>Spidermom: Mmmmmmmm........
>Vriska: Enjoying your meal, mom?
>S: Yessssssss.
>V: Well good! ::::) I'll just 8e going then.
>S: Noooooooo.
>V: Uh... what? I fed you!
>S: I need more variety, daughter. You only bring the low-bloods.
>V: Well DUH, Mom, they're the easiest to 8eat! May8e if you went on a diet once in awhile...
>S: I HAVE RAISED YOU! I DEMAND RICHER BLOOD!
>V: Jeez, okay! Calm down!
>S: I will take nothing short of the blue caste.
>S: If you faaaaaaaail, then I know just who can take the plaaaaaaaace of my meal.
>V: ...That's not very funny, mom.
>S: I'm not trying to be funny.
>V: Uggggggggh! I'll go find you someone, 8ut you can't scare me! I'm feeding you! Can't 8ite the hand that feeds you!!!!!!!!
>S: Daughter, I have a question...
>V: ::::| What?
>S: If I need you to suuuuuuuurvive, how did I live before I took you in?
>V: ........
>S: I'm hungry. So hungry.
>S: Peeeeeeeerhaps my mind might slip from this dizzying huuuuuuuunger...
>S: Peeeeeeeerhaps my faithful daughter might appear to be a fly in my web.
>V: Stop it m8m. You're fre8king me o8t.
>S: I can already imagine my fangs siiiiiiiinking into the soft gray fleeeeeeeesh.
>V: ST8P IT!
>S: The taaaaaaaaste of the organs as they dissolve into a delicious stew. The smell of that blue blooooooood...
>V: ST8P IT S88P IT S8OP IT 8TOP 8T S8O8 IT
>S: THEN GO AND BRING ME MY DIIIIIIIINER!
>S: I am hungry. So huuuuuuuungry.
>V: Okay, fine! I'm going! Just leave me alone!!!!!!!!
>S: Goooooooodbye, daughter. Huuuuuuuurry back...




>Karkat: HEY DAD, I'VE GOT A QUESTION.
>Crabdad: What do you need son?
>K: THERE'S A NEW TROLL WILL SMITH MOVIE COMING OUT SOON AND I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD MAYBE HAVE SOME MONEY TO GO SEE IT WITH SOME FRIENDS OF MINE.
>C: OH FUCK, SO YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN ARE YOU?
>K: HOLY FUCK, WHAT.
>K: ALL I DID WAS ASK FOR SOME MONEY.
>C: MONEY MONEY MONEY, IT'S NOT LIKE IT GROWS ON FUCKING TREES OR LIKE TREES EVEN FUCKING GROW AROUND HERE.
>C: YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I GET PAID TO BE A FUCKING CRAB?
>C: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING YOU SHITFUCK.
>K: WHOA, OKAY. THEY NEED TO INVENT A CENTER FOR TROLL ABUSE BY SHELLFISH. ALL I DID WAS ASK FOR SOME MONEY, IT'S NOT LIKE I STEPPED ALL OVER YOUR FUCKING EGGSACK.
>C: YOU KNOW ONLY FEMALES DO THAT YOU SHORT-HORNED BUCKETHUGGER.
>K: OH GOD, WHAT.
>K: DID YOU SERIOUSLY GO THERE.
>C: YOU BROUGHT UP EGGSACKS, FUCKHEAD, SO I CAN BRING UP BUCKETS.
>K: NO NO NO NO NO. YOU CAN'T JUST BRING THAT SHIT UP, THIS ISN'T A FUCKING PORNO.
>K: YOU'RE MY DAD FOR FUCK'S SAKE. WE ARE NOT HAVING THE TALK RIGHT NOW, SO JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP.
>C: DON'T YOU TELL YOUR FATHER TO SHUT UP YOU LITTLE FUCKING PIPSQUEAK, I'LL POP YOUR THROAT WITH MY CLAW RIGHT FUCKING NOW.
>K: AS IF YOUR BIG MEATY CLAWS COULD CLOSE ALL THE WAY, THE WAY YOU SHOVEL MUSCLEBEAST PHALLUS DOWN YOUR PROTEIN CHUTE.
>C: WHAT WAS THAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF HAVING A RED-BLOODED FREAK OF A SON. LET'S GO TO THE PARK; OH WAIT, WE CAN'T BECAUSE YOU MIGHT GET A SPLINTER AND END UP CULLED.
>K: FUCK YOU. SERIOUSLY, FUCK YOU. THAT'S PERSONAL.
>C: NO SHIT.
>C: But really, son.
>C: Sure, you can have the money.
>K: WHAT.
>K: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?
>C: Yeah.
>K: UH, OKAY. WELL THANKS, I GUESS.
>C: AND IF YOU DON'T BRING ME BACK A BOOTLEG I'LL FUCKING SNIP OFF YOUR ANKLES AND FORCE YOU TO WALK AROUND ON YOUR HANDS LIKE THE GIGANTIC TOOL YOU ARE.
>K: YEAH, DAD, I LOVE YOU TOO. FUCK OFF.
>C: ENJOY THE MOVIE, SHITLICKER.


