pp

halflingmerry 2017-2-4 12:17PM
I hate to be this player but I think I need some help. /buries face/
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halflingmerry an hour ago
And Keaton's under the weather and there isn't actually an issue… IDK.

halflingmerry an hour ago
Let me know if I should go through other channels.

halflingmerry an hour ago
…I don't even want to make this a mod issue I just don't think I can go to the source again and talking to absolutely anybody else would be me being an utter jerk.

halflingmerry an hour ago
So… yeah. I guess I just need someone else's assessment on whether this even IS an issue or if I just need to get the f over it. (Which I've been trying and failing to do but instead I'm psyched out.)

ѕℓєєρу ωιѕтєяια an hour ago
not to be rude but i kind of need to know what the issue is before i can weigh in on it

halflingmerry an hour ago
/laughs/

halflingmerry an hour ago
Okay. So… I joined the game and people were welcoming and awesome and things seemed to be going great. For the most part people are still welcoming and awesome and things ARE going grea.t I friggin' love this game and am having fun and getting tags and CR and love.

halflingmerry an hour ago
Things started to get kinda weird between me and Rocket on plurk. I don't know why… her responses to me would just be really terse or I'd find my comment had killed a thread… so I decided to stop commenting on her plurks. I knew I was on a different wavelength and didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable.

halflingmerry an hour ago
But even when it was procedural stuff like she wanted to drop some threads and we had one so I plurked saying "we can wrap up ours! do you want to handwave a, b, or c?" Even that… IDK.

halflingmerry an hour ago
Now, I absolutely know that not everybody in a game has to be buddies or particularly like each other or want to tag! That's fine!

halflingmerry an hour ago
It just… felt… I dunno. Odder.

halflingmerry an hour ago
And she was posting a lot about a character we share, and I was getting weirded out by that too… so anyway, I decided to back off and leave her alone on plurk until I'd gotten over my own issue -- which I did consider my OWN issue, not hers.

halflingmerry an hour ago
Then at some point I thought I'd check back in with her, 'cause I was just plain interested in more Ren/Cassian CR and thought I'd see if she was too.

ѕℓєєρу ωιѕтєяια an hour ago
well, i mean this in the nicest way possible but you need to just chill. you're super intense and if someone's more laid back or introverted they pull away from that. so just take a breath and let it lie

halflingmerry an hour ago
I'm not done.

halflingmerry an hour ago
Or maybe I am.

halflingmerry an hour ago
There's more to the story but.

ѕℓєєρу ωιѕтєяια an hour ago
no im not cutting you off if you have more to say but i think ultimately its just a difference in personality and you're freaking yourself out over nothing

halflingmerry an hour ago
That would be fine, there are plenty of players I know I haven't clicked with or them with me. I'm not freaking out over all of them.

ѕℓєєρу ωιѕтєяια an hour ago
ultimately, you're going to have to reach out to rocket if that's the issue because neither i nor keaton can really mediate that because there's not exactly an issue that would require a mod mediation

halflingmerry an hour ago
I already did.

halflingmerry an hour ago
This is the point.

halflingmerry an hour ago
I won't cut paste what she wrote, but I will what I did 'cause I don't have the… I dunno, wherewithal to explain more briefly.

halflingmerry an hour ago
"Just wanted to check in. I noticed we're not friends on plurk anymore—not sure if plurk glitched or if that was deliberate. If the latter, not a problem, just wanna know how much/whether to bug you in gameplay. I'd love more Ren/Cassian CR but

halflingmerry an hour ago
don't wanna attack your threads if there isn't mutual interest! I know I was kinda weird (to my own eyes anyway) on your plurkthreads, then went silent, and would love to explain myself if that was an issue! But… yeah, guess want to know if there IS an issue; if

halflingmerry an hour ago
so, if there's anything I can do about it; if not, that's okay too, just wanna feel more certain how to proceed in game for everyone's best comfort! Not everybody needs be buddies in the same game. ^_^ I just wanna make sure we're all comfortable—including me, admittedly."

halflingmerry an hour ago
So, yes, her response was this mixture I'm having trouble with. Human psychology that I completely respect and understand and don't hold against anyone… but also a layer of pushing MY buttons that leaves me in this state of being psyched out that, if I really did nothing wrong, I don't fucking appreciate 'cause I'm in this game to NOT have drama.

