 1290
- 01:11:57,125 --> 01:11:59,709
- (janitor, loudly): Yeah,
- it's tough to do a selfie
- 1291
- 01:11:59,792 --> 01:12:01,750
- with a dead body, or a bag,
- I guess.
- 1292
- 01:12:01,834 --> 01:12:03,458
- - Yeah.
- 1293
- 01:12:03,542 --> 01:12:06,667
- Yeah, I don't think
- you'd actually know.
- 1294
- 01:12:11,417 --> 01:12:13,333
- - I don't follow.
- 1295
- 01:12:13,417 --> 01:12:15,208
- - You see, the...
- 1296
- 01:12:15,291 --> 01:12:18,583
- the field in that photo
- 1297
- 01:12:18,667 --> 01:12:21,291
- was the wrong colour.
- 1298
- 01:12:21,375 --> 01:12:23,375
- Astroturf has...
- 1299
- 01:12:24,250 --> 01:12:26,333
- has a certain
- blue-ish hue to it.
- 1300
- 01:12:26,417 --> 01:12:30,041
- (dog barking in the distance)
- And...
- 1301
- 01:12:31,041 --> 01:12:33,166
- unlike the...
- 1302
- 01:12:33,250 --> 01:12:35,417
- yard of a dog owner,
- 1303
- 01:12:35,500 --> 01:12:38,208
- there's not any brown spots
- where the dog...
- 1304
- 01:12:38,291 --> 01:12:39,625
- - Shits.
- 1305
- 01:12:39,709 --> 01:12:42,458
- And the consistency
- of the alleged ashes
- 1306
- 01:12:42,542 --> 01:12:45,583
- reminds one of say,
- litter of the kitty.
- 1307
- 01:12:48,250 --> 01:12:50,083
- - Man, I'm sorry.
- 1308
- 01:12:50,166 --> 01:12:52,291
- I was gonna do it, but they got
- cameras all over the stadium.
- 1309
- 01:12:52,375 --> 01:12:55,667
- - Just tell me you still have
- the ashes.
- 1310
- 01:12:55,750 --> 01:12:58,417
- - I actually was gonna just
- put them in the yard,
- 1311
- 01:12:58,500 --> 01:13:00,458
- but this is a human being
- we're talking about,
- 1312
- 01:13:00,542 --> 01:13:02,625
- a person who lived,
- who loved--
- 1313
- 01:13:02,709 --> 01:13:05,625
- - Yeah, who pooped and cried.
- Yeah, we get it.
- Where's our pen salesman?
- 1314
- 01:13:05,709 --> 01:13:07,417
- - My wife and I thought we
- should put him in a cemetery.
- 1315
- 01:13:07,500 --> 01:13:09,375
- There's a big tree
- by where my Nana's buried.
- 1316
- 01:13:09,458 --> 01:13:12,291
- We go up there
- every other week.
- 1317
- 01:13:12,375 --> 01:13:15,333
- - The remains,
- mop-jockey, Jesus H.
- - Sorry, they gotta be here!
- 1318
- 01:13:17,667 --> 01:13:18,625
- - Ask for your money back.
- 1319
- 01:13:20,709 --> 01:13:22,667
- - Yeah, he meant well.
- 1320
- 01:13:22,750 --> 01:13:24,625
- - Well, okay, but it kind of
- sets a precedent.
- 1321
- 01:13:25,875 --> 01:13:28,542
- - For what?
- 1322
- 01:13:28,625 --> 01:13:31,417
- Unlawful dumping
- of human remains?
- 1323
- 01:13:34,417 --> 01:13:37,625
- - Hey, is your mom always so...
- 1324
- 01:13:37,709 --> 01:13:40,750
- - ...obsessed with death?
- No, that's a new thing.
- 1325
- 01:13:40,834 --> 01:13:42,250
- - I was gonna say "forward".
- 1326
- 01:13:42,333 --> 01:13:45,000
- - What are you talking about?
- 1327
- 01:13:45,083 --> 01:13:47,166
- - Ah, forget it, then.
- 1328
- 01:13:47,250 --> 01:13:49,458
- I just wonder if I need a trip
- to the clinic.
- 1329
- 01:13:53,583 --> 01:13:54,625
- - Did you...
- 1330
- 01:13:55,583 --> 01:13:56,834
- Wait, after I...
- 1331
- 01:13:56,917 --> 01:13:58,000
- Did you fuck my mom?
- 1332
- 01:13:58,083 --> 01:14:01,083
- - Hey, I told you, man.
- We all grieve in our own way.
- 1333
- 01:14:01,166 --> 01:14:04,333
- - No, I bet very few of us
- grieve by sleeping
- with my mother,
- 1334
- 01:14:04,417 --> 01:14:06,125
- and then, worrying
- that they have STDs.
- 1335
- 01:14:06,208 --> 01:14:07,583
- - Ken, cool your jets! I'm not
- gonna start calling you "son".
- 1336
- 01:14:07,667 --> 01:14:10,583
- You don't have to buy me a card
- on Father's Day.
- 1337
- 01:14:10,667 --> 01:14:12,875
- We're not gonna go
- have a catch.
- 1338
- 01:14:12,959 --> 01:14:15,291
- But, by the way, there was
- very little sleeping going on,
- if you follow.
- 1339
- 01:14:15,375 --> 01:14:17,625
- - Got it!
- 1340
- 01:14:17,709 --> 01:14:22,500
- I put the bag in an empty cereal
- box, but that's where we
- normally keep the kitty litter.
- 1341
- 01:14:22,583 --> 01:14:26,417
- So I'm thinking the wife. She's
- at work right now, but she's--
- 1342
- 01:14:26,500 --> 01:14:27,542
- - For the love of God, man.
- 1343
- 01:14:27,625 --> 01:14:30,667
- - They're probably outside
- in the trash bin.
- 1344
- 01:14:32,417 --> 01:14:33,709
- (uptempo music)
- 1345
- 01:14:35,583 --> 01:14:37,750
- - Hey, Batman and Robin.
- 1346
- 01:14:37,834 --> 01:14:40,125
- You still owe me 20 bucks.
- 1347
- 01:14:40,208 --> 01:14:41,834
- - Hey, hey, wait!
- 1348
- 01:14:43,667 --> 01:14:44,625
- Hey, hey!