>Tavros: uH, TINKERBULL, WE HAVEN'T REALLY HAD A CHANCE TO TALK YET,
>Tinkerbull: What do you need, Tavros? }:D
>T: wELL, NOW THAT YOU CAN TALK, i WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD GIVE ME SOME, UH, ADVICE,
>TB: Sure! }:)
>T: oH OKAY, UHH, WELL i KIND OF HAVE A PROBLEM WITH vRISKA STILL,
>T: sHE KEEPS TRYING TO, UHHH, FILL A QUADRANT WITH ME AND i'M NOT REALLY ALL THAT IN FAVOR, UHH, OF FEELING THE SAME WAY,
>TB: Oh no! Is she still messing with you? }>:(
>T: sHE TOLD ME TO GO FIGHT SOMETHING CALLED A DENIZEN AND i'M NOT REALLY TOO SURE IF i SHOULD MAYBE LISTEN TO HER OR NOT,
>TB: A denizen is a terrible monster! Only the most brave warriors can hope to face them and survive!
>T: uH, BUT i AM A BRAVE WARRIOR,
>TB: Oh Tavros. }:/
>T: tHIS ISN'T SOMETHING THAT COULD POSSIBLY, UH, BE AVOIDED AND LEFT UNDONE, IS IT,
>TB: Only after you and the other chosen heroes defeat their denizens can you have enough grist for the ULTIMATE ALCHEMY! But... I don't think you're ready! }:/
>T: uH, DON'T WORRY TINKERBULL, DON'T YOU REMEMBER THE STORIES WE USED TO READ?
>T: wHEN THE SHINING KNIGHT AND HIS FRIENDS WORK TOGETHER THERE'S NOTHING THAT CAN STOP THEM,
>TB: Tavros...
>TB: You're a Page, not a Knight! And you aren't shining. }:|
>T: iT'S CLOSE ENOUGH,
>T: bESIDES LOOK AT ALL OF THE FRIENDS i HAVE WITH ME NOW,
>TB: Tavros, my advice is to just wait! The stories we used to read were just stories! If you rush in unprepared, you might get hurt or worse! }:(
>T: i'M GOING TO BEAT THIS THING AND SHOW THE OTHERS THAT i'M NOT AS USELESS AS kARKAT KEEPS SAYING AND THAT, UHH, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE REALLY MEAN TO BE STRONG,
>TB: Tavros, this really isn't a good idea!
>T: dON'T WORRY, i'LL BE BACK IN NO TIME WITH, UHHH, ENOUGH GRIST TO BUILD ALL THE RAMPS WE COULD EVER NEED,
>T: pCHOOOOO,
>TB: }:(



Ram Mom: A-a-a-aradia.
R: I found something.
Aradia: what is it
R: It looks like one of those a-a-a-ancient four-wheeled tra-a-a-ansit boxes.
A: 0h yeah what were th0se called again
A: cars i think
A: its funny h0w primitive we used to be
R: Oh wha-a-a-at is this thing?
R: BEEP BEEP BEEP
A: 0h my
R: How exciting!
A: let me try!
A: BEEP BEEP BEEP
A: 0h this thing is great
A: pr0bably s0me s0rt 0f alarm system
R: Ba-a-a-ack before we ha-a-a-ad disintegra-a-a-ation fields.
A: 0h what ever did 0ur ancest0rs d0
A: the 0nly thing they ever really did that was great was the crystal matriorb
A: and 0ne day we are g0ing t0 find it
R: But we don't even know where to sta-a-a-art.
A: n0nsense
A: a great arche0l0gist always kn0ws where to search
R: You're just sa-a-a-aying tha-a-a-at beca-a-a-ause your next FLA-A-A-ARP ma-a-a-atch involves it.
A: n0 be quiet thats n0t it at all
A: we are g0ing to be bigger than sliced grubloaf
R: BIGGER THA-A-A-AN SLICED GRUBLOA-A-A-AF?
A: yes
A: n0w c0me al0ng sh0rt r0und
R: Wha-a-a-at?