ѕℓєєρу ωιѕтєяια an hour ago
well if i dont see what she said i only have half the information. im not trying to be difficult, its just that this is ultimately a personality difference from what you've said and i think your best course is just to let it lie

halflingmerry an hour ago
If you're willing I am, I just don't know how many lines to cross.

halflingmerry an hour ago
You seem like a nice person, I just do not think our personalities and
> social comfort zones are compatible. I apologize for not saying anything
> about defriending you, but I was uncomfortable with your timeline, as well
> as with some of your

halflingmerry an hour ago
responses on mine. You are very enthusiastic, and
> that is good, but I think you are a bit too much for me, and it was causing
> me some discomfort. I apologize, but I'd prefer if we did not interact
> on a personal level.
>
> I am fine if you wish to continue to thread with me. I will say that your
> formatting, your

halflingmerry an hour ago
tendency to link to references and your overall tag style
> is a bit different and awkward for me to write with, but that being said,
> I can still write with and respond as necessary.
>
> Basically I have no problem threading with you, you are just a bit too
> much for me to handle OOCly.

halflingmerry an hour ago
My response back:

halflingmerry an hour ago
(Which the very sending of might not have been welcome, but…)

halflingmerry an hour ago
Thank you for responding. Fair enough!
For what it's worth, I was aware of how strange and offputting I was being at you on plurk. It's why I'd decided to back off, deleting most of my comments and setting

halflingmerry 45 minutes ago
your timeline follow setting to "off" on my feed—though possibly not soon enough to make a difference on your end since I don't know when you altered settings too.

halflingmerry 45 minutes ago
The reason's incredibly stupid, and I considered it wholly my own problem, not yours or anyone else's. It's that: in my previous years of RPing, I'd gotten comfortable in the stupid luck of not sharing characters with any of my plurkfriends. Your updates about your Cassian were really cool, but I started

halflingmerry 45 minutes ago
getting nervous at the possibility of me unintentionally stealing any of your ideas for my version, or getting insecure that if you didn't like my version it'd affect something… etc etc. As I said, my problem, not yours. But that discomfort on my end was making me overcompensate in trying to, IDK, reach out to you, which

halflingmerry 45 minutes ago
totally backfired. I'm sorry I didn't curtail it sooner, especially if it would have made a difference. It may not have! The others thing you wrote are entirely fair comment.

halflingmerry 45 minutes ago
I hope that addresses any of the discomfort I caused you; if not, and if there's anything I can do, please do let me know. However, as I said, of course I don't expect everyone in a game to click, IC or OOC! That in of itself is not a problem that needs addressing and it's fine to let it lie.

halflingmerry 44 minutes ago
So IC: I won't be pursuing more Ren CR. If it's not fun, there's literally no point; and if it's not totally fun for both of us, it won't be for either of us. I'm not going to avoid things like your open meeting post when it comes, but I hope that's not an issue. Please let me know if it ever is.
Thanks again for responding,
M

halflingmerry 44 minutes ago
/end quote/

halflingmerry 44 minutes ago
So. Did my best to just "let it go".

halflingmerry 44 minutes ago
But maybe it's just all the "you" statements but I'm having a hard time posting ANYWHERE on 6i without feeling… scared.

halflingmerry 43 minutes ago
P.S. You have no reason to believe this when this is all I've shown so far in this group.

halflingmerry 43 minutes ago
But I'm 32 and have been RPing for 15 years and this hasnt fucking happened before.

halflingmerry 43 minutes ago
I rarely have issues with anyone. When I do, I solve them.

halflingmerry 43 minutes ago
I don't know what's going on here.

halflingmerry 42 minutes ago
Not liking me? Not being interested/comfortable with me ambiently? Fine.

ѕℓєєρу ωιѕтєяια 41 minutes ago
well its not a moderator issue. rocket explained her position fairly enough and there's no requirement that people follow one another on plurk or have an ooc relationship. she's not telling you not to tag her, just that she's uncomfortable being friends OOCly. continuing to pursue her oocly is just going to make her uncomfortable

ѕℓєєρу ωιѕтєяια 41 minutes ago
and make you feel like you've done something wrong

ѕℓєєρу ωιѕтєяια 41 minutes ago
just take a breath, let it lie, and move on. she's dropping kylo ren anyway

ѕℓєєρу ωιѕтєяια 40 minutes ago
so its not going to be an issue going forward because she's already posted his death log.

halflingmerry 40 minutes ago
Yes, I saw that. Guess I conflated which game is which where death is or isn't permanent so I didn't assume it was the end.

halflingmerry 39 minutes ago
I'm not pursuing her OOCly.