- 1349
- 01:14:47,959 --> 01:14:50,834
- Hey! Hey!
- 1350
- 01:14:53,208 --> 01:14:55,709
- Hey, hey!
- 1351
- 01:14:55,792 --> 01:14:57,417
- Stop the truck!
- 1352
- 01:14:57,500 --> 01:14:59,333
- (Ken hitting the floor)
- (grunting)
- 1353
- 01:14:59,417 --> 01:15:03,375
- (mumbling in foreign language)
- 1354
- 01:15:06,583 --> 01:15:08,917
- - What the hell is going on?
- - Sir!
- 1355
- 01:15:09,000 --> 01:15:11,750
- We need to get into the back
- of your truck!
- - For why?
- 1356
- 01:15:13,583 --> 01:15:16,625
- - There's a baby in there.
- - Oh, my God!
- 1357
- 01:15:16,709 --> 01:15:19,291
- - It crawled into a trash bag
- and fell asleep.
- 1358
- 01:15:19,375 --> 01:15:21,291
- - Holy shit! Call 9-1-1.
- 1359
- 01:15:21,375 --> 01:15:23,458
- Call 9-1-1.
- (Ken, grunting): No baby.
- There's no baby in there.
- 1360
- 01:15:23,542 --> 01:15:24,709
- - Well, it's a puppy.
- A dog baby.
- 1361
- 01:15:24,792 --> 01:15:27,875
- - There's no puppy.
- It's not a puppy baby.
- (panting)
- 1362
- 01:15:27,959 --> 01:15:31,500
- So, this is what a concussion
- feels like.
- 1363
- 01:15:31,583 --> 01:15:35,333
- Sir, we just need to get
- into the back of your truck
- to retrieve something.
- 1364
- 01:15:35,417 --> 01:15:37,583
- - This is a storage unit?
- 1365
- 01:15:37,667 --> 01:15:40,208
- For you to retrieve,
- there are many regulations.
- 1366
- 01:15:40,291 --> 01:15:42,500
- - Well, was it regulations you
- ran down my friend here?
- 1367
- 01:15:42,583 --> 01:15:45,834
- - What are you accusing me of?
- - We're not accusing you
- of anything, sir.
- 1368
- 01:15:45,917 --> 01:15:47,792
- - Ivan, can I call you Ivan?
- - Ivan.
- 1369
- 01:15:47,875 --> 01:15:50,458
- - My Slavic friend, you tell me
- what I have to do
- 1370
- 01:15:50,542 --> 01:15:52,917
- to put us
- in the back of that truck today.
- 1371
- 01:15:53,667 --> 01:15:55,959
- (Ken): You guys see the stars?
- 1372
- 01:15:57,041 --> 01:16:00,875
- - You like that?
- It won't take us long.
- - No.
- 1373
- 01:16:02,417 --> 01:16:05,041
- - Hi! My God, what happened?
- 1374
- 01:16:05,125 --> 01:16:08,834
- - Mom, what are you doing here?
- - What?! I don't get a "me" day?
- 1375
- 01:16:08,917 --> 01:16:11,083
- - Yeah, a little bump
- on the noggin. He's alright.
- 1376
- 01:16:11,166 --> 01:16:12,625
- - Did you find Andy?
- 1377
- 01:16:12,709 --> 01:16:15,917
- - Oh, yeah.
- He's in the corn flake box.
- 1378
- 01:16:16,000 --> 01:16:17,875
- Jeff told the garbage man
- about the dead puppies.
- 1379
- 01:16:17,959 --> 01:16:20,458
- So now, we're back
- at square uno.
- 1380
- 01:16:20,542 --> 01:16:24,917
- - You think you could keep up
- this spacey looking, drooling
- idiot bit a little while longer?
- 1381
- 01:16:25,000 --> 01:16:26,542
- - I think I have an actual
- head injury.
- 1382
- 01:16:26,625 --> 01:16:29,625
- I should probably go
- to the hospital.
- 1383
- 01:16:29,709 --> 01:16:31,834
- - Kids, these days.
- 1384
- 01:16:31,917 --> 01:16:34,875
- - Your uncle lost a foot
- in a combine accident once.
- He never made a peep.
- 1385
- 01:16:34,959 --> 01:16:37,917
- - Because maybe that's our play.
- There's a saying
- in the sales game:
- 1386
- 01:16:38,000 --> 01:16:40,667
- A man in a good suit can get
- almost anywhere
- 1387
- 01:16:40,750 --> 01:16:42,333
- if he walks with confidence.
- 1388
- 01:16:42,417 --> 01:16:44,625
- - More than anywhere.
- - Do you know any gimps?
- 1389
- 01:16:45,750 --> 01:16:47,125
- What, like, otherly gifted.
- Hello, anybody home?
- 1390
- 01:16:47,208 --> 01:16:51,792
- - A person with
- activity limitation is
- what we call them at work.
- 1391
- 01:16:51,875 --> 01:16:53,750
- - Okay.
- - Like his oldest friend, Cam.
- 1392
- 01:16:53,834 --> 01:16:55,709
- He's been in a wheelchair
- his whole life.
- 1393
- 01:16:55,792 --> 01:16:59,458
- - Now, that's the best news
- I've heard all day.
- 1394
- 01:17:01,542 --> 01:17:05,834
- - I just want you to know
- that I know how incredibly
- offensive this is.
- 1395
- 01:17:05,917 --> 01:17:08,959
- Just say the word
- and I won't do it.
- 1396
- 01:17:09,917 --> 01:17:13,709
- - Good. I'm glad you came
- to your senses.
- 1397
- 01:17:13,792 --> 01:17:16,458
- Do you realize
- how insensitive this is?
- 1398
- 01:17:17,667 --> 01:17:19,917
- - Yeah, man. I'm sorry.
- 1399
- 01:17:20,000 --> 01:17:21,959
- (laughing)
- - I'm just shitting you, man.
- 1400
- 01:17:22,041 --> 01:17:24,500
- Take it, you fucking
- wannabe able-ist.
- 1401
- 01:17:24,583 --> 01:17:26,834
- - Are you serious?
- - Oh, yeah. No, dude.
- I love this.
- 1402
- 01:17:26,917 --> 01:17:28,250
- People are terrified
- of these things.
- 1403
- 01:17:28,333 --> 01:17:32,000
- I free-rolled into more concerts
- than you can imagine.