>Seagoat Dad: LISTEN to ME son.
>S: I am YOUR lusus. I am YOUR guardian. YOU are MY appointed.
>Gamzee: HeY mYmOtHeRfUcKiNg PoPs, WhY sO fUcKiNg UpSeT?
>S: WHY am I upset?
>S: BECAUSE you ARE the LAST of YOUR kind AND you HAVE forsaken GLORY for PLEASURE!
>S: and NOT only THAT but YOU are A member OF the LAND aristocracy.
>S: TO be A seadwelling LUSUS protecting A landdwelling TROLL is HUMILIATING.
>G: PoPs My MoSt RIgHtEoUs Of MoThErFuCkErS, jUsT cOoL yOuRsElF fOr A sEc An LeT mE gEt YoU a PiE. hOnK hOnK :o)
>S: those PIES are KILLING you, GAMZEE. the MORE you CONSUME them, THE more YOU lose WHO you TRULY are. A subjuggulator.
>G: SuBjUgGuLaWhO? tHoSe ThE gUyS wHo JuGgLe In ThE iMpErIaL cIrCuS? fUcK yEaH i'D lIkE tO bE oNe Of ThOsE. hOnK hOnK :o)
>S: NO you IDIOT, they ARE the FINEST warriors OF the IMPERIAL military.
>G: MaN yOu MuSt HaVe GoT yOuR iNfO fRoM tHe WrOnG mOtHeRfUcKeR, cAuSe ThErE aIn'T nO oNe MoRe ChIlL tHaN mE.
>S: i WILL give YOU one LAST chance TO embrace YOUR destiny.
>S: WILL you?
>G: MaN pOpS i DoN't HaVe a FuCkInG cLuE aBoUt WhAt YoU'rE sAyInG.
>S: FINE.
>S: i WILL not BE the CUSTODIAN for A TROLL who IGNORES their CALLING. when I chose YOU i THOUGHT you WERE a SEADWELLER. it WAS only WHEN i TRIED to DIVE and YOU began TO drown THAT i REALIZED my MISTAKE.
>S: i WANT nothing MORE to DO with YOU.
>G: HaHaHaHa MaN, yOu'Re ReAlLy FuCkInG mAd AbOuT tHiS aReN't YoU? :o)
>S: fUck YOU
>S: i WILL give YOU one LAST bit OF advice
>S: AVOID the OCEAN if YOU don't WANT to SURVIVE.
>S: though THE blood OF the SUBJUGGULATORS runs THROUGH your VEINS, you WILL never HARNESS it AT this RATE. any SEADWELLER will GLADLY kill AN inferior WHO nears THEIR territory.
>G: WhAt'S tHaT sUpPoSeD tO mEaN pOpS?
>S: i'm LEAVING gamzee. DO not FOLLOW me AND avoid THE ocean.
>G: WhAtEvEr YoU fUcKiNg SaY pOpS.
>S: PERHAPS a TIME will COME for YOU to SHOW who YOU are AND you WILL embrace IT.
>G: SeE yOu LaTeR. :o)