ѕℓєєρу ωιѕтєяια 39 minutes ago
and ultimately as a moderator i have to consider the feelings of everyone, not just one person, and i cant make rocket be your friend. the best thing you need to do is just accept she does not want to be your friend and move on

halflingmerry 39 minutes ago
I DON'T NEED HER TO BE MY FRIEND.

ѕℓєєρу ωιѕтєяια 37 minutes ago
look, i dont need you to yell at me. im just saying based on what you've shown me from both sides you've continued to send her messages, she's said she doesnt want an ooc relationship and that's where it should end. she's dropping the character and death is permament so its a non issue. im not unsympathetic, im just giving my opinion based on what

ѕℓєєρу ωιѕтєяια 37 minutes ago
ive seen

halflingmerry 37 minutes ago
I'd like to feel comfortable. I'd like not to be namecalled including "intense" thank you. If I really did nothing wrong, I'd like not to have actions not taken in my direction that escalate rather than deescalate. I'd already backed off her plurk. I don't understand why something on my OWN that didn't involve her would provoke further action.

halflingmerry 36 minutes ago
I guess I could have kept that one follow-up to "okay, thanks" rather than anything else. But I hardly consider that stalking.

halflingmerry 36 minutes ago
I don't want you to do anything about her.

halflingmerry 35 minutes ago
I thought I'd made that clear at the top and sorry if I didn't.

halflingmerry 34 minutes ago
I'm unhappy now 'cause the insubstantial inevitable neurosis that whatever I did has been discussed behind MY back seems like… maybe… I don't know.

halflingmerry 34 minutes ago
Or not anything I did but my very nature and existence and presence perhaps.

ѕℓєєρу ωιѕтєяια 33 minutes ago
well here's the thing. i dont know that it has been, you dont know that it has been, and without evidence to support a rule has been broken i cant take an action against it

halflingmerry 33 minutes ago
I don't want any actions taken

halflingmerry 33 minutes ago
I want friggin' feedback to help me understand which way is up. And I don't know who to talk to without being a dickhead other than the moderators who I know offer this sort of service.

halflingmerry 32 minutes ago
I guess I want to know

halflingmerry 32 minutes ago
I don't know.

halflingmerry 32 minutes ago
If I'm being completely insane or not. Which is always a possibility. But I'm not entirely unversed in the mental health profession or my own work and, again, you have no reason to believe this but I'll ask you to entertain the possibility,

halflingmerry 31 minutes ago
I'm actually pretty good at telling the difference between when something is coming neurochemically or neurotically from MYSELF and when there's something odd.

halflingmerry 31 minutes ago
And I guess this feels more like hostile work environment than just me overthinking and that's exactly what i'm NOT here for.

halflingmerry 31 minutes ago
Part of what sucks about that is: there ISN'T any action (for me or anyone else) to take.

halflingmerry 31 minutes ago
I guess the question remains if I can overcome it to stay in game or not. And everything else is awesome so I'd like to.

halflingmerry 30 minutes ago
It just feels like such bullshit. My existence made someone uncomfortable so I was told so in a way that makes my presence in the same virtual space as them uncomfortable to ME and I'm totally psyched out and there's literally no point to this if we're not comfortable.

ѕℓєєρу ωιѕтєяια 29 minutes ago
i think you need to take a step back and just breathe for a while because you've worked yourself up over this to the point where you're very upset when there's nothing to done. im sorry you dont feel comfortable but rocket hasnt done anything wrong and neither have you, it's a difference in personality. there are people who want you here

ѕℓєєρу ωιѕтєяια 28 minutes ago
and people who want cr with you. i think you should focus on that and try to let the rest of it go

halflingmerry 28 minutes ago
I guess I did until I tried tagging into that bloody town meeting. Which was obviously a tactical mistake. But also some amazing RPing happening from absolutely everybody, really cool writing and lines of thought.

halflingmerry 27 minutes ago
/sighs/ So… of course you're right. And I shouldn't have plurked you and should just maybe stay off plurk entirely for now.

ѕℓєєρу ωιѕтєяια 27 minutes ago
well im not saying that you shouldnt have sent us a message, that's fine, but take an afternoon away and see if it helps. it usually helps me

ѕℓєєρу ωιѕтєяια 26 minutes ago
i hate to cut you off but i had a death in my family this week and a funeral i have to go to this afternoon among other things so i have to go and get ready for that. but take a break, come back later and see if things seem a little better

halflingmerry reply 26 minutes ago
I'm so sorry for your loss, of course, talk later.