- - You have?
- 1404
- 01:17:32,083 --> 01:17:32,959
- - Young Jeezy.
- First row.
- 1405
- 01:17:33,041 --> 01:17:35,542
- He was like, "Get on stage!"
- I was like,
- 1406
- 01:17:35,625 --> 01:17:37,542
- "Uh, there's no ramp."
- But it was like, a nice...
- 1407
- 01:17:37,625 --> 01:17:39,875
- it was nice of him
- to invite him.
- 1408
- 01:17:39,959 --> 01:17:42,625
- Look, I got you this.
- It might help.
- 1409
- 01:17:42,709 --> 01:17:45,792
- - What is this?
- - I'm a fixer, buddy.
- Solve your problems.
- 1410
- 01:17:45,875 --> 01:17:47,917
- - You're the best.
- - That's true.
- 1411
- 01:17:48,000 --> 01:17:49,583
- - I love you.
- - Alright, man. Go out there
- and make me proud.
- 1412
- 01:17:49,667 --> 01:17:52,458
- - Alright, I will.
- - Goddamn criminal.
- 1413
- 01:17:52,542 --> 01:17:55,375
- Remember not to move your legs.
- 1414
- 01:17:57,041 --> 01:17:58,041
- - Shit...
- 1415
- 01:18:00,375 --> 01:18:04,875
- - You know, I usually have men
- bolt out of my house
- after the fact.
- 1416
- 01:18:04,959 --> 01:18:06,333
- Not before.
- 1417
- 01:18:06,417 --> 01:18:09,583
- - Yeah. Sorry about that.
- 1418
- 01:18:09,667 --> 01:18:11,041
- - It's okay.
- 1419
- 01:18:11,125 --> 01:18:14,125
- You're a good guy.
- There's not a lot of you around.
- 1420
- 01:18:14,208 --> 01:18:15,542
- - Well...
- 1421
- 01:18:15,625 --> 01:18:19,750
- it was 50-50 there
- for a second.
- 1422
- 01:18:19,834 --> 01:18:20,834
- - No, it wasn't.
- 1423
- 01:18:20,917 --> 01:18:24,417
- Although,
- you would've had a lot of fun.
- 1424
- 01:18:24,500 --> 01:18:27,458
- I do a lot of Cirque du Soleil
- kind of stuff.
- 1425
- 01:18:27,542 --> 01:18:29,875
- And I'm seriously good at it.
- 1426
- 01:18:34,625 --> 01:18:37,542
- - Well, that was just mean.
- 1427
- 01:18:43,875 --> 01:18:45,750
- Pop it, Jeff!
- 1428
- 01:18:56,792 --> 01:18:58,917
- No, no, that's okay. I got it.
- 1429
- 01:18:59,000 --> 01:19:01,542
- - God, your mom is so flexible.
- 1430
- 01:19:05,792 --> 01:19:09,291
- - Okay. You ready?
- - Almost.
- 1431
- 01:19:09,375 --> 01:19:10,917
- - Hey! What the fuck?
- 1432
- 01:19:15,125 --> 01:19:17,959
- - You gotta trust me.
- God is in the details.
- 1433
- 01:19:19,417 --> 01:19:21,583
- Just watch and learn.
- 1434
- 01:19:25,000 --> 01:19:28,583
- Excuse me, young lady,
- that is a gorgeous blouse.
- 1435
- 01:19:28,667 --> 01:19:31,083
- Did you know this morning
- when you got up
- 1436
- 01:19:31,166 --> 01:19:32,583
- how it would just
- make your eyes pop?
- 1437
- 01:19:32,667 --> 01:19:34,834
- - Uh, how can I help you?
- 1438
- 01:19:34,917 --> 01:19:38,125
- - We are here to see John Travis
- in special events.
- 1439
- 01:19:38,208 --> 01:19:39,375
- Can you tell him
- Reggie Treehorne
- 1440
- 01:19:39,458 --> 01:19:42,000
- and his special friend from
- Rolling for the Cure are here?
- 1441
- 01:19:44,834 --> 01:19:47,583
- (whispering): Remember,
- you're mute.
- 1442
- 01:19:47,667 --> 01:19:49,458
- - Remember,
- it's not Rolling for the Cure.
- 1443
- 01:19:49,542 --> 01:19:52,500
- It's Roll for the Cure.
- Look at the fucking T-shirt.
- 1444
- 01:19:52,583 --> 01:19:54,750
- (receptionist): Uh, sorry.
- He's still at lunch.
- 1445
- 01:19:54,834 --> 01:19:56,542
- - Oh, did I get the time...
- 1446
- 01:19:56,625 --> 01:19:59,083
- Oh! Yeah, that's my bad.
- 1447
- 01:19:59,166 --> 01:20:01,542
- Uh, well, perhaps
- we could wait in his office.
- 1448
- 01:20:01,625 --> 01:20:03,125
- - I can't let you back there.
- 1449
- 01:20:03,208 --> 01:20:05,917
- - You know, I'm just not sure
- you want the optics
- 1450
- 01:20:06,000 --> 01:20:08,834
- of a special person
- loitering in the...
- 1451
- 01:20:08,917 --> 01:20:11,917
- in the waiting area.
- You know what I mean?
- 1452
- 01:20:14,542 --> 01:20:15,375
- - Sir.
- 1453
- 01:20:15,458 --> 01:20:17,542
- - It's a corporate image
- kind of thing,
- 1454
- 01:20:17,625 --> 01:20:19,792
- but if you're okay with that,
- I'm okay with that.
- 1455
- 01:20:20,875 --> 01:20:22,625
- We'll be right over here.
- 1456
- 01:20:23,959 --> 01:20:25,875
- Now.
- - Hmm...?
- 1457
- 01:20:25,959 --> 01:20:28,083
- (grunting loudly)
- 1458
- 01:20:28,166 --> 01:20:31,000
- Oh!
- - Is he okay?
- 1459
- 01:20:31,083 --> 01:20:32,834
- - Uh, you know, I don't know.
- 1460
- 01:20:33,792 --> 01:20:34,959
- Oh!
- 1461
- 01:20:35,041 --> 01:20:37,083
- Oh, he may need a bathroom.
- 1462
- 01:20:37,166 --> 01:20:39,792
- (sniffing)
- Yeah, yeah, without question.