>Kanaya: What About This One
>K: ?
>Mothergrub Mom: Oooo, yes, I like that one.
>K: Mom That Was A Test
>K: This Is A Pink And Orange Dress With White Stripes
>K: This Is Absolutely Hideous
>M: But it looks so good on you...
>K: Well Yes That Might Be True
>K: But It Still Looks bad
>K: Okay Wait One Moment So I Can Change The Wardrobifier
>M: Kanaya, dear, I don't get why you are so picky!
>M: You are the only troll I know who likes to dress up and isn't happy with just putting on whatever they grab first.
>M: But that is why I love you, dear.
>K: Mom Thats Embarassing
>M: But it's true!
>K: What About This One
>M: Ummmm...
>K: Be Honest
>M: Well dear I think it's cute.
>K: Mom
>K: Are You Serious
>M: Yes! It looks adorable on you!
>K: Mom This Is Purple And Blue
>K: If I Wanted To Look Like Eridan I Would Start Pretending To Like Obscure Things And Tell Others That The Depth Is Too Great For Them To Understand
>K: And Maybe Wear A Scarf Or Something Silly Like That
>M: Ooooh a scarf would look nice on you.
>K: Mom No
>K: A Scarf Never Looks Nice In The Desert That Is Silly
>M: :] I'm sorry dear but everything looks nice on you.
>K: Every Time You Drown Me In Compliments You Hang Fashion Out To Suffer
>K: !
>M: I'll try harder dear, I'm sorry.
>K: No Mom It Is Fine
>K: Maybe I Can Get Karkat To Help Me Decide He Is Usually Honest With What He Thinks When I Calm Him Down Enough
>M: Okay dear, but don't forget work on your new dress!
>K: What New Dress
>K: ?
>M: The new one I made for you of course.
>K: Mom No Offense But Mothergrub Silk Is Very Rough
>K: And Its Entirely White
>K: I Am Pioneering An Industry Not Attending The Alternian Worshipocide Church
>M: :[



>Equius: D --> Aurthour
>E: D --> Is my milk ready
>Aurthour: Yes, master Zahhak.
>E: D --> Aurthour, I've told you a million times
>E: D --> You are my custodian not an exiguous servant
>E: D --> I command you to address me appropriately
>A: As you wish, master Zahhak.
>A: Er... my apologies.
>A: As you wish, "child".
>E: D --> Did you call me child, Aurthour
>A: Is there a problem, sir?
>E: D --> No its just
>E: D --> A person of my b100d status being called a child is just so
>E: D --> So 100d and e%citing
>E: D --> I command you to do it again.
>A: ...Yes, "child".
>E: D --> Yes, this is e%cellent
>A: Not to offend, sire, but may I resume addressing you as normal?
>A: While I do not judge, I find personally indulging your fantasies to be uncomfortable.
>E: D --> I have no idea what you are talking about, but
>E: D --> I will allow it
>A: Thank you, master Zahhak.
>E: D --> I have finished my drink, please dispose of it and bring me a towel
>A: A regular towel or one of the extra-absorbents?
>E: D --> I believe I am need of an e%tra-absorbent one
>A: Very well, master Zahhak.
>A: Before I depart, do you require more supplies for your robotic female?
>E: D --> Yes
>E: D --> Would you mind fetching a blue heart for my
>E: D --> Project
>A: A blue heart, master? Whatever for?
>E: D --> I will make my princess and form an e%quisite partnership
>E: D --> We will be above all others in status and b100d
>E: D --> Oh, and Aurthour, one more thing
>A: Yes, master Zahhak?
>E: D --> When you collect the heart
>E: D --> Could you maybe
>E: D --> Film it
>A: As you wish. Though I must admit I find it distasteful.
>E: D --> E%cellent
>E: D --> You are dismissed
>A: As you wish, master.



>Dragonsprite: sniff sniff sniff
>Terezi: SN1FF SN1FF
>D: heeeeeey terezi!
>D: heeeeeeeeeeyyyyy!
>Terezi: H3Y!
>D: are you having fuuuuuun terezi?
>D: heeheeheeheeheehee
>T: 4S 4 M4TT3R OF F4CT Y3S!
>T: 1 JUST FOUND TH1S 4M4Z1NG PLACE ON TH3 F4R S1D3 OF LOT4F
>T: 1TS 4 B1G C4V3..
>T: 4 B1G R3D C4V3! >;D
>D: ooooooooooooh terezi
>D: that sounds fuuuuuun
>D: sniff sniff sniff
>D: oh waaaait i know that place!
>T: YOU DO?
>D: yeeeees!
>D: thaaaaaats where the great puzzle is hiiiiiiding!
>T: >:?
>D: if you solve the great puzzle you can fight your denizen!
>D: hes red
>D: heeheeheeheeheehee
>T: H3H3H3H3H3!
>D: heeeeeeey terezi!
>D: can we see your friiiiiiend?
>D: i like his smell!
>T: K4RKL3S?
>D: yeeeeeah
>T: >:D OK4Y
>D: yaaaaaaaaay terezi yaaaaaaay!
>D: lets go cuuuuut him open an smell his bloooood!
>T: >:|
>D: ooooh uhhhh
>D: i mean we can do that if you waaaaant
>T: H3H3H3H3H3
>D: heeheeheeheehee
>D: sniff sniff sniff
>T: SN1FF SN1FF SN1FF



>Nepeta: :33 < *ac sits impawsibly amazed at her wonderful fluffy feline friend!*
>Pounce de Leon: *Pounce is so happy that Nepeta is amazed at her!*
>P: *And she can't wait to go on more adventures with her in this game!*
>N: :33 < *ac cant wait either!*
>P: Did I do it right Nepeta? :33 meow
>N: :33 < *that was quite pawssibly the the greatest first try at roleplaying ac has ever s33n*
>N: :33 < *and she says so!*
>N: :33 < yes! its so much fun being able to talk with you now that youre a sprite pounce!
>P: I'm glad I can help, Nepeta!
>P: :33 meow
>P: By the way, did you know that your friend is in trouble?
>N: :33 < *ac is purrplexed by this*
>N: :33 < i have a lot of friends playing!
>P: It's the big guy who likes to punch things!
>N: :33 < oh equius!
>N: :33 < hes not so bad
>P: :|| I still don't like him! He pushes you around too much!
>N: :33 < *ac giggles at how silly that sounds*
>P: *Pounce wants to know what is so funny!*
>N: :33 < *ac thinks maybe she should ask first!*
>P: Why is it funny, Nepeta: :??
>N: :33 < in character!
>P: Huh?
>N: :33 < ask in character pounce!
>P: Oh!
>P: *Pounce asks Nepeta why it's funny.*
>N: :33 < because equius doesnt really push me around!
>N: :33 < *she says*
>N: :33 < i dont n33d his purrmission i just let him think i do!
>N: :33 < *she also says*
>P: But he still tries to bully you!
>N: :33 < thats just his way
>N: :33 < he likes to act like hes big and tough but hes really just trying to be nice
>N: :33 < besides pounce we can talk about him later!
>N: :33 < we have a whole bunch of treasure to purrsue!
>P: I knew it wouldn't take long for you to get excited, Nepeta.
>P: Let's have an adventure! :33 meow

>And then they had an adventure.



>Sollux: dad you up here 2tiill?
>Biclop2 Dad: Hey 2on, what2 up?
>B: YOUR LI2P PI22E2 ME OFF.
>B: Did you bring me my dinner? 2uch a nice boy.
>B: 2UCH A WORTHLE22 FUCKING 2ON.
>S: yeah dad, ii brought your fuckiing diinner.
>S: can you try not to hiit me thii2 tiime and ju2t eat the honey?
>B: Why of cour2e, why would I try to harm my own family?
>B: I'M NOT GOING TO HURT YOU, I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU.
>B: I'm really glad you brought me 2ome honey! I'm pretty hungry, heh heh.
>B: LET ME GO 2O I CAN CRACK YOUR RIB2 OPEN FOR A 2NACK.
>S: yeah dad, ii know. 2orry ii wa2 late, but 2omethiing kiind of happened wiith aradiia a liitle biit ago.
>B: You look up2et. I2 2omething wrong?
>B: I2 2HE FUCKING DEAD?
>S: uh, yeah actually, 2he fuckiing ii2.
>B: What happened with her?
>S: iit'2 really compliicated dad.
>S: can we not talk about iit riight now, ii need 2ome tiime to adju2t.
>B: GET THE FUCK OVER IT.
>B: We can talk about it whenever you feel like it, 2on.
>S: ju2t eat the honey plea2e 2o you'll 2top fliiping out over me.
...
>B: Oh ye2, that'2 MUCH better. Thank you for the meal, 2ollux.
>B: I'm 2orry, but you know I have trouble keeping my head together when I'm hungry.
>S: iit'2 okay dad, really.
>B: I haven't been in2ide for awhile. Are you 2till playing tho2e game2?
>S: dad they're not game2, they're code2. ii'm workiing wiith viiru2e2 and 2tuff, not playiing leapgrub.
>B: Well, are you winning?
>S: dad you can't wiin, iit2 liike farmiing except wiith code.
>B: Then why do you play if you can't win?
>S: IIT'2 NOT A GAME.
>B: Oh gee, 2orry!
>S: whatever dad, ii'm goiing iin2iide ju2t 2tart 2tompiing around iif you need 2omethiing.
>B: Can I come in?
>S: no.
>S: la2t tiime you triied to eat my beehou2e maiinframe2 and ii had to force you back onto the roof.
>B: I promi2e I won't thi2 time!
>S: ii'll 2ee you iin the morning, dad.
>B: :(:(