- 1463
- 01:20:39,875 --> 01:20:41,000
- - The only bathroom we have
- is back there.
- 1464
- 01:20:41,083 --> 01:20:43,792
- - You know, that's okay.
- I've got wet wipes.
- 1465
- 01:20:43,875 --> 01:20:45,917
- If you could just...
- just get his belt for me.
- 1466
- 01:20:46,000 --> 01:20:48,792
- And be careful, you know,
- you think adult diapers are
- full on water-tight,
- 1467
- 01:20:48,875 --> 01:20:51,208
- but I've had some nasty
- surprises in my day.
- Haven't I, pal?
- 1468
- 01:20:51,291 --> 01:20:52,333
- (grunting)
- 1469
- 01:20:52,417 --> 01:20:56,083
- They call him the brown firehose
- down at the centre.
- 1470
- 01:20:56,166 --> 01:20:59,667
- It's not because of his dick.
- Thank you.
- (Ken grunting)
- 1471
- 01:21:02,875 --> 01:21:04,917
- We're gonna need
- more toilet paper.
- 1472
- 01:21:05,000 --> 01:21:07,083
- - Someone just checked
- this morning--
- - No, damn it, woman.
- 1473
- 01:21:07,166 --> 01:21:09,959
- This is not a drill.
- We're in shit-con four.
- You need to hustle up
- 1474
- 01:21:10,041 --> 01:21:13,625
- a pallet of double ply in a
- hurry or you're gonna need to
- repaint the whole bathroom.
- 1475
- 01:21:13,709 --> 01:21:14,083
- Is that what you want,
- to repaint?
- 1476
- 01:21:16,792 --> 01:21:18,667
- Okay.
- 1477
- 01:21:20,959 --> 01:21:23,166
- (sighing)
- - You are pretty good at this.
- 1478
- 01:21:23,250 --> 01:21:24,125
- - You should see me
- with an angry husband
- 1479
- 01:21:24,208 --> 01:21:26,792
- when I'm nut-to-cheek
- with his old lady.
- 1480
- 01:21:26,875 --> 01:21:28,917
- Come on, buddy, you got
- all the time you need.
- 1481
- 01:21:37,750 --> 01:21:40,250
- (inspirational music)
- 1482
- 01:21:50,250 --> 01:21:52,792
- (Jeff): And I know
- most guys would disagree,
- 1483
- 01:21:52,875 --> 01:21:55,125
- but I found something
- incredibly erotic
- 1484
- 01:21:55,208 --> 01:21:58,667
- about control top undergarments.
- You know, holding so much back.
- 1485
- 01:21:58,750 --> 01:22:01,041
- But I'm taking about the bustier
- as a metaphor
- for aspirations of the heart.
- 1486
- 01:22:15,250 --> 01:22:18,208
- (Jeff): It's funny
- when you think about it.
- I mean, the more you...
- 1487
- 01:22:18,291 --> 01:22:21,000
- the more you sort of
- invite stuff to happen...
- - I like it.
- 1488
- 01:22:21,083 --> 01:22:24,250
- - ...the more it can happen.
- Do you know what I mean?
- - Sure.
- 1489
- 01:22:24,333 --> 01:22:27,041
- - He's gonna need a seltzer,
- I think.
- 1490
- 01:22:36,834 --> 01:22:38,959
- - Alright, bud.
- 1491
- 01:22:39,041 --> 01:22:41,125
- (uplifting music)
- 1492
- 01:22:53,458 --> 01:22:55,625
- (music stops)
- (woman sighing)
- 1493
- 01:22:55,709 --> 01:22:57,792
- - Balls.
- 1494
- 01:23:00,291 --> 01:23:02,166
- (sighing)
- Security?
- 1495
- 01:23:02,625 --> 01:23:05,208
- (tense music)
- 1496
- 01:23:21,834 --> 01:23:24,166
- (spitting)
- (grunting)
- 1497
- 01:23:28,166 --> 01:23:29,875
- (grunting)
- 1498
- 01:23:38,208 --> 01:23:40,875
- - Do I have to get a Hazmat team
- out here?
- 1499
- 01:23:40,959 --> 01:23:42,041
- - No.
- 1500
- 01:23:42,125 --> 01:23:45,166
- Like I said,
- I'm not a terrorist.
- 1501
- 01:23:45,250 --> 01:23:48,083
- - Prove it. Make him eat some.
- - How would that...
- 1502
- 01:23:48,166 --> 01:23:50,917
- I'm not going to eat
- my dad's ashes.
- 1503
- 01:23:51,000 --> 01:23:53,750
- - See?
- - See what?
- 1504
- 01:23:53,834 --> 01:23:55,417
- That I'm not a necro-cannibal?
- 1505
- 01:23:56,000 --> 01:23:59,041
- - Okay, let's say that's true.
- 1506
- 01:23:59,125 --> 01:24:01,417
- - That would be nice.
- 1507
- 01:24:01,500 --> 01:24:04,166
- - You get why we can't have
- people throwing human remains
- on the playing surface?
- 1508
- 01:24:04,250 --> 01:24:06,750
- Hygiene, workplace
- health and safety.
- 1509
- 01:24:06,834 --> 01:24:09,500
- You know, I started here
- in high school.
- 1510
- 01:24:09,583 --> 01:24:11,875
- We've had drunks, streakers,
- 1511
- 01:24:11,959 --> 01:24:15,875
- a Morganna the Kissing Bandit
- wannabe, but...
- 1512
- 01:24:18,208 --> 01:24:19,750
- never a corpse.
- 1513
- 01:24:20,375 --> 01:24:22,208
- - It was his dying wish.
- 1514
- 01:24:22,583 --> 01:24:24,000
- He, uh...
- 1515
- 01:24:24,083 --> 01:24:27,917
- gave up season tickets
- for me and my mom.
- 1516
- 01:24:28,917 --> 01:24:30,458
- - What was your old man's name?
- 1517
- 01:24:30,542 --> 01:24:33,291
- - Andy Wall.
- 1518
- 01:24:33,375 --> 01:24:36,000
- - So a real fan, huh?
- 1519
- 01:24:36,083 --> 01:24:39,125
- - Why else would you want
- large men
- 1520
- 01:24:39,208 --> 01:24:43,083
- bleeding and sweating all over
- your final resting place?