>Feferi: Glub glub glub.
>Cthulusus: G̡LÙB̀
>F: )(ey mom, I )(eard you calling me! 38)
>c: Yes̴, daug͝h̕t͢er.
>C: T́he̕ ͠t̵im̵e͝ ͝dr͘aw͘s͜ ̨nea͟r̴
>F: Time for w)(at Wait...
>F: WH--------EE! AR-E W-E GOING TO T)(-E CUTTL-EFIS)( P-ETFARM AGAIN! 38D GLUB GLUB GLUB!
>C: ̛Ņo.
>F: 38(
>C: Da̶ughte̷r, thȩ ̨ti̧ḿe òf͟ ͏p͝ain͞ ͢i̵s com͟in̸g.̷ T̛h̀e̶re w͜ill͢ ̷be̢ s̷uf̕fe͝rin̢g.̀
>C: T̡hi̢s͜ ͠įs ͢wh̢en͠ yơu w͘i͟ll͞ ͟b̶ríng them ͝tòg͜e̢t̷her̢.̷.̧.
>C: ̴T͡wo spec͜i̵es b̢rou͟g͟ht i̵n̸to͜ ̧á ͜u͏ni͞on ͘of̸ d҉ire n̨e̸e͘d.́.̧.
>F: 38|
>F: O)( COM-E ON, mom! W)(en will you drop t)(e ambiguous prop)(ecies!
>F: You keep reeling me in wit)( all t)(ese promises and predictions, but I never sea any of t)(em work out!
>F: I'm getting seasick of it!
>F: Duty duty duty! T)(at's all you've wanted to talk about for t)(e last few days!
>F: W)(ere's t)(e fun mom t)(at used to )(elp me cull my cuddlefish friends
>C: ͞T̨h͜ér҉e̵ i̴s ͠n̛o̕t ̛m̷ųc͟h͟ ̢t̡i͘me le̵f̨t ͘for f̸un.
>F: T)(at's absurd!
>F: T)(ere is always time for FUN! 3>8D
>C: W͠ha͠t d̵o̸ y͟ou̢ ̢me̸an,̧ ͟d̸aughtȩr̛
>F: Mom, you are now on trial for not wanting fun!
>F: Welcome to t)(e private )(erring of t)(e Court of Feferi!
>F: You may state your defense!
>C: W̢hat
>C: This͝ ̸is̶ ͞a͏b̢sòl̡ute̛l҉y̶ ̶s̸i͢l̕ly͡.̛
>F: W)(at's silly is not )(aving fun wit)(out any remoras!
>F: You need to get back in-tuna wit)( your fun side again!
>C: If͘ w̵è ind̷u̧l̕g͡e͠ ̶yo͢ur ͝an͜t͠ics ̶w̵i̴l͢l you̢ ̵ac҉çep͟t ỳơu͠r̨ du̢ţỳ
>F: 38|
>F: Yes, Mom, I'll do w)(atever it is you won't tell me I )(ave to do!
>C: Ókąy͢
>F: 38D YAAAAAAY!
>F: I'LL GO G-ET T)(-E N-ET! G-ET YOUR T-ENTACL-ES R-EADY!
>C: We̸ ̡śh̛ou͢l͡d ha҉v͘e ch͏ǫs̀en̷ ͜t͝h̶e sw͜ea̡ty g̀r͢úb͘
>F: What? 38D
>F: No̸t̀h̕i͝n͢g̨