- 1521
- 01:24:51,083 --> 01:24:52,333
- Why do you have
- a picture of my dad?
- 1522
- 01:24:54,917 --> 01:24:59,458
- - I've never seen someone
- that drunk run that fast.
- 1523
- 01:25:00,917 --> 01:25:03,125
- We figured he was trying
- to piss on the team logo.
- 1524
- 01:25:03,208 --> 01:25:06,000
- To explain why his penis
- was exposed.
- 1525
- 01:25:06,333 --> 01:25:10,125
- Although, we were 3 and 15
- that year. So...
- 1526
- 01:25:10,208 --> 01:25:11,208
- I get the impulse.
- 1527
- 01:25:15,166 --> 01:25:17,458
- - You gotta be kidding me.
- 1528
- 01:25:23,458 --> 01:25:25,917
- - Your old man
- could really hold a grudge.
- 1529
- 01:25:26,000 --> 01:25:28,083
- (knocking on door)
- 1530
- 01:25:30,917 --> 01:25:33,041
- - Well, do we need to evacuate?
- 1531
- 01:25:33,125 --> 01:25:36,375
- - Hmm... I think
- we're good here.
- 1532
- 01:25:39,041 --> 01:25:39,375
- (door closing)
- 1533
- 01:25:44,208 --> 01:25:45,375
- Voluntary lifetime ban.
- 1534
- 01:26:02,625 --> 01:26:03,375
- Just like your old man.
- 1535
- 01:26:17,458 --> 01:26:19,166
- Hey, hey.
- 1536
- 01:26:20,417 --> 01:26:23,166
- You want to leave him out in the
- parking lot by a sewer grate?
- 1537
- 01:26:23,250 --> 01:26:25,125
- We could turn a blind eye.
- 1538
- 01:26:25,208 --> 01:26:26,291
- - He obviously liked
- to tailgate.
- 1539
- 01:26:34,291 --> 01:26:37,291
- - Hey, what hap-- Oh, God!
- What?
- 1540
- 01:26:37,375 --> 01:26:39,583
- - He gave up the tickets
- for his family, huh?
- 1541
- 01:26:39,667 --> 01:26:40,750
- - Oh, hey! Calm down!
- 1542
- 01:26:40,834 --> 01:26:44,667
- - The one decent thing I thought
- he ever did is bullshit.
- 1543
- 01:26:44,750 --> 01:26:48,083
- - Look, he hoped the ashes
- would maybe curse the team
- for the rest of time.
- 1544
- 01:26:48,166 --> 01:26:50,208
- And in his defense,
- his pain meds were kicking in
- pretty good.
- 1545
- 01:26:50,291 --> 01:26:53,375
- You should hear
- what I talked him out of.
- 1546
- 01:26:53,458 --> 01:26:56,333
- - Did he tell you to lie to me?
- - It was an agreed upon
- approach.
- 1547
- 01:26:56,417 --> 01:26:59,291
- I mean, if the money
- didn't hook you,
- we had the old heart-strings.
- 1548
- 01:26:59,375 --> 01:27:01,667
- - Does my mom know?
- - What?
- 1549
- 01:27:01,750 --> 01:27:03,542
- Don't blame it on your mom.
- She wanted you to have
- one nice memory of your dad.
- 1550
- 01:27:05,166 --> 01:27:07,375
- - See you around, Jeff.
- 1551
- 01:27:07,458 --> 01:27:10,125
- - Hey! Where are you going?
- You don't have a job.
- 1552
- 01:27:10,208 --> 01:27:11,959
- You need to do this.
- 1553
- 01:27:12,041 --> 01:27:14,542
- - Yeah, I wouldn't scatter
- his ashes for a million dollars.
- 1554
- 01:27:14,625 --> 01:27:18,417
- - Oh, yeah. So you're just gonna
- let the golf club build
- a new steam room.
- 1555
- 01:27:18,500 --> 01:27:19,458
- Look, I can't defend the guy.
- 1556
- 01:27:19,542 --> 01:27:22,542
- But, you know,
- I care about the old jackass.
- 1557
- 01:27:22,625 --> 01:27:24,542
- - Yeah, well,
- that makes one of us.
- 1558
- 01:27:24,625 --> 01:27:25,959
- - Let me explain something
- to you.
- 1559
- 01:27:26,041 --> 01:27:31,083
- Your dad was not proud
- of some of the choices
- he made in his life.
- 1560
- 01:27:31,166 --> 01:27:34,250
- And his biggest regret was
- his estrangement from you.
- 1561
- 01:27:35,709 --> 01:27:38,291
- And the afternoon
- he told me about it...
- 1562
- 01:27:39,291 --> 01:27:42,000
- I mean, it just broke my heart.
- 1563
- 01:27:44,583 --> 01:27:46,166
- - Fuck you.
- 1564
- 01:27:46,250 --> 01:27:47,583
- - Oh, I gave it a shot.
- But fuck what he wants.
- 1565
- 01:27:47,667 --> 01:27:52,125
- And fuck that dumb part of your
- ego that wants to spite him.
- 1566
- 01:27:52,208 --> 01:27:54,000
- Fuck your pride
- two times on Sunday!
- 1567
- 01:27:54,083 --> 01:27:56,166
- Just fucking be
- the better man!
- 1568
- 01:27:57,125 --> 01:27:59,041
- Or 20 years from now,
- 1569
- 01:27:59,125 --> 01:28:01,375
- you can look back on your life,
- whatever it is you do,
- 1570
- 01:28:01,458 --> 01:28:04,667
- and you'll be able to say,
- "Wow, was I ever a pussy!"
- 1571
- 01:28:04,750 --> 01:28:07,375
- - Yeah, well, at least
- I'm a pussy who can provide
- for his family.
- 1572
- 01:28:07,458 --> 01:28:09,542
- - Or a pussy who drinks himself
- to sleep every night
- 1573
- 01:28:09,625 --> 01:28:11,959
- and starts banging
- his overweight secretary
- 1574
- 01:28:12,041 --> 01:28:14,542
- just because her muted cries
- of ecstasy from the copy room
- 1575
- 01:28:14,625 --> 01:28:16,375
- are the only thing that make him
- feel half-alive.
- 1576
- 01:28:17,542 --> 01:28:20,250
- - Well, that was...
- was really specific.
- 1577
- 01:28:20,333 --> 01:28:23,542
- - Because that's the way
- it always happens.
- 1578
- 01:28:23,625 --> 01:28:26,250
- Your family can't be happy
- unless you're happy.
- 1579
- 01:28:26,333 --> 01:28:28,583
- And you, my son, are one
- mopey fuck.
- 1580
- 01:28:31,375 --> 01:28:33,542
- So your dad had me lie to you.
- 1581
- 01:28:33,625 --> 01:28:35,625
- You wanted to know more
- about him?
- 1582
- 01:28:35,709 --> 01:28:37,709
- Well, maybe that's all
- there is to know.
- 1583
- 01:28:37,792 --> 01:28:39,500
- So fucking what?
- 1584
- 01:28:40,750 --> 01:28:42,208
- Life is a series of trade-offs.
- 1585
- 01:28:42,291 --> 01:28:44,750
- And they don't all have
- to be bad.
- 1586
- 01:28:44,834 --> 01:28:47,333
- Just...
- 1587
- 01:28:48,208 --> 01:28:50,333
- get this done.
- 1588
- 01:28:50,417 --> 01:28:53,333
- And then,
- don't think about him again.
- 1589
- 01:28:58,375 --> 01:29:01,542
- - We were really close,
- weren't we?
- 1590
- 01:29:01,625 --> 01:29:02,750
- - Yes!
- 1591
- 01:29:02,834 --> 01:29:04,458
- - You know, right on the field.
- 1592
- 01:29:04,542 --> 01:29:07,291
- - Inches from greatness.
- 1593
- 01:29:07,667 --> 01:29:08,792
- - Inches.
- - Inches.
- 1594
- 01:29:08,875 --> 01:29:13,166
- As the ladies always tell me.
- I kid. I get the job done.
- 1595
- 01:29:17,041 --> 01:29:19,709
- (plane whizzing by)
- 1596
- 01:29:22,000 --> 01:29:24,542
- (grunting)
- Come on!
- 1597
- 01:29:25,834 --> 01:29:27,750
- - What time is it?
- 1598
- 01:29:31,875 --> 01:29:33,583
- Got you.
- 1599
- 01:29:36,291 --> 01:29:36,667
- Oh, fuck.
- 1600
- 01:29:36,750 --> 01:29:39,375
- Uh...
- 1601
- 01:29:40,667 --> 01:29:42,583
- (uptempo music)
- 1602
- 01:29:47,250 --> 01:29:48,709
- (Ken): What time is it?
- 1603
- 01:29:48,792 --> 01:29:51,000
- (Jeff): Society really started
- going the wrong way
- 1604
- 01:29:51,083 --> 01:29:53,750
- when they took prayer
- out of schools. And then,
- stopped wearing watches.
- 1605
- 01:29:53,834 --> 01:29:54,625
- (Ken): Can we focus, please?
- 1606
- 01:29:54,709 --> 01:29:55,625
- (Jeff): You really got
- 15 minutes?
- 1607
- 01:29:58,583 --> 01:30:01,125
- (man on video): If we're
- a little bit too sensitive,
- 1608
- 01:30:01,208 --> 01:30:03,000
- you're gonna be
- all over the place.
- 1609
- 01:30:03,083 --> 01:30:05,625
- So what you need to do
- is you need to...
- (indistinct)
- 1610
- 01:30:05,709 --> 01:30:06,959
- ...so that you're not gonna be
- flying all over...
- 1611
- 01:30:07,041 --> 01:30:10,709
- - Alright, I think I got this.
- Alright. I need my dad's phone.
- 1612
- 01:30:10,792 --> 01:30:11,959
- - What?
- - I need my dad's phone.
- 1613
- 01:30:12,041 --> 01:30:15,041
- I gotta tape it to the plane
- so we could live stream it.
- 1614
- 01:30:15,125 --> 01:30:17,125
- - No. I'd really hate to burn
- the roll over minutes.
- 1615
- 01:30:17,208 --> 01:30:19,250
- - Give me the phone.
- 1616
- 01:30:21,583 --> 01:30:26,125
- What's Vince's e-mail?
- - Littleflatstick69@aol.com
- 1617
- 01:30:27,333 --> 01:30:29,542
- - Okay. Flip that over.
- 1618
- 01:30:34,709 --> 01:30:37,125
- Okay, Dad. Let's go.
- 1619
- 01:30:37,208 --> 01:30:37,917
- Put it right there.
- 1620
- 01:30:38,000 --> 01:30:40,500
- Here, hold this.
- 1621
- 01:30:44,667 --> 01:30:46,792
- Alright, we got power.
- Here we go.
- 1622
- 01:30:47,834 --> 01:30:49,500
- There we go. Come on, come on.
- 1623
- 01:30:49,583 --> 01:30:50,792
- Oh!
- - You're up, you're up.
- 1624
- 01:30:54,834 --> 01:30:58,333
- - Alright! Come on, baby.
- Alright, oh!
- 1625
- 01:30:58,417 --> 01:31:00,375
- We got it.
- 1626
- 01:31:00,458 --> 01:31:02,208
- This is easy.
- Wait, wait. It's going around.
- 1627
- 01:31:02,291 --> 01:31:04,333
- - It's coming right at us!
- Oh, whoa!
- 1628
- 01:31:04,417 --> 01:31:06,208
- - Alright, come on.
- 1629
- 01:31:06,291 --> 01:31:08,583
- - Just stop moving!
- - Alright, I'm not.
- - Uh-oh!
- 1630
- 01:31:08,667 --> 01:31:10,458
- - There we go.
- - Oh! That's a straight line.
- 1631
- 01:31:10,542 --> 01:31:12,834
- That's the whole job.
- Right there.
- 1632
- 01:31:15,333 --> 01:31:16,834
- No, you're a natural.
- 1633
- 01:31:18,500 --> 01:31:20,750
- I can see right into
- the stadium.
- 1634
- 01:31:20,834 --> 01:31:22,792
- That's it.
- You got it, you got it. Look!
- 1635
- 01:31:22,875 --> 01:31:25,291
- - Come on.
- - You gotta get higher.
- 1636
- 01:31:28,375 --> 01:31:31,709
- (humming Ride of the Valkyries)
- 1637
- 01:31:36,375 --> 01:31:38,667
- (humming together)
- 1638
- 01:31:52,542 --> 01:31:56,291
- (police siren beeping)
- - Uh-oh!
- 1639
- 01:32:00,375 --> 01:32:02,000
- Hold it steady.
- - How you doing?
- 1640
- 01:32:02,083 --> 01:32:04,250
- Just making a quick phone call.
- - Come on, come on. Faster.
- 1641
- 01:32:04,333 --> 01:32:06,750
- (Ride of the Valkyries playing)
- 1642
- 01:32:10,625 --> 01:32:12,250
- Hold it steady.
- 1643
- 01:32:12,333 --> 01:32:14,333
- - Quick, behind
- the serial killer van.
- 1644
- 01:32:14,417 --> 01:32:15,875
- - Hold it steady.
- 1645
- 01:32:18,542 --> 01:32:20,250
- - We're losing it,
- we're losing it.
- 1646
- 01:32:20,333 --> 01:32:21,750
- - Slow and steady. I can't see.
- - You got it.
- 1647
- 01:32:21,834 --> 01:32:25,333
- - Just need a little more.
- (police siren beeping)
- 1648
- 01:32:25,417 --> 01:32:27,208
- - Nice and tight.
- 1649
- 01:32:27,291 --> 01:32:29,458
- (police officer):
- Drop your weapon!
- - Good evening, officer.
- 1650
- 01:32:29,542 --> 01:32:32,500
- Just... not a weapon.
- - Drop whatever is in your hand!
- 1651
- 01:32:32,583 --> 01:32:34,458
- - Just a little more time.
- 1652
- 01:32:34,542 --> 01:32:37,834
- - Gonna get down very slowly.
- - I'm not gonna ask you again.
- 1653
- 01:32:37,917 --> 01:32:39,875
- - Putting it down.
- 1654
- 01:32:40,417 --> 01:32:41,667
- (whispering): Got it.
- 1655
- 01:32:44,875 --> 01:32:47,375
- (suspenseful music)
- 1656
- 01:32:51,041 --> 01:32:53,917
- (crashing)
- 1657
- 01:32:56,500 --> 01:32:57,375
- - Got it.
- 1658
- 01:32:57,458 --> 01:32:59,709
- Rest in peace, asshole.
- 1659
- 01:33:02,458 --> 01:33:04,375
- - Hands on the van!
- 1660
- 01:33:11,041 --> 01:33:14,333
- - And I tell you, if we weren't
- a couple of white guys,
- 1661
- 01:33:14,417 --> 01:33:16,667
- we would've been tased,
- beaten and pepper-sprayed.
- 1662
- 01:33:16,750 --> 01:33:20,083
- It's nice to know being
- a tax-paying citizen is still
- good for some in this country.
- 1663
- 01:33:20,166 --> 01:33:22,250
- - Okay. Here we go.
- 1664
- 01:33:23,375 --> 01:33:25,959
- - Even though I lost a friend,
- I feel like I gained...
- 1665
- 01:33:27,083 --> 01:33:28,959
- his hot ex-wife.
- 1666
- 01:33:29,041 --> 01:33:30,625
- To leave a woman that's so...
- 1667
- 01:33:30,709 --> 01:33:33,291
- - Don't be gross.
- Please don't be gross.
- 1668
- 01:33:33,375 --> 01:33:34,959
- - ...vital.
- 1669
- 01:33:35,959 --> 01:33:39,417
- Juicy. I mean,
- which at her age... come on.
- 1670
- 01:33:39,500 --> 01:33:42,625
- - I understand. The more
- that I ask you to stop,
- the more you keep going.
- 1671
- 01:33:43,834 --> 01:33:46,542
- Just like in my mom.
- (chuckling)
- 1672
- 01:33:48,500 --> 01:33:51,667
- - What?
- - For my grandson.
- 1673
- 01:33:53,458 --> 01:33:57,375
- Your father gave this to me
- on our first date.
- 1674
- 01:33:57,458 --> 01:34:00,041
- - That's really... sweet.
- 1675
- 01:34:00,125 --> 01:34:02,583
- - He had his moments.
- 1676
- 01:34:02,667 --> 01:34:04,750
- - Okay, well,
- if you'll excuse me.
- 1677
- 01:34:04,834 --> 01:34:05,709
- Your mom's coffee goes
- through me
- 1678
- 01:34:05,792 --> 01:34:08,417
- like a welfare mom
- through food stamps.
- 1679
- 01:34:08,500 --> 01:34:09,792
- (phone chiming)
- - Oh.
- 1680
- 01:34:11,125 --> 01:34:12,125
- Oh, that's my Uber. Okay.
- 1681
- 01:34:12,208 --> 01:34:14,792
- Gotta go.
- 1682
- 01:34:15,458 --> 01:34:17,917
- So I guess I'll see you
- when I get back here.
- 1683
- 01:34:18,000 --> 01:34:19,625
- - Oh.
- 1684
- 01:34:19,709 --> 01:34:21,625
- I thought you said I could
- come visit you next month.
- 1685
- 01:34:21,709 --> 01:34:22,375
- - What about the...
- 1686
- 01:34:22,458 --> 01:34:25,750
- the office
- and the birthdays?
- 1687
- 01:34:25,834 --> 01:34:28,000
- - There's more to life
- than just work.
- 1688
- 01:34:30,458 --> 01:34:33,542
- - I would like that.
- Bring Jeff if you'd like.
- 1689
- 01:34:33,625 --> 01:34:35,041
- - Oh, don't jump ahead.
- 1690
- 01:34:35,125 --> 01:34:36,208
- We're just friends.
- 1691
- 01:34:36,291 --> 01:34:39,583
- I mean... with the benefit.
- Is that how you say it?
- 1692
- 01:34:39,667 --> 01:34:42,625
- - That is how you say it, yes.
- 1693
- 01:34:42,709 --> 01:34:45,041
- - He certainly has some
- interesting views.
- 1694
- 01:34:45,125 --> 01:34:47,166
- - Mmm... yeah, you could...
- 1695
- 01:34:47,250 --> 01:34:49,792
- you could help him out.
- 1696
- 01:34:49,875 --> 01:34:52,041
- I always said
- you needed a hobby.
- 1697
- 01:34:52,125 --> 01:34:53,834
- - It's kind of nice to be liked.
- 1698
- 01:34:53,917 --> 01:34:57,709
- It's a good reason
- to get up in the morning.
- 1699
- 01:34:58,625 --> 01:34:59,875
- - Yeah.
- 1700
- 01:35:01,959 --> 01:35:03,333
- (sighing)
- - Go.
- 1701
- 01:35:03,417 --> 01:35:04,500
- - Okay.
- 1702
- 01:35:04,583 --> 01:35:07,417
- Uh, hey, Jeff!
- I gotta get going.
- 1703
- 01:35:07,500 --> 01:35:08,917
- (Jeff): Yeah.
- I'd come and say goodbye,
- 1704
- 01:35:09,000 --> 01:35:11,959
- but I'm dealing with a real
- Cancun omelette in here.
- 1705
- 01:35:12,041 --> 01:35:13,709
- - Okay.
- 1706
- 01:35:15,917 --> 01:35:17,542
- (snoring)
- 1707
- 01:35:25,667 --> 01:35:28,917
- (baby cooing)
- (Ken, on baby monitor):
- It's okay. It's okay.
- 1708
- 01:35:29,917 --> 01:35:32,542
- I'm gonna read you
- a little story here.
- 1709
- 01:35:33,750 --> 01:35:38,500
- Fully equipped
- 2,000 square-foot
- 1710
- 01:35:38,583 --> 01:35:40,959
- with incidental liquor.
- 1711
- 01:35:41,041 --> 01:35:44,458
- Sidewalk cafe patio.
- 1712
- 01:35:44,542 --> 01:35:46,792
- Hear that?
- 1713
- 01:35:46,875 --> 01:35:48,792
- Package good.
- 1714
- 01:35:48,875 --> 01:35:50,625
- Looks good.
- 1715
- 01:35:50,709 --> 01:35:54,792
- Tobacco license.
- No smoking for you.
- 1716
- 01:35:54,875 --> 01:35:56,125
- (baby cooing)
- 1717
- 01:35:56,208 --> 01:35:59,834
- This one is 1,100 square-foot
- 1718
- 01:35:59,917 --> 01:36:04,583
- with an 800-square-foot
- basement.
- 1719
- 01:36:04,667 --> 01:36:08,500
- C-3 zoned.
- 1720
- 01:36:08,583 --> 01:36:10,583
- Hot location.
- 1721
- 01:36:10,667 --> 01:36:12,667
- - Hot location?
- 1722
- 01:36:12,750 --> 01:36:15,583
- You know, that was my band's
- name in high school.
- 1723
- 01:36:17,250 --> 01:36:18,625
- Oh, my God.
- 1724
- 01:36:18,709 --> 01:36:22,333
- Is that a smile? Did it hurt?
- 1725
- 01:36:22,417 --> 01:36:25,792
- - No. But this might.
- 1726
- 01:36:26,667 --> 01:36:28,750
- What would you say
- 1727
- 01:36:28,834 --> 01:36:32,000
- if I told you
- that I quit my job?
- 1728
- 01:36:33,250 --> 01:36:36,041
- - I'd say,
- 1729
- 01:36:36,125 --> 01:36:37,875
- do you really think
- the fact that what's-his-name's
- 1730
- 01:36:38,000 --> 01:36:41,375
- almost out is gonna keep me
- from yelling at you?
- 1731
- 01:36:41,458 --> 01:36:43,041
- - That was the plan.
- 1732
- 01:36:47,917 --> 01:36:49,750
- - Wake me up
- when you come to bed.
- 1733
- 01:36:49,834 --> 01:36:53,000
- - You wanna talk about it
- tonight?
- 1734
- 01:36:53,333 --> 01:36:55,792
- - No.
- 1735
- 01:36:55,875 --> 01:36:58,000
- I don't want to talk tonight.
- 1736
- 01:36:59,291 --> 01:37:02,166
- (soft music)
- 1737
- 01:37:04,166 --> 01:37:05,542
- - Oh.
- 1738
- 01:37:06,917 --> 01:37:09,583
- Okay. One more story.
- 1739
- 01:37:11,709 --> 01:37:13,208
- Once upon a time...
- 1740
- 01:37:13,291 --> 01:37:16,000
- there was...
- 1741
- 01:37:17,458 --> 01:37:19,041
- this golfer.
- 1742
- 01:37:19,125 --> 01:37:23,083
- And one day, he came home late
- from the golf course.
- 1743
- 01:37:23,166 --> 01:37:24,583
- (soft rock music)
- 1744
- 01:37:24,667 --> 01:37:27,041
- ♪ Somewhere along the way ♪
- 1745
- 01:37:30,667 --> 01:37:33,917
- ♪ I got off on the side roads ♪
- 1746
- 01:37:37,125 --> 01:37:40,542
- ♪ Somewhere along the way ♪
- 1747
- 01:37:43,083 --> 01:37:46,041
- ♪ I found where my heart goes ♪
- 1748
- 01:37:46,709 --> 01:37:49,583
- ♪ Because now I know ♪
- 1749
- 01:37:49,667 --> 01:37:54,875
- ♪ Sometimes the path
- in front of us is hard to see ♪
- 1750
- 01:38:00,166 --> 01:38:02,709
- ♪ Lying in your bed ♪
- 1751
- 01:38:04,959 --> 01:38:07,917
- ♪ The worries in your head ♪
- 1752
- 01:38:09,709 --> 01:38:14,917
- ♪ If I try maybe
- I could be like you ♪
- 1753
- 01:38:19,709 --> 01:38:22,917
- ♪ Somewhere along the way ♪
- 1754
- 01:38:24,750 --> 01:38:29,083
- ♪ I got off on the side roads ♪
- 1755
- 01:38:31,917 --> 01:38:35,083
- ♪ And somewhere along the way ♪
- 1756
- 01:38:38,125 --> 01:38:41,709
- ♪ I followed
- where my heart goes ♪
- 1757
- 01:38:42,208 --> 01:38:44,250
- ♪ Because now I know ♪
- 1758
- 01:38:44,917 --> 01:38:49,959
- ♪ Sometimes the path
- in front of us is hard to see ♪
- 1759
- 01:38:54,750 --> 01:38:59,291
- ♪ I guess I needed
- a little faith in me ♪
- 1760
- 01:39:04,375 --> 01:39:09,291
- ♪ Somewhere along the way ♪
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